Carrie and Beth are hardworking women with day jobs, but both dream of becoming full-time photographers. Both experience the same issues as they begin pursuing their creative paths: they wonder if their dreams are silly, especially since they have perfectly good careers that pay the bills (even if they’re not the most fulfilling); they’re afraid of wasting their time on an endeavor that may not amount to anything; and they’re unsure how to even get started.
Carrie decides to confront and navigate through her insecurities. She tests the waters and her own skill and resolve, investing more and more of herself into becoming the best photographer she can be and building a business with her expertise. She seeks out mentors and a community, and commits to learning and practicing. Carrie begins proving to herself that she has the ability to figure it out along the way. She falls in love with this endeavor (and, in turn, herself for being such a boss), and one day makes it to a place where she can leave her day job to realize her dream of being a full-time photographer, but much to her surprise she doesn’t find herself in wedding photography, as she thought. She finds herself being a sought-after editorial photographer, getting opportunities she never dreamed of. The experience is exhilarating, fulfilling, and gratifying and totally freaking terrifying at times. She is tested in ways she never expected, but no matter the obstacle—whether inner gremlins or outer foes—she overcomes it, growing more and more confident in herself as she proves she can do hard things. She makes her dream come true and is a better person for it.
Beth, however, lets the questions and insecurities keep her from even beginning her journey. Comfort, even though it may not be as fulfilling, is less scary than taking a leap. What if I make the wrong decisions? What if it gets too hard? What if I can’t do it? I don’t have all the answers. These questions and truths are too much, so she stays in her day job until she retires, doing work she doesn’t love, living and working by someone else’s rules, and never testing her own capacity for success. Whether she accepts her fate or always resents not making the leap is no matter—the truth is that she lets fear and insecurity keep her from trying something new that could have been the most fulfilling endeavor of her life. She never chases her dream.
Beth stays loyal to her day job and career, but is not loyal to her own dreams of becoming a photographer. Carrie, by contrast, embodies our boss mindset: she doesn’t let fear stop her from trying something new, she allows curiosity to fuel her creative adventure, and she doesn’t let any inner or outer critics keep her from pursuing her dreams.
Your dream is your calling. You can choose to answer it or not. Either way, you have to own the outcome. Which outcome do you choose to live with for the rest of your life?
Now just to be clear, we’re never going to tell you to quit your day job or that doing so will get you everything you ever wanted, but we will also never tell you to put your dreams on hold for the sake of what feels secure. Nothing is certain; when someone else is in charge of your paycheck, you can get fired. The company you work for can take a financial hit and your job can get cut. All without seeing it coming. Job security is most often just an illusion, so don’t stake your happiness on it. Stay if it’s fulfilling, not because it feels secure.
Around here, the criteria for a boss mindset is simple: you face your fears, you believe in yourself, and you make decisions. If you do these three things, and do the work, then you are unstoppable. You can set the path that you would be most proud to travel, and make an impact on the world around you.
If you don’t believe in yourself, make decisions, and face your fears, you’re not going to be doing the work you were put here to do. You’ll stay where you are, with what you have, which is all good and fine if you’ve found your success, but we’re guessing you’re here because you know there’s something more out there for you. We’re going to start with helping you cultivate the something more that’s on the inside. The outside will follow.
But we do need to take it one step deeper, because doing all the cool things in all the world still isn’t boss if you’re a Crabby Patty or Negative Nancy who’s just waiting for the world to serve you up what’s “owed” to you on a silver platter or are tearing others down to build yourself up. In addition to being a confident decision-maker, a boss also believes there’s enough room (and work) for everyone, that a rising tide lifts all boats, and that doing good is better than making a buck or proving your point, which is where our definition of “boss” begins to steer clear of the mobsters and managers who give “boss” a bad rap. Our kind of boss chooses positivity over negativity (that’s at the core of not letting fear and feeling like an imposter rule your decisions) and lives and works in a way that encourages others to do the same.
In this chapter, we’re diving into a few dark places every creative explores, and serving up the boss mindset alternatives that will help you reshape your point of view to serve your best interests, which are success, fulfillment, and happiness. We’ll explore facing your inner critic (which we call “fraudy feelings”) and the fear of failure, which are negative mindsets that we all face. The trick is to not let them rule your attitude or behaviors. We’ll counter those unproductive mindsets with their archnemeses: confidence and courage. We’ll wrap up with some insights into how these mindset shifts will serve your greater purpose, along with some practices that we use to help us be boss, because it doesn’t always come naturally.
The core of the boss mindset is your values and your intentions. Your values are the guiding principles that direct you through life, helping you prioritize what’s important to you and stay true to who you are. Your intentions are the purpose that you give to your actions, helping you infuse every move you make with meaning. When your values and intentions are aligned, your work and life will feel efficient, effective, and meaningful. Sounds pretty nice, right? Let’s dig in.
Values are the personal truths and principles you hold most near and dear—they’re the things you would be willing to go to battle for. What you value often motivates the “why” behind the decisions you make and the actions you take. For example, if you value courage, then you might regularly do things that scare you. If you value authenticity, then you might have no patience for small talk or regularly question how things have always been done. If you value security, then you might like having a route mapped out and an itinerary in place before setting out on a trip. The best part of identifying, understanding, and practicing your values is becoming more at home with who you are. When you are unclear on what matters the most to you, you might find yourself feeling apologetic, scattered, and vulnerable to other people defining who you are and what you like or don’t like.