What does it mean to teach calm? It doesn’t work to admonish our children to ‘Be nice!’ or ‘Stop fighting!’ Even the motto ‘Be Kind’ – one of the most useful for families – won’t help a child who’s struggling to stand up for herself. We all want our children to ‘be nice to others.’ But calm isn’t the absence of conflicting needs and wants. Calm is the successful resolution of that conflict. We send a destructive message if we tell our child that how she acts is more important than how she feels, or that she should simply accept a parental resolution of a problem she’s having with a sibling. Children learn to make peace when they practise encountering conflict, and then successfully resolve it – themselves – using the skills that create calm outcomes: identifying and expressing their own needs, listening to others, seeing multiple perspectives, and problem-solving to craft win/win solutions that serve everyone.