Book 4 – Finding Forever

By Melisa Hamling

Finding Forever

Melisa Hamling

Cover design by: Coragraphics

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Interior Design by Angela McLaurin, Fictional Formats

The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Hamling, Melisa

Finding Forever / by Melisa Hamling

p. cm

Summary: A woman has to ask herself if the man she loves and the life she adores is real, or nothing more than a psychological retreat.

ISBN-13: 978-1490305226

ISBN-10: 149030522X

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To anyone who has ever dreamed of a better world,

a happily ever after, this is for you.

There is a place I know of, a place where every part of me

longs to be. You’re there waiting for me and when we meet,

I know our lives will never be the same. I know I’d fly over a mountain, walk through a forest in my bare feet, and do it

a million times over if every time it brings me back to you.

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That first time, when he presses his lips against mine and kisses the words ‘I Love You’ right down into the very heart of my soul, that’s when I knew we were about to be ripped apart.

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TEARS TUMBLE DOWN MY CHEEKS AS I watch Ben sleep. My heart aches knowing this might be the last kiss I give him as I lean over and press my lips against his forehead. “I love you, Ben. We’ll find each other. Never give up. It won’t be long—I promise,” I whisper, uncertain of my own promise.

He tosses, turns, curls up next to me, and traces my lips with his thumb. “What’s wrong...? Why are you crying?”

“It’s... it’s time. They’re pulling me out of here. The... the other people. I don’t want to go.” I sob and exhale heavily. “I can’t be without you. I-I just can’t. I’ll die if I go back! I can’t live without...”

“Shh.” He rises to his knees, bringing me up with him, and moves forward, lips almost touching mine. “You have to get control of yourself. You have to be positive for both of us. How will anything we’ve talked about ever work if you can’t control your emotions?”

He speaks soft but stern before his breathing turns ragged. “I’m not trying to be harsh, but I love you and I need to know you can do this.”

Inhaling his scent drives a passionate urge deep within me and in this moment, he sweeps me into the sweet bliss of a deep kiss. His touch is like no other, lifting the darkness, soothing my soul, he makes me feel whole, complete, and... I have to get a grip on my emotions. I need to be strong for both of us.

“You’re my life, too, and I’ll hold you right here.” He places his hand over his heart; his head falls against my shoulder and he nuzzles my neck. Wrapping my arms around him, I squeeze and clench his shirt, entwine it between my fingers. I only wish this would be enough to pull him through with me.

“Remember what I said.” He raises his head, his blue eyes hopeful underneath the disheveled mess of blond hair. “Focus on details, even the smallest ones. More importantly, mark a path and make sure you’re—”

A chill sweeps over me like icy fingers clawing at the back of my neck. “Ben? Oh, God! Ben. Ben! I can’t hear yyyooouuuu.” The words echo and I know this is it, the end of it all.

“B-Beh—” I cry again, but the strength of the pull feels like a weighted ball crashing against my chest, shoving me backward.

A high-pitched wail pours into the very core of my heart. Ben! I see tears spill down his cheeks as he dives toward me. I think he reaches me, but he falls right through me, as if I were a mere shadow—visible but transparent, and then he disappears.

Please, oh please, God, bring us back together. I can’t live without him.

Green, red, black, purple and white colors flash before my eyes. Vibrating sounds buzz in my ears. My head thunders with explosions of pain. Each breath I take burns. I cough and retch with each force of the tug in my throat, poofs of air drawing upward with each wrench. I try to grab at it, but warm, callous fingers press against my cold hands.

My eyelids flutter and I wake to a blinding light. “Ben? Ben, where are you?” I choke on the words. I search with my hands and pat frantically at the shadow standing next to me. I gulp hard at the deep burn of raw pain crowding at the back of my throat.

“Hey, hey, calm down, Morgan. It’s me, James. You’ve had a bad accident. Do you remember anything?”

The silhouette of a man with dark wavy hair leans over me. I blink several times before I notice his big, brown eyes staring at me. James? The name forms around my lips but I can’t say it.

Where’s Ben... Danny... the mansion. Where are they? Hot tears trickle down my cheeks.

The lines in James’ forehead deepen and his brows furrow. His eyes droop as if he’s sad.

Do I know him?

I cry relentlessly. “Ben! Danny. Everybody. The mansion. Where are they?”

“You were in a coma, Morgan. Maybe you were dreaming of people, but there’s no Ben or Danny... and no mansion. You don’t know anyone with those names. Maybe you were dreaming? I’m sorry, but this is me, James. Remember me, your boyfriend?” He shoots me a hopeful smile.

“You?” I whisper. “You can’t be my boyfriend.”

I stare at him as he tucks his hands into the front pockets of his faded jeans, shaking his head and lowering it. Without another word, he turns and walks away.

Who does he think he is, passing himself off as my boyfriend. Ha. Tall, dark wavy hair, copper eyes—he must be Italian. But to say he’s my boyfriend? No, no. I have a boyfriend.

Ben? I need you.

I let my head sink back into the pillow and examine the tubes and wires connecting to my arms, head and chest. Monitors beep and there’s the drip, drip, drip of the I.V. White walls, bright lights, medical equipment—I’m in the one place I hate, the hospital. I close my eyes wishing it all away.

Waking with a start, I glance around the room for any unwanted visitors. A dozen balloons float near the window and there are flowers with cards tucked into their forks. Thoughtful, but unnecessary.

As I continue to scan the area, I see something familiar. My iTouch! And a crumpled hospital bag most likely containing my clothes.

Without permission or knowing whether I can stand on my own two feet, I slide off the bed and grip the railing. Hmm. I’m steady

enough and challenge myself by grasping the I.V. pole, and take a step forward. After a few more steps, I snatch the bag and my iTouch.

Safely back in bed, I examine the iTouch. It’s covered in pink goo. I poke my head in the hospital bag and then dump the contents on my lap. The tattered dress has a thick layer of pink goo on it, too.

What does this mean? What. Does. This. Mean!

Frustration sets in. I close my eyes, and rub my pink gooey hands against my temples, and then...

CRASH!

BOOM!

BAM!

Explosions erupt in my head like a volcano... liquid oozing from it, flowing through my brain with bits and pieces of information.

There was lightning.

And thunder.

And!

And, something eerie.

Like a twilight zone.

I recall the voices.

The creepy voices that whisper-shouted my name. “Moooooorrrrrrgaaaannnn!”

Oh, god! I’m there and I don’t know where ‘there’ is.

Where am I, where am I!

My pulse pounds against my ears and my head is spinning.

Splattering, splattering, splattering!

I see myself.

I’m splattering at the bottom!

“No, no, no,” I say breathlessly as I slowly open my eyes... and scream.

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In my reveries you’re here, and I see you, I think I fear you. And yet, you’re nothing but a dream.

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One month earlier...

SIXTH SENSE: AN EXTRASENSORY PERCEPTION. ESP, clairvoyant, telepathic, or psychic by definition. The other five methods of senses: hearing, sight, smell, sound, and taste.–Wikipedia.

I’m working on my own hypothesis of the sixth sense. According to scientific belief, the sixth sense is the ability of the mind to move into the unknown. Things not yet explored. A part of the brain in which science has yet to unlock, or so they say.

Nevertheless, I believe it’s something deeper—an innermost connection between the body and soul. I’m not sure if I believe that clairvoyance, telepathy and psychic ability come from a sixth sense. However, I do believe each is associated with some other entity.

I cup my head in my hands and attempt to ward off another angry assault of the horrible voices and the headache that comes with them. It all started around the same time I began my research project on senses.

A rap, tap, tap on the door cancels out the static of voices whirring in my head, but the headache remains.

“Oh, man. Not another one of those headaches? Morgan?”

I nod.

“Tell me, again, how long has this been going on?” Cory, one of my colleagues, a neuroscience major and a friend of my iffy boyfriend, James, asks.

Still pressing my palms against my throbbing temples, I raise my head slowly and blink several times against the nuisance of bright lights. “No worries, Cory, just a tension headache.”

“Liar. You’ve said that for the last six weeks. Are you still experiencing the static with each of those ‘tension’ headaches?” He draws out the word tension.

No, Cory, just some voices and pain. Okay?

Cory tilts his head. “Masters?” He has a habit of calling me by my last name, and I address him the same way.

“Busfield?” I already know what he’s about to say.

“You need to have that MRI...” He arches a single brow. “And don’t give me that oh-so-innocent look. You know damn well if there’s a tumor, the odds are better the earlier it’s discovered.”

“It’s not a tumor. I’d know.” I entwine my fingers and play thumb wars with my hands, hoping he’ll drop the subject.

“I ought to tell James. Maybe he’ll talk some sense into you.”

I glance at him and give him my best scowl. “Ha. James is a real talker... sometimes a real sweet one at inappropriate times.” Oh, and did you know, Cory, that he often reeks of sweet and sour? That nasty smelling perfume he claims to be his mother’s? And he thinks I believe him. Psh. Idiot.

Cory drops his arm from the metal doorframe and marches forward. He slides a chair over and sits beside me.

I shake my head.

He places his hands on top of mine, ending my thumb war. His green eyes are set under thick, dark brows that match the color of his hair, and he’s casting his ‘guilty’ verdict at me.

“Look, just because I talk to James, doesn’t mean I tell him everything. He’s somewhat of a distant friend, an acquaintance.” He pauses to clear his throat. “Can I ask you why you stay with him?”

“Do I really have to answer?”

In a barely audible voice, he says, “No. But I don’t get why you stay with him.”

“Need I remind you how James reacted the last time I broke it off with him? He followed me everywhere, begging and pleading until I finally caved.” I slide my hands out from under his.

Speak of the devil and the devil comes calling. Damn.

“Knock, knock.”

I glare at James. His arms are folded across his chest and his brows are furrowed, his lips in a tight, straight line. He’s obviously pissed.

There is a long uncomfortable silence.

He steps into my office. “Well, well. What do we have here?” He nods at Cory.

“Hey, buddy. What’s up?” Cory plays all cool and casual as he drums his fingers on the heavy oak desk.

“Just stopping by to see my girl.” James throws an accusatory glare my way, at Cory, and then back at me.

I give him my best evil stare, and I can’t help calling him out in front of Cory. “You’re the untrusted one here.”

Ten shades redder, fingers curled tight into his palms, James grits his teeth. “Why do you always kid around, Morgan? It’s really not amusing.”

“Why do you always appear unannounced? Why do you BS your way out of the truth? Why—”

Cory slips out of his seat. “My break is over.” He nods. “James. Good to see you.”

“Yeah, sure,” James grumbles.

As Cory exits, he stops and glances over his shoulder at me. “You really ought to do something about that little issue, Morgan,” he says and winks before he disappears in the hall.

Nice. Thanks, Cory. You’re a real hero. I’ll be sure to pay you back!

I turn toward James. His arms are still folded across his chest.

“Shut up before you say something foolish,” I say.

“Don’t speak to me in that tone, if you care to continue this relationship.” His lips knit together in a tight line.

“Get out. Just get out because I,” I pat my chest, “I don't care what you do. Go find your stupid little whore for all I care. Just get the hell—”

James pounds both fists on my desk as he leans toward me. “Stupid little whore? Why, I’m standing in front of her now,” he shouts and spit flies from his mouth.

I scoot forward, closer to him, and I really want to laugh. His statement has no backbone and mirrors his own behavior. “If I were a whore, I would have slept with you by now.”

He lifts his hands and rakes his fingers through his hair. I think he’s taken aback by my rebuttal. Good.

James shakes his head as he often does. “Unbelievable. Maybe you should expound on Cory’s last statement. You know, your ‘little issue?’ And what little issue do you need to take care of? Are you sleeping with him? Is that why you’re on the defense, why you won’t sleep with me?”

I offer no explanation. He can stew over the answer. I push back, stand, and walk toward the door. Waving my hand in the direction of the hallway, I say, “Get. Out.”

“We’re done! Through. Over!” He bangs his shoulder against mine as he storms out of my office. Of course, he can’t leave without getting in a few more digs. He points a finger and his eyes have little red devils dancing in them. “You’ll regret this!”

I round on my heels, and before shutting and locking the door, I say, “I seriously doubt it.”

James and I... well, we’re like an inferno to a deluge. Totally incompatible.

By the time I get home, I feel another headache coming on. I pop a couple of Advil and drop on the couch. Thirty minutes later the headache is worse. The knifing pain strengthens and there’s an aura of shadows dancing down long, dark halls in some motel. I squeeze my eyes tighter, harder, as if I can force the images to dissolve.

I stumble down the hall into my parents’ room and crash on their bed. Why weren’t they here? Mom would take the pain away. She always did. I know they passed away, but I’ll never stop wanting them.

I clutch the pillow and rumple the sheets. Morgan Masters, you have to pull yourself together. I can’t lie in here. I need to get up and get ready. My friends want to celebrate Jen’s promotion, and I have to go to prove how normal and proud I am for her accomplishment. I head toward the bathroom to get ready.

A neon-blue martini glass flashes in the background just beyond the entrance of the bar.

“I.D.” The dark-haired bouncer holds out his hand.

I slip my driver’s license into his open palm and glance up to discover he isn’t looking at my I.D. His blue eyes are fixed on my cleavage.

He drops his hand on the counter, arches an eyebrow, and puckers his lips.

The snorting giggles of my friends, Amy and Layne, erupt from behind. Out of the three, Jen’s silent. She isn’t the flirtatious type and by the sultry look on her face, she finds no humor in his actions either.

Maybe his behavior won him one-night-stands, but not this time. I view his activity with unconcealed disgust. Mischief gleams in his eyes as I attempt to retrieve my I.D. His hand clasps over mine. I shake it free, retrieving my license in the process.

A smile stretches across his lips. “Wait! I didn’t get a good look.”

“At what? My tits or my license?”

“Neither.”

“Too bad.”

“Ah, a real spitfire. My kind of girl.” He winks.

“Jerk.” I flip my hair over my shoulders, raise my head, and march forward.

Words continue to spew from his lips.

Unfortunately, I have to turn back to locate my friends.

The imprudent little prick licks his lips and blows me a kiss.

My middle finger greets his advances.

He thrusts his pelvis and pumps it several times.

I turn away in total revulsion.

Layne grabs my shoulder. “Morgan Masters! What’s wrong with you? He’s the hottest guy here and a bouncer at that.” She grins. “He wants you!” She speaks as if he’s some kind of prize to be won.

Sigh.

“He’s all yours, Layne. Go get him, Tiger! He’s not my kind of guy—go work your magic. Just tell him I’m a lesbo.”

I love men, but not overconfident jerks, like James.

“Well, who is your type?”

I answer with a shoulder shrug.

“You’ll die an old maid, Morgan. You’re too picky and you’ll never find a Romeo riding in on a white horse.”

I grin. “I didn’t know Romeo rode a white horse.”

“Exactly. He doesn’t. You’re waiting for someone who doesn’t exist—not in this world. You know,” Layne huffs. “We all know James is Mister Wrong, but you’re going to turn into an old, dried up prune waiting for Mister Right.”

“Humph. I’d rather die an old prune than a sour puss... if you catch my drift.” I nudge her.

Layne chuckles.

“There’s nothing funny about it. I find it repulsive. That no good shriveled up worm.”

She goes into a fit of laughter. “Oh, Morgan. You really do crack me up!”

“Dang, girl. Them jeans. Nice, tight squee—” Jerkoff number...

“Eddie!” I turn around and let my crazy, redheaded, green-eyed friend drag me into a tight embrace. And when I say tight, I mean I can’t breathe tight. “You come here often?”

He releases me and when he smiles, his gums and big, white teeth are all I see. “Nah,” he says. “I’ve just got Morgan radar and know when I’ll need to rescue you. Wanna dance?”

“Nooo—” And just like that, Eddie yanks me forward and hauls me out on the dance floor.

“Too bad,” he says. “You’re gonna have some fun while I’m here, dearest friend.”

Eddie and I go all the way back to kindergarten. He was the most annoying kid in my class and he targeted me. Pulling my pigtails... tagging me every time he was it and when I’d try to tag him back, he’d never let me catch him. But he grew on me and never let anyone pick on me all throughout our school years.

The smell of sweaty bodies and alcohol sours my stomach. Loud music thumps in my ears. People walk about, some with a single beer and some with two, while others slam shots of this or that. Why did I subject myself to this? Ugh! Oh, right. Jen’s promotion and to forget about James walking out on me. Not that it crushes me, but it isn’t over. He’ll come back begging, as usual.

The night lingers and my only entertainment is watching the morons, the inebriated, and desperate girls who’ll stop at nothing for a little bit of attention. Despicable. I shift in my seat and watch Layne as she sidles up next to the puke of a bouncer.

Another headache develops. I press the butt of my palms against my brows and close my eyes. Everything blurs, but I can see someone. They walk into a dark tree line. I feel a tug and I’m suddenly short of breath. Something cold and frothy touches my skin and then I realize the person in my head is... me. And I’m screaming, “Help me! Please, oh please!” The rest of my words garble. A massive shadow hovers over me. I feel a network of goose bumps rise along my skin.

“MM-mmorgan...” I jump at the touch and it snaps me back to reality. It’s Amy and her speech is slurred. I raise my head to catch her stumbling in front of me. “I... need zum alc O hal.” She laughs and weaves toward the bar.

Anxious over the headache and whatever message it carries, I want nothing more than to go home. Instead of verbally informing my friends that I’m leaving, I send them a text.

The bouncer catches me as I head toward the exit, and he flips me that disgusting I-want-to-hook up-with-you smile.

I stick a finger in my mouth, motioning a gag.

He winks.

I roll my eyes. “No thanks, limp dick.”

“Nothing limp here, baby,” he says as he gropes his crotch. “Come over here and I’ll show you the one eye of Jake.”

Huh? One eye of—ohh! He names his penis! That is so nasty!

He continues with long strokes along his personal member. Jake with one eye... puh-lease.

Take thy foot and shove it in thy mouth. I should have known better than to comment in the first place.

I drive home wondering what’s wrong with the world. Please, God. Take me to the land of happily ever after!

A little voice in the back of my head whispers, “Be careful what you wish for.”

After a quick shower, I stretch my arms wide and inhale the clean air of my bedroom. The refreshing smell of bed linens gives a sense of cleanliness after the stench of the bar. My body greets the fluff of the mattress and my thoughts drift. I wonder if Layne’s earlier statement is true. Will I ever find the man of my dreams? Was it too much to ask for a simple man who loves the outdoors and is not a drunken fool or a cheating, future lawyer? Am I too fussy for wanting the fairytale—a fairytale which probably doesn’t exist in this world? A perfect marriage, happy family, and love never ending? My parents, heaven rest their souls, seemed to have lived the tale. They couldn’t have been the only humans who’d lived the dream.

God, did I ever miss them. Mom’s homemade meals every night, and always a very special one when dad would return from whatever secret mission his job led him to. Dad. He’d been somewhat of a mystery. His job was a super-secret, something we, or anyone else, could never know about. The only explanation my father gave was that he worked for some secret society, one that would someday benefit me.

The memory angers me. “When, Dad. When did those benefits ever help me? Just look at me, will you? Where’s the benefit? You died too soon. You and... and Mom.” The aching pain in my heart grows with each thought of them dying. An unknown adversary had chased them into a large boulder where their car exploded on impact. The emergency workers and law enforcement said they’d been burned to ashes. I could never swallow the thought of what a horrible death it was. Just horrible.

It left me bitter. The world had suddenly filled with a whole lot of ugly. Everything is bad. I hate this life, this world, and the terrible people committing crimes, selling drugs, but more than anything, I hate the stranger who had killed my parents, ending my once happy family. But I still have pieces of them all around me. Being an only child left me with our house and everything my parents had accumulated. Dad’s job had brought in a lucrative salary.

My phone rings. DING, DING, DONG.

James flashes across the screen.

“What do you want?”

“Hey, baby. I just want to apologize,” he mutters.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Awe. Come on. You know I love you.”

He’s drunk.

“Mm-hmm.” But I wish he didn’t love me.

“What’d you do tonight?”

“Why don’t you tell me what you did first?”

“Oh. The Zone. Yeah, some of the guys and I had a few drinks.”

He’s lying! The jerk was supposed to meet some ‘pals’ at The Golden Nugget, his usual hang out. Wait! No. No friggin’ way! I recall Terri telling me she was going to The Zone to meet up with friends. She hadn’t invited me, something she used to do until I introduced her to my boyfriend.

“Hang—” James says and I can hear the static from his hand sliding over the speaker. And then I hear muffles, like someone’s kissing him before the sound of his phone clatters to the ground.

There’s some shuffling and he finally gets back on the line. His voice now thick, he says, “Sorry. I-I’m a little drunk.”

“Freakin’ liar. I can hear her in the background, James. We’re definitely done. Get it? D-O-N-E. Done.”

“But—”

“No. Not going to hear it. We were through when you walked out of my office.” It feels good to say that to him, even if I’ve said it a thousand times before, it’s even better this time.

A voice too feminine to be James, whispers, “Shh. Come on. You’ve got me.”

“Yes, James. You have Terri. Tell the bitch congratulations and not to call herself my friend.”

There’s a startled gasp and I know it’s Terri.

“No, no. It’s not—” I end the call before he can finish his lie, and place the phone on the nightstand.

“Hallelujah! We’re done. OVER.” Ah. What an amazing feeling. I sink deeper into the pillows and stare at the speckles, visible from the glare of the street lamp seeping through my window, glimmering on the ceiling. My thoughts drift.

What I want is some-kind-of-wonderful. The secret paradise my parents talked privately about. A place where two lovers could forever share a love so deep, nothing could take it away. We’ll never grow old and... I’ll never find it here. A dreamer, that’s me, and I’m slowly fading into the world of sleep.

I’m standing in a large glass enclosure... in motionless water, but I’m not alone. I know I’m trapped in the four-foot section, not too far from the endless pool’s edge. I also know that escape should be easy, but I’m stifled by the intruder’s presence, and I stand erect, paralyzed by fear. My heart pumps harder—my nostrils flare.

I try to be silent, but my breathing turns rapid as creases ripple across the length of the pool. I want to run, but I’m terrified, certain my legs are dead weight anchoring me to one spot.

Wake up! Wake up or you’re going to die!

The ripples turn to waves and swoosh past the long stretch ahead before slapping the wall and retreating. I sense his approach. My heart quivers. Blood rushes up my neck and thuds against my eardrums. Chills sweep in a feathery dance along my spine, and I shiver.

My windpipes whistle.

He hears it... the panic in my breathing.

His energy radiates, sending a chain reaction of goose bumps to mix with the crosshairs of my skin as he moves closer. His shadow towers and spills far ahead. No need to turn around; I know he’s peering down at me.

Escape is out of the question. He’ll never allow it. Before I can react, burly arms wrap around me and pull me tight against a massive chest. With the weight of his body, he presses into my back and plunges us into the water. The cement bottom gives away and a powerful vacuum sucks us under before the cement seals itself behind.

I hold my breath until I can no longer—

“Huh-huh.” I gasp as I wake and lap in some much needed oxygen. The image of the intruder is crowding my head, and the dream lingers.

I toss and turn, hum a song, bury my head under the pillows, yank the blankets over my head, and still, the dream hovers. Who is the stranger and why a pool?

I want to re-enter the dream, but fail as I fall into a peaceful sleep.

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Deep in my soul I feel lonely. All hopes are fading away as I spiral down. If I had to make a wish, I’d wish for peace to befall me.

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DUST PARTICLES FLOAT ALONG A BURST of sunlight beaming through the split in the curtains. I don’t want to get up, but the sound of wind whistling through the leafy trees brings me out of the lonely king size bed. A cup of tea and reading the morning paper is the norm, but not today. I can’t concentrate on the paper when my thoughts linger on the dream.

I poke my head outside and absorb the warmth of the sunlight as it kisses my skin. Leaves dance in circles, flipping back and forth until a wind gust swooshes them up and scatters them every-which-way.

The damn dream forces its way into my thoughts. Something about it has a tight grip on me—a warning of some sort, the same gut wrenching one I had once before. I smell it, taste it, fear it. Tears fill my eyes and drip simultaneously down my cheeks. I pinch my lids closed and swallow hard, an attempt to push the memory into the hidden files of my brain. It doesn’t work. The memory of that tragic accident, the one that brought death to my parents, comes crashing back.

I recall the achiness in my head—my cloudy thoughts, and my once upon a time best friend, Terri, standing at my side as the news of my parents tragic ending was delivered to me.

I wanted to abandon all hope and give up, but it was Terri who scolded me by saying ‘Mary and Joe Masters wouldn’t want to see their daughter become nobody, a loser.’

I need to shake off the negative vibes; not dwell on postmortems.

It’s Saturday and I have the following week off work—a merit well overdue.

As an interning neuroscience major, my duties seem endless, forbearing, and I’m convinced I’m stressed, nothing more.

After a warm shower, I thumb through my wardrobe, deciding a white sundress will be appropriate for taking a drive to the mountains. The day’s perfect and a scenic drive promises a grand escape.

I hop into my BMW M6 convertible, the one thing I spoiled myself with, and open the garage.

Shifting in reverse, I press a little too heavy on the gas and the car squeals out of the garage. It always perturbs my grouchy old neighbor who pretends he doesn’t like me, but I know he does. I’ve got a need to remind him of the spunky young woman living next door.

A quick glance in the rearview mirror­—I slam on the brakes.

“What the hell?” The wretched smell of rubber fills the air. Some redheaded, scruffy-bearded hobo with black rimmed glasses—much too big for his face—stands in my driveway. What does he want? Is he begging me to run him down?

“You idiot,” I shout. The nimrod shoves his hands deep into his pockets and stares blankly at me.

My heart races wild and furious as I bite back profane words about to spill from my lips. I’m hot because this fool has ruined my entertainment of pissing off the old man. I step out of the car and turn in his direction. It’s only seconds I turned my head, and when I snap my eyes to where he was standing, he’s gone. I walk out further, scope the area around the house, but he’s nowhere in sight.

“Freak show.”

A clattering noise next door startles me and I flip around.

“Dumped my tools, Miss Morgan. Sorry I scared yah,” Mr. Bumble says. His lip curls and his eyes are mere slits. The old Butt wasn’t sorry. He dumped his tools on purpose.

“Did you happen to see anybody walking around the premises?” I ask.

“Nope. Can’t say that I have. You lookin’ for someone, are yah? Maybe some young fella?”

“No fella’s, just some weirdo wandering around the neighborhood. No worries, Mr. Bumble. Have a nice day.” I wave and rush back to my car before he catches up to me. He’s still gabbling about this and that, and he’ll yack all day if I stay put.

I can’t do it. I can’t engage in conversation with Mr. Bumble. He’ll bring up the painful subject of my parents. I don’t want to think about the days where my father often sat on Mr. Bumble’s porch, conversing with him. Or the times Mr. Bumble would work with my mother, each sharing ideas, and working together on their landscape. The neighbor isn’t all that grouchy, though the once young and naive me thought most elderly people were. He never fails to reminisce or mention how much he misses my parents. I miss them too, but to think about it brings back floods of memories.

The days my parents spent together, when dad wasn’t on some secret mission, were always beautiful memories. My parents were perfect.

Why can’t I find that special someone?

I’ll never get over the feelings of guilt, for sensing something bad was going to happen. If only I had called them... and what? Asked them to stay home? But I had no idea why I was getting those negative vibes. If only I had known....

I hop back into the car and shake off the ordeal. Strapping my iTouch to my arm, I poke the record button. I like to capture whatever surprises nature has to offer, often listening to the sounds when I go to bed.

The sun glistens through the damp trees in the mountain passes. As I reach higher altitudes, the temperature drops a few degrees. I hit the latch release button and the roof drops back. Inhaling the essence of mountain pine and earthy scents heighten my senses and reminds me there are still some good things left in this world.

I stop to get out of the car and brave standing near the dropped edges to peer at the scenic stretch. I’m a little too close to the ledge and take a few steps back. The anxiousness of falling causes me to flip around and dart toward the shelter of my car. My reunion ends when a black sedan with heavy window tint drives by slowly. It disappears around an uphill curve. I didn’t put too much thought into it—until the same car reappears coming down the hill. The driver seems to deliberately slow to a mere crawl, aggravating the drivers behind him. I watch as the window slowly slides down and reveals the freak that was in my driveway earlier. He continues his slow pace and pokes his head out of the window as he drives past. Who the hell is he and why is he following me? Should I fear him?

After a quick retreat into my car, I drive a little further before an uneasy feeling stirs inside my stomach. Little warnings are burning in my head as they had when I woke up this morning. What’s wrong with me? Nothing, nothing... you’re just anxious... and panicky.

I feel like there’s an invisible intruder... watching and waiting for the right moment to jump out—and do what? Nonsense. Just plain nonsense. I shrug the thoughts by replacing them with ideas of James and Terri. Not much better. Ick.

And then I dare to peek in the rearview mirror. “Damn!” The creeper is lurking, again! He’s behind me and this time there’s another creep in his passenger seat.

Two psychos, great! Why the hell are they following me?

I swerve onto the shoulder and slam on the brakes. The car screeches to a halt. I leap out. The two men following me drive so slowly, as if they’re riding on top of a turtle, and they stare with expressionless faces. I wave my hands and try to make them stop, although I’m sure I could cross the street and I’d look like the hare that jumped the turtle, but as I’m thinking of ‘The Turtle and the Hare,’ I’m suddenly breathless. What I see—

POOF! The two men and their car disappear into a thick fog.

I saw them. I know I did. I did. I’m not crazy. I get back into my car and get the hell off Freak Street.

The clouds roll in and massive drops of rain come splattering down. The sun was shining minutes ago, the two weirdo’s showed up, disappeared, and now there’s a drastic change of weather. Am I driving into ‘The Twilight Zone?’ Something eerie is going down.

Thunder grumbles with currents of lighting spearing through the cloudy sky.

My gut aches. My heart pounds. I’m terrified. The calm-before-the-storm. The words scroll before my eyes.

My limbs quiver. I can’t race fast enough down the mountain. I want to be home in my comfort zone.

Large shards of purple lightning discharge across the black sky.

I hadn’t taken any medicine that would affect my sight or my mental status. I never drink or use illicit drugs. I slap my cheeks like they do in the movies to see if I’m awake. I’m definitely awake.

There’s no logical answer for what I see.

In the rearview mirror, bigger and darker clouds drop from the sky. They’re rolling forward, toward my car, gaining in size and speed. Well, Morgan Masters, you might get your happily ever after! Or is it happily NEVER after? I’m getting the latter, definitely the latter!

A warm feeling kisses my skin. I figure this might be the last time I’ll get to pray to the one who created all humanity.

“Spare my life, Father. If this you cannot do, please forgive all of my sins... and please, make my ending as painless as possible... pretty please?”

Streaks of electrical sparks fly from my car and I lose all control. The flash of light blinds me. As my sight returns, the crisscrossed signs of Rock Ridge Road and Mountain Ridge Road blow past. The only thing in front of me—

“Oh, God!” The calm is gone. Fear is the bullet ripping through my heart.

The name of the bullet—GRAVE.

The possibility of death—Imminent.

To die alone in darkness.

“Have I been that bad?”

My pulse pounds in my ears and my head spins wild and crazy.

DEATH!

Splattering at the bottom of the mountain... a gruesome ending... Oh, please God, no. I’m not ready to die. Please... take me away—away from this horrible sentence!

Gasping!

Air! I need ai—

Acid and blood taints my tongue.

Please spare me from this horrible ending.

The ground zeroes in.

Faster.

Faster and—

I’m going to splatter over the jagged rocks.

The car spirals. My head spirals with it—everything’s blurry before...

A sickness swirls inside my gut. The horror of the death I’m falling toward—

My world... instantly hushes.

––––––––

Time stills in the shadows. Crude cries resound in the tomb of darkness as they bounce from tree to tree. A sudden raw memory of fear swoons in and overwhelms me.

––––––––

MY CONSCIOUSNESS SPIRALS DOWN INTO A dark tunnel until only a pinpoint of light is visible... then flickering from existence. Death. I wonder how I could be dead if I’m consciously thinking about death. Is my soul speaking? Is that even possible?

Something hot oozes down my cheek.

And I hear Lub-dub, lub-dub.

Is that my... My heart is beating in a lovely rhythm. I can’t feel it, but I can hear it, and I know I’m not dead. I can’t be dead unless....

No. I don’t believe in bloodsuckers. Vampires are stupid and don’t have hearts that beat. They’re not even real.

Wait. Something new—a sharp, searing pain shoots through my gut. Don’t people see stars when they’re in terrible pain? I see black, green, and purple specks flickering under my eyelids.

More creepiness.

“PSs... PSs... PSs...” A million voices whisper and clash. Wind swishes through trees, shakes the whispers, and though I see nothing, I hear the whispers closing in.

Closer.

Louder.

Clearer.

“Come... Come... Come, come, come...” they cry, and cry, and cry, until—

A loud “Shhhhuuuussh” quiets them.

I wait, and wait, thinking death will take me.

Lub.

Dub.

Oh, God, it hurts. My lungs... they’re on fire.

There’s a long exasperating hiss. I’m suffocating.

No breath, no heartbeat. Only the lingering echo of thought toys around in my head.

I wonder if I’m dead now? Or... paralyzed? NO. Death would be better—

Or would it?

Just when I think death, everything spins and I feel like my body parts are being sucked out.

There’s no pain.

A peaceful calm fills the panicked voices inside my head.

But nothing calm or peaceful seems to last, and now a forceful blow echoes with clicks and pauses.

There’s a faint buzzing of overhead lights whizzing by. Streaks of fluorescence pierce the tiny slits between my eyelids.

And then it all goes away, allowing nothingness to take hold once more.

Time.

I have nothing, but time.

Time hangs in the shadows of darkness.

Thug!

“HUP!”

Ugh.

“Huh-whew-huh-whew—” I’m struggling to suck in air.

But, I’m Alive!

Inhale... exhale. It’s getting easier to breathe.

I hear something.

A whisper.

I attempt to turn toward the murmur, but my cheek collides with something wet and sticky. Traces of dewdrops taint my senses. It’s a beautiful assault; one that brings me out of the darkness.

I blink my eyes a few times. Everything blurs together. The hazy vapors clear after a few more blinks.

Whoa—where the hell am I?

My mind moves blindly as my body goes nowhere. I try to lift my arms, but they refuse to respond. In fact, none of me responds.

Here I lie on the flat of my back, staring through the abyss of trees at a small peephole opening to the sky.

I close my eyes and focus on the sounds around me. A sudden whir, like a gush of wind moves nearer and louder.

My heart races.

It whooshes closer, too close.

Words bubble up my throat. “Oh, God! I don’t want to die! God, help me!”

A new silence envelops me, and it doesn’t make me feel better. I’m on the edge of life and death and I’m not sure I want to see what fate awaits me, but curiosity gets the better of me and I attempt to arch my neck to see what lurks behind me.

“Do not look for what you cannot see. Close your eyes, Morgan Masters,” he whispers.

I shudder. “W-Who are you? W-Where am I? W-What do you mean?”

“Close your eyes. Close your eyes and look into your heart, Morgan Masters, and you will see.”

Do I want to see whatever ‘this’ is? I could die either way, if I’m not already dead. Better to do it with my eyes wide shut.

“Breathe in slowly and release.”

I follow his instruction. Inhale... Exhale.

“Release your fear and I shall take you beyond your world. Do you remember your world, Morgan Masters?”

My world. My what? “I remember my name, but you already know it.”

“Your world, Morgan Masters.”

“I... I don’t know what that is. My world. What is it?”

“Good, good. Nothing to fear. You will find your place in due time. Think not into the matter, but live for each moment. Are you still frightened?”

I think, hell yes! But I respond with an “I don’t know.”

“Now keep your eyes closed as I gently lift you from the ground. Do not look back at me. Only look where you can see ahead. Are we clear?”

Clear? Nothing is clear, but I whisper, “Yes.” And before I can think any further about my situation, this stranger whisks me upright, and a vibrating sensation encircles me. I beg to open my eyes, but fear for what I might see holds me back.

“Nothing to fear, Morgan Masters. Open your eyes.”

“What? Can you read minds?”

“No, Morgan Masters. I can feel your fear. Let it go and open your eyes.”

I want to ask why he keeps saying my name. If I didn’t remember it before, I definitely know it now. I open my eyes. A large shadow casts in front of me, and the owner of it carries me deep into the forest.

I lift my hands; touch my lips, nose, and cheeks, wondering if I’m really alive?

“Fear not the reaper, for it is not your calling, Morgan Masters. You are alive. Now examine your surroundings; absorb all that you can.”

And so I do.

The colors of the forest pool in many shades of gold, purple, pink and a bit of green poking through here and there.

“What exactly am I looking for? I see all these beautiful colors, but what does it mean?”

He doesn’t answer. The only sound is of leaves scattering and the whistling of wind as we travel at marathon speeds.

I know at this moment, there’s been some sort of disconnection of who I was, where I came from, and how I ended up in this whole mess. I can’t let this bring me down, depress me, but if I feign to know everything about my surroundings, maybe my mind will return.

“Remember what I’ve said, Morgan Masters. You are your own fear. Choose wisely.”

“What does that mea—” My breath whooshes as my body suddenly drops to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut off.

“Wait! Where are you?”

He doesn’t respond.

“You can’t leave me here all by myself!” I’m scared.

And I sit.

And stare.

I need to figure this out, but nothing comes to mind, only hot tears pour down my cheeks and pitiful gasps bubble from my throat.

“Get up, Morgan Masters! Choose your path before it chooses you! Get up, get up!”

Oh, God! “What d-ddo you m-mean? I don’t get it!”

“Do not question! Get up and choose now!”

I jump to my feet at the sound of rustling noises coming from the bushes and take a step forward. The reverberations drown me. I whip one way and then circle back, uncertain of what or which way to go. There’s a rattling and hissing racket far louder than any other creeping critter. God! I can’t stand it! My arms finally obey when I instruct them to move. My skin rolls with chills as the sway of large branches dip down next to me. Embracing myself, I rub my arms briskly, but it does nothing to ward off my fear and anxiety.

The horrible sounds won’t quiet down even after I throw my hands over my ears. There are evil things out there probably thirsting for warm blood and deciphering who gets to eat what part of my body. A shudder resonates from my head down to my toes.

Entering a spot where the forest splits into two separate trails, I’m shooting for the brighter one because it looks safe, but as I take my first and second steps into its perimeter, ice-cold fingers reach out and lick my skin. Snakes hiss and rattle, wolves cry, probably holding their knives and forks upright, ready to carve away meat from bone, and smacking their lips knowing their supper just walked right on to their dinner plates. Even nasty, shiny black scorpions have their pinchers clapping together with big snarly smiles on their crusty faces.

But it’s not too late! I flip around so fast my feet don’t have time to kick up dirt. That’s when I feel a vibrating sensation lifting me, pushing me forward.

My heart’s racing in a futile attempt to keep up with my furiously fleeting feet. There’s a violent gust of wind crashing through the trail I just escaped from, and the sounds of trees clattering to the ground reminds me of the Phantom of the Opera; all spooky and dangerous.

I’m moving deeper into the forest and the path is getting darker. A fresh burst of air clips my back, twizzling my hair into my face, and I’m struggling to spit the strands out of my mouth, but they keep blowing back.

The crashing and snapping I heard earlier is fading the further I drift into the forest, away from the humans-for-dinner trail.

WHOO! WHOO! I jump at the noise, but it’s only an owl whose eyes are watching me, flickering with wit and humor, like it’s mocking me because it knows where I’m going and I don’t.

I shake a fist at it and call, “Whoo, whoo, stupid owl,” and laugh as I move along a soft slush of moss with feathery pillows of goop brushing against the surface of my legs.

I look down. “I... I’m f-floating.”

Heavy moss coats the rocks, trees, and broken twigs that scatter along the floor of the forest. Sounds of wildlife speaking their own language emerge, reminding me this is their home, and I don’t belong. Even the bright, green tree frogs with red eyes follow me, watching and observing as if they’re making sure I don’t disrupt the balance of their circle of life.

Funny, there are no bugs or insects crawling on me. No mosquitoes pining for my blood, and my skin temperature is cool, but not cold when I should be sweating like a three-toed-sloth.

The forest brings a new feeling, one of serenity and elegance, a foreign quality unlike any other. New critters gently rustle in the bushes and colorful things crawl along the swaying of long oak branches.

The scene is becoming a picture of clean, clear atmosphere saturating the entire forest. On the banks, an astonishing stream sashays over smooth rocks covered with a thick, pink moss. Small currents splash against some of the larger boulders, causing bursts of fuchsia showers.

I want to observe the beauty surrounding me, but this force won’t let me. And then it comes to me. That voice I haven’t heard for a while.

“You will catch me here or there, but never look for what you will not find, Morgan Masters. Let your heart lead the way and not your head. Think wisely. Choose wisely, and the world is yours.”

“Wait! You can’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me all alone.”

“Remember; follow your heart, not your mind. Go, and look for me no more.”

I move forward—the vibration still carrying me.

As daylight fades, a bolt of lightning dashes through the sky, casting glimmers of gold across the woodlands. A half-shaded moon clings to the shadows among the towering trees and sheds additional light along the forest. The scenery’s remarkably beautiful and nearly perfect, but there’s a hint of eeriness drifting on the breeze.

Magenta fogs clog some of the path, and as I pass through the cloud, I hear a swishing and slapping of rushing water. I’m moving toward it, and as it becomes visible, I see a myriad of gentle but lively streams meandering through the quiet region.

No time to marvel. The forces-that-be refuse to stop and nudge me past the streams to a new surrounding blooming to life. Trees shift close together and there’s a small path separating the lowest of the tree trunks. To the left, trees tilt toward the right and the right toward the left, creating a canopy overhead. The lighter sky allows me to see through the dense poplar treetops, and a set of stairs, ancient in appearance, travel in an upward incline. A shadow lurks at center step. It overshadows the stairway and seems to be sweeping as gold poofs of dust clouds dance along the rungs. As I close in, the shadow fades—crisp rays of sunshine scatter and absorb the vapors.

Flower petals sprinkle the landscape where massive blooms cling to tree branches. A dab of lavender mixes with wildflowers, and damp tree bark scents the air. It’s mouthwateringly sweet.

Behind a thin film of dew, a huge barrier comes in to focus. The walls mold together into a beautifully aged mansion. Countless numbers of precisely groomed trees and foliage surround the exterior. Rectangular windows fill each wall from top to bottom. There’s serenity and elegance about it, a foreign quality like no other.

My attempt to travel around to the back of the grounds fails. I no longer have control of my direction and emerge in front of two, large weathered doors. I make a crash landing, no longer suspended or carried by the force that brought me here.

I reach for the knob and barely turn—

“Whaaaaa—” A forceful suction inhales me.

I can’t breathe! I’m drowning, struggling, sucking in water... with chlorine! I bob to the surface and cough, puking up pool water then drag in some much needed oxygen. Swaying above the surface, I stumble up the steps. My clothes are sloppy wet and heavy, and I want to strip them off, but I’m not alone.

––––––––

Pay attention to everything in wake and in sleep. Remember this and you will know something, and let nothing be nothing.

––––––––

A MAN WITH FOGGY GLASSES EMERGES, swaying a mop back and forth. He doesn’t look at me; he continues to work as if I’m invisible.

“Like to and fro... no stop or go,” he whispers as I brush past him.

I pause. “What do you mean?”

“Hm-hm-hm-hum.” He continues his chore, disregarding my presence. I dart for the doors and escape.

The halls are empty and dimly lit. I walk aimlessly, unsure of my direction, unsure of my surroundings, unsure of me. A set of French doors sit a few feet ahead and somehow, I know this is my destination. Maybe this is a good indication that I haven’t gone crazy after all.

I stand in front of the door, and pause before turning the knob. What will I find on the other side? Pushing the thought aside, I step in and close the door behind me.

“You’re home, Morgan Masters. Relax and free your mind. Let not the surroundings overwhelm you,” the hidden voice says.

I smile inwardly at his words of comfort. Moving away from the door, I step into the brightly lit living room, into this whole new world. My home? The ceiling is high with intricate details of...? Bodies clashing? No... maybe... It’s hard to tell without any added color. The entire room is white, even the overstuffed couch centered under the window—a window that faces the hall. The tan and brown pillows lining it are the only added color. I walk down the hall where I imagine I’ll find a bedroom.

Jackpot! I shuck my damp dress and undergarments, slip under the tan sheets of the big, fluffy four-poster bed and pull the Egyptian patterned comforter up to my chin. I should really shut the lights off, but there’s only two on each side of the two posters connected to the headboard. They’re dimly lit, hidden under a crown of bronzed metal. I might need the glow they offer to find my way around, should I wake in the middle of the night. Overwhelmed and exhausted, I welcome sleep. It comes surprisingly easy—my mind empty and void—and I finally find peace.

Sometime later, I wake. My long hair nets my face, clinging to the cold perspiration on my cheeks. With fuzzy eyes and a blurry mind, I glance at the clock. It’s too early to get up so I pull the covers to my chin and go back to sleep.

––––––––

Vague spots of white sparkles glimmer through the burgundy curtains. I’m covered head to toe in a thin layer of sweat. I push the covers away and stretch my aching limbs. I do a quick sweep of the room, the unfamiliar space, looking for something proverbial, but I recognize nothing. How can I be so confused? Crap! What happened last night? The day before that? I slide off the bed and head toward the living room.

A golden envelope sitting on the corner table catches my attention. SUGAR HILLS of Paradise City stands out in bold, green letters. After opening it, I pull the content out and examine it. It’s some sort of map with black exes and lines.

“I don’t get it,” I whisper and drop the contents back on the table.

The confusion gives me a headache. I slouch on the overstuffed couch, kick my legs up, and rest my head on the arm. My eyelids close...

“Let not the world around you be your barrier, Morgan.”

...And snap back open.

He’s back.

“But it’s my barrier. I’m trapped in some foreign place... I think. How can I know anything when I know nothing but my name?”

“Don’t ask questions, for I can disclose nothing.”

“Nothing. That’s what I am. Nothing.”

“Close your eyes and rest. Pay attention to everything in wake and in sleep. Remember this and you will know something, and let nothing be nothing. Now sleep, Morgan, and retain what you see.”

And sleep sweeps me away.

I’m in a place where people fill the halls. A large swimming pool, Olympic size, sits motionless behind a wall with a set of glass doors. I pass through them and stand alone at the edge of pool. Eeriness dances in the air and crawls under my skin.

I shudder from head to toe.

“You’re not alone!” A voice whisper shouts, but it’s not my familiar friend.

“Who are you?”

No answer.

I examine the area. Nobody’s here, so I scurry out and stand in the hall, facing the pool, watching as the glass doors fill with heavy fog. There’s a sudden tickle in my feet, and I look down to discover the ground is shaking.

The doors ripple and the glass shatters. My heart skids to a stop and picks up in a hysterical gallop as the pool rises like high tide. Rising further, the water comes crashing through the halls and roars toward me. I run, and skid to a halt.

The man with the mop appears ahead of me. His lips unmoving, but the words spilling from his mouth are all encouraging and promising.

“Fear not the storms. Does it not bring a rainbow after? A new life it brings into bloom and within its bloom, a gift will come into light. Find your bloom, Morgan Masters.”

He says nothing more and with his mop, the massive wave is absorbed and then it absorbs him too. Each shard of glass draws up, pulling the doors back in place as if it had never shattered.

Shattered.

Just like me.

Shattered.

People in the hall mingle as if nothing has happened.

I try out my voice. “Hello?”

Nobody answers.

I scream, “What the hell is going on?”

Can no one see me? I scan the area and pause on one person who’s watching from a distance. He’s too far for me to see his face, but his structure: strong, hard, powerful, and his shock of wavy blond hair stands out.

Buzz.

Buzz.

A horrible sound and pain shoots through my head. I can’t see! Another stab of pain slices through my head—a vision of white fluffy clouds shock my eyes and I cup my hands over them, slowly spreading my fingers, peeking through them until the shock wears off. The clouds transition into a mountainside full of blue furs.

The scent of bark mixed with damp earth teases my senses, and I inhale the delicious smell. As I exhale, the scene changes. My stomach jumps into my heart and bounces into my throat.

“NNNO—” I scream, but my breath slips away as I fall... fast.

Faster.

Please, no.

And faster!

Somebody?

Anybody?

There’s no one.

I claw and kick as if it will somehow break the fall. I kick harder as I drop faster. My heart slams against my chest as I plunge down the mountain.

The rocky bottom appears too soon.

I feel my lungs caving in.

But then—

A face.

A ray of sunshine.

Something beautiful—

“Huh!” I wake gasping in a puddle of sweat.

Just another nightmare.

I press my hand against my heart and roll on my side. A moan escapes my chest and a sob follows. I’m so lost, lost in my head, lost in some world—maybe my own world, with only a strange voice telling me what? I don’t dare let anyone know, if ever I exist.

What am I supposed to do? I’m lost. Lost inside this place, a place I’m not sure I belong. I know my name. I know something has happened to me, but I don’t know what that is. I don’t know what this is. And then I wonder about the voice. Is he my friend? Where is he? But more than that, I wonder if I’ve made him up. No, no. I can’t let myself think that. If I do, then I’m admitting I’m mental and I can’t let myself believe that.

I stare into the dark and wonder about this place, and how this haven is quickly becoming my life. Tears glide down my cheeks, and into my hair.

I may not remember everything, but I know this is not my home. This is something entirely different. Somehow, some way, I’ve been thrown into this strange world and I want answers. Lying here staring at a white ceiling isn’t going to get me them. I force myself to get up and drag my butt into the bathroom. It’s a pretty bathroom. Big fancy tub... water jets... just what I need right now.

After the water warms, I pluck off my shirt and step in.

My heart races but I remain calm. I cover my body, overcome by fear of some unknown entity watching me.

Nonsense. “Who am I kidding? I’m a paranoid freak. Morgan Masters, pull yourself together.” I cry and laugh at my own craziness.

How can I admit I have no clue who and where the hell I am? Or that I might be insane?

“Oh, where art thou, hidden voice?”

After my bath, I throw on a pair of skinny denims to enhance my five-foot-eight frame, and a lacy, white shirt. The white brings out the gold in my skin. I wear my long, brown hair in soft medium curls and slip on some silver accessories. What are you dressing up for, as if you have some important meeting, date, boyfriend? A little voice niggles in my head. Because I can, because I don’t know what else to do, I answer the niggle and shake my head.

Stepping into the hall, I feel like I’ve stepped into a strangely familiar, yet frightening world. The area is big, and blindingly bright. I squeeze my eyes shut and attempt to remember something, anything. What is it called when you forget who you are? Amnesia? Is that what I have?

My eyes absorb every surface, from ground to ceiling and marvel at the wooden beams, the crown molding with intricate details and the warm earth tone tiles beneath my feet.

Where the hell am I?

I walk down a long stretch of hall, take a right turn, and find myself in some sort of meeting hall? There are people standing, people sitting at tables, people shaking hands, and then I hear voices behind me, more people filtering into the room. I want to flee but where? I can’t go back the way I came, too many bodies moving this way. I step further into the room, avoiding eye contact and head toward the wall, which is made of glass from floor to ceiling.

Overwhelmed, I stare out at the night sky, at the forest covered in a purple haze. Feeling trapped, I reach out and touch the window, the warmth of the glass traveling throughout my body.

A tingle spreads from head to toe, a warning of sorts. I’m instantly aware someone is standing behind me. My hand still on the glass, I turn my head slightly and in my peripheral vision, I see a muscular bicep, shoulder, neck, the strong curve of his jaw and blond wavy hair.

The soft breeze of his breath against my ear startles me. “It’s beautiful, the purple haze, the forest, but extremely deceiving,” he says barely above a whisper. I shiver.

Anxious, uptight, and uncertain of his words, his purpose, “I don’t know you, don’t want to know you so please, let me be,” I say, instantly wishing I could retract my words. I turn around, ready to apologize, but he’s already gone. Instead, I find crowds of people gathered in the room, and then I see it, a black poster with gold letters: Welcome all new members, and established tenants, to the meet and greet. No wonder the space is filled with people.

Not wanting to be here, I take long strides toward the exit with my eyes trained on the floor.

“Ooph!” I feel the wind escape my lungs, hear the grunt of another female and stumble backward, momentarily stunned.

“Oh, so sorry!” A woman with a delightful smile and twinkling brown eyes says.

“No, no. It was my fault. I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I shake my head and return a smile.

“My name is Rosa, Rosa Ramirez—nice to meet you.” She holds out her hand.

“Morgan—Morgan Masters.”

“You stay,” she says with a Spanish accent. She has long, black, lustrous hair, chocolaty eyes and a cherubic figure. “I don't know anyone here, do you?”

“No, but it’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I ask.

“Yes—yes, it is.” She stops and smiles ear to ear. “Oh, look at all of the people. I’m so nervous.”

I want to ask her all kinds of questions. How long has she been here? Does she remember who she is, where she’s from, anything at all, but I don’t. “I know, me too, but I’m sure everyone will like you. You seem friendly.”

Rosa nods and giggles.

Scanning the scene, I absorb as much information as I can, until my eyes click on one figure—a tall man, maybe six feet, with a perfect muscular frame. Curiosity gets the better of me and I step a little closer, wanting to get a better look at him.

He’s talking with a group of friends. I snake through the crowd to get a closer look. He turns, giving me a clear view of his side profile. His wavy blond hair forms around his face and sits two to three inches above his shoulders. His skin is perfectly golden and flawless. From the side, I can tell his eyes are electric blue... like my own. When he laughs, his ultra-bright teeth sparkle. His wardrobe consists of a tan short-sleeved shirt with the first three buttons undone revealing the middle of his chest and neck. His shorts are dark brown and just slightly above his knees, followed by a pair of dark brown flip-flops.

Mesmerized and fascinated by his appearance, I entertain many thoughts—until he turns my way, and I realize he was the one standing behind me, whispering in my ear.

Crap! I flip around to avoid getting caught, but he’s too quick and already caught me staring.

Something’s seriously familiar about this whole situation, about him. If I only knew what it was.

Sensing a shift in his direction, I sneak a peek, never expecting he’d be walking toward me.

No way. I have to get out of here before he gets any closer. I’m too nervous to talk to him. If he asks questions, he’ll probably ask things I can’t answer. I’m in no condition to meet the guy, and a damn hot one at that. Let’s not forget how poorly I treated him. But I don’t know him, not really. He could be dangerous.

Frantically searching for a way out, a sign saying Women’s Restroom catches my eye. Perfect! I dart ahead, nearly knocking Rosa down, again, in attempt to escape the sex god himself.

“Morgan?” Rosa grabs my arm. “Why you rushing away?”

“Well, as stupid as this may sound, there’s a man I was staring at, and when he looked my way, I panicked; darted for the nearest escape.” I drag her into the ladies room.

“Why do you panic? Why not talk to the man?”

“Oh, no. I can’t do that. I’m too nervous. I’m just not right.” Not right in my head, Rosa. “I’m in a mood—you know, one of those shy moods, one where I’d just stand there like an idiot and say stupid things. You know what I mean?”

“Oh, yes, I know. I go out and check for you, Morgan? I see where—” Rosa crinkles her nose and taps a red polished nail against her lips.

“He’s tall, has blond hair, blue eyes, and... just look for Yummy and when you find it, you’ll know it’s him.” I cover my laugh at Rosa’s ear-to-ear smile.

“Oh! Rosa likes YUMMY. I go see where blondie guy is, okay?” She chuckles and slips out of the restroom.

I’m so nervous, fiddling with my fingernails and contemplating Rosa’s return.

Eight minutes later, Rosa strolls back in with the biggest grin I’ve ever seen.

“What? Why’re you looking at me that way? Did you see him?”

“Oh yes,” Rosa says all sensuous. “Rosa saw nice, tall blondie man. He’s still out there, but he’s not too close to this bathroom. You can probably escape if you want, but I think you should go talk to him. He looks like a nice man and he’s talking to some handsome guy with hair my color. I like him more.” She chuckles like a schoolgirl with a crush and it makes me laugh.

“All right, Rosa, you go out there and stay on the lookout. When the coast is clear and he’s far enough away that he won’t see me, wave so I know I can make a run for it.”

“Okay, but I thinks you should talk to the guy. I know he would like you.” She throws me a wink.

“Wait! What about you? You don’t want to be by yourself. Are you going to stay or do you want to make a run for it? I can always meet you a little further down the way, if you like?”

“Oh, Rosa will meet you in the hall.” She rolls her tongue when she says her name.

“Perfect. Now, peek out there and tell me if I can go, all right?” I ask, not wanting to hang out in the restroom forever.

Rosa walks out of the bathroom, and I follow her right up to the exit and peek around the corner to watch her. She’s ogling a man I assume she’s interested in. He smiles and winks at her.

I watch... and wait... and wait.

Rosa fails to do her job. She’s too busy checking out the men. I whistle through my teeth to get her attention. When she doesn’t respond, I holler, “ROSA.”

She glances over at me, covers her mouth, and drops her hand as she giggles. She lips, “Oops,” and then scans the area. “No Yummy blondie. Go now.”

I silently say, “See you soon,” and dart out of the bathroom, reminding myself to walk when others glance at me as if I’ve disobeyed the rules. I smile and shrug it off. 

I turn around and practically plow down a group of guys.

No! It’s him. Crap! I know he saw me, but I keep walking when I really want to run.

“Hey, wait a second. You... with the long, brown hair. Stop! HEY?” He’s getting louder, but I continue to ignore him.

I feel their glares and his pursuit. He walks at a fast pace. I walk faster. My heart skips—and races faster until...

Safe at last. I think he gave up and returned to his group.

Once I’m safely away from the meet and greet, I stop, turn around, and head back in the same direction I just left, but hide behind pillars until I see Rosa stroll through the exit.

A warm grin spreads across her face and she locks her arm around mine like she’s known me forever. Has she? No. she’s just a happy soul.

Rosa rambles about some Danny guy she’d met when she’d weaved her way through the crowd. “He’s very nice, and handsome too. He says ‘who’s your friend, Rosa, and why did she rush out of here?’ I try to explain...”

My thoughts drift to the blond man. His breath on the back of my ear, the tingling he created with his whispered warning? Is that what it was? It’s then that I realize Rosa has stopped talking. I glance up to find a man walking toward us. His dark hair and features tell me he’s probably Spanish, like Rosa.

I elbow her. “He’s staring at you, Rosa.” I pause to look at her when she doesn’t respond. My god. She’s going to walk into a wall if she doesn’t get her eyes off of him. “Rosa!”

She startles and I grab her arm, pulling her to my side, keeping her from hitting the pillar head on.

“Oh! Morgan. Thank you, thank you,” she says all breathy but quickly glances over her shoulder.

At him.

“Rosa?”

“Uh. Oh. Sorry. What?” She gives me a quick glance, but she’s clearly focused on the man who has now stopped walking and is curling a finger at her.

“Rosa, Rosa. Already flirting with the boys, you little tramp.” We both giggle. “Don’t let me hold you back. If you want to meet him, go on. I’ll be fine.” I give her a little push.

She gives me a curt smile. “Okay. We’ll meet up later. Promise me, Morgan?”

“Absolutely. Now go.” I shoo her away and watch an excited Rosa instantly accept the man’s outstretched hand. They walk back into the room where the meet and greet is still in full force.

For the first time, I notice the halls and a second level, all lined with doors and windows stretched along the walls. Something like an indoor apartment complex. As I continue to wander aimlessly, I don’t know which direction Violet Hall, where I live, is.

“Can I help you find anything?” A gruff voice echoes from behind.

I flip around. “Which way is Violet Hall?”

The man must be in his early twenties. He points as he speaks. “The northwest halls are for caretakers. The southwest upper-level and the southeast lower is for single men and women. Just remember all single people live in halls that start with a V. Vivo, Vixen, Violet.” He nods.

“Thanks for the information.” I give him my best smile, turn on my heels, and wave as I head in the right direction. Something is oddly familiar about the man, but it seems as if there is something oddly familiar about everyone.

The first hall I notice is Vivacity Hall. I look toward the upper level and see Vivo Hall. By the time I see Violet Hall, my destiny, I think I’ve seen pretty much every V named hall this mansion holds.

Thumbing through my pocket, I drag out my keys, unlock the door and slip inside. I shed all my clothing and ready myself to crawl into the comfort of my bed. Instead, I find myself moving away from the lonely bed and into the living room.

I plop down on the couch and imagine what the blond man thought of me. Stuck up. Rude. Guilt washes over me for ignoring him. I play out different scenarios of what it would be like if I had met him. The idea keeps me reeling until the images of us turn into a hazy sleep.

The next few days are uneventful, but the man I avoided continues to occupy my thoughts. Rosa and I had dinner at her place. I’m jealous over her new relationship. She’s happy and quite possibly in love with a man from the meet and greet. He’s been with her every evening for the last two nights. Tonight is no exception and he just happens to stop by while I’m sitting in Rosa’s living room.

He outstretches his hand. “Hello. I’m Miguel. Pleased to meet you, Morgan.” He drops my hand, his eyes locking on Rosa.

“Nice to meet you, too.” My response is delayed, but does it matter? I don’t think he hears me. Nothing like being a third wheel.

“I have things to do. I think I’ll head home. Thanks for dinner, Rosa. I’ll catch up with you later?” I’m pretty sure Rosa didn’t hear a word I said. She and Miguel seem to cohabit in a world where only they exist. Quietly, I exit into the empty hall.

I could kick myself for not talking to Tall, Blond, and Handsome, when the opportunity presented itself. I’m all alone and it’s my own fault.

––––––––

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It’s a tug-of-war, a magnetism and pull so strong that begs to take me to a place of fear, to a place of things unknown, and I listen to it.

––––––––

THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, I WAKE SEVERAL times bothered by a strange urge to go to the pool. There were other nights I dreamed about it, but I also dreamed of being sucked into the pool drain and drowning. Panic always wakes me before I completely suffocate.

I lie in bed, staring at the sparkles on the ceiling, a little tug of curiosity niggling at me. The urge is stronger than my fear of what it signifies, which usually holds me back, but I’m not so sure I can let it go this time.

After tossing, turning, and burying my head under the pillows, I finally fall asleep.

In the darkness of night, visions of sparkling light flicker against a gentle sway of the pool. Whispered voices call from the halls. “Come, come, come!”

A shadowy figure looms and stretches its arms out, reaching around me. “No, no, no!” My heart leaps into my throat, and before it envelops me, the cloudy stranger dissolves, and my vision clears.

I’m floating on a cool breeze along the hills of the mountains. Far below, down the long jagged boulders, a figure moves about. It sways rapidly to and fro, back and forth, as if it’s sweeping the black shiny articles I see glaring under the sun.

I strain my eyes in an attempt to see better, but a sudden pain shoots through my head and all light vanishes. I’m floating in darkness and somewhere in the distance, I hear the echo of voices.

“Mooorgaan... Morgan Maaasssters... commmme. Come back to us,” they chant.

“Stop, stop, stop!” I cry, but they keep calling and mumbling things I can’t comprehend.

Electrical currents shoot through my chest and the crazy voices disappear.

I want it to stop, but the shocks keep coming, my chest now vibrating. I can feel little prickles along my skin as another surge of fire runs through me, and then it all ends when a glimmer of light seeps under my fuzzy eyes.

I see a man with bushy, red hair and wild green eyes hovering over me, watching and whispering garbled words. I rub my eyes and he drifts away, taking the light with him.

I wake feeling unrested and glance at the clock. It registers ten-thirty p.m., but it feels like morning. Unable to go back to sleep, thoughts of the pool slip in, wet and unwelcome. I toss and turn but can’t get comfortable. I throw a pillow over my head and nearly fall asleep, but the damn pool keeps tugging at me.

Go, go, go. My brain doesn’t stop and nags me enough to drive me nuts. If I ignore it, it pops up again and again. The pool holds some sort of spell over me.

“That’s it!” I throw the covers off and slip out of bed. I’m so frustrated. I want to rip my hair out, scream at the top of my lungs and ask what the hell is going on! And for the love of... who?

Images of that damn pool surface, as if it’s calling me, telling me it has all the answers.

Sheesus. Have I completely lost my mind?

My gut twists and turns as I put on my swimsuit and a cotton pullover. The pool is probably dark, empty, and dangerous.

Stop! My subconscious screams as the doorknob slips under the sweat of my palm.

The overwhelming curiosity wins. I grab my bag and swing the door open. I’m greeted with the biting cold of the quiet, empty, hall. A chill snakes up my spine and I tremble.

Okay, get a grip on yourself. There’s nothing here and no one is watching you. Go on!

Inhale. Exhale. I’m so shaky that I have to lean against the wall for support. It’s too quiet. I need a distraction... and fast. My iTouch. “Is it in my bag?”

Sliding down the wall, I squat, and fumble through the bag until I find my distraction. I slip the ear buds in, turn it on and scroll through the list until I come across the song ‘Spirit In The Sky’. Perfect.

After drowning out the creepy quiet of the halls, I manage to work my way up to a standing position and push forward.

Rolling with the tunes, I sing at the top of my lungs about a spirit in the sky and how I’m gonna go there when I die. And I feel fearless.

Fearless me.

Until...

Something warm digs into my flesh.

Oh, god!

The icy chill snakes down my spine again.

Oh. My. Ggg—

The hairs on my arms raise.

What. Is. Touching. My back? I can’t look. Gotta run. Like right now.

Move, you idiot!

My feet are cement. I’m done. Finished. Finito. Sayonara.

Fingers slither over my shoulders. They shake me.

My ear-buds fly out of my ears. Fight or flight?

Images of hands without faces are clawing at me, at my back, and I fight.

“Hey now,” A deep voice shouts and big hands grasp my shoulders.

Flashes of a woman, wet and muddy, twigs and leaves woven in her ratty hair, eyes wild with anger and fear, grabs my arms.

“Don’t touch me!” Fight. I swing my arms round and round, like a windmill.

Big, strong arms wrap around me, trapping my arms.

Panic grips my heart like a vice.

“Stop it!” he demands, and releases me, only to flip me around to face him.

My knee collides with his groin.

He hunches over his body. His face is pasty white, he looks like he’s about to throw up.

I hover above him, ready to strike, reaching for his thick blond hair, but in that tiny moment of preparation, when I should have ran instead of grabbing a fistful of his hair, my feet are swept out from under me and I’m lying flat on my back, wind knocked out of me.

Damn if I’m going to let him get the better of me. I roll onto my side, get to my hands and knees, and kick at him, but he leans over me, snaps my arms back, and attempts to clasp my hands behind my back. My fingernails dig into his hands and I latch on to him while he tries to press them down against my sides, but he pries my fingers loose.

Failing to escape has me frantic, my elbows crash repeatedly into his chest. He sucks in a breath, and then growls, but doesn’t speak.

“Get off of me, you freak. Let me go,” I scream and sob; twist and turn under his grasp, weakening his hold, his stance. I scramble to my feet, catch my breath, and try to get my head in check.

He rises, towers over me, and powerful, angry blue eyes meet mine.

What have I done? I’ve gone and provoked him.

We stare, neither of us blinking.

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks when I realize who he is, how beautiful he is. This is the third time I’ve crossed paths with him, each time I was rude, but this time? Out of control. Why did I freak out?

Embarrassed, I turn and scramble down the hall calling out, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry!”

He’s saying something, but I can’t hear him over my own words and the pounding in my head.

I rush down the hall, away from his blue eyes and sulking figure. I’m so angry, angry with myself, at him, and storm into the poolroom. I hurl my bag at a tree in a fit of anger.

“What is this place? What. Is. This. Place!” I bury my face in my hands and cry.

“Hey.” A soft and sexy voice startles me. “You okay?”

Where did he come from? I feign cool and calculate my steps, as I back away—my feet tangle. He catches me and pulls me up. My cheeks warm instantly. “Ugh. Sorry.”

“You’re no ballerina.” His grin turns into a two-sided lip curl.

“Really now, superman? Did I ask for your help?”

He chuckles.

I collect myself and push away from his chest and his grip. “Hmm.”

Standing approximately six feet tall with dark, short hair and naturally bronzed skin, he extends his hand and says, “Name’s Danny Rodgers. Not superman. And you are?”

Beautiful. He’s beautiful. Not as beautiful as the blond. I stare and feel the heat move over my cheeks and reach my ears. “M-Morgan.” I pause to clear my throat. “Morgan Masters.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Morgan Masters.” He gives me a once over and scratches his chin.

His eyes are chocolaty kisses, easy on the eyes and my heart melts. But then I remember the mysterious blond and wonder if this Danny person knows him. Do I dare ask? No.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit late for the pool?” Danny interrupts my musing.

“Uh, no. Is it your business, what I do? Is it closed? Are you the pool warden or something?” My tone was all wrong, too brass. I need friends, not enemies.

His face hints nothing. “Hmm,” he mumbles and rubs his chin, brows furrowed.

“What?”

His eyebrows shift. “Huh. A warden. Nope. Not me. Do what you want. I’m just leaving anyway.” He smirks. “But be careful. You never know what lurks at the bottom of the pool, in the drain. If one isn’t careful, they could be snatched and sucked under never to surface again. You should probably pray that you won’t get sucked under, ’cause there won’t be anyone to pull you out.”

Why did he have to mention such a thing? Is he trying to scare me? Because it’s working.

“Do you know that between each air vent are little eyes hiding in the blackness?” He continues his taunting in a creepy voice. “They long to drag you down into the suction until you can no longer fight it and you belong to its darkness.”

“Why are you telling me this? You’re freaking me out and now you’re leaving. That. Is. So. Wrong!”

Danny lifts his arms in a stretching motion and yawns. “Yep. I’m tired, too tired to swim.” He sighs.

Jerk.

I hate that I suddenly want to beg him to stay, or that I might run out those doors after him. “Are you kidding? You’re too tired?”

“Uh-huh,” he mumbles.

“Whatever,” I spit through clenched teeth.

Danny grins ever so slightly and slowly takes a deep breath in and stretches several times.

What a puke. I turn away from him, shed my pullover, and

do a quick surveillance. Dim lighting. Plants and foliage blossoming out of gold and tan ceramic pots. Palm trees. Tall bar stools. Tables with tinted glass tops. A ceiling comprised of glass. The night sky visible by the stars twinkling in its darkness.

As I continue my observation, arms snake around me, whisk me up and we’re charging toward the pool.

“Put... put me down! N-now!” He ignores me and continues toward the pool. I wrap my arms around his neck and chest. “If I’m going in, I’m not going alone!”

The shock of the cold water slaps my skin. I release my hold on Danny, but he’s already pulling me to the surface.

I wipe the water from my eyes to clear the blur after he releases me. I can hear him chuckling behind me. The little creep is going to pay for this. In a quick stroke, I dip my arm under the water and drag it forward as I flip around. The waves I create splash Danny’s face, and we bust out in a water fight—neither of us willing to give up on our battle as we carry on.

“Race yah toward...” he glances down the long stretch of pool and points toward a metal ladder attached to the lip of the edge at midpoint, “... the exit.”

“You’re on!” I lurch forward and push hard and fast as I swim toward the finish line. It’s probably a no-win situation on my behalf, but I give it my best anyway.

Popping my head out of the water, I grab the metal arms, anchor my feet to the metal steps and pull myself partway out of the water. Elated, I chant, “I won!”

The winner in me dwindles when I see Danny sitting at the edge with his hands crossed over his chest. He gives me a dimpled smile and a single brow perks up as if he’s been waiting for hours.

I should really close my mouth and not give him the rise he’s getting out of me.

Punk!

“Nice try,” he muses.

“If you were any kind of gentleman, you’d have let me win.” I tip my nose up and fall back into the water.

Danny jumps up and dives toward me. Startled, I swim in the opposite direction and try to get away from him, knowing full well it’s wasted effort. Danny catches up to me in less than two strokes and grabs hold of my feet, yanking me back to him. Before I can protest, he’s already gripping my hips and hoisting me out of the water.

“Stoppp,” I screech as he tosses me up and forward. My stomach bottoms out, and I plunge back into the water.

Instead of popping to the surface, I play a little prank on Danny and stay under the water. I’m struggling to keep my face paralyzed while he approaches and peers down at me. His eyes get bigger, and his mouth drops open. Then he plunges down and yanks all but my legs out of the water.

“Crap! Morgan?” He gives me a little shake. I lie limp in his arms and struggle to keep from blinking. “Tell me you didn’t hit your head?” He grabs my chin, presses his thumb against my bottom lip and opens my mouth.

His lips are so close that I can feel his breath against mine and just as he’s about to do mouth-to-mouth, I give him my most devious grin and say, “Gotcha!”

Danny’s cheeks instantly turn crimson. He’s pissed.

I guess it was kind of a rotten trick, but I can’t take it back. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He drops me back into the water and turns his back to me. I’m ashamed for pulling such a poorly thought out prank until—

“You,” he shouts, and whips around, slapping huge waves of water my way. I lunge at him, but he’s already flipped around and diving into the water. My fingers catch the band of his swim trunks, but I don’t have a good enough grip. The sound of the wet band snapping his skin echoes and slows him down long enough for me to grab ahold again. As he attempts to leap forward, my grip tightens on the waistband, and his trunks come down.

Danny stops and stands up. I’ve let go of his shorts, but stare at his perfectly round butt until I get a glimpse of his shoulders vibrating. A deep bubble of laughter rolls out of his mouth. I’m quick to throw my hands over my mouth, but when he turns to face me, I realize I should have covered my eyes instead.

The ease I feel disappears and my breathing shallows, but not because he’s caught me. Something is happening. The bottom of the pool is vibrating below our feet, and it’s getting stronger.

The tremors create waves, waves that are swelling bigger by the second, and all I can think about is being swallowed up by the upsurge of water soaring toward us. I should be rushing to get out of here, but I’m stone still with fear and stare at Danny. His wide eyes send a chill through me as he rushes forward, grabs me and dashes toward the edge, tossing me out of the pool as if I weigh nothing. He climbs out, and we both stand there watching the current taper down until the surface is as smooth as glass.

“Whoa—what was that?” I whisper.

Silence.

I try again. “Danny, what was that?”

A smile tips his lips.

What the hell is he smiling for?

“I’m not sure, Morgan. It’s probably a small earthquake. I think we’re okay though. Whatever it was, it’s finished. No worries.” He claps his hands together.

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BOOM, boom, BOOM!

Danny and I both snap our head up at the sound of thunder. A purple zap of lightning zings across the glass ceiling and dissolves. The odd thing about it is there are no clouds; the dark sky is still clear and littered with stars. I might not know who I am or where I belong, but I’m certain I’ve never seen anything like it. I glance at Danny. He’s staring at me with wide eyes full of what? Worry?

Blurp. Blurp. Bllluuurrrppp... The gurgling sound of the pool has Danny and I racing toward the exit. Of course I’m huffing and puffing away while he’s not even working up a sweat. This is no workout for him, it’s just a warm up.

Once my breathing returns to normal, I say, “The gurgling—it was the drain. It would have sucked us under.”

“You think?”

“Yes,” I whisper, almost believing my own statement. I slowly press my head against the glass and stare at the pool. Danny stands beside me and does the same.

We silently gaze for a few minutes.

“Do you see it?”

“See what?”

“Those eyes poking out of the black holes in the drain.” Danny smirks.

“Yeah, I see them glowering and—”

“Figuring out how to lure us back in so they can suck us up?”

Bubbles float to the surface and pop, one by one, in the middle of the pool where the drain is located.

I catch a glimpse of Danny. He has a tight-lipped stoic expression.

Fear?

“Y-You okay?” I ask.

Danny turns to face me. “Mm—I think we better get out of here and head back to our homes for the night.”

Now I’m definitely afraid. My voice quivers. “Let’s go.”

The halls are chilly, so cold that I’ve grown a layer of chicken skin, and I’m a shivering, teeth chattering mess the entire walk back.

We arrive at Danny’s place, and I realize I still have a good stretch of halls to walk, wet and scared, before I’ll reach the comfort of my own bed.

And you’ll be alone!

“Come in for a while. Get dried off and warmed up.” Danny waves me in and closes the door behind me.

––––––––

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Through the splinters of glass, I see his face, the one who has this hold on me, on my soul and I know he holds the key to something I have yet to learn.

––––––––

STANDING IN DANNY’S LIVING ROOM WITH a wet towel wrapped around my waist, I feel uneasy. Going into this man’s living room, someone I met only hours ago, doesn’t sit well. Is this proper? Probably not. I won’t stay long. Maybe long enough to warm up and then I’ll be on my way.

I take in Danny’s place and it’s beautiful. Everything is trimmed and molded in cherry-wood. All of the doors and cabinets have golden knobs and handles. The furniture is burnt leather and extra-large, with a variety of lavish pillows lined along the couch and loveseat.

Eager to feel the texture of the couch, I’m about to plop down on it when Danny steps in front of me. “Warm tea?” He holds a piping hot cup just below my nose.

“Mm—okay.” The tea is soothing.

“C’mon. I’ll show you where the shower is. We can rinse off before I walk you back home,” he says.

Huh? Take a shower? Did he mean the two of us? Is he really asking me to take a shower with him? I can’t do that.

“Don’t worry, not together.” He shakes his head. “You can shower in the guest bath and I’ll shower in my room.”

I clamp my jaw shut.

Danny leads me down the hall to the guest bath. Glass walls surround the shower. The view through the full-length windows and arched glass ceiling gives an outdoorsy feel.

“Will this work?”

“Um. No.”

“No?”

“I don’t think it’s big enough. Not my style.” I give him a half wink, half smile.

He taps a finger against his lips. “Hmm.”

“Duh! I’m just kidding. Of course it’ll work.” I point toward the door. “Now get out.”

“Ewe. Little miss smarty pants. Enjoy.” Danny steps out and shuts the door. His voice is muffled as he talks against the door. “Shampoo, conditioner, and showering supplies are on the shower bench.”

“Okay.”

“Lotions and such are in the vanity.”

“Great. Thanks!”

“Towels are in—”

“Get out of here! Go take your own shower. Sheesh.”

I can hear him chuckling and the sound of his feet padding down the hall.

Shedding my wet suit and cover, I observe the enormity of my surroundings when a feathery chill glides across my shoulders. I rush into the shower and crank up the warm water.

I glance up toward the glass ceiling. The night sky is pitch black with a few stars, and a half-shaded moon clings to the shadows amongst the towering trees swaying back and forth. Funny how something so beautiful can shift with the wind. My heart jitters, my breathing hitches.

I’ve got to get out of here, and I rush to finish. I spill shampoo everywhere, creating a bubbly mess in the shower. Shadowy figures dance within the trees, and maybe it’s my imagination on overdrive, but I’m scared. Then, I feel it. A tingling sensation creeping down my spine. My heart skips a few beats, my lungs tighten.

Another sensation overtakes the first, but it’s different. A warm fuzziness fills me from head to toe and I can breathe again.

Until...

Something heavy presses against my back. I close my eyes. Please make it go away. Please.

Lighting cracks and thunder booms.

“Crap!” I rush to get out of the shower, retrieve some towels, and quickly dry off. I toss the towels on the ground, grab my stuff and dash into a better lit portion of the bathroom.

I don’t have any dry clothes. Oh well. I throw on my wet suit and pullover.

Danny’s still in his shower. I can hear the water spitting against the walls as I make my way down the hall. I stop to take a peek in his bedroom.

The sounds of tinkling water fade. I’m sneaking a peek at his enormous room. There’s a tall bed with big fluffy pillows and a plush comforter. I imagine diving into it—how good it would feel, if it were the blond man’s room, to fall asleep there.

“Boo!” Danny startles me. He’s grinning. I’m not sure if I’m more embarrassed by him catching me peeking in or because he’s standing in front of me with only a towel covering his waist, a muscled thigh poking through a slit in the towel.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to impose. I-I was just a little nervous all alone in that shower.” I bite my lower lip.

“Why? What’s there to be nervous about?”

What to say without sounding like a freak. “Well... I... well it was the wind and the trees.” I pause to catch my breath. “Then the thunder and lightning.” Okay, so I sound like a wimp.

Danny lifts his arm and places his palm against the wall. His lips thin into a straight line, his eyes fixed on mine. My hands are shaking and I have to break the stare. I flip around and head down the hall.

Without warning, I’m stumbling backward by way of Danny’s hands.

“Hey, now. What’s the rush? What are you afraid of?”

I glance over my shoulder.

Danny smiles big enough that I can see his perfectly white Chiclets for teeth and those plump, lips. I think of the blond man, the night he stood behind me at the meet and greet, the way he caught me staring at him later, his piercing blue eyes watching me, the terrible way I treated him. Ugh! I feel horrible. Why did I tear into him like that? I’m not a violent person; at least I don’t think I am. Disappointment shivers through me, dragging me down again. I need to get out of here.

Danny draws his hand to my face and runs his fingers delicately across my forehead, down the bridge of my nose, and then he traces my lips. His touch is soft and warm, causing my own lips to tingle when his breath licks them.

Morgan Masters. This isn’t your character. There’s that little nag. And yet it reminds me, I have no idea where, how, or who I am. I don’t know anything about me?

“We better get going if we plan on getting you back to your place,” Danny whispers and releases me.

There’s a sudden clatter, the sound of something shattering. Bewildered, we look down the hall toward the noise.

“What was that, Danny?”

He doesn’t respond verbally, but quickly grabs my hand.

While I’m attempting to figure out what’s happening, a strange awareness comes over me—an all too familiar feeling, the same one I experienced in the shower. This time, I look around until my eyes catch a hazy set of orbs that appear angry and critical.

The sensation dissipates along with the eyes when Danny yanks me forward.

“C’mon. We gotta go.” Danny’s voice cracks as he drags me down the hall, into the living room.

“Danny?” I already have a good sense that the eyes were tied to Danny and he knew what it was.

“Hang on, I’ve gotta put some shorts on,” he says as he nabs a pair of khaki’s, drops the towel and yanks them up.

We were side by side with only his towel covering him?

There’s a large cherry-wood picture frame on the floor with splintered glass all around it. I step toward it to take a closer look. The photo under the broken glass is a collage of pictures, mostly men in swim trunks at a beach. I notice one of Danny grouped with four other guys. But there’s someone else in that picture I can’t take my eyes away from.

My gosh. It’s him. And Danny knows him. I lean over to get a better look at the man with blond hair, the one I can’t stop thinking about. I kneel down and attempt to touch his face.

Danny grabs my arm. “Don’t touch it!” he says and pulls me to my feet.

“Why?”

“You’ll cut your fingers.” He smirks. “Let’s go.”

As we walk the silent halls, I think about Danny’s attitude, his sudden alarm, or anger, I’m not sure which.

“Is something wrong? Can you tell me what this is all about? What this place is, why I can’t remember a damn thing? Am I the only one? What’s wrong with me?”

“No. You’re fine. You ask too many questions. You’ll figure it out. I’m not the right person. I can’t give you any answers, but I imagine they’ll find you. It will all come together. That’s all I have to offer.”

“You’ve answered in riddles. Now I have a thousand more questions. Can’t you just—”

“Please, stop. Don’t ask me to clarify; I’m not at liberty to do so. Just know that it’s nothing you’ve done, okay?”

“Fine.” Why? Why does everyone speak in riddles? Why!

The remainder of our walk is silent. When we finally reach my front door, Danny flips me around and wraps me in a hug.

I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want to be alone, but I’m not brave enough to ask him to stay.

“Will I see you anytime soon, maybe later today or tonight?” I can’t believe I asked him that.

“Of course you will. You don’t think you’ll get away that easy, do you? I’m not that easy to get rid of.” He slips an envelope in my hand and gently kisses my cheek. My heart flutters at the gesture and before I can react, he’s disappearing down the long stretch of the hallway.

Sudden feelings of loneliness creep in. I like Danny, but I know I’m vulnerable, knowing nothing about my new surroundings.

I slip into my place and swing the door shut. The sound echoes in the hall. Oops. I shed my swimsuit and cover-up, leaving them on the floor and hop in bed.

Sleep never comes easy. My brain is on overload as I try to sort out the events of the last twelve hours.

Visuals of the nameless blond dance in my thoughts. What is it about him? Who is he? Why do I feel like he has this strong hold on me? Does he? Am I that susceptible? Then Danny—thinking about him makes me smile. I wonder how my night would have played out if I hadn’t met him. What if I met the handsome blond at the pool? I have to stop this insanity. After what happened in the hall, what I did to him, I doubt he’ll ever approach me again. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I’m so sorry. Forgive my horrible behavior.

I drift into the land of Z’s.

Eight hours later, I wake and roll out of bed. In the mirror, the person staring back at me has matted hair and flushed cheeks. She wonders if Danny’s up. And then I remember....

“The letter!” I turn every corner, every counter, and even tear my bed apart in search of the envelope. “Crap! What did I do with it? Think, Morgan. Think!”

––––––––

Someone wanders in. I’m face to face with him. He’s whispering something and his words are rough and heady with male dominance.

––––––––

YES! THE LETTER. THERE IT LIES, poking out from under my shirt. I imagine Danny only jotted down his name and number—something I might have done, but the envelope contains an invitation to a party. Written in gold letters, it reads:

You are cordially invited to a night filled

with fun and adventure!

There will be: A Formal dinner, appetizers and drinks.

And: Live music and dancing.

Dress Code: Formal attire for dinner and bring a

casual outfit for the rest!

When: July 25^th

Time: 6:30 p.m. until - whenever!

Place: Gala Ballroom

RSVP no later than July 20^th.

Attendance sheet posted in the Foyer.

Hope to see you there!

Just below the invitation, Danny scribbled the words: Be ready by six p.m. sharp! I will come get you and you can walk to the ballroom with me. Danny.

PS: In case you’re wondering what to wear, look in the closet in your room. There, you should find something to your liking. There’s a variety to choose from, along with dress shoes.

Oh, and please don’t look at me that way! I’m helping you out, in case you don’t remember. That’s all.

Danny.

My head floods with too many questions. Are the clothes and shoes mine, or did somebody else provide them? How did they get in? And why am I being invited to this special event? Does it really matter? I’ll make it a point to ask Danny later.

A rumbling stomach takes me to the kitchen, my mind deep in thought. I feel insecure, like I have no privacy. Are there little peep holes in the walls? Cameras in the light fixtures? I feel like I’m living another life, and maybe I’m not really myself.

Okay, that’s utterly insane, Morgan Masters. I shake my head. I’m putting too much energy and thought into this.

After satisfying my appetite, I head toward the nice big bathroom to bathe in the Jacuzzi. Once it’s full of water, I flip on the jets, shrug my robe, and climb in. The water is like music to my body, warm and soothing. Once I’ve done all the bathing duties, I lean back and drift into fantasyland. Images of what tonight might entail.

I see Danny and I dancing. His buff arms wrap around me and my chest presses against his—I’m staring at him as he looks down at me with his sexy brown eyes. He gives me a smile, a warm smile where his pearly whites sparkle through parted lips.

Someone wanders in. I’m face to face with him. The blond man. He’s whispering something, his words rough and heady with male dominance. His lips greet mine and he sucks my lower lip between his, grazes it with his teeth, slowly releasing it and dragging his mouth along my jaw, stopping at the shell of my ear to take in a husky breath.

My heart slams to a stop—I shoot up, instantly awake, water sloshing all around me—and rapidly fires up again.

“Who are you? Where are you?”

He’ll be there tonight. I hope.

Butterflies flutter in my stomach. Thinking about him scares me. He’s too good to be true. He’s the kind of guy a girl dreams about, but only the most elite ever have a chance to be with him. And here I racked him and pounded on him like a crazed woman. Proof I’m a mess.

I slap my hands into the bubbly water. I need to get out of the tub. To think about him drives me nuts, and I have a ball to get ready for.

And I try, I really do, but I can’t push the idea of him out of my head. Here I sit, brushing my hair, wondering if he’ll like my hair up or down. Does he like simple or fashionable?

There’s a wardrobe either belonging to me or has been given to me, and I wonder if I’ll like any of it.

Thumbing through the formal dresses, I’m in awe. Each of them is stunning and I’m having a hard time choosing.

“Oh! What’s this?” I spot a box wrapped in shiny foil paper with a big blue satin bow. It’s sitting on a shelf in the corner with my name in bold letters etched on a small envelope. I snatch it up.

Do I open it now? I decide against it and continue skimming the silky fabric, stopping at an ice blue dress. Pulling it from the hanger, I admire it and try it on. No need to look any further. I’m absolutely in love with this sensual garment. It fits perfectly. The back dips into a V, exposing my skin. The front is low, but not revealing, and it has lacey diamond shoulder straps. The length of the dress stops slightly above my knees with a small slit in the center. I feel amazing, and beautiful—maybe even beautiful enough for him.

My hair is in an up-do and I curl the small sections of hair springing from the front and sides. Then, to give it an extra fashionable look, I throw in some fancy hairpins with ice blue diamonds on the tips. They catch the light perfectly, adding a little more attention to my face.

Glancing in the mirror, I’m happy with the way my hair and makeup turn out. Add a coat of shiny lip-gloss and I’m good to go.

It’s time to open up the package sitting in the closet. I finger it, grab it, and then step back to sit on my bed. Neatly untying the bow, sliding my finger down the side to release the tape, I pull out the box and open it.

“Oh. My. Gosh. Wow. This. Is. Incredible. So beautiful! Whoever you are, if you’re watching me, thanks!”

There’s a generously sized silver necklace with a rectangular, aqua blue diamond. A set of matching earrings and a tennis bracelet accompany it. It’s exquisite and I’m certain I’ve never seen anything like it. I wear every piece and then spritz some sweet smelling perfume over every inch of me.

Danny will be here shortly, and I have fifteen minutes to kill. I’m so nervous my palms are sweaty. I ponder over what he’ll be wearing. Probably a tuxedo. Will he hold my hand? If he does, will it be all friendly or something more?

Dang. For all I know, Danny will probably wander off and leave me in my own little circle. The thought of standing or sitting alone makes me queasy and I quickly dismiss it.

The sound of a fist bangs on the front door, and I panic. Patting my chest, I will my heart to slow down before I collapse from sheer apprehension. Taking in a deep breath, I close my eyes, grab the handle, turn the knob slowly, and open the door.

I slam it shut and take a moment to gather my bearings.

A deep rumble floats from the other side as he chuckles and jiggles the doorknob. He opens the door.

––––––––

––––––––

He’s poison and he’s slowly seeping into my mind,

body, and soul.

––––––––

WOW. DANNY LOOKS AMAZING IN A black tux and white dress shirt. He didn’t wear a tie, and the first few buttons are undone. He didn’t forget to button them, obviously wanting to show off the thick silver chain with small rectangular diamonds all around it. Dangling on the end is a hologram; some sort of symbol. It’s stunning. And I find myself drawn to it... or maybe it’s his chest.

If I’m a sucker for anything, it’s a man who smells good, and Danny smells heavenly. I want to bury my nose in his neck, but I’m not bold enough.

He smiles and waves his fingers in front of my eyes. “Hello? Morgan? Are you there? Hello?”

Of course I see you. Moron! How can he not tell that I’m mesmerized by his appearance?

“You... well, you look amazing and you smell... you smell incredibly good. Sorry for the little distraction.”

A smirk creases the edges of his mouth and he rubs his chin. “Sorry? You just gave me the biggest compliment. Please, speak freely.”

“Wouldn’t want your head to get any bigger than it already is.” I throw him an equally teasing grin.

“Listen here, it’s not like you don’t have a big head yourself. I mean, come on. It’s obvious you’re absolutely stunning. Standing all tall in your pumps and a dress that is so damn beautiful on you. It brings out every bit of blue in those baby blue eyes of yours.” He runs his fingers along the nape of my neck, across the length of the silver chain, down the center, and stops at the aqua blue diamond. He’s staring into my eyes as he continues. “And look at the necklace. Wow.”

I wonder if he’s going to kiss me. My stomach is a twisted mess as he pulls me close to his chest. I don’t think I want him to kiss me, but he keeps drawing me closer. Why? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Kissing him. I stare at his chest and wonder what it would be like to touch his skin, unbutton the rest of his shirt.

“We better get going.” He steps back and grabs my hand. I feel the heat in my cheeks, ashamed and confused for thinking such thoughts. I’m sure he could have any woman he wants. Why would I be special? Am I that desperate for attention, that pathetic?

My self-doubt ends when he pulls me forward and leads me down the hall. As we approach a set of large weathered doors, I feel a tug. A moment of déjà vu? And I hold my breath, but why?

“What’s wrong?” I hear Danny’s voice, but it seems distant. He shakes me out of my trance and I inhale sharply, catching my breath. I can’t tell him I’m losing my mind or that I just had some weird moment, but I don’t remember what it was. He’ll think I’m on drugs or something.

I drop his hand. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”

“You were frozen in place, holding your breath. Do you really expect me to believe nothing is wrong?”

“Yes.” I stride forward, push through the doors and keep walking when Danny snatches my hand back and weaves our fingers together.

We’re silent as he leads the way to the Gala Ballroom. I can’t let myself think about the strange things happening to me. There’s nothing I can do, and whatever happens... happens. I’ll enjoy my time with Danny and not ruin the night with worry.

“We’re almost there, princess,” Danny says cheerfully and points toward a large set of white doors with gold handles.

I smile as I focus on the long stretch of glass accounting for most of the front side of the building.

We walk toward the entrance of the Ballroom, and Danny shakes my hand, but I ignore it. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch him eyeballing me, but refuse to acknowledge him.

He drops my hand, grabs my shoulder, and swings me around to face him. Standing directly in front of me, he presses his fingers against my chin and forces me to look at him.

“What’s wrong? And don’t tell me ‘nothing’ because that won’t fly.” He’s piercing a hole in my brain as he stares down at me. I can’t speak and I don’t want to, because if I do, I’ll have to speak over the lump forming in my throat. Why am I all mushy now? Ugh.

“Is it because I wouldn’t kiss you earlier? Because I pulled back and said we had to go?”

Wow. He’s high on himself; his confidence that I’d actually kiss him back is alarming. Would I have kissed him? I don’t answer him.

He huffs.

I ignore him.

“Morgan,” he shouts and gives me a little shake. “Please talk to me. If I was right about what I said, then I’m sorry. I’d do anything to be with you in that way, but you’re not mine to have. You don’t belong to me.” His mouth snaps shut, as if he’s suddenly said something wrong. But that’s not what irritates me. It’s the ridiculous way he presents himself, as if he’s some sort of god every woman cherishes. Please. It’s infuriating.

“What do you mean? Last time I checked, I didn’t belong to anyone. Am I missing something?”

He doesn’t answer.

I try again. “Well? Is there something I need to know? Because you seem overly confident about what you think I want.”

“I don’t know what I meant. It’s just that you may not know what you want. You’ll figure things out and realize I’m not the one for you.” He turns away, avoiding my confusion.

“I don’t know anyone here. Your statement has no merit. Unless there’s someone you’re interested in, or maybe it’s you who wants to explore your choices. Can’t we just have fun and not worry about anything—let whatever happens, happen?” I internally pat myself on the back for sounding so put together when I’m really not.

And then I remember the nameless face. Blondie. I thought a lot about him when I was soaking in the Jacuzzi. Yeah, I thought about Danny, too. Probably because I’ve spent some time with him and have some sense of who he is, sort of, unlike this other stranger.

Danny smiles at me in a way that tells me he’s satisfied with my response. He snatches my hand and squeezes it. I return the gesture. We continue to walk toward the entry.

My heart aches a little. I know I have some sort of attachment to Danny and maybe I do kind of want his attention.

The other man, the blue-eyed mystery, he’s poison and he’s slowly seeping into my mind, body and soul. I don’t like it. He’s pain in a bottle, not a magic potion, but to think about him is exciting. And motivating. Then I wonder if I’ll create any kind of conflict if he shows any interest in me. Will he draw me in or piss me off? After our dispute in the hall, I’m pretty sure he hates me. I’m the one who overreacted, put him down, clawed and kicked at him.

As we enter the Gala, I’m instantly distracted by the enormity and beauty of it. Many flowers and plants spill out of planters. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen so many beautiful flowers, not even in pictures, and they smell wonderful.

Danny tugs me forward. “Do you like it?”

“It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. It smells heavenly, and if I could see heaven, I think it would be something like this.” Textiles and wall candelabrums line the large room, emphasizing the low vintage chairs. It’s beautiful and impressive. Danny smiles and it reaches his eyes. He seems amused by my reaction.

When I finally feel comfortable with him, there’s a sickening interruption.

“Danny! Oh, Danny. Guess who?” She places her hands over his eyes. “I’ll give you a hint—It’s your favorite girl,” she squeals.

How rude of her. She knows I’m with him. She glares at me with obvious intent to make me jealous. It works.

“Hey, Melody. I’d know your voice anywhere, and even if you didn’t speak, I’d know by the feel of your hands.” Danny has a big smile on his face, the kind of smile that makes me wonder if he’s slept with her. She’s probably his type... beautiful, shoulder length blond hair, light brown eyes, a slender build and average height.

“Where’s your sidekick, Melody? Oh wait, here she comes. I figured she wouldn’t be too far from you.” He gives her a playful nudge.

“Whatever, Danny.”

I think I want to puke now. She talks like she’s sex on wheels or some kind of meal cart.

“And where is Ben, your sidekick? Did you two break up or something?” Melody laughs at her own clever comeback. Yeah, I’ll give her credit for that. I watch her. She flicks her hair back, bats her lashes at Danny, glances at me, and back to him. “Wait a minute. Did you replace Ben with her?”

I’d smack her sarcastic mouth if her sidekick hadn’t stepped up next to her.

“Kennedy,” Danny says and nods politely.

“Hey, baby.” Kennedy joins the display of Danny affection by draping her arm over his shoulder and leaning into him.

This time, I’m sure I just puked in my mouth.

Kennedy is a brunette with brown eyes. She’s a little curvier than her counterpart is. Not fat, just a little thicker. She turns her face into his neck and inhales sharply. “God, you smell yummy. Can I taste you?”

She tilts her head slightly, eyes on me, as she continues. “Do you remember when we met at the pool, Danny? How I tasted you then?”

“Shut up, Kennedy. What’s gotten into you?” He tries to push her away, but she won’t budge.

“What’s wrong, baby? Does it bother you to think of that night? Because you know you wanted it, but couldn’t follow through? Or was it because you felt threatened by Ben? You know, things could have happened for you and me, but you have some kind of hang up with Ben. You knew Melody was Ben’s girl and—”

“Get over yourself. Stop making excuses and see it for what it really is. You can’t handle rejection and that’s what really bothers you. Melody isn’t Ben’s girl, and I remember you hanging all over Ben, too,” Danny says, his tone angry and riddled with irritation.

“Oh, please. Don’t flatter yourself. You’re just making excuses because of your little friend here.” Kennedy waves a finger at me like I’m a nobody. “Just like you did with what’s her name, Andrea? Anna?”

“You know damn well her name isn’t Andrea or Anna—”

“Fine. Ashley or whatever. But we all know how that ended.” Kennedy raises her eyebrows, gives him pouty lips, and caresses his cheek.

This whole charade of hers is ridiculous, and she’s pissing me off. How dare they step in and ruin our night. I can’t stand here and listen to her whine to Danny and belittle me at the same time. I want to yell at her, but because I don’t have the guts, I interrupt the conversation.

“I’m going to the ladies room and then to the bar for a drink.”

“Don’t hurry back. No one will miss you,” Kennedy mumbles.

My cheeks are on fire. I’ve had it with this stupid, stupid girl. “Looks to me like you’re the one no one seems to miss, the one who gets rejected.” I flip my hair over my shoulder, spin on my heels and walk toward the powder room.

I hear her huff before she clicks her tongue. “Be careful. You don’t want to fall and get hurt!” Her tone is loud and threatening. I don’t do threats.

“You should probably worry more about yourself, Kennedy, because it looks like you’re the one who’s falling.” I stop, turn to face them and tap a finger against my lip. “Or is it failing? You’re so unimpressive with your needy words, which only prove you’re a loser.” And a skank.

“Who gets the last dig in this time, Kennedy,” Danny laughs.

Kennedy makes a tsking sound and says, “Whatever. I don’t think she’s funny. Do you, Melody?”

I can’t hear Melody’s reply. Either she didn’t say anything, or I’m out of earshot.

I’ve made it to the powder room filled with expensive décor. Heading toward the back, I pull out a fancy chair with gold legs and sink into it. A mirror covers the length of an entire wall where marble counters sit below. The lighting is dim and the surrounding walls are a dark cherry wood.

In the mirror, I compare my features to Kennedy and Melody. My skin is smooth and tan, almost glowing, and my eyes seem brighter and bluer against the dress. Kennedy has on a slinky black getup revealing what I assume she thinks is the greatest thing to man. She isn’t prettier than me and neither is Melody. Maybe that’s stuck up, and I don’t want to be high on myself, but it makes me feel better. They think they’re above me and every girl at the Ball, but I won’t let them walk all over me. If they only knew, knew how lost I really am, I’m certain they’d torture me.

An icy chill snakes up my back. I shake... and I feel a tugging sensation deep inside of me. A force pulling at my being. There’s a fleeting moment, a flicker of something... of memory?

I see a woman who’s running away from something, but what? Her long dark hair is blowing every which way, hiding her face.

A loud cracking sound behind the walls brings me back to the powder room; the woman dissolving into tiny pieces and blowing past me in a puff of warm air. I shiver in spite of the heat, and jump out of my seat, nearly tripping over my own two feet. I correct my footing and rush out the door. I hate it, this insecurity, this vulnerability. Funny how a vision can provoke a whole lot of fear.

The ballroom is standing room only. The bar to the right is packed, and all of the bar stools are accounted for; mainly male occupants perched on them.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch them gawking at me as I walk past. Some are more obvious with their comments.

“Can I take you home?”

“... buy you a drink?”

“You’re so—”

Laughter follows their comments along with smacking of hands. I’d love to roll my eyes right about now, but I continue walking, tuning them out.

I focus on finding Danny to see if the sharks are still drowning him. And wouldn’t you know it? There they are in all their fakeness traipsing around him. Why would I think they’d give up their little charade?

Melody’s back is toward me and she’s looking down. By her hand gestures, it looks like she’s talking to someone. Whoever it is, they’re kneeling. Only a head full of blond hair is visible.

Danny’s got this huge smile on his face, one that tells me he’s enjoying his time with Kennedy, now that I’m not around. My heart sinks and I no longer want to go over there. Is this all a big joke... me the target?

Kennedy’s arms are wrapped around him, her hands locked behind his neck, lips whispering against his ear. Danny’s eyes are half-mast and he shows no signs of distaste. She carries on by unlocking her hands, stroking her fingers through his hair, then tracing the outline of his jaw. And he still doesn’t stop her.

Do my eyes betray me? Am I really seeing this ridiculous show? I can’t handle it any longer. My gut continues to sink and I feel stupid, so I turn away and walk back toward the powder room, toward all the guys who were making their comments only minutes ago.

If they’re looking at me, I can’t tell. My head is buzzing with anger and confusion and I’m about to blow this place. I refuse to burst out in tears, but I feel them wetting the back of my eyes like a dam ready to explode. I walk faster and finally enter the empty room. Searching for a better spot that will give me some privacy if anyone should enter, I see a door, visible by the shiny doorknob. I pray it’s unlocked and it is. I step in and close it behind me. It’s another powder room with a couch in it. Plopping myself down, I sink into the cushions and deny the tears attempting escape. No, I won’t give Danny or anyone else the satisfaction of breaking me down.

Lying numb, I try to figure out why he’d do this to me, but there’s no reasonably good answer.

I give myself two choices. Sit here and sulk, or get out there and have some fun. The latter wins and even if it’s not possible, I can always pretend. I push myself up and exit the private room and step up to the long stretch of marble counter.

Taking one last look in the mirror, I touch up any flaws and inhale a breath of encouragement, then step out of the room.

I have no direct plan on how to approach the situation. How I’m going to deal with this, with Danny and Kennedy and this joke of a place. Well, whatever. Danny can put up his little front with her while I’m around. I’ve seen all I need to see to know that I’m definitely not attracted to him. What kind of person is he anyway? How can he bring me here if he knew it was Kennedy he wanted? Was I some kind of tool for him to make her jealous?

Music plays in the background and someone announces, “Welcome to the tenth annual Gala Ball.” My head is buzzing; all the voices blur together, and I haven’t had a lick of alcohol.

They carry on, and I see three of Danny scoping out the area, probably looking for me. I duck behind a tall guy standing to my left before Danny locks his eyes on me. My heart races and my head’s still spinning. When I look at the ground, it’s swirling. My legs are weak and I fear they’ll give out on me. What the hell is wrong with me?

Blackness surrounds me while little white dots of light dance on a hazy cloud. When my head finally clears and I’m no longer dizzy, I glance toward Danny. And that’s when I see him.

Before I can turn away, his orbs lock with mine. I’m dizzy all over again, and weak in the knees by the way he’s seducing me with his eyes. I can’t seem to shake him. It’s not because he has a black eye, which I’m sure I gave him, but it’s something else. Fear maybe? No. He captivates me, as if he has full control of my actions, and I know there’s no way of getting out of this. No kicking or clawing, no running away from him this time.

He’s so beautiful, just as Danny is, but maybe a little bit more. The moment is ruined when Melody glides up to him, draping an arm over his shoulder. He doesn’t bother to look at her; he keeps his eyes on me and sweeps her hand away.

She lays it on him again.

He grabs at it and pushes her away, as if she’s a cockroach, not once dropping his eyes from me. Melody follows his visual path and lands on me. Then Kennedy and Danny follow... and they’re all staring. At me. Great!

Danny’s expression: priceless. Is that a look of guilt I see? Good! He shifts his attentions to ‘Blondie’—Rosa’s nickname—and I can’t tell if it’s fear or shock I sense, but he punches Blondie in the bicep and whispers in his ear.

Finally, the man sets me free by breaking his stare and shifts his focus on Danny. I watch them talk, and look at me, and then back at each other. He whispers again, they smile, and their eyes lock on me as they begin to walk in my direction.

Oh no, what to do? Run? Will he trap me as he did last time? Will I have to fight to escape him? What is he? A stalker? It’s too late. They walk faster than I can think and now they’re standing before me.

Crap!

“Where’ve you been?” Danny asks.

“Does it matter? Mingling with the crowd. As if it’s any of your business. I’m an adult and you’re nothing but a pig.” I would have continued if Kennedy hadn’t trounced over and locked her arms around his neck. When he attempts to pry her off, I wonder why he bothers?

“You don’t have to put up a front around me,” I scoff and wave a finger at Danny while turning to face Kennedy. “I’m not attracted to him so you can drop your little charade here. Do what you want. Eat him all up. He’s nothing but a—” A what? “I don’t know what he is. Friend is too nice of a term for him.”

Kennedy’s head snaps so fast I fear she’ll start spitting pea soup at me. She appears as if she’s in absolute shock. No comments fall from her open mouth.

“I may not know everything, but I know this is just a game for you. You know, see who might fall for you, tease them a bit and then make a mockery of them. I don’t know. It’s just a guess, Danny. Only you know what you want and who you are.” I feel a little surge of pride when I catch the puzzled look on his face. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t see how I could be, after what I witnessed. My heart sinks a little. I thought he was my friend.

“Well then, are we all done here?” Blondie asks, glancing at me. “Danny, why don’t you introduce me to your friend here? I like her; she’s sassy.”

“Ben, Morgan. Morgan, Ben,” Danny snaps in a lowered voice, not once looking at me.

Ben grins deviously. Extending his hand, he nods. “Nice to finally meet you, Morgan.”

Finally meet me? Like you didn’t have the pleasure of taking me down in the hall? Sarcastic bastard.

I give him a knowing grin. “Pleasures mine.” I peer into his eyes. Big mistake. He can’t just look at me and look away; no, he has to engage me with a stare down. Again.

Danny breaks the spell by grabbing my arm and dragging me away. “C’mon, I want this dance with you.”

The Beautiful Ones by Prince, a song the lead singer of the band dedicates to everyone here, is just beginning to play. “Perfect timing,” I mutter.

Danny slips his arms around my waist and pulls me close. I hate you! His body feels odd, but he smells good. He proceeds to draw me closer and gently strokes my bare back. I want so badly to ask him what his problem is, but we’re interrupted.

“Move along, Mandy... Misty... or whatever your name is.” Kennedy pushes herself between us, butting me with her elbow. Danny doesn’t speaks up. He accepts Kennedy by slipping his arms around her waist.

There’s a tap on my shoulder. “May I?” Ben asks and without waiting for my answer, he wraps his arms around my waist, sweeping me away. This is the same guy I fought with, the one who scared me, but here I am letting him hold me. Yet I feel something this time. Fear? Passion? Excitement? Damn. I really am screwed up.

His grip is different, dominating, and it feels good. I can’t look at him, fearful he’ll take control of my mind. Or maybe it’s guilt for giving him a black eye.

After dancing for a few beats, Ben slides one of his hands along my side. I feel pinpricks of heat where his fingers press into my skin and I shiver. He proceeds to drag it slowly, seductively, over my ribs, above my chest, across my collarbone, and then softly, he cups it around my neck. Whatever his intention, he’s gaining favor with me. He continues by circling the pad of his thumb along my neck, my face, and under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

Do you want him... or do you want me? That’s the question I see as he stares into my eyes with great intensity. Can he communicate with me this way... send his thoughts directly to my head? And what is it about his touch, or the way he holds me that makes me believe he feels something for me? Like he’d protect me or kill anyone who’d dare to harm me?

Does he know how angry and upset I was over what transpired in the hall that night? That I now feel guilty? Did he see my childish behavior in the poolroom later?

“The answer is yes,” he replies knowingly. I gulp. “But only while I’m here looking into your eyes. I can’t see what you do, but I have an idea about how you feel... about everything. Not because I can read what’s inside your head, but I sense things about you by your expressions. No need to feel guilty,” he points to his black eye. “I came up behind you. Nice uppercut you have there. No really, there’s so much I can share with you, though here and now is not the time or place.”

––––––––

This isn’t the time. From the path you shall not stray, but within the boundaries of humans you shall stay. Such a beautiful one who cannot see, the likes of this place she one day will seek.

––––––––

THE GIRLS CONTINUE TO HOVER OVER Danny, giving me the evil stare down. Probably because Ben’s with me, paying no attention to them.

“Everyone, please take this time to change into something casual and comfortable. The real party begins in thirty minutes,” the D.J. announces.

I glare at Danny, wondering why he didn’t tell me to bring a casual outfit. “Well that’s just great.”

“Don’t worry... I’ve got you covered.” Danny smirks and reaches for my hand. Reluctantly, I give it to him. “You’ll have to follow me to the men’s room.”

“What, clothes for the party too? And the men’s room?”

Grinning, Danny shakes his head.

Ben leans over and whispers in my ear. “So, I’ll see you shortly?”

I turn my head slightly to catch the sight of Ben’s mouth, and I have an urge to kiss those heart shaped lips. “Of course,” I say a little too breathy and lift my gaze to catch the sparkles in his eyes. He knows he’s affecting me.

Danny and I walk toward a door in the opposite direction of the men’s room. Uncertain of our relationship, I find myself uncomfortable. I’m guessing he feels awkward too when he squeezes my hand a little too hard to be flirting. It’s as if we’ve broken up without ever having a commitment.

My heart skips a nervous beat. Where is he taking me? Why can’t it be Ben beside me? There’s something wonderful about him, other than his stark blue eyes and electrifying touch.

“Come here.” Danny tugs on my arm. “Come see your outfit and tell me if the size is accurate.” We walk into a space that looks centuries old, like a sitting room, but bigger. Digging through a closet, he pulls out a sack and hands it to me. I peek in and pull out a cute pair of blue jeans with crystal rhinestones lining the belt loops and pockets, and a matching belt to go with them. There’s a soft, coral blue shirt with a partially open back and straps that tie around my neck. It matches the jeans perfectly. The last thing I pull out is a pair of open toed sandals with diamond lace straps.

“Well, do you like it?” His eyebrows arch.

“I love all of it,” I squeal.

“I have a confession.”

“What?”

“I picked this outfit for you. I wanted you to have something awesome to wear and I wanted to get you something to show my gratitude.”

I can’t imagine what I could have possibly done to warrant any kind of gratitude. “Gratitude? For what?”

“For making me laugh and confiding in me at the pool.” A smile curves at the tip of his lips.

“Whoa. I’m the one who should be grateful here. All things considered, I was the one who threw a tantrum; you were the one who calmed me down.”

Danny chuckles. “We better get back before the watchdogs come looking for us.”

I want to ask him about Melody and Kennedy, but I don’t think he’ll give me a straight answer. I let it go. We head back to the ballroom.

Holy crap! I’m admiring my new outfit, feeling pretty sexy. It’s even better than the dress; not because I look better in one or the other, but I know where it came from.

After slipping my gown onto one of the hangers provided in the dressing room, I finish by touching up my hair. There were others changing, and amongst the crowd, I spot a familiar face. Rosa’s jumping up and down, waving at me with a huge smile on her face.

“Hello, pretty Morgan! You so gorgeous, as always. How you been? Do you like it... the party?” Rosa asks.

“Yes I do. Everyone is fantastic.” I fib a little. Everyone is fantastic excluding the two vultures, Melody and Kennedy... and Danny’s offbeat attitude.

“How about you, Rosa? How’re you getting along?”

“Oh, Rosa is so good. Rosa love it here, too, but Rosa have to go because boyfriend waits for me. He not real patient.” She sniggers and covers her lips as she heads toward the exit.

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” I say as I follow not too far behind.

Everyone has changed into their casual attire, and the real party is just beginning. I search around for Danny, wondering what outfit he’ll have on, but I don’t see him. Is he still in the dressing room? He’s probably with the two scavengers, so I look for them instead, but they’re MIA. And where is Ben? Did he ditch me too?

Music pulses through the speakers. The dance floor crowds quickly. A group of guys and gals step in front of me.

“You look like you need to have some fun. Want to join us?” A tall, African-American man asks as he holds out his hand.

Stay or go?

“Come on. You know you want to,” a woman with long corded braids steps forward and grabs my hand. “I’m Cheia, and this is Darnell, my boyfriend.”

I give the gorgeous couple a halfhearted smile. “Okay, I’ll go.”

They’ve got me centered between the four of them as we move to the... Electric Slide? I smile inwardly knowing I’ve just remembered something as simple as a song and dance. And then I vow not to waste time looking around for the jerks.

The possibility of them having their own little group, which excludes me, seems logical. Melody and Kennedy... Danny and Ben. I’d be a fifth wheel. Maybe Danny really wants Kennedy, and maybe Ben and Melody are partners, or vice versa. Though reasonable, the thought sickens me.

The crowd shifts and moves in the same direction. The slide is easy and everyone on the dance floor is having a ball, including me.

And then I spot him. Ben’s standing with a group of people, observing the crowd on the dance floor. He’s watching me, and I shoot a smile at him as I continue to dance. He winks at me and then smiles as he continues to stare.

The song finishes, but the crowd wants more, so the D.J. puts on another song for the line dancers. Trying to make my way off the floor, the group that adopted me snags me back.

“Oh, no. You can’t go now!” They all smile real big and I can’t walk away. After a quick glance back in Ben’s direction, I’m disappointed to learn he’s no longer there. A little searching and my eyes lock on a certain someone.

Well look who came back. Danny stands at a distance, and he has on a short sleeve, semi see through white cotton V neck. He looks beautiful and my heart sinks a little, but he’s ignoring me again, even though I’m positive he saw me. The two predators hang on either side of him. Killjoy!

What did I do wrong? Why does he hate me when they’re around?

While I hold a pity party for myself, someone taps my shoulder and I jump.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Ben says over the noisy crowd, and leans in to whisper in my ear. “Forget about him... about them, and have fun, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“The line is moving.” Ben tugs me to the left, in the same direction of the crowd.

Danny won’t ruin my night, not as long as I’m with Ben. He’s better company and I’m already having a blast. Throughout the evening, we’ve danced to slow songs, fast songs, and now he’s twirling me around. My stomach tickles. As the beat of the music picks up, he spins me faster. We laugh when I attempt to spin him too, but the effort is a waste. We look like idiots, but it doesn’t matter, we’re enjoying every bit of it.

Now that I’m all hot and sweaty, I want to take a break, but I don’t get a chance to sit down. Ben pulls me close to him as the next song plays. It’s a couple’s song, one that gets the mind thinking—my mind is definitely thinking—about Ben and not Danny. He’s all touchy feely, more of a romantic and I like that about him. Danny’s complicated, unsure of himself and what it is he wants.

Ben’s drawing me closer, his grip tightening. He’s staring into my eyes with great intensity, and for the first time, I notice he’s not just beautiful, he’s heart stopping gorgeous. He makes me nervous. I don’t want to get too attached. He’s heartbreak in a bottle, a risk I shouldn’t take.

I see Danny a few times with Kennedy. He smirks and walks off with her. I wonder why he bothered to get me this outfit if his only plan is to treat me so poorly.

Ben finally leads me off the dance floor. We head over to the bar and sit for a while.

He really doesn’t say much, but he has no problem staring at me.

I inhale a breath of courage and ask, “Why are you looking at me like that? What’s got your tongue?”

“I can’t help it. You’re beautiful and I want to absorb as much of you as I can, while you’re here, sitting with me.” His tone held mild apprehension.

“Thanks for the compliment, but I’m sure you see a lot of pretty girls who’d fall at your feet.”

Ben continues to stare, tapping his lips as we sit in silence. I turn away from him, my cheeks now on fire. I don’t know why, but I’m afraid of him, afraid of what my future might hold, but most of all, it’s the questions I have no answers to. How I ended up here, wherever here is, and why I have no recollection of who I was, or who I am. I have no choice but to deal with it, whether I like it or not.

“Ahem.” Ben clears his throat. “Things are slowing down. I don’t know about you, but I’m done dancing for the night.”

Is he checking out for the evening? “I’m with you. I mean—not with you with you, but I’m ready to call it a night.”

Ben gawps at me and then slides out of his seat. “I’ll be right back. There’s something I have to do, but it won’t take long. Don’t leave.” He rushes off and here I sit alone again.

Totally bored, I clasp my hands and play thumb wars.

Fifteen minutes later, Ben hasn’t returned. I scan the area for a familiar face. Nada.

Twenty-five minutes. How long does he expect me to wait? This is ridiculous!

Time continues to tick and people begin to migrate toward the front doors.

It’s been over thirty minutes, and I’m fuming to the point of tears. Shoving my chair back, I get up, grab my purse, kick the chair against the table and storm toward the back exit. There’s a sign on the doors: PROHIBITED. PLEASE USE THE EAST SIDE DOORS and a giant black arrow follows it.

Whatever. I exit anyway. There’s a loud whoosh and a bang as the door slams shut behind me.

Tears obscure my vision. I’m so angry and hurt that I want to scream. Scream at Danny for leading me on, scream at Ben for ditching me, and scream at this craziness I’ve been subjected to. Everything’s a lie, just like my life.

“I hate you both! You hear me, Danny? You hear me, Ben? I hate you both! I hate you, hate you, hate you!”

I’m sobbing so hard I’m gagging, and I have to stop walking to get a grip on my emotions. And then I realize I’m in unfamiliar territory. The Mansion is gone, all of it, including the Ballroom. There’s nothing but an empty dirt road littered with colorful leaves and empty fields surrounding it. The night sky is a purple haze visible only by a half moon.

What have I done? Can my life get any worse?

Panic takes over my precarious mind. It was hot and sultry when I stepped outside. Now it’s so cold my breaths look like little smoke rings. The wind picks up and creates a haunting scene as it whips through the trees and rustles the leaves. There are muffled voices all around me, yet far away. Or maybe my fear toys with my imagination.

The voices...

Cold fingers snake up my back. I swear there’s a hundred of them... and... and I can’t move, can’t scream, but I’m trembling and my legs are weak. My heart begins an erratic beat and my head is spinning, the world is spinning, and there’s a sudden pull. It tugs a little... and then a little more before I’m slammed on the ground.

I can feel it, feel it stealing my soul. Am I going to die tonight?!

There’s no one to protect me. I think of the pool, of Danny’s words about the drain, about it sucking me in and nobody would be there to save me. Can the ground suck me under—bury me alive?!

There’s an incredible pull from behind, so powerful it causes pain to shoot through my head, like a thousand tiny bolts of lightning. I see the bright white strike against the back of my eyes before blood red replaces it. The rest of my body screams in agony when my organs slam against my ribs, and snap back in place.

Total blackness surrounds me.

I see nothing.

Feel nothing.

Hear nothing.

Peaceful and quiet.

Nothingness is not peaceful.

Flickers of light pain my eyes and then it’s too bright.

Plagued with fluorescence isn’t enough. Plastic pieces surround my face and something forces air into my lungs, then sucks it back out—only to continue to repeat the process. Shadows hover over me, mumbling words I can’t understand. More shadows sneak in and they’re screaming foreign words and throwing my name into the mixture.

Finally, the chaos stops. The fluorescence is gone and the shadows disappear. Blackness ensues, but this time it’s quiet.

Something soft caresses my cheek. The familiar voice of a man whispers in my ear. “This isn’t the time. From the path you shall not stray, but within the boundaries of humans you shall stay. Such a beautiful one who cannot see, the likes of this place she one day will seek.”

A glimmer of light flickers above me. I see a man with oversized glasses hanging from the bridge of his nose and his hair is red, but before I can get a better look, blackness and silence curse me again as the man and his voice disappear.

My heart pounds rapidly and the swoosh-swoosh-swoosh thumps inside my ears. Flashes of purple flicker under my eyes before foggy images of purple rain beat down on purple leafless trees. There’s a familiarity about the place, something serene and yet frightening, but I’m not afraid.

The purple rain stops falling, the leafless trees crumble to ashes, and the purple haze fades into blackness.

My body begins to shake violently. There’s a suction-like force dragging me under, but I’m fighting to stay on the surface.

What is happening to me!

And then...

“Shh. You’re going to be okay,” a warm, sensual voice says while his big, strong arms slide under my limp body. Gentle and soft, firm and protective, he holds me close. I want to see who my angel is, but my eyes refuse to open.

––––––––

Like a bad omen, fever overtakes me and pushes away all good senses. In my misery, you’re there to take it all away, to comfort and protect me.

––––––––

MY HEAD FEELS LIKE BOMBS WENT off inside and my body aches.

It’s so hot in here.

Here doesn’t feel or smell like home. It smells strong, spicy, and male, a familiar flavor I can’t yet place.

Needing to know where I am, I attempt to open my eyes, but it’s a horrible struggle, like someone glued them closed. They’re dry, heavy, and they burn.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this miserable, or in so much pain. My attempt to get up has me moaning.

Needing help, I cry out, “Please,” but dry empty words are the only thing coming from my mouth. It makes me gag and cough violently. I feel like my chest is restricted. Between my gasping for air, I hear a muffled voice, a familiar voice I can’t pinpoint.

I want to get up and manage to roll to the edge of the bed, but end up falling. The force of my body hitting the ground takes my breath away and I’m out again.

The most powerful and potent smell burns my nose. Oof! Spirits of Ammonia! I’m trying to swat it away, but it won’t go, so I turn my head. The nasty odor is gone and replaced with a warm set of hands, one behind my neck, and the other placing a cool cloth on my forehead.

Oh, I like this.

It’s the angel that rescued me. I know because those same arms are now lifting me up and laying me on the bed. I don’t want him to leave. Don’t go! As if he’s heard me, the bed dips down beside me, next to my pillow, and I know he’s still here. Thank you, thank you!

Trying to summon up even the tiniest bit of energy, I manage to roll on my side. Through the blur of my eyes, I see his face, a familiar face I welcome. Ben. My angel. If only I could crawl up beside him, wrap my arms around him and beg him not to leave me alone.

I swear he can read my mind. He’s running his fingers through my hair, brushing it away from my face. Tears of pain and relief stream down my cheeks, burning like fire on my inflamed skin.

“Ben. Ben, please—”

He places two fingers over my lips. “It’s okay. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he says and then scoots down so we’re face to face.

“But—”

“Shh.”

“No. Please, don’t shush me. I’m so hot—please, please just cool me off. PLEASE?”

He touches my forehead. His warm smile disappears and he hops off the bed. “I’ll be right back... I need to call for someone.”

His words bring me back to the party, the time when he’d told me he’d be right back, but never returned.

He can’t leave me! Not again. Frantic, but silent words emerge from of my mouth. “No—no you won’t come back. Please don’t leave, Ben. Don’t leave me alone again.”

My eyelids are too heavy and they fall, leaving me to drift into the abyss of sleep.

I’m drifting here and there when faint sounds of Ben’s voice seep into my thoughts.

Soft hands brush my cheeks and my eyes flutter open.

“Hey you,” Ben says.

He came back this time. I crack a smile and open my eyes wider. That’s when I see her. I’m going to puke in my mouth as Kennedy’s orbs stare down at me. Is the physical pain not enough? Must I suffer the sight of her, too? I want to punch her tight-lipped smile and cause her physical harm. Too bad I’m in no shape to damage her and then get the hell out of this place.

She turns to talk with Ben. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I can take care of her. Now go.” She waves him toward the door.

Ben hesitates, but eventually walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Exhausted and angry, I turn toward Kennedy. “Haven’t you tortured me enough? What’s wrong with all of you people? Just get out and leave me alone. I’d rather die than listen to more of your—” My voice cuts out.

Kennedy’s tapping her foot and giving me the ‘whatever’ glare. “Okay, Morgan, you need my help right now and you’re not in a position to turn me down, so just shut up and listen. Don’t even try to interrupt because you need to hear me out.” She steps closer, next to me and lifts me out of the bed as she continues to babble.

I think I’m in shock over her strength, not that I’m a heavy weight, but it still shocks me to have another girl lift me up so easily.

Kennedy carries me into the bathroom. My only thought is how this bathroom is so similar to the one in Danny’s place, but maybe a little bit brighter. She plops me down on a lounge chair and I’m embarrassed over my lack of strength and coordination. Or maybe I just feel like a little kid that she’s forced to take care of. She fills the Jacuzzi, snags a packet of bath fizz out of her bag, and pours it into the Jacuzzi. The scent of lavender fills the air.

Oh, god! What is she doing? Kennedy’s taking off her clothes and I’m freaking out! That is until I see her swimsuit.

Whew!

Wait. What? She’s stripping me down. “Don’t worry, we’re both girls and you need to sit in cool water to bring down the fever. Ben couldn’t very well strip you down... so he asked me to come over and help.”

I want to shout, YES HE CAN! The thought of Ben stripping me down is a lot more exciting than having a girl do it, Kennedy to boot!

“It’s the least I could do after treating you so badly. Morgan, don’t take any of it to heart. We, being Melody and I, are just very protective of Ben and Danny. It’s not that we don’t like you; we’re just doing what we do best. Maybe it was wrong, but they’re like brothers to us. We love them like family so we have to watch out for them, as if they were—you know, our brothers.”

My ears hear no more after she says brothers. Am I hearing her correctly? Did she really say... brothers? Although I’m still confused by her statement, I can’t help but feel a little tickled. Part of me is still uneasy. So many things just don’t make sense.

Kennedy finishes stripping me down to my nothingness and lifts me up off of the lounge chair. “Jeez! You’re burning up, Morgan! You must be a hundred and thirty degrees,” she says as she manages to set me in the Jacuzzi; or more like drops me in the Jacuzzi. “Sorry, it was harder putting you down then picking you up.”

With my head still in a flurry, the temperature of the water feels like the Arctic Ocean against my feverish skin. Shaking uncontrollably, I’m sure I’d throw up if anything were in my stomach.

Kennedy washes and conditions my hair. It must be a chore with all the dirt and leaves caked into the mixture. She scrubs my skin and I know my legs are stubbly.

I feebly ask, “Can y-you... can you help s-shave m-my legs and armpits?”

She chuckles lightly. “Sure.”

I think she’s doing okay shaving the stubbles away.

I feel the fever beginning to spike again, my head getting fuzzy, misery settling into my bones.

Between uncontrollable shaking, and body aches, I feel myself fading. I’m losing sight and sound of Kennedy until she starts screaming.

“Ben! Ben, get in here. Now!” I’m startled awake and jump, sending water sloshing everywhere.

Why the hell is she yelling? I want her to stop. It’s killing my head. She’s yanking on me with her arms tucked under my armpits.

“Ben! Dang it! Get your butt in here and help me, now!”

Is she crazy? Asking him to help her? I’m freaking naked. NAKED!

If I hadn’t passed out before, I’m sure I had now.

And then I wake at the worst possible time.

Ben’s hands are under my arms and he’s pulling me up.

“Lift her legs and drape them over the edge,” he says to Kennedy. She obliges. He slides one arm behind my back, snakes it under my arm, then reaches his free arm under my knees. And just like that, he whisks me out of the tub effortlessly.

I’m painfully aware that I now lay limp and naked in his arms. I should probably be embarrassed, but I think the fever has my mind in the gutter because I’m sort of liking it.

This is so wrong of me, I know, but I can’t help it. I’m sick.

I lay my head against his chest. He’s so comforting, strong, and protective, and he’s carrying me into the bedroom. He gently lays me down on the bed.

Kennedy’s trying to put clothes on me, but I’m not letting her. My flesh is on fire and the feel of clothes on my skin hurts.

“Ben!” Kennedy whines. “What should I do? I can’t get any clothes on her.”

“Just let her be then. I’ll get a sheet to cover her.” I watch him leave, and then return. He’s leaning over me as he places a soft, cool sheet over my naked flesh. Then he lifts my head and makes me drink some orange liquid.

“Thanks for your help, Kennedy. I can take it from here. Just leave some shorts and a t-shirt on the bed. She can put them on when she’s ready,” Ben says.

“All right then, call me if you need anything else. I’ll stop by tomorrow if I don’t hear from you tonight.” Kennedy’s voice is fading as she walks out of the bedroom. “I’ll let the gang know what happened and hopefully she’ll be feeling better come morning.”

I think I passed out when Kennedy left. I wake and look around and see that I’m alone. My head isn’t fuzzy and the pounding is gone. I’m guessing that orange liquid Ben made me drink brought my fever down. I’m no longer burning, but still feel too warm to wear clothes. My mouth is so dry and my throat feels like I swallowed sand. I need a drink.

On the nightstand is a glass of water. I roll over and reach for it, but my fingers barely catch the edge of the glass. Making one last effort, I grab for the glass and in my graceful moves, it tips over, rolls off the table and shatters on the hardwood floor.

Great. Lovely. Wonderful!

And there he is rushing into the room and halts just before he steps on the glass. He lets out a sigh and drags his fingers through his blond hair. “I thought something happened to you,” he says. “Are you thirsty?”

I can feel the grit in the back of my throat when I say, “Yes, please.” Okay, maybe it’s not grit, but more of a lump I’m swallowing back as I try not to cry.

“I’ll be right back.” He leaves and then returns with a cup of ice water, and a mini vac to clean up the mess.

After Ben cleans up the glass, he sits next to me and grabs the cup of ice water he set on the table. He helps me sit up and the sheet that barely covers me drops. He’s got one arm behind my head when he attempts to grab the sheet with the other, but loses his grip. My head hits the headboard with a Thunk!

“Oh man, I’m sorry!” Ben says, his cheeks full of color.

“It’s okay. It didn’t hurt. Who cares about the sheet? I really need a drink of water,” I whisper.

Ben’s eyes sparkle and his brows arch. He helps me up, without the sheet and tips the glass against my lips.

So good! I want to suck it all up, but it’s cold. I’m still sucking it down when I feel the shock of cold water spill down my chest and I jump. Ben jumps too, and spills the rest of it in my lap.

“Crap!” He sets the glass down and attempts to lift the sheet, but drops it, knowing what’s underneath.

I can’t help but giggle.

He glances at me with big blue eyes. “I’m so—”

I put my hand over his and whisper in his ear, “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

He turns to look at me and smiles.

I smile back.

“Um... I think I’m going to go lay on the couch?” He sounds uncertain, as if he doesn’t really want to leave.

I give him my best sad face. I don’t want to be alone—I don’t want him to leave my side.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

I gesture with my finger for him to come closer.

He scoots up next to me and waits for my reply. I reach behind his neck and drag his ear next to my lips. I whisper, “Please don’t go. Stay in here, with me? I don’t want to be alone. You make me feel safe when you’re with me. Please?”

Ben leans back, and he’s got a single arched eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m positive. But I also need you to help me put on those shorts and t-shirt? I don’t have the strength to do it myself.”

I swear! I’ve never been this brave. Ever. Well, I’d like to think I know this.

“Um—okay.” Ben grabs the clothes and hesitantly removes the sheet. He’s kind of slow and my cheeks are heating up, knowing he’s trying not to look at my nakedness, but failing. I won’t interrupt him, even though I’m feeling a little nervous. I hope I don’t look too awful.

He slips the t-shirt over my head, then slides his arms behind my back and drags me down on the bed. His hand brushes my bottom, sending a network of goose bumps over my skin. And it’s not cold! He doesn’t say anything, but slowly moves his hand up a little further on my waist.

When Ben attempts to put the shorts on me, I give a little whimper and he stops.

“Does it hurt?” he asks. My legs are achy, but maybe I’m kind of sort of being over dramatic. Okay, so I really want to feel his hands on my skin, but I can’t tell him that.

“My legs are cramping.” I fib, but they do ache. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?!

“Let me massage them for you, maybe it will help with the cramping.” Ben offers and I readily agree, but first, I want to wash my mouth out. Just in case.

“Do you have any spare toothbrushes? I can’t go to sleep without brushing my teeth.”

“You’re in luck. I do have a few new ones. Do you want the massage first or do you want to brush your teeth and then the massage?” he asks, his eyes all perky.

“Brush my teeth first. I might fall asleep when you give me a massage.” I give him my best innocent smile.

“All right, let me go get you the toothbrush and toothpaste.” He disappears and quickly returns with a toothbrush, toothpaste, water and a bucket for me to spit in. Gosh, he’s so efficient.

Now that my teeth are clean, Ben helps me lay back on the pillows, and grabs some lotion. He sits down, but bolts back up to dim the lights.

Now I’m a little nervous. What have I got myself into?

“Do you mind if I shuck my jeans and work in my boxers?” he says in a low, dreamy voice.

Whoa!

“No, I don’t mind. But can you help put my underwear on? At least get them over my feet and maybe I can pull them up?” I smile and try not to show how nervous I am. He nods and then slips my panties over my feet. I reach for them and he bolts off the bed and goes into the bathroom. I struggle to get my panties up the rest of the way, but succeed.

Ben comes back in the room wearing only his boxers. The sight of him makes me tingle all over. He’s very muscular and tan. His body is perfect.

Ben sits down next to my legs. I’m in only panties and a t-shirt. What was I thinking? I should say something, but my voice freezes. He’s already smoothing the lotion on my thighs and pressing his fingers down.

It feels divine.

He works his way down to my feet and then rolls each foot between his hands. I almost fall asleep at his soothing touch, but his fingers are working toward my inner thighs and I have to bite my tongue to keep from moaning. He’s dragging them along the outer side, back down my thighs, and to the bottom of my feet. Again, he pulls his fingers along the inner sides of my thighs, and this time he isn’t so gentle. He’s pressing harder and rougher—I can hear his ragged breaths.

The feelings are too good and far from innocent. We shouldn’t be doing this, I know, but...

What would Danny think?

Why do I care? I don’t, but now I feel dirty, maybe even sleazy.

I don’t have the will power to stop Ben, and he doesn’t stop touching me. He’s moving his hands near private spots, but no further. He drags them along my sides, and pulls himself up next to me, as he traces the outline of my belly, and traces toward my chest. His hand is under my t-shirt, which he pretty much lifted with his arm, baring both of my breasts. He sits up and takes both hands, pulling my t-shirt over my head. He looks at my body and then back up at my face. His hand slides along my belly and continues toward my neck. He moves it under my jaw, and then lays his face down against mine, turns and parks his lips over mine. Pressing firmly, he opens my mouth by running his tongue between them, sending a wave of shiver through my body. I’m swimming with emotions and feelings. And then my head starts to pound.

Feelings of guilt and shame fill my thoughts, but I know I’ll feel worse if I don’t stop him. But how? How do you stop something that feels so incredibly good? I have to find a way. I shouldn’t be doing this. I hardly know him.

Like a bad omen, fever overtakes me and pushes away all good senses. My stomach knots up and acid burns the back of my throat.

“Ben... Ben, we have to stop. I’m gonna...”

He stops and rolls to my side. He’s staring at me and I feel bad.

“I’m sorry, it’s my fault, Ben. I shouldn’t have provoked you.”

“No, don’t blame yourself. It’s my fault. How could I take advantage of you like that? You’re ill and I shouldn’t have, but when I had to get you out of the tub, I couldn’t get the sight of you out of my head. So perfect, so delicate and your skin is so—”

My jerking motion hushes him. I heave. He jumps up and grabs a trashcan. Nothing comes up. Whatever water I drank earlier must have already been absorbed. When I no longer heave, he takes the trashcan out of the room.

When he returns, he leans on the door and says, “Do you still want me to stay in here with you—tonight?”

My voice crackles. “Of course. You make me feel safe.” Smiling over my answer, he strides over, hops into bed and curls up next to me. Though I don’t feel well, I feel safe with him by my side, and it’s easy to fall asleep knowing he won’t let anything happen to me.

––––––––

There’s something about him and while he bewilders me,

he’s also my hero, my strength to carry on.

––––––––

I’M NOT SURE HOW LONG I slept, a few hours, or maybe the rest of the night. It must be morning. A hint of light creeps through the curtains. Ben’s no longer by my side.

There’s voices in Ben’s living room. Someone’s angry. That someone is Danny. I wonder why and want to hear the argument. Pulling myself up is difficult. My arms shake under the weight of my upper body as I crawl to the edge of the bed.

Questions and accusations fly between them.

“Why didn’t you just take her home, Ben? Don’t you think that would’ve been logical?”

“Are you joking? You’re a fool if you think I should’ve taken her home. You see how ill she is and you stand here in front of me and say this? What kind of creep are you?”

“I’m not a creep. You should have taken her home and then called me. I could have taken care of her, but you just had to butt in, didn’t you?”

“Butt in? You’ve got to be kidding me! Who left her wide open at the Ball that night? What was that all about? Did you really think it was okay to turn your back on her? Don’t you dare accuse me of anything! In fact, you should be thanking me! Thanking me for taking care of her. She could have died had I not found her.”

“Ha! You call that taking care of her?” Danny asks. “Tell me then, what happened? If you took such good care of her, how did she end up in the shape she is now? How did she end up so far away? Really now, how can you ask me to thank you for that? A real man would have made sure she made it home safely!”

“Well damn! I guess that leaves us both out doesn’t it? Who went looking for her, huh? Did you go with me? No, I don’t think so.”

“Why did she leave in the first place? Last I saw of her, she was with you.”

“I. Went. To. Find. You!” Ben’s voice raises a couple of octaves. “You brought her to the party, remember? I needed to know if you were planning to take her back home. Thirty minutes later and no Danny around, I went back to where she and I sat, where I told her to wait for me. She wasn’t there. I wondered if maybe you ran into her and she left with you, after all. Then, I knew that not to be the case when I saw you sitting outside with Kennedy and Melody.”

“Why didn’t you just take her with you when you went searching for me? You could have saved yourself all the trouble.”

“Trouble? I’m sorry; I don’t feel like any of this has been trouble. She’s one of the best things that has come into our lives. And then you ditch her!”

“I had to ditch her. I didn’t want to get any closer to her. You know why, Ben. The closer either of us gets to her, the more it will suck when she’s pulled away from... well, you know very well what that was like for me.”

“Who stood with you Danny, when Ashley left? Who? Me, that’s who.”

It’s silent for a long while.

What is going on with them? Where do they think I’m going, and who is Ashley? Danny’s voice cuts through the silence. “She was next to go wasn’t she? They were pulling her back... but it’s too soon. We know what happened. Damn! I feel horrible about treating her the way I did. It was tearing me up inside. I had to tell myself I was doing the right thing. I don’t think I can go through what I went through again. But really, I think we both know who she belongs to, and it isn’t me. I knew it the first time our paths crossed. She needed a friend, maybe some attention, and I gave her that. She’s beautiful, charming even.”

Danny must have cried a little because I can hear him sniffling. Wow! What an earful. But I don’t understand half of the things they were saying. I think about Danny’s words. He didn’t want to hurt me and me to hurt him. Funny how I ended up getting my heart crushed! Okay, maybe I’m not totally crushed, but it still bothers me. And why does he relate this to something he experienced once before?

I shut off my thoughts at the sounds of footsteps approaching. I try to crawl back up on the bed, but I don’t have enough time so I flop down in the middle and quickly close my eyes as the bedroom door creaks open. Two sets of footsteps approach. Danny and Ben. I can feel them staring at me. One of them touches my damp forehead; I know his touch and it isn’t Ben. Darn.

“Why is she laying here in just a t-shirt and underwear? Where are her clothes?” Danny asks.

“Her clothes were muddy and she was burning up with fever, so I called Kennedy. She came over to help get her into a cool bath. Didn’t Kennedy tell you what was going on?”

“Well, she mentioned helping you with her, but she never gave details. I kind of lost it when Kennedy told me where you found her.”

“Ah. Well, Kennedy couldn’t get her out of the tub because Morgan passed out. She’d been doing that a lot. Her temp dropped but then spiked up again. I had to lift her out and lay her on the bed. Then she wouldn’t let Kennedy put any clothes on her. She was very irritable, so I went to grab a sheet and then covered her with it. She later woke and I was able to help her put something on—she did the bottom half herself though.”

Danny’s quiet. I wonder if he’s angry about Ben seeing my naked body.

“I have to leave for a little while. Do you want to stay here with her? I can call Kennedy if you can’t.”

“No, don’t call Kennedy. I’ll stay with her. Go ahead and go, Ben.”

More shock to my ears! Danny wants to stay with me. What do I do now? I’m not up for any more negativity from him. Really, I don’t want Ben to go.

After Ben leaves, Danny crawls on the bed next to me. I’m having a hard time pretending to be asleep; mostly because I’m damp with sweat and can’t stop shivering. Danny pulls the blanket over me and then gets up. I peek and catch the back of him as he walks out of the room. I quickly close my eye when he walks back in.

He’s dabbing my forehead with a dry towel, and then hesitates before drying my neck off. He runs the towel over me so lightly that it tickles. I can’t pretend to sleep any longer and giggle a little before I open my eyes. I jump at the sight of Danny’s face only a hair away from mine. He’s staring at me with such a straight face. This time, I don’t want him to kiss me.

“I’m sorry Morgan, I am so sorry for treating you the way I did. I can’t begin to explain to you why, but I am sorry.” A tear drops from his eye and lands on my cheek, then rolls down on my lips. He wipes it away with the towel.

“We can talk about it later. You will have some explaining to do because I don’t understand what I did to deserve the way I was dismissed by you.”

“Dismissed? Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?” He’s grinning down at me.

“No, I think it’s a perfect description. You were NOT in my position so you wouldn’t see it in the same way. Just don’t do again, Danny.”

“I won’t. I can’t explain it, but I had my reasons.”

“Well, whatever. I have to go to the bathroom.”

Pushing myself toward the edge of the bed causes me to break out in a sweat. This is crazy! How can I be this weak? Next, I anchor myself at the edge and drop my legs down. I manage to take three steps forward before my legs give out, and send me crashing to the ground, face first. My nose is bleeding. Great!

In a flash, Danny’s crouched down at my side. “Are you okay? Oh no, your nose!” He grabs Kleenex off the nightstand. After stuffing a piece in each nostril, he picks me up and carries me to the bathroom. “What do you want me to do now? You can’t... well you won’t be able to stand on your own, so tell me what I need to do?”

“Stand me by the toilet and don’t look while I pull down my panties. Then you can set me down, get out and shut the door. Oh yeah, turn the water on first.”

Danny looks at me, confusion in his eyes. “Turn the water on?”

“Yes, turn the water on. I don’t want you to hear me while I tinkle. It’s embarrassing.”

“I see. Okay then, let’s get this done.” He stands me up, and turns his head away from me. I struggle to get my arms down over his so I can pull my underwear down. And though I can’t get them all the way down, I have Danny set me on the toilet anyway.

“Turn on the water and then get out.”

After I finish my business, I call for Danny and he helps me up.

“Can you help me to the sink so I can wash my hands?”

“Sure,” he says and carries me over to the sink.

I wash my hands and make the mistake of looking in the mirror. My hair is tangled and my once tan skin is pale. “Wow, do I look stunning or what!”

Comfortably back in bed, I do my best to groom myself.

Approximately one hour later, Ben returns to find me sitting in the living room with Danny.

“I see someone finally managed to get out of bed and put some clothes on,” Ben says and winks at me.

“Very funny!” I’m so excited to see him.

“Looking pretty hot there, little lady. Love the hair.” He humors himself, and Danny laughs, but I’m not amused.

I cross my arms and give him my best scowl. “Well, since I’m not up to your standards, Ben, maybe the two of you could just give me a bath!” They look at me and then at each other, and bust out in laughter.

“What do you think, Danny? Shall we dunk her in the tub?” There’s too much enthusiasm in his voice.

“Let’s do it!”

They lock eyes on me and smile as if they’re about to take me up on my offer.

“Hey, just kidding guys, really, just kidding!” I plea, but they come for me, Danny grabbing my arms, Ben snagging my legs. They think they’re so funny as they cart me off toward the bathroom. I rest my head against Danny’s chest, and roll my eyes in disapproval at Ben.

Arriving in the bathroom, Ben let my legs down, moves toward the Jacuzzi and turns the water on full strength. Danny’s holding me, my legs dangling.

“Which one of you is going to take my clothes off? Oh wait! Why don’t you both split the job?” I say sarcastically.

Again, I have to put my foot in my mouth as Danny and Ben look at each other and start laughing. Danny walks me over to the Jacuzzi. I reach around his neck. “We’ve done this before, Danny. The pool? I go, you go?”

He grins at me and then whispers in my ear. “I remember very well.” He digs his chin into my neck so it tickles, knowing full well this will make me lose my grip. Ben grabs my legs and they drop me in the tub, fully clothed.

Fine! Let’s just see how they react as I take my clothes off... in front of them both! Laughing deviously, I slide my hands down, pull off my underwear, and fling them at Ben. I don’t bother to look at their reaction before I strip off my soaking wet t-shirt and throw it at them too. Then, I slide down in the clear water, soak my tangled hair, and watch them. Ha! They’re wet, and they have that look, the one that says I can’t believe she just did that! They don’t know this, but they’re about to get soaked. I pop out of the water and swipe it with my arm, sending a wave of H2O at them boys.

“You so didn’t do that!” Ben says as he shakes his wet hair.

“Okay kids, I need someone to go and get me some clothes. My clothes. Who’s the lucky candidate?”

They glance at each other. Ben says, “Danny, you should go because you know where she lives. It won’t take as long. But then again we could just let her walk around naked?” He looks over his shoulder and smirks.

“What difference would that make, Ben? You’ve already seen my naked body and Danny has seen me close to naked. Let’s all walk around naked, like one, big family!”

“Uh, I’ll go,” Danny says with a hint of bitterness in his tone.

Oh well. I think he’s mad that Ben saw me in my birthday suit, but hey, Ben took care of me. I want Danny to be gone for a while.

“Hey, can you make sure to bring me some clean underwear, a pair of sweat pants... preferably my black ones, my white long sleeve t-shirt and a black jacket? Oh, and my toothbrush, toothpaste, hair stuff and I guess that will do. Oh, and my tennis shoes too.”

“Anything else?” he asks in a way that tells me he’ll make me regret this.

“No, I think that will do, unless you want to bring me something to eat?”

“I’m sure Ben can accommodate that request.” He glares at Ben.

“No problem, whatever you want, I’ll make for you.” Ben gives me a warm smile, one that makes me melt. His smile compliments his dreamy eyes and beautiful face. I have to admit that I have a soft spot for him, maybe even more than that, feelings.

“Leave me be, so I can finish my bath.” I wave them toward the door.

They exit and I can hear them mumble as they walk down the hall, leaving me to bathe.

After I’m clean, I fill the tub with bubbles. There’s a knock on the door and then the velvety sound of Ben’s voice follows.

“Can I come in, I promise not to look.”

The Jacuzzi is full of bubbles, hiding my naked flesh so I reply, “Come on in.”

Ben slips in with some kind of fruity drink in his hand.

“You can open your eyes. I’m hidden in a tub full of bubbles.”

He opens his eyes and they light up at the sight of me surrounded in heaps of foam. “Here, drink this while you bathe. It will help bring back some of your energy and give you some strength. It’s packed with nutritional stuff and tastes good.” He sets it down on the corner of the tub, winks and smiles at me, making my heart melt again, and then he leaves the room.

The drink is a reddish pink color and looks yummy. I snatch it and sip on it. It tastes like strawberries and bananas mostly, with a hint of vitamin. It doesn’t take long for me to empty the cup.

“Wow!” I feel a sudden burst of energy. In fact, I feel so good that I’m pretty sure I have enough strength to get out of the tub on my own. And so I do, but my legs are a bit shaky. I grab the two towels sitting on the counter and wrap one around my head and dry off with the other.

Hanging on the door is a baby blue robe, belonging to Ben of course. I wonder if he’d mind if I borrow it until Danny arrives with my clothes. I pluck it off the door and press it against my nose. It smells awesomely like Ben, his scent all over it and I slide into it. OMG. It’s so soft and feels like gold against my skin. I can’t help but think of Ben and pretend I’m... well, Mrs. Ben! It’s a nice thought, but one that’s interrupted by Ben knocking on the door, which isn’t shut all the way!

He peeks in to catch me standing there, admiring his robe. I’m totally embarrassed.

“Well look at you. Up on your feet and—do you like my robe? It looks good on you,” Ben says, and it tickles my tummy when he flashes his megawatt smile.

“Sorry, the robe looked so inviting and comfortable. I meant to ask you first, but temptation rules.” I try to weasel my way out of it.

“Well, we’ll just have to figure out what to put on you. There’s some trouble and Danny won’t be back for a while.”

“What do you mean trouble? What kind of trouble? Is he okay? Talk to me, Ben.”

“Let’s get some clothes on you first, unless you want to walk around in my robe all evening. I was thinking we could eat out on the balcony and later we could sit on the top of the building and chat. Not sure you should wear a robe up there though; might get a little chilly.” He looks at me with hopeful eyes.

“All right. Let’s see what you’ll pick out for me. Do you have a hair dryer and a brush?” I don’t want my hair to get tangled again.

“Yep, I have both in the cabinet over there.”

Ben directs me to the necessary supplies to finish grooming. I stay in his robe while I dry my hair and then brush my teeth. For once, I feel halfway normal. Ben says I’ve been here, at his place, for four days. Tonight is number four, if I stay again.

Snooping through some of the cabinets in search of lotion, I come across some lotions and sprays that are obviously for a woman. There’s a heavy layer of dust covering them. I wonder who they belong to and how long they’ve been in this cabinet. Removing the cap to the ‘mango melon-raspberry mint’ lotion, I take a whiff. Hmm. It still smells good, so I rinse the bottle under warm water to rid the layer of dust. Then I slather it on my skin and replace the cap.

Standing at the mirror, I stare at my reflection. Not bad for having no makeup or any of my own belongings.

That drink Ben gave me did wonders for me. Whatever it was, it was good.

A chill snakes up my back and I tremble. That pulling sensation is back, the one that brought me down in the field. I pull away and tear out of the bathroom, falling over the rug on my way out.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ben reaches down and lifts me to my feet. I can’t stop shivering. He wraps me in his arms and presses his nose into my neck, obviously sniffing my skin. He startles me when he pushes me back. I can’t decipher the look on his face, but it’s definitely not comforting. I tense up over the change in his behavior and wonder if maybe I shouldn’t have used the lotion. Even though he didn’t say anything about it, I can tell he’s not happy with me for getting into his belongings.

“There’s an outfit on my bed. Come out when you’re done,” he says and walks out.

Ben left me a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I stick my head out the door. “Hey, Ben, I don’t have any underwear.”

He laughs and says, “Guess you’ll have to go commando, or wear a pair of my boxers.”

Yeah, his boxers fall right off my hips. Great! Commando it is. The sweats are big too, but I’m able to keep them up by pulling the drawstrings super tight. Thank gosh my bra is clean and dry. Without it, the cool air would certainly have me nipping out.

And then I wonder why Ben seemed angry when he smelled the lotion I had put on. I know it bothered him, but why? I recall the conversation he’d had with Danny this morning, when they were talking about Ashley. I’m guessing the lotion is hers, and I wonder who she is and what happened to her.

There’s so much confusion about Ben, and I need answers. I need to know more about this man who found me and took care of me in my time of need. I need there to be no more confusion.

––––––––

––––––––

When he slowly and delicately kisses behind my ear, along my jaw, and down my neck, I swear I’ve died and gone to heaven.

––––––––

AFTER I FINISH DRESSING, I STEP into Ben’s living room. He’s in the kitchen cooking up something yummy. I can smell spicy deliciousness wafting in the air and my mouth is watering. Badly. I skip around the corner to sneak a peek at what the chef’s preparing.

Stepping in from the patio, spatula in hand, he spots my peeking eye. “Hey! You can’t come in until dinner’s finished. Only the cook is allowed in here,” he says as he points the spatula at me, nodding for me to leave.

While I wait for the cook to finish making dinner, I snoop around in the living room. Ben has a big entertainment center with built in bookshelves. On the shelves are pictures, some group photos of Ben, Danny, Melody and Kennedy. One specific photo captures my attention. Ben and a girl with long brown hair are smiling, Ben’s arm is wrapped around her waist. They’re a little too close to be friends. I assume she was a girlfriend and then panic at the possibility that she still is! But I haven’t seen her yet. Anywhere.

“Done!” Ben startles me. He grins as he reaches for my arm and escorts me out to balcony. “Let’s eat.”

It’s beautiful out here, though I’m not fond of the height between the balcony and the ground. It’s a long way down.

Ben pulls my chair out and pushes it back in after I sit. A plate with grilled steak, asparagus with hollandaise drizzled over the top, sits in perfect order.

Yum!

“Wow. That was delicious. Thank you.” I give him a wink and help clean up.

“I enjoyed cooking and having your company.” A smirk crimps the edges of Ben’s mouth.

After we finish, we step back out on the terrace. I really want to ask Ben about the pictures, but I’m not sure he’ll answer.

“C’mon.” Ben grabs my hand and points toward the setting sun. “Let’s go up on the rooftop and watch it. The view is much better.”

Higher up? Fantastic! Ugh.

“Um, okay.” I guess I don’t have a choice. Ben’s already tugging me forward, toward his room? He leads me into a very large walk-in closet toward a wall filled with shelves full of shoes and gives it a push. Behind the wall is trap door with a stairway leading us up to the roof. We step out and there’s a big fluffy pad, a large rolled pillow, and a big blanket tossed on top. An iron railing travels around the outer surface of the rooftop.

Ben nudges me. “Do you like it so far?”

“I love it. It’s beautiful up here.”

He reaches for my hand and drags me toward the railing. My knees feel rubbery the closer we get. And then I make the mistake of looking down... all the way down, and pull back a little.

“Are you afraid of heights?”

“Yeah. We’re too close to the edge.” I point to the pad and rolled up pillow. “Can we please go back over there?”

Ben wraps his arms around my waist and let’s just say I’m a little jumpy, until his lips brush my ear and he whispers, “Don’t worry. I’d never let you fall.”

The warmth of his breath against my neck sends a rush of tingles throughout my body, my heart fluttering. I’m tempted to reach my hands up and clasp them around his neck, but I’m not that bold.

He sighs and I can tell he’s moved away from my neck, but his grip around my waist doesn’t cease. “Look,” he says as he raises a hand and points toward the western sky. “Observe all of the colors.”

Purple, pink, and golden rays streak across the horizon. It’s picturesque, but my eyes are trained on the thick mass of trees down below. I can’t tell how far they go; they seem endless. Observing the beauty, I see a path between breaks in the trees and I swear, something’s moving down there.

“Hmm,” I mumble.

“You okay?”

“What’s over there? It looks like a stairway.”

Ben plants his chin on my shoulder and follows my finger as I point in the vicinity of the stairway. He continues to stare, but doesn’t speak. I turn a little in his arms to observe his features. His skin pales, as if he’s seen a ghost, or he’s afraid. But why?

“Where does it go?” I whisper.

Silence.

“Ben, what is it? Are you afraid of something? Why won’t you answer me?”

Finally, he says, “No one ever ventures there. Some say the stairway leads to a place you never want to go. Others say that anyone who wanders down its path never comes back. They disappear. It’s also been said that everyone here came via the stairway, and you return back to them to lead you back to wherever you once belonged. All I know is that no one wants to tempt whatever fate lies beyond the path. It’s forbidden territory.” He shudders after that last statement.

I question him no further, only continue to examine the area, attempting to remember key points and trace it back to this mansion.

Endless flowerbeds surround the facility and stretch far and wide, a striking scene, no matter what the story.

The evening sky dims while stars scatter and sprinkle their light throughout the night.

We’ve moved away from the railing and now lie on the padding, resting our heads on the rolled pillow. Neither of us says much. We only gaze at the stars. I’m thinking about asking some questions when Ben beats me to the punch.

“I know you want answers, and you can ask anything, but I can’t promise to answer them all.”

This is my chance and I guess I’m tongue tied at the moment. I think of the one question that’s been rolling around in my head. “There’s a picture in your living room. Who’s the girl with you?” I don’t look at him, only stare into space.

He doesn’t respond.

I wait patiently.

He still doesn’t answer.

Ben’s silence is eating at me.

Finally, he clears his throat. “Her name is Ashley. She was my girlfriend for a while.”

I shift slightly and see the deep line in his forehead, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Is that her stuff in your bathroom, the lotions, and sprays in the cabinet?”

“Yeah. It was hard smelling them on you because it reminded me of her. I mean, I don’t want you to feel bad and I know you wouldn’t smell too good wearing my cologne. It was just weird, and I should get rid of them. I doubt she’ll be coming back for anything.” Bitterness rings clear in his tone.

And then I wonder, did she enter the forest, the forbidden territory? I’m also selfishly wondering if he loved her, or still loves her. The thought makes me ill.

I want more answers. “Did she walk the stairways? Her name is Ashley? Is she the same Ashley you and Danny were talking about earlier?” I stop throwing questions at him when I see him jack his face up in disapproval.

“Yes, she’s the Ashley Danny and I talked about earlier. I thought you were sleeping. How’d you know we were talking about her?” He cocks his head and his jaw tightens.

He’s looking at me in a way that tells me I’m not going to weasel my way out of this one. “I was sleeping, but woke when I heard arguing. I tried to get up, but didn’t have the energy, so I crawled to the end of the bed.”

“And eavesdropped. What else did you hear?” Ben’s jaw is twitching.

Wow. He’s mad. “Nothing, really. Everything was kind of muffled. It sounded like you two were arguing about something and then I couldn’t hear much, not until Danny said something about Ashley. He was talking about you, about her, and then something about willing to go through that again, and losing her.” I’m not repeating everything.

“Yeah, well, Danny knows I don’t like to talk about what happened with Ashley.”

“Sometimes the things we hate talking about hurts, but sometimes it’s good to talk about it, express your feelings without worrying about being less of a man. If you hold things in, you’ll never really heal. All the pain I’m guessing you went through, and the loss doesn’t let go until you release it.” I probably should have kept my mouth shut. Too late.

I’m watching Ben, but his eyes are fixed on the sky.

We lay in silence and the longer the silence drones on, the more I want to leave. He makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. I want to roll away from him and cry. It brings back memories. The night of the ball, specifically, and how I felt when Danny treated me as if I didn’t exist.

Ben left me too! Right, how could I possibly forget? All these thoughts are making me mad. Then I wonder, did Ben think I’d forget about that night? Why am I here? Who do they think they are? I’m not their toy! Is this some kind of a sick game they play? Worse yet, how did I get so sick? I was out of it for so long, who knows what might have happened to me. Another sickening thought crosses my mind. It’s the most logical question of all. Did they drug me?

I’m fuming. How can Ben lay there and give me the silent treatment? He has no right to be angry with me. I can’t handle it, the racing thoughts, and the rage building inside of me. Maybe the drugs are wearing off.

Oh, god. What really happened to Ashley? Did Ben and Danny mess with her head too? I think they did! I need to get out of here. Now.

I move from lying to sitting, glance at Ben’s blank face, and push myself up. Of course, now he reacts by turning a questioning eye on me.

“What are you doing?” he asks, doubt filling his blue orbs. I freeze.

“Um... just going to the bathroom,” I mutter, knowing I’m fibbing and determined to escape.

“Ah. Well, I’ll be here waiting for your return.” He gives me a warm smile, one that makes me feel guilty. I attempt to smile back, and then escape down the trap and descend the steps.

Making a quick trip to the bathroom isn’t a bad idea, so before I leave, I make a stop. Upon my exit, I step into the living room and glance at the photo of Ben and Ashley. I wonder what really happened to her. I know deep down that Ben wouldn’t play any kind of game, or hurt her. A picture is worth a thousand words. This picture says it all. Ben loved her. It makes me sad and jealous because in some sort of weird way, I wish he felt the same way about me.

Is leaving going to solve all my problems, answer all my questions? Didn’t I just tell Ben that holding things in isn’t good? The circumstances are different, right? Or maybe I’m just a hypocrite.

“Morgan? Are you coming back out here?” Ben calls.

I pause and flip around. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

Okay, so maybe I’m a chicken and I don’t really want to be alone.

Ben’s sitting and watching me as I approach. I’m careful not to sit too close, and I avoid eye contact as much as possible. I’m still bitter over his previous silence and I won’t be the one to break the ice.

Staring at the trees and the stairway tucked between them, I’m doing my best to think of something, anything to keep avoiding Ben’s glare. It’s too flipping dark and my eyes are watery from straining, so I drop my head between my knees already tucked against my chest. I’m so damn tired and emotional, I feel like I could burst at any moment, and that’s the last thing I want to do in front of Ben.

My senses are in fine tune, and I’m aware of Ben as he closes the distance between us. He slides an arm over my shoulders and I flinch, but refuse to acknowledge.

Ben jerks my shoulder with his hand, but I’m stiff in my position. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks.

Silence.

How do you like it, Ben?

“Morgan, c’mon now, tell me what’s wrong? Did I say or do something to offend you?” He gives me a little shake, and when that doesn’t work, he parks himself in front of me, leaving me no choice but to face him.

Ugh! He’s harder to ignore when he sits directly in front of me, butting his face in my personal space. I’m going to have to answer him.

My voice cracks a little, and the emotional part of my brain kicks in. Why now? Please, don’t let me cry! The tears escape anyway and refuse to stop.

Ben won’t settle for silence, now that I’ve made it painfully obvious something is wrong.

“Morgan, what’s wrong? Is it something I did? I’m sorry if I didn’t say anything earlier, but you brought up a sore subject for me. You’re right about letting out ones feelings, but I wasn’t quite ready yet. Please, talk to me,” he pleads.

The more Ben implores the more upset I get. In an angry moment of tears, I think about the night of the Ball and it sets me off.

“I don’t understand! I don’t understand you, and I don’t understand Danny. What is wrong with you two, huh? Tell me why you both think it’s okay to toy with my emotions. Answer that for me, okay? C’mon, answer me, Ben! I want—”

“What are you talking about? I can’t answer for Danny, but I don’t know what you mean. What did I do?”

Of course, he doesn’t know what he did. Please.

“What did you do? Let me refresh your brain. It all starts the night I go to the Ball with Danny. Why did he even take me when all he did was humiliate me? He left me alone while they hung all over him, purposely degrading me and laughing. Worse yet, he let them. I thought he was my friend, and stupidly enough, I thought maybe he liked me. Boy, am I dumb!”

“No, you’re—” Ben interjects, but I’m not done.

“Then you come along, all cute and nice, asking Danny to introduce you to me. You take me along and pay attention to me, and I was feeling better about that. You dance with me, then we slow dance, you pulling me into your scheme and messing with my emotions.”

“Shh.” Ben places a finger against my lips, but I slap it away.

“Let me finish! I remember seeing you before and there was something about you I knew, but I didn’t know what. I thought... well, then I met Danny. He grew on me, until he crushed me. Then you; you treated me the way I expected Danny to. You were the beautiful one, so beautiful in every way—or so I thought.” The tears are gushing down my face and I’m sobbing. “You left me. You said you’d be right back. Fifteen minutes went by. Then twenty minutes, thirty minutes and nothing. You didn’t come back, so I left.” I pause to catch my breath. “I’m so stupid. Stupid to think...” I can’t stop gasping. I feel dumb, and used.

Ben’s caressing my shoulders and I know he wants me to look at him, but I can’t.

“No, you’re not stupid. You have it all—”

“Don’t! Don’t say things you don’t mean. I hate it. HATE it. You should have left me there, wherever that place was. I’m tired. I’m confused. And I don’t need you or Danny. I just want to go home.” I let out an exasperated sigh, and if I wasn’t exhausted, I’d get up and run away from him, from here, from myself.

Ben moves in and drags my bent knees, my left leg over his right, my right over his left. His arms circle my hips and before I can protest, he’s got me molded against his chest. Instinctually, I wrap my arms around his waist and fist his t-shirt. My face is buried in his chest and I inhale him in, the spicy, clean scent that is Ben. He’s raking his fingers through my hair as I continue my emotional outpour.

In almost a whisper, Ben says, “You have it all wrong. You have me all wrong. I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am for leaving you alone. I should have taken you with me, but know this. I had no intentions of leaving you the way you think I did. I came back for you, but you were already gone. I only left to see what Danny’s plans were. That’s all. Believe me, I wasn’t ready to end our night. Not like that.”

Ben’s rubbing little circles down my back as he continues. “You know, that first time I saw you, the night of the Meet and Greet, you took my breath away. So beautiful. And then you deliberately ignored me, took off even.”

I can’t help it; I give a little chuckle when I think about my great escape.

“Not funny. Danny rubbed that in my face all night! So, what do you have to say about that?” He cups his hands against my cheeks and raises my head. I’m forced to see him through wet lashes and a tearstained face.

His smile reaches his eyes when he says, “I think you have some explaining to do,” and then he lets out a hearty chuckle before pressing my head against his chest.

The sound of his heartbeat is soothing against my ear. I’m getting all warm and fuzzy inside. Ben’s words put my mind at ease, and knowing he hadn’t intended to leave me alone is all the justification I need. This time I cry, without any reason, I just cry.

Ben leans back and examines my face. Then he shocks me when he pulls off his shirt and uses it to dab my tears away. He’s so beautiful, his blue eyes pools of questions as he whispers, “I am telling you the truth. I’m sincere with all I’ve said. Please, don’t cry.”

“I know, and I believe you,” I whisper back. “I... my tears... I think they’re happy tears.” I glance at him and I suddenly feel nervous. My stomach is doing flip-flops as Ben slowly presses his forehead against mine, takes my chin in his hand, and softly sweeps the pad of his thumb across my lips. He’s getting closer, our breath mingling, lips nearly touching and then he shocks me by sucking my lower lip between his. He grazes it with his teeth, slowly releases it, and drags his mouth along my jaw, stopping at the shell of my ear to exhale a throaty groan.

He slowly and delicately kisses behind my ear, along my jaw, down my neck, and I swear I’ve died and gone to heaven. I can feel the contour of his hard body as he coaxes me closer by kneading and palming my back. His lips travel up my neck, on my cheek, over each eye, down my nose, and stop a hair’s width from my parted lips. He lets out a few ragged breaths, his hands now closing at the base of my neck and he fists my hair.

Is he... will he...

All pain and despair over the past events dissolve into something entirely different. Desire. Need. Want. I want this exquisitely gorgeous man sitting before me. I want to feel the surge of fire sizzle through me as it did previously.

––––––––

––––––––

I’ll give you the world, the one where only you and I exist.

––––––––

I KNOW IT’S WRONG TO WANT what I want so much, but the way Ben kisses me, the way he holds me, and the way he works his hands under my shirt—I can’t help myself. I touch him, dig my fingers into his back, and slide them around to feel his chest, neck, and face. He glances at me, our eyes lock. We share something, but what? I only know it could crush me—shatter my heart.

I’m heady with need... until he quenches my lips with his feverish mouth. He’s slow in his endeavors, his lips parting, and tongue probing, entering a leisurely entanglement with my own. He deepens the kiss, crushes me against him, but I’m not close enough. I want—oh, god....

“Hey-lloooo? You up there, Ben?”

We jump.

“Morgan?”

And stare at each other. Ben dips down for one last kiss before I scramble over his legs to sit next to him.

“We’re up here,” Ben says.

Crap. Ben’s shirtless. But then he snatches his t-shirt and drags it over his head as Danny’s head pops out from the trap door.

It’s hard to pretend nothing went on, but harder to imagine myself with Danny. All previous feelings gone.

“What’s up, guys?”

“Nothing. Just talking,” Ben replies, his annoyance clear.

“What kind of things were you talking about? You weren’t discussing me, were you?”

“Not really. What makes you think we would?”

“Perhaps it’s the odd look you both gave me, guilty maybe.” Danny’s brows furrow.

I can feel the tension in the air, and I’m hoping they don’t break out into a heated argument.

“Not everything’s about you, Danny. I know you always think it is, but I’m telling you, it’s really not.”

“Sure, Ben, then you won’t mind if I join your discussion.”

I’m not up for another round of them throwing accusations back and forth, but I can feel it coming. Male pride. Ego verses ego.

I throw in the towel. “Of course you can. We were just discussing the night of the Ball—discussing the part where Ben left and went to look for you, how I thought he wasn’t coming back, why I got up and left.”

“Oh,” Danny says, with a hint of guilt.

“Morgan, would you mind if I ask to speak to Danny alone? It’s nothing personal, but I’d feel better if you didn’t hear some of the things I have to say.” Ben pleads with his eyes and I’m okay with it.

I give him a smile and a knowing wink. “No problem.”

He grins and then licks his lips as he helps me up. Yummy!

After walking me down the stairs and into the living room, he wraps me in a hug and whispers in my ear, “I’m sorry about this. And I’m not leaving you, ever.” He kisses along my ear and down my cheek, making my entire body tingle.

“Mm, I know,” I say, and then he’s gone, escaped to the roof.

I’ve listened to Ben and Danny’s heated discussion for far too long. I’m tired and no longer wish to wait around. I could crash in Ben’s room, but I think it’s time for me to go home. It’s a lonely thought, the idea of no Ben by my side, but I know it will do me good. I’m getting too attached and that’s not a good thing for a girl who’s lost to herself.

I’m not sure what they’re arguing about, and I’m not about to eavesdrop again. Funny, maybe coincidental, I hear the snap-clank-snap of the trap door. Guess Ben doesn’t want me dropping in on their conversation. I respect that.

Obviously they’ll be a while. No sense in hanging around any longer. I’ll just leave a note. Can’t accuse me of snooping if I’m searching for a pen and paper. I’ve searched the kitchen, the living room, and nothing. In another room, sits a mahogany desk and swivel chair. I roll open the desktop, but find no pens so I rummage through a few drawers, shuffle through some papers and come across a picture. It’s folded in half and I should really put it back, but I don’t. I unfold it.

“What?” I don’t understand. The picture is Ashley, but she’s with Danny. This is not the kind of picture that speaks friendship, not when they’re sucking face, entangled in a tight embrace. Okay, so I’m a little freaked out. Do Danny and Ben share? ’Cause I’m not to be shared.

On the flip side of the photo, it reads: Forever. Love, Ashley Jezadabek.

What?!

I’ve had enough. I fold the picture, put it back, and refuse to listen to the voice telling me to snoop for more. I’d feel guilty, or like I’m betraying Ben.

I find a pen and paper and write:

Hey, it’s late and I’m tired. I didn’t want to interrupt your discussion, but didn’t want to leave without letting you know. So. I’m writing you this note. I figure it’s about time for me to go home, and I’m sure you’re ready to have your life back. I can’t thank you enough for rescuing me in my time of need and taking such good care of me. I owe you the world. Can’t wait to see you again, so stop by anytime, day or night, okay? Or drop me a note if I’m not... home. Again, thank you for all you’ve done.

Yours Truly,

Morgan

I wanted to end it with Love, Morgan, but I don’t know if he’d appreciate it. I find a piece of tape and anchor the note to the inside of the closet door where I know Ben will see it.

Quietly, I slip out the front door, make my way down the hall, descend the steps to the lower level and walk toward my... my home.

There’s a glow in the rectangular window along my door. I don’t recall leaving the light on, but it seems like I’ve been gone forever. It’s possible Danny left it on. Come to think of it, he never did bring me my things. Or maybe he did and I didn’t notice.

A cool breeze passes by as I step closer to the door, and I swear I see a shadow! I’m shaking, nerves on alert as I spin around searching every corner, but finding nothing. By the time I grab the doorknob, I’m freezing. Literally. Once inside, I slam the door, lean against it, and catch my breath.

It’s lonely after spending so much time with Ben. I feel sad at the loss as I strip off my clothes and crank on the hot water to fill the tub.

This is what I need. A nice relaxing bath. After all my grooming, I slide further into the warm water. Leaning my head back, I let the weight of my eyelids fall and think of Ben. More specifically, that last kiss. Mmm.

After my bath, teeth brushed and all, I slip into a cute pair of pink panties and a spaghetti strap tee. You know, just in case...

My bed looks comfy, but lonely. I drag the comforter and a pillow out to the couch, turn off the overhead light and flip on the low wattage lamp on the corner table. I’m curling up under the blanket and closing my eyes.

Sleep would be nice here.

Come on sleep.

Oh, where art thou sleep?

I’m so tired I can’t sleep. Ugh. My mind won’t quiet. I think of Ben and all that has transpired. I wonder what would have happened if Danny hadn’t interrupted our moment and I’m instantly warm all over. I remind myself of my moral values and marriage before sex.

Oh! Does this mean my memory is coming back?

Ben. I’m drowning with images of being his wife, of his kiss, of passion, of places I’ve never explored before... He’s captivating me with his hypnotic blue eyes... we’re face to face... holding hands... “Marry me,” he says... his words curl around my heart and soul and I ache for him. I feel him. Everywhere....

Something tickles my lips. I subconsciously suck my lower lip in, drag my teeth over it to rid it from the itch... it tickles my nose, I wrinkle it in return. It moves to my cheek... across the bridge of my nose... to my other cheek. I try to sweep it away with my hand, but it returns... I wake. I think? No, I see Ben up close and personal.

“My Angel,” I whisper and close my eyes...

... and wake instantly.

“Ben?” I say groggily.

He smiles, places a hand on my cheek, and rubs the pad of his thumb in little circular motions. “Hey, beautiful. I saw the note and was sad to know you left, but thankful you let me know. I’m sorry we took so long,” he says softly.

I think I love this man. His presence makes every part of me sing with warmth and happiness. “It’s okay, I’m not mad.”

“I know it’s late, but I didn’t get to say goodnight. I made Danny give me your key. I hope you’re okay with that?” His eyes never leave mine, and he’s still caressing my cheek.

“I’m more than okay. I’m glad you came over. I told you that you could come by anytime, night or day.”

“Yes, you did and you also said you owe me the world.” He grins. “I thought I’d come by and see when you plan on giving it to me.” He laughs and I do to, but I really want to scream, I’ll give you the world, the one where only you and I exist!

Ben is so beautiful and I could stare at him for the rest of my life. I can’t believe he’s here, right before me, and I wonder how I ever became lucky enough to have him in my life.

“So, tell me, Morgan, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Ben’s sitting on the ottoman. He must have dragged it over while I was sleeping.

“What? You really expect me to answer that?”

“Yes, my eager mind wants to know.”

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

He scoots a little closer, thumb now circling close to my lips. “I’m game for that.”

We stare at each other. I’m dying to know what he’s thinking, when he’ll speak up, but I think he’s teasing me.

I give a little chuckle. “I’m waiting.”

He gives me a little chuckle too, and says, “That’s not the deal. You tell me and then I tell you. That’s what you agreed to.”

“Really? I don’t see it in writing.”

His smile fades and I swear, he’s totally hot when he’s all serious, like he is now. My smile fades too.

“You. Then me,” he says pointedly.

I suck in a deep breath. Here goes it. “Well, Ben, at this exact moment, I’m thinking how handsome you are and I how I could stare at you for the rest of my life.”

The rest of my life? Oh, he’s probably going to take that wrong. Not that I didn’t mean it in that way, but I don’t know what, or if he ever wants to marry, let alone, me. Why oh why did I say that?! Strike one! Okay, he’s staring at me and I can’t tell how he’s interpreting that.

I give him something else. “I was also thinking about how you’re actually right here before me, like a dream, and I’m wondering how I ever got so lucky to have you in my life?” Okay. Not much better. Strike two! I’m so embarrassed. What the hell, might as well strike out. “So there you have it. My head in a nutshell. Your turn!”

Ben silently stares at me with such a serious face; my personal butterflies are dancing like hooligans around the fire in the pit of my belly. I like that feeling! He brings his free hand up, places it on my other cheek and gently strokes his thumbs over my temples. He doesn’t reply immediately. He pierces those blue eyes directly into my heart.

Finally, he breaks the silence. “I’m thinking about how serene you look when you sleep. I remember you sleeping just like that in my bed and how I watched you lie so peaceful, absorbing every bit of you. Your perfect lips...” He traces my lips. “... perfect eyes, the delicacy of your face, and all of the flawlessness that sculpts your body.”

Seriously? Did he rehearse or what? I’m waiting for the field lights to beam, for an invisible man to run first, second, third, and fourth base while the crowd shouts, HOME RUN!

Because I must be the luckiest woman alive. I’m speechless. He’s speechless, maybe waiting for me to respond, but I can’t just yet. I’m all choked up inside.

He smiles and that alone unhinges me. I break the silence. “I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you, Ben. You’ve saved me, taken care of me, but it’s more than that. I’m afraid of you, afraid of you walking away and breaking my heart. I feel sick at—”

“Shh.” Ben slides off the ottoman to sit on his knees. He leans in to me, cups my face, warm sensual lips greet mine, and he kisses me softly.

He breaks the kiss and stands. “I better get going before I get all worked up again. I just wanted to tell you goodnight.”

That’s it? I poured out my soul and all he has to say is he better get going. I’m too stunned, maybe a little hurt, to respond.

“Are you going to walk me to the door?”

I made a fool of myself. He’s asking me to walk him to the door. I can’t believe this!

“Yeah, I’ll show you to the door.” With my foot! I drag myself up and march toward the door without a glance back. I feel him behind me when I reach for the knob, ready to open it, ready to kick him out so I can have a fit.

Ben snags me by the waist, snaps me into him, my back to his front. I’m about to remove his hands when he brushes my hair to the side.

“Now let me tell you how I feel,” he whispers against my neck, flips me around, lifts me, and then backs me against the door. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist... for security.

He caresses my cheeks, tender, sweet and startles me when he presses my head against the wall, crushing his lips against mine.

The kiss is unbelievably intense, fervent, and so full of emotion. He slips his hand behind my neck, clenches it as he lures me closer. He’s slowly pressing into me with his hips and I shove my hands in his hair, tangling my fingers in it. The sweet taste of his mouth, intoxicating scent—spicy yet sweet...

His breathing comes harder as my fingers trail under his shirt, over his abdomen, along the solid, well-defined muscles of his chest. He kisses ever so deeply, so deep I swear he can taste my heart and I tremble.

I feel him inside me with only a kiss, no longer needing words to know how he feels about me. I squeeze my legs tighter, not wanting to let him go, drag my hands back to his hair and tug a little, keeping his head where I want it.

Ben loosens his grip, breaks the kiss, and draws back. He spears me with his glacial eyes and says, “Is that enough to tell you how strongly I feel about you? You drive me crazy and I need to go before I can’t stop myself. I can’t lose control with you.” Then he carries me back to the couch and lays me down. He gives me one last kiss, places another on my forehead. “I have to work all week. I won’t be able to see you until Friday. Five long days, but meet me Friday afternoon?”

I nod. “Do you really have to leave? And I won’t see you for five days?” I’m crushed. What will I do?

Ben brushes a finger down my nose. “Hey. Don’t do that. It’ll fly by and before you know it, it’ll be Friday.”

No. No it won’t. Why don’t I have a job and why doesn’t he ask if I work? Maybe the answers will come later. He’s watching me, waiting for me to respond, I think. “Can’t you lie with me until I fall asleep?”

“I won’t lie with you, not after our heated moment. I don’t trust myself, I’ve already gone too far. But... I’ll sit right here,” he pats the ottoman, “until you fall asleep?”

“All right.” It’s enough to appease me and he’s right, we went too far. I need to be smart, think with my brain and not my body.

True to his word, Ben stays until I fall asleep. His tender stroke, brushing his fingers through my hair, along my face, over each eye, is all it takes to put me to sleep.

When I wake the next morning, the only thing on my mind is Ben. I replay everything in my head, but I keep rewinding back to the picture of Danny and Ashley. I want to know what the deal is... or was. I’ll ask Ben, but then he’ll think I’d been snooping, no matter what the excuse. Maybe Ashley has a twin? Doubtful.

I don’t want to think about Ashley, but I can’t stop wondering what would happen if she returns. What will Ben do? Who will he want? It’s a devastating thought. I need to get up and do something other than worry.

Monday and Tuesday pass quickly, but by Wednesday evening, I’m pacing, unsure of what to do. Maybe a walk would be good for me. There is only once place that comes to mind. I wish I could say it was Ben’s residence, but that’s not an option. I stroll through the quiet halls and exit the front doors. It’s a straight shot from here to the... dare I say... the forest. I won’t get too close. Just a sneak peek, that’s all.

The scent of lavender and fresh flowers permeate the atmosphere. It’s warm with a slight breeze, and the night sky is clear. I’m getting closer to the heavily treed area when a gust of wind sweeps my hair forward into my mouth. I stop walking when I hit a barrier, but there’s nothing visibly in my way. Do I push forward, or is this a warning to go no further?

I advance a little, but I feel like I’m walking up a steep hill against the wind.

WHOOOOO-WHOOOOO.

“Ahhh!” My heart crashes to a stop and rapidly fires again. Over what? It’s only a stupid owl sitting on an outstretched branch along the outer edge of trees but enough of a scare to get me running back toward the mansion. I don’t stop until I’m safely behind the door of my own home.

Leaning over to catch my breath, my head begins to pound. I rub my temples, but it doesn’t relieve the pressure. A sharp pain shoots through my head, and I fall face forward to the ground. There’s a horrible buzzing noise and flashes of white lightning. Everything is fuzzy and when it clears, I see hundreds of trees, all of them white and leafless.

There’s no color, no warmth, but only desolation. I’m walking on a rocky path toward a pool filled with forest debris. Dead leaves and tree branches.

The water is murky, muddy. I don’t want to touch it, but I have no control and my fingers dip in and make little swirling motions. The dead water comes to life, little vibrations causing small waves to sway to and fro. I try to pull my hand back but it won’t come out! Something is sucking it in and it’s pulling harder. I’m struggling, digging my heels in the ground, heaving my body backward but it’s still sucking me in. I’m going forward, face first into...

“NO,” I scream and wake face down on my living room floor. I feel lightheaded and weak, but I manage to roll onto my back. My body is drenched in sweat and my hair is soaked.

After I recover some of my energy, I take a shower and get ready for bed. My home feels chilly, uninviting, downright scary, but I have nowhere to run. I can’t go to Ben’s and fill his head with all that has happened. He’ll think I’m crazy. I don’t even know how he’d react if he knew I ventured toward the trees, the one place he said was forbidden. I have to wonder if something came back with me, something bad from the forest. I lie on the couch wrapped snuggly in my comforter and pray I won’t dream of anything, well, other than Ben.

Thursday afternoon is uneventful. I attempt to visit Rosa, but she’s on her way out the door, Miguel hot on her heels, so I go home and clean my bedroom. I sit on the bed and stare out the window, unsure why I’ve never noticed the tall green trees surrounded by sand. After yesterday, I figure it wouldn’t be wise to take another adventure into unknown territory, no matter how inviting. I spend the rest of the evening on my couch, occasionally peeking through the shades to watch people walk through the hall.

After I lie down, ready to pass out, I’m hit with another screaming headache. The pounding and sharp shooting pains bring me back to the pool.

Someone watches me. I do a quick check, spin in all directions, but see no one. I’m facing the pool again, the leaves and tree branches still skim the surface. I approach and fall to my knees. The water is thick and murky, but I see my reflection. Blue eyes no longer bright, but dull with black circles underneath, cheeks sunken under pale, grey skin, long brown hair matted and dirty. My replication reaches for me with a plea in her eyes, my eyes, and I want to reach in and drag her out, but when I do, the pool fills with figures in long white coats. They move closer to her, to me. She goes under, but hands, all kinds of big hands, are reaching out of the water and coming for me. The surface is slippery and I’m sliding as I try to get up and back away, but I slip near the edge of the pool. I see her, who is me, and she’s floating face down!

––––––––

“Nooooo!”

I wake with a start, and gasp for air. Everything is drenched. My hair, my body, my comforter, but not the couch. I don’t know what’s happening and I don’t want to be alone. I glance at the clock and let out a sigh of relief. It’s seven-thirty in the morning. And it’s Friday! The devastating dream begins to fade away. Warm fuzzy feelings flood me, knowing I’ll be seeing him soon.

––––––––

––––––––

Hands, the ones belonging to the white jacketed

figures rise above the surface, their bodies follow.

All of them are covered in blood, all but their white

jackets, and they’re coming for me, at me.

––––––––

DID I OUTDO MYSELF? PROBABLY, BUT a certain threat pushes me to be better, look better and be everything Ben wants. He’s never seen my hair straight. I hope he likes it. A little shimmer on my eyes, a light sweep of lip-gloss over my lips, black and gold tee, white low-rise shorts, bronze belt, matching accessories... Yep! I’m feeling pretty good. Because it’s Friday!

Waiting sucks. I’ve found my iTouch. I’m surprised it has any charge left. I don’t remember the last time I... well, I don’t know, but music isn’t moving the time any faster, and I might miss Ben’s knock, so I tuck it away in my closet.

My stomach flip-flops at the rap, tap, tap on the door. So excited! I’m telling myself to calm down, slowly turn the knob, don’t fling the door open....

There he is, this man who lights an explosive fire in every nerve of my body.

Ben.

He looks divine. His blond hair is teased to perfection, and he wears a white pullover with black shorts. A leather necklace dangles with a dark clay piece and the sun etched inside. His smell is to die for, fresh, crisp, masculine. I want to bury my face in his neck.

“Well? Are you going to say hello or invite me in?” Ben’s lips curl at the edges and he gives me a sly wink.

My hands betray me as they reach behind his neck and my body pulls forward to his. Before I can retract, my face is already buried in his neck.

Ben embraces and lifts me, my feet dangling. I squeeze tighter around his neck and he lets out a low chuckle.

His laughter enlightens me; I laugh too. “Hello, Ben.”

Releasing his grip, he sets me down. “I kind of made plans. I hope you’re up for a picnic. I packed a lunch for two and thought I’d take you to a place I call my Secret Little Heaven.”

“It sounds wonderful. I can’t wait to see your little Secret place.” I’d go anywhere with him.

We walk the halls until we reach the front entry. Being the gentleman he is, Ben opens the door for me and follows behind.

“This way.” He points to a row of garages. “We’ve got to get the Air Glider.”

“Air Glider? That’s not one of those... um... those things that look like a human kite—the thing people use to jump off mountains with? No way you’re getting me on one of those.”

Ben laughs. I don’t see the humor in it. I plant my hands firmly on my hips. “Ben! Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny, mister.” I tap my foot for good measure.

“Did you just say ‘mister?’”

I nod.

“So, I’m a mister when I’m... what, in trouble?”

He’s laughing, again! I throw him my best evil eye, you know, the one where my eyes are squinty and one of them twitches.

Through fits of laughter, Ben says, “Hmm... I think...” Laughing! “... I like it when...” Laughing harder! “... you’re mad.” Calms to little hiccups. “You’re pretty cute when you’re angry.”

“Well, I just want you to know that I absolutely will not go on that thing.” I tip my head back and blow the stray strands of hair out of my face.

“Oh, you’ll go on it. I promise. Let’s go, little lady, and let me show you what you’re going on.” He nudges me from behind, and when I don’t budge, he reaches his arms around me and carries me.

At the garage, he keeps one arm snuggly wrapped around my waist while he punches in a code. The door lifts, he flips the light on, and there it sits. A machine... or more like a mechanical magic carpet with handle bars. It doesn’t even look like it’s on the ground.

“Well, what do you think? Does it look like a human kite?” He gives me a sidelong glance with a devious grin.

“No. It looks like a flying treadmill.” I throw him a quirky smile. “And what does it do? You gotta run on it to make it go?”

“No,” he says defensively, as if I’ve thrown a rock at his Porsche. “This is an Air Glider. It’s not a flying treadmill or a human kite, which I believe the proper term is a hang glider.” He elbows me.

“Oh, right.” I cross my arms.

Ben pulls me close and showers me with hugs and kisses. “I needed me a little piece of your sweetness.” His smile radiates, turning me to mush.

“Back to business. Let’s get her out of here—show you what she does.” He waves me out of the garage, steps on the platform, punches a code on the digital pad, and the Glider hums to life as it hovers above the ground.

“Grab the basket and put it on the back of the Glider. Then, step up here and wrap your arms around my waist.”

“But there’s nothing around it to hold us in, other than the bar you’re holding,” I say, my voice wavering.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be safe. Come on... get up here and let me show you how it works.”

“All right.” I smile, full of uncertainty, and step on the platform. The hum of the Glider vibrates the pads of my feet.

Ben cranks the handle, the Glider sails forward, and in a flash, a tight, invisible barrier hugs me. The Glider flies above the ground.

I giggle. “It tickles my tummy!”

Ben takes a scenic route with a gazillion trees blooming in pink, purple and white flowers. The million petals on the dirt path dance and swirl in a cascade of wind the Glider creates. As we glide up a hill, Ben fuels the Glider faster. I close my eyes, bury my face in his back, and pray we don’t crash. But gosh, he smells so good I want to lift his shirt and kiss the muscles on his back. I wonder if he ever thinks the same of me. Does he want to kiss my skin? Bury his nose in my neck?

The Glider slows and I’m guessing we’re approaching Ben’s Secret Little Heaven. I can’t see through the abundance of trees, but I can hear the swish and spray of water. Ben weaves in and out of the trees, and then I see it. A big open space. A clearing. There’s a blanket of lush green grass with lavender petals dotting and floating about, giving off an earthy smell with a hint of sweetness.

It’s amazing!

Now that we’re gliding in the open area of the clearing, I see why Ben calls it his Secret Little Heaven. There’s a large mountain with several waterfalls peeking through the canopy of treetops. Sunlight cheers acres of foliage and wild flowers. It’s gorgeous!

Ben cranes his head. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

It’s definitely breathtaking. My eyes everywhere, lips parted, I whisper, “I could stay here forever.”

“What?” Ben reaches back and pokes my side. “Speak up.”

“I love it! This is all so beautiful... and amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it,” I say as the Glider stops. The second Ben turns it off, the shield dissolves and I release my grip and hop off.

After Ben collects the basket and supplies, which I know I should have helped, but I can’t help it if my head is floating in paradise, he snatches my hand, and we walk to the center of the clearing. I do assist him in spreading the blanket on the ground.

“Jeez, Ben. Looks like you brought some of everything. Fruit, a salad to die for, vegetables...”

“Shush and let’s eat. I’m starving.”

Eating in front of Ben. Why is it so embarrassing? Please don’t let me spill!

Maybe I wasn’t too embarrassed. I did scarf down every bite on my plate.

Ben’s on his second plate, so I don’t feel like I overindulged.

After we clean up, Ben reaches out to pull me closer.

“Lie down and put your head in my lap.”

“Huh?”

He begins to rub and knead the balls of his hands into my shoulders. “Ohhhh.” I fall into his lap, head between his thighs. And the position?! I don’t know why, maybe it was the food, but I suddenly feel silly. Like laugh-my-butt-off silly and I have to hold my breath to keep it in.

“Uh, Morgan?” The tone in Ben’s voice is so awkward. I burst out in laughter, heaving uncontrollably. Ben is silent and lets me laugh away. When I finally flip on my back, he’s right in my face smiling ear to ear. No, it’s not a typical happy smile. It’s an I’m-going-to-torture-you smile.

I throw the same one back at him. “I can’t help it! I think it was all that yummy food. You put something in it, didn’t you?!” I struggle not to laugh, but fail.

“Well, I’m going to make you laugh harder.” That little comment out of Ben’s mouth, well, that’s all I hear because he’s already launching his attack. Fingers under my armpits. That’s it. I hate the armpits!

I laugh. I struggle. I snort and finally kick. I can’t get away and I laugh harder, struggle to breathe, attempt to fight back, but he’s so strong! I’m no match. Words. I need good words. I got it.

“Ben! Stop... Ben!” Ecstatic tears roll down my cheeks. “Ben! I’m gonna pee my pants. Really... you gotta stop!”

He thinks he wins and ceases fire. I give him a great big, no, HUGE smile. Sweet-as-pie. Innocent really, but he’s about to receive everything he gave. Yep.

“You better go relieve yourself.” Is that sarcasm I hear in his tone?

Slowly getting up, I dance around for good measure, and then cross my legs. “Um, I don’t think I can hold it anymore. Oh!” I cup my mouth, and myself. “It’s... Oh no! Sorry, I can’t hold it!”

Ben’s face... jaw dropping, eyes wide, body stiff... you know it. Priceless. He watches me with a sharp eye as I uncross my legs, take a few steps back, and then a few more. When I feel like I’ve got a good head start, a possible chance of escape, I give my best she-devil smile and barely above a whisper, I say, “Ha-ha. Gottcha.” I turn, and I run, and run, never looking back until I reach the trees and dodge a few. I think I’m safe. I don’t hear rustling of leaves, or pattering of feet. I sneak a peek and he’s nowhere close, so I take a breather.

Oh! My little she-devil laughs with her brilliant new discovery. I squat down and swoop a heaping pile of flower petals into my shirt. Hanging low, I pile in more as I crawl through the trees, moving ahead a little at a time. I make a few stops... stop, look and listen. No Ben. I think he’s playing me. He’s got to be lurking somewhere. I wait and listen longer. I’m thinking I hear crunching, no... yes... no... yeaaaah! I flip around.

“NOOOO!” I squeal. He’s coming for me. And he’s fast! I can’t let him win. I charge toward the clearing and I sprint fast, hard. I know he’s back there, my predator. I try to listen for him, but my heartbeat pounds in my ears and I don’t dare look back. No way. I make it to the clearing, brave a look over my shoulder and he’s there! Three or four strides behind me. I know I’m doomed so I do what any prey would do. I turn and face him... and... and... I fling the petals out of my makeshift pouch in my shirt at him!

And then I laugh hysterically at Ben. He’s laughing too, sort of, as he does that slow, tortuous walk toward me, petals dangling in his hair.

I egg him on. “Flower boy! So pretty. Rainbow of color? Little bloomer.” I give a little fist pump for effect. “Flower power?” It’s not working. “My Rose Bud!”

Oh, he’s laughing all right! Laughing and stomping closer. He’s taking his time, purposely to torture me before he goes in for the kill.

Keep walking backward, or turn and run? I watch him close in and that’s when I turn and run! Less than two seconds, he catches me and I jump in reaction. But then he sets me down, turns me to face him.

That devious grin is all over his face now. I take a few steps back. And another with every step he takes forward.

“Flower boy? So pretty? Rainbow of color? Little Bloomer?” He thinks he’s funny when he does the same little fist pump. “Flower power?” His voice goes up a couple of octaves. “My ROSE BUD!”

“Well, guess what, girlfriend? Flower power says meet mother nature!” He’s practically rolling; he thinks he’s sooo hilarious. He closes in, backing me up...

“Huh!” I lurch forward at the sudden shock of cold water, right into his arms, into him as he pushes onward, into the water.

“Ben! I’m soaked!” I see he’s fairly dry, well, until he keeps going. He stops to lift me up and carries me until we’re directly under the waterfall. We laugh a little. He sets me down, and backs me against the wall. His hands are above my head and the water washes away the funny Ben.

His breathing is faster, ragged and then he grabs my neck and pulls me to his mouth. Butterflies pirouette in my stomach, and when he snaps my hips against his, they undulate their wings to elicit fluttery tingles to travel over my sensitive nerves.

He kisses my forehead, along my eyes, across my cheeks, and pauses over my ear. He gives a little grunt, releases me, swoops me up in his arms, and dashes out of the waterfall. We fall to the ground, soaked to the core, but it doesn’t matter. Not when I’m with him.

I lean over and examine his face. He watches me and I wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. Then I see it, the storm behind his eyes, a smoldering fire begging to consume me. He strikes with his right hand, wrapping it around my neck while his other snakes over my lower back. Our lips crash, tongues tangle in a tug of war, I suck his, he sucks mine.

We’re rolling like the tides, me below, him on top, then flipping like waves until we capsize and he takes me under... hands under my shirt, floating up and then down, fingers skimming the hem of my shorts, fisting and tugging, his body sliding down, lips kissing, teeth nipping, tongue swirling around my navel... and just when I’m not sure how much more I can take, he’s instantly cold and rolling off me.

The shock of it leaves me mourning, and I close my eyes, but I know it’s for the better.

I hear Ben sigh, and I smile inwardly when his fingers delicately brush along the skin of my thigh. He does this for a while as we lay in silence.

––––––––

A drop of water pierces my skin and startles me awake. I’m acutely aware of the tink-tink-tink changing to plunk-plunk-plunk and then a Boom has me scrambling to sit up. Another clap of thunder has Ben and I jumping. The rain comes down in sheets and lightning snaps across the blackened sky. Ben tucks me in his arms, but we’re unmoving, still in the girth of the storm.

“Shouldn’t we leave?”

“No, we won’t be safe riding the Glider in the lightning. It has no grounding and it’s made mostly of metal. Don’t worry, we’ll be fine here,” Ben says. Releasing his hold, he slides his hand down, weaves our fingers together and we dash toward the waterfall, under the spray and then behind it. We sit. I lean back against his chest and think of the wonderful day we’ve had. I giggle a little as I think of Ben’s face when I threw the petals at him.

Ben lets out a low chuckle. “I know what you’re thinking, silly girl.”

The storm didn’t last long. Ben and I are soaked from the rain, but we had fun.

My head... I don’t know... it feels funny. “Oh!” I press my hands against my temples at the sudden pain. It’s sharp, so sharp I clench my teeth and squeeze my eyes tighter to keep from screaming. I want Ben, but he seems unreachable, like he’s no longer with me. No!

The pain is so bad I think I’m going to throw up, but where? Where am I? It’s so black out here, black and red. The swishing and swooshing noise... my lungs expand and deflate, expand... deflate at the force of the whoosh and the pshhhhhh.

I’m back at the pool, but this time it’s a sea of blood. She’s there, face down in the bloody water. She’s floating toward me and when she’s close enough, I reach down to grab her but she’s going under. I push my arm down further and grasp onto something. I drag it up and it’s her, me! She’s face up, her eyes, my eyes, flutter open and her mouth spills out a silent scream...

The sound of Ben’s voice, muffled but beautiful voice, penetrates the haze, but I’m still in the fog, the illusion of the pool still in the background. With all of my heart and all of my soul, I find it within me to speak. “Ben... Ben... make it stop. Please.”

Hands, the ones belonging to the white jacketed figures rise above the surface, their bodies follow. All of them are covered in blood, all but their white jackets, and they’re coming for me, at me....

“I won’t go! You can’t take me!” But they keep coming and I’m scared.

“Ben! Stop them!” I kick and swing and...

––––––––

––––––––

There’s a price for everything.

––––––––

I FEEL BEN’S HANDS ON MY head as the fuzz begins to clear. Blinking several times, I can see a great sadness in his eyes as he watches me.

“Hey, you. Don’t look so sultry. I’m okay. I get these horrible headaches once in a while, but don’t worry, it’s nothing new.” I give him my best smile.

He strokes my hair and rubs my temples with his thumbs. He doesn’t say anything, but I know he’s thinking about something. His eyes seem distant and his brows dip low.

“When?” he blurts.

“When, what?”

“The headaches, when did they start?”

“I...”

“The truth, Morgan. When?”

“Wednesday night. Why?”

“Did... did you go there? The forest?”

Wow. I’m not sure how, or if I should respond.

“No answer means you did. Why? Why would you do that when I told you it was forbidden?” He’s angry, so much that he’s shaking.

“I didn’t—”

“God. Don’t you listen?” My heart thuds at his baritone voice. “Are you so desperate to know, you’d take the risk, not knowing what could happen? Me telling you it’s forbidden isn’t enough to keep you away?”

I’m beside myself. I don’t even know what to say to that. I don’t know why I went, other than utter curiosity. Did I bring something back, a bad omen maybe? “Did... did I—”

“NO.” Ben cut me off and stands. Reaching for my hands, he pulls me up and continues. “We better get going before another storm hits.”

In silence, we exit the waterfall, cross the clearing and gather the remains of our picnic. I help him pack it on the Air Glider.

Ben steps on the platform, punches in the code, and fires it up. He reaches for my hands and pulls me aboard. Clinging to him tightly, same as I had on the trip here, I feel the tension in his body and the silence only confirms my fear. I’ve done something terribly wrong, and now I’m about to pay for it by losing him.

Laying my head against his back, I hear the lub dub of his heart. The rhythm and swishing is soothing. Thoughts of what we’d done earlier run vividly through my head. Hanging on to the memories of our most intimate moments, I feel the nervous and exciting sensations all over again. Inhaling the scent of his skin, I wonder what he’d do if I kiss his back. We’d probably get into an accident and it would be my fault for distracting him. He’d be angrier with me.

When we finally return to what I’ve come to call my home, Ben stops the Glider, hops off and holds his hands out. After he helps me down, he drops my hands and immediately busies himself.

“I’ll finish up here. I want you to go to my place and wait for me there, okay?”

I nod, not wanting to argue with him. I thought he’d tell me to go home and leave me to ponder what might become of us, but he didn’t and I’m thankful.

“You don’t want me to help with anything?”

“Absolutely not. It won’t take me too long.” He stretches out his hand and gives me a little smile. “Here, take my keys.”

Smiling back, I grasp them in my palm. “Um, I need to stop at my place. I need clean—”

“No,” Ben says sternly. “I don’t want you going there. Just get something of mine to wear, like a t-shirt. You can shower at my place.” His lips pinch together and his eyes give me fair warning not to disobey or question him any further.

“Okay, fine. Whatever.” I step back from him, turn on my heels, and head toward the front entrance. I glance over my shoulder several times, catching his watchful eye, before disappearing inside the mansion.

The halls are noisy tonight. There are people walking toward the foyer. Probably to hang out. Rosa had invited me to go with her and Miguel and another couple they’d met the night of the Gala Ball. I never gave her a direct answer.

“Ha! Look what the cat dragged in!” Danny pops up out of nowhere.

“Always a comedian, Danny.” I give him my best eye roll. He grins. I still have a soft spot for him, but not the same as I had before. I wonder what would have happened the night of the Ball if Danny hadn’t treated me the way he had. Would I have felt the same for him as I do for Ben? It’s an interesting thought, but I already know the answer. No. We’re meant to be friends and nothing more.

“Where’s Ben?”

“He’s outside, putting the Glider away. He’ll be in shortly.”

“I need to talk to him. I won’t keep him long, I swear,” Danny says as he walks backward, toward the entrance with his hands in the air. He pauses. “Hey, Morgan?”

“Yeah?”

“We need to get together and talk. I have to explain some things to you, okay?”

“Um... okay. Maybe stop by my place tomorrow?” If I’m allowed to go back. But I really don’t want to.

“All right, but what time—morning, afternoon or evening?”

“Afternoon—let’s say... two o’clock?”

“Two o’clock it is. See you then.” Danny turns and runs down the hall toward the doors, and then disappears.

My steps echo in the stairwell as I climb to the second level, then make my way down the hall until I reach Ben’s place. I wonder what Danny will say to me tomorrow. I’m hoping he’ll apologize for his bad behavior.

The familiar smell of Ben’s place wafts in the air as I open the door. I love it here. I love anything that makes me feel close to him.

My sandals are filthy so I kick them off outside the door before realizing my feet are not much better.

Uncertain of what to expect when Ben returns, I take a quick shower then snag Ben’s robe from the hanger. I slip my arms in and pull the fabric up to my nose to inhale his scent.

Mmmm.

After absorbing his smell, I snag my iTouch out of my shorts. Unsure of how much of our time Danny would suck up, I plop on the bed, un-tired. Bored beyond belief, I stir for a few minutes and then get out of bed, knocking off some pillows as I go. I pick them up, line them perfectly on the bed, all but a single round pillow.

My imagination gets the better of me. I’m listening to Purple Rain, and singing my little heart away. Of course, I’m thinking about Ben as I place the round pillow inside of the robe. There’s nothing to hold it in place. Rummaging through Ben’s nightstand, I snag a pair of his boxers. Ha! They fit perfectly with the pillow stuffed inside.

The obvious stands out. I pretend I’m pregnant with his baby. The idea makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. Curious to see what I might look like pregnant, I skip to the dresser and check out my new profile in the mirror. Pulling the robe a little tighter, I cup one hand below and the other over the top of my fake swollen belly. Setting the iTouch on top of the round ball, wiggle my baby, my hips, and my head side to side, in rhythm with the music. The iTouch slips and before I can catch it, it clatters to the ground, pulling the buds from my ears with it. Baby... blares out of the earphones.

Slowly, I dip down in a squat with my little pregnant body, singing about how I want you as I retrieve the iTouch. I come back up wiggling, having a blast in my makeshift world with my fake swollen belly, full with an equally fake baby Ben. And then I glance at my reflection in the mirror.

My stomach sinks. I’m not the only reflection staring back at me. In the mirror, Ben’s image is standing, leaning against the wooden doorframe with his arms crisscrossed, watching me.

Busted!

Complete and utter humiliation washes over me and I no longer know how to speak. I want to cry.

A wide grin stretches across Ben’s face and he says, “About six months.”

“Six months?” I ask. We’re still looking at each another in the mirror when Ben strides toward me and wraps his arms around my fake belly. Caressing my cheek with his soft lips, he kisses me tenderly before settling against my ear. His breath is warm and rhythmic. He’s staring at my belly, sliding one hand to the center, rubbing gently in a circular pattern as he releases a cheerful sigh.

“About six months. That leaves us with three more. Three more months to go. Do we know if we’re having a girl or a boy?” He ogles.

The damage is done and I might as well finish my little fantasy out.

Leaning toward the bed, faking contractions, I moan, “I don’t think we have three more months.” Then I squat. “Oof!”

I pretend to push. I pull out the pillow and toss it at him. “Congratulations! You’re the proud father of this fluffy little baby!”

Ben’s eyes sparkle with amusement. “I must be the luckiest man alive to have this... baby... and such a beautiful wife to bear my children,” he says and we both break out in laughter.

Ben’s face turns serious and he whispers, “Honey, this is beautiful, but you left out the best parts.” He gives me a sly wink.

“What do you mean? What parts—what are the best parts?” I’m searching his eyes for answers.

Measuring his expression, he wears a wide grin and doesn’t respond. The sparkle in his eyes is replaced with all kinds of naughty. He nudges me toward the bed and once the back of my knees greet the edge of the mattress, I fall back. Ben drops gently on top of me and his lips press against my ear. His hands delicately touch my face, his lips move along my neck as he speaks between kisses. “You left out... all the best parts... the ones... it takes... to create a baby.”

His words make me warm all over, and I imagine what it would be like if we were to have such moments of passion.

Ben rolls over swiftly and picks up the iTouch. “I wonder what’s playing,” he says and places one of the ear buds in his ear. Of course it’s a naughty song. The words vaguely drift from the lone ear bud. It’s one of those songs you listen to privately, but not in the company of your new man.

Ben’s eyes focus on me. He grins mischievously.

I shoot up on all fours and slowly catwalk backward on the bed, watching Ben the entire time. Then I slide down the edge of the bed and peek up at him. He’s already on all fours, working his way in my direction. When he creeps to the end of the bed, I’m already on my back on the ground. As he slides off the bed, I wiggle my shoulders and hips, and push myself back, one leg at a time. Ben continues on all fours, crawling my way, and I keep pushing away from him, until my head hits the wall. I can go no further.

The sight of Ben prowling above me causes heat to furl low in my belly. He moves, nips my bottom lip, and continues to stare, never breaking contact as he slowly drags his hand between the center of my robe. His touch is delicate and caressing. I shudder, and my heart drops into my stomach when he circles his palm against my lower abdomen. I notice his shirt is unbuttoned to reveal a perfectly sculpted chest. I take the invitation and run my hands passionately up the center, stopping at his neck. He’s cradling my face in his hands and presses his lips to mine. They’re warm and seductive. In a tender motion, his tongue wraps around mine. I hate how he makes me feel so good, how he makes my body beg for more. I hate that I want every part of him to be mine, forever.

When I feel the outline of his body pressing firmly against mine, there’s a loud bang, bang, bang on the door. Ben doesn’t stop his sweet assault and devours me with his tongue. When the beating on the door continues, he groans and kisses me once more. He pushes himself up, reaches for my hands, and drags me up next to him.

I guess the interruption is for the better. Who knows how far things would have gone otherwise. Not that I’ll ever regret being with Ben, but I want to wait until I’m married before taking that final step. He’s becoming more aggressive and I like it more than I should.

There’s a variety of t-shirts in Ben’s closet. I pull a navy blue one over my head and slip on a pair of his smallest sweat pants, drawing the strings as tight as they’ll go to keep them from falling from my hips.

A quick glance at the bed, I notice the round pillow and laugh. From now on, I’d think of that pillow as our baby, and I name him Henry. I grab Henry and squeeze him before walking out of the room.

––––––––

And then I see their mouths inhaling as if they’re sucking in wind, but it’s not wind, it’s my breath they’re stealing.

––––––––

BEN ANSWERS THE DOOR AND INVITES the knockers in.

Great!

Strolling into the living room, I see Darnell and Cheia’s heads pop up.

“Hey, how’re you?” Darnell asks. Cheia nods. I met them briefly the night of the Gala Ball. They’re the ones who courted me out on the dance floor. They have to be the most gorgeous African American couple I’ve ever seen. Cheia has long, curly black hair. Darnell’s hair is the same color and is about shoulder length.

“I’m good. Ben and I, we’re cleaning up after our little adventure earlier.” I glance at him and give him a wink. He strolls in my direction, steps behind me, and wraps his arms around my waist. I lean my head into his chest and place my hands over his. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of him.

“You look cute in my clothes,” he whispers against my ear, and I grin from the tickle of his breath.

“Are you two going out to the foyer tonight? There’s supposed to be a group performing live music. I think they’ll be at the bonfire later though,” Cheia says as she looks at Darnell for confirmation. He nods.

Ben’s staring at me, his head on my shoulder. “Well, that depends on Morgan.”

“I guess we could go, but I have to run home and get some warmer clothes.”

I feel his body tense as he whispers against the shell of my ear. “As long as I go with you, you’ll be safe.”

Darnell and Cheia step toward the front door. “See you in a little while,” Darnell says as they exit.

“If you don’t see us in the foyer, meet up with us at the bonfire,” Ben says.

“Great. See you then.” They wave and take off down the hall as Ben shuts the door. He pulls me tight against him and buries his nose in my neck. He doesn’t kiss it like he usually does, only rests it there. It doesn’t matter what he does, just his touch wakes every cell within my body.

“Mm... we better get with it if we’re going to go tonight. I need to shower and then we can go to your place to retrieve some of your things.” Ben steps away from me.

Some of my things? It sounds as if I’ll be packing my bags and taking a mini vacation. He talks as if anything having to do with my place is a bad thing, and it all started after my horrible headaches. I wonder what he’d do if he knew about the things I saw during my spells.

I’m stewing over whether to tell him. If anything, he’d probably comfort me or possibly give me some helpful tips. He’s in the shower. What better time to ask? He hadn’t closed the bathroom door all of the way.

Pressing my lips into the open crack, I ask, “Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“What did you mean when you said we would go to my place and get some of my things? Am I needing to pack a suitcase or something?”

“Yeah, I want you to stay with me for a while—I’ll explain later. Maybe after the bonfire.” He shuts off the water and I’m tempted to peek, but I know it would be wrong so I turn away from the door.

I really want to know why he doesn’t want me to go home, but the idea of staying with Ben is a much better option. To bug him about it might have repercussions, and I’m not willing to take a chance.

After Ben finishes, he comes over to the couch, reaches for my hands, and pulls me up. He kisses my cheek and whispers, “Let’s go get your things.”

When we finally make it to my place, Ben refuses to let me go in first. He goes in and then lets me follow. It seems a little cold and a bit creepy. I’m not sure if I’m feeling this way because Ben wouldn’t let me stay here or come alone to get some stuff. He looked around as if something were going to jump out at him, or me.

After packing my suitcase with my favorite stuff, I change into a cute pair of navy sweats with gold and silver stars. I wear a matching jacket with a white long sleeve shirt and slip on my blue flip-flops. My hair is in order but I run a comb through it, grab a hair tie, and touch up my makeup.

Ben is not in the living room when I come out of the bathroom, nor is he in the kitchen. I find him in my bedroom lying on my bed with his hands crossed behind his head, legs dangling over the edge. He watches me walk toward the window.

“Come over here for a minute,” he says. I sit next to him and stare.

“Something wrong? You okay?” He’s staring at the ceiling and slowly opens his arms. I fall into his arms and he wraps them around me. He’s quiet, but his eyes are pools of moisture.

“I—I’m really falling for you.” His lips tremble as he leans in and presses them against my forehead.

We lay for a while, my head against his shoulder, face buried in his neck planting kisses there.

“We need to get going before it gets too late. We still have to stop at my place to drop off your things,” Ben says and sits up, bringing me with him.

Ben and I walk with our fingers entwined, hand in hand as we stroll down the halls and exit through the back doors. A sandy path between canopies of trees leads us to a beach surrounding a large lake. The flickering flames of the bonfire catch my eye.

As we get closer, I feel like everyone has stopped what they’re doing to gawk at us. I glance up at Ben, but he’s looking ahead as if he doesn’t notice.

I squeeze his hand to get his attention. “Why is everyone staring at us?”

“They’re not staring, just observing.”

“What about the two stooges, Melody and Kennedy? You think they're just observing?” I really think I hate them. To hate is wrong but they make liking them difficult.

“Isn’t it supposed to be the Three Stooges?” Ben attempts to humor me.

“It’s however many you want it to be as long as there’s a ringleader. Looks like Kennedy carries the whips and chains. And she’s just cuffed Danny, stooge number three.”

“Are you jeal—”

“No!” I. Am. Not. Jealous.

Ben lets out a deep, low chuckle. I don’t think it’s funny, but I ignore him. Thankfully, Darnell and Cheia sidetrack the trio. Kennedy tries to continue, but Cheia snags her by the arm and drags her back. She glances at me and tosses me a knowing wink. I could kiss her for it, but I silently mouth, Thank you!

Rosa and Miguel are standing by the fire. I see Rosa’s eyes perk when she sees Ben and I. She grabs Miguel’s hand, nearly knocks him to the ground, and he stumbles over his feet when she drags him toward us. Ben and I laugh.

“Morgan, I so happy to see you, and Ben too!” Rosa says jumping up and down. She stops to give us a hug. “Ben, you know Miguel?”

“Hey, Miguel. Haven’t seen you in a while.” Ben extends his hand and they give each other a firm shake.

“I’m good. Been un poquito ocupado.” Occupied! Miguel faces Rosa and kisses her on the forehead.

“There goes our night,” I sneer when I catch sight of Melody, Kennedy, and Danny coming our way. I cling to Ben and refuse to let go. He looks down at me with a scowl on his face. I don’t care, he’s mine and I want them all to know it.

Danny raises his chin. “Hey, Morgan.”

“Hey. How are you?” Not that I really care.

“Good. I’m good. And you?”

“I’m great,” I say and turn toward the lake, away from his stare.

Ben and I stay wrapped in each other’s arms most of the evening as we mingle with everyone. Rosa and Miguel are inseparable. Darnell and Cheia sit with Ben and I most of the night. They’re a great couple and so casual.

I scoot closer to Ben and lean against his chest. He brushes my hair to the side and rests his chin on my shoulder. His breath is warm against the back of my ear when he whispers, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go grab a drink. Do you want one?”

I kiss his cheek. “Nah. I’m fine. But hurry back and keep me warm.”

He squeezes my sides and then the warmth of him is gone, heading toward the canopy where the band is playing.

“Morgan?”

“Rosa?”

“I go to the big pool tomorrow. You go with Rosa? Rosa not like to swim alone. Big pool very scary with just Rosa.” She elbows Miguel. “He say he too busy. No time for swim tomorrow. You go?” Her eyes are big and pleading.

“Um... okay, I think. What time, and will we meet at the pool?”

“Meet there at three o’clock?”

“Three o’clock it is, Rosa.” I give her a smile but I’m distracted. I’m scanning the area for Ben, but I’m not finding him.

“Well, I think Darnell and I are going to take a walk around the lake,” Cheia says. She and Darnell have been joined at the hip all night. That doesn’t change when they step away from the bonfire and head toward the lake. Rosa and Miguel follow, but walk in the opposite direction.

Ben hasn’t come back yet. I’m feeling lonely as I lie by the warm fire and try to figure out who I am, again... until I feel sand raining down on my skin.

“Hey!” I scramble to sit up, thinking it’s Ben, but no. It’s Danny without the duo.

He plops down next to me.

“Whatcha thinking about?” A wicked little grin dashes across his lips.

I give him an equally wicked grin. “Not you.”

But then Danny’s grin turns to a frown. “Do you hate me?” he asks, his eyes filled with sorrow or remorse maybe.

“Should I hate you?”

“Probably. What I did was wrong. We still gonna to meet tomorrow?”

“About that. Ben won’t let me step foot in my home unless he’s with me. Even then, it’s only brief. Do you know anything about that?”

“Not exactly, but there have been some weird things going on around here. Ben probably just wants to keep you safe.”

“What kind of things?”

He scratches his chin, glances at me and then drops his hands to pick at the sand. “A few people say they’re seeing shadows in their windows when they come home, but find nobody lurking inside.”

I shiver at the thought, but I’m pretty sure he’s not telling me the whole truth. “Did you leave any lights on the day you went to get me some clothes?”

“No, I didn’t even go in. Sorry. I got side tracked,” he says but doesn’t make eye contact.

Danny and I lay silently in the sand.

I feel something warm touch my hand.

“What are you doing?” I ask, but he only squeezes my hand tighter. I roll over and look at him. He has a blank look as he stares at the sky.

“Hey, you okay? Hello?” He doesn’t answer and it’s pissing me off. I have one thought as I sit up and shove my hands down into the sand. I start pushing it against him, over him and say, “Punk!” And I laugh as his eyes travel the length of his body now covered with sand and then snap on me.

“Punk? Did you just call me a punk? I hope I’m wrong!” he says in a way that causes me to jump to my feet, ready to run from the torture he’s about to rain down on me.

I glance over by the canopy and what do I see? I rub my eyes and look again. Is he... is he really whispering in her ear and are they now laughing about it? His whispered words? And is he really all alone with Kennedy? Melody is MIA. Nowhere near them or the canopy. ‘Be right back,’ my ass! The more I watch, the angrier I get. I’m hurt and I want to make him suffer, I want revenge. And yes, I am jealous. I want to scream out that I hate Kennedy!

I snap my eyes back on Danny and with all the fakeness I can muster, I say, “Yeah, I did call you a punk. Punk, punk, PUNK. And there’s nothing you can do about it... punk!” I kick more sand on him, knowing he’ll do something, wanting him to do something and secretly praying Ben will see it. I’m going to do a Kennedy on Danny.

Danny bursts out of the sand, and I take off running. Near the canopy. And then I turn in the opposite direction and glance over my shoulder to find Danny hot on my trail.

I attempt to weave and lose him, but he plows me down to the ground and pins my hands under his legs as he sits on top of me and digs his fingers into my armpits.

He’s evil in his torture! I’m laughing so hard I can’t answer him when he says, “Give?”

I shake my head and try to buck him off. He tumbles forward, but not far enough for me to escape. He tries to get a better grip on me; I buck my hips harder and this time I jump up and break free.

“PUNK! You’re such a stinky, rotten, punk!” I ward him off a little longer this time, and when I think I’m home free, I feel his fingers at my back... at the waistband of my sweats... at the same time I’m diving face forward—thanks to my flip-flops.

The whistles, claps, and cheers tell me I have an audience, my moon to their eyes, and I pull my sweats back up at lightning speed, nearly giving myself a wedgy.

When the show is over, I cross my arms over my chest and give Danny my best scowl. “I can’t believe you did that!” He laughs but I stand my ground. He steps up to me and attempts to grab my arms to unfold them, but I refuse and hug my chest tighter. He sweeps me into his arms, into a cradle and charges toward the lake. The LAKE!

“NO freaking way!” I reach my hands behind his neck and squeeze. “Don’t you dare, Danny!” It works. He drops me. Whew!

“Do that diving roll again. That was a great show.” He smirks.

I have no idea where Ben is, but I’m not going to let it get to me. Danny’s entertainment, and I’m having fun. We walk toward the canopy where the band is playing and we dance rowdy together. We twist and turn and throw each other around.

“Want to go for a walk?” Danny asks.

“Sure.”

We silently walk along the shoreline. My mind is driving in all directions. I’m thinking about Ashley and wondering if Danny would offer any information when I realize we’re no longer walking along the shore. As we near the trees, I decide to ask.

“Danny, please tell me about Ashley. Whose girlfriend was she?”

Danny hesitates. “Ben and Ashley were kind of a thing at first. I hate to say this because it makes me sound like a creep, but Ashley and I had such a strong energy that I knew she and I were meant to be. You know, kind of love at first sight. Anyway, Ashley met Ben first—to make a short story out of this, Ashley ended up with me and Ben was bitter about it, but then he openly admitted there was no chemistry between them. It’s obvious that you and Ben belong together. You know, the night at the pool, when you came over to my place and lay in my bed, I wanted you for my own. Thoughts of Ashley came flooding back the following morning, and I felt guilty, even though she isn’t here right now.”

Right now? Where did she go? Is she coming back? I should ask, but I don’t. I’m stuck on the part about Ben and the chemistry deal, and liking the sound of it.

Danny’s saying something but I can’t hear him. We’ve walked into blackness and my entire body chills from the inside out. I can’t move.

I see it. An apparition—a very large and terrifying shadow. I can’t scream. I can’t breathe. I see the girl, who is me, but there is no pool. She’s walking toward me and she’s soaked. Her hair is caked with mud and twigs. The closer she gets, the more I see. Blood is pouring out of her eyes and nostrils. I feel sick at the sight of her. Oh, god! I feel warm liquid running down my face and then I taste it. The metallic flavor of blood. Blood!

I want to scream but I can’t. The massive shadow towers behind her, and as they’re mere steps away from me, I feel a pull in my lungs. And then I see their mouths inhaling as if they’re sucking in wind, but it’s not wind, it’s my breath they’re stealing. My breath! The cold frothiness of this evil thing surrounds me and is slowly draining the life out of me.

Images of the pool rise up surrounding them and my feet are at the edge of it. White coats with bloody hands rise up, but they have no heads. No heads! I’m screaming in my head for Ben. It feels like my body is shriveling; sucked from the inside out like a balloon. My lungs are on fire, begging for oxygen. Until I feel it...

My body begins to tremble in seizure-like motions, and I’m drifting away from the black beast, from the bloody girl that is me, from the pool, and from the headless jackets with bloody hands.

My lips are tingling and then I taste something... a delicious something that I know very well. I feel Ben’s arms around me, his lips over mine, and he’s blowing puffs of air, two at a time. My lungs rejoice. I can breathe! I cough and sputter, then feel the departure of Ben’s lips, the instant warmth of his chest against my cheek, and then the anger in his tone as he shouts, “What were you thinking? You can’t be careful enough! You can’t just drag her anywhere.”

There’s a slow vibration in his chest. I feel the moisture of his tears wet my lips. I slowly part them and taste the salty sweetness that is Ben. He’s never cried before and it breaks my heart.

Slowly and weakly, I wrap my arms around him as tight as I can. I love him. He’s my life... my security, my everything.

––––––––

––––––––

You know you’re in love the moment you can

touch the stars without reaching.

––––––––

BEN PICKS ME UP, CARRIES ME toward the bonfire away from the dark place. Danny follows a few steps behind. I want to reassure him, but I can’t look back. I don’t want to see the dark hollow in the trees. I’ll forever be afraid of it. I bury my head in Ben’s chest.

So many questions run through my mind, but I’m too weak to talk about them. All that matters is right here, holding me next to him. He has my heart in his hands, and the power to control my very existence.

Ben tries to set me down, but I can’t let go of him. I beg for his security. I’m terrified of what just happened, what all of this means for me, and why nobody will tell me. I feel like an outsider looking in and when I get too close, I’m thrown into this catastrophic place that has some sort of meaning. Or a warning.

“Hey, I can’t sit down if you’re holding me.” A smile tips Ben’s lips.

Releasing my grip, the weight of my body causes my trembling legs to give out. I stumble, but Danny catches me.

I smile really big.

He grins.

“Punk!”

“You don’t give up do you?” He digs his fingers into my sides.

Ben’s not finding humor in our behavior. The crease in his forehead deepens, and his eyes are barely visible under his crunched lids. He smacks his hand on the ground, and I’m pretty sure it’s a warning. Danny’s quick to set me down and Ben tucks me between his legs. Danny hesitates before he finally plops down next to Ben.

I lay my head against his chest, loving the way his arms are snuggly wrapped around my abdomen, fingers occasionally gliding over my belly.

I tilt my head back and whisper, “That tickles.”

A little smile perks on Ben’s lips. We sit in silence for a while and watch as the party dies down.

“Melody—Kennedy, over here!” Danny shouts and startles Ben and I.

Barf.

I rest my head on Ben’s chest and squeeze his hands that are snug around my abdomen, as my least favorite people approach. They’re unduly quiet... and staring at Ben and I.

“Let’s go do something real,” Kennedy says. “Danny, you want to come?”

“I guess. Looks like the fun is over. Let’s go.” Danny shoots me a wink as the trio walks away.

Sigh.

Relief washes over me. I’m glad we’re the only ones left at the bonfire.

A cold chill taints the air, but the heat of the blaze keeps us warm and peaceful.

I want to turn around and shove Ben into the sand, throw myself on top of him, and kiss his beautiful face. I can’t fathom my life without him.

Images of the girl and the black force behind her nudges the edge of my mind, but I refuse to let it settle. A chill sweeps over me like icy fingers running down my back, and I shudder.

What would’ve happened if Ben never showed up? The thought adds a tremble to my already shivering body.

“You’re shaking. Let’s scoot closer to the fire,” Ben says and after we move, I curl into his side. He props his head on a half-bent elbow and stares at me.

“You have to be careful and always be on the look-out. What happened tonight could’ve been the end of you and the end of us. Danny knows the boundaries, but he clearly wasn’t paying attention. Obviously you don’t know enough about your surroundings to determine this.” Ben’s eyes are watery. Maybe it’s worry, or possibly the smoke from the fire.

“You know, I’m so tired of you telling me to ‘pay attention’ or ‘be careful!’ Whatever. I want answers and not a dictator.

“Seems nobody wants to tell me the truth about what’s happening, or why my life is what... in some kind of danger? I have so many questions and no answers. I want to know why everything is a secret. Why?” I swipe at the tears spilling down my cheeks.

Ben sits and drags me up, pulling me onto his lap so I’m straddling him. He runs his fingers under my eyes, sweeping my tears away, and continues along my jaw, over my lips, and uses his thumb to manipulate them open. He greets me with warm, tender lips and then his tongue mingles with mine. Raking his hands through my hair, he pauses to remove my Scrunchie and then fists my hair. My frustrations are all but forgotten.

He stares into my eyes with great intensity, but not for long. Not when I drag my hand up his side and then do the same with the other. His hand moves across my throat, his lips following. My head tilts back, eyes closing. His breaths turn ragged as my fingers move, one hand sliding down his torso, the other running through his hair. I pull his head closer and drag my tongue over his already parted lips. His arms sweep under my shoulders... palms cradling my head, lips crushing mine. Our tongues do nasty things together, and the way he’s forcing his in deeper sends a network of shivers throughout my body. He groans lightly and I kiss him roughly, deeply, and only stop to catch my breath. He returns the aggression and drives me to extremes.

Running my fingers along the back of his belt, I slip them under the hem of his shorts and drag his shirt out. I want to feel his skin, the contour of his body, as I run both hands up his perfectly solid abdomen, chest, and neck.

Ben stops, pulls me off his lap, and draws up to his knees. Never breaking eye contact, he reaches for my hands, and I come up on my knees. Then he leans into me, slides his body up against mine and I pull him tightly against me. He takes my jacket off, kisses down my neck, then he stops to tug his shirt over his head, tossing it in the sand. My emotions are all over the place when his hands float down my sides, pause at my hips, fingers slowly sliding along the waistband of my sweats, under my shirt and along my abdomen. One hand snakes around my back, fingers fumbling with the clasp of my bra until it comes apart.

Finally, he pushes me back just enough to tug my shirt over my head and pull the straps of my bra down my arms letting it drop to the ground. His lips press against the hollow of my neck, and I arch toward him with the help of his persistent hands pressing into the small of my back.

The touch of his skin against mine is almost more than I can handle. When he kisses down between my breasts, his cheek grazing the swells, I feel a tingling sensation from my neck down to my toes, and I beg for more. His touch is soft and rough, and then he urges me down until I’m lying on my back in the soft sand. He hovers above me, eyes full of lust, and kisses me deeply. We’re so close, so tight that I can feel the fine details of his perfectly muscled chest against my breasts. He moves and places his legs between mine, urging them open, and I oblige. His hips sway up and down, up and down while his mouth memorizes the skin of my neck and shoulders.

My hands are pressed against his chest and as I move them down, reaching the curves of his hips, below the hem of his shorts, he tenses beneath my fingers.

And then I think of Ashley and Ben together. Did they do the things we’re doing now? Or was Danny telling the truth when he said Ben and Ashley had no chemistry? Or was it a way to appease me, to make me feel better, and possibly excusing his behavior for stealing her away? All these thoughts are assaulting me.

Ben stops abruptly and before I know it, he’s got me straddling him, but not in a sexual way. I’m embarrassed and wonder why he always stops after he gets me all heated up. Is it me? Do I repulse him? Did he do this with her? I scoot up to him, careful to keep from looking into his eyes. I don’t want him to see the questions in mine. I’d never be able to give him an honest answer—to admit I’m jealous. He doesn’t say anything, only wraps his arms around me and holds me close.

My ear is against his chest, and I listen to the rapid thump of his heart. I want to squeeze him tight and never let go.

When he takes in not one, but several deep breaths, I can tell something is bothering him.

“What’s wrong?” I whisper, but he only squeezes me tighter.

After a long period of silence, I break from his embrace. “Ben?”

Releasing his grip, he cups my face in his hands and gazes at me. His face is damp, and then I know why when I see tears clinging to his long lashes.

“Ben?”

He shakes his head and pulls me close again. He’s stroking my back with one hand while running his fingers through my hair with the other.

“I love you, Morgan.”

Love? Did I hear him correctly?

“What? Did you just say—”

He presses his fingers against my lips, his eyes twinkle. “I. Love. You.” He places his hand over his heart. “I am in love with you, Morgan.”

Stumbling for the right words to say, I come up with a “WOW.” But the shock of his confession of love settles in, and warmth spreads throughout my body.

“I love you, Ben. I love you so much that I never stop thinking about you. You already have my heart.” Please. Please, Ben, promise me you won’t break it. Because if you do, I don’t think I would survive it.

Ben doesn’t say anything more, only stares at me with eyes full of passion. He greets my lips with a tender kiss.

And then he ruins the moment when he pulls away and says, “We have so many things we need to discuss. Treacherous roads are ahead that will have to be crossed. Your heart will break, for me, but not because of me. My heart too, will break with yours when I have to wait for you. That’s the only knowledge I’m allowed to offer without jeopardizing my own welfare. I’m limited in what I can tell you, but please, let’s not ruin this night with questions. I promise there will be a time when all of them will be answered, but it isn’t now. Just know that I love you, that I’ll love you forever.” He kisses me gently on the forehead.

I’m in shock over the four-letter word, but even more by that last statement. Something deep in my soul knows he’s right, and with every cell within me, I have to know that whatever roads have to be crossed, when all is said and done, I’ll be right here, in Ben’s arms, where I belong.

“Let’s call it a night and go home, to my place.” Ben stands, offers me his hands, and pulls me up next to him.

––––––––

––––––––

They must be sworn in secrecy. They all know

much more than they tell.

––––––––

A LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN SHINES through the crease in the curtains, directly along the path of my semi-closed eyelids. I’d been sleeping peacefully, until now. Ben is curled up next to me, and I watch him sleep, wondering what he dreams of. Does he dream good dreams? Does he dream of the future, and does he dream about me? Is he dreaming of a lifetime of happiness with me? I hope he does.

Oh no! Ben told me he loved me last night and I never said it back. I... I’ve got to tell him! Oh, my gosh. Poor Ben. He probably feels like a jerk because I didn’t say it back. He needs to know... know that I love him more than I love my own life. He’s my angel, my everything.

I want to reach out to touch him, to feel him and be a part of him forever. My emotions get the best of me, and I cry tears of happiness because somewhere inside of my heart and head, I know I’ll have him. I’ll have all of him, and he’ll have all of me. This is where I belong, right here next to him, in this place where life is beautiful.

My dreams are vivid, but there’s a hidden meaning in each of them. They’re warnings of some sort. I hadn’t known it before, but as the headaches come frequently, so do the dreams.

Ben is limited to what he can tell me, but I’m beginning to piece together the things that have already happened and things to come. Ben knows all-too-well what lies ahead, but there are reasons behind this secrecy, reasons that will harm him in some way if he speaks of it. I have to accept it. And I will. I’ll forfeit my curiosity and stop pestering him if it keeps him out of harm’s way.

My mind won’t slow down when I try to go back to sleep. Ben tosses and turns before rolling over toward me. He opens his eyes for a second, closes them, and opens them again. He smiles at me as I lay there and watch him. He closes his eyes again for a few minutes only to catch me still staring at him when he wakes. He smiles again, but this time he puts his arm over me and kisses my forehead.

“Well, I’d say good morning, but considering it’s almost noon, I think a good afternoon and we should get up is appropriate,” Ben says as he watches me with those ice blue eyes.

“Noon? Is it really that late?”

“Yep.”

And then I smell it. “Ick. My hair stinks like burnt wood.” I lift the covers to examine my body. All I have on is my jacket and underwear? I turn toward Ben.

“What?” His eyebrows arch, but the small smile splitting across his lips tells me he’s guilty. “I didn’t do anything.”

I glare at him, eyes wide and pressing for the truth.

He raises his hands in mock surrender. “You’d know if I ripped your clothes off.” He grins then drops his hands to my face and kisses me.

“Well, I do remember someone removing...” I’m abruptly interrupted by Ben’s warm lips, and between kisses, I say, “... my t-shirt and bra last night at the bonfire.”

I can feel Ben grinning against my lips.

“But, I don’t recall my sweats coming off... or putting my jacket back on,” I mumble.

“I carried you back here and you went directly to the bedroom, without giving me a kiss or saying goodnight. If I removed your clothes, it would be all of them.” Ben licks his lips as he examines my half-naked body.

I vaguely remember kicking off my sweats in the hall and slowly walking in that direction, constantly yanking my jacket down to cover my panties. I locate my sweats and bend over to pick them up. Ben’s arms reach around me and I squeal.

He’s still holding me and squeezes a little tighter, planting little kisses along the back of my neck.

“Stop it. That tickles.” I giggle.

“I can’t help it. I can’t get enough of you. And, well... let’s just say you can’t walk around in your panties in front of me. That drives me crazy and I want to devour you!” He continues to kiss the back of my neck between his words. His kisses tickle and I can’t stop laughing. Turning me around, Ben digs his fingers under my armpits, making me laugh so hard I almost throw up. We fall to the ground and I try, but I can’t get him off me. Then, I try to buck him off as I had with Danny last night, but it doesn’t work.

“I know your tricks and you won’t get me off you that way.” Ben stops tickling me and drags me up. His smile fades. “I saw you and Danny last night. I didn’t like it.” My heart sinks. “You two were having just a little too much fun and were way too touchy. Do you have feelings for him?”

I’m dumbfounded and uncertain how to answer. I know what I want to say, and I’m positive it will provoke a fight.

He’s staring at me like I’ve grown a horn and it pisses me off.

“That’s just plain stupid of you,” I say. “You have no right to be angry! Need I remind you that you said you’d be right back, again. How long was it this time, Ben?”

Ben just stares at me, his eyebrows knit together.

I’m so mad I can’t see straight, but I continue. “Be right back means a few minutes to me, but apparently it means whatever you want it to mean. You have some nerve complaining about Danny when you were up at the canopy talking Kennedy. Oh, wait. That must be okay for you!” I push away from him, anger and hurt filling my heart.

“No, that’s—”

I grab my sweats and storm down the hall, back to the bedroom. I hear Ben’s footsteps behind me, and I slam the door shut before he gets a hold of me, not wanting him to see me cry.

“Morgan, please let me in,” Ben pleads.

My suitcase is sitting in his closet. I yank it out and throw it on the bed.

“Open the door. Let’s talk about this.”

My things are still packed. I stare at the suitcase, unsure of what to do or how to feel. The thought of leaving Ben is torture to my soul.

“Please?” There’s a long pause. “Dammit!” He pounds his fist on the door several times and then I hear his footsteps depart.

The smell of my hair drifts inside my nostrils and makes my stomach turn. I head for the shower. The water is soothing, but stings the raw skin under my eyes.

After my shower, I step into the room and slip on my swimsuit, a pair of shorts, and a t-shirt. I listen for any sign of Ben. It’s too quiet and the silence only makes me feel worse. I spy the round pillow lying by the headboard. “Henry,” I say softly, and then snag it off the bed and bury my face into it as I laugh and cry.

A nap might be good right now; I’m tired and I know I’m rather emotional when I don’t get enough sleep. I hadn’t slept well the previous nights. I shove my suitcase on the floor and curl up on the bed with Henry.

I wake knowing someone is watching me. Holding on to Henry, I roll on my back and find Ben lying with his head propped on his hand, staring down at me. I attempt to turn away, but he grabs me and rolls me over so I’m left with no choice but to face him.

“I’m sorry. You’re right about me, and I never considered how you might feel. Please don’t be mad. I don’t like this feeling and I really hate to hear you cry. I’m sorry I made you cry, I really am. You have no idea how much I love you and I was just hurt, seeing you with Danny. The thought of you with anyone else kills me, crushes me even and I can’t begin to express how much it tears me up inside.” Ben gazes at me and his eyes look so sad and so sincere.

“Then why did you hang out with Kennedy, and for so long? You complain about Danny and I, but you’re with the one person I despise. Do you have any idea how I felt when I searched for you, and when I finally see you, you’re with her having a good old time. You whisper in her ear, laugh, and carry on while I sit by the fire, wondering what’s going on.”

“I guess I can see your point. I never thought of it like that, but you’re right. Kennedy is nothing more than a friend, I promise. I never dated her nor am I the least bit attracted to her. There is only one girl who drives me nuts because she is crazy beautiful and I swear I’d do anything for her.” He looks at me with so much sincerity in his eyes, and I know I can no longer be mad at him.

“What a lucky girl she is. When can I meet this crazy beautiful girl that you swear you’d do anything for?” I mock him.

“Right now, because I’m going to kiss her.” He leans down and kisses me, and it’s the most caring, meaningful kiss that tells me he loves me.

And then I realize something.

I push Ben away from me. His eyes get big, his confusion is apparent.

“I didn’t tell you I love you! I’m sorry. I meant to, but I was wrapped up in everything you were saying. I love you, Ben. I love you so—”

His lips crash against mine, and then he’s kissing me and laughing at the same time. I break the kiss.

“What?”

“You’re awesome! You did tell me you loved me last night, but that’s okay because the more you tell me, the more I’ll believe it.” He squeezes me tighter.

“I love you, love you, love you.” I grab his face and kiss his cheek.

“Hey,” he says, “I have to leave for a little while, but we’ll finish this,” he caresses my cheek with the backside of his hand, “when I get back. I promised Danny I’d help him fix his Glider.”

I give him a few more kisses before I let go of him. “All right, but hurry back.”

It’s almost three o’clock when I remember I’m supposed to meet Rosa. After grabbing a towel, I head for the pool.

Rosa isn’t at the pool yet and it’s already three fifteen. I think we agreed to meet here, but I can’t be certain so I make a trip to her place.

I knock on her door, but no one answers. I knock again, and again... and again. I press my ear against the door but hear nothing. Maybe she forgot and went to Miguel’s. I don’t know, so I go back to the pool.

There’s nobody here. I sit at a table hidden by a palm tree and shed my shorts and t-shirt. I’m certain I brought a towel but it isn’t in my bag. I must have dropped it. I look around, but quickly duck down when I see Danny and Ben pushing through the pool doors. I can tell by the stern looks on their faces that they’re in serious conversation. Hmm...

I strain to hear them, but find it unnecessary when Danny’s voice elevates.

“Would you risk that? Heck! We don’t even know if she’ll come back. You say she’s been seeing things, probably moments of her life. And we both know what that means, Ben. You should get out now. Take the pain before it only gets worse. Don’t worry about breaking her heart because she’ll end up going back anyway, and then she won’t remember any of this. Not like we did.”

What? Am I hearing him correctly, and is he talking about me? I’m crushed because I know the answer. Why is he so insensitive regarding my feelings? What about me?

“I don’t care. I can’t do that. Not to her and not to my—”

“Listen to yourself! Are you really willing to risk your heart?”

“Yes! Yes, Danny, I’d risk everything for her... including my life. I’ll do anything for her. Same as you once said you’d do for Ashley.”

“We both know how it ended. Ashley’s gone and it’s doubtful, after this long, that she’ll be coming back. I don’t want to see you go through what I’ve went through. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. Morgan is having the same signs with the dreams and headaches. Has she told you about her dreams... in detail?”

There’s a short pause.

“You need to ask because her dreams will give you clues to how much time she does or doesn’t have. When that time comes, it’ll be better if she has it all pieced together. Just like we did. I regret not being able to see the signs with Ashley, until it was too late. She might have found her way back if I’d been more aware of what was going on with her.”

There’s a long drawn out silence. And in that silence, I’m finding it hard to sit still.

I want to hear more, need to hear more. My head is full of questions and worry. What is going to happen to me? What had happened to Ashley that made her leave and not come back? What is it about my dreams and the headaches and....

I’m ready to jump out of my hiding spot and ask what the hell is going on and what I have to figure out. Instead, I try to absorb and remember everything they’re saying and keep it safely in my head.

When nobody speaks, I attempt to peek, but quickly retreat when Danny glances in my direction and they both stand up. I sneak another peek when I think they’ve left, but I catch Danny searching around.

“Something isn’t right; someone is watching us,” Danny says.

Oh no! What will I do if they see me? What will I say? My heart is slamming against my chest.

Ben lets out a hard, low chuckle. “You’re just being paranoid. Do you see anyone in here? Look around, the place is empty.”

“No, but I know I’m sensing something. I know this feeling and I can smell her. It’s a sweet aroma.” Danny’s standing next to Ben and tapping his lips. “You should know her smell better than I. Why can’t you smell it?”

Ben just looks at Danny and laughs. “Whatever. I’m pretty sure it’s me you smell. Because, you know, her scent is all over me, but...” he points toward the entrance and continues, “... in your favor, maybe it’s that towel lying over there.”

My towel! I crouch down as small as possible, praying they won’t find me eavesdropping.

Ben walks over and picks up the towel. Pulling it up to his nose, he inhales with his eyes closed. “It’s her towel,” he says as he continues to bury his face in it. And then he looks around. “I wonder when she was here?”

I’ve never been more relieved than when I see Ben throw my towel over his shoulder and they both leave. Fifteen minutes pass before I come out of hiding.

I keep rolling the words of their conversation around in my head. Moments of her life. My life. Who am I... where am I... and why am I so confused? My head spins and my legs give out. A few bar stools come crashing to the ground with me. I lay there for a few seconds, fearful of where my head might take me. I don’t think I can handle another episode of the girl who is me and the bloody gore she brought last time.

My vision clears, but I suddenly feel uneasy in this big area with the very creepy pool.

She will end up going back anyway, Danny’s words replay as I walk the halls and head back to Rosa’s. I desperately need to talk to her. I’m hoping she can help me figure some of this out.

There are people in the halls, and I think someone calls for me, but I’m so numb that I continue without a backward glance.

Standing in front of Rosa’s door, I knock a few times and wait. No one answers. I pound on it. “Rosa! Rosa, please! I’m begging you to answer—I need to talk to you. Please! Rosa!”

The doorknob turns and the door opens, but it isn’t Rosa’s face I see. “Miguel, where’s Rosa? I need to talk to her, badly.” I can’t help it. I break down and cry. I notice Miguel’s face is wet, and his usual smiling lips are turned down.

“What’s wrong? Is it Rosa?”

He doesn’t respond, but only shakes his head. I can tell by his pinched expression that he’s trying real hard to hold back a sob. But he fails.

I shake him. “Miguel! What happened to Rosa? Please. Is it bad? Miguel?”

“Rosa’s all gone now... all gone!” He heaves and sobs. “She disappeared... they took her back—made her go away!” His whole body shudders.

“Oh, god! You... you have to tell me, Miguel. What happened? Was she ill?” I’m trying real hard to hold it together.

“She had many headaches that were getting worse and she was having dreams of falling or flying and then more dreams—bad dreams mostly. That’s all I know.” Miguel cries and looks apologetically at me as he begins to shut the door.

I put my foot in the door and reach out my arms to give him a hug. “I need more. More information. Please...”

“I’m sorry, Morgan. I have nothing more to offer.” He disappears behind Rosa’s door.

My place is down the hall from Rosa’s, and I’m going to go there. I don’t care if Ben says it’s not safe, because it seems my very existence is in jeopardy.

The living room is cold, but I continue my walk-through searching for clues. I open my closet door next, but nothing really jumps out at me. I stand there for a few minutes and then walk out.

Moments of her other life; she will end up going back anyway and she won’t remember any of this... not like we did, Ben.

Risk my heart for her. Risk my life for her.

My dreams and headaches are supposed to be clues about how much time I may or may not have. Time for what? To live... to die? What?

Time here, time there, who am I really? I need to get out of here, out of this place. I throw open my front door and run down the hall. No reason to shut the door. There’s no flat screen televisions or expensive equipment to steal.

No televisions or equipment! My iTouch! I don’t know why, but I need it, want it, and I find myself heading to Ben’s place.

I’m thankful to learn he’s not back yet, thankful for the time alone to hopefully figure something out. Something about myself and my life.

My suitcase is still on the floor. I step over it and snatch my iTouch from the dresser. Thankfully, it powers on considering I hadn’t charged it since... I don’t know. Where’s the charger? Where’re the outlets? Why am I just now noticing these things? Am I...?

Scrolling through the iTouch, I pause over the ‘Pictures’ icon before I click on it.

Pictures... many pictures... strange people. Who are they? I stop scrolling and click on a picture with me and another man... who isn’t Ben... or Danny... or anyone here. There’s a caption below and it reads: James and Morgan.

The next picture: Terri, James, and Morgan at Red rocks.

Next: Wildflowers in Aspen.

Next: My BMW M6 Convertible

Next! James Cannon.

I shake my head in disbelief. “No pictures of Ben? No Danny, Kennedy, Melody, Rosa or Miguel? No Darnell and Cheia?”

I check emails. Ones I’ve sent. I open the one addressed to James. And read: Please stop asking me to marry you. It will never happen. You want kids. I don’t. You’re not Mr. Right, for me. Your future wife is out there and awaits you. Please, do us both a favor and go find her. Get on with your life and I’ll do the same.”

My iTouch clatters to the ground. “NO! This isn’t happening! What is happening to me? Who the hell am I?!”

I can’t do this. I have to get out of here. I just have to. I can’t face Ben... or Danny. “I hate this... I hate it!” I jump off Ben’s bed and run out of his home and enter the hall.

I run, trip, and run again. My life is not my life and I don’t know whose it is, but I know, without a doubt, I want this life. This life where Ben exists.

“Morgan? Wait! Morgan... don’t... where... what’s—” Ben hollers, but I can’t’ stop running. I run for my sanity, run for my life... whatever or wherever that may be... I have to figure things out!

Four steps.

Three steps.

Two steps...

––––––––

Your fear will fail you and the reaper will call! Cries

resound and from the tombs they crawl. Of the shadows

and darkness will become your walls!

––––––––

ALTHOUGH MY HEART AND MIND ARE in agony, I focus on some of the details. The path is familiar and I recognize the flowers, trees and petals lining the ground.

The light fades and it only gets darker the closer I get to the woods. There’s a path ahead and I recall the trees from the evening I spent on Ben’s balcony.

I stop running when there are no sounds coming from behind me. There’s a chill in the air and a sudden gust of wind blows, whipping my hair back and forth. The only light is coming from the sliver of moon visible through the swaying branches in the forest.

I realize wanting to be alone is not such a good idea and try to step back, but the wind is so strong, as if it has hands and is shoving me forward. I’m straining and digging my heels into the ground, but it’s not working! My heart is hammering hard against my chest while my erratic breathing is making me dizzy.

Faint sounds of crying pierce my ears, and I think it’s an animal, but as it gets louder, I realize there is more than one and it’s human. HUMAN! And they’re babies. BABIES! I stop struggling and focus on my surroundings and their cries. Through the flickering light, I see a stairway—a thick curtain of fog looming over it. I’m fearful and I want to scream, but there’s a lump in my throat and my tongue feels thick. I’m fighting, throwing my body back, and still trying to dig my heels into the murky ground with a cast of frost coating the surface.

More sounds of whimpers and cries reach out to me, and I can almost see their tiny fingers stretching and begging for me to take a hold, to pull them to safety.

A thunderous boom permeates deep within the forest and causes a network of goosebumps to travel over my skin. A familiar pain shoots through my head, and all I can think about is why? Why now?! I’m afraid, afraid of the dream, but it’s much worse! I’m not in a dream, I’m wide-awake as I realize the thunderous sound is the pool... the water... and it’s alive. ALIVE! It’s crashing in, over, and through the trees. I see all the debris, the dead branches, and the mountains of murky water coming straight for me.

I try to scream but the winds swirl around and take my breath away. I don’t know if it’s the fear of dying or a stronger will to live that gives me a sudden burst of adrenaline, but it’s enough for me to hold my position and keep the wind from pushing me further into the sea of death. But it’s really not enough!

The water forges on and it’s louder than ever. And then I see it, see her! The girl, who is me, and she smiles real big but her teeth are coated with a mixture of blood, leaves and mud. Her eyes are bleeding and I’m reminded of the last time I saw her. I rub my own eyes but that’s a huge mistake because that one simple distraction causes me to stumble forward. With all my willpower, I push back as hard as I can and I’m suspended in my spot.

Water, mud, leaves, twigs, dead trees, and hands! White jackets with headless forms roll in the mixture and there are so many of them! Their hands stretch out from the coats they wear, and just like a pop, pop, pop! heads dart up from below the jackets. They’ve got red eyes with clown faces and sharp teeth. They’re rolling and rolling and coming toward me and I can’t stop them!

Through all the noise and chaos, I hear a faint voice. The whispers of my name travel along the winds and kiss my ears. “Morgan, Morgan. Come to me, come to us,” they say in tiny, sweet voices.

“Moooooorrrrgaaan!” Someone shouts and I know it’s Ben.

“Ben,” I say, but my voice is gone. GONE!

“Release your fear and I shall take you beyond your world. Do you remember your world, Morgan Masters?”

The voice, the familiar voice of my friend!

“Yes, Morgan Masters, Tis I.”

“I do. I remember some of that world and I don’t want to go back! Please—”

“Your fear will fail you and the reaper will call! Cries resound and from the tombs they crawl. Of the shadows and darkness will become your walls!

I’m struggling through the thunderous sounds of tidal waves with evil things searching for my soul, to understand his meaning.

“Let not the eyes betray the heart or down you fall into the shallowly grave!”

I cry and scream through laborious breaths, and then there’s wind and rain and leaves flying off the branches, swirling and scattering all around me. My legs go weak and my whole body shakes. Fear? No this is not fear, this is TERRIFIED.

“I don’t know! I don’t know what you’re saying,” I scream through my hysteria.

“Your fear shall find you and drag you under! Where is your fear, Morgan Masters? Where is your fear? And who is your beloved?”

“No!” I kick and scream as they grab for my feet while absorbing his words. I don’t know why, but I remember a saying; ‘Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts’ and it suddenly becomes my mantra.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Think happy thoughts. Ben! Ben! And I instantly remember the arms who dragged me away from certain death. He’s brought me to safety more than once. My beloved.

“BEN!” I scream and scream as I keep my eyes closed. And the words my friend had spoken suddenly make sense. I am my fear and Ben’s my beloved. I think of him and my fear dissipates. I continue to call for him. “BEN!” And while I do, I hear sounds of rushed breaths and crunching debris as feet slap the ground at a rapid pace.

“MORGAN! Where are you? Call out... to me! Please!”

“BEN! BEN! BEN!” I repeat over and over again and I realize the thunderous waves and the evil that be can be drowned out by me. “BEN!”

Hands swoon in from behind, but I don’t jump or flinch. I keep my eyes closed and push my fear away. I know I’ll survive, but I know I have yet another wall to climb. I’m just not certain of the day or time.

Fingers, all kinds of fingers are clawing and yanking my feet. I feel an odd sensation and a burst of strength rushes through me. I take it and with all the power in me, I kick and kick and it doesn’t hurt when my heels hit the sludgy grounds of the forest.

“Keep kicking! Keep kicking,” Ben hollers through the flurry of winds flying around us, through us.

I kick and scre am “BEN,” until we fall back, hard, like the seal of a suction just burst and set us free.

All sounds spiral away, down, down, down, they go, to the pits of hell they fall.

The only sound now is the labored breaths of Ben and I. I haven’t opened my eyes yet. I don’t think I can. Not even when Ben scoops me up and cradles me in his arms. I don’t have to see to know he’s carrying me away from this place.

I’m exhausted but I have to ask, “Why is this happening to me?” Tears flood my cheeks, but I never open my eyes, only let my head fall against his chest.

I don’t remember Ben carrying me through the halls, but now that I’m in my safe haven, I open my eyes to find Ben lying next to me. He’s staring down at me with his big beautiful eyes. I marvel at his handsome face, knowing these moments were somehow nearing an end. My tears come again.

I think of Rosa.

“Rosa’s gone. She’s gone. Where is she? Where did she go? Where will I go?”

“I’m sorry, Morgan. Miguel stopped at Danny’s and told us about Rosa. He said you came over looking for her. He was worried about you after you left, but I don’t know where she is.”

“I was at the pool when you and Danny came walking in. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you were talking about me, so I hid. I need to know, Ben. Where am I going? Please tell me and I’ll tell you about my dreams in return, but you have to help me out here before I go crazy.” I stop to catch my breath. And then tell him of my dreams.

Ben hurts with me; I see it in his face as I continue.

I tell him about my body drifting in the mountains... about thunder and lightning striking me... spiraling down a mountainside... pieces of black shiny things and broken glass... how each dream changes... until the first dream of the pool, of the girl, who is me, but isn’t really. How the visions continue to be her, me, the blood and gore of the pool, and then I shudder over the events of this evening... in that forest.

Ben is watching me and I can tell he’s sorting out the details. He closes his eyes and rubs his temples. When he opens his eyes, he says, “Remember when I told you that you had to be careful because you’re unfamiliar with your surroundings?”

“Yes. It was last night at the bonfire. You also said something about treacherous roads.”

“Well, the places I speak of are dangerous, but the forest... I’ve warned you about it. It’s the most dangerous. What happened tonight—do you have any idea how this could have ended for you, for us?” His face turns red, indicating his anger. “If I hadn’t seen you running down the hall, and then toward the woods...” he shudders, “... or heard you, let alone found you, it may very well have been the death of you. God!” He digs his palms into his forehead.

I could have lost my life, not once, but twice. I would never see Ben again if that had happened. It horrifies me and what’s worse, I don’t even know why I ran into the forest to begin with. I was upset, yes, and I ran for the sake of relief, but my what? My body? Kept going in that direction.

“When you do go back, it has to be when your time is up and it has to be in a way similar to the way you came here. You have no control over this. When it happens, it happens. But for now, you’ll stay with me, and no wandering off without my knowing where you are.” He leans in and hugs me.

After our discussion, Ben suggests we go up on the rooftop and gaze at the stars. I agree and we take a cushion and some pillows with us.

We lay there for a while before we both fall asleep. This is one of the only nights I don’t dream.

The next morning, Ben wakes before I do. He’s lying with his head propped on one hand as he watches me wake. Seeing his smiling face is always the best way to start my day.

“Mornin’ sunshine,” Ben says as he kisses my cheek and runs his free hand along the side of my face. “I was thinking we could go to the pool today and hang out with Darnell and Cheia. Then, when everyone leaves, we can swim alone for a while.”

I kiss his cheek and say, “Okay.” He helps me up and we go back inside to get ready.

We arrive early and are the only ones at the pool. There’s a sign posted.

Pool Party at Noon!

“A pool party, Ben?”

“Yeah, I guess I kind of left that part out, didn’t I?” The way he smiles, I know he deliberately left it out. “Let’s get in before everyone comes. Just you and me for a while.”

“All right.” I set my bag on a table and remove my top. Ben’s watching me as I slide my shorts down and kick them off.

“Nice swimsuit,” he says while he examines my white bikini. I give him a little smile but don’t reply as I walk toward the pool swaying my hips.

Ben dives right in as I take my time getting into the water. He pops out of the water looking sinfully sexy all wet and glistening. I appreciate his sexiness, but I’m finding it hard to be cheerful. I’m depressed and can’t stop thinking about yesterday, about being separated from him. The thought makes my gut twist.

Ben’s crooking a finger at me. I walk slowly toward him, but keep my head down so he won’t see my watery eyes. He drags me into him. He feels so large against me, and something about this scene sparks a memory.

I shudder.

He holds me tighter.

It was him! In my dream before... before all of this, but I’m not sure what or who I was before this. My thoughts go back to the dream:

I’m standing in a large glass enclosure... in motionless water, but I’m not alone. I know I’m trapped in the four-foot section, not too far from the endless pool’s edge. I also know that escape should be easy, but I’m stifled by the intruder’s presence, and I stand erect, paralyzed by fear. My heart pumps harder—my nostrils flare.

I try to be silent, but my breathing turns rapid as creases ripple across the length of the pool. I want to run, but I’m terrified, certain my legs are dead weight anchoring me to one spot.

Wake up! Wake up or you’re going to die!

The ripples turn to waves and swoosh past the long stretch ahead before slapping the wall and retreating. I sense his approach. My heart quivers. Blood rushes up my neck and thuds against my eardrums. Chills sweep in a feathery dance along my spine, and I shiver.

My windpipes whistle.

He hears it... the panic in my breathing.

His energy radiates, sending a chain reaction of goosebumps to mix with the crosshairs of my skin as he moves closer. His shadow towers and spills far ahead. No need to turn around, I know he’s peering down at me.

Escape is out of the question. He’ll never allow it. Before I can react, burly arms wrap around me and pull me tight against a massive chest. With the weight of his body, he presses into my back, and plunges us into the water. The cement bottom gives away and a powerful vacuum sucks us under before the cement seals itself behind.

I hold my breath until I can no longer—

“Morgan!” Ben’s shaking me. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I think about the dream, and I’m not afraid. I glance up at Ben and nod.

“What was that all about? It’s like you went on a mind trip or something.”

“I... I remember a dream. Not one of the one’s I’ve shared with you, but one from... I don’t know, but it was you. You were in that dream and I was scared.” I stop when I see the confusion in Ben’s eyes, in the way he arches one brow and his lips are slightly parted.

I tell Ben about the dream, and it’s weird, but I don’t feel frightened by it like I had previously. Whenever, wherever, that had been.

To my surprise, Ben doesn’t say anything, he just holds me tight and I rest my head on his chest. Feeling a little better, I let go of Ben and dive forward.

We swim alone for a while before I make my way to the steps and take a seat, and watch Ben swim. He floats on his back, eyes on me for a short time before he comes and drags me back into the water on top of him. He stays afloat for a while, then starts to sink. I try to pull away from him, but he drags me under the water. Before I have a chance to get away, Ben’s lips are on mine and he’s kissing me. It’s disgustingly good, and I want more, but we must surface.

Ben continues his assault above water. He lifts me up, never breaking the kiss, and I wrap my legs around him as he runs his hands up and down my sides.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Danny says as he flops in the pool, sending water our way.

Interruptions can always be counted on when Ben and I start to get a little too sweet.

“Not you again,” I reply, my annoyance clear.

“Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“No, I’m just a little crabby.”

Ben releases me. “Hey, Danny,” he says and they start talking about Gliders and guy things. Not wanting to be in the pool, I jump out and head for a lounge chair. I lie down and drag a towel over me.

My eyes are heavy as I watch Ben and Danny swim laps, competing for first place. They’re both quick, but Ben’s faster. He beats Danny every time. I give him the thumbs up when he looks over at me.

I fall asleep watching the boys be boys. When I wake, I see a pool full of people. I search for Ben, but don’t see him. I sit up and scan the surrounding area, but fail to find him. I’m about to climb out of my lounge chair when he speaks.

“Looking for someone?” Ben says and I roll over to find him lying behind me.

I give him my best scowl.

“What?” he says with a cheesy grin on his face.

“I was looking for you and you know it.”

He smiles and yanks my lounge next to his. “Come here,” he says, but doesn’t wait and drags me onto his chair.

“Mmm.” I cuddle up next to him, knowing he will always have his way with me—as long as he smiles at me the way he does.

“Are you still tired?” Ben asks.

“A little; I’m just sad and depressed and I think it’s taking all the energy out of me.” I bury my face in his bare chest. Ben doesn’t say anything, he just plays with my hair. “Can we go back to your place, now?”

“Okay. Let me go tell everyone we’re leaving.”

“I’ll gather our things while you say your goodbyes.” I give him a little hip bump and then begin packing our stuff into my bag.

After we leave the pool, we walk hand in hand, silently through the halls. I’m exhausted, too tired to talk about anything. When we arrive at Ben’s place, I head directly to bed even though it’s only half past three.

My dreams are vivid and terrifying.

Walking through some rugged terrain in the mountains, the ground becomes muddy and I struggle to walk through it without sinking, but the mud gets deeper and I’m already knee deep. I try to drag my legs forward and my struggles get me to dry land. I feel something pulling at my legs and I scream, No, no, no! I’m kicking at the force and I can feel my legs moving...

“Morgan! Wake up... wake up!” Ben shakes me and I wake to find myself kicking him. My hair clings against my damp forehead and Ben brushes it away.

“Sorry, I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, of course not. Must have been some dream,” he says and caresses my cheek.

“Yeah. Something was trying to pull my legs down, and I was already sinking in some mud. That’s about all I remember.”

“I’m sorry you had such a bad dream. Are you hungry? It’s eight-forty and we haven’t had dinner yet.”

“No, I’m not really hungry, Ben. I just want to go back to sleep. You go get something to eat. I think I’ll be out for the rest of the night.” I rub my eyes and smile at him.

Ben leans over and kisses my forehead. “Okay. I won’t be far if you need me,” he says and then rolls off the bed.

I must have slept peacefully the rest of the night. I don’t remember when Ben came back to bed or if he even did. I glance over at the clock. It’s nine a.m. and Ben isn’t next to me. I get up and search for him. I find a note.

Hey. I’m at Danny’s place. I promised him I’d help finish fixing his Glider. Stay close... go nowhere other than the places you know are safe. Love you, Ben.

PS: If you go anywhere, leave me a note.

This day is no different from yesterday. Still feeling depressed, I get in the shower, hoping it will make me feel better. No such luck. I throw on some sweats and a t-shirt. I need some fresh air.

––––––––

––––––––

He has this connection... a pull of sorts, unearthing the

very life of me and sucking me in to his own soul.

––––––––

LOVE IS THE MOST PAINFUL AND powerful emotion anyone can ever experience. Never in my life, this one or the other, have I experienced anything of this magnitude. How can something so beautiful be so painful? I think about this as I lie on a soft patch of green grass surrounded by flowers, and stare at the cloudy sky.

The moments I’m away from Ben, I long to be with him, to feel him, touch him, and hold him, forever. I’ll never be okay without him. I can’t let go, and I cry. I cry because it hurts too much to think about not having him by my side.

“I can’t do this! I just can’t!” I scream to no one in particular.

My heart is in a constant state of ache. Is there a way to make it stop? I roll on my side and bury my face in my hands. It doesn’t help. I get up and take a walk, but I really want to run away from the pain.

I push and pump my legs as I run toward the sandy beach where Ben told me, for the first time, he loved me.

Remembering to stay away from the one dark spot along the edges of the trees, I catch the place where we lay that night, and when I get there, I fall to my knees. The tears are endless. I’m reliving those beautiful memories, but this time it hurts. I can’t do this. I push myself up and run back to my mockery of a home.

Why is my door unlocked? Did I forget to lock it the last time I was here? Does it matter? No. Nothing matters anymore. I know I’m not supposed to be here, per Ben, but who cares. I open the door and step in. I wander to my closet to retrieve a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I’m standing there, my body numb as I thumb through the folded clothes on the shelf.

Anger and tears are all I have left. I stop flipping through the clothes and toss them on the ground—one by one until I reach for the next article, a crumpled up sundress. There’s dried mud mixed with gold, purple, and green stains on it.

I touch it, and then pick it up. Something sick swirls in my stomach, and I can feel the beginning of a slow tremble in my fingers, working down my limbs. I’m frightened and I know I need to release the sundress, but it sticks to my open palm as if it’s fusing with me.

Oh god, oh god! What’s happening to me? Please, oh god!

Objects flash in front of me, but it’s hazy. Then the fog clears, and I can see myself flying backward, away from my room, down the cool halls, through the glass doors of the pool room, weaving through the tables and chairs, and then the cold water of the pool sucks me under and I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe!

I pop out into the place that horrified me not long ago. My trembling body begins to shake violently as I continue to travel in reverse down the path and over the purple, dusty stairs. So many colors flash before my eyes until darkness consumes me. I feel my heart racing against time and suddenly, the darkness is absorbed by light. But then I’m flying faster and faster through a much greener forest.

I’m sucked into a black convertible with the top down, but the car is spiraling up, up, up and then it feels like I slammed into a wall as my body crashes forward, my head hitting the windshield. Flashes soar past me, around me, but it’s so fast I can’t see what it is. There’s a force within it that suddenly lifts me from my car and I’m floating in the air. Up, up, up until I feel something hard scraping against my back, under my dress. It takes a minute before I realize I’m hanging from a branch, a petrified tree lodged into the rocky walls of the mountainside. I feel the blood dripping down my forehead, out of my nose and ears. I can taste the metallic tang of it on my tongue.

There’s a loud explosion, which is my car as it hits the bottom. Everything begins to spin. Sounds of sirens, helicopter blades, people shouting, and chaos is all around me. My head is foggy before I black out.

A hiss and a whir... my chest expanding and collapsing... hard object in my mouth that tastes like... plastic....

I wake, and I’m zooming forward, in a car, a black BMW M6 convertible with the top down cruising along a steep road in the mountains. The sky darkens... clouds swirl and accumulate... and roll in big masses toward my car... purple rain coming down in sheets... a large streak of lightning jumps down from the blackness above and blinds me....

Down.

Down.

Down.

My car spirals down, down, down the mountain, but I’m floating out of it, being carried by a strange force that vibrates all around me. I glance back at the mountain and I see her. I see the girl from my dreams, who is me but isn’t, hanging by her dress, the same white dress I have on, in the petrified tree embedded into the rocky walls. She glances up at me, her face bleeding, eye’s begging as her mouth opens in a silent plea. I don’t have to hear her to know what her plea is. She’s asking for life, for me to save us. To be wise and choose the right path. I think I nod because she smiles before she dissolves into tiny pieces; the wind carrying the ashes in the direction it blows.

The vibration that moves me zooms forward and down, my body spinning. Life stops again, and when I open my eyes I see light glinting through the canopy of trees as I’m lying flat on the forest ground.

A sudden whir, like a gush of wind moves nearer and louder.

My heart races.

It whooshes closer, too close, but I’m not afraid. I’ve been here before, and before he can speak, I say, “I know you’re there and I remember this part... going through the forest, choosing a path, the wrong one at first but escaping in time to take the right one. The one that carried me to the beautiful place I want to go back to.”

“The forces of life call back for you. Only a temporary pause in the life you seek shall keep you there. But time is not definite and your soul must return,” my familiar friend says.

I’m flying through the forest.

Faster.

Faster.

Faster!

I’m panting and shaking until I feel the tickle of breath against my ear. Strong arms envelop me and draw me close to its solid warmth. The sound of a rapid heartbeat pounds against my ear, but it’s not my own.

“Come back, love. Come back to me.” Ben’s voice is so soft, so sad.

My eyes snap open. “Ben,” I say breathlessly and stare at his beautiful face. His eyes are blue pools of pain, his cheeks and lips wet with tears.

“Thank you,” he says with trembling lips. “Are... are you okay?”

“I’m... well, I don’t know.” I close my eyes, rehearsing those words ‘Your soul must return’ and replay the images—forward... reverse... forward... reverse until everything comes crashing back. ‘The forces of life call back for you.’ The things I’d seen... my life in reverse, the period in time which somehow brought me here. ‘But a temporary pause in this world shall keep you here.’ ‘Your soul must return... yoursoulmustreturnyour soulmustreturnyoursoulmustre—’

I realize I’m still holding on to a corner of the sundress. I release it instantly.

I’m figuring things out. The dreams, the girl, my failed memory. I’m in a different world, but I don’t think I’m complete. My body lays in a hospital connected to life support, but somehow, someway, someone brought me here, to this beautiful place I never want to leave. ‘Your soul must return.’ ‘A temporary pause... ’

I’m still confused. How can I be here and there? How? ‘Your soul must return.’

The thought crushes me.

I know Ben knows what’s going on in my head, but I ask anyway. “I don’t want to go back. Do I have to go back there?” By the sadness in his eyes, he gives me the answer I already knew.

There’s an awful ache in my heart, and I fear it’s there to stay. For a while? Or forever?

As Ben and I still lay on my bedroom floor, another question comes to mind. Before he can answer my last question, I want to talk. Talking should help, shouldn’t it?

“Whenever I’m alone, here in my home, I’ve always felt like someone was watching me. It used to creep me out, but now I wonder. Do you think it’s the people from the other world watching over me while I’m in a...” I can’t say it. My mind demurs from the word Coma.

He shakes his head like he’s irritated, but I keep talking.

“And the night of the Gala Ball, something was pulling me, dragging me backward. I could feel my insides being sucked away.”

“That’s a good assumption, but there’s a bigger problem here,” he bit out, cutting his narrow eyes at me. “Why did you come here alone? What possessed you to venture out by yourself? Apparently I haven’t made it clear that you can’t be by yourself.”

He’s not irritated. He’s pissed!

And so I get angry because I don’t know why he’s mad at me. “Why does it matter? I have to go back anyway. Against my own will!”

“It matters, Morgan. It matters to me and it should matter to you. If it were up to me, I would make you stay forever, but I don’t have that privilege. I only have faith in knowing you’ll find your way back, to me.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it. I was angry about everything that’s been thrown at me. I’m... I’m angry because I can’t stand the thought of being away from you!” I cry and he holds me tighter.

“God. I know. Do I ever know. You would have come here, and went through all of this eventually, but it would have been with me. Don’t you see that? Don’t you understand I’m here to protect you?”

Is that all I am to him? A responsibility? To save me from what? Myself? “I’m sorry I’ve been such a burden for you. I’m sorry I want to know what my fate is... where I’m going and what, if any, future I have!” I’m so mad I’m shaking.

‘Your soul must return... ’

Ben is saying something, but I can’t hear him over the thoughts now in my head. My soul must return. ‘The forces of life call back for you. Only a temporary pause in the life you seek shall keep you there. But time is not definite and your soul must return.’ And suddenly, I understand. The forces of life call back for me. Only a temporary pause in the life I seek shall keep me here. But time is not definite and my soul must return.

I see my body in the hospital bed connected to life support. I’m in a coma. My soul has been lifted and brought here. The forces of life call back for you. I’ll wake from the coma. Only a temporary pause in the life you seek shall keep you there. I seek life here, with Ben, in this world. Because Ben found me not once, not twice, but three times, saving me from an uncertain death, I’ve been granted more time. But time is not definite and your soul must return. My time is limited and my soul must return to my body, to the life and the world I was born into.

“Ben!”

He startles and jumps. “What?”

“Will... will I return? I mean, can I come back?”

He’s staring at me and by the way he’s holding my gaze, his eyes say all I need to know. That he cannot tell me yes or no, but that I must figure it out. This time, I’m not angry. I’ve ‘figured’ this much out and I know, with all of my soul, that it’s possible. Possible for me to return, that I’m not supposed to die. Ben knows this and his anger is over my ignorance, over me jeopardizing my life by crossing boundaries I’m unfamiliar with. He wants me to return to him. How and when is what I need to determine, but I know that I won’t be able to do that until I return to my body. Until I am whole.

My soul must return.

Ben smiles, as if he knows exactly what went through my mind, and he’s happy that I’ve figured it out.

I glare at him. I want to know how he does this. “How do you know these things, Ben? What I’m thinking?”

He stares into my eyes with great intensity. “Your eyes are a window into your soul. The way your pupils dilate when you’re happy, and constrict when you’re mad.”

I snap, eyes wide with sudden realization. I have to know. I reach out to touch him, and press my palm against his bare chest. It’s warm, solid and in the flesh. He’s whole: body, flesh and soul. I look down at myself, chest to toes and my breath catches. I drag my fingers along my... my skin, but it doesn’t feel like skin, or Ben. Though I feel no flesh, I feel the barrier, the energy surrounding me. I have to know. I jump up and catch the startled look in Ben’s eyes. Does he know? Is he different?

Ben comes toward me and when he’s near enough, I press my palms against his chest. His warm, fleshy chest. But I also feel the energy behind it, behind the flesh and I know.

“Morgan?”

“How? How are you here in flesh, blood and spirit, and I’m not?”

“Don’t. Don’t do this. Don’t think about it that way. You’ve come this far and you’re just beginning to understand. You have to know that you are strong, that you’ll survive, that your future is with me. Please, let that be enough. The rest will come, but for now, let’s spend every moment together. As long as we stay positive, I think... No. I know everything will work out for us.” His megawatt smile and teary eyes make my heart melt, but I struggle to be positive when I know I’m the one leaving. I have to try, and I will because I love him. I need him. And I want my forever to be with only him.

“C’mon. Let’s go to our Secret Little Heaven. We can spend every moment together, starting now. And what better place to spend it at?” He’s positively exuberant, like a little boy with a new toy.

I hop off the floor. “All right then, let’s go.”

Once Ben and I step into the hallway, I feel ornery, like I want to challenge him. I give him my most devious grin and say, “I’m going to race you to the garages and I’m going to win!”

I take off before he can reply and dart down the hall as fast as my legs will go. I can’t look behind me, knowing he’ll whoop past me and flash me an I’m-so-going-to-leave-you-in-my-dust smile.

When I reach the front doors, I’m panting, and then I make the mistake of glancing toward the hall. Squeeeee! He’s three steps away from me! I suck in my tongue and shove past the doors.

“Yes!” I do a little victory dance at the edge of the garages and laugh when Ben snags me up, twirling me in circles.

Hand in hand, we walk toward his garage. My stomach twists with excitement when he opens the door and fires up the Air Glider. He pulls me in behind him and I wrap my arms around him, burying my face into his back.

I inhale him, his heaven and sunshine scent. And then I close my eyes, imagining he’s kissing me and loving me... and just when I imagine what he’ll feel like inside of me, the Glider stops. Dang! We’re at our Secret Little Heaven.

Walking through the clearing and nearing the waterfall, I reminisce of the times we’ve spent here. I can’t think about never being here again.

Ben clears his throat. “C’mon, I want to show you some of the beautiful things at the top of the waterfall.” He leads me up a set of steps.

“This takes us to a higher point where I can show you what lies beyond.”

Once we reach the top, I witness the most awe-inspiring scenery. Although I have a great fear of heights, I feel calm.

“Everything is so beautiful... so colorful... so heavenly.”

“Well, you don’t think I call this my... well... now it’s our Secret Little Heaven, for what lies down there?” He points to the clearing.

My mind wanders and I can only think about giving myself to Ben. We’re in the perfect spot, our spot. It’s beautiful... romantic... perfect... and I absorb all of its glory.

Maybe I’m being selfish and going against everything I believe, but if I have to leave, I want all of him before I go.

“Ben... Ben, I...,” I stare at the ground, my tears dropping and creating tiny mushroom clouds in the dirt.

He slips his arms around me and presses his chest against my back. He whispers, “Please, don’t cry. It hurts me to see you cry.” Then he kisses my ear.

My eyes close while he continues his assault along my neck. His lips feel insanely beautiful against my skin. I’m lost in the moment until he turns me around to face him. I gaze into his eyes, his serious and beautiful eyes, and I can see the love he feels for me in those soft, sweet baby blues. I close my eyes as his lips mingle with mine.

I imagine him making love to me, again, and I can almost feel him. My emotions are out of control. I love him with every beat of my heart, body, mind and soul. He wraps me tighter and gently lays me on the ground, without stopping his hands from moving across my back and then across the front. He moves his hand to my head, looks at me, and kisses me with great force. It’s deep and wanting and... it makes me shiver.

He pulls me up and nearly rips the buttons off my shirt before it falls to the ground. Slowly, he removes my bra, slides his fingers down the length of my arms, and softly kisses my neck. God, he feels so good.

He’s soft and rough and then he moves down dragging his lips along my naked breasts. I watch him while he moves over me and eventually, I close my eyes.

I trace his face and then his neck.

I want him. Badly. So bad that I don’t care if it hurts. I’ll take the pain because I love him.

He stops and glances at me. I stare back at him, trying to tell him it’s okay, that he can have all of me, but I don’t think he gets it. I’ll have to say it.

“Ben... Ben, I want you. I want you to take me. All of me. Right here, right now.”

He says nothing, but only stares. I don’t know what he’s thinking, and I worry that maybe I shouldn’t have told him. But then he kisses me and I feel safe and good and loved. And maybe, just maybe he’s going to give me what I want.

“I can’t do that. I want to and I want you just as much as I think you want me.”

His words cut me, bruise me and I want to hurt him back. I want to say evil and venomous things, but I can’t because I know I’ll burst into tears, probably sobs, and that will only add to my humiliation.

He kisses my head.

I jerk away.

“Come here,” he says, and before I can run, he wraps his arms around me and presses my head against his chest. “Don’t do this to me. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please understand when I say I can’t tell you why I can’t do this. It’s not because I don’t want you. Believe me, I want nothing more than to strip every thread of clothing from your body, throw you down, and explore every inch of you.

“I want to be inside of you, to feel you, to love you completely, but I can’t for reasons I’m not at liberty to share with you. Please, please find it in your heart to let this be enough for now. God, Morgan. I need you and I need to know you have faith in us to take my word and let it be enough. If you can do that, I know our dreams will become our future.”

My cheeks get hot and I have to look away from him to hide from his rejection and my shame. I wish for my time here to end this very minute.

“Oh man, Morgan, don’t do this... don’t do this to me and yourself. Look at me. Please?” he pleads, but I still can’t make myself look at him. It only makes him angrier, but I ignore him. He jerks my face toward his, forcing me to look at him.

I hate that I’m crying, but I love how he’s kissing my eyes and my tears. “You have no idea what will happen if I were to take you the way we both want me to, love.” His voice is soft but stern and he pulls me tighter, tilts my head, and kisses me roughly. And it feels incredible, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing it.

“Dammit! Stop being so stubborn and listen to me, please. Look at me!” He’s never said a foul word since I’ve known him, and so I look at him.

“I love you so much. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone in my life. You know that, right?” he asks and I blink through damp lashes. “If you don’t know it, I’m telling you right now. At some point, and I’m not sure when that is, you’ll understand why this isn’t possible right now. Please, just trust me on this. Our time will come and when it does, it will be right, I promise.”

There’s so much sincerity in his words, in the way he’s staring at me, and I have to believe he’s telling me the truth. Without a thought, I wrap my arms around him. I can hear his heartbeat. It’s fast, I think he’s nervous? Maybe he’s afraid of losing me. I can’t lose him. He’s my... he’s my what? He’s not my beginning because I don’t know where that is, but maybe he’s my end? No, I can’t think of us ending. I never want us to end. I love him more than I love my own life. He’s been my solace, my hero, my everything. I’m going somewhere and I don’t know where that is exactly. But Ben knows and for some god-forsaken reason, he can’t tell me everything. And I have to accept this, and I will because... because I believe in him. He says it will be okay, we’ll be okay, and I have to believe that. To think otherwise, to think I might never see him again, I can’t go there. I won’t go there. My heart can’t handle that and I don’t think my mind can either.

“I’m sorry. I do trust you and I love you so much that I would give up forever for you.”

He smiles. “Never give up forever for me. What would I do without you if you were to give up your forever-ness for me? I’d be alone and I never want that.” He gets a giggle out of me.

We decide to end our day and race across the clearing in our Secret Little Heaven. I feel happy again as we ride the Glider back home.

I continue to think about what was said and decide I’d still give up almost everything for Ben, but I won’t give up forever because we need it to be ours.

––––––––

Seek and you shall find, but time is of the essence.

––––––––

WAVES OF PAIN COME AND GO frequently and my dreams are of the other world, a world I don’t want to go back to, but have no choice.

Tears cascade down my cheeks as I watch Ben sleep. My heart aches knowing this might be the last kiss I give him as I lean over and press my lips against his forehead. “I love you, Ben. We’ll find each other. Never give up. It won’t be long—I promise,” I whisper, uncertain of my own promise.

He tosses, turns, and curls up next to me, then traces my lips with his thumb. “What’s wrong...? Why are you crying?”

“It’s... it’s time. They’re pulling me out of here. The... the other people. I don’t want to go, Ben,” I sob and exhale heavily. “I can’t be without you. I-I just can’t. I’ll die if I go back! I can’t live without...”

“Sh.” He rises to his knees, bringing me up with him, and moves forward, lips almost touching mine. “You have to get control of yourself. You have to be positive for both of us. How will anything we’ve talked about ever work if you can’t control your emotions?”

He speaks soft but stern before his breathing turns ragged. “I’m not trying to be harsh, but I love you and I need to know you can do this.”

Inhaling his scent drives a passionate urge deep within me and in this moment, he sweeps me in to the sweet bliss of a deep kiss. His touch is like no other, calming the darkness, soothing my soul, he makes me feel whole, complete, and... I have to get a grip on my emotions. I need to be strong for the two of us.

“You’re my life, too, and I’ll hold you right here.” He places his hand over his heart; his head falls against my shoulder and he nuzzles my neck. Wrapping my arms around him, I squeeze and clench his shirt, entwine it between my fingers. I only wish this would be enough to pull him through with me.

“Remember what I said.” He raises his head, his blue eyes hopeful underneath the disheveled mess of blond hair. “Focus on details, even the smallest ones. More importantly, mark a path and make sure you’re—”

A chill sweeps over me like icy fingers clawing at the back of my neck. “Ben? Oh, God! Ben. Ben! I can’t hear yyyooouuuu.” The words echo and I know this is it, the end of it all.

“B-Beh—” I cry again, but the strength of the pull feels like a weighted ball crashing against my chest, shoving me backward.

A high-pitched wail pours into the very core of my heart. Ben! I see tears spill down his cheeks as he dives toward me. I think he reaches me, but he falls right through me, as if I were a mere shadow—visible but transparent, and then he disappears.

Please, oh please, God, bring us back together. I can’t live without him.

I’m traveling through the halls and the first thing I do is turn on my iTouch and hit record. I’ve never taken it out of the waterproof case, and now I’m grateful as I strap it to my arm.

The first detail comes easily. Water fills my eyes, nose, and lungs; I’m in the pool. Even though Ben is not with me physically, he’s still with me. I feel his weight behind me as the cement bottom of the pool opens up and sucks me through. It seals behind me and when I turn back, I see the two large weathered doors that belong to the mansion. I beg to go back as I watch the walls of the mansion disappear behind me.

Though my heart is heavy with grief, I have to focus... for Ben and me. Then, I go through the gardens, foliage, trees, and a thin film of fog lining the air. Flower petals line the grounds leading toward the stairway, the stairway I had already known would take me away from here just as it had once brought me. It’s not scary. Not as it was the night I wasn’t supposed to be here. I float down the steps, and I’m just a short distance past them when I turn to look back. Holding my position, I watch as the stairs turn to sand and collapse to the ground, which too, disintegrates and changes into a wall of trees. I check my iTouch and it’s still recording. I aim it at the tilting trees.

I find some branches, some sticky branches covered in pink goo. I do my best to plant them in the ground like stakes, the only way I can think of to mark the path. I see a whole collection of them scattered around their source. One beautiful tree stands out among the many because the branches are covered in nothing but pink moss. I collect as many as I can.

I’m moving faster and I hear the rushing water of the river. After I pass it, my soul moves faster, so fast I can’t mark my path. Branches fly out of my hands, but I still have plenty when I reach the green thickets. I remember my previous journey and how I tried to turn around, but wasn’t able to. I try it again, except I’m wishing to go back to his world and not back to... mine. But again, the invisible barrier stops me.

Suddenly, a force pushes my body forward at unimaginable speeds. No longer can I control it. All the branches are flying out of my hands, and when there is nothing left, I do the only thing I can think of. I shout out what I see and pray that I’m loud enough for the iTouch to record it clearly.

I’m on the ground looking through a canopy of trees.

“The forces of life call back for you. Only a temporary pause in your life will keep you there. Seek and you shall find, but time is of the essence. Let your soul guide you and your soul will—”

Purple haze, purple rain... I fall back and see myself leaving this comforting place and entering my life before... before Ben... before the happiest moments of my life. Never forget! I love you, Ben! Never let go... I hold tight in my memory everything I’ve experienced and refuse to let go.

NEVER LET GO.

––––––––

There’s an ache, a formidable, gripping ache at the loss of him, the loss of us, shattering my heart and stealing my soul.

––––––––

GREEN, RED, BLACK, PURPLE AND WHITE colors flash before my eyes. Vibrating sounds buzz in my ears. My head thunders with explosions of pain. Each breath I take burns. I cough and retch with each force of the tug in my throat, poofs of air drawing upward with each wrench. I try to grab at it, but warm, callous fingers, press against my cold hands.

My eyelids flutter and I wake to a blinding light. “Ben? Ben, where are you?” I choke on the words. I search with my hands and pat frantically at the shadow standing next to me. I gulp hard at the deep burn of raw pain crowding at the back of my throat.

“Hey, hey, calm down, Morgan. It’s me, James. You’ve had a bad accident. Do you remember anything?”

The silhouette of a man with dark wavy hair leans over me. I blink several times before I notice his big, brown eyes staring at me. James? The name forms around my lips but I can’t say it.

Where’s Ben... Danny... the mansion. Where are they? Hot tears trickle down my cheeks.

The lines in James’ forehead deepen and his brows furrow. His eyes droop as if he’s sad.

Do I know him?

I cry relentlessly. “Ben! Danny. Everybody. The mansion. Where are they?”

“You were in a coma, Morgan. Maybe you were dreaming of people, but there’s no Ben or Danny... and no mansion. You don’t know anyone with those names. Maybe you were dreaming? I’m sorry, but this is me, James. Remember me, your boyfriend?” He shoots me a hopeful smile.

“You?” I whisper. “You can’t be my boyfriend.”

I stare at him as he tucks his hands into the front pockets of his faded jeans, shaking his head and lowering it. Without another word, he turns and walks away.

Who does he think he is, passing himself off as my boyfriend. Ha. Tall, dark wavy hair, copper eyes—he must be Italian. But to say he’s my boyfriend? No, no. I have a boyfriend.

Ben? I need you.

I let my head sink back into the pillow, and examine the tubes and wires connecting to my arms, head, and chest. Monitors beep and there’s the drip, drip, drip of the I.V. White walls, bright lights, medical equipment—I’m in the one place I hate, the hospital. I close my eyes wishing it all away.

I think about Ben. It seems like only moments ago I had been with him, lying by his side and... it’s too painful! I’m nobody without him. He lifts me up when I’m weak and sees the best in me when I’m at my worst. And right now, I’m at my worst and he’s not here to pull me out of it. I feel so lonely. I need him. Life without Ben is no life at all. I feel like everything beautiful had been given to me and then ripped away like some sick joke. I’m sick and lonely at heart. The tears keep rolling and I can’t turn them off. Why does my heart ache as if he’s died? I shake the horrible thought.

I don’t want to get out of this hospital bed; I want to fall back asleep and enter his world. Will I ever get past this point? Am I searching for something that isn’t real? I curl up in a ball—an attempt to ease my aching heart—and finally fall asleep.

All week, my dreams are blank empty pages with no meaning. I want to dream of him and I want to dream of every one of our moments together. No such dreams; my whole week is filled with nothingness. I lie in the hospital bed and do nothing but cry.

The doctors, specialist, physical therapist and psychiatrists, try to get me up and moving, but I can’t do it yet. Not until she waltzes in.

“Morgan Masters?” she asks as she observes papers on her clipboard.

“Yeah, that’d be me.” I cross my arms.

“Well, seems as though you’re unwilling to participate in your recovery.” She glances over the clipboard at me.

I nod.

“If you lay there and do nothing to help yourself, you may never get up. Pulmonary emboli, blood clots, a stroke...”

I ignore her and lay in bed the rest of the day.

Waking with a start, I glance around the room for any unwanted visitors. A dozen balloons float near the window, and there are flowers with cards tucked into their forks. Thoughtful, but unnecessary.

As I continue to scan the area, my eye catches something familiar. My iTouch! And a crumpled hospital bag most likely containing my clothes.

Without permission or knowing whether I can stand on my own two feet, I slide off the bed and grip the railing. Hmm. I’m steady enough, and I challenge myself by grasping the I.V. pole and take a step forward. After a few more steps, I snatch the bag and my iTouch.

Safely back in bed, I examine the iTouch. It’s covered in pink goo. I poke my head in the hospital bag and then dump the contents on my lap. The tattered dress has a thick layer of the pink goo on it too.

What does this mean? What. Does. This. Mean!

Frustration sets in. I close my eyes, and rub my pink gooey hands against my temples, and then...

CRASH!

BOOM!

BAM!

Explosions erupt in my head like a volcano... liquid oozing from it, flowing through my brain with bits and pieces of information.

There was lightning.

And thunder.

And!

And, something eerie.

Like a twilight zone.

I recall the voices.

The creepy voices that whisper-shouted my name. “Moooooorrrrrrgaaaannnn!”

Oh, god! I’m there and I don’t know where ‘there’ is.

Where am I, where am I!

My pulse pounds against my ears and my head is spinning.

Splattering, splattering, splattering!

I see myself.

I drift out of my car and float toward the forest.

Floating.

Floating.

Floating.

And I feel happy as my body begins to vibrate with the familiar force that moves me along.

I slowly open my eyes...

“No, no, no,” I whimper when I realize I’m still here in this hospital, on this bed.

I close my eyes again, but for how long, I don’t know. I’m so tired and I’m drifting away.

You have to get control of yourself...

You have to be positive for both of us...

I love you and I need to know you can do this...

You’re my life, too...

Focus on details...

Mark a path and make sure you’re—

“Ben!” I wake sweaty and trembling. I ponder over Ben’s words all day. By the time evening rolls around, I’m still thinking of Ben. “You’re my life, too, and I’ll hold you right here.” I still remember him placing his hand over his heart when he said that.

“What am I doing, Ben? Why can’t I get past this?”

Before I go to sleep, I decide to pray. Maybe God will have an answer for me. I whisper, “Please, Father, if you’re listening, guide me in the right direction. If this has all been a dream, part of my coma, please help me get past it, but if it’s real, and I think it is, shine some light on me and steer me in the right direction.” I finish with a Thanks and Amen and then I fall asleep...

And dream...

He’s coming for me. And he’s fast! I can’t let him win. I charge toward the clearing and I sprint fast, hard.

I’m flinging flower petals at him... he marches toward me... he’s laughing... I’m laughing... he’s backing me into the waterfall... we’re soaked... his breathing is faster, ragged and then he grabs my neck and pulls me to his mouth...

We fall to the ground... the storm behind his eyes, a smoldering fire begging to consume me...

Ben’s whispering in my ear, “Don’t. Don’t do this. Don’t think about it that way. You’ve come this far and you’re just beginning to understand. You have to know that you are strong, that you’ll survive, that your future is with me...

I wake in the morning thinking about Ben whispering in my ear. I feel better, my mind clearer, and I decide to leave all doubt behind me. Today, I’m going to be a good little patient and do what I need to do to get out of this hospital.

––––––––

Release your troubles and face your fears. Find the key to take your heart where it belongs, to the place where love abounds.

––––––––

TERRI LOFTON, A BEST FRIEND OF old, steps into my room this morning. She smiles nervously as she crosses the threshold. The first thing I notice is the rock on her finger, and not just any finger, but her ring finger.

“Hey girl, what are you waiting for? Come in, come in,” I say cheerfully.

“Hello, Morgan. Nice to see you’ve returned to the world of the living! What in the hell happened, or do you even remember any of it?”

“Well, I remember bits and pieces of that day. I remember feeling like something bad was going to happen. I didn’t want to bother—”

“Morgan Masters!” she cut me off. “You should know better than to not call me. I’m always here for you no matter how many times you need to talk... about anything.” Terri shakes her finger at me.

Yes, yes. Now I remember. Terri and James. The night before my accident. He was drunk... she was in the background whispering. I should be mad. I should tell her to get the hell out of here, but I can’t because I don’t really care. They deserve each other if it makes them happy.

I shift my gaze to the rock on her finger and ask, “What’s that on your hand? Who’s the lucky guy?”

Terri fidgets with her ring and refuses to look at me.

“Come on, spit it out,” I urge.

“Well, I’m not exactly sure how to tell you this.” She shrugs. “You were in a coma for over a month and... well, I became close to someone you know very well.” She inspects the ground, and I can tell she’s not only afraid to tell me, but she’s also ashamed. Probably should be, considering it’s my... ex.

“Just spit it out,” I say, but when she refuses to speak, I do the honors... or dishonors, depending how you view the situation. “Is it James?”

“I’m sorry Morgan, I don’t know how it happened really, but it did. We just hit it off,” she says.

“You can look at me, you know. It’s not as if I’m crushed by the news. I always thought you two would be a better match anyway. So don’t worry about me. I’m happy for the two of you. I really am.”

Terri finally lifts her eyes and gives me a hint of a smile. “Thanks Morgan, for being so understanding and for being such a best friend.” She heaves a sigh.

“So when’s the big day?”

Drawing her eyebrows together and tapping her lips, she says, “Hm. We haven’t set one yet. We’re thinking next year, but nothing definite. By the way, my parents say to give you their love and they hope for a complete recovery for you.”

“Tell them I’m fine.”

“You mean you’re okay with possibly never walking again?” Her eyes grow wide.

“I can walk just fine.”

“Have you already been up?”

“Sort of.” I throw my feet over the side of the bed and slide off the edge. My legs are weak, but I walk slowly, one-step at a time, to the foot of the bed where Terri stands.

Terri stares at me and her jaw drops open. “I—Morgan, I can’t believe this. The doctors all said you’d be lucky to walk again... someday, but they seemed doubtful.”

“Just goes to prove they don’t know me, that Morgan Masters is a fighter. Besides, they all go by books and theory. I’m a medical freaking miracle.” If only they knew the truth!

“You never cease to amaze me. You have to be the strongest person I know. That’s why I love you so much.” Terri smiles really big.

“Well, well. What do we have here?” My therapist walks in to catch me out of bed.

“Morgan Masters out of her bed,” Terri says.

“Unbelievable. You’re actually walking, something the neurologists thought impossible. Incredible! I need to consult with them. This changes everything in regards to your therapy.” She nods, turns on her heels, and heads out of the room.

“Wait!” I shout and she pauses in the hall. “Tell them to hurry the hell up ’cause I want to get out of here. A. S. A. P.”

“I’ll do my best.” She grins and walks away.

“Terri, sometime this week or next, can you run to my house, find the charger to my iTouch and grab my laptop?” I blink my plea sweetly several times.

Terri laughs. “Of course. You’ll have them before the end of the week. I’d bring them tonight, but I need to get going. I have a few errands to run.”

“Great, and thanks, Terri. Be sure to tell your man I said congrats and that I’m happy for you both. I mean that.”

Terri pulls my blanket over my feet after I slide into bed. She hugs me and kisses my cheek. “I will. Thank you for being so incredible and not making me feel worse.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now go on and get out of here.” I blow her a kiss as she walks out the door.

The rest of my day is filled with visits from doctors and specialists. Guess they thought I could handle some physical therapy after learning I wasn’t crippled. Physical therapy proved difficult since my muscles are weak from lying in bed for a month. Most of my therapy had been in a pool, which triggered thoughts of Ben—not that I ever stop thinking about him—and the mansion.

Mid-week, I visit with my psychologist and make the mistake of mentioning Ben and the hidden world.

The psychologist purses her lips and glances up at me. She pushes out of the chair and then arranges herself at my bedside. She says, “I know you woke from your coma screaming for these people and this place, and though it may have seemed very real, I’m telling you, Morgan, these people and this place you conjured up is nothing more than a psychological retreat of your subconscious mind.” She taps her index finger against her lips as she examines my face and waits for my reaction.

I start to open my mouth, but think better of it. After all, I want to get out of here, don’t I? So I listen and nod like a good little patient and rationalize that no one will believe me anyway, so what’s the point of explaining?

Maybe I had some false hope of... well; I don’t know why I had that little slip up. She prescribes me an antidepressant. “It will help you cope with life after such a traumatizing event,” she says.

I pretend to take it because I know if I do, they’ll believe I’ve accepted all that has happened and I’ll get out of here sooner.

The week passes quickly with all the therapy and doctors I had to endure. I’m tired and want nothing more than to be released.

I no longer have any visitors or any more therapy scheduled for the day so I lie back in bed and think about Ben and the beautiful world he’s in. There are so many things I hadn’t realized about his world, until now. Here, life consists of working, cable TV, internet, grocery stores, busy streets, and everyday things that didn’t enter into that world—that life. I want to go back. I need to go back because I can’t cope with this life.

I must have fallen asleep thinking about the hidden world. I wake to find Terri sitting in a chair with her head turned away.

“Terri?”

She glances over at me. “Yeah?”

“Do you believe in different worlds? I mean, not alien stuff, but other places we don’t know about?”

She looks at me quizzically. “You mean like Pluto and Venus? Those kind of worlds?”

“Um. No. Those are planets.” We both giggle. “I mean, like our world. Like earth, with humans?”

“I suppose it’s possible, but why would you ask such a weird question?” She frowns and lets out a heavy sigh. “You’re not still thinking about those people James said you dreamed up, are you? Because you know they’re not real.”

“No, no. I know that.” I laugh a little, attempting to throw her off so she won’t think I’ve lost my sanity. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve been watching... well, more like listening to stuff on the tube. I leave it on at night to drown out the sounds of the hospital.” Oh. Good one, Morgan Masters! I should pat myself on the back for thinking up such a brilliant excuse.

Terri gives me my laptop and says goodbye. I’m thankful she didn’t stay long. I might miss her when I leave, but recalling what happened before the accident... the phone call from James... Terri’s voice in the background... the clattering phone and giggling.... No, I won’t feel guilty for leaving her and this world behind.

To pass the time, I get on my laptop and do some research. The ancient stairway in the forest is my first search. There has to be something there, something with it. After all, it brought me into Ben’s world and then it took me away, only to bring me back here.

I search for hours and come up with nothing. I’m about to give up, when I see it. A picture of nearly identical steps, but there’s a green haze instead of a purplish hue, and they look so old, like they’re about to collapse. I click on the link and read the article. Apparently the stairway no longer exists. I had never heard of the location it talks about, but it sounds similar to the location I had been driving the day of my accident. The article claims that modern day science believes there never was such a place and the stairway may have just been that of an old area in the mountains which has long since been covered by rocks and streams.

The Mountains? How odd is it that my accident was in the mountains, that I survive by falling out of my convertible, end up dangling from an old tree branch embedded into the rocky wall... get rescued, but while my body lay in this world, in a coma, my soul enters a different one? Do I doubt Ben and the hidden world? No.

Something inside my head is clicking about this stairway. I have a pretty good idea about how I might be able to put this information together, but I need information from my iTouch before I can create a theory... or a map. I save the link to the picture and article for later reference.

Late evening comes and goes. I fall asleep easily tonight as I hold Ben inside my chest and pretend I’m lying next to him in his bed. I dream of our times together, but also dream of my journey into his world. Everything I see is so vivid and I wake up periodically throughout the night to document it in my laptop. Anything that might help me get to him quicker is worth waking for.

When I finally wake at six am, I stay awake and realize that my dream really does mean something. Just as the nightmares had significant meaning while I was in his world, so do the dream or dreams I have about returning. Details... I recall Ben and Danny both telling me to remember every detail, even the smallest ones, because they all have meaning.

As I type bits and pieces of memory into a document on my computer, Marion, the psychologist, steps into my room. I save my work and then lock my computer before I close it.

“Good morning, Morgan. How are you feeling?” Marion asks.

“Great! And ready to go home. I can’t wait to get out of this place. I’ve been here long enough, don’t you agree?” I greet her with a smile.

“Hmm... well, let’s talk about this place you spoke of previously,” she says, concern thick in her voice.

I watch her as I tell a big fib. “I don’t remember. I’m sure it was some sort of dream caused by the accident and I somehow twisted it around with my life. Probably something I heard on the television when I was sleeping.”

“Good to hear, Morgan. I see you are finally regaining your normal sense of self; this is a good sign and by the looks of everything else, I’m confident you won’t be spending much more time here. You’re one fortunate person to have such a miraculous recovery with no real permanent damage, considering the severity of your accident. Most would not survive such an impact, let alone come out of it without any crippling effects.” Marion pats my hand, scribbles a few notes on her tablet, and leaves me to my own.

The next few days are mostly rehab stuff and preparing me for home. “You should expect to feel some depression once you leave and return home because everything about your life has changed,” Marion says. “I’m leaving these videos, and I expect you to watch them before I’ll consent to your release.”

Yes, my life has changed and I want to tell her she has no idea of my fears, concerns and what I’m about to embark on. None of it has to do with what lies here in this world, but to tell her what really goes on in my head would land me in a straitjacket and a home with white padded walls.

The following morning, I wake to find a pair of green eyes and stark red hair staring down at me.

“Eddie! What the hell? I haven’t seen you in...”

“Since the night at the bar. Dang, darling. If I’d have known you’d planned on knocking yourself out for a month, I’d have joined ya!” Eddie plops down on my bed and wraps me in a tight hug.

“Uh... room... I need to... breathe!” He’s squeezing me to death, but that’s Eddie for you.

Releasing me, he observes my head and then looks me in the eyes. “Well, your noggin looks fine. How ’bout your feet?” He whips the covers up and grabs my toes, bends my legs, and then drops them on the bed.

“You freak! My feet are fine. In fact, all of me is fine. So how’ve you been, stranger?”

“You’re asking me how I’ve been? The real question is what the hell happened and why didn’t you call dear ol’ Eddie?”

“What do you mean and why do you act like I...” I don’t know, but I feel like he’s accusing me of something. “... No, no. I wasn’t trying to kill myself if that’s what you’re thinking.”

He moves closer, presses his forehead against mine and all I can see is teeth. Big, square, perfectly white teeth. If there is one person in this wicked world who could make me laugh with just a smile, it’s Eddie.

“Girls are so stupid. That is not what I thought at all.” He sits back and shakes his head. “If you wanted to go diving down the mountains, you should’ve called. Dumb, dumb, woman. That’s my thing, not yours.” He pats me on the back.

I shove him off my bed. “You haven’t changed. You’re still a freak. And crazy. And a stupid boy!”

“Yeah, whatever. You’re still a stupid girl,” he teases but his face turns serious. He closes his eyes and rubs his temples. His eyes pop open when his phone vibrates. He peers down at it, and the lines in his forehead deepen.

“What’s wrong? Eddie, are you okay?”

He shoves his phone back in his pocket, gives me a quick hug, still managing to squeeze the breath out of me. “I’ve gotta go. Work emergency!” He releases me and before I can say goodbye, he’s gone. Probably some forest fire or something. He’s a forest ranger. Perfect job for him since he’s fearless.

After I sign all my discharge papers, I glance up at the nurse and she smiles a sneaky kind of smile, one that makes me think she has a big secret. Before I can ask, the room fills with all the doctors and staff members who have taken care of me. They all have balloons and flowers and my psychiatrist is holding a big chocolate cake with the words “Wishing you all the best!” scrolled across it in a rainbow of colors. It warms my heart.

The party is great, but I’m anxious to get out of here. After many hugs and farewells, the nurse who smiled that sneaky smile holds out a gift. It’s wrapped in some ugly blue paper with trucks on it. I arch an eyebrow at her.

“Oh, it’s not from me. Your friend, the red haired guy, said to give this to you.” She hands me the gift and pauses. Then she hugs me. “You take care of yourself. We’ll miss you... and... your funny friend.”

“Eddie.”

“Yeah, that guy.” She smiles as she heads toward the door and I swear, I think she has a crush on him. “Eddie,” she says dreamily and exits into the hall.

I can’t help but laugh at the ugly paper. He did it on purpose, knowing it’s boy paper and I’d hate it. I rip it apart and open the box. It’s a t-shirt. I pull it out and laugh. I laugh harder than I’ve laughed in a long time as I slip out of my navy blue shirt and pull the t-shirt Eddie got me over my head.

My belongings are all in a bag the hospital provided. I hold it securely against my side, knowing I’m the only one who understands the value of the information hidden inside of it.

The sunlight is blinding. I blink several times to adjust, and then I see his car as I exit into the hospital drop-off, pick-up zone.

Terri smiles real big and pushes her door open. I’m guessing James is uncomfortable as he doesn’t step out of the car, but only stares out his window.

“So glad you’re finally out of here!” Terri squeezes me and attempts to take my bag.

I yank it from her fingers. “I’ve got it,” I say and toss her a little wink.

Terri nudges me with her hip. “Oh! I see we’re back to little Miss Independent.” She pushes me back and examines my t-shirt. She laughs and then reads the words. “‘Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.’ Oh my gosh. Didn’t you have this shirt in middle school? And Eddie got all mad at you and then you were sent home that day to change it?”

“Yeah. That was freaking hilarious, but my mom was pissed at me for buying it and wearing it to school. Eddie paid me a visit earlier and this is what he got me.” We both laugh until I glance over at James sitting in his car.

“Maybe I should have taken a cab. Doesn’t look like he’s comfortable with giving me a ride.” I stop walking.

“Yeah, he feels weird, but come on. You’re not taking a cab. Besides, when have you EVER let him hold you back?” Terri loops her arm around me and drags me toward his car. She doesn’t hesitate to open the back door and urge me in.

I’m pulling the seatbelt over my chest when I catch James glance at me in the rearview mirror. I reach forward and smack him upside the head and say, “Hey.”

That earns me a grin and a “Hey yourself.”

We’re on the highway I’ve traveled a million times, and I can’t help the sinking feeling as I look at all of the homes, businesses and the buzz of city life... and hate it. The air is thick and without a doubt, filled with pollution. I can see it from the back window looming over Denver as we move further away.

James pulls into my driveway and the first thing I notice is the For Sale sign in Mr. Bumble’s yard. “What? Why?” I mutter and walk toward his home.

Terri grabs my arm. “He’s gone, Morgan. He passed away a few days after your accident.”

I stand in Mr. Bumble’s yard and remember the times my parents spent with him. My mother mostly. She and Mr. Bumble loved to help one another plant gardens and foliage. A big part of me feels relief over his death. He wasn’t the same after my parents died. I think he lived for the days he could spend in my mother’s company, or my father’s, or both. I glance back at my home and smile.

Terri and James join me inside for a short time to help me get settled, but I’m ready for them to leave and I think they feel obligated to stay.

“You two can head out if you want. I promise, I’ll be just fine,” I say and sink into the couch.

“Okay, but you have to promise to call if you need anything or just want to talk. You promise?” Terri asks as she wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek.

I push her away. “I promise. Now go. You two have a life together and you’d better damn well enjoy it. Promise me you’ll do just that?” I give James a wink so he knows I approve.

He slides an arm around Terri’s waist and drags her toward the door. They both look at me in unison and say, “We promise.”

I’m so happy to be alone, and I scream just for the sake of screaming... because I’m free to begin the next part of my journey. And... yeah, I can talk to Ben... out loud... even though he’s not here. It makes me feel better.

––––––––

My only connection with him is when I close my eyes and I dream of him. I don’t want to dream anymore. I want to wake up from those dreams and find myself wrapped in his arms.

––––––––

NOBODY KNOWS THE DAY OF THE accident ended one life and replaced it with a new one. All I need to do is find it again and refuse to give up.

Everyone I know talks about the accident. They say I’m lucky to be alive and I am, but it’s what they say behind closed doors. I choose not to return to my internship, not to socialize, but rumors have it that the accident changed me and affected my brain. Apparently I fear the outdoors and hide in my house like a recluse. And they’re right to some extent, but it has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with escaping this world and them. I’m happy about that, and my only heartache is the time it’s taking to grasp all the pieces and put them back together again. But I have to do it, put the pieces together, in order to find the world I’ve been ripped away from. To return to the one who holds my heart and future in his very own universe. Ben.

I spend what’s left of spring researching and trying to find the missing link, something that’s holding me back, keeping me from taking that drive into the mountains I so desperately need to take. “Why! Ugh.” I clench my fists in my hair.

A picture of that girl, Ashley, keeps forcing its way into my research, into my dreams and for the love of Ben, or Danny, I can’t figure out why. I close my eyes and rub my temples. I recall the picture of Ashley and Ben on Ben’s entertainment stand. I visualize the one I found folded in half in his desk drawer. I’m unfolding it and see her and Danny. Yeah, they belong together. I flip it over and read the caption: Forever. Love, Ashley Jezadabek.

I rub my temples harder and that’s when I realize I’ve just discovered something. I lift my head and shout, “That’s it! Ashley Jezadabek!” My next mission. I shove all the paper off my desk and drag my laptop in front of me. I Google the name, knowing her last name is uncommon.

Several articles pop up with similar names. I continue to scroll until I find the exact match. Her name. And an article.

I read: A three-car pileup on Mountain Ridge Road claims the life of one and critically injures another.

“No! Not Ashley?”

I continue to read: Severe weather is to blame for the pile up. A fifty-five year old woman, whom the name has not been released, pending notification of family, died instantly at the scene. Twenty-five year old, Ashley Jezadabek was taken by Life Flight to a nearby hospital in critical condition. At this time, the extent of her injuries is unknown.

I find an updated article on Ashley, but it only says she survived, came out of her coma, and had been released from the hospital.

I search an online index for an address. I find one under A. Jezadabek. There are a few others, but not within the area of the accident, so I write down the address.

My eyes hurt from staring at the computer screen. I log off and then realize I need a plan. I can’t go to this house empty handed. I need a good reason or I might look like a stalker or something. And I can’t just come out and ask her if she’s been to the hidden world. Hell, she might not remember it, I don’t know.

After a lot of thought, I formulate a plan; a statement. I’ll introduce myself and tell her I’m conducting research on former coma patients and car accidents. In theory, it sounds brilliant, I think.

I’ve decided I’d pay her a visit tomorrow, but my mind is unsettled. I fire up my laptop again. I Google accidents near Rock Ridge Road. There are plenty of them, but most are fender benders. I continue to scroll, and scroll until I come across an article. My heart skitters and my finger shakes as I click on the link: Two men injured in a hiking accident... faulty equipment is to blame.

“Oh my gosh!” I’m excited when I see the names Ben and Danny. Ben Broznan and Danny Rogers. It has to be them. The article is long and mentions a mountain climbing accident. I pause and reread: Both men were rescued, but remain in a coma. The article continues with their progress and how Ben and Danny come out of their coma about the same time.

Both men fully recover.

I find another article, an update on Ben and Danny years later. Best friends from an early age, one can only speculate their disappearance. Several years later, it is believed Danny Rogers and Ben Broznan are dead, possibly another hiking accident in an unknown area, though no bodies were recovered.

DEAD! I can’t get the word out of my head. And then I scroll down to an obituary. Laid to rest in a cemetery in their hometown.

This is all too much for me. I decide not to worry because I know they’re alive. And I know in my mind where they live. The only problem—there’s no physical address and I have to figure out how I’m going to find my way back to their world... my world.

The following morning I rush around, putting myself together and rehearse what I will say to Ashley. “My name is Morgan Masters and I am surveying persons from previous injuries leading to a coma. I’m gathering information that I can share with others who have been in similar situations. May I have a little bit of your time? It would mean a great deal to me.” Good enough! I grab my briefcase and head out the door.

My thoughts divert to curiosity as I drive, and I wonder what kind of person Ashley is. Will she be kind or cruel, as in Melody and Kennedy cruel?

My stomach clenches in little tiny knots as I near my destination. I spot the address and pull up along the curb. After I shut my car off, I sit there for a few minutes to collect myself.

I’m standing in front of the door. Ring the doorbell or knock? I knock. No one answers. I knock again. I reach out to ring the doorbell when the knob jiggles and the door opens.

“Yes?” A middle-age woman asks.

Hesitating, I try to remember my lines. “Hello, my name is Morgan; I’m looking for Ashley, Ashley Jezadabek. Does she live here?”

The woman looks at me with a bit of confusion about her face before she finally responds. “Why yes, Ashley lives here, but what is it you want of her?”

Thinking my words out cautiously, I say, “I’m collecting information about accident victims previously in a coma and whether they have any long term effects or serious injuries.” I wait for her to respond and hope she lets me in.

“I see. Come in please, and let me take you to Ashley. You can decide if you still want to collect any information.” The woman quirks an eyebrow and then leads me down a long hallway full of pictures. Most are of a girl, presumably Ashley, from birth on up.

We step into a large room.

I’m not sure what I expected, but I know I didn’t expect to see what I see lying in a hospital bed in front of a large bay window. The woman’s hair is similar to Ashley’s. What I recall of the photos at Ben’s place.

“This is my Ashley,” Ashley’s mother says as she strokes her hair and kisses her cheek. “Ashley, you have a visitor. Her name is... Morgan?” She glances over her shoulder at me and I nod.

I step closer to the disabled woman in her bed. “Hello, Ashley. I’m Morgan Masters.” I attempt to shake her hand even though her fingers are curled and her skin is cold. She stares at me. Her eyes show no emotion, only empty voids. “I understand you were in a coma. I was too. In fact, I’ve only been out of the hospital for a few months now.” That earned me two arched eyebrows and a grunt.

“I’m learning about others in similar situations.” I pause and watch for any kind of response. Does she have a voice or is she a complete vegetable? I wasn’t sure what kind of answers, if any, I might get from her but I needed to try.

“Sometimes she shows signs of life but she mostly stares out the window. I’m not sure what she’s looking at or looking for, but she always looks to the south. I often wonder if maybe she sees things we can’t, because she seems like she is waiting for something,” her mother says and turns toward the window. “Well, I’m not sure how much my daughter can help with your research project, but I’ll let you two girls alone. If anything, maybe Ashley will enjoy your company.” Ashley’s mother gives a little frown, one I think is doubt, and then she walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

No specific words come to mind as I stand in Ashley’s room wondering if I should say anything at all. I glance at her to find her staring at me. I can’t be sure, but I think she’s waiting for me to say something to her. And I will. Why not cut the chase and get right down to the million-dollar question?

“Ashley, I know this may sound a little crazy... okay, maybe a lot crazy to you, but I’m really here to talk about something I think we’ve both experienced, though at different times. I’ve been to a place... a place I believe is a hidden world, but my time there wasn’t nearly long enough. Anyway, I knew nothing of my surroundings at first, didn’t even know who I was, other than my name.” It feels awkward talking about it out loud, but all it takes for me to continue is the sparkle I see in Ashley’s eyes, an acknowledgement of understanding.

“I met a few people at a meet and greet, but it was Danny who paid attention to me and made me laugh.” Right now, Ashley’s brown eyes are beaming up at me, begging for more. She knows what I’m saying, whom Danny is, and it’s all the confirmation I need to verify what I already know.

A clap, clap, clap of Ashley’s hands startles me. I laugh, knowing she’s demanding my attention, expecting me to tell her more. My heart jumps with joy because we share a secret, one that nobody in this world would ever believe.

I smile really big at her and say, “Danny loves you, Ashley. I don’t think he understands where you are right now, and why you haven’t returned, but if he knew, he’d understand... and I’m even betting he’d break the barriers and come here to take you back to the hidden world. Sugar Hills of Paradise City?” I ask, not certain this is the name of the hidden world, only recalling what I saw on an envelope while I was there.

She nods not once, not twice, but continuously. I can’t help it. I giggle and then she giggles too.

“There’s a way back to this place and you and I, we’re going to find it.” I reach out and shake her curled up hand. Ashley has tears in her eyes, and it makes me tear up too. No words can explain how we feel.

I continue to tell her how I met Danny, how I made a fool of myself by singing in the hall. I tell her all of my Danny endeavors, and we’re both laughing uncontrollably.

“What’s going on in here?” Ashley’s mother storms in the room and stops abruptly. Her eyes grow wide and her jaw drops. “Is she... is Ashley laughing? Is that you, Ashley?” She throws me a look, and I can tell she needs confirmation.

“Sorry about that, Mrs. Jezadabek. Ashley and I were a bit loud with our laughter... didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“She... well, she hasn’t laughed since... since before the accident.” A smile stretches across her mother’s face and she reaches for my hand. “My name is Betty. Call me Betty, and my husband’s name is Andrew.” She shakes my hand. “Wait until I tell Andrew! He’ll be thrilled to hear this.” Betty takes her hand back and smiles proudly, and then she rushes out of the room.

Inside, I feel like my heart is about to explode. I’ll admit my doubts were high when I walked into this room to find a paralyzed woman. But now, I’m entirely too giddy and ready to jump the gun, to snatch Ashley up and run away to our hidden world. If only it were that simple.

I spend the entire day in Ashley’s home telling as much as I can about my time in Sugar Hills. I think her mother is overjoyed and doing everything in her power to keep me here. She filled my belly with grilled hamburgers and a baked potato and while I ate, she tended to Ashley by putting food into her feeding tube. I stay until sunset and promise a disappointed Ashley that I’ll be back the following day, which is enough to earn me a smile and clapping of hands.

The next few weeks fly by, mostly me hanging out with Ashley telling her about my trials and tribulations with Ben and Danny. She’s giving me an evil eye as I tell her about Danny and how I kind of crushed on him when we first met.

“No, no! Don’t scowl at me like that. I didn’t know anything about you, and how can you be mad at me for crushing on him, hmm?” I wiggle a finger at her. “You thought he was cute too, so you should know he’s crush worthy. But Ben is my man. MINE. And you know I could be mad at you just as well.”

Ashley gives me a horribly twisted frown.

“Really, Ashley? That face is not becoming of you. And if I’m correct, didn’t you crush on Ben at one time? Hmm?” I give her my best screwed up face, my attempt at a scowl. She laughs and so do I. This woman may be crippled, but she’s made me laugh more than any one friend has in a long time. If ever I had a sister, I’d want it to be Ashley. I imagine sister’s act young and stupid even in their early twenties.

“How about Melody and Kennedy? You do remember them don’t you?”

Probably not the best question after eating dinner. No, not when Ashley gags her disapproval.

“Yeah, I have to agree with you. They’re horrible. Puke worthy even.”

Now that I’m on good terms with Ashley’s parents, and they feel I’m good for her health, they’ve agreed to let me take Ashley out on small trips. I’ve been taught everything I need to know on how to take care of her. Feeding tubes, cleansing, changing, bathing, medicine, emergencies...

We usually spend most of our time at my house researching and plotting our escape.

“Here, let me show you the pictures I have stored in my most treasured piece, my iTouch. Oh! Here’s one of Danny.” It’s a picture I found on the internet. I flip the iTouch around and hold it in front of her.

Ashley’s eyes grow wide, and her brows raise high on her forehead. A smile touches the corners of her lips and she claps.

Later that evening, after I’ve taken Ashley home, I lay in bed and think about Ben. I wonder what he’s doing and if he’s thinking about me. I hope all my hard work pays off, and I’ll wake one morning to find myself wrapped tightly in his arms.

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No one ever ventures there. Some say the stairway leads to a place you never want to go. No one wants to tempt whatever fate lies beyond the path.

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MID-MORNING, I’VE ALREADY PICKED ASHLEY up, and I’m sure she’s as anxious to get started as I am.

“Okay, Ashley, are you ready to take a trip toward our future destination?”

“Ye... Ye!” she blurts. Her simple attempt to communicate works well and I understand most of her gestures. Right now, she’s smiling and clapping her hands wildly.

Ashley has been staying with me frequently, and I know it pleases her parents. It gives them freedom to travel, something they had to give up after Ashley’s accident.

We’re sitting in front of the computer creating a map by plotting the location of my accident on Rock Ridge Road and the location of Ashley’s accident.

“No way,” I shout and shove back in my seat, nearly knocking Ashley out of her wheelchair. Her brown eyes are as big as saucers, eyebrows raised.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, but our accidents... our accidents were nearly in the same spot!” I draw a picture on a piece of paper to show her. She smiles and nods at the same time.

“Okay, now all we have to do is take a drive up there to pinpoint the exact spots and then figure out where my vehicle went over the edge. Are you up for this?” Her face is blank, probably uncomfortable over the memories of her accident.

“Ash, if you find you just can’t handle it at any time, we can always leave.”

She claps her approval.

There’s another thing niggling in my head.

“I’m going to research Ben and Danny’s accident. Did you know they were together when they were injured?”

She shakes her head.

“Let’s pull it up on the web so you can read about, and I’ll map out their location.”

“Yeeeeh!” she cheers. I think she probably only wants to see pictures of Danny. My gosh, why hadn’t I thought of that earlier? Poor Ashley isn’t capable or coordinated enough to utilize the internet without help. I doubt she’d be effective in communicating to her parents that she wanted to search for someone. Not that they’d ever have a clue, nor believe where she went when she was in a coma.

I’ve located the article and scroll down to the location. I’m stunned. “Unbelievable,” I whisper. I glance at Ashley and we shake our heads in unison. “I can’t believe this.”

Ben and Danny had been climbing a mountain adjacent to that of Ashley and my car accidents. I already knew their safety gear was defective and their straps snapped; sending them crashing to the ground, but it still shocks me to read about it.

“Strange. It’s like the Bermuda triangle but in the mountains instead of the ocean.” I mark the spot of their accident on the map. “Oh! Let me show you the stairway I found while scrolling the internet when I was in the hospital.”

“Here.” I zoom in on the picture. “Do you recognize—” One look at Ashley—eyes huge, jaw dropped—tells me she recognizes the hazy stairway. Without a doubt, I know she’s traveled the same path I have. Funny how a picture is worth a thousand words. Whoever came up with that slogan wasn’t kidding because a thousand words, more like Ben’s words, are precipitously replaying in my mind.

“No one ever ventures there. Some say the stairway leads to a place you never want to go. Others say that anyone who wanders down its path, never come back. They disappear. It’s also been said that everyone here came via the stairway, and you return back to them to lead you back to wherever you once belonged. All I know is that no one wants to tempt whatever fate lies beyond the path. It’s forbidden territory.” I remember the feel of Ben’s body against mine as he shuddered.

I may have been fearful then, but now I’m overzealous. “Let’s go! We need to take some binoculars so we can map out the area, this Bermuda Triangle of the mountains.” We head toward the front door, down the ramp, and after I get Ashley settled in the backseat of the Chevy Suburban—my parents will never know how thankful I am that they bought it—I pack the gear we’ll need and hop in.

The drive is peaceful until we reach the location of our accidents. After pulling onto the shoulder, neither of us moves; we sit in silence.

“Ashley,” I say and glance over my shoulder. Her eyes meet mine and I see sadness in them. Good or bad, I don’t know, but I need to give her something positive to think about before she loses it. “Think of Danny. Take all your fear, all your inhibitions, and remember he’s waiting for your return. Imagine his face when he sees you.”

Ashley cocks her head and turns up the corner of her mouth.

“Here’s the plan. I’m going to get out and view the area first. There’s a good possibility you won’t have to get out, but if you need me, clap your hands. I’ll roll down the windows so I can hear you. Okay?”

She has a devious grin as she claps—her smartass way of telling me she understands. Binoculars hanging from my neck, I reach across the seat to retrieve my iTouch and the map. Then I roll down Ashley’s window.

As much as I hate heights, I’m not afraid this time. My knees are stable and not knocking together as I approach the site of my accident. Flashbacks kick in but I’m doing a good job of pushing them aside. The skid marks leading to the gravel along the shoulder look surprisingly fresh.

The drop off the shoulder, where I miraculously escaped death, is long and endless. I lean over the new metal barrier. The rotten tree branch—the one that saved my life—is fairly clear and still intact along the side of the wall. It’s hard for me to believe I survived this, but even harder to believe I fared better than Ashley did. Her accident involved two other vehicles but no others went over the edge.

Zooming in with the binoculars, I examine the stretch of mountains, two in particular, south of where my car landed. The two mountains look like one, but somehow split apart. It’s an interesting find, and glancing at my map, I see this is the same mountain Ben and Danny were climbing, the location of their accident. A vision of their gear snapping and them spiraling down the mountainside is as gruesome as my accident. Something, or a certain force had to have intervened, broken their fall, and I wonder if it was the same force that had lifted me from my car before it exploded at the bottom of the mountain.

I’m zoning in at the bottom of the split. There’s some crumbled rocky debris covering a path and as I continue to follow it, my heart pitter-patters at the site of broken twigs. I have to pause to catch my breath. They’re not just any twigs, but ones covered in pink goo. I have to look again after cleaning the binoculars.

“Oh my gosh.” I snatch the iTouch from my pocket and review the last recording. It’s blurry, but one shot captures my attention. I see flashes of color. Yep. Purple and pink. But the best part, I can hear my voice. “Branches dropped at mountains... Ssspllttt!” It’s muffled but I know I was telling myself that was the point of exit. I’m acutely aware that it’s also the entrance, our starting point.

I’m flooded with excitement and ideas, all kinds of them. Images of Ashley and I racing onto the path leading to our hidden world, and then I realize I have a huge problem. How are we going to get down there safely? Not because my fear of heights, but because of Ashley’s paralysis, we’d never be able to hike down to our destination.

“Aha!” I do a little victory dance. I know how we’ll get to our starting point. “A hang glider. Thanks, Ben!” Such a small but significant detail I remember Ben correcting me on.

I would get one of those motorized ones.

It’ll never work. I need Ashley’s wheelchair. I’ve got to get it down the mountain. I’ll need help, and only one person comes to mind. One person I know I can trust to keep a secret. And one person who prefers off-road and rugged terrain versus ones built for driving on. Rushing back to the Suburban, I slide in and bounce on my seat. Ashley’s waiting for answers. I give her my best smile, but this isn’t good enough. She begins to clap like a wild child.

“Okay! Give me a chance to breathe and I’ll tell you everything.” She grins and quits clapping. “I could see some grass poking through the ground between the split of the mountains.” I watch her scrunch her eyebrows.

I toss her a wink and tell her of my discoveries. She gives me a look as if she doesn’t believe me or this isn’t enough. I continue. “Ashley! I also recorded my return and that includes sound. My last statement was about the split and the branches I used to mark the path. ASHLEY! This is our starting point. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

Yeah, now she’s excited and slapping her hands against her thighs. I’m not telling her how I plan to get us there. She can stare at me all she wants, but I’m withholding that info as I drive and do my best not to look in the rearview mirror.

We’re both exhausted from our little journey and the excitement of it all. I have a lot of work ahead of me, and after tucking Ashley into the hospital bed her parents delivered to my home a while back, buzzer and all, which she abuses on purpose I think, she’s asleep the minute her head hits the pillow. I call it a night.

I lie in bed thinking about Ashley and how I love having her here. She really isn’t that much work. We’ve bonded as if we’re siblings. We share a deep secret that no one will ever know about. Not in this world anyway.

I feel a slight sense of guilt knowing I’ll be taking Ashley from her parents, but she doesn’t belong here. She’d live a miserable life. Deep down, I know there’s a reason behind every circumstance. I was destined to find her just as I’m destined to take her with me. Four hearts depend on it.

My head is full with ideas and planning... emergency kit... Ashley’s medicines... dry packed food and large camel packs with water... Ashley’s medicine! What happens if... Oh, god. What if it’s unobtainable and...

Ashley’s buzzer goes off, and I forget about the what-if’s. Rushing to her aid, I ask, “What’s wrong?” She points to my laptop sitting on the desk. I grab it, place it on her lap, and turn it on. After I log in, she smacks my hands away. Her fingers glide over the keypad.

“Wow. I didn’t know you were able to use the computer. Why didn’t you tell me?” I nudge her, but she scowls at me and taps the screen.

She types: You never let me.

“You never asked.”

You’re right! Do you think I will be able to walk when we get there? She glances over at me.

“I think so. You did when you were there before, didn’t you?”

Yes.

“It’s magical and I can’t wait to begin our journey.” I think about Ben, as I often do, until Ashley head butts my side and smacks the computer screen.

Okay, that’s all I wanted to know. Now go to BED! Ha-ha. She grins.

“Bossy-pants! Fine, I’m going,” I say and leave her room.

Once again, I lie in bed thinking, not about our journey this time, but about Ben. I wonder what he might be doing at this moment. While I’m thinking about him, I realize a few things about life in Sugar Hills. There are no cell phones, no televisions, and does anyone work? I remember Ben saying he had to work, but where and doing what? Oh well. It doesn’t matter. As long as I have Ben, material things mean nothing. Love is stronger than money. I’d live in a cave if that’s what it takes to be with him.

Sleep creeps in but before it takes me under, I whisper, “I love you, Ben.”

I see the path to my forever life, and I can’t turn back. I’m not alone. Ashley’s with me. I’m struggling as I push her wheelchair. I look ahead and strain to see through the fog, and there it is, the stairway. We’re getting closer, closer, closer, until...

ZAP! A bolt of lightning strikes the ground in front of us...

“Ahhh!” I wake up yelling, drenched in sweat. Ashley’s buzzer’s going off. I scurry out of bed, stumble down the hall, and enter her room.

Ashley’s hair clings to her damp forehead and she’s shaking her finger, pointing toward the laptop. I snag it, turn it on, log in, and set it on her lap.

Good dreams but bad lightning! She types and glances up at me.

“You did not just dream that! Did you?”

She nods and starts typing again. I dreamed you were pushing me in my wheelchair through the forest. Then, out of nowhere, a huge bolt of lightning snaps down in front of us! It woke me up and I was all sweaty.

We look at each other; shake our heads and then Ashley pounds down on the keys. This is our destination. Our one hope for happiness. I smile my acknowledgment when she looks at me. By the way, I typed a letter to my parents. They know I can type, so I typed a letter telling them we’re going to travel. I tell them we plan to travel around the world, so not to worry because I’m happy and that’s what I want to do. You can stick it in the mail the day we leave. Then, if they freak out, I won’t have to witness it. I’m an adult. This is my life, my future.

By the way she gives me a small smile, I think she’s asking if I approve.

“Good idea, Ash. Now let’s try to get some sleep... and... no tapping into my dreams,” I tease. She chuckles and waves her hand, shooing me out of her room.

The rest of the night is uneventful. I sleep well, I think, after I wake feeling vibrant, alive.

Throughout the day, I gather the things we’ll need and pack them into our adventure bag.

The next thing on my list is to talk to Crazy Eddie. He obtained his nickname from lack of fear... and, well, maybe he is a wee bit crazy. You don’t break as many bones in your body like Eddie has and continue to do the same crazy things that caused those broken bones if you’re not a little crazy. Jumping off slides and swings... skateboarding down the steepest hills, crashing, and doing it again and again... scaling mountains and cliff diving... but! I’ve got to give him credit. He’s never wrecked his vehicles. Ever.

“Ashley, I have to meet a friend at the diner in town. He’s the one I’m going to ask to help us reach our starting point. Do you want to go with me?”

She shakes her head.

“You’ll be okay without me?”

She nods and points her head toward the door, her way of excusing me.

“I won’t be long,” I say as step outside and shut the door.

I think about Eddie as I drive toward the diner, and laugh. I’m remembering all the times he got in trouble, all the detentions he served in high school. But what I remember most is the incident in our science class. Eddie had a volcano project and a frog meant for dissecting. He put the frog on top of his volcano and set the volcano off with firecrackers. Whatever he put in his volcano caused it to blow up, shooting the dead frog to the ceiling, where it splattered. The guys in the classroom erupted in laughter while we girls cried in disgust as frog parts dropped from the ceiling onto the table. And the look on the science teacher’s face....

I pull into the parking lot and enter the diner. Eddie’s already here, his disarrayed red hair is hard to miss when it bobbles with his head over the back of the booth.

A grin as big as a crocodile’s mouth greets me—white teeth, gums and all.

“Eddie!” I squeal as he rushes me like he’s a quarterback and practically knocks me down. His arms catch me and squeeze me a little too snugly.

“Morgan. My favorite girl!” he says and kisses my cheek.

“I’ve... always... been... your... favor—” He’s squishing me to death! “Eddie, you’re crushing me! I can’t breathe.”

He releases me and steps back. He’s giving me a quirky smile and says, “Well, if you’d stop being so beautiful, and I saw more of you... I mean if you’d come around more often than not, then maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to fuse with you.” His smile is so ridiculously huge that I laugh.

We order burgers and fries, Eddie’s favorite. Fifteen minutes later, our food arrives.

While we eat, I say, “I need a favor from you.”

Eddie glances up and shoves more fries into his mouth. “Yeah?” he mumbles.

“Well, I have this friend—”

“Are you trying to set me up?” he asks, fries falling from his mouth, green eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Not sure you’re her type. Besides, she’s paralyzed and in a wheelchair. And that’s why I need your help.”

“Paralyzed huh? She might just be my type. She got a nice rack?”

“Stop it. I don’t want to talk about body parts. Now, can we be serious?” I watch his lips quirk, knowing Eddie and serious do not belong in the same sentence.

Eddie points at me with a french-fry, and motions for me to continue.

“There’s a place in the mountains. A place Ashley and I want to venture to.”

Slapping his hand on the table, Eddie says, “Let me guess. You want to visit the place of your accident?”

My jaw drops. I know it does because Eddie reaches over and places his hand under it, pushing it closed, and then he lets out a hard, low chuckle.

“How do you know this? Are you psychic?”

“Nah. Just a wild guess. And I’d have to believe there’s danger involved or you wouldn’t be asking me for said favor. Yes?”

I stare at him momentarily and then clear my throat. He’s always been smart, always seemed to know whatever it was I was thinking, even when we were kids. “Danger. Yes, there’s some of that.”

He quirks a brow. “So, let me have it.”

“Promise me you won’t drill me?”

“About?”

“Why Ashley and I want this adventure, or tell me why I should reconsider because of the danger it might impose.”

Eddie gives me a long hard stare. I know he’s working me, searching for reason. His lips stretch slowly across his face, as if he’s got me all figured out. “Do tell,” he says and places his hand over mine on the table.

“There’s a place in the mountains that’s not reachable by way of a cement road. Sure, one could hike down the steep walls and then continue to journey toward their destination, but—”

“An impossible feat for a paralyzed woman,” Eddie finishes for me.

“Yes.”

“And you know how much I love off road travel. Let me ask you, how do plan to continue your travel once I get you to your destination? Are you asking me to drive your vehicle down the mountain and then leaving me to hike my way home? ’Cause I don’t see how you’d continue.”

“No. I’m asking you to take us in your vehicle... get us to our destination and then be on your way... in your vehicle. What comes after is where I’m asking you not to ask. Not to drill me.” I slide my hand out from under his. He snatches it back, forcing my eyes to meet his.

I look away so I can dig the map Ashley and I created out of my purse with my free hand. “Here,” I say as I slide it toward him.

Eddie studies it all of five seconds and the way his head snaps up, the way his eyes lock on mine, has me wondering if he knows where Ashley and I are going, as if he’s been there before, but then I shake the thought, knowing he hasn’t.

“I can do it. I know the area, the area of your accident very well,” he says, still holding me captive with the great intensity of his stare. “It’s one of my favorites... love the feel of my jeep nose diving down that wall, the rush of nearly rolling over, then correcting it. Better yet is the wall we gotta climb to reach the streams and rock beds. The only downfall... you’ll probably scream your pretty little head off.”

My heart is already palpitating and my stomach clenching from his description. I snatch my hand back and he laughs halfheartedly. “Yeah, I know. I didn’t need you to give me a run down, Eddie, but I want it, this journey. And so does Ashley.”

A deep rumble comes from his throat and he laughs deviously. “Bring some blindfolds ’cause you’re going to need them.”

“Thursday. We want to leave this Thursday morning. Can you do it?”

“Yep,” he says and slaps some money down on the table before he slides out of the booth. I do the same and follow him outside.

“Thursday. My house. And if I forget, thank you in advance.”

“If your plan doesn’t come through at the end of your destination, you can always call me and I’ll come get the two of you.” He reaches out, grabs my hand, and pulls me into a tight embrace. And I mean tight, but I don’t complain.

It’s been three days since Eddie and I met at the diner. Ashley and I have one more day in my home before we leave it all behind. Excitement and uncertainty fill the air. Tomorrow we’ll begin our journey, and I can’t say for sure what lies ahead, but I know nothing will stop us.

I have an important stop I need to make before I say goodbye to my old life. Walking along the cobblestone path of the cemetery, nearing the plots of my parents resting place, I have to swallow the lump in my throat. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for my decision, but I do. I have to remind myself my parents would want me to be happy, even if that means leaving our family home behind.

I kneel down in front of the headstones of Mary and Joe Masters and brush away the leafy debris surrounding their plots. “I love you both and I know there will come a day when I, too, will walk where you shine. But until that day, I’ll live my life knowing you’re with me every step of the way. And when I stumble, you’ll always be there to lift me up and carry me forward.” Tears trickle down my cheeks as I think about the caskets below, filled with nothing but ashes. I don’t even know how much, if any, of those ashes were actually my parents. I kiss their headstones and then look skyward. “Forever loving you both,” I say and make my way down the cobblestone path.

An older man with big glasses and a grandpa’s hat is sweeping away. There’s a familiarity about him, about the sweeping, but I can’t quite grasp it. He nods, a courtesy I suppose, as I pass by. I give him a wink and a little smile.

The rest of Wednesday passes by quickly. Ashley’s letter to her parents is in the mailbox waiting for the mailman to pick it up on Thursday, long after we’ve left. I wrote my own letters, one for Terri and James wishing them a future filled with happiness, and an explanation that I’d be traveling for an unknown amount of time. The second letter is for Eddie. I tell him I’d already signed over the house with all the furnishings to a charity that plans on using it to house homeless families. The Suburban included.

I’d leave everything to him if I didn’t fear it would raise any kind of suspicion. I also know Eddie would never accept it. He doesn’t need it.

Ashley and I lie in her bed, neither one of us able to sleep. Our lives are about to change in a matter of hours. I think of Ben and the excitement of our reunion, or the devastation if Ash and I die along the way, but the threat of death isn’t enough to hold us back.

This is our final night in my home, in this world. I embrace the memories and close my eyes.

––––––––

For you, I’d soar down the mountains; die a thousand times, if that’s what it takes to find the place where dreams are made of, the place where you exist.

––––––––

THERE WASN’T MUCH SLEEP LAST NIGHT. I couldn’t stop thinking that these are the last moments I’ll spend in my house. So many memories created here, good and bad, of my loving parents and of my childhood. The bad came when my parents passed away... so lonely and miserable I’d been. But I know Mary and Joe Masters will be in my heart no matter where I go.

Fighting the tears back, I roll over the edge of the bed, and get up. Sleeping in the same bed with Ashley wasn’t pleasant. The bed is too small, and she kept banging into me with her elbows.

I snag the iTouch off my dresser as I walk past my room. There’s a picture of Ben from the internet that I had set as my background picture on my iTouch. After I power it on, I’m greeted with his handsome face, although a few years younger. I hold him against my chest and imagine our reunion. I reassure myself that I’m doing the right thing, not only for me, but for Ashley too.

Ashley’s buzzer goes off before I make it to the kitchen. I head back to the room, and when I poke my head in, I’m greeted with bright eyes that are wide-awake. “Good morning,” I say and smile.

“He,” she huffs, her way of saying hello.

“Well, this is it, our last few hours here, in this part of the world. Are you ready to roll?”

She nods at her wheelchair. After I get her into it, she throttles it forward, nearly taking off my toes in her haste. I bet she was a bad driver before her accident. Probably as crazy as Eddie.

I run through my checklist a half a dozen times while I cook breakfast, making sure I haven’t missed anything.

My appetite is weak, but I force down the bacon and scrambled eggs between feeding Ashley. We ditched her feeding tube when I discovered she could physically eat her food if it were liquefied. After I clean up the mess, and Ashley, I do a last minute sweep of the house. It’s tidy and ready for the new owners. I’ve left no trace of our upcoming journey behind.

It’s time to go! And for the love of Eddie, or death of him, he’s outside honking his damn horn in some Morse code. If the neighborhood isn’t awake, I’m pretty sure they are now.

I fling the front door open and shake a fist at him. “Stop it! Get your freaking redheaded self in here and help me, would yah?”

He grins and honks three more times, annoying me on purpose.

Ashley bumps into me with her wheelchair. She watches Eddie slide out of his jeep and dramatically walk up the ramp as if he’s a freaking model. She glances up, her wide eyes questioning me.

“Yep. He’s genuinely, certifiably crazy,” I tell her. She blows out a puff of air, and her eyes snap back on Eddie, who’s now standing in the door with his arms stretched up, palms against the metal frame.

That stupid smile he does, the one where his gums and teeth show, spreads across his face. He winks at Ashley and I swear her cheeks turn six shades brighter.

“You gonna introduce me to your friend, Morgan?” He glances at me, then back at Ashley while he steps inside. He grabs her fisted hand, uncurls her fingers, and firmly shakes it. “I’m Eddie, Crazy Eddie. Now, Ashley, I’m gonna warn you that I’m crazy in every way. I live dangerously and I drive dangerously, but danger is my game and that’s something you can bet your life on.”

Ashley snatches her hand back, alarm evident by way of her open mouth and wide eyes.

Eddie laughs. “No worries, sunshine. I’ll get y’all to your destination... unharmed, but scared shirtless! That’s how I like ’em. Shirtless and bottomless. Woo hoo!”

I’m a little alarmed myself when I hear the rumble of laughter spill from Ashley’s mouth. If she only knew the truth... how scared she’ll be in just a short while, I don’t think she’d be laughing, but crying instead.

Eddie and I pack his jeep. After we get Ashley out of the wheelchair and settled in the backseat, Eddie forces me to get into the jeep. He goes round back and straps the wheelchair to a rack.

The drive that should have taken an hour only takes thirty minutes with Eddie’s lead foot. His tires have officially hit mountain territory, and I’ve got my blindfold out of my pocket, ready to put on. Surprisingly, I make it to Rock Ridge Road without using it. Ten minutes down the road, I’m getting ready to tell Eddie where to pull over, but before I breathe a word, he holds his hand up.

“I got this. Reviewed the map and I see the skid marks on the road. Right there,” he points and then veers off onto the shoulder. “Stay here,” he says as he hops out of the jeep and scopes out the scenery, which ends against the sheer wall. I gather he’s made his decision when he turns around and smiles real big. He hops back in the jeep, puts it in gear, hits the gas, and spins a half circle, turning the jeep in the direction we just came from.

“Where—” I attempt to ask what he’s doing, but words escape me when he yanks the emergency brake, which spins us halfway round and then sends the jeep over the shoulder. We’re bouncing over rocks and plunging down some horrible, HORRIBLE slope. I’m so terrified I can’t even scream... or close my eyes! Ashley... oh, god, Ashley! I’m so scared that my muscles freeze, and I can’t even turn around to check on her.

I know we’re going to die when the jeep nose-dives and races down the massive boulder. I find my voice... and scream. “We’re going to die. DIE! Oh, god, ohhhhh, GOD! Love... love you guys... love... h-hope... side... other... other side. Ohhhhhh!” The bouncing of the jeep, the way it’s jarring us all around, I’ve lost my voice... and I can’t breathe. I. can’t. Breathe—we’re gonna die! The ground is coming at... Can’t scream, can’t cover my eyes, can’t do anything but watch in horror.

I don’t know how it happens, but the ground, the one that was coming at us, well, we hit it, and it didn’t kill us, but it shifted. SHIFTED! And we’re going UP. To the SKY!

I can’t do it. My voice finds me. “Let me OUT! I can’t... get me out! Ohhhhh!” The back and the front of the jeep are parallel. PARALLEL with the clouds, the sun, the moon, the... whatever. “Shheeeeiiiiiitttt! Eddie! Let it be done letitbedoneletitbedoneletit bedone—”

“YES, yes, YES! Woo-hoo! Crazy Eddie does it again,” he screams proudly. Right now, I’m so mad, so mad that I forget to be afraid. I turn to face him and I want to reach over and strangle him, strangle that damn gator mouth right off his face.

“How’s about that, Morgan,” Eddie says, breaking into my moment of fury. Through his window, I see trees whizzing by. Not sideway, but upright, and we’re no longer bouncing or being jarred every-which-way.

“I’m alive! We’re ali—”

Eddie releases the steering wheel, leans over me, and pries my fingers off the door handle. After he resumes his position, and his hands are back to steering the jeep, I glance back at Ashley to see if she’s still breathing.

What?! She’s actually laughing, LAUGHING like this is one big amusement park, as if she just stepped off the best ride of her life. Is she CRAZY?

“This...” I wave my hand in all directions, “... is NOT funny. Why are you laughing? Why weren’t you screaming? You think this is funny? YOU. THINK. THIS. IS. FUNNY?” I give her my best scowl.

“Ha! Chill out, Morgan. Not everyone is a chicken. You’ve gotta be the biggest wimp I’ve ever met.” Eddie laughs hysterically. Yeah, he’s so freaking funny. Ha, freaking, ha.

Finally, Eddie and Ashley’s laughter dies down. I shift in my seat and look out the front window. My heart skitters with recognition. We’re almost there, almost to the divide in the mountains.

“Eddie!” I squeal. “Oh. My. Gosh. You did it! We’re almost there. Damn, you’re T.N.T!” His reckless smirk tells me he knows, knows he’s... yeah, we’ll just leave it at that.

My stomach flips over itself when the jeep slows to a stop. I take several deep breaths, turn on my iTouch, and when Ben’s face greets me, it’s all the warmth and glory I need to keep me going. Happy tears tumble down my cheeks when I look at Ashley. No regret, no uncertainty, but only a smile warmer than a ray of sunshine floods her face.

“Well, ladies, shall we get you to point B?” Eddie asks.

“Mm-hm.”

Once Eddie and I are out of the jeep, he helps me unpack and get Ashley onto her motorized wheelchair.

“You gals charged this fully?”

“Of course we did. Besides, there’s a manual setting on it in case the battery dies. I can push it.”

“Well, how’re y’all gonna get back home? And where exactly are you going?”

“Please, Eddie, don’t ask questions. We’re grown women and we’ve been planning this trip for a while. It’s too complicated to explain, and I’m not sure anyone would understand our mission. So please, don’t ask. There’s an envelope with a letter of explanation, in your jeep, but you can’t read it until later, okay?”

“I guess, but you make it sound like y’all are not returning?”

I stare into the depths of his green eyes and there’s a glow, a shining light when I say, “There’s a place, the most beautiful and glorious place that only your soul can lead you to. Someday—”

Eddie grabs my hand. I feel his energy, and in his eyes, I swear I see the split in the forest... the brighter trail. A chill, like ice-cold fingers licks my skin and I shiver with familiarity. We’re backing away from the wrong path and moving into the darker depths of the chosen one, the right path. I see the purple, hazy stairs... then puffs of lavender flowers, the kind that only the trees in Sugar Hills of Paradise have. I see the mansion, the hidden world, and I wonder if it’s real, or just my imagination. Either way, there’s an understanding in his eyes, one that tells me I don’t have to explain.

Eddie releases my hand, breaks eye contact, and clears his throat. “Females, it’s been real and I hope the rest of your journey goes smoothly,” he says and then gives each of us the biggest, squishiest hug goodbye.

And just like that, he’s off and hopping into his jeep. He drives over the rocky floors like a sailor gliding on smooth waters. In silence, we watch him for a long time, even as he ascends the horrible wall he almost killed us on.

“Well, Ashley,” I say and we turn to face each other. “This is it. I’m so excited!”

“Yee, yee!” she yelps and claps her hands.

We turn back one last time, but in that short moment we’d paused to look away, Eddie has disappeared. Nothing but a twinkle of light lay in his wake. There are no doubts in my mind, when I look at Ashley, she saw it too, and we both agree that there is something magical about Eddie.

I turn on my iTouch, stare at Ben’s picture, and then swipe my finger over it, bringing up Danny’s picture. I show Ashley and her face lights up. No words are necessary. We begin our journey by entering the split between the two mountains. I pick up the scattered branches, the ones with the sticky pink goo, or what’s left of it, as we go.

As we get deeper into the forest, the ground gets thicker, muddier, and harder to navigate. The bugs are biting and sweat rolls off my skin. Ashley’s all perky and if she could sing, I bet she’d be singing right now. Her wheelchair motors through the gushy ground as if it were made for this. I’m watching the wheels, the rubbery nubs pass over the soil as she breezes past me.

I’m mad, mad that I have to walk and lug this heavy, overstuffed backpack while not a single toe or an ounce of muscle of hers has to trudge through this muck. I’m livid and stomp forward, and when I realize Ashley’s out of sight, I scream, “Slow down!” She knows we have to stay on track, on the marked path. The one that I, ME, placed when I had to return. I smile at my cleverly marked path.

At some point, and I don’t know when, Ashley had slowed down. She never got too far ahead of me again, and I know that she knows I was mad. I feel bad. It’s not her fault, and I’m sure she’d gladly take my position if she could. We eat lunch as we continue to keep moving, neither of us wanting to stop.

The day is nearing an end, nightfall closing in. My legs ache, and my feet hurt from walking on uneven ground. My arms, neck, and back burn from the strain and weight of carrying the overstuffed backpack. The tent is crammed into a large pocket on the back of Ashley’s wheelchair.

“I’m ready to call it a day... or night, however you want to look at it.”

Ashley spins her wheelchair around to face me. She nods her approval.

Putting up the tent wasn’t all that bad, the only part I had trouble with was pounding the stakes into the ground. Timing couldn’t have been better. Clouds are rolling in and blanket the light the moon once offered. Only slivers of it seep through the passing clouds.

Ashley and I are inside the thin layer of the tent walls. I’m whipping up dinner while the bugs are busy buzzing and annoying the hell out of me. I’m glad they’re outside and not a single one has managed to break in to the tent.

“Dinner is served... bon appetit. Ham and scallop potatoes... yummy!” I help Ashley eat the dry packed food. She’s gagging with every bite she takes. “That bad?”

She cringes and purposely lets the food seep out of her mouth.

“Stop!” I laugh and turn away. I take a heaping spoonful out of my bowl and shove it in my mouth. I know she’s watching me when she makes a retching sound. I’m trying really hard not to laugh and shovel in another pile. “Hmm...” I turn to face her while I swish the food around in my mouth. “A little bland, but not bad.” I smile at her but she doesn’t smile back.

“Oh, Ashley. You’ll survive. We could always eat those bugs. I’m sure they’d be happy to fill your belly.” I see her hand hovering over the control. “Okay, okay! I’ll stop, but you’ve got to eat.”

Ashley eats her dinner and after we’re all cleaned up and ready for bed, I turn on the flashlight and tell her stories about my time with Ben, the night of the Gala Ball, how awful Danny treated me when Melody and Kennedy arrived, how they hung all over him, and then I apologize after I realize she probably didn’t want to know that.

When she gives a little grunt, I change my direction. “I’m not going to have to worry about you and Ben, am I?” I’m only teasing... well kind of. I’d be lying if I say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. She starts laughing hysterically, so much that I’m afraid I’ll have to give her rescue breaths. “I take that as a no.”

Ashley stops laughing and begins to pat her chest. She keeps patting until I realize her hand is over her heart. “Your heart,” I say.

“Daaah,” she sputters, but she doesn’t stop patting her heart.

Heart. Danny. Oh!

“Your heart is with Danny?” I ask. She smiles and lets her had fall to her side. But then she raises it again, pounds on her heart and points to me.

“Absolutely no freaking way. Danny’s all yours. No worries there. I’m all about Ben, baby.”

She throws her head back and laughs. We both do.

We’re lying down but sleep doesn’t come easy, not when the noise of the bugs is getting louder. I feel a tingle up my spine and goose bumps erupt over my flesh. I glance at Ashley and see the raised hairs on her arm.

It’s going to be a long night if we don’t get to sleep soon. We can’t afford a late start, or to get behind with the limited amount of supplies we have. There’s only one way to drown out the pests.

I dig through my bag and retrieve my iTouch. The battery is still fully charged so I set a timer for the music to turn off in an hour. I only hope it’s enough time to put us to sleep. I can’t afford to run the battery down in case we need it to review the path I’d recorded previously.

I only have one set of earphones, but I have an idea.

“We’re going to listen to some music,” I say as I place an ear bud in one of Ashley’s ears, “but because I only have one set of earphones, I’m going to put this little ball of toilet paper in your other ear to block out the outside sounds.” She smiles at me and closes her eyes.

I have to use the backpack to prop my head on in order for the remaining ear bud to reach my ear. Ashley’s wheelchair, even though reclined, is too high of a stretch for me to lie with my head flat on the ground, but it works with my head propped. I plug my right ear with the toilet paper I’ve already rolled into a little ball.

Somewhere in the middle of Phenomenon’s Spirit In The Sky, I must have fallen asleep.

Rays of sunshine spread over my cheeks, the heat of it waking me. My back hurts from lying on the hard surface. I glance up at Ashley sleeping in her reclined position. She looks comfortable. I’m jealous.

After Ashley wakes, we have coffee and eat her favorite food—a powdered breakfast. This time, she chokes it down without the gagging effects, or letting it ooze out of her mouth. We clean up, and then I attempt to give her medicine, but she seals her lips, refusing to open them.

“You need your medicine. Why are you refusing to take it?”

She points her finger, waggles it, points to her head, and then shakes it.

“You’re not taking it because it affects your brain?” I’m guessing here.

Ashley shrugs her shoulders.

I try again. “You don’t need it because...,” I pause to study her face. “Ah! Is it because you feel good?” She tilts her head. “Okay, so I’m partly right?” She nods.

“Well, if you don’t feel you need it, I’m not going to force or beg you to take it. How about we get this stuff packed up and get on the road again?” I get a nod of approval.

The morning travel goes by quickly and we’ve covered a lot of ground before we stop to eat lunch. My legs hurt and I really want to hitch a ride on Ashley’s wheelchair. I wonder how much further we would have to go because the broken branches I had previously made a path out of seem endless.

After lunch, we waste no time and move quickly. I’m not much for conversation. I’m already exhausted and have no reserves of energy to spare. We travel for another four hours before I begin to feel ill.

I’m out of breath. “Ashley, I think we have to stop now,” I huff, but I don’t think she heard me—she’s not stopping. My head is spinning, but I keep going, until my legs give out and send me crashing to the ground.

My stomach cramps and the wretched burn of bile taints the back of my throat. I hurl. And heave.

Hurl. Heave. Hurl. Heave. Little black and white stars... fading, fading, fading...

––––––––

I open my eyes to find Ashley’s big, brown orbs staring down at me. Her body is shaking under me and she’s breathing really fast. I can tell she’s worried.

“Hey, you. I’m okay, I think.” I give her a smile, something to reassure her, but I don’t think she’s convinced.

I think I’m confused.

A. I’m lying across Ashley’s lap.

B. The surrounding forest is NOT where I collapsed.

“How?” I glance up at Ashley. “How did I get up here, on your lap? Where are we?” I panic. We can’t go off course!

Listening to the sounds around us, observing our location, I notice the forest is greener and I swear I hear water. Streams, rivers, wildlife!

“How... how did you get us to this point, Ashley? Did you follow the path? The pink gooey sticks?” So many questions!

Ashley’s shaking her head and I’m getting dizzy watching her. “If you don’t stop that, I’m going to hurl again.” Her eyes grow wide and she stills her head.

I smile. She smiles too. It takes me a few minutes to figure out what’s different about her. I concentrate on her lips and it hits me. Her smile. It’s no longer crooked. Her head... her neck... the crimp is gone. Her chin is not tipped toward her right shoulder as it had been since I met her.

“Ashley!” She jumps, obviously startled by my shouting. “What’s going on with you? Your smile... your head... what else are you hiding from me?” I poke her side. She laughs but doesn’t answer my question, and I guess it’s enough to see her happy face smiling down at me.

We stay put for the night. I’ve managed to pitch the tent, serve dinner, all while feeling a little woozy and weak from my earlier episode.

I know I need to sleep, but my mind is searching and seeking answers. Mostly about Ashley and the how’d she do this, or that. I understand. Understand that her body is healing itself, but how? Fear, adrenaline, the will to survive? Is that how she dragged me, dead weight, onto her lap? And then I realize where we are. Is it possible? The change in atmosphere... our current place in the forest... how far did she travel while I was passed out? Ashley’s new look....

I wake to the smell of dewdrops. I crawl out of the tent and really observe my surroundings. The scene is a picture of clean, clear atmosphere saturating the entire forest. On the banks, an astonishing stream sashays over smooth rocks covered with a thick, pink moss. Small currents splash against some of the larger boulders, causing bursts of fuchsia showers. I know this place. And I’m beside myself when I realize Ashley took us beyond the split, and chose the right path. THAT GIRL! She’s amazing.

“Ashley! Ashley, I can’t believe we’re here!” I holler with so much excitement that I must have aroused every critter in the forest.

The birds are squawking, frogs croaking, and all small things sing out. Never more excited than I am now, my heart pumps wildly and I can’t focus on anything other than wanting to get to the place I crave so badly.

“Let’s go! I can’t wait any longer. C’mon out and see the beauty ahead of us.” I’m so giddy and I jump to my feet when Ashley shows herself through the slit in the tent.

“Well? What do you think? Is this familiar to you?”

Ashley says, “Yee... yee... yes!”

“You said it, Ashley! You said yes! And... you no longer need your medicine?” She nods.

“You’re getting stronger, regaining pieces of yourself you had lost in the old world, aren’t you?”

“Yyee... yyes,” she says and I notice a small teardrop running down her left cheek. I give her a big hug.

She surprises me again when she wraps her arms around me. “Oh! You little brat! Why didn’t you tell me?” We both laugh and then cry.

“Okay, let’s get out of here. Are you ready?”

“Yyees,” Ashley says. I pack up the tent, though I doubt we’ll need it again.

A few hours of travel feels like an eternity when you’re anxious to get to your destination. Sucking down some water from the camel pack, I notice Ashley’s wheelchair is running out of juice. That means I’ll be pushing it the rest of the way. I already feel weak just thinking about it. I wonder where the force is, the one that carried me through the forest before, long before this point. Must have been a one-time deal.

Ashley looks up at me, her brown eyes filled with sorrow. She’s pushing the control, but the wheelchair isn’t budging.

“It’s okay. I knew it was coming.” I give her a smile that I don’t feel while I shift the lever on her wheelchair to the manual position.

“Maybe we should take a small break to eat?”

“Yyyes,” Ashley says.

We suck down our lunch and waste no time setting foot to ground, hands to wheelchair, and move along.

Neither of us speaks for the first few hours of travel. My feet are killing me and my arms ache terribly, but I won’t let Ashley know this.

About two hours later, my limbs scream with pain. I’m trying really hard to ignore it and think about how close we are, but then my foot catches on a rock and before I can right my footing, my face is kissing the ground. Blood fills my mouth and my hands sting from the little pebbles abrading the surface. I should really stop whining and get up, but I don’t want Ashley to see the tears in my eyes once she realizes why we’re no longer moving.

I glance up at her and before she can say anything, I say, “I’m okay. I just tripped over my own feet.” I laugh a little.

“Y-yeah,” she says and offers me her hand, which I’m still struggling to believe she’s more able bodied than she previously was. I take it, not wanting to offend her and to my surprise, she’s a helluva lot stronger than I’d given her credit for.

After swishing some water and spitting it out to rid my mouth of the blood coming from my poor tongue, I do the best I can to clean the abrasions on my hands and remove the pebbles. A few stretches, and I’m ready to go.

My pace is slow, but we’re moving, and I guess that’s all that matters. Ashley begins to hum. It takes me a minute to figure out what tune it is, but I laugh inwardly at how fitting it is at the moment. “I’m A Wanderer” is the name of the song I think, but I can’t remember who the artist is. It’s an oldie, probably something my parents listened to back in their time. I’m rattling the tune in my head when a familiar fragrance, one of fresh lavender, swirls in my nose and the shock of it brings me to a stop. In my musing, I hadn’t really paid attention to our surroundings, but when I look ahead, I see it. I have to absorb it and when it finally settles into my bones, where we are, it takes my breath away.

I take Ashley a few steps further and I know this is it.

“Ashley! Ohhhh! Do you see it? Do you smell it? Do you—”

“Yyyyeeeaaaah!” she squeals.

“Are you ready for this? Any doubts?” I ask before I continue.

“N-no. No, no, no,” she whispers and places both hands over her heart. “GO!” she shouts and points toward the purple haze.

She doesn’t have to scare me twice. I scuff my feet and kick some dirt behind me, gearing up for the take-off.

“That’s it then. Here we go!”

The moment we’ve dreamed of, longed for, would have died for, stands before us. Only a few steps forward will bring us to the point of no return.

“WE’RE GOING,” I yell and then I run, run like a superstar who’s about to win gold.

We sail across the magical line, the one separating two worlds.

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I see her in darkness, I see her in light; her eyes never have to be open for me to see what’s inside.

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LIGHTNING CRASHES, THUNDER ROLLS AND HAIL beats down on us. Ashley’s wheelchair drops from under her, and she hovers above the ground.

“Oh, thank God!” I didn’t mean to say it that loud but I’m excited that I don’t have to drag her through the treacherous grounds of the forest anymore. She looks at me, grabs my hand, and pulls me in for a hug. She’s no longer paralyzed.

“M-Morgan,” she says, her voice raspy.

“Oh. My. Gosh! My name sounds beautiful coming from your lips.” We laugh and startle into silence when a force of energy wraps around us. Our bodies jerk a little and then there’s a slight pull before we’re flying forward at record speeds.

Everything I’ve seen before, everything I previously recorded flashes before my eyes. Pink and gold dust swirls around us as we pass over the stairway, the key to Paradise City.

The changing colors throughout our journey are the telltale signs we’re nearing our final destination. The life we’ve chosen, hopefully never to look back at our former world, is only a short distance in front of us.

My heart races and I can tell Ashley’s does too.

“We made it! We made it!” I shout and she claps. I think she’s been doing it for so long that she forgets she’s got a voice. We’re standing beyond the stairway, slightly past the tree line. The force around us disappears and drops us to the ground. Ashley grabs my hand, and we walk through the beautiful blooming trees, along the petal-lined path, until we reach the stepping-stones toward our new beginning.

Before we go any further, we glance at each other, loop our arms together, and plug our noses. I open the door; the suction is instant and drags us under. We let go and swim to the surface gasping for air.

And there he is, the man with the mop. He doesn’t wince or look our way. He only mops away, to and fro, as he had previously. There’s a secrecy about him, but I imagine I’ll find out in due time.

Smiling as we look at each other again, we charge for the exit, stopping briefly in the empty hallway to examine our surroundings. Neither of us speak; we only laugh and smile knowing we’ve succeeded. 

We’ve found our forever.

Our first stop is Danny’s place, but it’s knowing where my next and final stop is that has me reeling. I’ll never be able to explain the most exhilarating sensation I’m experiencing knowing who I’m about to see, the man I will never let go of, the only one I love more than life itself. Ben.

Ashley’s watching me and I grace her with a knowing smile. She’s nervous as hell and excited just the same. I can’t wait to see Danny’s face when he opens the door and discovers the love of his life perched in front of him. This is a time Danny assumed would never come, the moment he’s been praying for, as Ashley and I have as well.

“It’s okay Ashley, just knock on the door. You’re his number one woman and he’s going to be thrilled when he lays eyes on you. I promise! He loves you.” I give her a nod and gesture for her to knock on the door.

Finally, after several minutes of persuasion, she reaches her arm forward and raps gently on the door.

“Do you really think he’s going to hear that? You need to knock harder! Here, let me show you.” I take her fisted hand and pound harder.

Jumping up and down, she giggles and retorts, “You little jerk! He’s sure to come now and my stomach is—oh no!” We glance at the jiggling knob.

The door creaks as it gradually opens. Danny’s nose is visible first and then his face follows. This priceless moment calls for a picture. I pull the iTouch out of my pocket and snap one. Danny doesn’t flinch, but his arms drop to his sides and he blinks several times before his eyes grow wide.

I turn toward Ashley. She’s tearful and anxiously awaiting Danny’s response. When neither of them takes that first step, I wonder if I’m going to have to intervene. Danny’s too shocked to move, and Ashley’s too shy to go for him.

I don’t have all evening. My patience is wearing thin, and my desperation to reunite with Ben spikes. Stepping behind Ashley, I push her forward until she’s standing in front of Danny.

Ugh! Neither of them is making a move, they just stare at each other. I can’t take it! I grab her hand, stretch it toward him, and say, “Hello, Danny. The name’s Ashley. Ashley Jezadabek. Remember me, your long lost girlfriend?”

While they continue their silence, I’m ready to explode. I shove them together. “Danny, Ashley. Ashley, Danny. For cripes sake! Will you do something? Try kissing her... throw her over your shoulder and take her to your man cave. Something. Anything!”

They stare at me, their lower jaws both unhinge.

I throw my hands up. “What?”

“Man cave?” Danny grins. “What exactly is that?”

“Who cares! Just get on with it. Pleeeeeaaaaaase.”

He turns to Ashley, picks her up, swings her in a circle, and locks his lips with hers in a steamy kiss.

FINALLY!

Ashley holds him with a death grip, and I can see tears tumbling down her cheeks. I almost tear up watching her and imagine she probably never thought this moment would come.

“I can’t believe it. It’s you. You’re really here. You... you came back... to me... after all this time... you came back. You’ve... you have no idea how long, how hard it’s been. Waiting. Wondering. Wondering if you’d ever return.” Danny doesn’t fool me. He might not have shed a tear yet, but I heard the tearful ring in his voice. He closes his eyes, buries his nose in her neck, and drags his fingers through her silky brown hair.

“I’m... I’m sorry it took so long. I... I wasn’t capable of returning on my own,” Ashley says and presses her palms against his chest. She gives him a little push, enough to separate them and she continues. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. It’s been pure hell for me and I thought this day would never come.” She closes her eyes and I know she’s struggling to find a way to tell him why.

Danny stares at Ashley and then he turns, orbs locking with mine. I see the bewilderment and confusion in his eyes, and the question is obvious when he turns back to Ashley and says, “You,” and then back to me, “and you?”

I give him my best cheesy smile and fold my arms across my chest.

“How are you two together? I mean, you don’t know each other... so how can you be here... together?” He keeps flipping back and forth between Ash and me while shaking his head.

Ashley grabs his cheeks, forcing him to focus on her. “If it weren’t for Morgan, I wouldn’t be here. I never would have...” she swallows hard, “... returned.” Her gaze drops to her feet.

“Things happen for a reason, Ashley, and I think it was a blessing for the both of us that we ended up together. What you don’t know, Danny, is that Ashley’s physical condition made it impossible for her to travel... or do anything without assistance.” I pause to look at Ashley, to seek her approval to tell her story. A little smile forms around the corners of her mouth and she nods her consent.

Danny draws her closer and rubs little circles up and down her back. He’s waiting for me to tell him more. Ashley buries her face in his neck and that’s my cue to continue.

I tell him how I found her, what condition she was in and how we formulated a plan. I pause to reboot. “Now you know why she wasn’t capable of returning to you. The injuries from her accident were permanent there, but here...? This place is magical.” I swallow hard at the lump forming in my throat. I can’t help it if I’m emotional and alive... alive and armed with the knowledge that there is truly something bigger, better, and more powerful than anything I could possibly begin to understand. I only know that those of us who’ve been blessed to experience this beautiful place not once, not only as a soul, but then again with our mind, body, and soul as a whole, by some extraordinary will, is nothing short of a miracle.

I stare at Ashley. “We needed each other. She’s my best friend, second to Ben, and because of her, I was able to return.” Her mouth falls open and her eyes get wide, as if she doesn’t understand.

“You know you saved me too, while we were traveling through the forest. I’m not sure what came over me, whether it was the heat or something I ate, but I had collapsed. I don’t know how you dragged me onto your lap and continued along the right path, but you clearly rescued me.” I give her a wink. She smiles and finally understands she’s a crucial part of my life as well.

By the way Danny’s drawing her into him, hands all over her, eyes locked on her lips, I can tell he’s ready to have Ashley all to himself. And I’m so ready for them to take it from here.

“If you two are all cozy and no longer in need of my services, I’d be more than happy to skedaddle. There’s a very important person I’m dying to surprise, so—”

“Ben’s not here. He’s at his...,” Danny pauses and arches his brows, “... man cave.”

“Oh?”

“He spends most of his time there. After you were called away; taken back. He won’t admit it, but I know he’s depressed.”

My stomach clenches, a familiar pang of loneliness as I acknowledge Ben’s depression. I’ve got to go... go see him. “Can you take me there?”

“Hmm,” Danny says. “You know your place is still yours. Why don’t you go pretty up and I’ll meet you there in...?”

“Forty five minutes.”

“Deal,” Danny says.

I give Ashley a hug, release her, and wrinkle my nose at Danny.

My place, something is different. I no longer have a feeling of someone watching me, but I also don’t feel like this is home anymore. My home is with Ben, wherever he goes, I’ll gladly follow.

Danny arrives exactly forty-five minutes later, and I’ve never seen this side of him, so happy and radiant. “Ready to go?”

“More than ready,” I say and step out, closing the door behind me.

The ride to Ben’s Secret Little Heaven whizzes by. Danny and I barely exchanged more than a handful of words along the way, and then I’m standing, in the clearing, nervous, excited, and a little uncertain of where to look for Ben. Danny’s already gone without even a goodbye.

I walk through the clearing, toward the waterfall. I don’t see him. The one place, and it’s where I’d be if I were here all alone, I know makes him happy, is where I’m headed. I climb the steps, recalling the last time I’d been here and how I foolishly offered myself to Ben.

Slowly, I peek over the top before I ascend the last of the steps, and a lump swells in the back of my throat—my stomach rolls and clenches tightly.

Nothing but pure, unaltered pain shatters my heart. I’m shaking so badly that I feel like I’m going to fall, and it’s a long way down from where I stand. I can’t let him... them, see me, see the devastation all over my face. No, because the one person I despise, the cruel woman who shouldn’t belong here with Ben, would love nothing more than to throw alcohol into my open wounds. Why is she here? I don’t care if three people could fit in the gap between them, or that Ben’s not physically touching her. I only want to know why he’d bring her to our, OUR secret place?

With tears spilling down my cheeks, I turn and descend the stairs. Once I hit the clearing, I run, run away from the shackles that are Kennedy and Ben. After stumbling into the safety of the trees, I fall to my knees and gasp for breath. Through the blur of my tears, I see Ben’s Air Glider.

Every moment we’ve shared, all the times my arms were wrapped around him, come crashing back. It’s too much to grasp, too hard to think of what I’ve went through to return to him, too hard to imagine Kennedy’s arms greedily hugging his body.

And then I see it. Not one, but two Air Gliders. It’s not much, but it makes me feel a tiny morsel of relief to know that her arms didn’t hold him like mine did, that he hadn’t let her ride with him.

Deep down, I know I might be overreacting, making more out of the situation than necessary. I have no reason not to trust Ben, do I? He’s never done anything intentionally to hurt me, or break my trust. But Kennedy? She’s far from trustworthy. She has wanted Ben all along and had no qualms about showing it.

She was only ever nice to me on the single account, the one, and only time Ben asked her to help with my care. But I’m sure it was nothing more than her putting on a show... for him.

There is no way I’m walking away from the one I love and let Kennedy take him from me. She can play her game, but she won’t win.

I’m kind of in a tiff. I can’t go back there, to our spot and announce my return. Not like this, not with Kennedy around. I’ll have to wait until later.

I need to get back, back to his place, or mine, but I’ve got a huge problem. I don’t know the way to Sugar Hills. There are several paths, but I don’t know which will lead me there.

Walking downhill, I decide to take the trail in the middle with the hopes of someone finding me if I get lost.

I’m following along the edges of the path, trees on both sides creating a canopy overhead. It feels familiar, like maybe it’s the one Ben and I took when we’d return to Sugar Hills in the past, but I don’t know.

There’s a sudden whir, a rustling of leaves not far behind me. I dart into the trees, scramble to correct my steps, and then hide, and listen to the Glider getting closer.

I slowly peek around the tree, cautious to not be seen, and catch a glimpse of Kennedy as she slows the Glider and comes to a halt mere inches from where I’m hiding. She’s angry and mumbling about something. I watch her and realize she’s crying, swiping at her tears with a fisted hand, and then rubbing her eyes.

Kennedy hops off the Glider and kicks the dirt, pebbles bouncing down the road. She’s pulling her hair and cursing, but I can’t hear her well enough to know what she’s cursing about... until her voice goes up a couple of octaves.

“You’re so stupid, Ben! The dumbest man alive! Who waits for a stupid girl when they can have me? But no. Morgan, Morgan, Morgan! What do you see in her? God! Why, when you can have me? Am I not good enough for you? Well fuck you, Ben! Fuck. You!”

My heart floods with excitement and fear. She’d probably kill me if she knew I were in the trees, watching her little melt down.

I know in my heart that Ben has no feelings for her, that he’s waiting for me, for my return, and I’m trying really hard not to jump out of these trees and go running back up that hill toward our Secret Little Heaven.

When Kennedy finally fires up her Glider and full throttles it down the hill, I step out of the trees. “Thanks for sharing your feelings with me, Kennedy.” I smile inwardly and start walking uphill, toward my favorite place in the entire universe.

The moon is the only light guiding me and now that I’ve made it to the clearing, I’m too excited to walk and begin to run. As fast as I can. Can’t wait to see him. There’s only a flight of stairs between us. Can’t wait!

My legs shake as I take each step along the waterfall, sprays of water splashing my heated skin. I’m closer, so close that I have to pause to keep from hyperventilating over the anxiety and excitement of seeing him.

The sound of my heartbeat pounds in my ears as I peek over the top of the steps. I can see Ben, and he is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen lying in the soft grassy spot, the same spot we shared not so long ago.

I take the last step and then cross over to where Ben lies on a large pad and pillow, the same one we shared the night we slept on his roof under the stars. I glance down at him and watch his sleeping form. The rise and fall of his chest, the tiny flare of his nostrils and I want so badly to touch his blond wavy hair, kiss those heart shaped lips that are slightly parted, and press myself firmly against the heat I know his body offers.

Ben sleeps so soundly and though I want to wake him, I decide against it. Carefully, I slide under the blanket covering him. He stirs but doesn’t wake. I watch him sleep, and listen to him as he begins to mumble incoherently. And then he smiles and rattles my name several times.

Morgan, honey... a little chuckle and another smile... don’t worry... a groan and then the tip of his tongue darts out and touches his top lip... it’s beautiful... the little bump... his fingers stretch out and curl back again. I’ve been quietly hoarding my laughter and letting the glorious, wonderful joy flood my entire body.

I don’t know how long I watch Ben sleep, probably hours, but through all of my excitement, exhaustion from the long journey to Sugar Hills finally catches up and I fall asleep.

I’m floating on a cloud, eyes closed... rays of sunlight bursting through and warming my cheeks. A little voice is whispering in my ear and it tickles but I’m not sure what it’s saying. I feel warm breath against my cheek and I smile...

“Am I dreaming? Am I in heaven? I must be because I see an Angel, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. Her hair is long and silky, eyes an icy blue, and her lips are soft and delicate with a hint of cherry flavor to them. She lies here before me and I’m astounded over the fact that she has returned to me without my knowing it. And when I wake to find her here, I know I’m in heaven.”

I’m awake, but I’m struggling to keep my eyes closed as I listen to the hum of his voice. He continues to whisper his praise. “My heart bled for her and begged for her...” or heartache, “... I had prayed for her, prayed for me; asking just this one prayer to be answered, praying she would find her way back to me.”

Ben’s tracing the outline of my face and I’m about to burst with excitement, with all the love I feel for this man, who continues to glorify me and wrap words of love around my heart.

“My love, my life, please open your eyes so I can see that you’re real.” He presses his soft lips against mine and that’s my undoing.

I throw my arms around his neck and drag him down to whisper in his ear. “I have a question.” He attempts to pull away, but I won’t release him. “How do you know this angel has icy blue eyes? Her eyes were closed.”

Ben escapes my embrace, pulls me up to my feet, greets me with his beautiful smile, and chuckles. I fall against him and our lips collide, tongues rolling over one another in a loving tango. I can’t get enough of him.

We stop to catch our breath—Ben’s staring at me, eyes glistening. His smile warms my heart and then he says, “I see her in darkness, I see her in light; her eyes never have to be open for me to see what’s inside.” His lips meet mine and in his kiss, he tells me all I need to know, how much he really sees inside of me.

The moments I lived for, longed for and dreamed of, are finally here. Our reunion is more than I anticipated. The feelings we share are so much deeper... deeper than I remember from our previous encounters.

Every part of me is glorified and any questions I have are put on hold. The only thing that matters right now is Ben; I had truly missed him. Tears roll down my cheeks. I can’t believe I’m really here holding him, and hoping one day I’ll be able to call him my own.

Ben strokes my cheeks... my shoulders... down my arms, hips, and legs. He slowly comes back up.

“What are you—”

His mouth is on my neck, hands around my waist. “I’m feeling your body, your solidness,” he mumbles against my cheek.

“What?”

He chuckles. “Not like that. You’re complete. In the physical body and not just the soul this time.”

“But what did you feel be—”

“Sh.” He presses two fingers against my lips. “Right now, I only want to feel your silky skin.” He slips his hands under the hem of my shirt. “Taste your fluffy lips.” He sucks my lower lip between his, grazes it with his teeth, slowly releases it, and drags his mouth along my jaw, stopping at the shell of my ear to exhale a throaty groan.

The smell of Ben’s skin, the way his hand behind my neck tightens and he pulls me closer... the other hand clutching at my lower back... the way he slowly brings me down to the ground, lays me back and rolls on top of me... his intoxicating smell... I grab his head and tangle my fingers in his hair. The sweet taste of his tongue is teasing mine and these are the little things, the moments I’ve missed.

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While Ben is showing me the land surrounding this Secret Little Heaven, and I’m listening... sort of, I’m also wondering how all of this is possible. This hidden world, how it stays secret, how it all operates... if there are grocery stores, neighborhoods and... well, everything.

“Are you listening to me?” Ben asks.

I glance up at his beautiful face—a single brow furrowed, a crooked smile—and know he already knows the answer to his question. 

“Um... sort of. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be distracted, but there’s so many questions running through my head.” And I wonder if he’s going to answer them this time, or...

“Come on. Let’s go back to Sugar Hills and get cleaned up. We can talk over dinner. I’ll answer your questions to the best of my ability.”

“Best of your ability?” I’m disappointed. “Are you still sworn to some sort of secrecy? Because I don’t want to hear—”

He presses his fingers against my lips. “Sh. No secrecy, love. Not this time. There’s a committee, a group you, Ashley and all those who have recently returned, will have to meet with. You’ll spend a full day learning the how and the why.”

“When? What else will I learn... is there—”

Mmmm. Ben shushes me with a kiss this time. If a delicious kiss, like the one he’s giving me now, is what asking questions gets me, he’s going to be kissing me A LOT. I’ll even make up extras just to taste him. Yum! 

Ben extracts his lips, cups my face, and presses his forehead against mine. His ice blue eyes are shimmering, inviting and warm. A smile slowly spreads across his lips and before I can say anything, his arms encircle me and we’re suddenly spinning. Round and round. He sets me down and once I right my footing, he snatches my hand and we’re running through the clearing, toward his Glider. 

“Ready to go start our future, love?” he asks as he pulls me in behind him. He cranks the throttle and we sail forward.

“Yes,” I shout through the whoosh of the wind sweeping around us. Yes, I’m ready to spend forever with you.

Not long ago, my only connection with you was when I closed my eyes and I dreamed of you. But now, when I wake, I know I’ll wake wrapped in your arms, that my dreams have truly come alive, that I’m in love without reaching for the stars. Every time you kiss me, you’re kissing the words ‘I Love You’ right down into the very heart of my soul.

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Wait! This isn’t the end of Ben & Morgan. Follow them and learn about their world, their lives, and the future!

Bonus Chapter 1 included.

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If you enjoyed this story, please take a few minutes to write a review from the place you purchased, and if you’re a blogger, reviewer, or like to share on Facebook and Twitter, your love and support is greatly appreciated. I’ll heart you forever.

Thank you so much for sharing Ben and Morgan’s journey. It was a pleasure having you along. I hope you enjoyed the story just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

XX/OO - Melisa

Connect with me online.

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Links:

Facebook: facebook.com/melisamhamling

Blog: www.findingforeverinromance.blogspot.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/melisamhamling

Email: FindingForeverRomance@gmail.com

Additional Info:

Finding Forever Trilogy:

Paradise City (Finding Forever, book 2)

A World Apart (Finding Forever, book 3)

Published work:

Twenty Weeks

Of Love & Deception

Future novels:

Less Than Twenty

(Twenty Weeks, book 2. Sammy and Sterling’s story)

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A very special thanks to Brandi Pletcher for being my biggest fan long before the revisions were made. Your inspiration and love for this novel have pushed me to bring it to life. I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am to have such a great friend! Mark Dean, my bro! You brought all of Crazy Eddie’s character to life with just a few simple suggestions. Eddie thanks you dearly. For my mother, Carolyn Gary, and daughter, Danielle Hamling, who read every chapter and wanted more, more, more! Who loved every bit of it from birth on up. For Judy and Ernie Rybol for letting me write for countless hours in that very special room, you know the one I hide out in every time we visit, where many ideas were born. For my family: Ashley Hamling, Morgan Hamling, Robert Hamling, James Dean (I love to say that famous name, and yes, he is my father!), Kathy Dean, Dan Gary, Alinda Chiecuto, Missy, Brittany, and Matthew, for all of your love and support. And for Clare “Besty” Ayala who pushes me to make it better! I might cringe, or hide from you from time to time, but you’re always right and you help me bring out the best in every story. And answer my stupid questions. Every time! You’re such a wonderful friend, critique partner, and so much more.

Love all of you!

To my lovely bloggettes and reviewers: Rachelle Ayala at Rachelle’s Window, for having the biggest heart and for being one of the biggest supporters of all things Indie. Travis Casey, ‘Mr. T’ my first male reviewer, you truly made me smile with your review and your awesome blurb help, thank you! (I still owe you). ‘Emmi’ Barnes for pointing out things that seemed off, and for taking the time out of your own writing schedule to review, thank you. (I still owe you, too). To Kimmi Smith at Lipsmackin GoodBooks, you totally blow me away and I swear, I spend more money buying books based on your awesome reviews. I have to mention you pick out the most amazing pictures that fit the characters perfectly! And to the very special, but very naughty group, I heart all of you! I’ve never laughed and drooled so much until I came into this group. Many spanks and thanks for enlightening me. To all the bloggers, reviewers, and readers who promote Indie, thank you!

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I grew up in Colorado and moved to Nebraska in the latter half of my teen years, where I’ve remained. I have a great family and my father is James Dean. Yep! The James Dean. Okay in name only, but I still love to say it. I have the best husband ever! He’s not afraid to do the laundry, or the dishes, and dang. He’s had to survive four females and a whole lot of hormones. Poor guy! We have three beautiful daughters, and our only sons, Robby and Bentley, are of course, cats. They refuse to acknowledge their furry background, and so continue to live as humanly as possible.

Most of my work experience has been in healthcare giving me the opportunity to work with a variety of people, ranging from newborn to elderly.

My true passion is writing. I’m captivated by stories that delve into facets of the human behavior: affliction, fidelity, passion, betrayal, and redemption. I prefer to take my characters through a physical journey where they learn something about themselves or take them to new and exciting places, but there is always romance involved.

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THE REALITY OF BEN AND I building a life together seems too perfect to be real. I’m overwhelmed, not only by my beautiful surroundings, but by all that has transpired since leaving the old world behind. I’m physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted.

Riding on the Air Glider and holding Ben comforts my bleary mind. The smell of him arouses my senses. I’ve missed him dearly and find myself wanting to bury my face into his shoulders. Gently, I place my cheek against his skin and snuggle up to him. Lost in mental bliss, tears threaten, and I squeeze Ben tighter.

He tugs at my hands. “Loosen your grip... you’re squishing me!” His tone is irritated, but then he takes his free hand, reaches for mine, pulls it to his lips, and kisses my fingers.

I relax. “Sorry, I d-didn’t mean t-to squeeze s-so tightly.”

He chuckles nervously.

Arriving at Sugar Hills, Ben stops the Glider in front of the garage, and whips around to face me.

“Why are you crying? What’s wrong, love?” His eyes search mine, demanding an answer.

“I can’t help it. I’m overwhelmed with so many feelings. I guess I just love you so much that it hurts. And, I’m exhausted.” I glance at the ground, embarrassed by the crazy tears escaping from my eyes.

Long fingers slip under my chin and gently lift up, forcing me look at him. I can’t brush the tears away quick enough.

“Aw, honey. It’s okay to cry. Many nights, if not every night while you were away, I’ll admit it. I cried. My heart was empty, my bed lonely, and I slept on the couch anticipating your return. It’s been a long six months for both of us.” His hand skims my jaw. His eyes look lovingly into mine, and slowly, he leans in, his lips barely feathering mine. “I love you, and only you.” The feel of his breath brushing against my lips fills me with need, desire, and I want to suck him in... all of him. His fingers slide around the nape of my neck, grasp my hair, and then his lips find mine.

His kisses are rugged, but tender, full of passion and desperation all rapped into one. I never want him to stop. My entire body tingles with joy and fear at the same time. Each swirl of his tongue deepens, draws me in and he’s pulling me closer with the strokes of his hands running up and down my back, tugging me closer until our bodies are flush.

I know we need to stop, but neither of us is willing to let go.

“Hey! You two are gonna make me puke. Stop sucking face and breathe.” Danny chortles.

Stealing a few more kisses, Ben and I finally part, and scowl at the intruder. A silhouette closes in behind Danny and takes on the form of Ashley. She steps next to him and wraps her arm around his back, palm resting on his hip. It’s odd to see her on two feet after spending most of our pastime with her in a wheelchair.

Ashley has a glow about her now. I’m sure it’s all Danny.

As we walk toward the entrance, Ben hollers, “Shut it, Danny.” He pauses, his eyes getting wider with obvious awareness of who’s standing next to Danny. My chest tightens at his sudden interest.

Ben tilts his head and grins. “Hey Ash... how are you?”

“Great. How about yourself?” She throws him an endearing smile.

Maybe it’s knowing Ben and Ashley had been a couple at one time, I’m not sure, but my face flushes. Feelings of anger and hurt stamp my heart as I watch Ben return a glowing smile. Am I jealous? Maybe. Okay! I am. I want to be the only one in the spotlight when it comes to Ben. I glance at Danny to see if he might see in the same light as I do, but he doesn’t look concerned, not until Ashley lets go of his waist.

“Well, come give me a hug! No need to be shy,” Ben says sweetly while outstretching his arms. She doesn’t hesitate. No, she charges forward and leaps into his arms. She reaches up and locks her hands around his neck. I step back and watch Ben settle his palms on her back, his fingers twisting in her wavy, brown hair. His face radiates warmth and what? Love?

Time ticks and I begin to wonder if they’ll ever separate. I can’t stand the way Ben seems to enjoy their closeness. Honestly. This is ridiculous, this showy display of affection. A hug? I get that, but this is more than that.

“Come on now, that’s a little much don’t you think?” Danny harps in a bitter tone and steps forward. “You don’t see Morgan and I—”

I’ve had all I can take. This is too much for my poor heart to accept. With every ounce of energy that I don’t have, I step forward and turn slightly to face Ben and Ashley.

I swallow past the lump forming in my throat and force the words to come forward.

“This is ridiculous.” I wave my hand back and forth, between the two of them. “I’m done. Enjoy each other... and whatever you’ve got going on here.” When they both glance at me, dumbfounded and jaws dropped, I push past Danny and take long strides down the hall. Once I turn the corner, no longer in their visual path, I stop and lean against the wall. Assuming Ben might come after me, I’m sorely disappointed when I don’t hear the pattering of feet slapping the tiled floor. Instead, vague sounds of his voice mix with Ashley and Danny’s.

“... Yeah... No... I’ll catch up with you two later.” Then it’s quiet. I dart forward and run toward my home in a futile attempt to avoid confrontation. Maybe it was a burst of adrenaline that made it possible, that allowed me to escape without capture, but I’m certain I’ve never fled so fast in my life. I struggle with the doorknob, push the door open, and finally escape the open hall. After slamming the door and locking it, I lean against it and suck in some much needed oxygen.

Unsettled and unhinged over Ben and my ill feelings, I listen cautiously to see if I can hear him outside.

Clack, clack, clack. The clarity of his footsteps slapping the surface is getting closer, louder. I feel like prey and Ben is my predator. I love and hate it.

It won’t be good for me to see him now, not while I feel completely gutted, so I head for the bathroom and start the Jacuzzi, not wanting to hear him knock on the door.

The water is above jet level, and I crank them on, undress and hop in. The only audible sound is the rumble of the jets and the rippling water.

The Jacuzzi is a much needed stress reliever. All of the tension flows out of my body and I try to relax, but the disturbing pictures of Ben and Ashley flash like two lost lovers reuniting.

I feel disgusted with myself for believing in Ben, in his pledge of love for me, and his promises of forever. Didn’t he tell me he didn’t feel the same for Ashley as he did for me? Was it not this very issue I’d been afraid of? Him wanting Ashley back if she returned? My throat thickens with the sobs I’m desperately trying to hold back.

After my bath, I step with light feet into the bedroom. I listen for any trace of Ben, any sounds that might indicate he’s still out in the hall, but it’s quiet.

My closet looks the same as it had previously. Clothes strewn on the ground where I had thrown them, all but the white sundress. I slip on some blue panties and a matching spaghetti strap tee.

Sleep would not be part of my routine tonight. Although it’s not terribly late, I know I’m too restless. Never did I anticipate so much disappointment would be part of my reunion with Ben. Kennedy the first blow, but Ashley... Ashley is my friend, almost a sister. How could she? And right under my nose? I searched for her, made her return possible, and this is what I get?

I pace my room in endless thought. I need to get out of here. Throwing on a pair of navy sweats and a pink t-shirt, I stalk into the living room, put my ear against the front door and listen for a while. No sound on the other side tells me Ben gave up and went home, or somewhere else.“Hmmph!” I hate this. All of it. I turn my head slightly and notice the envelope lying on the corner table by the couch, and remember it contains some kind of map. A map I ignored previously. I snag it up and open it. The map is of Sugar Hills and much of the things surrounding it. Had I paid more attention to it before, I might have picked up on where the boundaries lie. I see The Whispering Woods and a black line with X’s along the border, marking a boundary that is clearly unsafe. The map will come in handy so after folding it into a small square, I shove it in my pocket.

I’m not certain Ben isn’t lurking somewhere close, so I carefully turn the doorknob, slowly open the door, doing my best to keep it from squeaking, and poke my head into the hallway. EMPTY.

I’ll be all alone and that’s okay. I step into the corridors devoid of sound, of people, of life. It would have bothered me before, but not now. The atmosphere is different, real. Sauntering cautiously through the halls, certain Ben is nowhere in sight, I breathe a sigh of relief as I exit the mansion and head toward the path leading to the lake. Seems like a peaceful retreat, exactly what I need.

A glint of sunlight streaks across the evening sky. It’s not much, but enough to highlight the path crowded by a canopy of treetops. Sadness clouds my mind as I walk through the sand Ben and I had walked the night of the bonfire. My heart aches for those times, and I can’t grasp the realism of not sharing the rest of my life with him.

One moment.

One not so innocent hug.

That’s all it takes to sabotage a relationship I thought was indissoluble.

Slipping my sandals off, the soft sand seeps between my toes. Memories of Ben and I play out in my head. His touch, his kiss, his strong arms that rescued me, teased playfully, and loved me, might never carry me again. Tears roll down my cheeks and my stomach clenches. I feel heavy, yet empty inside.

For the first time in a long time, I want my parents. I want to hear their words of comfort and feel mother’s fingers running through my hair. Something she often did when I was sick or heart broken. I’d only known heartache on two previous occasions, and one of those times really didn’t count. I was only five when a boy I had a crush on, and he on me, moved away. We used to pretend we were married. Silly times, yes, but I remember how saddened I was when he left. My stomach turns when I recall what Benji, that was his name, and I had done before his departure. We spat into each other’s mouths thinking it would give us some permanent bond to each other. I gag at that memory.

I cried endlessly when Benji moved away. My father must have had enough of my self-loathing when he finally dragged me out of my room and took me to the mountains. Even at my young age, I remember loving the beauty, the smell of pine and the spray of river water splashing against my cheeks as my father and I sat on river rock dangling our bare feet in the cold currents. He had a way of making ugly very pretty.

Sunshine, people come and go. It doesn’t mean you’ll never see him again. Think of it as a long vacation, or a mission. Benji and his family are on a wonderful mission. They have to find a secret potion to heal some very sick children. Now tell me, sunshine, wouldn’t you want Benji to save those children, even if it means he’ll have to leave the greatest princess who walks this earth?

Yes, Daddy, but why can’t Benji take his princess with him? She wants to heal the children too! And she’s not a girly girl. She likes to get all dirty and muddy and... and well! She likes princess stuff too.

Oh, sunshine, Benji wouldn’t want to worry about her getting hurt, even if she is a very strong and brave little girl. He’d constantly worry about her and that would distract him from warding off evil creatures who want to stop his crusade. You see, those creatures like to gobble up little princesses, even if they’re brave.

What’s a cwusade, Daddy?

It means to fight for something important, or something you believe in.

Oh! Kinda like you, Daddy! You’re always off on a cwusade.

Yes, sunshine, just like me. And you know what?

What?

Your mommy was and still is my princess. I came back for her when I grew up and we got married and then had the most beautiful little sunshine any daddy would be proud to call his little girl. So no more tears, sweetie. If you’re all the things to Benji that he is to you, he’ll come back for you. And you can always write to him.

I remember thinking my mother was the luckiest princess ever and I was the luckiest little girl to have the best daddy in the whole wide world. That same evening, my mother took me in her arms as she so often did and whispered words of encouragement until I fell asleep.

Crouching down in the sand by the water, I grab my knees and tuck them tightly to my chest. Sobbing like a baby, I cry out, “Mom... I want you. I wish you were here by my side right now, running your fingers through my hair, telling me everything will be okay... promising things will get better. You were always correct, you and dad.”

The shuffling of feet grabs my attention, ending my heartfelt plea. I glance up to find a man walking toward me.

Unsure of what to do, I sit motionless and watch him approach. He wears a navy blue fishing hat with silver pieces shaped like fish, decorating it. His hair is mid shoulder, bushy and red and his eyes are lively and green. The left side of his mouth crinkles up in an odd smile.

What does he want from me? I have nothing to offer. Maybe he’s a spy. Seems logical someone would spy on me, the newbie of sorts.

He’s getting closer...