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The Painful Truth

Ever since he came to know that his neighbour, Mr Kipling, was shutting shop in Hong Kong, Dennis McGowan was filled with strange emotions. On one hand, there was appreciation for Kipling’s ability to make a decision, and on the other, irritation and frustration with himself for his inability to do so. Memory, combined with desire, began to gnaw him from within.

Mr Kipling had come to Hong Kong many years ago from London to set up his restaurant, which was one of the finest in the city. But, in the light of Hong Kong’s changed scenario, he displayed an objectivity that was almost yogic in its detachment. The business he had set up so arduously, he decided to sell and return to London, irrespective of the consequences.

Why could Dennis not do this? His appreciation for
Mr Kipling’s guts increased every passing day. Could he too take such a step? Why could he not return to McCluskieganj? Dennis burned from within until one evening, not being able to withstand himself, he burst out, as if in a fit of feelings, and said to his wife, ‘I am sorry for myself, that I am not strong enough to be able to tear down my mask of hypocrisy in order to support my own convictions. For all decisions I have to look up to you.’ This remark was followed by a slight argument between husband and wife. Liza McGowan gesticulated angrily and retorted, ‘C’mon man, there’s got to be some difference between London and McCluskieganj. Mr Kipling is going to London, not to a bloody village in the back of nowhere. To hell with Kipling! I am not budging from here!’

This outburst was followed by total silence for several days between the two. After so many years of good neighbourliness, Mr Kipling had, although unwittingly, unleashed a sense of bitterness in the McGowan household.

A few days later, Dennis again repeated, although this time to no one in particular. ‘Mr Kipling has decided to return to his country at the right moment!’ For a second, Liza flashed with anger, yet she restrained herself. There was just no point in arguing. She knew her husband too well. Age had made him sentimental and she believed that this one-sided monologue would die down naturally.

Although it had been many years since Dennis McGowan had settled in Hong Kong, his thoughts often drifted back to his village, whose name was McCluskieganj, in far-off India. The memory had become acute since the talk of the imminent handing over of Hong Kong to mainland China by Britain in the year 1997 had gained momentum; the ninety-nine-year lease was expiring that year. In the wake of these discussions, Dennis was constantly reminded of his village. Memories clinked like old coins stored in some forgotten bag that one picks up to examine on a rare day, or like an old, faded but colourful muffler that, though wrapped around the throat, warms the heart as well. Why? For Dennis, his father’s heart lay beating within the earth of McCluskieganj. Once away from home, one tends to remember it more, especially in the face of adversity. Over and over again, he reflected on what would be the fate of Hong Kong, once severed from Britain. After so many years of colonization, was this colourful colony nearing its demise? In the year 1947, Dennis had witnessed the independence of India, although there had been no formal lease in that case. There were waves of joy all over when India got her freedom.

The Anglo-Indian community in the metropolitan cities were apprehensive at that time as they had openly supported the British. They hated the Congress and Mahatma Gandhi, yet the population of McCluskieganj had heartily celebrated the nation’s independence. McCluskieganj, in their opinion, was a symbol of their particular individuality. And Hong Kong? There was no joy in Hong Kong, only apprehension. What would life be in a changed Hong Kong? What would be the fate of the businesses run by its settlers? These were the fears that lurked in the minds of Dennis and others like him. It was this situation that prompted Dennis to gaze homewards until, suddenly, in his mind’s eye,
McCluskieganj came alive. The trees of McCluskieganj would dot Hong Kong’s horizon. Aam, jamun, mahua laden with fruit like spoonfuls of sugar. Sometimes in the silence of the night, Dennis would suddenly remember the voices of his childhood friends—Tuinyan Ganjhu and Khushia Pahan—playing in the shimmering light filtering down through the trees, and their heady tribal songs. Then, all of a sudden, his flat would become redolent with the pungent and intoxicating odour of mahua flowers. Dennis could now see beyond the railway line where the road passed Mr Thorpe’s bungalow and then went towards Mahuatand beyond which the road led towards Chatti river. All through the night, the mahua flowers would drop ceaselessly with a soft, rhythmic fall. In the month of April, the pervasive presence of mahua was so palpably overpowering that the village seemed lost in it. It
was wonderful.

Before bursting into flowers, the trees would shed all their leaves. They would then be covered entirely with yellow flowers, a glorious yellow—basanti. These flowers were never plucked; neither were the trees ever shaken for them to fall. They were left to drop silently through the night with a musical drip. These would then be picked by the Adivasis in the morning. And yet another tree that was treated with a similar reverence was the harsingaar whose sweet-smelling, tiny, orange and white flowers used to fall the whole night, only to be collected in the morning. Mr Thorpe’s garden had a harsingaar tree and so did Bahadur Oraon’s backyard.

These memories soothed Dennis, and he thought that in the punishing heat of summer, as it was just then, the yellow flowers of the great laburnum would be making the village a grand sight. And to add to that, here and there, would be an outburst of the fiery gulmohar and the golden champa, the latter having a special attraction for the tribal women.

Dennis remembered the walks he took along the wild path with his friends to Mahuatand. How much fun they had! Between McCluskieganj and Mahuatand, there was the gurgling Panch Vahini stream. In the stream, there were large boulders which, to the imaginative mind, resembled some prehistoric walnuts. The overhanging cliffs here and there resembled chunks of Cheddar. Folklore had it that the name Panch Vahini came from the five sisters who had drowned there. McCluskieganj had several such names and stories for its many streams and rivulets. As one turned east from Mr Thorpe’s bungalow, there was a waterbody enclosed by rocks and hillocks. This was called Burhi Duba after the story of an old woman drowning there. The streams, hills and forests, the unique flora and fauna of this area, made McCluskieganj a notable geological case. Dennis loved living in the past, deriving immense pleasure from these memories. Seeing his predilection for receding into memories, Liza often likened him to an insect, which the tribals called Pisu, which whenever it leaped, fell backwards.

Despite these bitter insinuations, Dennis never stopped talking and thinking of McCluskieganj. Often he would dream vividly and, in the morning, ask Liza for an interpretation. ‘What is the relevance of green paddy fields in one’s dream? Last night I dreamt of a field full of green paddy! I was lost the whole night amidst it. Liza dear, do you also remember those paddy fields? And the flocks of pigeons, those green pigeons?’ Seeing his wife not returning his enthusiasm, Dennis ignored her indifference and continued, ‘No matter what great strides science takes, man needs food that only agriculture can provide. Look at me, I have been severed from my land and my kind of food.’

These morning outpourings would finally make Liza lose her cool. ‘How long will you hang on to memories?’ she would snap. ‘The anchor of a man lies within him! When does a man leave his home to seek another one elsewhere? Have you ever thought about that? It is the hope for a new future that propels one to migrate. Migration signifies hope. Try to understand, man. This nostalgia is killing; it’s making you depressive. It makes me weary too. I am getting sick of it. Just shut up, Dennis. Let me live in peace. To hell with McCluskieganj.’

‘Hell!’ Dennis’s eyes widened with pain. ‘Liza, don’t mix ice cream with sand. You don’t understand the strength of one’s roots. But what’s the point of telling you all this? I’ll have to carry my own cross.’ Then with contempt, Liza replied, ‘You are the mud of McCluskieganj.’

This was enough to rouse Dennis, but fortunately, just at this point their son Robin entered. He always stood by his father. ‘Papa, I’ve always heard of this heaven of yours. I haven’t had the chance to see it. In fact till date, I have never seen any village. Let’s go and visit it during some vacation.’ Dennis’s anguish disappeared in a flash the moment he heard this. ‘Oh yes!’ he said. The joy of sharing his feelings with his son was enough to send him into a blissful trance, and then, like some silk worm, he would once more begin to play with the delicate threads of his memories.

In Robin, Dennis found an enchanted listener, who devoured the tales woven round the members of McCluskieganj society—Mr Miller, Mr Mendez, Mr Gibson, Mr Rubin Rafael, Mr Alex Fergusson, Mr Amit Ghosh, Mr D’Costa,
Mrs Thripthorpe and Miss Bonner, to mention a few. Robin had heard so much about them that he knew them most intimately. He understood the dichotomy that the village had for his father, i.e., both fear and love. Distance makes one afraid even of love. Distance and changed circumstances can raise doubts even in the minds of most headstrong people. These emotions are not easy to explain. Would McCluskieganj get wafted away in the whittling wind? This was the fear that lurked in Dennis’s subconscious. It may be that a day would come when his village would cease to be. There would remain then the ruins of Portuguese bungalows with their red or blue or green rusting, sloping roofs. And amidst the ruins would grow a dense jungle. These imaginings would once again throw Dennis into a state of turmoil. But Robin’s avid interest in
McCluskieganj would revive Dennis and once again, like ever so often, he would return to his secret world of thoughts
and dreams.