River School

For the rest of the afternoon, we had something called river school. If you’ve never heard of it before, don’t worry. Neither had I. All you need to know is that it’s one of the top five most boring things I’ve ever done.

Fish talked (and talked) to us about hydrology, ecology, biology, and more ologies than I can remember. I think there were a couple of ographies in there too.

We also learned about safety, safety, and more safety. After another raft inspection, Pittman made it sound like there were at least thirty-three different ways to ruin your life by not paddling correctly or “staying sharp on the river.”

They told us what eddies and wave trains were too. And supposedly, it was super-important for us to know every last difference between Class 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 rapids. They went over it about six times.

Finally, they put us up on the rafts. On dry land. That’s where we learned to paddle. (Kind of.) I think everyone was getting as bored as I was by then.

“If you fall off, float on your back and keep your feet in front of you,” Pittman said.

“Don’t try to fight the water!” Fish said about a dozen times. “The water always wins.”

“And remember,” Pittman told us, “you always work as a team. Any questions?”

“Yeah,” Arnie said. “What’s for dinner?”

Pittman ignored him. “Okay then,” she said. “That means we can move on to the quiz.”

“Say what?” Diego said. “Nobody said anything about a quiz.”

“Duly noted,” Fish said. He and Pittman were already busting out the paper and pencils.

“Anyone who gets at least eight out of ten questions right on the first try earns an extra tag,” Pittman said. “Less than that, and you take the quiz again—after a one-hour review session.”