Toto’s Rules of Rochambelle Order
What one must do, not do, and had better know about
Suzanne Torrès wrote this shortly after the war and left the undated manuscript amongst her papers when she died. Her husband, Jacques Massu, sent it to Rosette and Philippe Peschaud. It gives an idea of the sense of humor and inside jokes that developed amongst the Rochambelles.
1. Never speak of “one’s battle.”
2. The words “mine” and “my” are unknown. Example: Say “our” toothbrush.
3. The 501st is the only tank regiment in the world.
4. The medical battalion should be mentioned only when absolutely necessary.
5. Never forget that you are not on a cruise and that you are not part of the Russian Ballet.
6. Never receive a male visitor dressed in less than a Serge Lifar [Army-issue long underwear].
7. A salute to officers, when one is without a cap, will be done in turning the head toward the officer and not in the other direction. [Regulations called for headcover when saluting an officer.]
8. The G.T.V. fights three times more than the other tactical groups. [The G.T.V. was the Group Tactique Warabiot, the unit to which the Rochambelles were attached.]
9. Never give a light vehicle to an engineering battalion.
10. Since the Third Regiment of the March of Chad began “romping” around, the Second Regiment of the March of Chad is definitely looking better. Don’t lose hope that the Second RMT will soon be attached to the G.T.V. [She used the word “barbotte,” which was a play on the commander’s name, Barboteu. Her then-boyfriend, Jacques Massu, was the Second RMT commander.]
11. The greatest danger in operations is comparative architecture.
12. Before throwing the furniture out the window, make sure none of your buddies is in the street and that there is enough flame-starter.
13. Do not marry except within the division and with those who joined before Paris.
14. Never ask, when in convoy: “When are we leaving?” Nor in cantonment, “How long are we here for?”
15. The word “Houseboat” is written with a capital ‘H.’
16. No candidacies for the Archi-pures will be accepted. The mold has been broken. [The Archi-pures were those who formed the original group in New York.]
17. Any unannounced arrival of more than two Red Berets [Spahis] should be signaled urgently to the brass so that adequate measures may be taken. [The Spahis were notable flirts.]
18. When the commanding colonel of the G.T.V. is present, avoid running into ditches.
19. The helmet is exclusively reserved for foot baths.
20. The song, “To the fields, my companions,” is in bad taste; please abstain.
21. If you sleep in the lieutenant’s bedroll, take off your shoes.
22. Do not respond to inspectors that a rear chassis needs an oil change every three days.
23. Avoid sticking out your tongue at doctors wearing lots of stripes.
24. Avoid taking General Leclerc for the subordinate of supply.
25. Don’t lose more than one clothing kit per week.
26. When leaving the group to get married, take your parasites with you.
27. When going to shower, do not fear the process of de-licing.
28. After getting the tank filled with gas by a prisoner, be sure the lieutenant doesn’t see you thanking him with a kick in the ass.
29. When you slap an American, give him a second slap to make sure he understood that you aren’t happy.
30. Raising turtles is allowed, but not in the bedroll of your partner.
31. When going out without permission, try not to go to the same restaurant as the captain.
32. When commanding the drill, avoid calling for “Heads left!” when the colonel is on the right.
33. On nights of bombings, if wearing a G-string and bra to run across the field, at least put on the double-helmet. [A reference to Zizon Sicco at Ducey.]
34. Know how to spend a few hours with the Germans without deserving to have your head shaved. [A reference to Edith Schaller at Argentan.]
35. Don’t smoke a pipe except in very small groups.
36. Don’t drink Schnapps before 8:00 in the morning.
37. In wrestling matches with the G.T.V. officers, don’t knock out more than twelve a day, in case of possible operations the next day. [A reference to Madeleine Collomb having accidentally broken a doctor’s finger while mock-wrestling with him.]
38. Avoid telling your life story to Captain Renaud. [Captain Renaud was the head mechanic, and every time a Rochambelle came in for a repair on her ambulance, he snapped, “Don’t tell me your life story!”]
39. Don’t strike a match if certain commanders are within ten meters. [Danger of alcohol-induced flambée.]
40. Take care of your ambulance: try not to destroy it twice in three days, and avoid backing up over mines. [A reference to Edith Schaller and Lucie Deplancke in Lorraine.]
41. When sent temporarily to another unit, do not insist on wearing that regiment’s headgear when the lieutenant is patrolling nearby. [Christiane Petit wore the Spahis’ red cap a little more often than Toto thought she should.]
42. Avoid hand kissers in general. Avoid them particularly when one has 2 centimeters of truck grease under her nails or has had onion-peeling duty.
43. When six Rochambelles sleep in the same bed, if there is a cadet in the group, it is at her command when one sleeps and the order in which one turns over. In the absence of an officer, seniority rules.
44. When speaking of the eighteenth century, never refer to Madame Pompadour. [A reference to Zizon Sicco and Captain Ceccaldi.]
45. When going on leave in a car requisitioned by the Captain, do not trade it on the black market to pay for his whisky.
46. Volunteers for Indochina will be received within forty-eight hours of their arrival in the Rochambeau Group, and will be accepted only after six months have passed.
47. From the moment a new village is taken, carry out a census on the number of pickle pots hidden in cellars (start with the village priest).
48. Never believe news announced by Captain Delrue. [He was handsome but unreliable.]
49. Do not imagine, when in convoy, that the Traffic Control Unit is only in charge of keeping you furnished with candy and cigarettes and keeping you awake at the wheel. They are also there to direct traffic.
50. When one sees the General nearby, in operations, do your best to warn the lieutenant, so she can get her ass out of the way of his walking stick. [Toto got poked in Normandy for blocking a convoy and whacked at Châtel when she stopped on a bridge to ask directions.]