Praying for Your Husband’s Purity
You, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.
1 TIMOTHY 6:11
I can never hear, read, or think about purity without remembering a course on friendship evangelism Jim and I attended as new Christians. We were so in love with Jesus and excited about knowing God that we wanted to learn how to share the good news of Jesus with others. A key part of our training included memorizing Bible verses to share. One of those verses was about God. I can still remember it today: “You are of purer eyes than to behold evil, and cannot look on wickedness” (Habakkuk 1:13).
I have to say, from that moment onward I had a better understanding of God and His 100-percent pure nature. Our call to grow in godliness means we are to strive for this kind of purity. We too are to refuse to look upon evil and any form of wickedness. That’s a tall order in today’s sensual society.
Like it or not, temptation is all around us, and no one, male or female, is immune. Not even Eve, who was created perfect and perfectly sinless by God and placed in a world without sin, was immune.
Accountability—Don’t Leave Home Without It
Yet look at what Eve did in the Garden of Eden. Genesis chapter 3 opens with Eve alone in the garden with a stranger, a very strange stranger—a talking snake. Masterfully, this serpent tempted Eve to doubt God and His instructions and provision for her.
The age-old question is this: Where was Eve’s husband, Adam? Maybe in your own mind you are shouting along with me, “Eve, no! D-O-N-’T DO IT! Go find your husband. Something is wrong—terribly wrong!” The Bible doesn’t say anything about Adam at this point. Maybe he was off somewhere else in the garden admiring the beauty of his surroundings.
Whatever happened, the fact is Eve was alone and therefore without accountability. When temptation came, she had no one to give her a thumbs up or a frown and shake of the head. There was no one to support her or offer any words of advice or caution. She was left on her own to deal with the suggestions of the serpent—the devil (see Revelation 12:9).
And the result? Both Eve and her husband were judged and disciplined by God.
One reason I’m using Eve as an example is to point out that the lack of accountability, whether for you or your husband, can have disastrous results, as Genesis 3 graphically portrays.
Another example in which a lack of accountability got a man and woman into trouble appears in 2 Samuel 11. By this time King David had enjoyed years of immense success. This, in turn, may have weakened his acknowledgment and dependence upon God for wisdom, protection, and victory in battle.
Also, as king, David answered to no one. Like Eve, who “saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes” (Genesis 3:6), David’s eyes also betrayed him. The Bible reports, “He saw a woman bathing and the woman was very beautiful to behold” (2 Samuel 11:2). After David noticed the woman from his rooftop, instead of continuing his walk or turning away, he chose to continue watching. Because David was a king, and because the woman’s husband was gone from home, no one held either of them accountable and stopped them from making a series of really bad, life-altering decisions.
Purity Takes Two
As we think about David and Bathsheba, the woman who was bathing, we cannot point the finger of blame and say, “It was definitely David’s fault!” or, “No, it was that woman’s fault.” That’s because purity works both ways. It takes two agreeing or consenting people to commit adultery—or any other sin they agree on.
For instance, it’s easy for couples to get caught up in the excitement of whatever is happening in the world and the people around them. For some, it’s keeping up with the Joneses. These couples buy into the latest cars, houses, or exotic luxury vacations. It’s not long before they are up to their necks in debt. What’s even worse for Christian couples is when this kind of worldly behavior clouds their spiritual discernment and judgment to the point that the choices they make have grave implications on their spiritual growth and maturity. We certainly see this in the following portrait of a couple in the Bible who “agreed together” to sin (Acts 5:9).
Meet Ananias and Sapphira. In the early church, God was doing amazing things in the lives of the people. A spirit of love, unity, hospitality, and giving of goods and possessions prevailed in the hearts and minds of the early believers in the church at Jerusalem.
Many people from surrounding regions had received Christ as their Savior and become believers. With hearts filled to overflowing with joy and compassion, these new Christians used up their money leaving their homes and occupations to travel to Jerusalem, wanting to be part of what was happening there at the center of Christianity. People like the man Barnabas, who had money or property, were selling their possessions and laying their offerings before the apostles to use as needed to help the people and the church (Acts 4:36-37).
Ananias and his wife, Sapphira, decided to follow the example of others and they too sold a piece of property. But this is where their story takes a tragic turn as together, in full agreement, they “kept back part of the proceeds” (Acts 5:2). The Bible does not give all the details. Had they promised God to give the whole amount, but later changed their minds and kept back part of the offering, while telling everyone it was the full amount? We don’t know.
But we do know that the apostle Peter discerned their deception and described the ramifications of their sin. They had committed two offenses: First, they both had lied to God, the Holy Spirit, which was bad enough. And second, they lied publicly, which revealed their spiritual hypocrisy. This husband-and-wife team wanted others to see how “godly and wonderfully generous they were” because of the sacrificial nature of their gift, when, in fact, they kept a part of the offering for themselves.
You can read the full account of this sinful couple in Acts 5:1-11. I warn you now: It is an extremely sobering story that delivers a serious lesson to individuals about greed and lying, and to couples about agreeing to sin together.
God has given you your partner in marriage for, among other purposes, being a sounding board. The two of you should be a stronger, purer, greater force for doing what’s right than either of you by yourselves would be. The two of you “have each other’s back,” and can hold each other accountable when something seems to be going in a wrong direction. As a couple, you should have a multiplying effect for good. You should bring out the best in each other, spurring you both in your growth as a couple after God’s own heart.
The Bible’s account relays that both Ananias and Sapphira were in agreement about their deception. Together, they had hatched up this clever little scheme. One or both of them had to know that what they were planning wasn’t right. Surely one of them could have said something like, “No, I can’t go along with this. This is wrong, and I don’t want anything to do with it.” Their story could have had a completely different ending—a good and honest ending.
Instead of being a dynamic for good, Ananias and Sapphira’s deceit was such a strong threat to the infant church that God Himself took the ultimate action against them and killed them both.
In a marriage relationship, it is far too easy for us to bring out the worst in each other rather than the best. Don’t let that be true of you as a wife. Commit yourself fully to doing as the Proverbs 31 woman did:
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
so he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:11-12).
And so we pray! As we now address praying for purity for our husbands, I want you to latch on to this preliminary verse to pray for you and your man. We’ll get to our key verse to pray for your husband in a minute. For now I want us to consider the teachings of Job 31:1 and Psalm 101:3. These verses contain commitments to purity that you can make for yourself and pray for your husband as well. Read the verses first. Then pray!
I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman? (Job 31:1).
I will set nothing wicked before my eyes (Psalm 101:3).
My Prayer for Us as a Couple 
Job 31:1 and Psalm 101:3
Holy God, I pray personally to make “a covenant with my eyes.” I pray this also for my husband—that, with Your help and by Your grace, together we would avoid anything that could threaten our purity. I pray that __________ and I “will set nothing wicked before [our] eyes.” Help us please, dear Lord!
Now, as we dive into the heart of this chapter on purity, I’m thinking you will agree with me on this point as we pray for our husbands. There are many titles given in the Bible for special men who served God and contributed mightily to the well-being of those around them. But the one title I want to be true and real for my husband is that he would be a “man of God.” This title is found in 1 Timothy 6:11, and that’s the kind of man I’m praying for my partner in life to be. You can pray the same for your husband. As you pray the prayer below, insert your husband’s name in the blanks.
My Prayer for My Husband
1 Timothy 6:9,11
Gracious Father, I lift my husband before You and pray that __________ would be a man of God, that__________ would flee foolish and harmful lusts—those things that would tempt him to sin. I pray that instead, he would pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and gentleness.
The term man of God identifies such a man as God’s personal possession. This title was given to Timothy, one of the apostle Paul’s most trusted disciples. Paul had been working with Timothy for 15 years by the time the letter of 1 Timothy was written. The fact Paul gave this title to Timothy makes it clear that Paul held him in high regard for his spiritual strength, maturity, and purity. But that didn’t keep Paul from wanting to give Timothy further instruction.
This should be your mind-set as well. You might have the greatest, most mature Christian husband on the planet. If so, praise God to the heavens—and keep on praying. Don’t let his present walk with the Lord and victories over sin and against temptation keep you from continuing to pray for his purity. In fact, the more godly your husband is, the greater the need is for you to be praying for him. Satan would love nothing better than to topple a “man of God.”
Other men in the Bible are also called a “man of God.” As a man of God, your husband would be in the company of men like…
Moses—The phrase “man of God” first appears in Deuteronomy 33:1 to describe Moses, the great deliverer of God’s people.
Samuel—The first of the prophets and also a judge in Israel, Samuel was given this title “man of God” in 1 Samuel 9:6.
Elijah and Elisha—These two were among the greatest prophets in the Old Testament, and were called men of God (1 Kings 17:18 and 2 Kings 4:7).
David—God used the title “a man after My own heart” to refer to David in Acts 13:22. Even with all his faults, David was referred to as “the man of God” in Nehemiah 12:24.
All of these Old Testament uses of “man of God” point to individual men who represented God by proclaiming His Word and upholding His truths even in the face of opposition or persecution. When you pray for your husband to be this kind of man, you are asking God to strengthen and fortify him to stand in the tradition of godly Old and New Testament men. Go ahead and ask this for your man! Ask it fervently and constantly every single day.
As you pray for your husband to be a man of God, keep these two requests at the top of your list:
Pray about the things your husband should avoid and flee from. Begin by praying for your husband to flee from harmful and sinful situations. You are praying for him to flee from things like false teaching, greed, a love of money, and foolish and harmful lusts (see 1 Timothy 6:3-10). Paul wanted Timothy’s character to stand in sharp contrast with that of the false teachers. False teachers were greedy and worldly. God’s man, however, is to be righteous and heavenly minded.
Like Timothy, your husband needs to realize there are certain things he absolutely must avoid at all costs. As the saying goes, he is not to see how close he can get to the edge of sinning without falling. No, he is to see how far away he can get from sin. God’s man is to flee—to run in the opposite direction!—from sexual sin and idolatry (1 Corinthians 6:18 and 10:14).
If you are looking to fine-tune your prayers, here are a few more requests you can ask of the Father. Your goal is to pray that your life-mate will determine that anything that could replace God’s rightful and high and exalted place in his heart is out. The list of these “idols of the heart” includes the love of money, selfish pride, the desire for worldly possessions, and even hobbies. Such a prayer list encompasses anything that would deflect your husband’s focus on loving and obeying God and His commands found in the Bible.
Pray for the things your husband should seek and follow after. As fast as your husband is to flee and run away from those things that would corrupt him, he is to run full-out toward spiritual purity. Fleeing sin is half the battle, but he must equally continue to actively pursue holy living.
Think of it this way: It’s like your husband is in a race toward the goal of holiness. If he stops, that which is behind him—sin—will catch him and he will miss the goal. And just to be clear, Paul lists six virtues in 2 Timothy 2:22 that every man, including your husband and mine, must pursue to merit the privileged title “man of God.” Here we go, dear wife—this is your prayer list for your husband!
Righteousness—This has to do with external or outward behavior. This means your husband does what is right in his dealings with people and in his relationship with God. As God’s man, he is known for doing what is right because his lifestyle is a reflection of his obedience to God’s commands. Pray that your husband does not settle for a life of compromise.
Godliness—Just as righteousness concerns outward behavior, godliness is all about your husband’s heart and his attitudes and motives. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). Right behavior flows from a right heart, which means right motives. Proverbs 4:23 has this advice: “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”
Faith—This means trusting in God for everything. God’s man has complete confidence in God’s might, mandate, plan, provision, promises, and purposes. Pray for your husband, your man of God, to trust God to keep and fulfill His Word. This trust will motivate your husband to fulfill whatever the Bible asks of him as a provider, husband, and father.
Love—God’s kind of love is unconditional love. This kind of love is bottomless, unrestrained, and embraces love for God, his family, other believers, and the lost. God’s man understands the significance of His Lord’s instructions in Matthew 22:37-39—love God and love your neighbor.
Patience—This can also be translated “perseverance” (NASB). This refers to being able to endure and bear up under difficult circumstances, even for a very long time, without losing your temper and becoming impatient, agitated, angry, or vengeful. What a great quality to be praying for in your husband—and yourself. For him to possess this quality will bless you as his wife, and his children. How marvelous! And, of course, patience in you will do the same and bless your spouse and children.
Gentleness—This means kindness or meekness. In the original Greek text of the New Testament, this is the only place this term appears. What wife wouldn’t want this quality in her husband? Even though you are praying for your man to be strong, decisive, godly, wise, and a leader, you are also praying that his life and roles are marked by Christlike humility. He follows his Savior’s appeal to “take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29).
Beyond Prayer, What Can You Do?
Understand how temptation works. We watched in horror what happened to Eve in the Garden of Eden and to King David on his rooftop. In both cases, the eyes were involved in the temptation and the sin that resulted.
When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes… she took of its fruit and ate (Genesis 3:6).
David… saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. So David sent and inquired about the woman… sent messengers, and took her… and he lay with her (2 Samuel 11:2-4).
First, be sure you understand that temptation is not the same as sin. Jesus was tempted for 40 days in the wilderness, but He never sinned. He never succumbed or gave in to the temptations. We, however, will sometimes give in to sin before we are even tempted all of 40 seconds!
Read 1 John 2:16 below to learn how the process of temptation lures us—and our husbands—into sinning.
For all that is in the world—
the lust of the flesh,
the lust of the eyes, and
the pride of life—
is not of the Father but is of the world
(1 John 2:16).
As you can see, temptation comes from three sources:
— from lust of the flesh and its inherent nature to be involved in evil things. This was David’s problem.
— from the lust of the eyes, which deceives us by making what is evil look good. This was Eve’s problem.
— from a pride that produces haughtiness or an overly inflated opinion of yourself. This was Ananias and Sapphira’s problem.
Both you and your husband are bombarded by these kinds of temptations many times each day. So your prayers for purity should include sexual purity, but have a much broader scope than just sexual purity.
Understand men and women are different, especially regarding sex. I know sex is only one area of temptation, but infidelity is on the “top five” of most lists of reasons for divorce created by both lawyers and counselors. So obviously, sex with each other is important! I know this is nothing new, but wives with their busy schedules of juggling jobs, kids, and the home sometimes forget they are ignoring their husbands’ sexual needs.
The apostle Paul was also concerned that couples were withholding their bodies from each other. He hinted at what might happen if this was not corrected. He counseled, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5). Make sure your husband has no reason to be looking at or thinking about other women. What Jesus said applies to you and your husband and his struggle to stay pure: “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).
Communicate openly about the kinds of temptations you both are facing. In the verse we are praying for our husbands in this chapter, the context was greed and worldly behavior. This sounds familiar, doesn’t it? It was a problem for Ananias and Sapphira, and it’s sure true for our world today.
As a wife, evaluate whether you are contributing to any problems your husband is having with temptation in any areas. If there is a problem, ask yourself and your husband what you can do to help. Analyze if an extravagant lifestyle or excessive spending on your part is forcing your husband to devise ways to make extra money. This can cause him to work more and be at home less, increasing other kinds of temptation. If he feels the need to make more money, he may actually consider some opportunities that might not be considered illegal, but could be shady or risky. Maybe you need to put the brakes on spending. Maybe as a couple you need to get some financial counseling, to find someone to help the two of you dig yourselves out of a financial mess that’s forcing your family to compromise its Christian principles.
There’s also a need to keep the lines of communication open when it comes to sexual issues and especially the frequency each of you desires sex. If there are issues, again, together seek counsel. As with all the issues you and your husband are facing and will face, if you can talk about it, you can resolve it. As I often say, “A problem defined is half solved!”
My husband Jim and I were counseled early in our Christian marriage to schedule regular getaways. As we joyfully discovered, this is one of the best ways to keep the fires of passion burning in both of you. Find a babysitter or arrange with friends to exchange babysitting responsibilities for even one night. Just a single night away from the house, the children, and the myriad of responsibilities that come with a home and family allows the two of your to refocus on each other and your marriage.
Make up quickly. Marriage is a relationship between you, your husband, and God. It’s like the three sides of a triangle. If you and your husband are angry with each other, it affects both of your relationships with God. In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are advised to be sensitive to their wife’s needs or suffer the consequence that their prayers will not be answered.
The principle of that verse works both ways. “Do not go to bed angry” is good advice for any married couple. Or, if you want it in stronger language, the Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). Be quick to initiate the reconciliation and begin to once again reap God’s blessings of a happy heart, a happy home, a really happy husband, and happy kids! Ahhhh, how sweet that will be—heaven on earth!
A Prayer to Pray from the Heart of David
Psalm 51:10 (NIV)
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.