“From the employee break room at the Large Hadron Collider...”

It is Episode 6,010

April 24, 2015

“And now . . . a man hopped-up on placebos . . . David Letterman.” Monologue topics include garbage in New York, People magazine’s “Beautiful People,” and the Vatican’s thoughts on climate change. The Top Ten List is delivered toward the end of the episode. It is “2015 Prom Themes.”

The desk piece is a best-of tribute to stage manager Biff Henderson. Dave invites Biff to sit in the chair. Dave says, “Biff Henderson and I have been together in television since June 23, 1980.” He speculates that the idea of not seeing Biff, Paul, and the staff every day is going to be like “suddenly great chunks of your family have left the country.” Biff responds, “It is just about half my life.” Before rolling the clips, which seem to cover only the CBS era, Dave says, “Biff has been a real fixture on this show, and like so many other fixtures on the show, is more beloved than me.”  (See Chapter 10 for more coverage of Biff Henderson.)

The first guest is Jerry Seinfeld. As he walks to center stage to begin his stand-up routine, he says, “This is not happening. It is not happening.” This is Jerry in denial, refusing to acknowledge the end of the Late Show. He talks about weathermen, braces, and the fattest man in the Guinness Book of World Records. The audience loves it. After Jerry completes his stand-up set, Dave walks over and whispers to him, “Was that from the old show?” It was. Without any mention to the audience, Seinfeld performs a 1982 comedy routine. And it kills.

Bill Scheft: Jerry Seinfeld came out and did the same set he performed his first time on the old show in February 1982. He had to monkey with some of the bits to keep them relevant, but it was essentially the same set. When he came off, he said to me, “That was really hard,” which, when you consider how effortlessly he does stand-up, is a statement he has probably never made. 

Brian Teta: Jerry had the idea to do his original set over again. I wish I could take credit for it, but it was all Jerry. It held up incredibly well. Some of the tonal things have changed. There was maybe a fat joke that was a little rougher. It was amazing to see how polished that set was and how well it still played in 2015. He is hysterical in any time. 

Bill Scheft: He closed the set, as he did in 1982, with a bit about Bob Hughes, the fattest man in the world: “Fourteen hundred pounds. The man has really let himself go. . . . ” He did about three-fourths of the bit, but as he admitted to Dave, you can’t just haul off and make jokes about fat people the way you could thirty-three years ago. I reminded him of a tag he used to do after the “let himself go” line. He would say, “Bob, have a salad. Get the small cone once in a while.” He remembered the salad part, but forgot about the small cone. To me, the brilliance is in the phrase “once in a while.” That fake sympathy.

Rick Scheckman: We had to find the original tape. That was one of the things I would do. We pulled it for the segment producer to watch it. On Jerry’s first appearance, we bumped him. It was 1982; he was the last guest and he got bumped. We were bumping comedians left and right in those days. 

Bill Scheft: I’ve known Jerry Seinfeld a long time. For him to come out and do that stand-up set, as a gift, was uncharacteristically sentimental and the kind of tribute only a comic would give to another comic that he admired.

Most times when Jerry sat down with Dave it was structured so that Dave could tee up bits from Seinfeld’s act. Even if Dave would try to ask Seinfeld a “real” question about how things were going or about his family, Seinfeld would pivot toward giving a response from his stand-up act. Not this time. This is Jerry Seinfeld’s best Letterman guest spot because he doesn’t talk in recycled routines, but talks about Dave leaving television.

Seinfeld asks Dave about running across the stage. Seinfeld says that he can’t run like that anymore. “Let’s go,” says Dave, and the two of them walk over to one side of the stage. Dave walks Seinfeld through the routine. He explains that “when you feel it,” tap Biff twice on the lower back and take off. Dave runs across the stage. Seinfeld taps Biff twice and runs across the stage.

Director Jerry Foley cuts perfectly to the typical shot as we see Seinfeld running, after Dave. Dave cheers him on, “Come on. Come on,” begging him to pick up the pace. (Seinfeld even runs funny.) We can hear Jerry and Dave talking off camera, stage right, laughing about the run. “That was a thrill,” chuckles Seinfeld. Seinfeld is so happy he got to do this. “That was FUN,” he says, gesturing with both arms as they make their way back to the desk. Seinfeld allows fans to live vicariously through him. Who wouldn’t have wanted to run across the stage with Dave? 

Brian Teta: That was a lot of fun. That happened in the moment. Jerry was tickled by Dave running across the stage when it happened beforehand. The running was not a prepped bit in any way. Some comedians would want to do a lot of prep and some would want to do not so much. Jerry got on the phone and did a pre-interview, but in the end you are gonna let Jerry Seinfeld do what he wants to.

When they return to the chairs, Jerry informs Dave that Dave has never been a guest on the Late Show. He asks Dave if he would like to know what it’s like. Seinfeld then sits on the back of the chair so his eyeline is above Letterman’s. Dave asks if it really is that bad. They switch places so that Seinfeld sits at the desk and Dave in the guest chair. Seinfeld offers to switch back, but Dave declines.

Photo courtesy of @letterman, CBS publicity photo.

Jerry Foley: Your first assignment in those moments is: Don’t screw it up. Don’t throw away your game plan because all of a sudden two guys switched chairs. We’ve got to be better than that. It does change the dynamic a bit. The center of the Earth is the guy behind the desk. When you do something as simple as switch chairs, you have two suns that you have to give equal weight to. Dave is a different guy when he is sitting there. He has done it infrequently, but you do have to make sure that it doesn’t become Seinfeld’s show.

Joe Grossman: Other people have done it before: “Let’s switch places. I’ll sit at the desk and you sit in the chair.” But in this case, Seinfeld actually had some good questions for Dave. “Why are you retiring? You have nothing else you want to do in real life. This is what you want to be doing.” You can tell that was a real conversation between two life-long comedians. It wasn’t just some shtick there. I thought that was actually really good.

Dave compliments Seinfeld on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, and tells Seinfeld he could continue doing that show for years. Seinfeld brings it back by saying, “You could do this for years. This whole quitting idea is the stupidest idea I ever heard.” The audience screams with applause. They have been waiting for someone to say this. Here is where Seinfeld’s true personality shines. He is always no nonsense. Dave can’t argue and agrees it is stupid. “Tell me what you think you are doing by quitting and what the hell you are gonna do.” Dave blames his wife and family. Seinfeld asks, “Do you think you are going out on top or some nonsense like that? There is no top.” They close out by talking a bit about family, and Seinfeld takes over throwing the show to commercial as they shake hands.

Jerry Foley: Sometimes you forget you had work to do because you are watching TV, which is the worst thing you can do as a director. 

Musical Guest

Jason Isbell & Amanda Shires sing the Warren Zevon song “Mutineer.”

Bill Scheft: “Mutineer,” the last song Warren sang on his last appearance, when Dave devoted an hour to him. 

Sheryl Zelikson: Jason was someone that Dave put on my radar. He’s another great songwriter. I couldn’t think of anyone better to represent Warren Zevon than Jason. Two great songwriters that Letterman really introduced to people. “Mutineer” was a very specific song that Dave wanted to hear.

Worldwide Pants Tag: “That’s just fine.”