Candle concentration

Kathleen here. Before I jumped into meditation I spent a few weeks developing my ability to concentrate and still my mind with this simple exercise in which I focus on a candle flame. To this day, if I find myself feeling particularly scattered or unable to focus during the day, I’ll come back to this exercise to hone my ability to concentrate.

1. You’ll need:

• a piece of paper,

• a pen or pencil,

• a timer, and

• a candle.

2. You’ll want to sit at a table in a well-lit room. Make sure there aren’t any drafts or open windows.

3. Get situated at the table, with the candle at least two feet in front of you. Light the candle and set your timer to ten minutes.

4. Now focus on the candle flame. When a thought pops into your head, make a mark on the piece of paper. Try not to take your eyes off the flame! And try to avoid moving any part of your body except to make the mark on your piece of paper.

5. Once a thought pops into your mind, gently let it pass, calm your mind, and keep going. You’ll start out with lots of marks—maybe even hundreds! But the more you practice this exercise, the more you’ll be able to focus on becoming one with the flame.

After doing this exercise regularly, I found that I was becoming even more aware of my thoughts throughout the day. I was surprised to find how often I was having negative or judgmental thoughts. I had no idea my inner dialogue was so full of complaints! This concentration exercise taught me not only to become aware of my thoughts, even the more subtle ones, but also that I have control over my thoughts. I started replacing negativity with optimism and kindness.

CREATE THE FEELING NOW

Anytime you are impatient for your next big dream to come true, try to experience the feeling of achieving the goal now. We could get a little woo-woo here and talk about how what you’re seeking also seeks you, or how when you’re vibrating at the frequency of the goals you want they’ll find their way to you like a magnet—and we do believe those things to be true—but practically speaking, when you can create the feeling of achieving the success you want right now, you’ll be much happier and confident in the process. Cultivating the feelings you think you’ll have when you achieve your goal will shift how you behave in attaining those goals—making them come true with more swiftness and ease.

For example, let’s say your goal is to launch an online course that makes you $100,000 in passive income every single year. Take a minute to close your eyes and imagine that you’re already there. How will it feel to wake up in the morning to money pouring into your bank account? How will you behave? What will your conversations be like? Will it change your posture? When you reach this money goal, will it affect what opportunities you say “yes” to? Will you pitch yourself moving forward with confidence and clout? The idea is to get very, very clear on the details of how reaching your goal will make you feel and to begin mustering up those emotions and behaving like the boss you are in the here and now.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE

The truth is, you already have everything you need—self-love, creative expression, and confidence—and if you commit to practicing gratitude, you’ll see that. There’s no better way to cultivate positivity in your life than by paying attention to the positivity that’s already there. Whether you wish to practice gratitude through daily prayers or meditation or by keeping a gratitude journal, focus more intently on the good in your life by making time to be grateful for what you have every single day.

TRY THIS: WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR EVERY DAY. Keep a piece of paper or a stack of Post-it notes on your refrigerator or at your desk—a place where you won’t forget about it. Before you begin your day (with your glass of OJ or before opening your inbox), write down three things you’re grateful for. It can be anything, including your house, your friends, the cilantro on last night’s tacos, or even a full night’s sleep. Write them down in a simple list, and continue your day with your eyes open for what you can write down the next day.

Take a breath

Every year we go on a Being Boss vacation and invite seventy-five of our podcast listeners to come along. And every year we make sure to have our yogi friend Tisha Tate on hand. Her breath-work exercises not only bring us back to center but are the ultimate hangover cure when we’ve celebrated a bit too hard the night before. We wanted to be sure to share some of her wisdom and breathing tools with you too.

BEING BOSS: Hey, Tisha! You’re one of those bosses who always seems to remain positive. What’s your number one tactic for staying focused on the good stuff?

TISHA TATE: Take a deep breath. No, I’m not kidding—take a breath—right now. We sometimes hear those words as a tactic when a parent wants you to slow down or maybe during the course of an argument. But what does it mean to focus on your breath? Innately, it is both a voluntary and involuntary bodily function. But when you tune into the powerful tool you have right under your nose, you might be surprised by the benefits you experience.

Most researchers agree the average person takes between 20,000 and 30,000 breaths each day. Some yogic texts say we are born with an exact and immutable [number] of breaths for our lifetime. If true, then the longer each breath, the more time we get to hang out in this life experience. But if our journey is regularly plagued with stress, tension, and anxiety, we are not reveling in the pure joy and happiness that are available to each one of us.

Breath is the most immediate tool to move out of the sympathetic nervous system’s fight-or-flight mode, which takes a huge toll on our bodies if we find ourselves remaining there for any length of time. The parasympathetic nervous system’s “rest and digest” mode is the way to healing, balance, and general positivity. One conscious, focused breath can be the path to make the leap to the latter, where stress, tension, and anxiety are a distant memory.

BB: Breathing seems easy enough! Is there a specific kind of breathing exercise we can try to really bring ourselves back to the high-vibing boss we want to be?

TT: Let’s try something now called a “square” or “box” breath. Before we begin, take inventory of how you feel in this moment. Where are you tight or holding? What’s happening with your thoughts? Notice your breath. Now exhale deeply. Through your nose, inhale for a count of four. Hold that in-breath for a count of four. Again, through your nose, exhale for a count of four. When you get to the bottom of the exhale, hold without sipping any new air in for a count of four. Do that again at least two more times. I’ll wait patiently.

Once again, take note of how you feel. What shifted? Is it even noticeable? The power of taking control of your breath leads to, without fail, numerous benefits such as heart rate decreasing, digestive enzymes being released, muscles relaxing, and many benefits beyond the physical. When our energy shifts and negative vibrations are replaced with ones of equanimity, our lives will spontaneously and without explanation be undergirded by peace and harmony, even when the wild winds of change appear. A deep knowing that “this too shall pass” without any weathering or scarring in your soul happens by simply and meaningfully tuning into your breath as often as you can.

Tisha Tate is a speaker and teacher who helps people slow down, let go, and come home to themselves through breath, movement, and inspiration. You can learn more about Tisha at www.tishatate.com.

HERE IS OUR PERSONAL READING LIST OF NO-BULLSHIT RESOURCES FOR A POSITIVE MINDSET:

FINDING YOUR OWN NORTH STAR BY MARTHA BECK

GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION AND DARING GREATLY BY BRENÉ BROWN

BIG MAGIC BY ELIZABETH GILBERT

ESSENTIALISM BY GREG MCKEOWN

THE HAPPINESS ADVANTAGE BY SHAWN ACHOR

SELF COACHING 101 BY BROOKE CASTILLO

PLAYING BIG BY TARA MOHR

10% HAPPIER BY DAN HARRIS

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS BY DON MIGUEL RUIZ

LEAN INSIDE BY JAY PRYOR