IT WAS GETTING close to the end of the semester and there were still too many group papers and exams to be turned in, as well as research to be done. Luca’s father was on his case about not forgetting his studies, questioning him about his sudden time away. Luca didn’t lie and told him how it was.
“Father, we’re required to turn some of these tests in as a group and, frankly, I enjoy hanging out with them. They’re fun.”
His father had given him a skeptical look. “Fun. This is no time to have fun, Luca. You need to focus on your studies, becoming a surgeon is no easy task.”
“Yes, Father, I know. But they have the same pressure I do. We’re all pre-med, remember,” Luca had replied quickly, meaning nothing by it.
“Don’t get snappy with me, Luca. You will do as I tell you.” He’d been silent for a moment, looking at him with stern eyes, exactly the way he always did. “Fine. But if I see one slip in your grades, one…” he emphasized the word, “you’re cut off. You hear me?”
Luca had nodded, promising there wouldn’t be a slip of any kind.
Most of his schoolwork with his classmates could, of course, be done over the net. Why do that, though, when doing it in person was so much more fun, especially when it included being with Kai. The best part was, Luca didn’t have to feel guilty. Well, at least not more so. Other than hiding the reason why he was so eager to be with Kai—none of it was a lie. They did have fun in between the books. To be perfectly honest, they spent a lot of time in the parks on a blanket studying together and much less time in the library or school computer labs. He was studying, though, that was the whole point, right? He was happy, together they were in this perfect bubble, and he had a new friend. Life was good.
Luca’s last class for the day was finished. A bounce in his step, he was moving faster than usual. He couldn’t wait to see Kai; he was so excited, it made his stomach flutter.
They’d been seeing each other nonstop for almost four weeks, and it was perfect. Their trip to Varberg the previous week was something they both still lived on. Things had happened on that trip to bring them even closer. They’d gotten serious a lot quicker than he’d ever expected. But he didn’t try to ponder it too much. Doing so only led him to feel hopeless and sad, because he knew his future didn’t consist of him and Kai as a couple. He knew that much.
But, instead of their relationship getting less intense, the intensity was growing and becoming stronger. The more time they spent together, the harder it was not to touch, smell, and feel Kai at all times. The best thing he knew was to nuzzle Kai’s neck, sliding his nose over the warm smooth skin there, breathing him in. It was intoxicating and arousing as hell. He smelled like a warm summer’s day, mixed with soap. The mere thought of it made his heart skip a beat and his prick twitch.
On days like this, when life hadn’t given them any time to see each other, not even for a quick lunch or coffee or simply to catch up for a few minutes, Luca needed to see Kai. He had to force himself to slow down, instead of running like a lunatic down the hill to Linne Street, where they were meeting up. He cherished every moment they had together and it was limited as it was. Together with Kai, it felt as if he could catch his breath for the first time in his life.
It still amazed Luca every morning when he woke up that he’d been able to come out. In a way, it felt like a dream, even if coming out in his particular situation was only to himself and Kai. He’d never really let himself think outside his self-imposed limits, like he’d done lately, but here he was, a month after meeting Kai, free in his own mind—well, at least freer. He wasn’t planning to come out to anyone else.
This thing with Kai was only temporary; something to help him deal before he’d go back to how things had been. It would help him through the rest of his life when he fulfilled his parents’ dreams and expectations. He’d have a really happy time to focus on, no matter how short it was.
Eventually, Kai would go home. To be more precise, he was going home in a mere six weeks. Luca dreaded the day more than anything else but he had six more weeks, to live and let live.
There was no point in ruining the time with worrying about the whys and what ifs. Life wasn’t fair but at least it had given them both a window of happiness. He coped because he knew, when Kai went home, he was going to a family who loved him precisely the way he was. Soon enough, he’d meet his Prince Charming to share his life with, and Luca would be left with the memories to last him a lifetime.
Or so he told himself anyway.
Luca didn’t spend as much time these days thinking about what it meant spending time with Kai and what others would think. He’d come to realize there was no way he’d be without Kai as long as he was in the country. He couldn’t turn him down. It scared him sometimes, because he didn’t know how he’d react once Kai finally left for good.
Picking up his pace, he was eager to get to their meeting place. They hadn’t had privacy since Varberg. One of Kai’s friends had some water damage in his apartment and had been crashing at Kai’s place, so that hadn’t been an option. It was a studio and there was no solitude. Besides, Luca wasn’t sure he’d been entirely ready for what that might entail. What had happened at Varberg had been thrilling and left him wanting more, even if it had been completely out of character, he wasn’t normally that adventurous. But, being alone with Kai in his apartment…well…
He did jack off thinking about Kai several times a day, though, before getting up and at night in bed. He touched himself in ways he’d never done before, exploring his body, imagining Kai’s hands and lips on him.
He didn’t care if they were in public and couldn’t do anything but talk, even if his prick protested and wanted some alone time. All that mattered was spending time with Kai. Earlier that morning, when they’d texted before class, Kai said he had a surprise for him. He had no idea what it was, but it would be great.
He was meeting him at the Linnéplatsen tram stop; he could see the crosswalk from the top of the hill. He waved at a few people as he raced past, wishing them a good weekend, but didn’t stop to talk.
Thanks to Kai, he now enjoyed conversations and spoke to several people on a daily basis. Not as special as Kai but he doubted anyone would be for a very long time. It had made him feel a lot better, both about himself and about going to school, though. He still wished he could study to become a vet but it was what it was.
Luca came down the hill and was about to cross the street when he saw Kai standing on the other side. He slowed down until he stood completely still, utterly taken with the sight as he absently pushed the crosswalk button.
Kai was leaning against the railing with his face turned up toward the sun. His eyes closed, a soft, contented smile played on his lips. He was breathtaking. Luca could have stood there all day gazing at him. So mesmerized by Kai’s person, he almost missed the green light to cross. Because of the late start, he had to run across the last portion to make it in time. Still, a car honked at him to hurry the hell up.
The noise and attention it attracted made Kai open his eyes and look around until their gaze met over a few passing heads. The heated glint in Kai’s eyes warmed Luca’s insides, and his gut instantly stirred as it always did with him around.
Their relationship had grown from an innocent flirtatious friendship, to a very intense and intimate one in a short time. He knew it might sound corny and stupid, but it was as if their souls were connected. All they needed was time to flourish. Luca wasn’t sure, but he’d bet a good chunk of money Kai hadn’t expected that part either. They didn’t talk much about what it meant, but he knew the longer they saw each other, the closer they came to having that talk. He didn’t want to have the talk. It would mean many things would be asked—questions Luca had no way of answering, and expectations he most likely wouldn’t be able to fulfill.
Pushing the unnerving thoughts aside, Luca walked up to Kai, so close their bodies were almost touching. He caught his scent, and oh, he did smell fine. Heat immediately flowed between them like an electric current.
“Hi,” he said with a smile, his fingers twitching to reach out and touch.
“Hello, darlin’.”
Luca’s senses lit up at the endearment, a shiver ran down from his head and zinged right into his groin. He loved being called his darlin’. It might not be the most butch thing ever but it made him feel special. He wanted to be special. Kai’s fingers brushed over his cheek and finally over his lower lip. Luca gasped, lips parting slightly at the intimate touch.
“How was your day? I’ve missed you,” Kai said.
Luca blushed but he loved every word and every touch.
“It was okay, I guess, but it’s so much better now. I missed you, too,” Luca whispered and, without realizing it, pushed closer, wanting more of those magic touches on him. “A lot.”
He pressed his cheek against Kai’s touch, basking in the warmth of Kai’s skin against his own. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he hummed happily. All he could think of was how much he wanted to touch him back. In the end, he couldn’t help himself, the desire was so strong that need took over. Luca’s hands skimmed over his naked skin, sliding up his arm, making Kai’s flesh break out in goosebumps from the soft touch. The simple caress made his skin tingle and he could see from the darkened and dilated pupils that Kai was equally as affected.
It made him smile; he loved knowing he wasn’t alone in feeling the way he did. In a flowing motion, without breaking eye contact, Kai’s hands were on Luca’s hips, pulling him in so they stood chest to chest, and Luca felt Kai’s excitement poking his thigh. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“You make me excited, Luca.” Kai breathed into his ear, leaning his head back an inch to smile at him as he brushed the side of his face. “A little bit more of this, and I’ll probably cream my pants.” He chuckled as Luca felt his cheeks redden. Burying his face in the hollow of Kai’s neck, if only for a second, Luca breathed in the warm, dark fragrance known to him as “Kai.” Did he do that? Did he make him excited? Was it possible for someone to care so much about him that a simple touch from him could have them wanting more? A lot more?
He leaned back to look at him. There was heat there in the pit of those eyes, a burning desire that could only mean one thing. Luca’s heart leapt in his chest, as the burning passion in Kai’s eyes made his own body respond in ways not fit for public. Luca’s insecurities stepped in like clockwork, and he slid away from Kai’s loving arms.
“I’m sorry.” His voice muffled, but he took a deep breath before taking a small step forward, still touching but not as obvious, managing to arrange himself as discreetly as possible, his cheeks still rosy pink.
“Oh, don’t be sorry. I love your hands on me. Never apologize for touching me.”
The hard muscles of Kai’s chest rose and fell, his breath slightly more exaggerated. Had it really been that…bad?
As Kai smiled one of those million-dollar smiles, Luca became so mesmerized nothing else remained, the traffic and people around them ceased to exist.
“Okay… Good… Um…” He stumbled on his words, but the smile on Kai’s lips and twinkle in his eyes stopped him thinking altogether. He’d had no plans for what happened next but before he knew it, he leaned in and pressed his lips to Kai’s. Luca could feel Kai’s instant surprise. But, only moments later, his mouth latched on to Luca’s, his tongue darting out to push his lips open. With a single gasp, it turned into the most mind-blowing kiss of Luca’s life. The kind of kiss that made his toes curl and Kai moan.
He felt so brave and strong for daring to do what only a few weeks ago was unthinkable. Luca leaned all the way in against Kai, letting him take the full weight of his body, as he wrapped his arms around Kai’s neck to get even closer and deepen their kiss. Luca had never felt a hunger like this before as his body and mind craved Kai.
He even dared to show Kai how much, by slipping his tongue in to lap against his, it was merely for a second but he did it. Kai moaned at the onslaught and he couldn’t help smiling, while they still kissed. He’d done that, he’d made Kai make that little sexy noise, which must mean he was doing something right.
All too soon, Kai broke off the kiss, nipping once at his lip before pulling away. Luca made a sound of protest before opening his eyes and giving Kai a disappointed look. It made Kai chuckle and stroke Luca’s hair out of his face.
“Maybe not the best place to continue this, huh?”
Luca looked around, as it dawned on him where they were, and how he’d been acting. Oh my God, he’d more or less been devouring Kai right there next to the tram stop. He tried to look around discreetly to see if anyone was watching but, as far as he could see, no one was paying them any attention.
Kai lifted his chin with his finger, and smiled. “Nobody is watching, Luca. Don’t be scared.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Luca gave him a sheepish grin. “So, what was your surprise?” He smiled and felt like he was bubbling over with excitement.
“Well, I was going to take you out for dinner and a movie, but how about we buy some take out, and go home to my place? Brandon got a call today, his place is livable again, I have my place back to myself. We can eat, talk, and cuddle on the couch, watching a movie.”
Kai’s suggestion was innocent enough but his eyes told another story. They were filled with desire, and his voice was still affected by what they’d done. It was filled with promises of more of what they’d shared. It made Luca shiver in anticipation and wiggle his hips from side to side, as if he was trying to get comfortable in his own pants.
Kai must have noticed because he discreetly pushed his knee between his thighs, grinding his groin exactly enough to give Luca some satisfying friction. Luca’s lips parted at the sensation, leaving him to nod in agreement, sliding his hands over Kai’s hips and feeling so bold, almost sensual.
They ran across the narrow road to catch the tram. Entering the vehicle, it was packed so they had to stand to the side in the corner but it didn’t matter; they only had eyes for each other. Kai leaned against the car, pulling Luca close to him, and he willingly stepped into Kai’s personal space, letting himself lean against him as he wrapped his arms around Kai’s waist. He knew he was risking a lot. If someone saw them, it would go straight to his parents, but he couldn’t not do it. It was as if someone else was running his mind but he wasn’t complaining—he was loving every minute of it. After a moment of silence, Luca relaxed even more, there was no need for words.
He leaned his head against Kai’s shoulder, enjoying Kai holding him. His own heartbeat drummed like crazy, from the thrill and rush of being like this with Kai and not feeling guilty, ashamed or scared that someone saw him. He watched the people on the tram, no one was looking at them strangely, and no one really cared. He met a strange woman’s gaze and, for a few seconds, he thought he’d see disgust but she only gave him a reassuring smile.
A wide grin spread across his lips as he buried his face in Kai’s neck. Kai’s arms hugged him tight and he felt his breath ghosting his face as Kai leaned down to brush his lips against his cheek and nibble on his ear. The feel of Kai’s breath and teeth on his skin made Luca instantly hard again, and he had to muffle a moan as he whispered into Kai’s neck. “That is so not fair.”
Kai’s soft chuckle in his ear didn’t help Luca get control of his raging hormones, but he looked up at Kai grinning widely at the mischievous look on his face.
It didn’t take them long to reach their stop by Chalmers University. They slowly walked to Kai’s apartment, not wanting to rush even if it was obvious to him that both of them were eager to be alone. They talked about school, their upcoming exams, how the rest of their day had been. The conversation flowed easily and Luca, for once, kept it going. Taking a detour, they picked up some Thai food, slowly making their way back to Kai’s place.
KAI REGARDED LUCA tenderly. He was so proud of the brave man walking next to him. A man who talked vividly about his day. Kai looked down at their entwined fingers. He was oddly surprised how well Luca had adapted to his new self, and thrown himself into this new life wholeheartedly. It was wonderful but, at the same time, something told Kai Luca was trying to collect experiences. Not that there was anything wrong with that. Who didn’t need memories, especially fond ones? They carried you through bad times, but what did it mean for them? Was Luca ever coming out and standing up to his parents? He wasn’t going to worry about that now. Somewhere in his heart, he was positive if he only gave Luca time, it would all come right.
The man who clasped his hand so openly, showing his affection and desires was not the Luca he’d met, but he loved this side of him, being able to kiss him and hold his hand whenever the urge hit. Luca had come so far in so little time and was so brave. If Kai admitted it, he wasn’t merely fond of Luca, he was falling in love.
He’d had a couple of boyfriends before but nothing that ever compared to what he felt for Luca. This was intense in a way going beyond some simple high school infatuation. It was the real deal, at least for him. Studying Luca as he spoke, there was a boyish smile and his big blue eyes shone in excitement. Kai adored the blush that was more or less constantly on Luca’s cheeks and the smart, rapid mind that came up with the most fantastic thoughts and ideas. He loved all of it, like whoa!
He knew they were living on borrowed time, but it unfortunately didn’t stop him falling in love. He was going back home soon. Kai told himself there was no point in falling for someone he didn’t have a future with. If the distance didn’t kill their relationship, Luca not being openly gay to his family or friends would eventually destroy what they had.
Kai knew he was lucky to have the love and support of his family, and obviously not everyone was that lucky. It didn’t change the fact that his heart was in trouble, and he had to start protecting it, otherwise he was going to get hurt. But not now, he wasn’t ready to let go quite yet.
He’d allow himself, allow them, a little more time to be young and in love. To live like they had forever and, maybe, who knew, maybe they would. Yet, deep down inside, Kai was hoping for a miracle of some sort to solve it all for them, so they could have their happy ever after.
Kai let his eyes linger on the man next to him, tracing the outline of his face and the plump, red lips curving into a smile as he spoke. He was beautiful and handsome, all at the same time, with soft features, not girly in any way, merely smooth and clean. Delicate. Kai loved how Luca fitted perfectly into the crook of his arm and was slimmer than he was.
Luca grinned and slid his arm around his waist, brushing his lips against Kai’s, before finishing his story. Kai was lost in his lover’s embrace, lost to his newfound belief in himself and the public shows of affection Luca gave him so freely. He had no way of shielding himself from Luca’s newfound confidence. There was no point in pretending it didn’t matter or that Kai was anything but overjoyed by this moment where they were like a real couple.
The dark cloud of what tomorrow would bring and how long it would last, knowing his heart would be broken into a million pieces, was still there. He couldn’t deny himself this anymore, though. He was already lost to the feeling.
Kai didn’t have the strength or will to fight against his attraction; he wanted whatever today and this night would bring in memories. Luca was his, and there was nothing else to say. He wanted him more than he’d wanted anyone else in his life, he wasn’t going to let this chance of a happy moment with Luca pass either of them by.
With that settled in his mind, he wrapped his arm around Luca’s neck and brought his head closer to kiss his temple.
“Okay, chatterbox, let’s get us and that Thai food home. I want dessert after my dinner.” He smiled knowingly at Luca, wiggling his eyebrows.
“What kind of dessert? Ice cream?” Luca teased.
“If it’s offered from that pretty mouth of yours, then yes. But otherwise, more of those yummy kisses would do nicely.” Kai laughed out loud at Luca’s eager nod.
* * * * *