“From the VIP lounge at Applebee’s...”

It is Episode 6,011

April 27, 2015

“And now, a practitioner of vibration energy medicine . . . David Letterman.” The monologue topics are New York City coyotes, the presidential campaign, and Dave’s retirement. He says he better start using up his sick days before his time is up with CBS. Rock ’n’ roll legend Todd Rundgren sits in with the band. The desk piece, a best-of, is a clip montage of the best celebrity Top Tens (see Chapter 6 for more on the Top Ten). 

Steve Young: I spent some time with the Top Ten montage. We started with our celebrities that came out with Top Ten Lists. I watched a lot of them and picked the jokes that went over very well. Half of them I could discard because they were a forgotten topical angle that wasn’t going to work anymore.

The fun part of Act 2 is that over the weekend Letterman’s racing team, Rahal Letterman Lanigan, finished second at the Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama. Since Steak ‘n Shake is one of the team’s sponsors, everyone in the audience gets free shakes. In a flash, the entire theater fills with staffers passing out 400 milkshakes. The audience smiles and sways to the CBS Orchestra. We may be a divided country, but everyone loves free ice cream.

Photo courtesy of @Letterman,  CBS publicity photo.

Barbara Gaines: We were going to show “The Strong Guy, the Fat Guy, the Genius” clip, then Dave gives out shakes to the audience. What are you gonna do? That is what happens. For a second you would be like, “But we planned . . ..” Then it was, “Whatever.” A year later Dave asked me, “Why didn’t we show ‘The Strong Guy?’” and I say, “I don’t know. We ran out of time.” I didn’t say, “BECAUSE OF YOU!” [Laughs]

Rick Scheckman: The thing with the shakes was decided probably an hour before taping, so we have that all ready to go. But there were some times when he would come up with things that were an impossible demand and he would demand them. One time, I think, he was looking for a Taco Bell and there was no Taco Bell in the neighborhood. What we planned on doing was not what ended up airing on television. 

Kathy Mavrikakis: He would definitely come up with things on the fly, and then expect within an hour you could get them. One time he wanted Eskimo Pies. Immediately we pick up the phone and the back deck of the control room is trying to find our props person to try to get her to go to Gristedes to see if they have the Eskimo Pies brand there. He asked for pizza to be delivered from Brooklyn. We sent somebody to Brooklyn. I was like, “There’s no way they are getting back here in an hour.” Dave’s like, “They will.” He never got that pizza. 

The first guest is Scarlett Johansson. Paul plays the Neil Diamond song “Red Red Wine.” Scarlett/Red, Paul is always clever. She begins by saying, “I am so honored to be on one of your very last shows.” The first time she was on the show was for The Horse Whisperer in 1998, when she was thirteen years old. She says, “Coming on this show is like you’ve made it.” She also mentions that she kept the canned ham Dave gave her until she was about twenty-five. Dave shows a picture of her entering the theater moments before, and says that is what a movie star should look like.

Scarlett Johansson arrives on 53rd St. Photo courtesy of @Letterman,  CBS publicity photo.

Dave’s second guest is John Mellencamp. Paul plays Mellencamp’s hit “Crumblin’ Down” as the walk-on music. This is apropos, because the walls of talk show norms are about to come tumbling down. Wall number one: Letting musical guests talk instead of just sing. Wall number two: Smoking on network television. The final six weeks often evoke the Carson era, when the focus was on conversation and the guest’s priority would be to entertain the host. Maybe nothing recalls the Carson era more than a guest smoking while talking to the host. Mellencamp smokes throughout the interview. Dave, just as Carson would, has a one-liner he shoots out immediately. Dave starts writing on a blue card and slides it over to Mellencamp: “Here is the surgeon general’s number.”

Mellencamp, like his cigarette, is completely unfiltered. He talks about having “real” doctors in Indiana, jokes that Paul shouldn’t be in the Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of Fame, and discusses the heart attack he suffered in 1994. Dave responds, “And then the doctor said, ‘When it was all done, whatever you do, don’t stop smoking.’” John says, “Smoking is my strong suit. I am not a doctor, you know that, right?” Dave, lightning fast, responds in disbelief, “I didn’t know that. I was told all day long that you were a doctor.”

All of this chatter is off the cuff, and is not wrapped in an ounce of political correctness. Once again, the musical guest becomes the highlight of an episode. The uninhibited conversation is a breath of fresh air, even if it is filled with second-hand smoke. The fade to commercial depicts Mellencamp on the show from October 26, 1985.

Sheila Rogers: There is the Indiana connection between John and Dave. I remember John went to Dorothy Letterman’s house for a comedy bit there. I think it all started with being Hoosiers. I produced those segments because my background was in music. John put a lot in it. He was so unguarded—just said whatever he wanted to say. He’s smoking! [Laughs] It was real. 

Barbara Gaines: They had been friends a long time, Indiana boys. That seemed to make sense to me.

Sheryl Zelikson: John does what John wants to do, but he was very happy to do the show. I loved his storytelling. Another person who’s a great songwriter. I just loved that he was doing this song for Dave.

Musical Guest

Photo courtesy of @letterman, CBS publicity photo.

Mellencamp moves to center stage to perform “The Longest Days.” He dedicates this song to Dave. “You know, Dave, my grandmother lived to be 100 years old . . . She gave me some good advice . . . John, life is short even in its longest days.” He sings the folk song about looking back at life and savoring every moment as it happens. A perfect sentiment for the final six weeks. After the song, Dave shakes his hand and says, “Thank you, my friend. Lovely.”

Worldwide Pants Tag: “More pants, Chester.”