“From the Senate Cloak Room...”

It is Episode 6,012

April 28, 2015

“And now . . . a working stiff on the night shift . . . David Letterman.” The show begins with costume designer Sum Hum giving an audience member a handful of Dave’s ties. (If you are that woman, call me, I want one. Please and thank you.) Dave does his annual Tony Awards joke—the show is the biggest waste of a Broadway theater. A man comes out to ask for the cue card from that joke, since Dave has told it every year for two straight decades. They want to put the joke in the Smithsonian. He takes the card and throws it away in the dumpster on 53rd Street. This joke is sadder now because that is exactly where the set will end up (see Chapter 15).

The Top Ten List is “Things I’ve Always Wanted to Say to Hello Deli Customers.” Hello Deli owner Rupert Jee delivers the list. In the banter between Dave and Rupert Jee we learn that the best-selling sandwich is the Paul Shaffer, which sells for $7.95. Dave suggests that for the rest of run he sells it for a buck. Jee declines (see Chapter 10 for more on Rupert Jee).

The first guest is actor Michael Keaton. Paul plays “The Bird” for the walk-on music. Dave and Keaton talk about meeting in the 1970s, plus Keaton’s Oscar nomination and subsequent loss for Birdman. Keaton says he has saved his Oscar story for the Late Show. He explains that he was expecting to win until the Oscar lunch, when an older man shook his hand and said, “Sorry, illness always wins.”

Keaton then launches into his tribute. “Thank you for all these years. You are just gonna have to sit back and hate this. Bear down. When [Dave] showed up in Los Angeles, everyone knew it. This guy was so funny and fast. It was so clear how bright and funny and [he had] that great Midwestern thing. We have become friends. Look, you had a paper route, right? And look at this [Keaton moves his arm across the stage, the band, the audience, displaying all that has been in Dave’s eyeline for decades]. And look what you have now. Thanks for what you did for comedy. Thanks for all the stuff you did for me. I can’t tell you how much I am going to miss this. I kind of hate being here.” The audience applauds this tribute from one old friend to another.

Dave replies, “Michael is the kind of guy that you wake him up in the middle of his sleep and he will have something funny to say. He’s always funny and the right kind of funny.” After the break Keaton tells a story about the time he and his mother met the Pope.

Brian Teta: That was the first time I had worked with Michael Keaton. He did the entire pre-interview on a run, doing it through a Bluetooth headset. He was pretty steady. It wasn’t like he was laboring in any way. I thought it was very impressive. He had the idea to retell the Pope story. We never let people retell, but in this case, he wanted to go to the greatest hits. It really killed. I was proud of that appearance.

Bill Scheft: Michael told a story about meeting the Pope that was too long for a YouTube clip, but was note perfect in energy and build. I know Michael Keaton is a movie star, but he will always have a stand-up’s heart. 

Mike Buczkiewicz: Keaton is great because he is such a peculiar guy in all the right ways. I think if you just pulled him off the street and sat him next to Dave and said, “Go,” it would be funny.

For the third act, Dave says, “I am sorry we don’t have time to show the embarrassing videotape.” Dave wishes, but doesn’t get his way this time. The staff worked hard to convince Dave to roll this clip. Michael Keaton and David Letterman were cast members on the variety show The Mary Tyler Moore Hour (1979).

Brian Teta: I had been trying to get the Mary Tyler Moore thing on forever. The idea that Dave was doing stuff like that musical number was just mind-boggling. When you watch it, you can see what is going on in his head: “There is no way I am doing this.” I had tried at least four times to try to get it on the show. He always killed it. 

Mike Buczkiewicz: Keaton had been around Dave for so long that the comfort level was there. Not many people had that. When you get into that rarefied air it just takes the interviews to a whole new level. Keaton, Seinfeld, Clooney all have it. They call Dave out when they need to. They will poke fun, but there is a deep mutual respect on both sides of the ball.

Rick Scheckman: Michael and Dave are two guys who go back to working on the Mary Tyler Moore show without competition. Dave is doing stand-up at The Comedy Store when he is on the variety show, but it is not what he wants.

Before the clip is played, they reminisce about working on the show together. Wednesdays were choreography day, and Dave dreaded it. He says, “It was the worst day of my life for an entire summer.” He then reveals an interesting fact: “For a while the people at Saturday Night Live were nice enough to invite me to host that program. Because of that experience that we had [on The Mary Tyler Moore Hour], I said, ‘No dice.’”

Brian Teta: The funniest thing is Dave’s revelation that that was why he would never do SNL. I had no idea that was coming. I don’t think Michael loved the idea of showing the clip either. I said, “The staff wants to do this, we are gonna get Dave on board. You’ve got to do this.” Then he got behind it and was game to do it.

Rick Scheckman: We had the clip from the show in our archives. We carefully edited the clip that we had sent up to Dave. I am sure he has never seen the entire hour. He doesn’t revisit these things.

We see the clip of the two of them singing and dancing to the Paul McCartney song “With a Little Luck.” The other dancers are giving it their all, but Dave has no energy and is not committing. This is not the Letterman we have seen mocking the world for thirty-three years. When we come back, Dave is hiding under the desk.

Brian Teta: He was hysterical, hiding under the desk. During the segment, I am looking at the clock and I am thinking, “We are not gonna have enough time.” He is delaying. He doesn’t want to show it. Then he looks to the podium and says, “That’s it. We’re done?” We yelled, “Got to show the tape!” Then he begrudgingly did it. Barbara or Nancy was timing the show and we went three segments. 

Musical Guest

Future Islands, fronted by Samuel Herring, performs “The Chase.” A year ago they had made their first appearance on the Late Show and had thrilled Dave. Musical booker Sheryl Zelikson recalls Future Islands’s first appearance.

Sheryl Zelikson: Dave was talking about having Future Islands on. I had listened to the album and wasn’t really getting it. I remember seeing how kids were going nuts about them, so I called and said, “Let’s book it.” If you listen to that first appearance, Samuel has a very guttural way of singing. I was in the song engineer’s room when the performance was happening. I was watching them like, “Oh my God.” He was so amused by it. People look to his reaction. So if he enjoyed it this much, then other people will enjoy it. It reminded me of some of the stuff from the NBC show. The show was viable all the way up to the end. Front to back, not just the music.

Dave introduces this 2015 appearance by saying, “We have been waiting for them to come back and be on the show.” Herring dedicates the song to his hometown of Baltimore, where a riot had just occurred over the death of Freddie Gray, an African-American who died unarmed in police custody. “This song is gonna go out to the people in Baltimore. Let us not discount their voices—or the voices of all the people in the cities that we live and love.” Paul Shaffer, Will Lee, and Felicia Collins join the band at the end of the performance. Just like he did the year before, Herring dances and rocks the studio audience. Dave tells the band, “You are welcome here anytime. I won’t be here, but you are welcome here anytime.”

Worldwide Pants Tag: “Yours in pants.”