Praying for Your Husband as He Makes Decisions
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
JAMES 1:5
With shaking hands and a pained heart, I hit the end icon on my cell phone and concluded a life-shattering and life-changing call. The shock was too new for me to register its far-reaching and forever implications. One of my three brothers had just given me the news that our dad, at age 95, had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and would need nursing care for the final days of his life. Our mother was already in another nursing home in the same town with Alzheimer’s disease. Our dad had tried to care for her, but she kept wandering off at all hours of the day and night and had no clue who my father and her husband was or who my brothers and I were.
Now we were learning that our father too needed care. My brothers had all talked and agreed that they could take turns sitting with our dad on the weekends, and maybe “Sister” (that’s me!) who didn’t have a regular job, could be there during the week until one of them showed up for the weekend vigil. My father’s mind was still sharp and none of us wanted him to be alone during his last days. The only issue with their decisions was that I was in California and our dad was in Oklahoma!
Everyone Must Make Decisions
Life requires that you make decisions. And obviously there are a variety of levels of decisions to be made. Some decisions are simple, like which breakfast cereal you will eat for breakfast. Other decisions are a little more complex, like which mobile phone or computer to buy. Still other decisions are even more serious, such as buying a car or a house. Then there are the decisions about whether to homeschool your children or not, whether to change churches or not, whether to undergo chemotherapy or not, or something that is addressed in this book—whether you will submit to your husband or not.
Each and every decision you make, regardless of its level of intensity, can have long-lasting consequences. If you had to make any of these serious decisions on your own, it could create a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety.
But, praise God, He hasn’t left you without help! He has given you His Word to show you the way as a lamp to your feet and a light to your path (Psalm 119:105). He has also given you spiritually mature Christians in your church who can help provide guidance. And if you are blessed with seasoned Christian family members, you have a built-in treasure-house of wisdom and love!
I’m assuming because you are reading a book on praying for your husband that you are a wife. If so, then God has also given you a husband to help you make decisions.
And, by the way, when I was faced with determining whether or not I could leave home to be with my dad every Monday through Friday, I went immediately to Jim so we could talk, pray, and weigh the situation. Amazingly, while I wavered back and forth about being away from Jim, about the money for air travel, and what to do about my commitments, Jim was firm and fully convinced that this was something I needed to do. He said, “Elizabeth, this is a way for you to live out God’s admonition to honor your father and mother. You will never regret the time you spend with your parents. Our girls are both married, so you don’t need to stay home for them. And I support you in this and will go with you as often as I can get away from work.”
Little did we know my father would live—and suffer—for a year. But, as Jim had pointed out in our decision-making process, I have no regrets. And I was able to get on a plane every Monday morning, knowing, knowing I had my husband’s 100 percent support.
Trusting Your Husband
When you as a wife take your concerns and issues, problems and opportunities to your husband in your decision-making process, you have help, a partner. You have the person who means the most to you and who loves you more than any other person on earth giving his input. Once you have entrusted your husband with helping and guiding you through the process and making the final decision, a great burden will be lifted off your shoulders. You will have peace in your heart and mind with whatever decision the two of you made together.
I know from my mail and interactions with women around the world that many Christian wives don’t trust their husbands or their ability to help make wise decisions. A Christian wife with any spiritual maturity knows what the Bible says about their husband’s position as the leader in the home, the marriage, and the family. She also knows that God wants her to submit to her husband’s leadership. But for whatever reason, some wives are not sure they can trust their husband’s ability to give good, sound advice about any number of decisions she needs to make.
Are you one of these women? Are you a bit hesitant about asking your husband’s advice? Are you afraid of what he will say because he is not a Christian—or not a very mature one? Well, by now you know the solution to your hesitancy—and that is prayer. And this next verse will have special meaning for you as you pray for your husband’s wisdom in decision-making.
My Prayer for My Husband 
James 1:5
Father of all wisdom, I pray that __________ will seek Your wisdom that comes from Your Word so he will make decisions that honor You and bless his family. And Lord, I pray that before __________ makes any decision, he will ask You what he should do. May __________ realize that You are always there for him, ready to supply him with wisdom for every decision he will ever need to make.
This advice and promise from James 1:5 has been helping Christians for centuries! And it can help you and your husband too. The book of James was written to Christians who were scattered because of persecution. James wanted to encourage them in their struggles as they faced trials even as they were reading his letter! He told them how to deal with their trials. And here’s some good news—the principles for making any decision are the same, whether it’s about how to respond to trials, or about what choice to make in a trying situation.
What can you learn from James 1:5, and how can you use it to pray for your husband?
Pray for your husband to take decision-making seriously—“If any of you lacks wisdom…” Making a right choice should be the top priority when it’s time for a decision to be made. The Bible has a special name for a person who thinks he doesn’t need help in making decisions: “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” (Proverbs 12:15).
Asking for and receiving help from God increases the chances you and your husband will make a wise decision. So the first step in praying for your husband is to pray that he understands his need for wisdom and takes it seriously. And while you are praying for him, pray for yourself as well. Pray for wisdom on your part too. You will need wisdom to give your input in a gracious way. Or wisdom to ask questions in a nonthreatening way and with the respect God wants you to exhibit at all times (see Ephesians 5:33). Or wisdom to ask questions about the issue at hand. Or for patience to watch and pray as your man grapples with a solution.
Are you wondering what you can do while you are praying and waiting? Well, it took me some time—and a bushel of failures—but at last I learned a few things to do and not do. Here’s a little of what I learned (and please notice the little word we!).
— Ask nonthreatening questions to gather information and find out what your husband is thinking—questions like “When would we/you do this?” “When would this happen?” “Do we have the money for this?” “How would we pay for this?”
— Ask questions that point to God’s Word. “How can we find out what the Bible says about this?” “Who do we know that can tell us what the Bible says about this?”
— Ask questions that encourage your husband to talk with others about the decision to be made. “Do you know any men you could run this by?” “Are there any men at the church you could run this decision by?”
In time, Jim and I have learned to wait, pray, talk to each other, and talk to others who can give wise advice. You’ll see a few other principles we’ve come up with—and, once again, learned to use after some bad experiences—later in this chapter. But a really big principle is this: When in doubt, don’t.
Pray for your husband to respond to God, the ultimate source of help—“… let him ask of God.” Your husband probably senses the need for insight specifically on how to make decisions. However, he may be looking to the wrong people for counsel. And the Bible has something to say about this: “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20).
Obviously, asking help from God is the channel for finding help. As Jesus instructed His followers, the one who asks receives, who seeks finds, who knocks is blessed (Matthew 7:7-8). Read it for yourself:
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
Could it be simpler? Whatever the need, whatever the decision, pray and ask God. Appeal to Him to meet your real needs and give you wisdom and supply what is needed.
How will your husband know what advice God has for him? Part of your continuing prayers for your husband is that he will grow in his knowledge of God’s Word. Pray too that he will be involved with the men at your church. As your husband relies on both the collective maturity of others and the instructions he gleans from Scripture, he will increase his chances of making strong, sound decisions.
Pray for your husband to count on God’s desire and ability to supply all your needs—“who gives to all liberally.” God is the go-to person when you and your husband need help. He is the provider of all wisdom and discernment. And God never tires of hearing your prayers. He never tires of guiding you or giving to you. After all, He is the Good Shepherd. He promises that you shall not want and that He will lead you in the paths of righteousness (Psalm 23:1,3).
In fact, God gives liberally and “generously” (James 1:5 NASB). God’s fervency to give to His children in bountiful supply is illustrated in Jesus’ teaching as He continues on from Matthew 7:7-8. Note what Jesus added in verses 9-11:
What man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
Jesus assured His followers that if human fathers, being evil and sinful, give good things to their children, “how much more” will God give to His children who come to Him and ask of Him! And so, we ask… and ask… and ask some more. So pray—today, tomorrow, and every day.
If your husband isn’t praying about his decisions, then pray that he will begin to. Pray with every breath that God will move your husband to turn to Him, and will guide your husband toward those who can give wise advice. God can use your prayers to accomplish all this and lead you and your family on the right path.
Another saying that helps me is this: Two wrongs never make a right. So if your husband isn’t praying about his decisions (Wrong #1), you do not want to fail to pray (which would be Wrong #2). And so you pray, no matter what. And you keep on praying—asking, seeking, and knocking—believing God’s promise that you will receive, find, and God will open the door to your husband’s heart.
We’ve covered some ways you can talk with your husband and some questions you can ask about the decisions that he must make (or will make). Again, burn into your heart the fact that two wrongs never make a right. Your husband’s neglect or failure to try to make wise decisions regarding you and your family is Wrong #1. But if you blow up, lose it, scream, yell, have a fit, and belittle or berate your husband, that is definitely Wrong #2.
Your goal in your interactions with your husband comes from God’s Word: You are to “walk in the Spirit” so you produce the fruit of love, patience, kindness, and self-control (Galatians 5:16,22-23).
And here’s another goal: Follow in the steps of God’s ideal woman and wife as pictured in the Proverbs 31 woman: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (verse 26).
It’s sobering to think that our prayers are hindered when we fail to walk in the Spirit and instead, we choose to sin. God’s fervency to give the wisdom your husband needs is related to the fervency of your prayers for your husband. To repeat, as James wrote, “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous [wife] avails much” (James 5:16).
Pray for your husband to count on God’s help—“… without reproach.” In answer to your or your husband’s prayers, God gives to you “without reproach” or “without finding fault” (NIV). As many times as you and your husband want to ask God for wisdom, you will never find God tapping His divine finger and saying, “You again! What did you do with the wisdom I gave you last time? When will you ever learn? When are you going to get it? What’s wrong with you?”
God isn’t going to give you or your husband a rap across the knuckles for daring to ask Him for wisdom to make good decisions. Your heavenly Father is not stingy. Nor does He belittle you for imposing on His goodness. And, as we’ve noticed, this verse from James 1:5 is God’s admonition that you do just that! You have His full support for your prayers for wisdom.
James essentially said the same thing in James 1:5. Let’s review it, and note especially the final line:
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
Here, James gives further affirmation of God’s support. He encourages prayer, assuring us that when wisdom is needed and you or your husband pray, “it will be given to him.”
Yet even with all these assurances that God’s wisdom is indeed available to us, we still make plenty of blunders in our decision making. See for yourself how even great men of the Bible made a few bad decisions. You may even want to take notes!
Famous Decision-Making Blunders from the Bible
Can you imagine your husband waking up tomorrow morning, stretching, and saying, “Let’s see… how many wrong decisions can I make today?” Or, “How many choices can I make today that will do harm to me or my wife and family?” Or, “How many decisions can I make today that will dishonor God and be a personal affront to His holiness?”
And yet, in many cases, that’s essentially what happens when your husband (and don’t forget yourself!) doesn’t take his decision making seriously, or he makes decisions without even thinking or asking advice of anyone. And especially when he doesn’t take his options to God through prayer and searching His Word.
The Bible shows us many examples of men who made poor decisions. Do you think God is trying to tell husbands something? As you look at the consequences of these bad decisions, may you find yourself strengthened in your resolve to pray for your husband.
Abraham. This “father of the Jewish nation” asked his wife, Sarah, to lie about their marital status. Why? He was afraid. In fear, he asked Sarah, “Please say you are my sister, that it may be well with me for your sake, and that I may live because of you” (Genesis 12:13). A great tragedy was averted as God intervened to keep the men of Egypt away from Sarah.
Lot. Abraham’s nephew, Lot, was asked to choose between the grassy land of the Jordan valley and the drier hill country to pasture his cattle. The commonsense choice was obvious—pick the well-watered valley, right? Wrong! That valley and its wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah ultimately corrupted Lot’s family. In the end, Lot’s decision made from greed caused him to lose all his possessions, his wife, and the respect and morality of his two daughters. These consequences added up to a sky-high price paid for one wrong decision (see Genesis 13:10-13; 19).
Moses. God’s chosen leader, Moses, made several blunders in decision making. The first came while he was still a prince in Egypt. It was made out of pride. Moses, thinking God wanted him to be the leader of the Jewish people, took matters into his own hands and killed an Egyptian (Exodus 2:11-15). True, eventually that would be God’s decision for Moses… but in God’s timing it wouldn’t happen for another 40 years!
The second blunder came while Moses was leading two million thirsty people through the desert during a 40-year trek. He was commanded by God to “speak to the rock before their eyes, and it will yield its water; thus you shall bring water for them out of the rock” (Numbers 20:8). However, out of anger over the rebellious and complaining attitude of the people, Moses chose to strike the rock—not just once, but twice (verses 10-11). That wrong decision made in anger cost Moses the privilege of going into the Promised Land (verse 12).
David. This second king of Israel chose to commit adultery—a decision made from lust. Then when he couldn’t cover up his sin, he chose to murder the husband of Bathsheba, the woman he lusted after (2 Samuel 11).
I’m sure you are seeing the picture in full color. A single wrong decision can lead to sin and change the course of your life forever, and that is true of your husband as well. The decisions these men made were based on fear, greed, anger, and lust.
A Few Words of Advice
As Jim and I look back, we realize we learned many times the hard way that, when we didn’t pray, or consult with each other, or seek God’s wisdom, or ask for godly advice, we just about always made bad, wrong, or lesser decisions. So, speaking from personal experience, I want to give you a handful of guiding principles for making decisions. These principles have become personal slogans Jim and I use to remind ourselves to pray before we make decisions.
— No decision made without prayer (Philippians 4:6-7).
— When in doubt, don’t (Romans 14:23).
— Always ask “What does the Bible say?” (John 17:17).
— Always do what you know is right (James 4:14).
— Don’t let fear influence you (1 John 4:18).
Doing Your Part Through Prayer
Those biblical illustrations are sobering, aren’t they? We are just as capable of making the same kinds of wrong decisions as many others have made down through time. In fact, we have probably already made some really bad choices! But that doesn’t mean all is lost. You can assist your husband—and yourself!—in this area of making better decisions. How?
Pray, thanking God for His forgiveness. If you are a believer like David and all others who have sinned and made bad decisions, God’s grace is sufficient. In 1 John 1:9, God tells us exactly what to do after we fail: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” God knows you and your husband are sinners saved by His grace. He isn’t asking the two of you to be perfect, just progressing. Learn from each wrong decision, and pray for wisdom not to make the same ones again.
Pray for your husband to check his motives. It’s very insightful when you and your husband analyze what is prompting you as you make your next decision. That decision is not being made in a vacuum. There is always something that is propelling you or your husband to want to do what you want to do.
Pray for your husband to seek wisdom from the Bible. Once again, pray for your husband to get into the habit of asking, “What does the Bible say about this decision we must make or are about to make?” Pray that he embraces the Bible as his standard for his decisions.
Pray for your husband to find some wise mentors and counselors. Wisdom is contagious. If your husband spends time with mature Christian men, he will be exposed to their good examples. He will be set with a corps of counselors who can help him—“for by wise counsel you will wage your own war, and in a multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 24:6).
Pray for your husband to develop patience. I don’t know about you, but when I make quick, hurried, or forced decisions, they usually turn out to be bad ones. This is where prayer comes to your and your husband’s rescue. How? Prayer makes you wait. It slows you down. It puts on the brakes. Patience in prayer also allows time for truths and options to surface as you move toward a decision. Prayer acknowledges your dependence on God and reminds you of His power and provision, along with His willingness to provide the wisdom you need. Prayer reveals motives as God searches your heart. Prayer will reveal if you or your husband are making a decision based on worldliness, peer pressure, fear, greed, or laziness.
A Prayer to Pray from the Heart of Paul
Ephesians 1:15-17
I… do not cease to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers: that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him.