Chapter 34
A few months after the Christmas when I tracked down the girls of my failed middle school and high school relationships, I happened to be in Sasha’s home state of North Dakota for a speech. In fact, I was in her city. Her number was still in my phone, so I broke radio silence by sending her a text to ask if she wanted to have dinner while I was in town.
And that’s how I found myself at a booth with Sasha in a sushi place that had a little fountain in the middle of it. I was nervous. Our conversation was basically an act of verbal procrastination.
Eventually, she asked, “So, you have a girlfriend?”
“No. Do you have a boyfriend?”
She shook her head, smiling like that was a funny question. “No. No boyfriend.”
“Speaking of which…”
She raised her eyebrows.
I continued, “Remember when we were—I mean, remember when we used to be—remember…” This was not going well so far. “When I came to Las Vegas? To the Miss America pageant?”
“Of course.”
“That was a big deal for me.”
“I bet. That banquet was two thousand dollars a plate.”
I smiled. “Oh yeah. I got a free ticket.”
“How?”
“This whole time you thought I paid two grand for it?”
“How’d you get it?”
“Doesn’t matter now. Look, what I want to know is, how come you blew me off that night?”
“What?”
“You blew me off. You barely said a word to me.”
“Josh, I was about to compete in Miss America.”
“And I had just paid two thousand dollars to see you do it.”
“I thought your ticket was free.”
“It was. But you didn’t know that.”
“The pageant was the biggest day of my life. It was a whirlwind. I barely even talked to my parents.”
Our waitress arrived with my seaweed salad.
“So how come you never called me afterward?”
“After what?”
“The pageant.”
She frowned. “You mean after I lost?”
“After you competed in Miss America.”
“I was eliminated in the first round.”
“So? You were one of the top fifty-two girls in the country. In America!”
“Josh, what did you place in the Paralympics?”
“Thirty-fourth.”
“And were you proud of that finish?”
I was silent.
“Were you?”
“I see your point.”
“Answer the question, please.”
“No, I thought it was a pretty bad finish.”
“But Josh! You were at the Paralympics! You were one of the top ski racers… in the world!”
“All right, all right, I understand.”
“Do you? I don’t think you do. Because that’s why I didn’t call you, if you must know. You had paid all that money and traveled all that way to see me compete. I wanted you to see me win and wanted you to be my boyfriend. But I lost. And I was ashamed about that. I was embarrassed.”
It was a lot to process. But above everything she had just said, blinking like a neon sign in Vegas, was a single word: “boyfriend.”
“You liked me?” I asked.
“Of course I liked you.”
“So why didn’t you call me?”
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I didn’t call you because you blew me off. I thought you had started dating someone else or something.”
“Well, you were wrong.”
But then it occurred to me: We could make things right. Now that it was all out in the open, now that we were both single and sitting there together in this sushi restaurant…
“Maybe it’s not too late,” I said.
“No, it is.”
“But why? Just because we live far apart?”
“Josh—”
“We could come visit each other.”
“Josh—”
“Sasha, we could make this work!”
“Josh!”
“What?”
She looked down at the table silently.
“What?” I said again.
She kept her gaze fixed. I followed it down to her hand, where I noticed for the first time a sparkling diamond ring. I blinked a few times.
“I thought you said you don’t have a boyfriend,” I said softly.
“I don’t. I have a fiancé.”
“Oh. Well. Congratulations,” I said unconvincingly. “When did you meet?”
“Three months ago. We got engaged six weeks later.”
I didn’t say anything, but I guess my surprise was written all over my face.
“When you know, you know,” she said. “You just have to find the right person.”
“I wouldn’t know.”