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After she hung up the phone my head dropped, and I must have looked like a man broken. In fact, the only reason my phone survived was in the hope that she would call me back. I was also damning not having my people monitoring my phone for calls to be traced, thinking the very last thing she would have done was call me.
But she had.
She missed me.
The knowledge was like a bitter scented balm that soothed the doubts of her actions in leaving me. I was furious that she had left, of course I was. And knowing that she was somewhere in the world hurting did little to relieve the ache. What did relieve it, however, was knowing that her heart was still mine and it gave me hope that not all was lost between us. That the fight I thought I would have on my hands once I did finally find her, no longer looked like an impossible win.
But the true pain came from not knowing when that battle would be. I had tried to get what information I could from her. But I swear the moment I heard her voice again it became harder to focus on the mission. Of course, knowing she was drunk had been an advantage I wanted to exploit, which was why my promise made was only one for after tonight. Because I knew if she had been drinking then the barricades on her mind wouldn’t be there and the best part about it was, she wouldn’t even realise that I was there.
But first I needed to pick myself off the floor and in this moment, I will be honest, that in itself seemed like an immeasurable task.
“Now, that looks like a place I have been before,” Dom said making me barely even acknowledge him by anything more than a shrug of my shoulders. But then, as the silence between us grew, I found myself asking,
“And did you also curse the Gods, as I do now?”
“Every damn day me and Keira were apart,” he replied honestly. Then I saw a movement in front of me, making me look up to find his hand was held out for me to take. So, I took the moment between us for what it was...
A show of kinship.
I rose to my feet with his help and shook his hand in silent thanks before letting go.
“I take it she called?” he asked nodding to the phone in my hand with the now cracked screen.
“What gave it away?” I asked dryly.
“Other than often looking down at a broken phone being a place I have also lived through, then it is the look of someone who’s just had their chest ripped open and their heart handed to them.” I scoffed at that and said,
“And I take it this is also something...”
“I have experienced...let’s just say that my daughter shares many traits with those of her mother. Give it time, Luc, she will see sense.”
“Yes, well just as long as that sense doesn’t include a French prick with daddy issues.” At this he growled at the memory before grumbling,
“Don’t fucking remind me of that poisonous heartbeat with a death wish.”
“Yeah, well lucky for you, you’re not reminded of the shit stain every time you clench your fist and hear leather groan.” At this Dom laughed as we started walking towards his office,
“All in the name of saving the world, Luc.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you didn’t get ten years of Michael Jackson jokes from Pip.” At this he actually threw his head back and laughed, so loud in fact that as we walked into the office Keira was startled by the sound.
“Alright, you two walking into a room both laughing tells me that I have reason enough to be concerned,” she stated with a frown. Then Dom walked up to her, tipped her head back before telling her,
“Nothing to concern yourself with, but how do you think Amelia would feel about changing her name to Billy Jean?” At this I growled,
“Not fucking funny.” To which he ignored me and told her,
“Amelia rang Luc.” Her eyes grew wide before looking to me with hope blooming quickly.
“She did?!” I nodded and before I had the chance to explain the extent of it, Pip and Adam chose that moment to walk in, with her asking,
“Someone was talking about me, I know because my third and favorite toe was itchingalingalo.” Keira laughed and muttered,
“Oh Gods, not this again.”
“Well, am I wrongalingalo?” she asked with her hands on her hips above what looked like a fucking red and white polka dot tutu.
“Wrongalingalo?” Keira dared to ask.
“She is trying out this new thing where the last word in every sentence ends in an alingalo sound and if you could find any way to get her to stop this, then I would be in your debt,” Adam replied making her smack him and complain,
“You said it was cutealingalo?”
“That was before I realised the level of your commitment to doing so, my little peach,” he replied flicking her nose playfully.
“Ha, well that’s what you get for being a Mr Doubty Pantalingalo!” He groaned and muttered,
“No that is what I get for having an insanely cute wife...any news?” Adam asked after making this comment, no doubt hoping to end the discussion with a certain colourful aspect in his life.
“I just received a call from her,” I informed him, unsurprisingly, making Pip the first to comment.
“Holy shitalingalo,” she uttered gripping onto Adam’s arm as I knew that by Amelia leaving the way she did, hadn’t only affected me or her parents, but it had shaken everyone who cared deeply for her. It was also the reason why most of Dom’s council were still out there looking for her, using what resources they had to do so.
But no resource would be enough and not like the one I would be using against her one last time. However, before that, I explained what had been said, making Keira get teary once more before she started blaming herself... and cryptically, damning the Fates. But before I could ask why, Pip suddenly shouted,
“Oh my good Gods given me a giddy Auntyalingalo!” I frowned down at her and before I had chance to bark at her to talk fucking properly, Adam intervened.
“Perhaps it is a good time to take a break from your personal quest and just speak your mind...doing so quickly,” he added when nodding back to me to see for herself how close to the edge I was. Of course, reliving through the painful call hadn’t helped matters. Which was when she shouted,
“I knew it, she is on a fucking cruise!” Everyone groaned in exasperation.
“But we already told you, she gets seasick, Fae hates boats,” Keira argued whilst Adam, mouthed a ‘Sorry’ at me, excusing his wife, which she saw and hit him on the arm for.
“I am being serious!” she argued making me fold my arms, barely having enough restraint left to force out a clipped,
“Explain.”
“Think about it, what did she say, she mentioned loads of food, check, she mentioned a couple dancing, uh yeah, check, and she mentioned old people, check, check and triple check, because there are loads of them... the oldies just love their cruises,” she said this behind her hand aimed at Dom who, as usual, didn’t look as though he had a clue how to deal with her.
“I hardly think just because she mentioned food, old people and dancing that it is enough to assume...” Dom started to say, until his wife interrupted him.
“Actually, I think she is right,” Keira said after looking deep in thought.
“Told you, it’s the oldies, it’s common knowledge,” Pip commented with a wink at me.
“Plus, why now, eh?” Pip asked,
“Why now, what?” I asked in irritation.
“Yeah, I mean there must have been a reason she felt safe enough to call you,” Keira pointed out, obviously agreeing with her friend.
“And safe enough to get blotto drunkalingalo...what, still no?” Pip said adding this last part when Adam cleared his throat and shook his head down at her, telling her silently to still keep her crazy at bay.
“I have to go,” I said quickly, making the four of them stop to look at me as I walked towards the door.
“Where?”
“Where do you think...to find out if you’re right?”
As expected, the moment I linked my mind with hers I felt little resistance unlike all the other times before. It reminded me of the past when I was free to plant dreams in her mind. Something at the time that had been easily achieved. Which was why, when I stepped into her Void, I wasn’t surprised to find I did so in the middle of a heavy dream she was having. This had been precisely what I had been hoping for, as when she woke, she would do so believing it was a dream she had created and nothing more.
As this time, I was here merely to observe, not make demands of her mind. I wasn’t forcing her to look around or access any memories. I was simply a spectator hoping that her dreams would feature where she was and what she had seen recently. Simply put, she would just think that she had dreamt of me by her own doing.
Because even though I wasn’t breaking my promise, I knew she wouldn’t have seen it that way. Besides, she had sounded tired and I didn’t want to do any more damage than I already had done. I wanted her to sleep and do so peacefully, something I knew she hadn’t been able to do since she started running.
That being said, I still had to know. I had to know if there was any truth to Pip’s theory. Because as much as I wanted to deny it even being possible, the fact remained that the idea of her taking a ship hadn’t even occurred to me, nor had it to anyone else. Which was why I foolishly hadn’t thought to have her passport flagged at any ports. Meaning that she had conquered her dislike of sailing just to get away.
Naturally, the thought didn’t sit well with me but then again, just because I hoped for something not to be true, it wouldn’t make it so. Which was why I felt as though I had no choice but to invade her mind once more and for what I knew would be the last time...for I would not reward her for trusting to call me by breaking my promise to her.
However, the moment that I stepped through the dark edges of her mind was when the room around me transformed into that of a small dance floor. It was one surrounded by empty tables and chairs...well, almost empty. As now it held only one occupant sat at a table facing the empty floor head on...
Amelia.
It was as if she was waiting for something and the moment the music started to play, I knew what. Seconds after this, an image emerged in the centre of the dance floor, a lone couple dancing who looked to be in their seventies. And Amelia had been right, the sight was a startlingly symbolic one.
I walked slowly towards her as she immersed herself in the sight of the couple, telling me that she was replaying parts of the evening. She even had the tall cocktail glass in front of her half consumed and the five empty glasses also there keeping count.
“I told you it was a beautiful sight,” she told me without taking her eyes off the two.
“That you did, my Khuba, that you did,” I told her, barely even acknowledging the sight, for I was too mesmerized by the sight of her. She was wearing a black lace, cocktail dress with her hair swept elegantly off to one side. But it was her haunted eyes that concerned me, the way they watched the couple with lost hope in their depths.
Then she said softly,
“The dance ended.” I looked towards the couple and saw them suddenly begin to float away. It was as if their image was caught on the wind and the painting of life had started to fade into the darkness after being dragged away by the elements against them.
“Then dance with me,” I said holding out a hand for her to take, knowing that now it was safe for me to touch her, for it was a dream she controlled. She finally looked up at me and I found myself taken aback by the slight spark of hope I saw there. Then she looked down at my offered hand and took her time in deciding, telling me,
“Can you forgive me for dreaming of you.” I frowned first at her question, wondering in fact if this question wasn’t aimed at herself.
“There is nothing to forgive, for I always want you dreaming of me,” I told her, and it was something in my response that made her place her hand in my own and tell me,
“Then I will forgive myself instead.”
I didn’t like the sound of that but instead of telling her so, I walked her to the centre of the dance floor. After which, the same song the older couple had been dancing to started to sing out around the room. It was our turn.
“Why do you feel like you need to forgive yourself?” I finally asked after a few silent minutes of leading her around the room, to which she answered,
“Because I will suffer for the memory of it tomorrow.” I tensed at this, something she could feel as it seemed to resonate down from my frame and into hers.
“Then why think of me at all?” I snapped making her swallow hard and tell me,
“Maybe I am just addicted to the pain of you.” I tore my face from hers at the agony this brought me and swung her around and then back to me, catching her and holding her against my chest. We seemed lost in the moment and just as I wished to kiss her, she closed her eyes and said,
“Maybe I always have been.” This stopped me in my tracks, and I straightened, before telling her,
“You’re not addicted to pain, Amelia, you’re just running scared from being forced to face the possibility of it finding you.” At this her eyes widened before narrowing as my words obviously started to hit home. Then I swung her around, letting her spin out to the side and as she was held there at the stretched length of our hands holding each other, she looked back at me and said,
“You mean of you finding me.” At this I yanked her hard once more, making her spin back into my chest before gripping a hand at her hip. Then I looked down at her and issued her a promise,
“Oh, make no mistake, my beauty, I will find you and when I do, I won’t bring you pain, I will only bring you truth, one that will make you sorry that you ever ran from me.” At this she yanked herself from my hold and told me,
“I don’t think I like this dream anymore.” I frowned back at her, crossed my arms, and told her,
“Then run from it, after all, it’s clearly what you do best.” At this she looked as if I had slapped her and I nearly cursed my anger. Especially when I was here for the sole purpose of discovering where she was. Instead I was pushing her to do as I expected she would, which was start running from me again. So, the second she turned around and ran towards the door, I growled in frustration, cursing before going after her.
“Fuck! Amelia, wait!” I shouted before running through the vision of the room she had been in and the second I got through the door, it all started to change. Soon I found myself running down a narrow corridor filled with doors, one that continued to branch off, causing me to get lost in the maze. Yet I could hear softly crying and I tried to follow the sound, making me wonder if this was the part of the night where she explained that she couldn’t find her room.
Then finally, when I turned a corner, I saw her at the end. She was staggering down the narrow aisle with her shoes dangling from her fingers. She was also swaying slightly, before she steadied herself on someone else’s door, apologizing to no one before she continued on. I muttered a curse again and made off running down the length of the corridor after her, hoping to catch her just before she got to her room so I could see for myself.
However, the second I saw her disappearing around yet another corner I snarled in anger, hitting out against one of the doors as I passed. I rounded the same corner, only I was too late as I wasn’t met with a door like I had hoped to be. No, instead I was suddenly inside her room. And that was when I saw her.
The image of her as I knew she was now. Curled up on the bed, still wearing her dress, one that had bunched around the tops of her sun kissed thighs. Her shoes remained at the side of the bed where she had obviously dropped them and next to her, was a half-consumed bottle of water. But it wasn’t the water that took my interest, no it was the room’s phone that she was clutching to her chest, the receiver off the hook and in her hand, as if it brought her some comfort.
The sight caused me to stop dead in my tracks and all earlier anger fled me. She looked so lost. So lonely and vulnerable, that all I wanted to do was scoop her up in my arms and hold her through the night. To whisper in her ear that I would take care of her and to beg her to stop running from me. But two things stopped this and the first was when she whispered my name in her sleep,
“Lucius, you promised.” After this I was about to ease her mind and tell her to go back to sleep, when something else caught my eyes. So, I glanced from her sleeping form and found,
Another window.
It was small for a hotel room and as it started to come more into focus, rising from the shadows, the size wasn’t the only thing I noticed. It was the view beyond that had me transfixed. The seemingly endless abyss, that this time wasn’t just part of her Void.
Nor was it a sight that had been conjured up from the random access of memories.
No, this time her dream had quickly become my nightmare, as the reality of where she was had finally come to light.
Because Pip had been right...
My heart was at sea.
Amelia