In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. He existed in the beginning with God. God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.
JOHN 1:1–5
Faces of precious family and friends looked back at me through the many framed photos that decorated my office. I spent the afternoon upstairs in this tranquil space, preparing a Bible study lesson I would be leading next week. I thought about these faces, as well as the lovely women who were joining me on this year-long study journey at church, and found myself in a spontaneous moment of thankful prayer for the presence of each and every one of these people in my life. They had stretched me, encouraged me, strengthened me, and loved me. Their faithful friendship had been a true earthly representation of the grace of God. I reflected on the people in my life who had told me they didn’t want to join a church, that they could just as well find God in the woods, at the ocean, or in the mountains. I may have agreed with that idea years ago because I, too, found God in all of these places. But through the years, my experience with the unfailing love and support of my church family had shown me the priceless value of a community of faith. Remembering the morning’s conversation with my angel, I wished I had had the gift of a godly fellowship of believers those many years ago when I felt so isolated and alone.
The shadows of the evening steadily crept though my office windows as I worked, and soon it was dark. I had lost track of the time since I did not have to stop to prepare dinner—Guy was attending a monthly dinner meeting with colleagues. I quickly realized it was time for another meeting with my angel! I hurried downstairs and stepped onto the patio, looking in the direction of the garden where I last saw Margaret. Any minute now, I thought. I wonder what Margaret has planned for tonight? She had ever so gently guided me into discovering new and precious truths in each one of our conversations. This morning’s conversation had included a topic that had always been acutely painful for me, yet at its conclusion I felt profoundly loved.
The night was warm and peaceful. All the busy-ness and noise of the day had been put to rest. I listened to the faint rustle of the breeze and the soft music of my wind chimes. Then, next to the statue of St. Francis, a faint shimmer of light appeared. It grew steadily brighter, and I again saw the faint outline of wings—my angel was back! Margaret stepped from the garden and came to stand by my side. She smelled faintly of white roses.
“Did you enjoy your day, Jenn?” she asked.
“Yes, I did,” I replied. “I did a lot of reflecting on what we talked about and how God’s voice called me back to him.”
She smiled and I noticed that mysterious gleam again. “We are going to continue our conversation, and I am so excited because tonight is all about the wonder of his love.” She motioned over to our chairs by the fire pit. “Let’s go sit.”
We settled into our two chairs, looking out into the backyard, and sat for a few moments in silence, letting the quiet of the night seep into our hearts. The scent of gardenias was heavy in the air, and little tree frogs began to sing, creating a rhythmic chorus in the darkness.
After a while Margaret spoke. “Look at all those stars.” She sighed, leaning her head back against the chair and lifting her face to the heavens. “So many beautiful points of light.” She turned her head and looked at me, and with a soft voice she said, “You had a personal encounter with the Original Source of this light, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I breathed, looking up at the star-filled sky. “I sure did. I met him in the darkest place I have ever been.”
“Tell me,” Margaret prodded gently.
My heart quickened as I began to tell Margaret the story of a night and a meeting arranged by the Almighty himself.
“The agony of the years of my infertility and then a failed marriage took a deep toll on me. I felt so far away from God and so far away from myself. I had no idea how to get back to the happy, confident young woman I had been so long ago. I began to see a therapist, who did help me to put things in perspective a bit, but I was still so incredibly sad. Then, one night, soon after hearing God speak my name by my bedside, I went to bed and dreamed a dream that changed my life.”
As my dream begins, I am walking in a cold, very dark desert. There are no stars, and I am afraid. I don’t know what I am afraid of, but it has something to do with being out after dark. For some reason, it is very important to be home after the sun has set, or I will be in danger. I move quickly toward my house in the desert, a clay dwelling with open-air, arched windows. It reminds me of something one might see in old Jerusalem. As I walk on the cold sand, my fear rises to an almost panicked level. I have to get to my house soon, but my house is dark, and I am also afraid of what the darkness inside the house might hold for me. As I finally approach, I am amazed to see a hand placing a candle in the window. No one is supposed to be there! I feel instant relief at that little point of light—it is the only light I can see for miles around. I enter my home. It has a dirt floor, and there is no furniture. I look across the room toward the window, and what I see astonishes me. There, standing in a shimmering gold light that encompasses his whole being, is Jesus! I fall to my knees before him in absolute wonder. His hand is still on the candleholder in the window as if he is still holding it to light my way. I cannot see the details of his face clearly because of the incredible, shimmering gold light, but I instantly know him. He smiles and his voice says to me, “I will always be here for you, Jennifer.” With that, he begins to shimmer even more and starts to fade. The gold shimmers are dispersing in an ever-widening pattern until they engulf the whole room, swirling around me. The very air I breathe is full of him, effervescent. As I breathe in, it feels as if I have been dropped into a very bubbly glass of champagne and am breathing in the liquid bubbles. Then the room becomes quiet. He is gone. But I am no longer afraid. When I awaken from my dream, I feel, for the first time in a very long time, that things are going to be okay. And even better, I also know I have just met my Savior, the Light of the World.
My beautiful angel and I sat gazing at the stars in silence after I finished my story. Even after all these years, the memory of my meeting with Jesus is still so powerful that it can bring me to my knees.
Margaret’s voice gently interrupted my thoughts. “Jenn, have you ever thought about why your dream took place in a desert?”
I thought for a minute. “I guess I always assumed it was because I felt so lonely and left out, just as the desert seems a very lonely place,” I answered.
Margaret nodded thoughtfully. Then she said quietly, “The desert is also a very barren place, Jenn. Barren and seemingly lifeless. But when the rains come and the desert is soaked in water, it blooms. Does this resonate with you?”
I winced at her use of the word barren. “Oh, Margaret, that word still distresses me. But, yes, it does resonate with me. I struggled so much with being childless and hated the word barren every time I encountered it. My life seemed empty, without purpose.”
“I know, dear child, and what you need to realize is that you were that desert. You felt barren and lifeless, until you met Jesus in your dream. Then a miracle happened. You met the Source of Light and Living Water. You soaked in his very essence, and you bloomed.”
As I let her words sink in, a memory from my childhood sprang forth. I had actually seen the Arizona desert in bloom after a rainy spring. The cactus flowers were so beautiful. I knew Margaret was right.
“I guess I did bloom, Margaret. Things really began to change for me. I regained the confidence I’d once had and began picking up the pieces of my life. I had a wonderfully supportive family, a good job, got back in touch with friends, and within a few years married my Guy. And I even got a chance to be a mom by helping to raise his son. I gave my all to a special little boy named Jason who is now a grown-up, independent young man.
“To this very day, I am so very touched and humbled to know that in my darkness, my Lord reached out to me and found me. He knew how very much I needed him, even when I didn’t realize it. He really does not give up on you.”
“No, he does not,” agreed Margaret. “I wish more people realized this. Many feel they are unworthy of God’s love, because they have made poor decisions or have made a mess of their lives. Some feel that God doesn’t even know they exist. But what people need to understand is that they are worthy because they are his children. God put each and every person here on this earth and cares deeply for them. All you have to do is seek him. He will find you and meet you where you are.
“Your dream reminds me of a biblical parallel, Jenn. Do you remember the story in Exodus, of the Israelites on the last night of their captivity in Egypt? On that night, God sent the final and most deadly plague against the pharaoh and the Egyptians in order to demonstrate his power as the one true God and to convince the pharaoh to let the Israelites leave the country. The Israelites were instructed to place the blood of a lamb on the doorposts of their homes and to stay inside. That night was dark and terrifying, and they were very afraid. At midnight, the harbinger of death began to creep through the neighborhoods. And then something wonderful happened. It was as if the blood smeared on the doorposts suddenly blazed and pierced the darkness like the brightest of stars, repulsing the evil plague so that it passed over their homes, and the Israelites were spared the deaths of their firstborns. God was the deliverer of his people. And our beloved Jesus is the New Testament Lamb, who shed his blood for all people, saving them from the darkness forever.”
“The story of the Exodus is one of my favorites,” I replied with a wistful smile. “And I do see the parallel. Jesus, the Lamb of God, certainly did deliver me when he found me in the terrifying night of my dream and led me home with his Light. The Light repelled the fear, the darkness, and the oppression I had been feeling for so long.”
“Indeed it did, dear one,” Margaret agreed. “And as you slept, your Savior personally delivered this promise to you:
“I am always here for you, my child. No darkness is too dark, no circumstance is too dire for me to walk into with my Light and free you.”
My heart swelled as I listened to these words, remembering the intensity of Jesus’ presence in my dream. There was no doubt in my mind . . . no one is beyond the reach of the saving grace of our precious Savior.
“After I had this dream, I really made an effort to return fully to God, paying attention to what he said to me in my dreams. And as I did, I noticed a new gift was emerging. I began to hear him while I was awake. Not out loud, but what I call an inside voice. It is a voice that speaks inside me, clearly and concisely—only a few words at a time.”
“I know that voice well, dear child,” said Margaret softly.
We sat contentedly for a few moments, listening to the growing multitude of chirping voices provided by the frogs and crickets. Then my dear angel stood and stretched, and I knew our evening had drawn to a close.
“This night has been special, Jenn. I have loved sitting here under the stars with you and hearing about your encounter with Jesus. The starry night sky is a wonderful reminder to humanity of the Light that pierces the darkness.
“You need to get some rest now. Sleep sweetly tonight and I will see you in the morning. Tomorrow, let’s speak more about the Almighty’s voice. Good night, dear one.”
“Good night, Margaret,” I replied, stifling a yawn.
I leaned back in my chair and watched as she slowly faded into the shadows and disappeared. Then I turned my eyes once more to the heavens and whispered “Good night” to my Savior—my beautiful, shimmering Light.