Bosses are:

image DREAM CHASERS

image ADVENTURE SEEKERS

image HARD WORKERS

image CURIOUS

image LIFELONG LEARNERS

image WILLING TO BE WRONG

image HUMBLE

image UNAFRAID OF CHANGE

How does your negativity show up?

Being boss is about having a positive, confident mindset. But before we can talk about cultivating the good stuff, we must address what a not-so-positive mindset looks like. Sometimes a negative attitude shows up in sneaky ways. When these symptoms surface, you can be sure that at the root of it you’ve been hijacked by your own insecurities, fears, and negative thinking:

image BEING CONSISTENTLY LATE TO MEETINGS

image FORGETTING IMPORTANT INFORMATION

image NOT FOCUSING ON ONE TASK AT A TIME

image PLAYING THE VICTIM—EVERYTHING FEELS PERSONAL

image PLAYING THE BLAME GAME

image SHOWING IRRITABILITY AND IMPATIENCE WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY

image ASSUMING THE WORST

image FEELING UNLUCKY

image FEELING THAT YOU’RE ALREADY TOO LUCKY TO WORK FOR ANYTHING MORE

image POKING AT LOVE HANDLES AND SCRUTINIZING PORES

image GETTING SICK ALL THE TIME

image PICKING FIGHTS

HOW DOES YOUR NEGATIVITY SHOW UP ON THE SLY?

FRAUDY FEELINGS

“So what do you do?”

This seemingly innocent question comes with a lot of baggage for those of us who are creative.

“Oh, I work as an administrative assistant, but I paint on the side.”

“I am a designer, but I kind of write and sometimes take photos.”

“I am too embarrassed to call myself a business coach, but I help creatives set up shop and believe in themselves.”

The jobs we want come with big shoes, and to even begin to step into those big ol’ shoes, much less our own power, brings on a shit-ton of fear and imposter syndrome. It’s what we here at Being Boss call “fraudy feelings.” Yes, sometimes we make up words and phrases like “fraudy feelings” because nothing else can entirely articulate that queasiness we get in the pit of our stomachs, the weight on our chests, the tightening in our shoulders, the knot in our throats, or the buzz in our heads when we have a vision that feels so much bigger and grander than our little selves.

If we were to say, “I’m an artist” or “I’m a creative director” or “I’m a business consultant” instead of beating around the bush or diminishing what we do with self-deprecation or deflection, we might get called out. If it’s not our friend’s friend, a spouse’s colleague, or a distant aunt responding with a “And you make money doing that?” or “Oh. Huh,” then it’s your own inner critic rolling its eyes and saying, “You wish.”

Sound familiar? That’s because everyone suffers from fraudy feelings. Even the most successful creatives we’ve interviewed face big and little fears on the daily. The creatives you look up to freak out too—the only difference is they know how to go to battle. They know how to face their fear, see what it is, and cultivate the courage it takes to keep showing up and doing the work.

You might not know that you’re experiencing fraudy feelings or imposter syndrome. Sometimes negative self-talk disguises itself as questions and comments from your own inner critic that pretend to be useful but are actually bringing you down:

• Do you have what it takes?

• Why can’t you be more like her?

• What will everybody think?

• You’re lucky you even have a roof over your head. How dare you want to make a living doing that?

• If it’s not perfect, then why bother? It better be all or nothing.

• You’re too old (to learn how to dance; to pick up a paintbrush; to pursue a new career).

• You’re too young (to be seen as credible or to call yourself an expert).

• You sound like a used car salesman.

• Who do you think you are?

• There’s not enough room for everyone.

• Plus, so-and-so is already doing it so much better.

DO ANY OF THESE RESONATE? HOW DO FRAUDY FEELINGS SHOW UP IN YOUR WORK AND LIFE?

CULTIVATING CONFIDENCE

Fear, insecurity, and self-doubt come with owning who you are, living and working your values, and being your own boss. Part of your job description is getting in regular staring contests with uncertainty—and you’re not going to win every time. But here’s the deal: when you sign up to be boss you sign up for all the scary stuff that comes with it. We have all lain awake at night wondering what we’re doing, and we’ve all cried into our pillows wondering when it’s going to get easier. You find success when you stop letting fear and bad vibes get you down. Those who are truly boss rise above, and in the face of their weaknesses and cracks in their self-esteem, they grab ahold of their confidence.

It can be tricky to define confidence; we want to be clear on what it’s not. Confidence is not bending your own values or behavior to make other people happy. It’s not about placing blame or playing the victim when things don’t go your way, throwing a hissy fit, or always having to have the last word. In other words, being confident isn’t the same thing as being an egotistical asshole. We’re going to trust that you know the difference.

Confidence is standing in your truth and claiming your right to take up space and be happy even when your circumstances or feelings are a little shaky. Confidence is owning who you are and what you value, without apology. It’s taking responsibility for your victories and mistakes alike. It’s trusting yourself to figure out what’s next, and having your own back along the way.

Cultivating confidence doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a hero’s journey with lots of roadblocks that will test you along the way. But as long as you stay focused and determined, you’ll begin to trust your strengths, work around your weaknesses, and keep your eye on the prize. You’ll be able to take the next steps to get where you want to go even when you can’t see what’s around the bend. Confidence isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.

Confidence is a muscle. Just like we can develop strength, we can develop confidence.

—CHALENE JOHNSON, BEING BOSS, EPISODE 20