But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
—James 1:14
Bentley Strong was glad he had signed up for the Deliverance support group. He was still having major problems even though he had been prayed for. After he’d gone to the altar about his stronghold, he went home and, later that night, gathered up all his magazines, books, tapes, and DVDs with pornography. Around 3 A.M., he drove them to a Dumpster near an apartment complex away from his upscale neighborhood. It was difficult to throw away so many years of collecting. It took him four trips carrying large boxes to his car to get everything out of his house. But he refused to take a chance on Marcella catching him and learning about his problem. She just could never know.
That’s what made him go up front on Sunday. That and what Pastor Landris said.
“You don’t have to tell anybody what you’ve done or what you’re doing right now. That’s between you and God,” Pastor Landris had said. “Just come and bring it with you to the altar. Take that first step, why don’t you?”
Pastor Landris had also told them while in the conference room that everybody’s manifestation may not be immediate. He advised them it might take some work on their part. But that was okay. “Just trust in the Holy Spirit as you do your part. God will work out the rest,” Pastor Landris said.
Bentley was definitely struggling. Even with everything out of his house, he found his television still had the Playboy channel (with a special access code to unlock it, of course). He had called to have that channel taken off, but naturally it hadn’t been done immediately—just a ploy of the devil. Two days later, he found himself unlocking the channel for a mere few minutes of a glance that turned into two hours of intense gawking.
Before Wednesday, he had thought about not going to the Deliverance support Bible study; he didn’t want anyone knowing he possibly had a problem he couldn’t beat. But he knew if he didn’t go, he would be right back where he had started from, if not worse.
“If any of you are dealing with any type of an addiction,” Minister Jackson said during Wednesday night’s Bible study, “you must rid your house and your immediate access of all forms of that temptation. Don’t give the devil any room to enter in. All it takes is a crack to get a toe in the door. And that’s all Satan needs, to get his toe in the door. If you’re serious about getting rid of a stronghold, you can’t be playing around. If you’re subject to smoking, then place cigarettes out of your reach. Don’t keep one around for emergencies. If you drink, remove all forms of alcohol from your house. Don’t even keep wine in the kitchen cabinet for cooking. If you’re prone to gossip, stay off the telephone, especially when it’s someone you know you’re going to start up with. If pornography is your problem, you need to turn your eye gates and ear gates away. Don’t try to sneak a little look. There’s no such thing as a little look. When you’re feeling tempted in an area, take out your Bible and start reading it. Beat your stronghold with the Word.” He held up his oversized Bible.
People began to snicker and giggle quietly.
“I’m serious. That’s a great way to consciously break yourself of anything. Put your attention on something else. As soon as your mind goes to the wrong thing, go get your Bible, sit down, and start reading as long as the other thing is trying to rear its iron head inside your mind. If you’re really being pulled in an area, you could end up a Bible scholar in no time flat using this strategy. I know it sounds like I’m trying to make a joke, but reading the Bible will take your mind off what’s trying to get your attention. If it’s not appropriate to read the Bible, then quote scriptures you have memorized. You’ll be replacing negative thoughts with what God says. It doesn’t get any better than that.”
So that’s what Bentley tried doing over the next few days. And he found himself reading his Bible a lot.
Then it happened.
He was on the Internet, and those e-mails kept coming and coming with subjects that couldn’t help but draw his attention. He fought and fought, but before he knew anything, he had clicked open an e-mail, and there it was—a photo inside the e-mail. He mulled over how underhanded this was, especially with the number of children on-line daily. The thought began to disgust him. He had a child of his own on the way.
Sitting there staring at the photo that some sicko had e-mailed him trying to entice his patronage to see more (at a cost, of course) by clicking on a link, he realized how little these people really cared about anybody other than themselves. And if he continued on this path, he was part of the problem and not part of the solution. If there was not a market for it, and a lucrative one at that, then these scumbags wouldn’t go to such lengths to get e-mails into people’s in-boxes who didn’t even request it to begin with as they seek out old and new blood to contaminate.
He logged off the Internet and went downstairs to find his wife. “Marcella, I need to talk to you about something,” he said.
Marcella was chopping bell peppers. She stopped and looked up.
“I don’t know quite how to begin. I have a serious problem, and I need help.”
Marcella put down the knife, rinsed off her hands, and walked over to her husband as she dried her hands. “What is it?” She had a look of fear on her face as she waited.
He looked hard into her brown eyes. “I have an addiction.”
“An addiction? To what? Drugs?”
“No.” He looked down at his hand, then back up again. “Porn.”
“What?” She flopped down in a chair at the kitchen table. “Porn?” Her voice shrieked. “Porn? When did this happen?”
“I’ve had this problem for a while now. It started back when I was a teenager.”
“But I don’t understand. You were a deacon at the other church we just left. You’re on track to work in the ministry now that we’re members of Followers of Jesus Faith Worship Center. And you’re telling me you’re addicted to porn? Pornography? So what are you saying? I wasn’t enough woman for you that you had to go elsewhere?”
“Come on, Marcella. It’s not like I actually cheated on you.”
“Yes, it is! It’s exactly like you cheated on me. You’re telling me you have a need…a desire to look at other people…other naked people…naked women other than me, your own wife, in order for you to be satisfied? My God, that is so sick, Bentley!”
Bentley squatted down and tried to hold her hands. She jerked away.
“Marcella, please listen to me. Just give me a chance to try and explain.”
Marcella looked him in the eyes as she wiped away tears that now flowed from her own. “Go ahead. Explain. Tell me how inadequate I must be as a wife. Tell me how unattractive I must be that it would cause you, even after we married, to sneak behind my back so you could be with other women.”
“I’m not with other women. They’re just pictures and movies. Not real flesh. Entertainment, just like those books you’ve been reading lately. You know the ones.”
“Oh, don’t you dare. Don’t you dare! There’s no comparison!”
“No comparison? You read books that go into detail about sexual encounters. Remember you’ve read passages to me and to some of your girlfriends over the phone to show how ‘juicy’ the story was. Those books described certain acts and body parts so vividly, who needs photos! But that’s okay. I don’t suppose you see that as a problem: the fact that you get turned on by books without pictures because they’re only words. Well, images are pictures. And words create images. You love to read your little romance novels and to watch your little soap operas, too. What do you think those seemingly innocent type things are doing for you?”
Marcella looked at him. With teeth clenched, she spoke. “Don’t you even try it! Don’t you dare try and turn this on me. We’re talking about you looking at naked pictures of women and men performing sexual acts. You know how I feel about men who look at porn. So don’t you dare use me as a scapegoat or try to justify what you do!”
“I wasn’t,” Bentley said as he stood up, reached down to grab her and pull her close to him. “I didn’t mean to say all of that. All I came in here to do was to confess to you that I have a problem. Two Sundays ago, you asked why I went to the altar. Well, I went up there for prayer hoping that would solve everything. But it didn’t. And I have tried, Marcella. I am trying. Every pornographic thing I had here in the house, I threw it away. But all I can think about lately is getting some more. I need help! I’m attending the Deliverance support Bible study, but I need your help, too. I don’t want to do anything to lose you; I need you in my life.”
Marcella cried as she allowed him to hold her.
“We’re going to fix this,” he said in between her sobs. “Together. You and I. I promise I’m going to find a way to make things right. You mean too much to me. Our family means too much. I’m confessing my sins to you just like the Bible says to do. And I am going to beat this! Just please, stick with me. I need you.”