Izzy was early, and See You Latte was busy, which didn’t surprise her. She’d never seen the coffee shop not busy. At least the line was short. While she waited for her order, she thought about her conversation with Jane the day before and kept her eyes peeled for a table to free up. As luck would have it, when the barista handed her the bhakti chai latte she’d ordered, a table near the window cleared, and she hurried to get it before someone else grabbed it. She was brushing away scone crumbs when Anaya walked through the door. They saw each other at the same time, and Anaya greeted her with a hug.
“Is it okay? I’m a hugger.” Anaya released her and smiled.
Izzy wasn’t a big hugger. She hugged her family on occasion and sometimes her friends if the situation called for it.
“Totally okay,” she said and meant it.
“Good. Because I like you, and I’ll probably spontaneously hug you a few more times today.”
Izzy didn’t know how to respond. She pulled out a chair. “Let me get you coffee. What’s your poison?”
Anaya picked up Izzy’s cup and sniffed it. “What you have smells amazing. I’ll try that.”
“Okay. One extra-spicy bhakti chai coming up.”
Izzy ordered the drink and a couple of scones—a chocolate-chip and an orange-cranberry to be safe. As she waited for the latte, she started to worry Anaya wouldn’t like scones at all. What would she do if Anaya didn’t want one? She could eat them both, but would Anaya think she was a glutton? Would it be worse than if she left a scone uneaten? Would it make Anaya feel bad? Her brain started to ramp up the inevitable hectic chatter. Don’t start. Don’t start. Don’t start. She chanted silently. The chatter slowed, and she concentrated on her breathing until the chai was ready.
“I’m so glad you got something to nosh on.” Anaya eyed the scones when she got back to the table. “I’m starving.” She looked up at Izzy with a grateful smile. “Oh, and thank you. I should have bought since I invited you.”
“You bought drinks the other night. Take your pick. I’m good with either. I can always go back for something else. They have lots of other pastries and things.” Izzy slid the plates to the center of the small table, the uncertain voices trying to start up again.
Anaya took the scone closest to her, the orange-cranberry, and broke a piece off, popping it into her mouth. “Yum!”
The chattering voices stopped. Then she wondered what Anaya meant about who should buy. “Are there rules?”
Anaya sipped her chai. “Rules?”
“About who buys on a date. You said you should have bought.”
Anaya laughed. “I suppose some people have rules, but you’ll figure out quickly I’m not a rule follower.”
Izzy found the mischievous gleam in Anaya’s eyes intriguing. Maybe her revelation should have alarmed her, because people without rules often behave unpredictably. But Anaya’s candor gave her a sense of safety.
They spoke about travel and running, and before Izzy knew it, two hours had gone by.
Anaya stretched. “I saw you look at your watch. I think the scones have worn off. I need some real food.”
Izzy was right there with her. “There’s a Thai restaurant next door. I could go for a late lunch, if you’re free.” She’d surprised herself at how easy it had been to ask. No stress. No overthinking it. Her time with Anaya had also kept her mind off Jane.
“Sounds great. But only if you let me pay.”
“For a woman without rules, you sure like to throw them out there.” The teasing came easy. She was enjoying herself, and being around Anaya was fun.
Anaya winked at her. “I’m pretty versatile, actually.”
Izzy was clueless about flirting, but even she knew Anaya had uttered a not-so-subtle innuendo. The realization gave her a little buzz, followed by a huge surge of insecurity. When was Anaya going to figure out she was different? Would it be better if she told her up front? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Lunch was another two hours, and Izzy enjoyed the conversation. Unlike the coffee shop, the restaurant wasn’t exceptionally busy, and the wait staff didn’t try to rush them off as soon as they were done with their entrees.
Finally, Anaya took Izzy’s wrist and looked at her watch. “I hate to say it, but I have to get going.”
“Yeah, me, too.” Other than getting back home to Gus, Izzy really didn’t have to leave, but she didn’t want Anaya to think she didn’t have a life.
Anaya picked up her phone and opened a new contact page. “I’m tired of watching your profile all the time, waiting for you to log in. Can I have your number?”
Izzy wished she could be as direct and confident as Anaya. The buzz in her stomach moved to the rest of her as she entered her info. For the first time, it drowned out the fear.
“I guess our first official date went well, if you’re asking for my number now,” Izzy said. It was a joke, but had she sounded like a dork? Stop it. You don’t need to overanalyze everything.
“I’d say it went well. Better than well, actually.” Anaya saved the info Izzy had entered.
Izzy felt her own phone vibrate in her back pocket.
Anaya looked up through her long lashes. “I just texted you. Now you have my number.”
Izzy stood there, outside of the restaurant with Anaya, and wondered how to say good-bye. What was the protocol after the first official date?
She didn’t have much time to wonder. Of course, Anaya knew exactly what to do. She stepped close and gave Izzy a hug. This one was longer than the first one hours ago.
* * *
You did it! You went on a date, and you didn’t die!
Now what?
Do you want to see them again?
If your answer is no, the kind thing is to break it to them gently as soon as possible. I get that it doesn’t feel good to hurt someone’s feelings, but it’s worse to lead someone on just because you don’t want to let them down. It will hurt way less if you do it at the start. Sure, they’ll probably get the point if you don’t call them or answer their calls. But if you ask me, it’s not nice to keep someone hanging. Some people are good at rejection, and some are not. The main thing is to be kind and direct when it comes up.
If you enjoyed the date, however, and you suspect the other person did, too, there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling someone you like them. Sure, you chance finding out they aren’t into you, but wouldn’t you rather know sooner than later?
So, my advice is, if you want to see someone again, tell them. Contrary to what you see in movies and television, there is no specific time frame to wait. You can tell them when you say good night from the first date. Or you can tell them sometime in the future. There is no rule governing the right time.
Now, there are always going to be dates that fall somewhere in the middle. Maybe fireworks or instant attraction didn’t happen, but you wonder if they will, given some time. Maybe there are other complications. What do you do then?
Unfortunately, you’re kind of on your own when this happens, and you’ll have to figure out what you feel, what you need, and whether the other person can give it to you. It requires major introspection, but more than that, it requires good communication and honesty. You can do it. I know you can.