‘Guess what?’ demanded Mrs Haggerthwaite, bursting through the kitchen door. And before anybody had a chance to respond, she added, ‘I have the most amazing news!’
The reaction was not all it might have been. Midge, who was tickling Liverwort, hardly looked up. Jessica shot her mother a forbidding glance over the top of the large volume that was propped up in front of her (it was, even more forbiddingly, called Astrophysics Made Simple). Liverwort just burped.
Mrs Haggerthwaite was not easily put off.
‘I’ll give you three guesses!’
‘You’ve bought another toad?’ Midge suggested. And he made soothing noises at Liverwort — the Haggerthwaite’s toad in case he should feel threatened by this.
‘You’ve actually found a job?’ said Jessica. She looked at her mother and then, meaningfully, at the bills that were stuck to the fridge. Several of them had ‘Last Demand for Payment’ written across the top in large, unfriendly letters. Then she sniffed, to show just how unlikely she thought this was.
‘That’s it!’
Jessica gasped. Midge stopped tickling Liverwort and gazed at his mother. Even Liverwort gave an enquiring croak.
‘I don’t believe you,’ said Jessica. ‘Who would give you a job? Anyway, I thought you didn’t want one. You always say you need all your time for your witching’ Not that Jessica approved of this. She thought her mother spent altogether too much time on her witchcraft, and not nearly enough time looking for a sensible job. But that was not the point.
‘All right.’ Mrs Haggerthwaite came clean. ‘I haven’t exactly got a job. But it’s just as good. Actually, it’s even better!’ She paused for a moment. ‘I’m going to be a professional witch! Mellandra Haggerthwaite, Professional Witch! Doesn’t that sound good?’
There was a long, long silence.
Midge looked stunned. In fact, he looked as if somebody had just crept up and whacked him over the head with Jessica’s Junior Science Encyclopedia. As for Jessica, she had to clutch the table to steady herself. She was thinking, It’s finally happened. Mum really has gone off her head. But out loud she said, ‘Mum, you can’t have got a job as a professional witch. There are no professional witches.’
‘Exactly!’ said Mrs Haggerthwaite. ‘That’s the beauty of it. I’ll be the first one! Why I shouldn’t be surprised if we don’t end up millionaires!’ She glanced at their dazed faces and exclaimed, ‘Oh for goodness sake! Let me get a cup of tea and I’ll explain.’
According to Mrs Haggerthwaite, it had all started in the library. She was looking at the job section of the local paper at the time and was in a very bad mood - for while, as Jessica said, she definitely needed a job, it was also true that she didn’t really want one. She was looking at the advertisements in the Bellstone Gazette, and thinking crossly how few jobs there were for somebody with experience of witchcraft, or which would fit in with her busy schedule of herb-gathering and charm-making. And she wondered why there were jobs for cooks and manicurists and dental nurses, but absolutely nothing in the magical line at all.
‘And that’s when it came to me,’ said Mrs Haggerthwaite. ‘Where do you go if you need magical services? A good-luck charm or a love potion? Or if your house is haunted by your great-aunt’s ghost? There isn’t anywhere to go. Because there just aren’t any professional witches out there. Until now. Because that’s where I come in!’
Jessica groaned. ‘Mum! You can’t be a professional witch! Everyone will think you’re mad! And what about me and Midge? I mean what will they say at school?’
‘They’ll be green with envy!’
‘No they won’t. They’ll kill themselves laughing. Why, we’ll be the biggest joke in Bellstone!’
Mrs Haggerthwaite had not thought of this. In fact, it had never even occurred to her that there might be something unusual in a mother who was a witch. She said, ‘Jessica! You’re not - you’re not suggesting that I embarrass you?’
She actually looked upset. And suddenly Jessica found that she was unable to say what she had been going to say: that of course Mrs Haggerthwaite embarrassed her, she was probably the most embarrassing mother in the Universe.
‘She doesn’t mean it like that, Mum,’ said Midge, although both he and Jessica knew very well that she did.
‘No,’ said Jessica quickly. ‘But what about me? You know I’m going to be a world-famous scientist. That’s hard enough, especially if you’re a girl. But how many world-famous scientists have you heard of with witches for mothers?’
‘Lots,’ said Mrs Haggerthwaite. Then, before Jessica could ask her to name one, she added quickly, ‘Anyway magic and science aren’t as different as you think.’
‘Of course they are!’
‘No they’re not. What do you think really turns the light on when you press the switch?’
‘Electricity,’ chorused Jessica and Midge together.
‘And what is electricity may I ask?’
Midge hesitated. But Jessica said confidently, ‘Electrons, travelling down a wire.’
‘And what, may I ask, are electrons?’
‘They’re bits of atoms. And before you ask, atoms are very small particles which everything is made from.’
‘Show me one, then,’ said Mrs Haggerthwaite.
‘What? But I can’t. They’re invisible!’
‘Invisible? Sounds like magic to me,’ said Mrs Haggerthwaite triumphantly.
Jessica scowled. ‘They’re not magic, they’re science! Anyway, that’s not the point. You can’t set up as a witch. Everyone’ll just think you’re mad! And I bet Dad says the same.’
‘I’m sure he’ll think it’s an excellent idea,’ said Mrs Haggerthwaite. ‘Just like I did, when he set up his own gardening business.’
Jessica shouted, ‘Well, I think it’s a rotten idea! And I bet Dad does too. What’s more I’m going to fetch him and find out!’ And she leapt up and ran for the door.
* * *
Midge caught up with her as she was running out of the gate.
‘Stop!’ he yelled. ‘Where are you going, anyway?’
Jessica paused for a moment. ‘Just to Aunt Kate’s. Dad said he was doing some jobs for her this afternoon.’ Aunt Kate was Mr Haggerthwaite’s sister, and when business was slow she often asked him to look after her vegetable patch or the plants in her greenhouse. Business had been slow a lot lately.
‘There’s no point telling Dad,’ said Midge. ‘He’ll find out when he gets home.’ He hesitated. Anyway they’ll only have another fight.’
‘Well, at least it will be a fight about something sensible,’ said Jessica. She added, ‘For once.’
Midge sighed. Of course, it was true their parents often had fights, and they were often about the stupidest things. For example, once they had had a fight about whether eating carrots gave you dandruff. Another time they had fallen out over whether the capital of Japan was Rangoon or Singapore (Jessica had settled that one - ‘It’s Tokyo - you twits!’). But lately they had been fighting more often and always about the same subject: Money And Why There Was Not Enough Of It. Midge was getting tired of these arguments.
He looked at Jessica, whose green eyes were glinting in a way he knew too well. He was sure she would be a world-famous scientist one day: she was stubborn enough to succeed at anything. But for the moment he wished she would not always rush in.
‘Can’t you just wait and see what happens?’ he asked.
But he was talking to empty air.
