Chapter 4

 

Maddie spent the next two days trapped with too many people inside a house that felt too small. For the first time in her life she ached for some time alone but absolutely none was forthcoming. Is this what it would be like as she grew older yet remained at home? Her parents’ presence becoming more and more confining? Her total dependence upon them flung in her face at every turn?

A break finally arrived when her parents and Mrs. Mathison took themselves off to bed early one night after dinner, leaving her alone with Kit and Thomas in the parlor.

“You know they’re all hoping I’ll go to bed, too,” Thomas said, glancing from Kit to Maddie.

“Then they will be sorely disappointed,” she returned with more hope in her voice than she’d intended to show. “Won’t they?”

Kit rose and stretched. “Do you think they’ll be disappointed if I go to bed? I spent the day climbing around on a roof attempting a repair, and all I want to do is sleep.”

“Go to bed,” Maddie said, shooing him out the door. “I want to hear all about the work you’ve been doing on the house, but it will keep until tomorrow.”

“You two can discuss the next stage of your plan without my interfering,” he grinned. “Good night.”

When he’d gone and shut the door behind him, Thomas stood and stretched as well.

“Are you going to leave me, too?” Maddie was unsure how she felt about the idea. She’d finally be alone if Thomas retired for the evening, but the idea no longer held the same appeal.

“Never.” He seated himself on the floor before the fire with a small smile. “That is, unless you want me to.”

She returned his smile from her place on the sofa, set at a right angle to the fireplace. “I can’t imagine ever wanting that.”

Maddie could have sworn the expression on his face wavered into something darker, but it disappeared before she could properly identify the emotion behind it.

“Once upon a time, you would have done anything to get rid of me,” he chuckled. “The irritating little brother trailing along behind you and Kit.”

“You weren’t irritating. A little annoying on occasion,” she teased, leaning over the arm of the sofa, “especially with that old green cape you used to wear everywhere...even in the summertime. Where on earth did you find that thing, anyway?”

He laughed, kicking his long legs out before him. “It was in some discarded trunk in the attic, I think. I never found out who it had belonged to, but wearing it made me feel older—old enough to tag along after my big brother, anyway.”

“You’re not tagging along after him anymore, though,” she said softly. “You’ve forged your own path in life while Kit goes on with his.”

“I’ve started on my path,” he amended. “I still have some way to go before I’ll feel secure on it.”

“Do you think you’ll ever feel secure? Truly secure?” What would it be like to have control over her own future the way a man did?

“I hope so.” He turned to look at her fully, raising one knee and resting an arm on it. “What about you?”

She planted an elbow on the sofa’s arm and dropped her chin into her hand. “I don’t know,” Her words were slow even as her mind whirled. The dimly lit room and his confession about the cape made her want to tell some of her own secrets, but the idea was both frightening and mortifying at once. Thomas would never laugh at her...would he?

He reached out a hand to her, interrupting her thoughts. “You look cold, Maddie. Will you come sit by the fire with me?”

She rose from the sofa without hesitation, clasping his hand in hers as she seated herself on the floor beside him. The flames were still crackling merrily in the fireplace, throwing off heat that warmed her face and began to melt her fears.

“I am afraid that my path will never be secure unless I wed Kit,” she said hesitantly, keeping Thomas’s hand in hers and drawing strength from his touch. “I– I don’t want to, and he doesn’t want to be shackled to me. But there are times when I am sure that no one else will have me, that men use Kit as an excuse to ignore me.”

She couldn’t look up. If she saw derision in his eyes, or pity, or anything but complete acceptance she’d flee to her bedchamber and never come out.

His gentle voice broke through her dread. “No sane man would be looking for a reason to avoid you, Maddie. That I can swear to you.”

“Do you think so?” She managed to lift her head and meet his gaze, but only just. She’d never been so candid with anyone except Kit, and the fear of rejection hung heavily around her heart.

“I know so,” he said with conviction. “You’re beautiful, you’re intelligent, you’re the kindest person I know...” He brushed the fingers of his free hand across her cheek. “Any man would be lucky to call you his wife.”

Maddie’s heart fluttered and she leaned into his touch, closing her eyes for a moment to fully take in the sensation. “You are very good at this comforting business,” she replied with a little laugh.

“Is it working?”

“Maybe you should hold me again...just to make sure.”

It was the boldest thing she’d ever said to a gentleman, but at that moment she didn’t care. The only thing she wanted in the world was to be in Thomas’s arms.

He obliged, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her closer. It wasn’t enough, though. The way they were sitting made the embrace awkward and rather unsatisfying.

“This isn’t working...” she muttered.

“I have a better idea.” He stood and drew her to her feet, pulling her against his body and walking them toward the sofa. Before she could ask what he was doing, he dropped down onto the cushions and carried her down with him.

She let out a little yelp, then realized she’d settled in his lap. “Yes, this will do,” she sighed, her arms encircling his broad shoulders as his came around her body.

He rested his cheek against hers, murmuring, “Good.” Then his warm lips were at her ear. “Maddie, may I kiss you?”

Her heart was pounding and her skin radiated heat that had nothing to do with the fireplace. She’d never been kissed before, but she nodded her head faintly, gathering her courage. “I wish you would.”

He brushed some loose hair from her face as she closed her eyes again, delighting in the tickling softness of his touch, the scent of leather-bound books that clung to his fingers. She sighed again and his mouth came down over hers, capturing her bottom lip in a caress unlike any she’d felt before.

All too soon he released her, but when he drew back she went forward. “Thomas,” she breathed. “May I kiss you?”

“You may kiss me all night if you want to,” he replied in a husky voice.

Feelings of triumph, of need, and of emotions she couldn’t readily identify rushed through her. Whatever was happening, she wanted more.

Maddie leaned in. “An excellent idea.”

~*~

Thomas was fairly floating when he rode out to the old house with Kit the next day. He hadn’t spent the whole night kissing Maddie—they had somehow managed to part before midnight—but he’d finally had her alone, in his arms.

And she’d kissed him back. Thoroughly.

“I take it your evening went well,” Kit grinned once they were a safe distance away from their hosts.

“Is it so obvious?”

Kit laughed. “Your feet have barely touched the floor since you woke this morning.”

“Do you think mother noticed? Or Maddie’s parents?” Thomas asked. They were supposed to think he was courting Maddie, of course, but he wasn’t ready to declare his feelings to anyone else just yet. He’d only communicated them to Maddie herself in kisses instead of concrete promises, and barely a handful of hours earlier.

“Mother likely did, but she may not attribute your cheerfulness to Maddie specifically. Mrs. Hayward was too busy asking me if I would leave a room in the house untouched for my wife to decorate as she pleased.”

Thomas couldn’t help but roll his eyes, until they were stopped midway by a frightening thought. “You don’t think they’re fortune hunting, do you?” Kit’s inheritance wasn’t large, particularly when compared to more aristocratic estates, but it would provide him and his future family a comfortable existence. And that was more than Thomas could say about himself.

“If they were, they’d have tried to convince Maddie to throw me over and set her cap for Sir Anthony at the assembly.” Kit paused, glancing over at Thomas. “She doesn’t need permission to marry, brother. If someone were to ask for her hand, the decision would be hers alone.”

“But would she go against her parents’ wishes?”

“Have you asked her?”

Thomas hadn’t asked Maddie anything last night other than, “Do you like that?” The subject of a possible future together simply hadn’t come up. “No.”

“Does she know how you feel about her?” Kit prompted.

She had to know he no longer considered her only a friend, but Thomas also hadn’t mentioned the word love last night, nor any of its kin. “I don’t know how to tell her.”

That was partially true. Finding the right words to declare a love he’d felt for so long would be no easy task. But what if she was still intent on finding a suitor who wasn’t a Mathison? What if she loved him in return, but was swept off her feet by another man while Thomas saved up his money?

“What if you just said, ‘I care for you’?”

They turned in to the drive at the old house and trotted the horses to the newly repaired stable. Could it be that simple?

“What if she doesn’t return my feelings?”

Kit jumped down from his horse. “What if she does?”

What if she does?

The thought rolled around in Thomas’s head all morning as his hands performed whatever job Kit set them to. By the time they set out for the Hayward house that evening, Thomas had come up with a plan. Rather than walking through the front door and proclaiming his love for Maddie upon his return, he decided on a smaller first step. He would find a few moments alone with her and ask if she would be willing to make their courtship real, perhaps on a trial basis, for the remainder of his stay in Kent. If she said no, he would put the pieces of his heart back together and play her beau for a few more weeks, then retreat to Scotland and nurse his pain alone.

But if she said yes…

“You’re smiling again, brother.”

If she said yes, there would be more walks in the snow and kisses in the firelight. If she said yes, they would make new memories together.

“Don’t forget we promised to pick up the post,” Thomas called as Kit’s horse danced away from his on the frozen road. Perhaps he could find a small gift for Maddie while they were in the village, as well. Some ribbon for her hair? The book of poetry she’d mentioned at the fête?

He shopped while Kit went to the post office, settling on a bottle of scent, smaller than he’d have liked it to be but from the heart all the same. He’d chosen one distilled from roses, and also had happily handed over the last of his coin for what had to be the only rose in bloom in England this time of year. The proprietor of the shop had a tiny hothouse in which she grew the flowers used to make the scent she sold, and she’d had a single blossom left. It was pink, not the red of her dress and his waistcoat, but Thomas didn’t quibble over that small detail. When they came back in season—and he’d saved a bit of money again—he would buy her claret-colored roses every day if she wanted them.

Thomas and Kit returned to the Haywards’ home, flushed with cold and in Thomas’s case, anticipation.

“Ah, there you are,” Mr. Hayward greeted them when they came through the front door. “We’d begun to wonder if you’d been waylaid at the old house.”

Thomas felt Kit’s elbow poke his ribs before he saw it, and forced a smile. No need to tip his hand before he spoke to Maddie herself. “We stayed in the village a bit longer than we’d planned, sir.”

“But we did remember to pick up your post,” Kit chimed in, ignoring the glare Thomas shot his way.

Kit handed over the bundle of letters and began divesting himself of his outerwear, handing his greatcoat over to the maid-of-all-work to be dried before a fire. Thomas, conscious of the bottle and blossom tucked inside his pocket, elected to keep his coat, and carefully slung it over one arm as he made for the staircase and his bedchamber.

“Thomas, wait a moment,” Mr. Hayward called after him. “There’s a letter here for you.”

Thomas retrieved it and brought it upstairs with him, tossing it onto his bed as he looked for a place to store his gifts. Perhaps their parents would attempt to leave Maddie alone with Kit again tonight, and he could give her the scent and rose then.

“Who’s your letter from?” Kit asked, strolling into the room with a stack of his own letters.

“Oh, erm, I don’t know.” Thomas laid his coat onto the bed and took up the letter, breaking the seal with curiosity. “It’s from our uncle.” Unfolding the single page, he scanned the heavily slanted handwriting to see if it was something important.

“Thomas? What is it?” Kit asked a moment later. “You look as though the world is ending.”

“I think mine is,” he replied in a flat voice, unable to tear his eyes away from the horrible words. “Our uncle has closed his office and sailed for America.”

“What?”

Thomas crumpled the letter and flung it against the nearest wall. “I no longer have employment.”