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“I ASKED GRAMMA’S ADVICE about Japan, but she only left me with more questions. I thought we’d settle after we closed on the apartment, yet everything feels tenuous right now.” Ryan closed the bedroom door and leaned against it.
Ben looked up from taking off his socks. “What else, besides Japan?”
“Steven’s job offer.”
Ryan wanted to ask his grandmother if he’d done the right thing. He wanted his parents to encourage Ben to take the job they way they’d encouraged Ryan to take the fellowship. But it was Ben’s business to decide. It always had been. Now, with the fellowship offer for comparison, Ryan had to admit he hadn’t made the right choice to plan in secret. But it didn’t change his conviction that the job would be a good move for Ben.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to quit the company I’ve been at for nine years, where I have great possibilities for advancement.”
“Are you happy, B? I know you have a good job, and I know you want to be successful. But are you happy? Is it what you want to do for the rest of your life?”
Ben held one sock loosely, the toes of his bare foot gripping the carpet, but he didn’t say anything.
Ryan sat next to Ben on the end of the bed. “You want me to be happy. Why is it so strange that I’d want the same thing for you? You wouldn’t have applied for the fellowship if you knew I didn’t want it.”
“Are you saying this fellowship won’t make you happy?” Ben stripped off his other sock.
“I’ll take the time to consider it and think about what I want. But I hope you’ll understand if my decision isn’t what you think it should be.”
Ben looked at him. “And you’ll respect my decision not to take Steven’s job offer?”
“I respect your decision. I want to know you’re being as thoughtful about it as I’m trying to be about the fellowship.”
Ben walked his discard socks to the laundry bin in the closet. He stood with his back to Ryan for a second before coming to kneel in front of Ryan. “I would give anything to make you happy. That’s what I’ve been trying to do all along. So if all I have to do is be thoughtful, then I will.”
Ben’s eyes were serene and dark with affection. Ryan’s stomach fluttered seeing Ben on his knees like that.
“I know that night didn’t end the way you hoped, but it was nice to have dinner at home with you the other night. You never cook for me anymore.” Ryan tried his best to not make it a complaint.
“Is cooking all you want me to do for you?” Ben ran a hand up the inside of Ryan’s thigh.
Ready to unleash everything in his heart Ryan seized the opportunity. “Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“I want to...try something.” Ryan’s heart vibrated, rapidly afire in his chest, making him light headed. Asking Ben to stay on his knees might change everything between them forever. Anxiety battled with Ryan’s arousal over Ben’s posture. “But tell me to stop if you don’t like it.”
Ryan stood up. Ben stayed on his knees, his face level with Ryan’s dick.
Ben licked his lips, slicking them in wet invitation. “Is this going to make me late for work tomorrow?”
Ryan’s conviction faltered. Ben’s willingness—no, eagerness—to trust him was by itself a turn on, but Ryan couldn’t do this without negotiating it. He risked his own disappointment if Ben didn’t live up to his unvoiced fantasies. However, worse was the harm that even a simple conversation could do to their relationship. Which would have to be another time. Not ten p.m. on Sunday.
“We both have early days tomorrow.”
“Tease.” Ben tugged him closer, undid his belt, pushed Ryan’s jeans and shorts down his hips. “I’m sure we can make this fast, so you don’t miss your beauty sleep.” He smirked up at Ryan, then broke into a genuine smile. “Not that you need it.”
He pressed wet kisses on Ryan’s lower abdomen. Gripping Ryan’s hips hard, Ben held him in place. His hot mouth closed over the head of Ryan’s cock, rushing Ryan to a full erection. Urging Ryan to the edge, Ben worked his hands and mouth together expertly. He knew Ryan’s body, knew speed and timing. But for Ryan, it was the way Ben knelt before him, faced flushed and damp from his exertions, looking up through his lashes. Ryan shuddered as Ben’s lips rubbed the crown of Ryan’s dick. Ben dropped his jaw and let the head bump back into his throat, deeper than he’d ever taken Ryan before.
Raw need overwhelmed everything, scattering Ryan’s focus, jamming his ability to think about the situation. He’d said nothing he intended, yet here was Ben, kneeling before Ryan, a position Ryan often ordered their tricks into.
Warm, slick saliva ran down Ryan’s balls, a sweetly torturous tickle that dried quickly, making the friction of Ben’s chin more intense. Relishing every pressure change, Ryan kept his jaw clenched tight against the things that he wanted to say. He raked his fingers hard through Ben’s hair and let his hands rest on Ben’s shoulders as Ben worked. All the tension of recent days dissolved and coiled into pure sensation, an urgent impetus towards pleasure.
He rocked toward orgasm too fast, self-control slipping. He pushed Ben gently backwards. “Get on the bed.”
Ben fumbled, slightly dazed. He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth and lurched towards the bed.
Ryan shook his head. “Take off your clothes first.” His breath caught for a second, unable to hold back the command. He wanted Ben willing, obedient.
Ben didn’t challenge the order. Mouth slack, his eyes locked on Ryan’s, Ben undressed quickly, each movement calculated to show off his assets with each stripped piece of clothing.
“On my back?” Ben moved to the bed, eyes still on Ryan, not wary, merely curious.
Ryan only nodded, unsure of how far he’d be able to push this, knowing he shouldn’t. But Ben started it. Hadn’t he?
Ryan shucked off his jeans and tugged his t-shirt over his head, irritated that he hadn’t made Ben undress him before he got on the bed. He crawled onto the bed and knelt between Ben’s legs, forcing him to spread them. Without preamble, Ryan lifted Ben’s cock—rock hard, flat against his stomach—into his mouth. Ben groaned.
Ben’s undivided attention charged Ryan both physically and mentally, like a solar panel on the brightest day. Power sparked through Ryan’s body. He could do anything to this willing Ben.
Ryan licked at the sensitive underside of Ben’s cock head, making him writhe and whimper. When Ryan sucked his mouth off with an audible pop, Ben’s shaft was iron hard in his slick grip.
Crawling up Ben’s body, Ryan straddled him, pressing his own hard length along Ben’s. He caught Ben’s mouth, kissing him until they were both breathless.
Keeping intense eye contact, Ryan ground against Ben, rubbing their erections more forcefully than when Ben teased Dillon a month ago. Ryan’s spit slicked between them where he’d sucked Ben moments before. He spat in his hand, wrapping it around both of them, gripping tight.
Balancing on his elbow, his cast out of the way, he kept them close, chest to chest, breath mingling. Ben thrust hard against him, nearly lifting them both off the bed, his face flushed, stomach muscles tightening against the back of Ryan’s hand. Ryan jerked hard until their breath matched: rushed and frantic. Ben’s dick so hot and wet against him, friction rougher than Ben’s mouth.
Ben’s cheeks were red, his forehead damp, eyes bright and set on Ryan’s gaze, but slightly unfocused as his breath sped up again. His whole body was searing hot, heart hammering where their chests pressed together.
Ben looked loose, vulnerable, his face flushed as he focused on Ryan and panted, “Fuck fuck fuck.”
Ryan closed his eyes for a second, unsure if he hallucinated everything he hoped to see.
“Come.” Ryan commanded with the voice he never used between the two of them, that he saved for tricks who got down on their knees and served. His jaw clenched again, caging the words. “Come for me.”
“Fuck, Ryan.”
Slick heat pulsed into Ryan’s hand between them, coating both their stomachs. Ryan gripped harder, until Ben whimpered. Ryan let go and stroked himself hard and fast.
Ben, blissed out, mouth red and wet as his tongue flicked out, had come on Ryan’s command, unfurling the building pressure in his balls, until it spilled out in ribbons of spiraling ecstasy. Until Ryan was overly sensitive to touch. He collapsed on top of Ben, both of them panting and shaking.
Ben reached around and held Ryan tight, burying his face against Ryan’s neck.
Ryan gently rolled them onto their sides, moving his cast so it rested lightly behind Ben, but didn’t scratch or bump him. He tugged the blanket around them in a cocoon. With the corner, he wiped Ben’s forehead, then pushed his damp hair back, kissing lightly where his fingers had been. Without even trying, without negotiation, Ben fully earned Ryan’s devotion, but guilt choked away the praise Ryan wanted to give. Was he the kind of person that pushed Ben this far without ever asking permission?
Curling his hand around the back of Ben’s neck, Ryan massaged the muscles there, where Ben carried his tension. On this night, the muscles gave easily under the pressure of Ryan’s fingertips. Pushing back his own exhaustion, Ryan kissed Ben gently, pushing for entry, want to share a sweet tenderness, a thank-you for everything Ben did, however unknowingly.
Ben hummed contentedly into Ryan’s mouth, snuggling his body closer. He squeezed Ryan’s butt.
“Told you we could do it quickly.” Ben’s mumble tickled vibrations across Ryan’s lips.
Ryan leaned back far enough to meet Ben’s eyes. “How do you feel?”
“Good. Tired. Limp and loopy.”
Ben’s face was so innocently open, Ryan wanted to apologize for taking advantage of Ben’s willing love, to say all the right things so Ben might do this again, really open to Ryan.
“We didn’t talk about—”
“It’s okay. You’re right. I’ll give the job more consideration, since you’re being so thoughtful about the fellowship. It’s only fair. We both need to be serious about what we want from the future.”
Not what Ryan was thinking at all. Had he only imagined Ben’s willing participation? Let his own fantasies blend too deeply into real life?