Birthday Dress with a Side of Fried Rice 31

When we were little, we would travel into each room, like it was a new adventure, a new world to be discovered. I shake my head; this week is about creating fun memories and not remembering bad ones. Wondering if all along she knew what I was and loved me nonetheless. Forward marching on and suddenly, it was clear to me she wouldn’t have cared either way. A sister would be a sister no matter who the mister was that created her.

Imaginary bars lined the outside of my windows.

Freedom laid in the words he spoke for himself, not for the ones he persuaded me with. My mind soared a million miles to nowhere ordinary; then again it seemed familiar in all the ways I had certainly wished for. I was, if you will, catered to the unhappiness living inside me. Feeding it every good memory, just hoping it would survive for a short while longer, keeping me as a companion. Knowing all too well that, when it finished with me that I would be cast away in the gutter of memoirs. It thrived on your sad times, leading you in every direction opposite of true north.

I’d lived many lives, and yet again, there I was running races against the clock, trying to find which door to open. Always ending in such a façade I was a criminal to a happy life. I wished for nothing more than for it to be destroyed and taken from me. I am an addict to this hopelessness, waiting to relapse back into oblivion. I am right back to where I began, not rushing to start the race, but lingering back and looking around, scouring the premises for her face in the crowd.

I confronted the fear lurking inside my bones. Many months since the reality of my actual lineage. He moved slowly, muttering to himself about a late appointment; he will have to push back to a later date. His voice was quiet and spoke very little.

“I’m sorry, Autumn.”

“Shocking as this news is; I felt like I knew this. I mean, I look at your family and no resemblance refers to myself. In your defense, Josephine is quite irregular and alluring. She is a hard soul to turn down.” My hands were openly tied behind my back.

“You are a smart one, Autumn Jazmine.” He sat at his professional office oak wood desk.

“Intelligence isn’t what made it apparent. The observation did.” Nodding in unison.

“We should have told you sooner.” His grip on his knuckles was loose.

“Timing is everything.”

“It surely is.” He began to collect papers, and I began to exit the conversation I had entered.

“I did want you. She came back to me begging that she would die without me, telling me she would change, that this baby would save us from divorce.” His romantic side was clearer as he made it apparent that he wanted to be in love with a woman who couldn’t love him back.

“I suppose it would have if she were capable of change.” My hand upon the banister.

“Will you want to be in contact with your real father anytime soon?” His voice spoke true, not knowing if it was sadness or the potential to rid me of his life I was hearing a tone of.

“Dad, don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair and you won’t have to pretend to take care of me any longer. I don’t think another dad is what is going to fix the mess Josephine has left for me.” He stood there, as I struck a nerve. His position never failed, and somehow, he looked as if I had made him weak.

“My comment wasn’t made for me to free yourself from our family…” I shut the door behind me as I heard the sorrows he endured linger out the door behind him.

Family, I knew the one I belonged to, even though it may have not been the Moion blood. Madeline was my aunt, my cousins were my friends. Even though there were lies and deceit, it didn’t matter because the ones who stood by me did me no wrong.

I choose to belong to them.

With the aftermath of the Josephine debacle, I had yet to confront the man I called father. He was the one who had raised me, named me. I was more part of him than I was of her, even if his conclusion of me was undistinguished. His coward stares now making more sense in my memories. His unconditional love for Winter made it clear now because she came from him.

Prom was in days of explosion, and somehow, I felt remorseful for even thinking about wanting to go to it. Chinese food called to me, as it would soothe the fictitious person in me.

I am sitting alone; I feel more independent and happy that I made the choice to be on my own. Because it was on my time and by my own free will. I stared as the waitresses hustled around all the tables taking orders and bussing booths. I started to smile as this little girl came up to my table and placed a folded piece of paper into my hand.

“Thank you,” I replied as she scurried away, playfully.

It read:

Mind if I join you?

Jenkins.

I looked up and around the restaurant finding Jenkins hidden in a booth behind me. I nod and wave him over.

“How have you been, AJ? I haven’t heard from you in a couple days.” He slid his hand over mine with concern.

“Awe, thanks, just trying to wrap my head around the whole surprise your mother is a conniving whore who likes to play who’s your daddy games. Oh and not to mention, today is my birthday.” I say reluctantly.

“I knew it!” he exclaimed. “Come with me, this will cheer you up!” He grabbed my arm and pulled me up and out towards the exit.

“Wait! Jenks, wait, I haven’t paid yet!” I yelled at him.

“I took care of that, now come on!” He was swiftly going through the moving people, heading to his car, flinging open the passenger side door.

“Get in!” He motioned.

I gave him a look.

“Please, will you get in? I promise I won’t tell you I’m really your twin brother or some weird shit.” His humor too soon, if you know what I mean.

I sit down in the seat anyway. He handed me a huge white box with my name written beautifully across the top of it.

“Is this for me?” I questioned still in awe with the box.

“Yes, of course it is, Autumn; it says your name on it, doesn’t it?” He was excited to nudge.

I took the top of the box and began pulling back at the soft stuffing paper. What I found inside was imaginative and beauty awakening. I look up at Jenks, him staring back at me nodding. I grasp upon the sparkly yellow fabric straps, letting the white undercoat fall upon the floor. Winter would have loved to have seen this.

“It’s beautiful, it’s so pretty. What’s it for?” I asked, feeling guilty I may not be able to look as stunning in it as it looked in this box.

“I thought it would cheer you up after the whole Josephine catastrophe. It’s a gift for you and for me.” Giving his playful wink. I shook my head, rolling my eyes.

“Okay, okay it’s a birthday present and I was really hoping you would wear it to prom on Saturday at seven-thirty. I’ll pick you up in my car or if you don’t want to take my car, we can take a different one.” Nervously he tugged on his collared shirt, worried I would say no. As he kept babbling on about the flowers and dinner, he being nervous made this all a whole lot sweeter.

I touch his fidgeting hands.

“I’d love to be your date for the dance Jenks; sounds like it would be amazing!” I brought my face to his level, smiling with joy, as he gently kissed my cheek.

“Good, because I want everybody to know you’re mine and were together, forever.” He put his head down embarrassed at his saying.

I laugh a little. “Whatever you say, boy.” I winked, feeling relieved somebody asked me.

I call Chai up to tell her the good news, “Hey, yeah he just asked me to the dance!” I joyfully replayed the happenings of the day.

“He bought you a prom dress? ARE YOU SERIOUS?” She screamed through the phone. Chai on no occasion failed to be a loyal and supportive friend. She gave me space I greatly needed. The months that passed and no call had been made from either of us signified somehow a tighter bond into the friendship world.

“Ha-ha, yeah I was just as surprised as you were when I opened the box. It’s yellow gold sparkles and white silver undercoat.”

“Oh my goodness, you are going to look so flipping GORGEOUS in it, Jaze! I’m coming over to see it right now!” She made noises on her side of the telephone.

“I can just send you a picture if you would like?” I explained to her.

“No, no, no, I have to see it in person! I’m in the car see you in a few.” She hung up.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I sat on the bed as she weighed the perfection of the dress.

“Perfect is more like it! I wish Gram would be as sweet as your guy is,” she insisted.

“I thought you guys were just friends, Chai?” I smirked.

She sat down on a chair, “I don’t know he is all Chai Anna, I know you love me, you know I love you, come on, be my baby.” Chai made hand motions of hugging and kissing. I tossed my pillow at her.

“Oh, stop it! I know you want him!” I joked with her, knowing too well she had the biggest crush on him.

“Of course, I do! Have you seen his abs Autumn?! He is gorgeous!” She played around. “I just don’t want to get played,” she admitted to karma.

I got up, straightening my clothes and figure in the mirror. “He wouldn’t do that to you. I think he really loves you, girl, and besides, you should always take a risk so you don’t have to wonder what if,” I told her for the millionth time.

“Yeah, yeah, take a risk, don’t wonder what if, be bold, you told me, you told me.” She rolled her eyes at me a couple times more.

“I guess I will give him a chance. I mean, we are all going to the dance together anyway. Wouldn’t kill me to give him something to believe in,” she confessed.

Kill me.

Chai had said it; a ting of pain radiated throughout my chest cavity. How many times and wishes had I spent on that, hoping that one day it could become true. My mind wanders off to her saying. She had no idea the effect the saying had on me.

“Hey, Jaze, you okay?” She stared at me as I loosened my grip on the edge of the dresser.

I put on a pretty smile. “Of course I am. Let’s go get ice cream!”