5. The Women Who Won’t Appear

Around the first time

I began to see things, I heard

Miriam Makeba’s “Pata Pata” song,

raunchy and swinging out from my radio,

“Yi yo mama yiyomama,” come and get me, comeandgetme.

I asked her to appear,

but she declined, although mysteriously

I have heard the song many more times, almost whenever

I turn on the radio.

None of my women will appear, not the ones I love

and not the ones I fear. Not Emily Dickinson,

though she famously pays calls on friends

in her nightie and flip-flops.

Not Doris Day, though I offered to set her up nicely

in a station coffee shop with a fox fur collar

and a chrome tulip coupe of vanilla to poke at with a spoon.

So to myself alone I said:

“They will not come to you

because they are in you.

Neither will they beckon or instruct

except through this mouth.”