Chapter Eleven

 

 

When Edward had returned from his business trip in March of the previous year, he was going to tell Jane that he had no intention of carrying out the dinner party and, indeed, had never done so. He considered that by now the mental anguish he had put her through was sufficient to have taught her that she must subject herself to him completely. He was, therefore, somewhat surprised to find that Jane had left him and to find the note which said briefly

‘I am sorry Edward, but this situation is intolerable and I cannot live with you any longer. I wanted a husband I could respect and love and you have behaved towards me in such a way that this could never be possible. ‘

His first astonishment was followed by extreme anger. He questioned all the servants but none of them could enlighten him, although the coachman who had taken her into town assured him that she had no baggage with her. He then sent for Lucy, who faced him very bravely in spite of his fury. With his questioning, she found that she had to confess that she had helped Jane to pack but would not divulge her destination or who had assisted her in taking the bags to the station. Edward immediately dismissed her. He drove to the station and made further enquiries but they could give him no information other than that she had bought a ticket to another small station approximately twenty miles away. The next day he went there but his enquiries were fruitless.

He then wrote to Jane’s solicitor in Chester asking if he knew of her whereabouts. A few days later he received a formal reply stating that Mrs Lindsay was well and being cared for but, as her legal adviser, he could not divulge to anyone, even her husband, where she could be located. Edward, still in a rage, consulted his own solicitor for advice in the matter but he was informed that his wife had every right to leave him if she so wished but, strictly speaking, he had an obligation to maintain her. This Edward refused to do.

The days went by but his anger did not subside and he took himself off to London and booked into his usual hotel. The same evening he visited the Satyr Club. Madam said she was overjoyed that he had chosen to visit them once more but Edward abruptly dismissed the formalities of her enthusiastic welcome. When she enquired what he desired that evening, he told her to provide a girl who would be prepared to tolerate almost any perversion. He submitted the woman provided to the most degrading humiliations, whipping her remorselessly over every inch of her body, forcing his phallus half way down her throat and driving into both her entrances with all the force he could muster. Her cries did not stir him and as he was deriving little satisfaction from his actions he paid Madame and stalked out. Subsequent visits proved even worse. Confronted with a whore, he found that whatever he did to her, he could not get an erection.

In desperation, though still angry he returned home. For the next week or two he tried to think no more about Jane. She was a part of his life he was determined to dismiss but try as he may he could not do so. It seemed that in every corner of the house he could see her in some way or the other. Either dressed so elegantly across the dinner table, sitting quietly reading, submitting to his chastisement or lying beneath him, her dark hair spread out on the pillow. Sometimes he found himself wandering into her room, lying on the bed and looking up at the mirror, hoping in vain, to get once more a glimpse of the beautiful woman who had been his and he had, so wilfully, turned away. The days and weeks went by and in spite of whatever he did for diversion she was almost always in his thoughts. He found no pleasure in any of his former activities and even had no wish to meet his friends. Even the interests in his various businesses were waning. These were, of course, secure enough, as he had always employed efficient men to manage his business affairs, but whereas he had always kept them under his personal scrutiny, he was lethargic about even this. He seemed to spend a great deal of time pacing up and down and staring out of the window. At night he slept fitfully, sometimes subconsciously putting out his hand to touch the soft, slim body that he knew he would not find beside him.

One day, whilst he was shaving, he saw in the mirror a haggard man with a disconsolate expression staring back at him and he suddenly realised that he loved her. From then on self-reproach took the place of anger. Why had he behaved like this? Why had he pushed her so far and driven away the most precious possession he had ever had? He then had to face the fact that his persistent wish to break her will had only succeeded in breaking him.

Over the next few weeks he wrote endless letters trying to explain, without losing too much face, that he loved her but none of them seemed to quite express what he wanted to convey and he tore them up. He did write one formal letter to Chester offering to settle on her a sum to maintain her handsomely but this was declined.

On their return from one of their trips abroad, he went to stay with Charles and Annabel for a few days. Charles, whose character was inherently shallow, provided only liquid consolation but could offer no solution to his friend’s problem. On the other hand, Annabel was much more understanding. She listened to what Edward had to say although he did not go into full details of the night which had caused the final break. She, however, had a good idea that he must have behaved in a way which Jane could no longer tolerate.

“Try to get her back, Edward” she said. “She was a lovely girl and I feel sure that if you could only bring yourself to express true repentance for your actions and tell her you love her, you may stand a chance of getting her to return to you. I think, that by now, I know Jane very well and if you cannot bring yourself to completely alter the way in which you treat her, she will never return to you.” Edward listened to her but said nothing. His pride still did not permit him to admit that she was right and he returned home with the old self torment still within him.

Over the months that followed he became more and more withdrawn. He did no entertaining on his own behalf and accepted very few invitations from anyone else. One day, sitting reading a book of sonnets, it dawned on him just how much he loved her, yet he still could not bring himself to write and tell her so.

When, after Christmas, the news arrived from Mr James that he had become a father, he felt as if a thunderbolt had struck him. This was the last thing he had expected and although he had always wanted an heir, this was hardly the way in which he would have wished to have been informed. He realised that he must and indeed wanted to do something for both Jane and the baby and when a further letter suggested that a meeting was held between them, he agreed without hesitation.

When he saw Jane again in the hotel room in Chester, his feelings almost overwhelmed him, although he tried to maintain his usual enigmatic expression. But when he saw his son, he almost felt tears beginning to well at the back of his eyes, an emotion he could not remember ever having felt in his life, even as a child.

He had previously given much thought as to what he could do to win her back and then, opening the drawer of the chest in his room, he saw the gold cross with the broken chain which he had torn from her neck on the first night he had humiliated her. He had it repaired and with some faint hope, wrapped it up and took it with him to Chester as he felt that this was perhaps the only way that he could show her how much he regretted what he had done.

After he returned to his hotel on the day of the meeting, his emotions were even more confused. He wanted desperately to have Jane back to see his child grow up but he wondered if he could ever entirely alter his old ways, although he knew that one false step would jeopardise everything. He knew he must now wait patiently to see what effect the return of the cross and chain would have upon her.

When Jane returned home and opened the package on the day of the meeting and saw, what had been to her, her most precious possession, she burst into tears. This was surely not the action of a bad man. Lucy came upstairs to ask if Jane would like a cup of tea and saw Jane sitting on the bed holding the cross and weeping. She, of course, did not know the story behind it but she guessed that it had something to do with Edward.

“If you will forgive me saying so, ma’am, I think your husband really does love you. Not to allow him to see his baby growing up would not be kind and, although it is not my place to say so, could you not consider giving him another chance?”

“Yes Lucy, you may very well be right. I will certainly think it over. I must rest now, it has been a very traumatic day.” Jane fed the baby and then retired early that night. However, she had difficulty in getting to sleep. She wondered if she could possibly return to Edward and, if she did, would he eventually revert to being his old self.

Over the next few days, she was haunted by the recall of the expression on his face which had shown no semblance of the old lust. Also the fact that he had returned her cross and chain with the simple two words enclosed must surely mean that he was willing to change. Two days later she decided to drive into Chester to consult Mr James.

“What shall I do?” she questioned.

“The decision must be yours, my dear but I must admit that it would be better for your baby to be brought up in the manner befitting his future status in life. However, it is for you to decide if you think that you could once more live with your husband.”

After a few more days Jane decided to write to Edward, thanking him for the return of the cross and chain and asking if his action meant that he wished her to return to him. He wrote back saying that he realised now how much he loved her and that if she would come back, he promised that he would never again treat her in the way he had done previously. It was a long letter and reading it Jane was surprised to find that it contained a wealth of emotions which she would never had dreamed existed in this man who had always seemed so self-contained and dominant. His words said how much he had missed her and when he had realised that he loved her and if she would come back he would always treat her with respect and tenderness.

So at the end of March, just as the buds were beginning to appear on the trees, she packed up and returned home to Edward.

The carriage pulled up at the door and Edward rushed out, took her in his arms, saying

“Welcome home, Jane.” When they were inside, he turned to her. “May I hold my son?”

“Of course” and she was touched by the look on his face as he, rather gingerly, took the baby from Lucy. Later he suggested engaging a proper Nanny to look after the child but Jane would have none of it.

“Lucy has taken care of us both so well all this time, I want her to be given the status and remuneration of a Nanny and the assurance of her permanent employment as long as she wishes.” Edward agreed. Now he would agree with anything she wanted in order to keep her.

That night, after dinner, she wondered what would happen when it was time to retire. When they went upstairs, he asked her

“May I come in, just for a moment, Jane? I know you must be tired after your long journey.” He came just inside the door and took her in his arms and kissed her lovingly and gently but she could feel the passion beneath it. However, she was tired and did nothing to encourage him and he did not persist.

Over the next few days, they discussed Stephen’s future and he began to consult her on various aspects of running the house and the estate which he had not previously done. He also told her a little about his various business interests. He also asked if she had any plans for future entertaining, saying that it would be agreeable to see Annabel and Charles again soon.

At the end of the week, as he was about to leave her at the bedroom door she took his hand.

“Come in for a while, Edward” she invited. Eagerly he went with her and took her in his arms and as he kissed her she returned his kiss and as she did so she found the old feelings which she had stifled for so long beginning to rise within her. The kiss became more intense and as the hairpins fell from her hair and it cascaded down her back, he stroked it.

“Do you wish to stay, Edward?”

“Oh so much, but only if you really want me to.”

“I do.”

Gently he unhooked her dress and slid it from her shoulders and drew in his breath at the sight of her breasts, which he had waited for so long to see once more. He touched her gently.

“They are larger, my love.”

She gave a little smile. “Well I am feeding Stephen, you know.”

“Oh yes, of course. Lucky Stephen.” Then he unhooked the rest of her dress, eased off her undergarments and picked her up and carried her over to the bed. He lay her down and stood looking at her. “Oh how I have missed you. So many nights I have envisaged you lying here and wanted you so desperately. Did you sometimes want me to?”

“Yes. I must admit that I did, in spite of everything.” He threw off his clothes and lay down beside her, starting gently to caress and then kiss her breasts. “Do you really think Stephen is lucky?” Jane queried.

“Yes.”

“Then why don’t you?” She said no more and he looked at her astonished, then buried his face in her breasts once more and started to gently suck one nipple. He felt the warm, sweet milk fill his mouth and for a few seconds longer he continued to suck. Then he stopped and looked at her and she saw his eyes were full of tears. She pushed his head down to her again and stroked the dark hair of the man who, at her breast, seemed at this moment to be as vulnerable as the baby. He lay there for a while and then started to caress all her body lovingly, containing his more lustful urges and when he finally entered her, he did so slowly and with consideration. He moved cautiously, trying to restrain his rising passion but she knew this was unfair to him and anyway she wanted him too, so she pressed herself closer to him.

“Closer” she whispered. “Don’t hold back.” And indeed he could hold back no more. She felt him driving into her more and more rapidly, deeper and deeper and she clung to him, thankful to be united with him once more. He reached his climax quickly but she did not. Then he lay beside her stroking her, kissing her and caressing gently her most vulnerable spot until she reached, what seemed to her, the most overwhelming orgasm she had ever experienced. They lay beside each other, with no need for words, he holding her gently and smoothing his fingers over her skin. He leaned over her and said, almost pleading,

“Do you think you could ever learn to love me, Jane?”

“Yes, given time, I think I may.” He stayed with her and she fell asleep in his arms.

He now slept with her almost every night and during the day they were a happy and companionable couple, he unbending sufficiently to laugh with her over ordinary every day things. His great delight was to wheel Stephen round the grounds and sometimes, on a fine day, proudly into the village.

He asked nothing more from her other than they made love in the normal way and sometimes, at the back of her mind, she wondered if he hankered after playing the Sunday morning games as they once used to. Now, when they made love, he always treated her with gentleness and consideration but beneath it all she could always feel his old passion smouldering. Indeed, she sometimes felt this herself but she knew that he would not now dare to make any approach into deeper waters for fear that he may drive her away.

One night, after she had been home about three weeks and he was making love to her, she knew by his movements that his control was beginning to weaken. He pushed into her harder, whispering almost inaudibly

“I must have you, I must and you are going to take this whether you want to or not.” Strangely this did not repel her but only increased her own passion. She winced a little at the force and he immediately stopped. “Am I hurting you, my love?”

She breathed a faint “No! “ and then as he thrust in harder once more, she called out the words she knew he wanted to hear. “Fuck me Edward. Oh fuck me! “

“I will. I must. I have been in agony without you. Say it again, please say it again.”

Her passion rising, she called out again “Fuck me, harder, harder! “ and as his body increased both in speed and depth of movement, they reached their climax simultaneously. He withdrew from her and took her in his arms, his hands gently caressing her skin. She lay with her face on his chest and suddenly he became aware of her tears on his skin.

“What is the matter, my love?” he asked anxiously. “I didn’t hurt you after all, did I?”

She gulped back the tears. “No.”

“Then what is it?”

She looked into his face and saw in his eyes only love and concern. “I do love you” she whispered. “You are so different now, so kind, so thoughtful, so loving.”

“I promised that if you came back to me I would never do anything you did not wish me to do” he said humbly and he kissed her gently again and again until they eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms.

He continued to be the new Edward but she sometimes felt that behind it all he still hankered slightly after the role playing part of their sexual acts. She felt that she could now trust him not to take their ‘games’ to extremes but she also knew that he would never now suggest anything different and that any of the old moves would have to be initiated by her. She thought it over carefully and found such thoughts aroused her.

Since her return home she had been every Sunday to the morning service in the local church but she decided that next Sunday she would go to the evening service instead. The servants as usual had most of Sunday off and Jane suggested that Lucy took the baby with her to visit her family. They went upstairs after breakfast, Edward going to his room to write and Jane to hers, ostensibly to get ready for church.

He heard his door open and raised his head to say goodbye to her and then notices, to his astonishment, that she was not clad in her outer garments but in a long, flimsy, deep coral coloured negligee with her lustrous dark hair streaming down her back. He drew in his breath at her beauty.

“Are you not going to church?” he queried.

“Not until this evening. I thought we may do something together. How good are you at colour matching?”

He looked puzzled at the question. “Quite good, I think. Why?”

She did not reply but walked over to the cupboard beside him, flinging her negligee on the bed as she passed. All she had on now was a short satin slip of the same shade which barely reached the top of her thighs. She opened the cupboard door, took out the cane and handed it to him, took a few steps forward and bent over the bed.

 

 

 

THE END