There’s a lot of chatter out there about finding your purpose and chasing your passion—and trying to find the meaning of life while you’re there, amiright? Spoiler alert: there is no universal truth that gives all of our lives the same meaning. Joseph Campbell says it best:
Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer.
—JOSEPH CAMPBELL
Drop the mic, right? Bringing meaning to your life’s purpose is a tall order.
Tammy Faulds is an amazing life coach who always lends solid perspective when it comes to defining, prioritizing, and living your values—and doing so gets us closer to answering the question, “What is the meaning of my life?”
BEING BOSS: First off, how do you define values?
TAMMY FAULDS: I use values and strengths to help clients get unstuck. The example I use is that strengths are in your DNA; these are what you’re naturally good at (and are often talents we take for granted). Values are based on choice and help to “steer your ship” through life. For example, my strength of empathy allows me to connect with people on a deep personal level, but my value of balance ensures and reminds me to pull away after a coaching session so that I don’t bring their story home with me.
BB: Why is it important for a creative to prioritize values (over, let’s say, making a buck) when it comes to making decisions in work and life?
TF: To put it simply, your values are the GPS of your life. In decision-making moments you can lean on your values to help guide your behavior and choices. For example, when I’m triggered or pissed off and can’t put my finger on why, I will pull up my core values list—which I keep on my phone—and evaluate the situation or person that’s causing tension against my list of core values. This allows me to take a breath, pull out of the situation, and quickly hone in on what is out of alignment. Then I can decide on my best course of action. These check-ins work for these smaller (sometimes daily!) occurrences as well as bigger picture situations, such as leaving a job or a relationship. And note that when life is going well and humming along, it’s likely because you’re living in accordance with your values. Think of your core values as a constant in your life, which is a nice thing to have in this ever-changing world!
Being imperfectly human, we’re going to stray from our values from time to time. When you need to make a decision like paying the bills versus practicing your values, ask yourself what potential challenges you face if you don’t align with your values in this situation. If security is a value, then that might outweigh the headaches that come from working with a particularly difficult client. If authenticity is a value, then perhaps it’s not worth it and you can lean on your value of trust in that something even better will come along by saying no to this one. But if you do decide that paying the bills is more important, then you can use your other values to set some healthy boundaries in the contract.
BB: What if a value feels more aspirational and not entirely true to who I am? How should I handle that?
TF: Be true to YOU. Aspirations are just that… aspirational. They’re not necessarily true to who you are or to what has shaped your life. If you’re struggling, ask yourself WHY you aspire to that value? Is it because it’s how you want to be perceived by others? Or maybe it’s how you perceive someone else to be and you want to be more like them. Or perhaps society at large tends to value it, so you think you should too. I’ve had clients say that they wish they could be more patient, but imagine a world filled with ONLY patient people… nothing would get done! So if you’re more of a fiery person, honor that, embrace it, and use it to your advantage, because it’s who you are and it’s what lights you up!
BB: On the flip side, what if I value something (like money, fame, or power) that embarrasses me or makes me feel guilty?
TF: I find people sometimes slip into labeling values as “good” or “bad.” I had a client struggle with recognition. She thought “doing good work” should be all the recognition anyone would need. But when she’s not feeling recognized at work, then she feels bad about herself and wonders why she bothers putting the effort in. However, after getting in tune with this core value of hers, she was able to communicate to her boss that she really values recognition and would appreciate the feedback from him. And guess what—she got it and felt great!
I really struggled with rest being a core value of mine. I thought it sounded selfish, childish, indulgent, embarrassing—and it made me feel guilty. But the more I thought about it, I realized it’s really who I am. I come from a family of nappers and I’ve always felt amazing after a “half hour of power.” But as a busy event planner, I wore the “I worked 30 hours straight at that event!” as a badge of honor, proof of dedication, perseverance, and a “winning” attitude. It took me getting sick, really sick, for me to honor this core value of rest and make some healthier choices. The changes were small at first—asking for help—then morphed into bigger changes like when I left the industry completely. Not surprisingly, the pre-cancerous cells that my doctor was monitoring “magically” disappeared after I prioritized rest in my life.
Just like emotions aren’t “good” or “bad,” I personally don’t think values are good or bad. The meaning we give to them and the stories we tell ourselves about what we value are where the judgment comes in. At Being Boss, you’ve referenced how people feel about money [for example, “Money Mindset,” episode 94 of the Being Boss podcast] in the same way—many people hate it, or feel bad for wanting more of it, and so on, but it’s all in how you frame it. We can see money as evil or as freedom. It’s all about perspective and what it means to YOU.
BB: How do your values help you make better decisions?
TF: Learning about my values allows me to make decisions with greater conviction. One of the bigger (and scarier) decisions I made was to leave a job I mostly enjoyed, but I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling stuck. When I looked at my values compared to the company’s values, the alignment simply wasn’t there. This clarity allowed me to see that in order to find the fulfillment I was seeking, I would need to leave, and so I did. It wasn’t easy, but knowing this truth made the decision easier. That’s the brilliance of being in touch with this GPS of yours—you can tap into it whenever you need, and move through life with greater ease and confidence in all your work and life decisions.
BB: How do you integrate future visioning and your values when it comes to long-term planning?
TF: On the road of life, you—you gorgeous human being—are the car, your strengths are the engine, your values are the steering wheel, and your vision is your destination. You wouldn’t plan an epic trip without knowing where you’re headed, right?
To expand on my previous example, this was precisely how I made the leap from a comfy corporate job to something I never thought I’d do—entrepreneurship. I knew my values and I knew that in order to feel whole and complete I needed to align myself with those values in my life and in my work. That sounded great, but I was still floundering. What kind of job aligned all those values and strengths? I had no idea, until I started to analyze the common themes and came across “coaching,” along with “leadership” and “teaching.” I didn’t know coaching existed in 2008 (it was still a buzzword at that point), but I was definitely intrigued. The more I researched becoming a life coach the more I realized this was my vision: an independent lifestyle conducted solely from a laptop that helped people live more fulfilling lives by having deeply transformative conversations. BOOM! Connection. That vision, born from researching my values and strengths, lit me up like nothing else. Once the vision was clear, all I needed to do was map out the path to get there. And honestly, that vision of me working from a beach house is what keeps me going in my darkest hours.