Chapter 3:
Communicating Effectively Before You Even Speak!

What is communication? Put simply, it’s the transference of ideas and information from one location to another through various methods – speech, writing and body language being the most obvious. Looks and gestures can communicate ideas as effectively as the spoken or written word. In some cases, what you don’t say communicates far more than your words. However, effective communication is not nearly as simple as it sounds. It’s not just a matter of passing a piece of information along and forgetting about it, it’s a continual cycle of information exchange, understanding, interaction, and feedback.

If whatever you communicate is not understood, then the process grinds to a halt, because understanding facilitates interaction and feedback. Therefore, the initial aim of communication is understanding, whether you are communicating with one person or many, through the spoken or the written word. If you aspire to be an effective leader, you need to be an effective communicator. Fortunately, this is a skill that can be learned and perfected over time. Here are some of the things you need to concentrate on if you want to become an effective communicator, before you even open your mouth or pound the keyboard.

Learn to listen

COMMUNICATION ISN’T just about you – it’s a two way thing between you and your audience, whether it’s one other person, several people, or thousands of people in an arena. A common mistake is to concentrate so much on getting your message across that you forget about the other half of the communication set up. You also need to learn to listen to the people you are communicating with. That doesn’t mean just hearing the words they speak – pay attention to the tone and volume of their voice, note their expressions, take heed of their body language. Are they agitated, stressed, angry? Ask yourself why, and then ask yourself what you can do to ease the situation and improve communication.

There are several ways you can develop your listening skills, and it’s a good idea to attend to this before working on your presentation and delivery skills. Experience  ‘the other side’ first. Listen to people speaking, and engage with them. Work out what’s good about their communication, and analyze the weaknesses in their delivery.

It’s a communicator’s job to engage his audience, and if you are not engaged as a listener, don’t just switch off, ask yourself why you are not engaging with the speaker. This will help you develop your own communication skills, so it’s an exercise well worth participating in. Remember communication isn’t just about the speaking – there is non-verbal communication as well, and this can engage or alienate the listener just as effectively as the words the speaker uses. So, ask yourself what is preventing you from engaging in communication with the speaker. Is it what they are saying, or what they are not saying? Is there something in the tone of their voice, their body language, or even the way they are dressed that is putting up a barrier to communication? You need to know so that you don’t make the same mistakes as a communicator, but first of all, concentrate on listening, because good communication works both ways.

Aspects of non-verbal communication

IF YOU WANT TO COMMUNICATE effectively as a leader, you need to understand all aspects of communication. As has already been mentioned, listening is important, because communication is not a one way street. It’s an interactive process. Too many people focus on getting the message across and forget that the way that message is received and understood is equally important.

Non-verbal communication gives clues to the audience and also affects the way they perceive you. You will have heard the expression ‘First impressions count,’ and if you want to communicate effectively, the first impression people get of you is important. Some people will have formed an opinion about you before you even open your mouth. It may not be fair, but it’s the way of the world, and you have to go along with it. These are some of the ways you can nail non-verbal communication and give yourself the best possible chance of engaging successfully and productively with your team.

Dress appropriately

WHAT YOU WEAR SPEAKS volumes about you as a person before you even open your mouth. To be an efficient, respected leader, you need to convey that you are focused and in control, and ready to lead by example. That’s not going to happen if you show up in jeans and a t-shirt, even if they’re designer jeans, because jeans equals casual, and there should be nothing casual about your leadership style.

Dress to impress, but not to dazzle. You want your team to be intellectually drawn to you, as well as the message you are aiming to convey, so your clothes should be smart, functional, and tidy. Go for a suit or smart pants with a jacket. This works for ladies too, although they may prefer a dress or skirt. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as it’s smart, but don’t make the mistake of wearing short skirts and flashing your legs in order to gain attention. You’ll get attention alright, but it will be the wrong kind of attention, and in fact you will only succeed in diminishing your credibility as a leader if you use your physical attractiveness as a way of engaging with your team.

That goes for men too – don’t rely on your charm to get attention, make full use of your communication skills. You’re leading a team, not looking for a date. If this sounds like unnecessary advice, you’d be surprised how many people believe they need to be physically attractive in order for people to take notice of them. That’s not the case, although some people are superficial enough to believe that only people who look good on the outside can be good leaders. That’s the sort of thinking you’ll come up against, and you need to be aware of it so you can counter it. So, dress smartly but comfortably – you don’t want to be fiddling with bits of clothing while you’re trying to communicate with your team. Be clean and tidy, and look like the competent and confident leader you are.

Body language speaks volumes!

IF YOU WANT TO BE AN effective leader, you need to be aware of your own body language, and also be able to read the non-verbal signals in others. That gives you a heads up as to how they are reacting to your communication skills, and it also provides a good insight into their attitude to yourself and fellow team members. There’s so much around about body language these days that you can soon pick up all you need to know, but here’s a quick guide which will get you started on body language interpretation.

As a leader, you want to come across as confident, focused and efficient, so your body language should be ‘open’ to display those traits even before you speak to anyone. To exude a confident persona, you should:

• Walk tall. Stand straight, with your shoulders back, and stride out purposefully. Don’t hesitate, and don’t shuffle along. Walk like you want to be noticed. Walk like you know what you’re doing and you’re in control.
• Smile and look them in the eyes. A bright smile, rather than a tentative lifting of the corners of the mouth is what you’re looking for here. If smiling doesn’t come naturally to you, try to remember a funny joke you just heard, or something cute your dog, cat – or your partner for that matter – did before you left home. That will always do the trick! Always, always, make eye contact with your team members. That’s why you need the smile, because otherwise you could look as if you’re staring aggressively, and that will put people on the defensive. People who maintain eye contact are perceived as confident, trustworthy and sincere – just like you!
• Don’t fidget. Any movements or gestures you make with your hands and arms should look as if they’re part of the presentation, and have a purpose. That’s why it’s important your clothes are comfortable – you don’t want to be fiddling with buttons and fastenings, because it detracts from your authority in an insidious way. Try not to touch your hair, or your face, or your ears unless you are actually making a point. Think of your hands and arms as props for illustration purposes, and don’t let them wander around unsupervised!
• Speak low, but speak clear. When you get to open your mouth, make sure it conveys the same impression that your appearance and body language have created. You are in charge, you are in control, you are confident. Don’t mumble, speak clearly, and keep the pitch low. Yes, this is verbal communication, but it’s following on closely from the body language, and reinforcing that first impression, so it merits a mention in this section.

Now you have a Body Language Blueprint to project the image of a confident leader. You can now look out for those same non-verbal signals in the members of your team. This will enable you to identify the confident ones, and those who are going to need a bit of encouragement, and maybe some coaxing and coaching to allow them to realize their true potential.

In addition to knowing how to read confidence from body language, you need to know how to spot the signals when someone is closing themselves off to your communication, and not engaging with you as you hope and expect. If a meeting or presentation is not going well, there will be indications from the body language of those who do not feel comfortable, and may even feel defensive in your presence. Recognizing these signs will allow you to change your tactics or work out a way to make the person or persons feel more comfortable and engaged with the message you are aiming to communicate.

• Gestures are kept close to the body. In the same way that controlled, open movements indicate confidence, if someone keeps their hands and arms close to their body – maybe even crossing their arms in front of them – they are not happy with the situation. This is a typical defensive, protective stance.
• No eye contact. Just as maintaining eye contact exudes confidence and openness, if someone avoids eye contact, it shows they are uncomfortable around you. Or they may have secrets to keep – after all, the eyes are said to be the ‘windows of the soul.’ If someone refuses to make eye contact, or if you cannot maintain eye contact with your team, it’s a red flag for problems in the dynamics of your relationship, whether it’s professional or personal.
• Frozen face! Okay, this is not a literal description, but when somebody is on the defensive, or if they are not engaging with you, facial expressions are kept to a minimum. No smiles, no raised eyebrows, no indications at all, because they have closed themselves off from you, and they don’t want to let you into their space. You need to find out why this should be – it’s part of your role as a leader.
• Physical distance. When someone is on the defensive, or is unhappy with how the communication is going, they will turn away from you, physically as well as intellectually and emotionally. This is most clearly demonstrated when someone turns their body away from you, even if they seem to be amicable in other speech and behavior. Instead of being open to your communication, they are closing themselves off from interaction with you, and you need to address this. Also, when you are in a negotiating situation and you are not happy with the way things are progressing, you need to be sure that you do not display defensive body language.

The body language patterns described above are defensive and uncomfortable, and someone displaying this behavior is not going to be open to communication or receptive to your ideas. Therefore, as a leader, you need to figure out why this should be. Is it something you are saying, or maybe the way you’re communicating your message? If that’s the case, you’ll find that several people will be displaying defensive body language traits.

However, if it’s just one person, maybe the problem is with them. It could be that they are not understanding your communication, or for some reason they are unable to feel comfortable with what is happening. Or maybe it’s something entirely personal to them. Whatever it is, if you can identify these negative traits, you can at least try to make the situation more comfortable, for yourself and the team member or members concerned.

Being aware of the way you and those you work with communicate non-verbally, and understanding the significance of this interaction will help you to become a better communicator, whether you are interacting one-on-one or making a presentation to a crowd. The best communicators are those who can pick up on non-verbal signals and act on them so that their message is received, understood and auctioned, and all the members of the team are comfortable with it. It sounds like a challenging prospect, but actually a lot of it can be picked up by trusting your instincts and your experiences with others. If you can be ahead of the rest in understanding the significance of non-verbal communication, you will have a head start when it comes to what most people consider to be ‘real’ communication. Now it’s time to see how your words can be tailored to motivate and inspire the members of your team to do what you want them to do and work together to achieve your objectives.