Praying for Your Husband as a Father
Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly… nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.
1 PETER 5:2-3
I’m sure you already know this, but let me shout it out from my heart: “God is amazing!” It doesn’t matter where you turn—you can’t miss the amazing handiwork of the Creator. And there’s no doubt that the most amazing part of His creative handiwork was the creation of man and woman. What is overwhelming about this feat is that God created us in His own image. He said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness” (Genesis 1:26).
Just as you and I were “created” physically by an earthly father, in a spiritual sense God is our Father through creation too. In fact, many times the Bible refers to God as “Father.” Jesus also referred to God as “our Father in heaven” (Matthew 6:9). This makes the concept of fatherhood extremely important as it applies to the human family, and that includes your family.
As we come to another verse to pray for our husbands—this time as the father of our children—we have much to learn from a scripture that accurately depicts how God models His role as our heavenly Father. We can begin to get a glimpse of what God expects of His earthly fathers, which includes your husband if or when you have children.
My very first thought when I think of God’s fatherly care for His children is Psalm 23:1, which states, “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.” In this one psalm—in only six verses—our heavenly Father delivers twelve promises to us, His children. In a mere 117 words (depending on your Bible translation), God promises to care for and provide for us, to give us rest and peace, to heal us and guide us. He assures us of His 24/7/forever presence! And He tells us that we will find comfort and friendship, protection and hope in Him. And you know what? This is all we need, and He provides all of it!
That is what God, the Father, does for us—and what He models for earthly fathers to do for their children.
Every Flock Needs a Shepherd
Let’s begin by looking at a verse that describes the act and manner of shepherding a flock. Then we’ll see how it can then be applied as you pray for your husband in his God-given role as a shepherd and a father.
Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly… nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock (1 Peter 5:2-3).
These insightful verses were written by the apostle Peter, who for sure knew a lot about the subject matter at hand. After all, he was one of the 12 disciples. He had personally watched and witnessed Jesus shepherding His followers for three years. And after Jesus rose from the dead, He appeared to the disciples and spoke directly to Peter. What was the Lord’s message to him? Three times, Jesus told him the same thing:
“Feed My lambs” (John 21:15).
“Tend My sheep” (verse 16).
“Feed My sheep” (verse 17).
Before Jesus left earth and ascended into heaven, He repeated His message to Peter three times to made sure he understood his responsibilities as a shepherd: Take care of my flock!
And here in our passage addressing the role of father (1 Peter 5:2-3), as Peter closed the book of 1 Peter, he did exactly what his Lord had done. Peter delivered a final exhortation and passed on what Jesus told him: He addressed church leaders regarding their responsibilities as shepherds to those in the church. Note this checklist for pastors, leaders—and dads!
The ministry of a shepherd—“Feed the flock.” This is what the word shepherd entails. The duties of church leaders include feeding, leading, encouraging, mentoring, and guarding their flocks. A shepherd’s ministry is to take on the oversight of his people and be their leader.
You, like the apostle Peter, are to desire that your husband will see himself in this same pastoral and shepherding role with his flock—with his children. And so you pray!
And here’s something else to pray for. In order to “feed the flock,” your husband must first have something to “feed” his children. So make it a priority to pray that your husband—your children’s father—will realize that he must first have God’s Word in his heart so he can pass it on to his children’s hearts. That is the clear message of God’s command to parents in Deuteronomy 6:6-7:
These words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
With God’s words in his heart, your husband can then “teach them diligently” to your children.
The motive of a shepherd—“… not by compulsion but willingly.” As was true of Peter, the shepherd must serve the Lord with a willing heart. He should fulfill his role because he loves Christ and the flock, not because he has a job to do. For you, being a mother is a high calling. You know in your heart that your children are not a job you are required to fulfill. They are your flesh and blood, the children of your heart. And the same motive should be true of your husband.
And so you pray! Pray that your husband will see being a father to his children as his high calling and own it. Pray that he will realize that being a father is his greatest mission, joy, purpose, and reward. Pray that he doesn’t see being a dad as just another duty or obligation, but as a privilege given to him by God.
The manner of a shepherd—“… nor as being lords.” Just as church leaders are not to act as dictators, you should pray that your husband will be sensitive and discern the right balance between love and discipline. Paul spoke of this balance when he issued this warning and exhortation to dads: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
In his book A Dad After God’s Own Heart, my husband Jim says this about the balance a dad needs to have:
Your children need your dual role of love and discipline.
Love without discipline is sentimentality.
Discipline without love is bondage.
God’s dad keeps these two actions of love and discipline in their proper balance.1
Herein lies another prayer request for you to lay before God on behalf of your husband—so pray away!
The stewardship of a shepherd—“… over those entrusted to you.” Hebrews 13:17 tells us that church leaders “must give account.” They are not to take their positions lightly. Why? Because God is holding them responsible for how they lead their flock. If you are like most church members, you pray regularly for your pastoral staff. And the same should be true of praying for your husband’s understanding and execution of his stewardship of his children.
Church leaders must give account to the people, to their board, to their denomination—and most of all, to God! And your husband too will one day give an accounting to God for the children God entrusted to him, for his diligent care and oversight of them as their father.
And so you pray!
The responsibility of a shepherd—“… being examples to the flock.” Church leaders are to be responsible examples. After all, we know that the best way to get people to follow you is to set the pace yourself. A pastor is not to demand respect; rather, he is to command it by the godly life he lives and by his sacrificial service. And the same is true for dads too.
And so you pray! In 1 Timothy 4:12, the apostle Paul told Timothy, his disciple and son in the faith, six ways he should live as a positive example to those in his church. Paul wrote, “Be an example to the believers
in word,
in conduct,
in love,
in spirit,
in faith,
in purity.”
And so you pray! God’s Word has provided in 1 Timothy 4:12 a prayer list you can use as you pray for your husband’s character and conduct in all his roles and relationships—especially in the most important ones of all, those with his children.
Your Husband as a Shepherd
Are you wondering why I chose a verse that speaks of shepherds and shepherding a flock as a verse for you to pray for your husband? I know for a fact that many people have never seen a sheep, except maybe at a zoo or petting zoo. And it’s pretty rare to see an actual shepherd herding and tending to sheep.
I had the surprise of my life when I interviewed for a job in a town on the outskirts of Los Angeles County. After stopping at the gate to gain entrance to the acreage of the Brandeis Institute, I drove down a long road leading away from all signs of city life. And there, for the first time, I found myself personally witnessing a shepherd—complete with a for-real sheepdog—moving flocks of sheep! Well, for more than a year I worked at this kibbutz-style Jewish institute in Simi Valley. Often I was stopped on my way in or out because the shepherd was herding the flocks of sheep across the road to a site with water and green pastures.
Yes, sheep and shepherds still exist in our modern-day world! And yet the idea of shepherding is generally a foreign concept for most people, especially those who live in cities. You don’t come across many shepherds and sheep hanging out in Times Square in New York City or Pershing Square in downtown Los Angeles. And for sure you won’t see many shepherds leading their flocks down the Magnificent Mile of Chicago. So why and how does the emphasis and analogy of a shepherd help us understand and pray for our husband’s role as a father?
First, shepherding is a part of biblical culture. A shepherd fulfilled a vital function for the agrarian people in biblical times because of the prevalence of so many sheep. Even today those who inhabit the Middle East continue to do what they have done for thousands of years. Seeing shepherds and sheep is an everyday sight, a way of life.
But even more important and thrilling is the fact Jesus provided the perfect role model of what a shepherd does, and by extension, what a father is to do in his care for his children. In John 10:11, Jesus referred to Himself as “the good shepherd,” and throughout John 10, Jesus spoke of what He did as a shepherd. These activities and His personal example provide many parallels that can help fathers today, as well as help you as you pray for your husband as a dad.
My Prayer for My Husband 
1 Peter 5:2-3
Heavenly Father, I come before You now to pray for __________, the father of my children. I pray for__________ to see himself as the shepherd of the flock You have placed in his life—our children. Give __________ Your love and wisdom as he leads as a loving shepherd of our flock, not as a lord over them, and not because he has to, but willingly and joyfully. May __________ set a godly example in our family.
Your Husband’s Role as a Shepherd
I hope you are appreciating the beautiful picture Scripture sketches in both John 10 and 1 Peter 5 of what it means to be a good shepherd and what a good shepherd does for his flock.
A shepherd leads his flock—While speaking of the role of a shepherd, Jesus said, “He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him” (John 10:3-4). There is no doubt this description clearly presents a shepherd as being a leader of his flock. And, just as sheep need a leader, your children need their father to lead them. Most men are involved on some level of leadership at their jobs. A good place to begin your prayers is by praying that your husband will see that leading his family is even more important than being a leader at work.
A shepherd is willing to endure hardship for his sheep—In the Old Testament, Jacob told his uncle what he had physically endured to care for Laban’s sheep. “There I was! In the day the drought consumed me, and the frost by night, and my sleep departed from my eyes” (Genesis 31:40). God’s dad willingly endures hardship for his children. In another chapter in this book I mention that at one time in our marriage, Jim held down four jobs in order to provide for me and our daughters. He never complained, and throughout that difficult time he happily endured hardship. And I knew he would have been willing to do even more if that was what it took for our family—his little flock—to be safe and cared for.
A shepherd is responsible for protecting his flock—The boy David is perhaps the most famous shepherd in the Old Testament. Later, David became the second king of Israel. Many of his psalms were written while watching over his family’s flocks. Like most shepherds, David was extremely protective of the sheep in his charge. He even related how he had “killed both lion and bear” to faithfully carry out his duty of protecting of his father’s sheep (1 Samuel 17:34-36).
A father not only provides protection for his family against the dangers of physical harm. He also applies vigilant watch and protection in the spiritual realm. He fiercely guards over his children’s hearts.
And so you pray! Pray that your husband will see himself as your children’s spiritual shepherd and protector as well as their physical shepherd and provider.
A shepherd provides for his flock—The most famous psalm in the Old Testament is Psalm 23. This well-known, popular, and often-quoted passage is frequently referred to as the Shepherd’s Psalm. It begins with these familiar and comforting words: “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want” (verse 1).
Throughout this psalm God is seen as a loving shepherd who always provides for His flock. David, the writer, viewed God’s provision in a very personal way as he referred to God as “my shepherd.” Thankfully, most men see their number one priority as providing for their family. This is as it should be, according to 1 Timothy 5:8, which states quite strongly: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
The shepherd knows his flock—David’s personal shepherding imagery continued on into the New Testament to the greatest shepherd of all, the Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus declared, “I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own” (John 10:14). Absence does not make the heart grow fonder.
And so you pray for your husband to be involved in the lives of his children. You pray he will grow so close to them that he knows all about them—their hopes, their dreams, their fears, and most of all, their relationships with God. Your husband’s physical presence and personal awareness will be the greatest ways he can influence them. And, as an added bonus, as he is with his flock, he is modeling God’s character as their caring heavenly Father.
The shepherd is willing to sacrifice himself for his flock. Using your imagination, try to visualize David when he was about 12 years old and had a sword in hand, doing battle with wild beasts as he placed his body between his sheep and the vicious animals, fully ready and willing to sacrifice himself to protect his flock.
Now recall the ultimate sacrifice of the good shepherd, Jesus, as He stated His resolve: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep” (John 10:11). Jesus, the ultimate shepherd, willingly laid down His life for His sheep. You and I both know that our husbands would, without hesitation, be willing to give their lives for their children. So as you pray for your incredible husband, don’t forget to thank God for the kind of commitment he has to you and your children. You’ve got a real hero right there under your own roof! Then whisper a prayer that God will help your husband not only be willing to die for his family, but be willing to sacrifice himself to live for and with his children. Pray for him to be willing to sacrifice…
— his time for time with his children
— his interests for the interests of his children
— his fun for having fun with his children
— his comfort for the comfort of his children
— his finances for the future of his children2
Jacob and David and Peter, and most especially God and Jesus, show us what a good shepherd looks like. In them we see models of how God desires a dad to interact with his family. The concept of a shepherd is thousands of years old, yet even today it still illustrates—beautifully and powerfully—your husband’s role as a father.
Beyond Prayer, What Can You Do?
Prayer is precious. It is also work. But one thing I relish about time spent in prayer is it usually occurs when all is quiet! This can happen early in the morning when your world is still and dark. Or it can happen later, after your husband and children have vacated the house and you are left home alone with a blessed quietness. I’m not saying we don’t sometimes cry our hearts out and unburden all of our sorrows and worries and stresses when we pray. After all, what else can we do with them?! But generally, prayer takes place in the natural, normal flow of a day. It’s you and God, you worshiping and God listening as you commune and talk over your life and your day—and your husband—with the Lord.
But sooner or later, prayer time is over and you need to rise up and face the day and its realities. You’ve prayed for your husband: Check. Now what can you do beyond praying for him?
1. Encourage your husband in his role as father—Take every opportunity to let your husband know how much you appreciate his involvement with the children. Ask him if he’s okay with you setting up some family activities and outings. And ask him if he has suggestions and ideas for these get-togethers. One of our favorites was a family slumber party in sleeping bags right in our own living room—complete with flashlights and, of course, lots of snacks! You can also suggest that the two of you read a parenting book together or take a parenting class at church so you both can be better parents.
2. Talk with your husband about ways each of you can be with the children—Help him find the time to be with the children. You could suggest that he take each of the children on an outing by themselves once in a while. If he has a time-consuming job (and what husband doesn’t!), suggest that he take one or all the kids with him when he runs errands. These local jaunts might just be one of the few times he can truly spend with one or all of the children all week! Maybe (and I know this requires more time and a lot of patience) you can suggest that as he works on or washes the car, or works on the lawn and yard or house, he could include one of the kids. As they work together he will have opportunity not only to teach them, but to enjoy one-on-one conversations.
3. Assist your husband in his role as spiritual leader—How? Schedule the preparations for bedtime so dad has time to be with the children. They can have a tickle match, read from a book, and maybe he can even see that the family prays together, or if it works out, he can pray with each child during the end of the day tucking-in time.
And the same goes for the morning routine. If possible, adjust the schedule so the family can have devotions together. Your commitment to preparing and working ahead of schedule, getting the family up and to the table, having breakfast set out along with a Bible and whatever material you are using for devotions, can make this dream of a family devotional time come true! You know your family’s unique schedule. For many, dad leaves for work at 0-dark-thirty and cannot join the family for breakfast. So pray and figure out what would work for you and yours. And when your husband can’t be there, you and the kids can pray for dad’s day, and you can fill his shoes at devotional time until he’s back.
4. Support your husband in his role as father—Just as I am to honor and submit to my heavenly Father, I am also commanded to honor and submit to my husband. Take every opportunity to let your children see you helping, following, respecting, and loving your husband. Demonstrate to your children how they are to do the same with their father. In fact, expect and require them to “honor” their father (Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 6:2).
Praying for our husbands always comes back to ourselves, doesn’t it? We cannot pray for our husbands to possess any character quality or exhibit any kind of godly behavior that we are not displaying ourselves. And so we pray! Pray for yourself, my dear sister in Christ. Then pour out those prayers for your husband and his role as a father.
An Extra Prayer to Pray from the Heart of Paul
Ephesians 6:4
Help __________ to train and teach his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Enable him to do this without provoking them to anger.