Lord, teach us to pray…
LUKE 11:1
On any journey, like that of becoming a faithful prayer warrior for your husband, a first step must always be taken. I remember when I took my first step toward seriously learning how to pray. It was on Mother’s Day, May 8, 1983. My daughter Katherine (age 13) gave me the gift of a tiny wordless book. It was purple (Kath’s favorite color)… and I still have it because it’s a real keepsake to me. One reason it’s so special is because my precious daughter gave it to me!
Katherine came up with the idea for the gift and arranged with Jim (my husband and Kath’s dad) to do extra chores so she could earn the money to purchase something for me for Mother’s Day. Then the two of them went off together to shop for just the right present for Mom. The little treasure was then inscribed by Katherine on the bookplate in her careful handwriting, lovingly gift-wrapped, and proudly given to me on that Sunday morning so many years ago.
Oh, believe me, I screamed! I squealed! I did everything but turn cartwheels to express my thanks to my sweet daughter. But then I faced a problem—what to do with a wordless book? For several months I let the small book lie on the coffee table so my dear Katherine would know how much I truly appreciated it. Then one day, not knowing exactly what to do with it, I moved it into the bookcase… and it was gone…
… until September 12, four months later. That day was my tenth birthday in the Lord. As I sat alone before God, I looked back over my first ten years as God’s child. Of course, that led to a time of thanking Him for His mercy, His grace, His care, His guidance, His wisdom, my salvation through Christ, and so much more.
On and on my prayers of appreciation to God gushed. Then after dabbing my eyes with a tissue, I turned my thoughts forward and I prayed, “Lord, as I start a new decade with You, is there anything missing from my Christian life?”
Oh, dear friend, I can only report to you that before I put the question mark on the question, I knew in my heart what the answer was: prayer. God was calling me to pray. To make prayer a priority. To pay serious attention to prayer. To become a woman of prayer.
And just as suddenly, I knew what to do with that tiny purple wordless book. I ran to the bookcase and pulled out that little treasure. “There you are!” I cried, acknowledging that it had been waiting for four months for that very day and this very use. Thrilled, I opened it up and wrote on the very first page:
I dedicate and purpose to spend the next ten years in the Lord, Lord willing, developing a meaningful prayer life.
Why did I pick ten years for my commitment to develop a meaningful prayer life? Probably because it was my tenth birthday in Christ. Today, as I am telling this story, those ten years have come and gone. And I want to tell you right now—I am still learning how to pray!
As you probably already know, you and I won’t ever wake up one day at a point where we can mark “Learn to pray” off of our to-do list. No, no one prays enough. And no one prays as passionately as she would like to pray or should pray. And no one prays for as many people as need to be prayed for.
And so we must continue on our journey into prayer until we “get it,” until we can say that we’ve begun to know even a little bit about prayer. And until that happens, a lot of Christians pray what I call “Christopher Robin” prayers. He’s the boy in A.A. Milne’s classic book When We Were Very Young. Little Christopher Robin struggled with his evening “vespers.”1 He became so distracted by anything and everything—you name it—that he couldn’t remember who or what to pray for. So he ended up praying “God bless_______” prayers, filling in the blank with the names of family members and friends, his nanny and pets… until he got distracted all over again.
I can relate to Christopher Robin’s “prayer” experience. And maybe you can too. That’s exactly how I prayed… up until I made my commitment to answer God’s call to pray. Like Christopher Robin, my mind wandered. I didn’t know who to pray for, or how to pray for them. So my prayers basically consisted of lame efforts, until they finally wound down to a muttered “God bless me and my family today.”
Getting Organized—Taking a Step
And so I started writing out prayer requests in that little purple book. But it became apparent very quickly that I was going to run out of blank pages—they measured only 3 x 5 inches each! Can you imagine trying to fit in every area of your life, all the people you know, all the decisions you need to make, and all the commitments, goals, and resolutions for spiritual growth and change in a miniature journal?
I realized if I was going to be a faithful prayer warrior, I was going to have to do something. So I went to our bookcase and grabbed an empty three-ring binder, and then searched for some lined notebook paper. I had prayed enough days using that sweet little book to realize I wanted to pray through the areas and issues in my daily life in priority order.
Next task? To create a tab for each section of my new prayer notebook. My first tab was “God” for my relationship with Him. My next most-important priority was my husband, who received my next tab—“Jim”—and a bunch of lined pages. From that day onward, Jim received my almost-daily prayers for his upcoming day as well as anything and everything he was experiencing or would be facing in the future.
Maybe you can guess the progression of my tabs in that battered binder that would change my prayer life—and my life! “Katherine” and “Courtney” each got a tab. So did my “Home.” Next I created the tab “Self” for my prayer needs for growth and goals for improvement. And “Ministry” completed my initial setup.
Back then I didn’t have this book you are reading, but knowing now what I experienced with my Jim and his life, and as I talk to and read letters and emails from wives around the world, I urge you to set up some kind of system for prayer. It can be a notebook or a journal, a phone app or a personal file you create on your computer.
Whatever you do, try to incorporate the 15 areas of your husband’s life that are presented in this book. You can start right now—today—by deciding to make a new page for your husband as you read each chapter. Whether you want to pray all of the prayers in this book each day, or focus on just one each day, use the prayer provided there to pray for your husband.
Praying for Your Husband
Hopefully you’ve already had your husband as a key focal point of your prayers up to now. If so, your husband is a blessed man to have you as his wife! To make him your special “prayer project” for life, here are a few suggestions and even cautions to keep in mind.
Pray without expecting instant results. God is always at work. As the psalmist wrote, “He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep” (Psalm 121:3-4).
God doesn’t work according to your timetable. I’m sure you know this from firsthand experience. For instance, God has been patient with you so far, hasn’t He? And yet He has been at work in your life. You’re not where you need to be or where you’re going to be, but you also aren’t where you used to be!
Now you must apply this knowledge of God to your husband. And so you pray faithfully and forever for your husband. That’s your commitment of love. And, as you pray for your husband, don’t expect or look for any overnight miracles. Learn a lesson from Monica, the mother of Augustine, one of the early church fathers. This devout believer and devoted mother prayed for decades before God opened her son’s heart and he embraced Christ at age 31.
First Corinthians 13 tells us that “love suffers long… [and] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (verses 4 and 7). That, my praying sister-in-Christ, is to be our approach to praying for our husbands. We pray no matter what. We pray—and suffer long, patient while we bear and endure all things, always believing and never losing hope.
Don’t get discouraged in the course of your prayer journey. It’s exactly that—a journey! That means it involves time and takes time, even a lifetime. Be persistent yet patient as you pray. God’s “ears are open” to your prayers and your cries; He sees you in secret, and acts when and how He chooses (1 Peter 3:12; Matthew 6:6).
Pray, even when you don’t feel like it. When you are discouraged or frustrated with what is or isn’t happening in your marriage, pray! God knows your heart, your dreams and desires, and your sorrows. Begin your time of prayer telling your heavenly Father all about what is and isn’t happening in your marriage, your home, and your life—and your husband’s too.
But also do as the writer of Psalm 77 did. For ten verses, Asaph lamented to God about his grim situation. Then he had a “Wait a minute!” wake-up call, and acknowledged, “ ‘This is my anguish; but I will remember the years at the right hand of the Most High.’ I will remember the works of the LORD; surely I will remember Your wonders of old” (verses 10-11).
Asaph turned a corner in his thoughts and changed his thinking pattern. He resolutely stated “but I will” and then praised God and affirmed that God is, has been, and always will be faithful and good, never wrong in what He is doing.
Pray, expecting to do battle. All through the entire chapter of John 17 we see Jesus, the Son of God, in prayer to His Father in heaven. In what is often called Jesus’ high-priestly prayer, you will learn that the world is a battleground in which the forces of evil are at war with those under God’s loving authority. Satan and the evil system he has established are constantly attacking God’s people. With that in mind, Jesus prayed in John 17 for His 12 disciples, and by extension, He prayed for all His followers, including you and your husband.
What did Jesus pray for? That the Father would keep all believers for all time, including you and your husband, safe from Satan’s power and keep you set apart, holy, and pure. Hopefully your husband is praying for you, but even if he isn’t, you must embrace your role as a prayer warrior. It’s vital that you see yourself as a soldier doing battle when you pray for your beloved husband. Isn’t it encouraging to know that Jesus is in heaven also interceding on your husband’s behalf? What a team!
Pray, knowing the Holy Spirit is interceding as well. Sometimes we as wives don’t know how to pray for our husbands. If you are even a little like me, you are so close to your husband’s struggles that you are often frozen in fear or bewilderment. It is during these times of desperation that you and I can count on the Holy Spirit along with God, the Father, and Jesus, His Son. When you don’t know what to think or how to pray for your husband, you can know that the Holy Spirit knows, and is making intercession on his behalf.
Romans 8:26 says, “The Spirit… helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” We know we are in good hands because the next verse says that such intervention is always in harmony with God’s will: “He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God” (verse 27). Be encouraged as you pray that it is not only you praying, but Jesus is interceding at the right hand of the Father, and the Spirit is involved as well. The whole Trinity is joining you in prayers for your husband!
Pray, leaving the results to God. God tells His people to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). And so you do as He asks and pray! But the real comfort in praying for your husband is leaving your requests in God’s lap, so to speak. Yes, you pray. And yes, you watch and wait for results. And yes, you may pray and watch and wait for decades. But each day—and every time you experience even a hint of anxiety or frustration—you lay your concerns into God’s hands to do as He wills and when He wills. Philippians 4:6 tells you to “let your requests be made known to God.” And afterward? You experience “the peace of God” (verse 7).
Focus on Your Blessings
In one of his many psalms, David gave us some practical instruction when he wrote, “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits” (Psalm 103:2). When you are praying and storming the gates of heaven on behalf of your husband, it’s easy to focus on what you don’t have, or on what it doesn’t seem like God is doing. It’s easy to question God and start asking Him, “Why isn’t anything changing? Why aren’t You fixing this? Why aren’t You answering my prayers? What am I doing wrong?” But in the midst of all our asking, David nudges us to remember and notice all of God’s blessings, all His “benefits.”
A true confession—I love Psalm 103:2 and took seriously its exhortation to “forget not” the many ways God blesses me. So on Day One of using my little purple wordless book for prayer, I set up a page entitled “Blessings” and dove in to list all of the blessings that had occurred in my day—and it was only 10:00 a.m.
What was I thinking? Can you imagine—a single page for tracking all of God’s blessings to you as His child, especially on a 3 x 5-inch page? Within minutes that page was full, and I wasn’t even finished! Jesus’ words leapt into my mind: “How much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him” (Matthew 7:11). Oh, does He ever!
Needless to say, when I made my large loose-leaf notebook, I created an individual tab marked “Blessings” to make a record of the multitude of ways God was blessing and encouraging me. (And in no time at all, page after page became filled with evidence of God’s blessings, to the point of filling up a file folder in our file cabinet.)
Don’t forget each day—and multiple times during your day—to at least acknowledge God’s blessings. Keeping a record of His benefits makes you ultra-aware of God’s presence in your days, hours, and minutes. Then when you run up against an exceptionally down day and you are especially discouraged, maybe even depressed, pull your lists out, review them, and praise God for His past blessings. Your spirit will be revived.
Looking Forward
Prayer is truly the queen of all the habits you could desire as a woman of faith. As you make your way through this book and discover the different ways you can be praying for your husband, I want you to take this thought with you:
He who has learned how to pray has learned the greatest secret of a holy and a happy life.2
I’m sure you caught the word learned. All of your learning and efforts in prayer will help lead you to “a holy and happy life.” And the beautiful miracle is that a holy and a happy life can be yours each day… every day… as you answer God’s call to pray. So let the outpouring of your heart for your husband begin now—today! The opportunity and privilege of talking to God through prayer is yours.
As you step into deepening your prayer life and praying for your husband, you will be placing his name in 15 prayers to pray for him. But before you launch your prayer project for your husband, there’s one place I hope you will write your name. The declaration that follows was made by George Müller. This man was a persistent, relentless pray-er. Without asking a single person for help or even sharing about his needs, he prayed to God to provide daily for the many orphaned children he took in. Through fervent prayer, he was able to care for all the needs—food, clothing, health, and education—of more than 10,000 children during his lifetime.
Wouldn’t you like to have Müller’s unrelenting faith and the same kinds of answers to your prayers for your husband? You can! Especially if you develop George Müller’s degree of resolve as your pray for your husband:
I live in the spirit of prayer. I pray as I walk about, when I lie down and when I rise up. And the answers are always coming. Thousand and tens of thousands of times have my prayers been answered. When once I am persuaded that a thing is right and for the glory of God, I go on praying for it until the answer comes. George Müller never gives up!3
(Your name here) never gives up!