Dublin, February 1939
Martha Wallace skipped along the path that meandered through St. Stephen’s Green. She couldn’t walk, she simply couldn’t. Her heart was too light. It lifted her body with every step, giving her a buoyant gait as if she were walking on clouds. Mrs. Goodwin hurried behind her with small, brisk steps, struggling to keep up. “My dear, you’re racing along. Why don’t we find a nice bench and sit down?” she suggested, catching her breath.
Martha swung around and began to skip backward, a few paces in front of her elderly nanny. “I don’t think I could sit, even for a minute!” She laughed with abandon. “To think I came here to find my mother, but I’ve lost my heart instead. It’s too ridiculous, don’t you think?” Martha’s American accent was in stark contrast to Mrs. Goodwin’s clipped English vowels. Her pale Irish skin was flushed on the apples of her cheeks, and her cocoa-colored eyes shone with excitement. She had taken off her hat and consequently invited the wind to play with her long brown hair. This it did with relish, pulling it from its pins, giving her a wild and reckless look. It was hard for Mrs.Goodwin to believe, watching the seventeen-year-old girl now dancing in front of her, that only a few hours before she had left the Convent of Our Lady Queen of Heaven in tears after having been told that there were no records of her birth to be found and no information about her birth mother.
“Now let’s not get carried away, Martha dear.”
“Goodwin, you’re so serious suddenly. When you know, you know, right?”
“You’ve only just met and for no more than an hour. I’m only saying it would be prudent to be cautious.”
“He’s handsome, isn’t he? I’ve never seen such a handsome man. He has the kindest eyes. They’re the prettiest gray, and they looked at me so intensely. Am I wrong to think he liked me too?”
“Of course he liked you, Martha dear. You’re a lovely girl. He’d be blind if he didn’t see how lovely you are.”
Martha threw her arms around her old nanny, which took Mrs. Goodwin so much by surprise that she laughed. The girl’s ebullience was irresistible. “And his smile, Goodwin. His smile!” Martha gushed. “It had such mischief in it. Such charm. Really, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone with such a captivating smile. He’s even more handsome than Clark Gable!”
To Mrs. Goodwin’s relief, she spotted a bench beneath a sturdy horse chestnut tree and sat down with a sigh, expanding onto the seat like a sponge pudding. “I must say, they were both very polite,” she said, recalling the boy’s father, Lord Deverill, with a rush of admiration. She was flattered that a man of his standing had treated her, a mere nanny, with such politeness and grace. She knew that he had invited them to join their table for tea on account of his son, who had clearly been taken with Martha, but Lord Deverill had extended Mrs. Goodwin every courtesy, when he hadn’t needed to, and for that the old lady was extremely grateful. “Lord Deverill is a gentleman in every sense of the word,” she added.
“I think I lost my heart the moment he came into the tearoom,” said Martha, thinking only of the boy.
“He couldn’t take his eyes off you. How fortunate that his father took the initiative, otherwise you might never have had the opportunity to meet him.”
“Oh, will I ever see him again?” Martha sighed, wringing her hands.
“Well, he knows where we’re staying and if we delay our trip to London a day, that might give him time to come calling.”
“I’m so excited I can’t stand still,” said Martha, clapping her hands together. “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay in Ireland forever.”
Mrs. Goodwin smiled at the naiveté of youth. How simple life seemed to be in the rosy glow of first love. “I don’t wish to bring you back to earth, my dear, but we have a mission, do we not?”
This gentle reminder deflated a little of Martha’s enthusiasm. She sat down beside Mrs. Goodwin and dropped her shoulders. “We do,” she replied. “You can be sure that nothing will distract me from that.”
“Perhaps JP can help us. After all, the aristocracy all seem to know one another.”
“No, I don’t want to share it with anyone. It’s too painful. I couldn’t admit that my birth mother didn’t want me and abandoned me in a convent.” Martha dropped her gaze onto the path as a red squirrel scurried across it and disappeared beneath a laurel. “I’m only just coming to terms with it myself,” she said softly, her exuberance now all but dissipated. “I won’t lie to him; I just won’t volunteer the truth. As you say, we’ve known each other no more than an hour. We can hardly expect to bare our souls.”
Mrs. Goodwin folded her gloved hands in her lap. “Very well. We’ll stay in Dublin for another day and then make our way to London. I’m sure we’ll be able to find the Rowan-Hampton family without too much difficulty. There can’t be many Lady Rowan-Hamptons, after all.” She put her hand on Martha’s and squeezed it. The fact that the name on Martha’s birth certificate was an aristocratic one made their task much easier than if it had been a common name like Mary Smith. In that case Mrs. Goodwin wouldn’t have known where to start. “No doubt we have a rocky road ahead,” she said. “We might as well enjoy ourselves before things get serious.”
Martha glanced at Mrs. Goodwin and bit her lip. “Oh, I do hope he comes calling.”
JP DEVERILL STOOD by the open window of his room in the Shelbourne Hotel and gazed out over St. Stephen’s Green. The smoke from his cigarette curled into the air before the wind snatched it away. His vision was trained on the latticework of branches rising out of the Green, but he didn’t see them; all he saw was Martha Wallace.
JP had never been in love. He’d been attracted to girls and kissed a few, but he’d not cared for any of them. He cared for Martha Wallace, even though he had spent only an hour in her company. But what an hour it had been. He wanted to give her the world. He wanted to see her smile and to know that her smile was for him. He wanted more than anything to hold her hand, look deeply into her eyes and tell her how he felt. He dragged on his cigarette and shook his head in disbelief. Martha Wallace had pulled the rug out from under his feet and set him off balance. She had been a bolt of lightning that had struck him between the eyes, an arrow launched from Cupid’s bow straight to his heart. Every cliché he’d ever read now made sense to him, and he didn’t know what to do.
Thankfully Bertie Deverill knew exactly what to do. He had patted his son on the back and chuckled in a manner that left JP in no doubt that his father had once been quite the lady’s man. “If you want to see her again, JP, you must act quickly. Didn’t they say they were headed for London? Why don’t you buy some flowers and call on her at her hotel? You could show her the sights of Dublin. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to see you.”
JP replayed every second of their encounter in the tearoom downstairs. The first moment they had caught eyes, Martha had been watching him from the table where she sat with her companion by the window. He hadn’t noticed her at first, so busy was he greeting people he knew and settling into his chair at the table a short distance from hers. But then her gaze had attracted him and like a homing pigeon he had alighted there and something magical had happened. She wasn’t beautiful, she wasn’t striking and she certainly wasn’t the sort of young woman to draw attention to herself, but JP was astonished to discover that he did not want to pull his eyes away. It gave him a frisson of pleasure now to remember it. She hadn’t looked away either but remained locked onto his gaze, unblinking. Her cheeks had blushed, and a surprised look had swept across her face. It had almost been a look of recognition, as if she had seen something in his countenance and was startled to discover that she knew it. Poetry told of this kind of love at first sight, but JP had never given it much thought. He hadn’t ever considered or pursued such a thing. But now love had found him, and he felt as if it had cast a net and caught him in it.
Poetry also told of the peculiar feeling of having known someone for the whole of eternity, of staring into the eyes of a stranger and seeing a familiar friend. JP had never given that much consideration either, but as they had sat at the table, their hands touching over the cake stand as they made for the same egg-and-watercress sandwich and the same piece of chocolate cake, he had felt as if they had somehow known each other before. There was a bond, a connection, an understanding, and they had only to look at each other to see it. He knew her and she knew him and suddenly all those poems he had deemed quite silly spoke a language that he understood. He had crossed a threshold, and what was previously hidden was now revealed in wondrous color and vibrancy. He stubbed out his cigarette and decided to do as his father suggested.
He bought a bunch of red roses at a stand around the corner from the hotel and set off through the Green at an impatient pace. There was no time to delay. She could be packing her bags this very minute, preparing to leave for London. If he didn’t hurry he might never see her again. The sun was low in the sky, slowly completing its daily descent, and the tangle of bare branches cast long damp shadows across the path before him. Blackbirds and crows squawked as they settled down to roost and squirrels took to their nests, but JP didn’t notice any of the things that would normally give him pleasure, so intent was he on his mission.
He was uncharacteristically nervous. He knew he was considered handsome even by those who weren’t normally attracted to men with red hair, and his half sister, Kitty, who had raised him in the place of the mother he didn’t have, never ceased to remind him of the Deverill charm in his Deverill smile so that he had grown up believing himself special simply for being a Deverill. But suddenly, in the face of actually caring what another person thought of him, he doubted himself.
The small, inexpensive hotel where Mrs. Goodwin and Martha were staying was not far from the Shelbourne, but when JP reached it, he was out of breath from having walked so fast. The rosy-cheeked receptionist looked up from behind the desk and smiled at him warmly, her eyes brightening behind her glasses at the sight of such a tall and fine-looking gentleman. “Good afternoon,” he said, feeling a little foolish for carrying a bouquet of roses. “I’m after a Miss Wallace,” he said, leaning on the top of the desk. The receptionist didn’t need to look in the book, for she knew very well who Miss Wallace was. The young lady and her friend had inquired about the Convent of Our Lady Queen of Heaven that morning, and she had given them directions.
“I’m afraid she and her companion are still out,” said the receptionist in her gentle Irish lilt, dropping her eyes onto the flowers. “Would you like me to put those in water for you?”
JP’s disappointment was palpable. He tapped his fingers on the wood impatiently. “But they will be coming back?” he asked, frowning.
“Yes indeed,” the receptionist replied. She knew it was incorrect to divulge any more of their arrangements, but the young man looked so sad and the gift of flowers was so romantic that she added quietly, “They’ve changed their booking and will be staying another day.”
At this he cheered up and the receptionist was pleased to be the cause of his happiness. “Then I shall leave these with you. May I have a piece of paper so I can write a note?”
“I can do better than that. I can give you a little white card with an envelope. Much more elegant,” she said with a smile. She turned around and pretended to look through a pile of letters to give the gentleman some privacy. JP tapped the pen against his temple and wondered what to write. He was good with words usually, but suddenly he didn’t even know how to begin.
What he wanted to say was most definitely too forward. He didn’t want to frighten off Martha before she had even had the chance to get to know him. He wished he could remember a line from a poem, or something witty from a novel, but his mind had gone blank and he remembered nothing. Of course his father would know exactly what to write, but he was at the Kildare Street Club, where he would no doubt be discussing racing and politics with his Anglo-Irish friends, as was his custom when he came to Dublin. Kitty would know what to write, too, but she was back at home in Ballinakelly. JP was on his own, and he felt useless.
MRS. GOODWIN AND Martha returned to the hotel a little after seven that evening. They had spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the city enjoying the sights before settling into Bewley’s on Grafton Street for a cup of tea. With its sumptuous crimson banquettes, stained-glass windows and warm, golden lights, the café had a distinctly European feel that delighted the two women, tired from walking in the cold. They warmed up on tea and restored their energy with cake and watched the other people with the fascination of tourists in a new city who delight in every new flavor.
JP Deverill dominated Martha’s thoughts, but every now and then she’d turn a corner and find herself wondering whether the elegant lady walking on the other side of the street, or the one sitting on the bench, could possibly be her mother. For all she knew, she could have passed her a dozen times already. A small spark of hope that perhaps Lady Rowan-Hampton was looking for her ignited in her heart, and her thoughts continually drifted off into the cliché of an emotional reunion.
The receptionist smiled when they stepped into the foyer of their hotel. “Good evening, Miss Wallace. A gentleman came by this afternoon with flowers for you.” She turned and lifted them off the floor. “I took the liberty of putting them in water.”
Martha caught her breath and pressed her hand to her heart. “Oh my, they’re beautiful!” she exclaimed, reaching for them.
“They certainly are,” Mrs. Goodwin agreed. “My goodness, what a gentleman he is.”
“He wrote a note to go with them,” said the receptionist, thinking Miss Wallace the luckiest girl in the whole of Dublin.
“A note!” Martha declared excitedly, lifting the small envelope out from among the roses.
“What does it say?” asked Mrs. Goodwin, leaning over to smell the flowers.
Martha pulled off her gloves and put them on the reception desk, then slid out the card with trembling fingers. She smiled at his neat handwriting and because she now had something of his to treasure. “Dear Miss Wallace,” she read. “I am usually good with words, but you have rendered me hopelessly inept. Forgive my lack of poetry. Will you allow me the honor of escorting you around our beautiful city? I shall call on you at your hotel tomorrow at ten. Yours hopefully, JP Deverill.” Martha sighed happily and pressed the card against her chest. “He’s coming tomorrow at ten!” She widened her eyes at Mrs. Goodwin. “I think I need to sit down.”
Mrs. Goodwin accompanied Martha up to their room, carrying the vase of red roses behind her like a bridesmaid. Once inside Martha sank onto the bed and lay back with a contented sigh. Mrs. Goodwin smoothed her gray hair and looked at her charge through the mirror that hung on the wall in front of her. “Of course I will have to come with you,” she said firmly. Her soft heart did not in any way undermine her sense of responsibility. Even though she was no longer in the employ of Martha’s parents, it was her duty to look after their daughter as she had done for the past seventeen years. Nonetheless, she felt as if she and Martha were a pair of fugitives running from a crime scene and was determined to see that, once Martha had found her birth mother, she was returned safely to the bosom of her family in Connecticut.
Martha giggled. “I want you to come with me, Goodwin,” she said, propping herself up on her elbows. “I want you to witness everything. It will save me having to tell you about it afterward. What shall I wear?”
Mrs. Goodwin, who had unpacked Martha’s trunk, opened the wardrobe and pulled out a pretty blue dress with a matching belt to emphasize her slender waist. “I think this will do,” she said, holding it up by the hanger. “You look lovely in blue, and it’s very ladylike.”
“I shan’t sleep a wink tonight. I’m all wound up.”
“A glass of warm milk and honey will see to that. If you want to look your best for Mr. Deverill, you must get your beauty sleep.”
“Mr. Deverill.” Martha lay down again and sighed. “There’s something delightfully wicked about that name.”
“Because it sounds like ‘devil,’” said Mrs. Goodwin, then pursed her lips. “I hope that’s the only similarity.”
EVEN AFTER A glass of warm milk and honey Martha was unable to sleep. Mrs. Goodwin, on the other hand, had no such difficulty and breathed heavily in the next-door bed, her throat relaxing into the occasional snore, which grated on Martha’s patience.
Martha climbed out of bed and went to the window, tiptoeing across the creaking floorboards. She pulled the curtains apart and gazed out onto the street below. The city was dark but for the golden glow of the streetlamps, and she could see a fine drizzle falling gently through the auras of light like tiny sparks. It was quiet too, and above the glistening tiled roofs the clouds were heavy and gray. There was no moon or star to be seen, no tear in the sky through which to glimpse the romance of the heavens, no snow to soften the stone, no leaves to give movement to the trees that stood stiff and trembling in the cold February night, but the thought of JP Deverill rendered everything beautiful.
Mrs. Goodwin had suggested she write to her parents to let them know that she had arrived safely in Dublin. Dutifully, Martha had set about the task with a mollified heart. As she crossed the Atlantic she had had time to think about her situation and her horror at having discovered that she was not her parents’ biological child—unlike her little sister, Edith, who had taken such pleasure in telling her so—had eased, and she now felt nothing but compassion. Her parents were simply two people who had longed for a child. Unable to have their own, they had adopted a baby from Ireland, which was where her adoptive mother Pam Wallace’s family originally came from. As perhaps any loving parents would do, they had kept it secret in order to protect Martha. She didn’t blame them. She didn’t even blame Edith for spilling the secret. However, she was hurt that her aunt Joan could give such a sensitive piece of information to a child who was too young to know how explosive it was.
So, Martha had written a long letter on the hotel paper, laying bare her feelings, which her first note, left on the hall table in the house for her parents to find after she had gone, had failed to do. Now she believed they needed more of an explanation. She couldn’t have confronted them about the truth of her situation because it was too painful. She loved them so much that the reality of not really belonging to them was like a knife to the heart. It was unspeakable—and until she came to terms with it, she would not talk about it to anyone else but Goodwin. Had she asked them for permission to go, she doubted they would have given it. There was talk of a possible war in Europe, and Pam Wallace was notoriously overprotective of her two daughters. I need to unearth my roots, whatever they may be, she had written. You will always be my mommy and daddy. If you love me back please forgive me and try to understand.
Now she reflected further on her predicament, and a tiny grain of resentment embedded itself in her heart like a worm in the core of an apple. She reflected on the pressure her mother had always put on her to be immaculate: immaculately dressed, mannered, behaved and gracious—nothing less would do, and often being immaculate was somehow not enough to satisfy Pam Wallace. When Martha was a little girl her mother had minded so badly that she impress Grandma Wallace and the rest of her husband’s family that she had turned her daughter into a sack of nerves. Martha had barely had the courage to speak for fear of saying something out of turn. She remembered the horrible feeling of rejection one hard stare from her mother could induce if she fell short—and most of the time she wasn’t even sure what she had done.
Even now the memory of it caused her heart to contract with panic. It hadn’t been the same for Edith. Martha’s sister, six years her junior, had come as a surprise to Pam and Larry Wallace, and now Martha understood why; they hadn’t thought they could make a child. Consequently, Edith was more precious than Martha, and her birth had been celebrated with such exhilaration it could have been the Second Coming.
The truth was that Pam Wallace had to mold Martha into a Wallace, but Edith didn’t require any molding because she was a Wallace. That was why they had been treated differently. It all fell into place now. Martha’s adoption was the missing piece in the puzzle that had been her childhood. Edith could behave with impunity and Pam did nothing to discipline or reprimand her. The two sisters had been treated differently because they were different. One was a Wallace and the other was not and no amount of molding or hard stares could ever make Martha into what she wasn’t. As a seventeen-year-old girl with little experience of the world, this fact convinced her that her parents loved Edith more—and from her lonely contemplation now by the window that conclusion was indisputable.
Martha wondered about her birth mother, as she had done so often since finding her birth certificate at the back of her mother’s bathroom cupboard. Lady Rowan-Hampton was her name, and Martha had constructed a character to match. She imagined her with soft brown eyes, much like her own, and long, curly brown hair. She was beautiful and elegant as an aristocratic British lady would most certainly be, and when at last they were reunited, her mother would shed tears of joy and relief and wrap her arms around her, whispering between sobs that now that they had found each other, they would never be parted.
Suddenly Martha began to cry. The surge of emotion came as such a surprise that she put her fingers to her mouth and gasped. She glanced at the bed to make sure that she hadn’t awoken her nanny, but the old woman was sleeping peacefully beneath the blanket, which rose and fell with her breath. Martha threw her gaze out the window, but her vision was blurred and all she saw was her own distorted reflection in the glass staring forlornly back at her. Who was she? Where did she come from? What kind of life would she have had had her mother not abandoned her at the convent? Would she ever know? There were so many questions, her brain ached. And she felt so rootless, so alone. Only Mrs. Goodwin was who she claimed to be. Everyone else had lied. Martha’s shoulders began to shake. One moment she had been a young American woman from a well-connected, wealthy family, secure in the knowledge of her family’s love, dutiful, biddable and obedient. The next an outsider, purchased from a convent on the other side of the world, rebellious, disobedient and defiant. Where did she belong and to whom? What could she believe in anymore? It was as if the structures within which she had grown up had collapsed around her, leaving her exposed and vulnerable, like a tortoise without its shell.
She wiped away her tears and closed the curtains. Mrs. Goodwin sighed in her sleep and heaved her large body over like a walrus on the beach. Martha climbed back into bed and pulled the blanket to her chin. She shivered with cold and curled into a ball. As she drifted off to sleep at last it wasn’t her mother who played about her mind or the unanswered questions that had so depleted her energy but JP Deverill emerging through the fog of her bewilderment like a dashing knight to rescue her from her growing sense of rejection.