Helle Smidt Jørgensen doesn’t scream. It doesn’t help any. Instead she whimpers like an abused puppy, a soft little Labrador with black fur; she buries her face in the fur to hide; the dog sleeps with her; the dog always sleeps with her, it’s her dog; she dreams that she wakes up; she’s drenched in sweat and her nightgown is damp; she tosses the pillow aside, she has no use for it; one Sunday in summer, a family breakfast in the community garden; the table is set outside in the beautiful weather; the flag is raised; everyone is happy except her, her and the dog; they have to wake up and go; they have to get out of bed and find the pills; psychopharmaceuticals; fear is a normal reaction; Uncle Bernhard is sitting at one end of the table; the children are playing on the grass; she is not playing; she is grown-up; fifty-three years old, a fully trained nurse, nurse Helle Smidt Jørgensen, that’s what it says on the name tag; anxiolytika; fear is made up of psychic, bodily, and behavioral symptoms; she hunches over and smiles because she is an adult, a grown-up nurse; Uncle Bernhard is assistant mayor, a grownup assistant mayor; the dog lies down next to her; the dog is hers; you can bury your face in a dog; benzodiazepine; fear is an important survival mechanism when the organism is faced with danger; she is not in danger; she has the rest of the group; Stig Åge Thorsen and Erik Mørk protect her; Per Clausen slays fear; the Climber murders the night; Grandfather suggests that they sing, everyone loves to sing; she tells Grandfather that he is dead; and Uncle Bernhard is dead; and the dog is dead; her dog who sleeps next to her; and everyone is enjoying themselves; and Uncle Bernhard gets the banjo; Lexotan; anxiety disorders can be mitigated with psychopharmaceutical treatment.
They sing; Uncle Bernhard sings baritone; everyone likes Uncle Bernhard; Uncle Bernhard sings beautifully; Uncle Bernhard becomes mayor; Uncle Bernhard is handsome; everyone knows that Uncle Bernhard is handsome; three milligrams three times a day; she wakes up, goes out into the kitchen, the glass is on the shelf, she has to have three milligrams, three times three milligrams, three times three times three hundred milligrams, now! quickly, as soon as she wakes up; before the singing, she has to get up before the singing; everyone is quiet; everyone is looking at her; Uncle Bernhard is smiling, Uncle Bernhard smiles sweetly; Uncle Bernhard is nice when he smiles; Uncle Bernhard sings her song; it is a foreign song; only she and her uncle Bernhard understand foreign; Uncle Bernhard sings her foreign song; only she and Uncle Bernhard understand her song.
Be my life’s companion and you’ll never grow old.
She is grown. Fifty-three years old.
I’ll love you so much that you’ll never grow old.
She is a nurse. She is strong.
When there’s joy in living you just never grow old.
She doesn’t need to be afraid. She has pills.
You’ve got to stay young, ’cause you’ll never grow old.
The song reaches out for her; the song embraces her; the daughters of the night rage in the sunlight; the song drives the dream away; the sun disappears, and the flag, the table, Grandfather, everything disappears; the bed is gone; the nurse is gone; it is dark; it is quiet; there is fear; she hides her face in the dog; she hears steps; she is so little and the steps are so heavy; panic can be mitigated with psychiatric or psychotherapeutic treatment.
Therapy chases away the anxiety; Uncle Bernhard chases away the dog.
She feels his moist breath on her neck; she can smell his brilliantine.
She hears him panting; she feels his fingers open her.
Helle Smidt Jørgensen doesn’t scream. It doesn’t help.