Chapped Lips Gives Me a Lisp 19
siblings, who have messed up in life and allowed me to love on my niece and nephew.” Madeline practically squeals in delight with a full table.
“Damn, Aunt Maddie, that one hit between the ribcage. I’m thankful for new experiences and hopefully second chances. To have multiple places to call home and to know that love…” Briggs pounds his fist into his chest as he coughs out emotions; the least broken one.
“You want to finish there, champ?”
“Nope. All finished, I pass the gratitude gauntlet to you, AJ.”
“I am thankful for Aunt Maddie,” I begin and she boasts a big smile and fans herself.
“Ditto.” Laney smiles and nods, as Noah takes her hand in his lap.
“I am thankful for time here, in a home that is filled with love and laughter. Joy seems silly to say out loud, but I appreciate it coming to visit me here.”
“Nothing is silly you are grateful for, darling.” Maddie squeezes my hand, and it feels good to be surrounded by people that understand and accept me.
“I’m really happy I have you guys; it seems this past few months, I’ve felt estranged and alone. And I wanted nothing more than to be buried next to my sister’s body. Oh God, how I wish I could change things. There is so much I need to say to her, want to hear from her. Words we can never get back. I just want my sister; all I want is to make someone happy. To prove to my dad I’m not a mistake. I wish I could give him back the daughter he wanted. Sometimes, I know it would be better if it was me who faded off that bridge. I know it would be…I know it would.” Tears stream down my face, the puddle in my open palms in my lap.
No one jumps to console me; they give me space to grieve and confess.
“I can physically feel my life running through my body. Hear my heartbeat in my ears; it’s there I realize that I have maybe taken what she could have.” My hands dampen and I don’t wipe them away. I stare at the lines that grew with my years, continue to grow into the years without Winter.
“She could have this source, right, Aunt Maddie? I’m not doing much good with it. Some days, I don’t get out from underneath my bed. Scared of breathing a world where the shadow I stood in for so long has gone away and now there is a huge spotlight aimed at me. What do I do with that? Who am I supposed to be? I am no one. Nothing.”
“Something, everything. Someone.” Because Aunt Maddie is a supreme lover, no matter your battle scars.
All eyes around the table glisten and we share a quiet connection in suffering. Knowing we all belong here at this moment, attached to each other.
First, my aunt cuddles me into her chest, then Briggs to my right. Noah stands and hugs them and we yell at Laney to get her ass over here to join the family hug.
Her weepy eyes make me stutter, all broken to bits.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“Me too.” I shiver underneath the crowd.
“Mom, can we eat now?”
“Yes, of course. Oh, the pies. I almost forgot the potatoes and the pies.” She scurries off to the kitchen; the rest of us shift in our seats and let the weight on our backs slide away.
After we are sufficiently stuffed and take a nap around watching holiday movies, Briggs announces we have to head back to Idaho before the weekend storm comes.
“But we still have four more days before we needed to go back.” Not trying to whine, but there is so much hesitation in going back, being unplugged from the normal environment.
“Weather says it could be close to a foot of snow. I have things I have to attend, classes are starting.” What he doesn’t mention is who he has to attend to. The fidget in his tone makes me realize he aches to talk to or be in the same proximity of his Amish lady.
“Ok, I’ll go pack up.”
“Sandwiches, snacks, and soda. Your farewell package is in progress as we speak!” Aunt Maddie hustles her round waist back into the kitchen.
“Laney, can I talk to you outside for a bit?” Noah’s nervous tone bites on the predicament she might say no; hell, she has every right to cast him to hell. I would have.
“Sure, excuse me a minute. I’ll meet you out there. I have to go to the bathroom real quick.” Her cute little frame scurries like a mini Aunt Maddie. Damn, I hope that baby is a girl. Aunt Maddie needs more women in here.
Mainly, because Noah acts like a pansy, but isn’t strong like one.
“See you later, cuz.” Noah brings me in for a tight hug. We relax when we realize nobody is watching the embrace.
Out on his phone, Briggs is tugging at his hair, trying to make sense of the voice coming through from the other side.
When I reach for the handle, he looks up at me with exasperation. It stops me, and the worry begins to set in. What could go wrong now?
“She’s gone.”
“Who, Amish chick?”
“Her name is Trae Lei, Tracy Aliza.”
“Respect for a girl with two names. When do we get to meet TL?” The duffle bag has doubled in size, and I broke the zipper trying to fit in everything.
“You don’t.” Like I’m the crazy one for asking that question?
“Why not? Let’s stop by before you drop me off.”
“I said, she is gone.”
“So go find her.” Briggs must have never come to the conclusion he had that option. As he reared his head back in awareness, I reared mine back at his stupidity.
“SNACKS! The snacks, you fools, don’t forget the snacks! You kids are going to get food poisoning from fast food and gas stations! Do not call me when you are two states over with a belly ache. Choices, for hell’s sake, pick the right ones.” Awe, how much I will miss my auntie.
“Thanks for your hospitality.” I bring her in and squeeze as hard as I have strength for. Hoping the embrace will linger for the cold months ahead.
“True Moion fashion, my darling. Keep your chin up, far too pretty to be devastated the rest of your senior year. Now Briggs, stop being a bullheaded fool and get your ass out of your head. I mean get your ass out of your heart?”
“Head out of his ass, Maddie.”
“Thank God someone here is rational.” She hugs him and he waves. Noah and Laney step out hand in hand, mimicking her waves.
“Come live with me anytime! I love guests. You can have Noah’s room!” Aunt Madeline chases our brake lights to the end of the driveway.
“She’s one in a billion.” She sure is, Briggs.