I’m sitting in my room, fidgeting with my backpack strap, waiting for Jack to pick me up. He should be here any minute, but all I can think about is that kiss in the hallway at school.
I’ve only ever really kissed one other boy before – Brody Kemper, who kissed like a fish (it was disgusting…and sloppy). I’ve always secretly wondered what it would be like to kiss Jack again, and now that I know, I don’t want to stop. The kiss in the hallway today was nothing like our kiss in 7th grade.
I also can’t stop thinking about what this means for our friendship. Is it too much to hope that Jack wants me to be his girlfriend? He hasn’t had any serious girlfriends in the past – thank god, since I’m positive now that I wouldn’t be able to hide my jealousy – but I know he’s kissed other girls before, or at least one other girl. He told me about Jenny Blake after that football party last year. I was relieved when he confessed that it was pretty bad. Laughing to myself, I remember him telling me how scared he was she was going to suck his face off.
I guess I always thought that Jack and I would end up together or I hoped at least. It almost feels too good to be true now that it looks like we’re actually heading that way. There’s nothing I want more, but I’ll be devastated if he doesn’t see this as long term. I want to be his girlfriend, more than I’ve ever admitted to myself in the past.
The doorbell rings, and I jump up and head downstairs. My dad answers and greets Jack with his usual warm smile. My dad loves Jack. I think he’d be thrilled if we got together. Jack is like the athletic son that my dad never had. Both my brothers are insanely nerdy – Trevor is in robotics and wants to be a mechanical engineer when he gets older, and Connor is a hardcore gamer.
Jack gives my dad a firm handshake and a smile before he catches sight of me. I watch his eyes light up and his smile grow as he takes me in. I smile back and feel the blush spreading across my cheeks.
Damn it. Why must I have fair skin? It makes my blush so much more noticeable. It’s like all my feelings are on display, but Jack doesn’t seem to mind. His smile stays glued to his face.
I turn to give my dad a hug goodbye and notice his eyes darting between the two of us. Uh oh. I think he’s catching on that something’s different. If he does, he doesn’t say. He leans in and hugs me tightly.
“Take care of my baby girl and have her back before her ten o’clock curfew,” he says to Jack.
“Yes, sir.”
I close the door behind us, and Jack opens the car door for me (again, eek!). When he gets into the car, he turns to me. “You look beautiful, Paige.”
My blush deepens, but I can’t help smiling at him. “You, too.”
Wait. What?
I did not actually just say that to Jack! I did not just imply that I thought he was beautiful! Crap!
“Um, actually…you know… I meant handsome. You look handsome. Not beautiful. Guys aren’t beautiful. That would be weird.” I’m rambling. Double crap!
I’ve never been nervous with Jack before, and now I sound like a complete moron. Fan-fucking-tastic, Paige. Nice one.
He laughs and leans over the middle console. His lips meet mine and all my panic disappears. It’s like the entire world stops spinning while his lips are pressed gently against mine. Having him this close to me is dangerous. It makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.
He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes soft but happy. “I like you all nervous like this – it’s new.”
I smack his arm, causing him to laugh more before he pulls out onto the road taking us to his house. The ride is comfortable, which is almost surprising with how it started.
I guess I shouldn’t really be all that surprised. Jack has always had this ability to make me feel incredibly comfortable with him. We can talk about anything without it getting weird. It’s one of the reasons he’s my best friend. When I was little, I always expected my best friend to be a girl, but it’s always been Jack. I’ve had girlfriends in the past, but they came and went. Some moved, which caused us to lose touch, while others got jealous of my closeness with Jack.
I was 12 when I discovered that most of my female friends were only really friends with me to get close to Jack, which was frustrating.
Last year, I had a major emotional breakdown at Western Park down the street from my house after a big blowout with Maggie Stephens at a party. Jack followed me and held me against him until I stopped crying. He never said anything, just held me close. When I finally pulled myself together, I told him everything she’d said to me and how she was only friends with me so she could hook up with Jack. Jack laughed at that and said she didn’t stand a chance in hell. He’d never hook up with a girl who made his best friend cry.
That was the last time I tried to have a girlfriend. Jack is really all I need anyway. He’s always been my protector and confidant, and I don’t ever want that to change. I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I think that’s why all these feelings that we both seem to be having kind of terrify me. I want him, but I don’t want to risk losing him for good. I don’t know if I could handle that.
We reach his house, and he comes around to open my door. We go inside and head up to his room where we usually study, but it was always innocent before. Right now, heading up to his room, it doesn’t feel innocent at all. Studying is the last thing on my mind, and from the heated look he gives me, I’m pretty sure it’s the last thing on his, too.
“Where are your parents tonight?”
“They’re at an art gala in support of a show curated by Senator Rothburg’s daughter.”
Jack’s dad is a reasonably famous lawyer representing several Congress members from Oregon and California, as well as numerous celebrities. They’re continually away at one event or another, but I’ve always been impressed at their devotion to their only child. They’ve never once missed one of Jack’s football games. I know it means a lot to him since he wants to make his parents proud. Honestly, how could they not be proud of Jack?
Jack mostly closes the door to his room. He leaves it open a smidge, I’m assuming so he can hear the door downstairs open when his parents get home. Normally, he just leaves it all the way open.
My heart starts beating erratically in my chest. He walks over to me and takes my backpack off my shoulder, gently placing it on the ground. He stands in front of me and reaches with one hand to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear. I look down, smirking bashfully toward to floor. He pushes my chin up gently with his index finger so that I’m looking at him.
“Paige, I think we need to talk.” His tone is serious, and his face solemn.
My heart plummets. Those aren’t exactly the best words to hear. They’re almost always followed by something terrible. I’ve seen enough movies to know.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He looks at me, searching for something in my eyes. I’m not sure if he finds it, but he starts to speak anyway.
“You know you’re my best friend, right?”
I nod, and he continues. “We’ve always told each other everything, right?”
I nod again. I have no idea where he’s going with this, but I can’t speak. My heart is in my throat right now, prepared for the worst.
“I have to tell you something.” He looks into my eyes deeply again, like he’s still searching for whatever he was looking for earlier. He whispers, “I have a crush on someone.”
Oh.
Oh, God.
My chest clenches painfully. This was my worst fear. That kiss in the hallway meant nothing. Ugh, I feel so incredibly stupid right now.
The burn of tears stings my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of Jack. Then he’ll absolutely know that the kiss in the hall meant more to me than it clearly did to him.
He continues on, his brow furrowed now and his words coming out faster. “I probably shouldn’t be feeling this way about her, but I can’t seem to stop myself. She’s absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t stop thinking about her.”
I can’t breathe. My heart hurts so much right now, and I feel like he just punched me in the stomach – which he might as well have. If he likes someone else, why the hell did he kiss me? Then I remember the brief kiss in the car – he kissed me twice! Why would he do that? I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.
I can’t stay here.
I look towards the door before looking back at Jack. He looks worried and a little nervous now.
“Paige.”
I can’t listen to him talk about this girl he’s got a crush on anymore, so I push him away and take a step toward the door.
“You know what, I just remembered that I, um…” Shit, the tears start to stream down my face, and I suck in a deep breath before looking down. “I have to go. I hope it works out with your crush.” My voice cracks at the end, and I wince. I hope he didn’t hear it.
I go to reach for my backpack, but he stops me and pulls me back to him.
“Damn. I messed this up. Paige, my crush is…” He’s observing me carefully, and all I can think about is how I wish the ground would swallow me up right now. I can’t believe how badly I misinterpreted this whole situation. “Paige, you’re my crush. I have a crush on you.”
I’m staring at him. Tears still streaming slowly down my face because my brain hasn’t quite caught up with the words that just came out of his mouth.
He brushes the tears from my face. “Paige, did you hear me?” He looks worried. “Please say something.” I’m beginning to realize I’ve never seen Jack nervous before, and that’s exactly how he looks right now.
“You like me? Like, like me like me?” God, I sound so much like a teenage girl right now, I want to vomit, but I can’t help how it just came out.
A small smile graces his gorgeous face. “Yeah, I like you. A lot, actually. I don’t want to mess up our friendship, but I also don’t want to miss out on seeing where this could go.”
He gently clasps my hand in his, brushing the top of it with his thumb. I shiver, and goosebumps break out across my skin at the contact.
My heart has started to beat a little more regularly. My emotions are calming down, and his words are finally settling in my brain. Jack likes me. “So, you want to date me?”
He cups the back of his neck with his hand, rubbing it a little self-consciously. “Well, yeah. Do you want to date me?”
“Yes,” I whisper. I can’t believe this is happening. Pinch me. I must be dreaming.
He full-on smiles at me this time. “So, you’ll be my girlfriend?”
I can’t help but smile back at him, especially hearing the excitement in his voice. “Yes.”
I giggle and throw my arms around his neck and kiss him like I’ve wanted to since he picked me up. His arms go around my waist, and he holds me close to him. This is really happening. Oh my god.
We make out for almost an hour before we take a break to grab some food, and I let him copy my notes from history. Afterward, we put on a movie, cuddling and making out some more before he takes me home for my curfew. Jack is a perfect gentleman. Despite the apparent bulge in his pants, he never pushes it past kissing. He doesn’t even try to feel me up – which I’m only slightly disappointed about.
When Jack takes me home, he walks me to the front door and kisses me goodnight. It’s perfect, and I’m walking on clouds as I get ready for bed. I lay against my pillows, looking up at my ceiling, and fall asleep thinking about Jack’s kisses.