I’m way more nervous than I thought I’d be. I’ve heard all about sex in the locker room, and I’ve been endlessly hassled for not sealing the deal with Paige, yet, but I didn’t want to rush her. It’s become pretty clear that how I feel about Paige is different than how the other guys feel about their girls.
I didn’t expect to feel so nervous, though. I’ve been thinking about this almost non-stop since we started dating, but not once did I think I’d be the one trembling, with a knot in my stomach that’s all nerves and excitement. I really want this to be good for her.
Paige is smiling with her eyes closed, her head pointed up towards the darkening sky. The sunset behind her outlines her silhouette with a soft glow. She’s never looked more beautiful.
She takes my breath away.
My chest hurts at the thought that in one short month, I won’t get to see her every day. It feels so unfair that I get this taste of heaven for six months, and then it’s going to get taken from me.
Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic. But still. I’m realistic enough to know that 16-year-olds can’t usually make long-distance relationships work. I shake my head slightly. I need to stop worrying about the future. I have Paige sitting right here looking more gorgeous than ever and she’s all mine. I need to enjoy these moments while I still have them.
I slide my fingers through her silken brown hair. I’m mesmerized by her and endlessly fascinated with the feel of her soft strands as my fingers glide through them.
Her eyes still closed, she lets out a soft little sigh, “I love when you do that. It feels so good.”
She opens her eyes slowly and turns to me. She’s giving me that look that I know is reserved for only me. I’ve never seen her look at anyone else like this, and I don’t ever want to – I think it would kill me to watch her give this look to another guy.
I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but at this moment, I want to kiss the ground she walks on. Instead, I lean in and kiss her softly.
She moans and deepens the kiss. I gently lay her back on the blanket we’re sitting on and cover her body with mine, not breaking our kiss. I’m positioned between her legs, and even with all our clothes on, it’s my new favorite place to be. The feel of her beneath me is unreal. I pull back and look in her deep brown eyes. As I brush her hair back, I see a tear slip from her eyes. I catch it with my thumb.
“Paige, what’s wrong?”
Did I move too fast? We’ve talked about this a lot. I thought she was ready, but now I’m worried. I don’t want to push her.
“Is this too fast? We can stop. I’m sorry, I thought…”
She cuts me off with a kiss. “I don’t want to leave you,” she whispers.
I can hear the pain in her voice and it kills me.
“Shh. Don’t think about that right now, okay. We’ll figure it out. I love you, Paige. You’re my best friend…my everything. We’re going to get through this.”
Paige reaches up to run her hands through my hair. She pulls me down to her and kisses me softly.
“I love you so much, Jack.” She kisses me deeper, her hands gripping my hair. “Make love to me.”
I pull back. “Are you sure?”
She nods.
“I really need to hear you say it, Paige. I don’t want to pressure you. We can wait.”
“I don’t want to wait. I’m sure. I want you to be my first. Stop talking and kiss me.”
I can’t deny Paige. I’d give her the whole world if I could. I lean down and kiss her softly, my lips trailing down to her collarbone. We’ve kissed like this before, but it feels different now, knowing that we’re going all the way. She sits up a little and pulls off her shirt. I reach my hand around and fumble a little with her bra hook.
God, I’m so nervous. I want this to be good for her. When I finally get her bra unhooked, I slide the straps down, not breaking eye contact with her. Paige has a great body, but I want her to know I’m looking at her, not just her body.
She slides her fingers under my shirt, causing goosebumps to break along my flesh. It feels insanely good when she touches me. I help her get my shirt off, and then we’re laying there topless, skin on skin.
Nothing has ever felt better in my entire life.
I kiss her before moving down to unbutton her jeans. She helps by sliding them off while I slip out of my own. I pull a condom out of the basket – I came prepared – and set it down next to us on the blanket, so I don’t have to look for it later. I glance around us, making sure that the beach is still empty and no one will accidently find us in this secluded spot.
I look back at Paige and my breath catches in my throat seeing her laid out on the blanket absolutely, unreservedly, perfectly naked. As much as we’ve hooked up the past few months, we’ve never actually been completely naked with each other. I take back everything I said about Paige being gorgeous before. She is, but damn, looking at her spread out before me totally naked – I’ve never seen anyone or anything so beautiful in my entire life. I can’t speak. I’m in awe of her.
Our hands quickly explore each other, our lips sometimes following. I’m not usually such a touchy-feely kind of guy, but this moment is everything I hoped it would be, not just for Paige but also for me. I guess I didn’t realize how special I wanted it to be until now.
We fumble around with the condom. I’ve never been so hard in my life.
I slide my fingers through her soft folds, making sure she’s ready before I position myself at her core. I watch in total fascination as I slowly slide into her.
Oh. My. God.
She’s so tight.
It’s the most unbelievable feeling in the world. I have to stop for a second, taking deep breaths and closing my eyes. I’m praying for the control to make this last because I’m on the verge of coming and I’m barely inside her. With one more deep breath, I feel under control enough to keep pushing deeper. She inhales sharply when I hit against a barrier. She winces, and I stop.
“Does it hurt?”
“A little” She takes a deep breath. “Just keep going.”
“Maybe we should stop.”
That would kill me, I’m pretty sure. Can you die from blue balls? But I can’t hurt Paige. I start to slide out, but she grabs my ass and holds me to her.
“Don’t stop, Jack. It’s okay. It’s normal for it to hurt the first time. It’ll go away. Please don’t stop. I want you to be my first.”
Like I said before, I can’t deny Paige anything. I take a steadying breath and continue to push into her. I push a little harder and finally, break through the barrier. She cries out and takes a deep breath. I want to stop – I mean, I don’t because this feels fucking incredible, but at the same time, I can’t stand the idea of Paige in pain, while all I feel is pleasure. I don’t want to hurt her, but then I feel her squeeze around me and I’m lost in the ecstasy of this moment. I close my eyes, using all the willpower I possess to keep myself from coming.
She whispers, “Don’t stop, Jack,” so I keep going. I’m finally seated in her all the way, and I’m pretty sure I could die of total bliss right now. She feels so fucking good. The pleasure shooting through my body is insane, and I realize I’m definitely not going to last long. This is way better than my hand or her mouth. I can’t get over how tight she feels.
So. Tight.
I look at her and watch her as I start to pump in and out. I’m struggling for control, but I know enough from locker room talk that I want her to come first. The guys have talked about all different kinds of ways to hold off. I start reciting the alphabet backward in my head, but I get distracted by the noises she’s making. They sound different than earlier.
“Does it feel good?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
Her eyes meet mine, and I’m completely lost to her. If Paige didn’t have all of me before, she sure as shit does now.
I continue to pump inside her, but I’m losing my battle for control.
“Paige, I can’t hold off much longer. You feel so fucking good.”
My muscles are tight and burning from the restraint. My whole body is fraught with tension. She’s moaning more now. I need to make her come.
I suddenly remember something Brandon Fishell told me about rubbing a girl’s clit to make her come. I move one of my hands down towards her clit and start massaging it gently. Her breath stutters, and she starts moaning louder, wholly lost to the feeling.
It’s so sexy.
Suddenly, she tightens and pulses around me as she calls out my name, her arms scraping down my back as ecstasy washes across her face. The feel of her coming around me is my undoing, and I completely lose it. I come hard. Harder than I ever thought was possible.
We lay there holding each other for a long time after, not talking. I’m playing with Paige’s hair, holding her tightly to me, her hand wrapped around my waist, a second blanket that I brought covering our naked bodies.
“Was it okay?” I ask tentatively.
I want more than anything for her to have enjoyed it. I know I did.
She sits up and looks at me, “Jack, it was perfect.”
A smile breaks across her face, and I let out a relieved breath. I pull her back down to me, holding her close. I never want to leave this moment. I kiss her hair and tell her how much I love her. The words don’t feel strong enough to convey how I feel about her. I know now, without a doubt, that Paige is it for me. She’s the only one who will ever make me feel like this. She has all of me.