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The moment my phone started ringing I pulled it from my jacket pocket and not recognizing the number I answered it, expecting it to be one of my contacts on the road.
“What have you got for me?” I asked, which these days was the usual way I answered most calls. I had been on my way to Dom’s office, where he seemed to spend most of his time. Although, I had been informed that he had some new evidence that she had been seen on some security footage at a shopping mall in Jacksonville where she had been spotted.
So naturally, I had been on my way there as he told me the footage was being sent to him. It was our joint hope that whatever it was she was seen purchasing might then lead us to the next clue to follow. Although, granted I didn’t see what it was that she could have bought from a shopping mall that would give us much to go on. Unless it was a ticket to a destination, road map or better still a travel guide on that particular area. Naturally, I didn’t hold out much hope for either of these things.
No, instead my hope came, unbeknown at the time, in the form of answering my phone on the way there and finally, after nearly two weeks without it, I heard her voice.
“Nothing but hello, I guess,” she said softly, referring to the way I answered the phone. I swear in that moment I had to question whether I was fucking dreaming or not, for my steps faltered until I found myself struck frozen in the middle of the hallway.
“Amelia?” I said her name in question, doing so now in a hushed tone, as if testing my own sanity.
“Hey, yeah it’s me,” she said sounding strange and I was soon to find out why.
“I know, sweetheart, and I am...”
“I am so tired, Lucius,” she said interrupting me, her words mirroring the sound of her voice. However, I couldn’t help but take pleasure in the fact that she was back to calling me Lucius.
“Then stop running and come home to me,” I told her softly, trying to keep my voice steady, even though to do so wasn’t easy as my body was anything but relaxed. I wanted to say so many things in that moment, but I also didn’t want to push her too soon, too quickly. Just the fact that she was reaching out to me was a huge step, not one I wanted to squander by making demands I knew she wouldn’t like.
“Or you could just give up and let me go,” she suggested making me close my eyes against the very idea of it.
“That is never going to happen,” I told her, still keeping my tone as calm as I was physically capable.
“But I am so tired, I just need to sleep, and you won’t let me,” she said in such a small voice that my heart ached for her. She sounded so alone, so lost and even a little scared that it made me question what had happened.
“You can sleep, sweetheart, in fact you need to,” I said in an urging tone.
“No, but that’s the thing, I can’t because you won’t let me and I know you won’t because every time I do, I feel you there or I wake up scared that you’re trying, so I am just getting these useless power naps which is starting to make my brain useless and like mush.”
“Amelia?” I said her name in question as it was clear something wasn’t right.
“No, seriously, some old guy asked my name today and I told him it was cornflake, because that was what I was eating at the time,” she said on a rush of words and I knew then the reason she had been brave enough to make this call.
“Amelia, have you been drinking?”
“Yes, I have recently developed a taste for cocktails, but there is this one that’s called a long island iced tea and it’s yummy but so very dangerous, as I spent a while looking for my room and I was at the wrong side of the, let’s call it a place, ‘cause I am being sneaky remember...Ssshh,” she said in an endearing way that made my chest ache because all I wanted was to be there with her. To scoop her up in my arms and take care of her.
As what if being drunk could make her vulnerable? It could put her in a dangerous situation, like if she was unable to fight? Gods, I hated that I was forced to think this way, but without knowing where she was, then being paranoid had become an everyday occurrence. One only fueled now by the sound of her being inebriated.
But then I also knew I couldn’t scold her for it, as she would most likely hang up and I would have lost my opportunity. No, I needed to keep her talking. Besides, it looked like she might be in a hotel because she mentioned looking for a room.
So in hopes of it sounding like an innocent enough question, I asked,
“Did you find it?”
“Find what?” she asked, ending it with a little hiccup that again, made me ache for her sweetness.
“Your room, sweetheart, did you find your room?”
“Oh that, yeah I am here now. Why, do you want my pillow chocolates?” she giggled making me swallow hard through the sound and tell her softly,
“You keep them for me.” I then held back from adding, ‘for when I get there’ knowing that it would only remind her that she was being hunted. Something her drunken mind had chosen not to focus on if the lighthearted part of this phone call was anything to go by.
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because I want to imagine where it is you are, whilst I am speaking to you,” I told her in a subtle way.
“Ha! So, I can give you a clue as to where to find me...nope, nope, I don’t think so,” she said in a playful tone and I could hear her shaking her head, which must have made her burp, as she giggled again at the sound. So much for her mind not being focused, I thought wryly.
“I think you’re safe by telling me if you are sat on the bed or on a chair,” I pointed out.
“Bed and it’s comfy,” she said, obviously giving it a little bounce as I could hear the slight squeak. I dragged a hand through my hair in frustration and, forcing my tone to continue to be calm, I asked,
“And do you still have a drink in hand, or did you leave your last cocktail at the bar?”
“Nope, I left it at my table, although I should probably drink some water, they say that’s good, right?” she asked making me sigh,
“Yes, that is probably best, do you have any or do you need to call room service?” I asked, all the while trying to discover little bits of information. For I knew if it had a bar and room service then I could cross all motels and bed and breakfasts off my list.
“I have some in the fridge,” she told me, and I heard the sound of her getting up and opening a door. Then I heard the sound of a bottle cap twisting telling me she was doing as suggested.
“Is there anything else in there, like food to soak up the alcohol, as that will help also?” I asked at the same mentally wondering how many hotels could be crossed off a list due to the contents offered in a minibar.
“Oh, Gods, I couldn’t eat another bite! There is a lot of food here, like they are constantly feeding you!” she said laughing and taking another sip of her water, telling me that would most definitely help in narrowing my search as it was starting to sound as if she were at an all-inclusive resort of some kind, perhaps in Florida as Pip suggested.
“That’s good,” I commented trying not to let on where my thoughts were.
“It is? Why, because I think if I keep eating like this, then I will be the size of a house by the time I get there...I’ve been living on junk food, and I can’t decide which was my favorite,” she said rambling and not realising that she was giving me more and more information, so I decided to push a little.
“No, you won’t, maybe a cute little hippo, but not a house.” She giggled at that and Gods, how I had missed the sound.
“Unless, of course, you are planning on writing a book on the junk food of the States?” I said making her laugh, at the same time I was holding myself ridged, as if waiting any moment for a single place name.
“Umm, now why didn’t I think about that?”
“I will let you have the idea, at a price of course.” She made a huh, huh sound and after another little burp slipped out, she asked in a sceptical tone,
“And what would that price be exactly?” This told me that I needed to continue to be cautious here, so decided to change my answer,
“I will only ask for fifty percent of the cut and a place on the book tour.” She laughed again,
“Great, I will see you in Milwaukee then.” My heart started pounding and I asked in a feigned amused tone,
“Why, is that where you are?” However, the hope in my tone was easy to hear because she released a deep sigh and said,
“No, I am not in Milwaukee, Lucius.” I closed my eyes against the disappointment and forced myself to say,
“That’s a shame, I hear they have good beer there.”
“Really?” she sounded genuinely interested so I kept the conversation going and told her what I knew of the place,
“It’s known for its breweries, also your uncle would like it.”
“Yeah, how come?”
“It has the Harley Davidson museum there.” At this she laughed.
“Oooh, I wonder if they have a job going,” she teased, making me reply,
“Well, it is said to have Elvis Presley’s bike there, so how is your knowledge of the King of Rock and Roll?” I teased back.
“The King of Blood Rock, pretty good, the King of the famous hip roll...not so much.” This time I was the one to laugh and tried once again,
“Then may I be so bold as to suggest that be your next destination... better yet, let me meet you there and I can be your guide.”
“Nice try, as I think that would defeat what I am trying to achieve here.” I gritted my teeth at her reply.
“Which is?” I braved to ask, knowing that I was pushing this.
“I may be drunk, Lucius, but I am not stupid...you won’t find me, you know, she added in a sad tone and I swallowed hard, making a fist with my hand and pressing it against the top of a sideboard I was stood next to.
“Then why did you call me...why chance it?” I decided to come right out and ask.
“For two reasons, the first being I wanted to ask you a favour,” she said making me raise a brow intrigued, telling her,
“If it’s for me to stop looking for you, then I am sorry, but I can’t do that, sweetheart.”
“No, I don’t suppose you will, but can you at least let me sleep?” I hated that she was right to blame me in this, despite telling her,
“I am not stopping you from sleeping, in fact, I encourage it.”
“Yeah, so you can sneak into my mind and try and get me to show you...”
“Sleep, Amelia,” I interrupted her in a tender tone.
“Yeah, so you can...” I swiftly cut her off again and added my reasons why she should sleep,
“I won’t risk your health for the sake of finding you. If you are asking me to let you sleep, then I will honour your wishes and grant you a promise that after tonight I will leave your mind in peace.” She released a deep and weary sigh before she muttered a small and sweet,
“Thank you.” I nodded, despite her being too far from me to know, instead forcing out,
“You’re welcome, Amelia.”
“You know you don’t need to do this, you don’t owe them anything,” she said making me frown, hating what reasons her mind had warped reality to be. Which was precisely why I told her,
“Despite what you think, I am not searching for you for any other gain but my own.” I heard her swallowing down her emotions and I knew in that moment that she was crying, and my back hit the wall at the faint sound of her trying to hide it from me.
“I wish I could believe that, you have no idea how much I do,” she told me, and the wood crumbled in between my fingers.
“You are the only one who has the power to change that, my girl.” At this she cleared her throat and I could almost see her shaking her head, so before she had the chance to back track, I asked her,
“Tell me the second reason.”
“Second reason?” she asked as she’d obviously forgotten her own words.
“The reasons you called, you said there were two, so I am asking what was the other?”
“Oh that,” she said in a small voice that only made me want to hold her.
“It doesn’t really matter now, does it,” she told me, making me silently utter her name before I could speak again.
“It matters to me...it always will,” I told her making her sigh,
“And if I tell you, you swear to keep your promise, you won’t try and get in my head again...right?” I hated doing it, knowing what it could end up costing me, but I said it anyway,
“I am usually known to be a man of my word, yes,” I said unable to keep the strain from my voice.
“Then I will tell you.” She took a deep breath, muttered a whispered, ‘what am I doing?’ before she did it anyway and told me,
“I was watching a couple dancing tonight. They couldn’t stop smiling at each other. It was like the whole world didn’t exist, as if not a single person was there watching them... like they were the only two people in the room. It was so beautiful, like they had spent their entire lives dancing to that same song...you know?” At this I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, seeing it for myself and feeling the same pain that she had felt watching it.
For then she confessed,
“I called because...I miss dancing with you.” The moment the words finally were allowed to flow over me, I lost my stance allowing my body to slide down the wall until I was sat on the floor leaning against it. An elbow to my bent knee was when I rested a heavy mind in my hand, holding it there as if it was suddenly too much to ask my body to support it.
Gods, how much I wanted her back!
“Then choose not to miss it and come back to me, for I can only promise you a dance when you’re back in my arms,” I told her, making her suck back a sob.
“I...I can’t.” This was when I couldn’t help but lose the fake persona of patience with her,
“So that’s it then, you truly believe that we will never see each other again!?”
“The world’s a big place, Lucius, but who knows, maybe one day I will be ready to come home and maybe then I will be able to look at you again without it being too damn painful. Without this feeling, without this fucking agony that is tearing me in two...without remembering...”
“Without remembering what...tell me?” I asked forcing my hand to ease the pressure on the damn device that I wanted to crush in my anger, in my frustration and in the drowning reality that my own fucking heart was breaking!
But then she whispered her answer before hanging up the phone and I swear that crack in my heart became a fucking chasm,
“Without remembering...”
“...the days you loved me.”