Emily here. We encourage you to create “white space” on your calendar, and for quite some time I have blocked off a single day in my week that no one can touch. This day is traditionally Thursday, and there are no meetings, no deadlines, nothing. It’s a full day of white space that usually ends up being wildly productive, wonderfully rejuvenating, or somewhere in between, because I leave it open to accomplish whatever I need. Sometimes what I need to accomplish is a nap. Other times it’s grocery shopping or catching up on some work. There have been Thursdays that included impromptu trips to the aquarium with my family, or a whole day in which I could dive into a creative passion project. Whatever I find myself doing during this time, it gives my brain space to be free, to wander wherever it will—allowing it to be playful. This white space creates a reliable boundary that gives me one day a week when my life and work have space to grow wild and free. I’ve found this space essential for my ongoing happiness in the job I’ve created for myself (a whole day of ultimate flexibility each week!) and also very important for my creative process. This day gives me a chance to live, which really helps me create.
As boundaries begin eliminating energy drains and creating more space for the activities that energize you, they will also define how you make decisions and take action, enabling you to use your time, money, and energy efficiently so that you take on only the opportunities, tasks, and relationships that align with what’s important to you. When something aligns with your boundaries, it’s an easy “yes.” If it doesn’t align with your boundaries, it’s a “no.” Your boundaries are the first layer of defense that safeguards your resources, giving you a structure for letting things into your life and also making decision-making significantly easier to tackle.
For example, let’s say you get asked to join a board of a well-respected club or association in your field. You know it would look great on your résumé, be good for your reputation, and help you connect with your industry peers. The problem is that this opportunity requires regular meetings after the work hours you’ve set, cutting into time you’ve reserved for your family. Establishing exactly when you work and when you’re available for your family makes it easier to say “no” to an opportunity that feels like it should be a “yes.” This kind of decision can be one that produces a lot of anxiety, but it’s easy to say “no” when you’re clear on what you really, truly want. In this instance, saying “no” is easy because you know you’re reserving your valuable time for what matters most to you. (Or maybe a redefining of your boundaries allows you to say, “yes!” Either way, look at the situation through the lens of your values to help you make the right decision.)
Now, you will still have to do things you don’t want to do. For example, you might hate invoicing or keeping track of your books—but to be a responsible boss, you know you gotta do it. Try shifting your mindset to see how the task of bookkeeping supports your values and the higher goal you’re trying to achieve. When you can see the big picture, it makes the daily tasks that much more meaningful and—dare we say—tolerable. When you can check off your to-do list without resenting the tasks at hand, you know you’ve got some good boundaries in place.
Using your values to define your boundaries gives you the reasons you need to choose what you want, feel confident in those reasons, and let go of what doesn’t truly serve you without apology. Let your value-based boundaries guide your decisions, and you’ll never have a reason to regret your choices.
Defining our boundaries can be physical as well as mental—we can also create literal boundaries in our work and life. Anyone who works from home knows the importance that boundaries play in getting in the zone and shutting it off at the end of the day, which is done by establishing a defined office or work area in our homes. Actions such as engaging our sense of smell by lighting a candle when it is time to work and blowing it out when the day is complete, closing the laptop and shutting the door to our home office at the end of the day, and turning the phone off (or at the very least shutting down notifications) on the weekends are just a few ways we create physical boundaries to establish a work-life balance.
We’ve all worried about not having enough time, energy, and money to do what we want to do. But here’s some truth: worry is a form of procrastination and an excuse for not doing the work you need to do to protect what you have. With solid boundaries you’ll find there’s actually an abundance of everything you need to accomplish your goals.
Creating rules that make taking action and making decisions easy enforces and supports your boundaries. For example, if you create a boundary around your Saturday family time, then establishing the rule of “I will not check my email on the weekends” will support you in keeping that family time sacred.