Praying for Your Husband’s Job
Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
COLOSSIANS 3:17
I love those ads on television in which you see a couple walking along a sandy beach. Their pant legs are rolled up, they are holding hands, and they look happy. We all dream of exotic vacations on a Caribbean cruise or lounging around a shimmering pool at a really, really nice hotel. (And don’t forget in that dream to include the full treatment at the spa!)
Well, to carry this daydream a little further, there may have also been a fantasy that marriage would somehow include lots of vacations and plenty of time for leisure. You and your husband would also have plenty of money and lots of time to travel the world and enjoy all sorts of unique experiences.
So, how is your fantasy working out? If you are like most couples, real life is not quite how you pictured it in your mind. Instead of walking on the beach, you and your husband are pounding the streets of your city on your way to work as a salesman, a nurse, a teacher, a warehouse or factory manager, or hurrying to assemble on the parade ground of a military base.
What happened? Kids, rent, braces, schools, college, the list of financial expenses goes on and on and on. Your husband and probably you too are working to just keep your heads above water. Even if you are a stay-at-home mom, you are one busy lady! So no matter what your circumstances, you both have a “job”! He works, but you work too as you manage a bustling household and teeming brood of kids! But, no matter what your particular scenario is, isn’t this the way God intended it to be?
Dispelling the Rumor
Rumor has it that work is a consequence of the fall of man—that if Adam and Eve had not eaten that apple, we wouldn’t have to work today! But in reality, work existed before the Fall. Long before that first bite of fruit, we witness God at work in the creation of the universe.
In Genesis 1:1, we meet God punching the time clock, so to speak, as a worker: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” Finally, when the work was completed on the seventh day, God “rested from all His work which [He] had created and made” (Genesis 2:3). Then after Adam and Eve were created, God told them to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:28). That sounds like work to me!
So throughout the Bible, beginning with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, work is seen as a normal and natural part of life. The Old Testament book of Proverbs often contrasts work and those who labor with those who don’t or won’t work and the consequence of their lack of diligence. For instance:
In all labor there is profit,
but idle chatter leads only to poverty (Proverbs 14:23).
Do you see a man who excels in his work?
he will stand before kings;
he will not stand before unknown men (22:29)
And let’s not forget the woman of Proverbs 31:10-31. Don’t tell me this stay-at-home mom didn’t work! Here’s a sample of this “excellent” wife’s activities:
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
she brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
and provides food for her household,
and a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
from her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
and strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
and her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
and her hand holds the spindle…
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple…
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies sashes for the merchants…
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness…
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her own works praise her in the gates.
My fellow working friend, it’s obvious God created us, both men and women, to be workers. He knows that our physical and mental makeup thrives on work.
The Tale of Two Husbands
As we come to this next verse to pray for your husband, you will be faced with one of two possible directions for your prayers. The two possibilities are Husband #1 and Husband #2. The profiles that follow are deliberately extreme in order to cover the variety of attitudes a man may have toward his work and his job.
Husband #1 loves his job. He is good at it. He is constantly improving in his abilities while at work. His job requires tremendous responsibility, and therefore, he takes his work seriously. You might be thinking, So what’s the problem? I could only wish my husband was more like this guy—this Husband #1!
Well, as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. Husband #1 shows many signs that he could become a workaholic. He leaves super early for the job and comes home late. He brings his work home and stays up working on this project or preparing that report. When he is with you and the kids, he is only half there, if that much. Even while you are supposed to be enjoying your family vacation, he’s talking multiple times daily with people at the office or with a client. And never mind how many emails and text messages are flying back and forth!
Husband #2, however, does not love his job. In fact, he may even hate it! Maybe he started out liking his work, but somewhere along the way, something happened. His favorite boss retired. Or he reached a dead-end in advancement, or was demoted to a lesser job. Because he is dissatisfied with his job, the family feels the effects of his discontent. Every day is a “bad day at the office,” so he comes home, kicks the dog, yells at you, and ignores the children. He becomes withdrawn and spends his time staring at the television. Your happy-go-lucky groom is now angry, depressed, discouraged, and discontent—and he lets you know it.
As I said, I am exaggerating a bit about these two extreme portraits of men on the job. But from my years of ministry to women, I don’t think I’m too far off in my portrayals. If you are the wife of either Husband #1 or #2, you know what a challenge you are facing. Obviously, as we have established, you as a wife are called to help your husband (Genesis 2:18)—and to pray for him. You are to pray for your husband and his job, and how it is affecting him. Both Husband #1 and #2 are responding negatively to aspects of their job. How can you help without coming right out and confronting your husband? Before you resort to a scene, start by praying for balance. Our prayer verse is coming right up, so hold on!
Praying for Balance
God wants your husband to be a strong spiritual model and leader for his family as well as a provider. Many husbands fixate on the “providing” part of their husbandly duties and become consumed by their jobs, either as a workaholic or as a man trapped in a job he dislikes but knows he needs in order to care for his family.
Yes, God wants a husband to provide for his family, proclaim his faith, love his family, and pursue his job as a calling from the Lord. But a balance can be reached where your husband doesn’t detest his job so much that it affects his relationships at home and his health.
How is all of this possible? And how can balance be attained? There is a natural tension in your husband’s life when it comes to his work. He understands that God expects him to provide for his family. He has probably read or heard and understands the implications of the verse that says, “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
I’m sure you can imagine the daily pressure God’s mandate places on your husband. Whether you work or not, or whether you contribute in other ways to your family’s financial condition, you can ask God daily to act in your husband’s heart so he finds balance, peace, joy, fulfilment, and success in his profession. And so you pray!
A Prayer to Pray
Here’s an all-encompassing verse to pray for your spouse as an employee and the provider for your family. Be sure to look at the verse in your Bible or on the first page of this chapter. As with each prayer in this book, insert your husband’s name in the blanks as you pray. Lift your heart and your words—and your husband!—up to Your Father who is in heaven.
Colossians 3:17
Dear Lord, whatever ______________ does today in word or deed, I pray that he does it with You in mind and in the name of the Lord Jesus. Guide __________ to live as Your representative, Lord, bringing glory and honor to You by the way he conducts himself. I thank and praise You for __________ and pray that both __________ and I will constantly give thanks to God the Father through Jesus.
This is a perfect prayer to pray for your husband because your request to God is based on a verse straight out of the Bible. Be sure you notice a few special elements within this prayer.
The all-embracing nature of your prayer—“Whatever you do in word or deed, do all…” In these few words, the apostle Paul gives one of the most all-embracing statements in the New Testament. Here we learn what is to govern your husband’s Christian life, and yours too. “Whatever” your husband does points to the extent of your prayers and concerns for your man. And here’s more good news: The word “whatever” gives you the opportunity to insert whatever you want or whatever is pressing your heart to pray. Whatever might be a big meeting your husband is attending or leading. Or it might include a long business trip or deployment. Whatever your “whatever” is, you’ve got him covered.
Your prayer continues with “in word or deed.” This spans your husband’s speech and his every activity.
But there’s more. For even further emphasis, Paul adds “do all.” “Do all” doesn’t mean this is a generic “shotgun” prayer like “God, bless my husband today.” It’s a prayer that allows you to include specifics in your husband’s day, like a meeting with the boss. It’s more like a “blanket-covering prayer” for whatever may happen in your husband’s work day.
The desire of your prayer—Pray that your husband will “do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” Your request is that he will judge and choose his speech and conduct according to God’s Bureau of Standards, according to God’s standards for appraising his actions—which is “the name of the Lord Jesus.”
What does this mean? You are praying that your husband’s words and actions will be done in a way that establishes him as a true representative and follower of Jesus Christ. You are praying that his actions will be according to God’s will. You are praying that your husband will do everything “to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).
The hope of your prayer—“… giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Your prayer concludes with asking God to give your husband a thankful heart in spite of the circumstances of his job. At work there will be pressure and disappointment and great expectations from his employer. There will be long hours and surprise challenges. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, some days his job may lack challenge or he may be asked to do something that makes no sense. Your prayer is that regardless of what he faces, your husband will remember to thank God that he has a job that enables him to provide for his family—that he is doing God’s will by working, which always glorifies and pleases God.
And this is a great reminder for you too. Giving thanks to God the Father through the Lord Jesus is as important for you to remember for yourself as it is for your husband. Life doesn’t always go your way. You may be the wife of a man described by Husband #1 or Husband #2. But that never excuses you from your need to be thankful for your blessings.
Beyond Prayer, What Can You Do?
Understand your husband’s mandate. God ordained that men are to work and provide for their families. This is seen in the Bible as early as Genesis. Historically, the husband has usually been the breadwinner. But times have changed. When I wrote my first book, Loving God with All Your Mind,1 the majority of women in this country were stay-at-home wives and mothers. Today the majority of married women are now a part of the workforce. Some wives work out of their homes, but many leave home at some time each day for a job.
This change in statistics and lifestyle has certainly taken some pressure off of husbands to be the sole provider. But work is still a part of God’s plan for husbands. It’s something they must do. Be sure you willfully and regularly support and encourage your husband in his job.
Talk with your husband about his job. It’s amazing what you can learn when you have an honest discussion about your husband’s job. These times are not meant to be a lemon squeeze or a gripe session. Just ask your husband how he spends the bulk of his time at work. What does he do hour by hour? What kinds of crises occur? What projects is he working on? What does he like most about his job, and what are his challenges?
If your husband is unhappy with his job, you have another issue: What can you do to help him turn his attitude around? Obviously, getting him to memorize Colossians 3:17 would help influence his attitude in a positive way.
Your husband may even be thinking about changing jobs. If he feels trapped financially, what can you do to help out? One thing you can do is talk about possible solutions on the home front. For instance, you might consider selling a car, or taking the kids out of their private school. Talk about ideas for easing up your financial burdens so your husband can change jobs and still provide for the needs of your family. Do whatever you can to show your support.
Throughout your married life, there will be many changes in your husband’s job situation and in your family’s financial status. And when you are armed with real information from your talks with him, you will know exactly how to pray each day.
Seek opportunities to talk. I’m sure I’m repeating myself, but communication is the key to marriage. Your husband’s job is obviously an important part of his life and your marriage. So work out ways the two of you can get away even for an hour or two to talk. Often Jim and I would get a babysitter and walk across the street to a place that served free Coke refills. And you guessed it! We ordered two Cokes and talked to our hearts’ content. Another couple we know picked Wednesday evenings as “baked potato night” and went to a fast-food restaurant that had a baked potato bar. In their case and ours, the price was next to nothing. But that was okay because, after all, the time wasn’t about the food—it was about communication and growth as a couple. These dates gave us time to talk without distractions on a no-frills budget!
Ask what you can pray for. I always asked Jim, “What’s happening at work today?” As he shared, I would take mental notes for prayer. If he had a presentation at 10:00, I set a timer to pray at 10:00. If he had a meeting at 2:00, that went on my prayer schedule for the day. Later that evening I could ask, “How did your meeting go?” I even went through years when I prayed for Jim every hour on the hour, setting my watch to alert me every 60 minutes. As I said in another chapter, as wives we not only pray, but we pray, pray, pray!
Provide lots of praise! With the high stress level of your husband’s job and his role as provider, it’s music to his ears when you let him know how much you appreciate him and his efforts to take care of you and the family. Pray that the demands of his job don’t affect his spiritual life, or his physical health, or the health of the family. Pray that you will be his number one encourager and a rock of support for him. And pray each day that your lips will leak praise to your husband.
Be a neutral sounding board. I personally don’t know a single man who has remained in one job for all of his working years. So you can count on it—the day will come when your husband entertains a job change. You need to be his positive sounding board, his closest friend and confidant. Try to be neutral and help him think through the options. He may need to change locations for his profession. He may need to go back to school and change professions.
This is a special time for you to approach God as a prayer warrior on behalf of your husband and family. When your foundation gets shaken, it’s easy to fall apart. This is when you remember to turn to God—every time you worry, every time you are anxious, every time you get that panicky feeling that your world is falling apart. If you and I feel like this, imagine how your husband is feeling with such a major burden on his shoulders. And so you pray.
I know a L-O-T about hard times and life changes. Jim and I married in college and completed our educations without financial support from our parents. It’s not that they didn’t want to help out—they simply didn’t have the money to help us.
When I met Jim on campus, we both had part-time jobs that we kept until graduation. And since then, we have known only a very few years when we didn’t both work in some way to take care of our daughters and living expenses. I worked away from home until we had children. Then I worked at home doing transcription, bookkeeping, and other office-type work. Believe me, we saw our lives turned upside down almost every other year as Jim was transferred every 18 months for his job. He was even activated into military service during Operation Desert Storm and the Bosnian crisis.
But I learned the most about supporting my husband’s job during ten very lean years. That decade began when Jim resigned from his job as a pharmaceutical salesman to enter seminary to prepare for the ministry. As you can imagine, those were some tough years. And our daughters remember those years too. One day my Katherine, a newlywed at that time, called and asked, “Mom, do you have any of those recipes you used to fix when we were on hard times?”
I think a lot about those challenging years. Well, one morning I was wondering how I made it through those trying times. Actually, it was a trying decade! So I looked through my prayer notebook, located those years, and read through my prayer lists. And there I discovered my prayer requests for my Jim, who had four—yes, four—part-time jobs so I could stay at home with our two preschoolers. Instead of being bitter and dwelling on the plenty we had enjoyed in the past, we had adjusted. Jim took on extra work, and I did everything I could do to keep spending to a minimum.
And… I prayed. I prayed like crazy. I felt like the man who shared the following experience, which I believe is the way God wants us to live: “In a single day I have prayed as many as a hundred times, and in the night almost as often.”2
May our Lord richly bless you and yours, my sweet friend, as you reach out to Him with your heart and your needs. May He shower you with His grace and favor as you pray and support and love your husband!
A Word About Prayer from the Heart of Paul
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
My Prayer for My Husband 