“I’m going to miss you, you know.”
Susanna rolled over onto her front on the lumpy sofa and stared at Jack, who was standing by the front door again. This time, at least, he had a decent view. The valley they’d made it through by the skin of their teeth stretched out beyond the safe house doorway. It was terrifying, a funnel thrusting them into the path of more wraiths than Susanna had ever seen gathered in one place, but now that they’d crossed it, she could admit that the vast sweeps of hillside, the sinuous, slightly shimmering black of the narrow pathway and the burning hue of the sky had a strange kind of majesty.
If she never saw it again, though, that would be absolutely fine by her.
“Are you talking to me, or the wasteland?” she teased.
“Mostly the wasteland.” Jack grinned out at the valley before turning to face her. “But you as well, I suppose.”
“Right.” Susanna rolled her eyes at him. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiled at her fake disgruntlement, crossing the room to absently run a hand over the surface of a rickety kitchen table. “I wish there was something to eat.”
“You’re hungry?” Susanna asked, surprised.
“No.” Jack shook his head. “I just… I could really go a bacon roll right now. Or a bag of chips.”
“Healthy fare,” Susanna commented dryly.
“Yeah well.” He shrugged. “My mum never let me have that sort of thing. Meals had to be old-fashioned, with veg and crap, or else my stepdad—” Jack broke off, suddenly shoving at the kitchen table. One of the spindly chairs tucked beneath it toppled loudly to the floor, but Jack ignored it, coming over to sit on the sofa.
Looking at the hunched curve of his spine, the tightness in his shoulders, she sat up and swivelled until they were sitting side by side.
“I’ve never had chips,” Susanna said quietly. “Or a bacon roll.”
Jack made a non-committal sound, rubbing his hands through his hair.
“Or chocolate,” she added. “I’ve heard a lot about chocolate.” She wished she’d had the chance to taste some while she was in the real world, but with everything that had happened, sampling foods had been the last thing on her mind.
“You should have said,” Jack told her. “My mum has loads.” His voice took on a caustic edge. “Stashed away where my stepdad can’t find it. He’s always telling her she’s getting fat.”
Susanna didn’t know what to say to that. She reached out hesitantly and put her hand on Jack’s knee. She’d seen him try to act the protector in memory after memory, knew it must be gnawing at him that he couldn’t step in between them any more. Make himself the target for his stepdad’s cruel words.
For his punches.
“Did I kiss you?” Jack said suddenly.
“What?” Susanna blurted, totally wrong-footed by the abrupt change of direction.
Jack turned his head ever so slightly, giving her a view of his sheepish expression and burning cheeks. “Did I kiss you?” He shifted on the sofa, their positions close enough that he knocked her elbow. “I feel like I remember… the first time we were in the wasteland, we walked to a flat.” Jack scrunched his face up, searching memories Susanna knew would be blurry. “You said it belonged to a pal or something. She had a stupid name…”
“Marcy,” Susanna said.
Jack snorted. “I should have figured it out right there and then. What kind of a name is Marcy?”
“Lots of people are called Marcy!” Susanna protested.
“Fifty years ago,” Jack countered.
“It’s hard to keep up with the times,” Susanna muttered, resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at him. “And I was under pressure – you were being a nightmare!”
Jack laughed, a loud, hoarse sound. Rusty, as if he hardly used it, which Susanna knew to be true.
“In my defence, I thought you were Sammy,” Jack said.
“I know.” Susanna nudged him gently with her shoulder. “Do you miss her?”
“I’m not… I mean, I feel like I should.” He shrugged. “But I don’t, not really.”
“Oh.” Susanna was surprised. Sammy had been a rock for Jack, a steady presence in the tumult of his life. Susanna knew he’d had strong feelings for her, that’s why she’d taken on that form. “Well, that’s OK,” she added somewhat lamely, feeling the need to fill the awkward silence that had somehow settled on them.
“I did kiss you, didn’t I?” Jack asked. He was carefully not looking at her.
“Well…” Yes, he had. He’d lain over her, kissing her neck, tried to slip his hand under her shirt to feel her up. “You thought I was Sammy,” she reminded him.
There was a moment of tense silence that Susanna didn’t know how to break. She couldn’t even guess what Jack was thinking, but he suddenly seemed to find the floor very interesting.
For Susanna, it was hard to think about the memory, fresh as if it had happened only moments ago, without feeling odd. Jittery. The Jack that had kissed her then had been a stranger. But now…
“I’m sorry,” he blurted, breaking the silence and fixing his eyes on Susanna’s. “For the way I acted, I mean.” A pause. “Was that your first kiss?”
“What kind of question is that?” she retorted. She felt heat start to creep up her cheeks and it was a struggle to hold Jack’s unrelenting gaze.
“Was it?” he asked, doggedly pursuing an answer.
“No,” Susanna said tartly, then, because Jack was looking so skeptical, “and it wasn’t the best kiss I’ve ever had either!”
This time his laugh was so loud it seemed to rock the safe house.
“Now I know you’re lying,” he said with a wink.
“Hmmm.” Susanna sniffed, arching an eyebrow at him. “Anything else you’d like to know? My deepest darkest secrets?”
“Like you’ve got any!” he shot back.
“I do so!” She smacked his arm. “And I’m not telling you!”
He grinned, then he blew out a breath and looked towards the door. It was near dark, and the wraiths were thick in the air, screaming and wailing, but the magic of the safe house dimmed a lot of the noise, even with the door open, and the terror of the wall of tortured sound had lessened with time.
“Are we nearly there?” he asked, any traces of laughter now gone.
“Yeah.” The word came out scratchy and Susanna had to clear her suddenly tight throat. “Yeah, there’s not far to go. One more big obstacle, one more safe house, then we’ll be at the line. You’ll be able to get out of here.”
“And you?”
“I’ll…” Susanna didn’t really know. “I’ll probably be sent to ferry another soul.”
She hoped. Because if the Inquisitor left her here, alone, with the heat and the desert dryness and the ever-present wraiths, she thought she might lose her mind.
“Right.” A pause. “What’s the last big obstacle, then?”
“A lake,” Susanna said. “We row across it.” Then she made a face. “I row across it.”
“A lake?” Jack asked, and Susanna nodded. “How big is it?”
“Well, I don’t really have anything to compare it to, but it’s too big to walk around, not before the sun sets.”
“Oh.” Another pause. “Is it deep?”
“Yeah,” Susanna said, “It’s pretty deep. I’ve had the joy of swimming in it a few times.” That was an understatement. “I’ve never been able to reach the bottom.”
“I can’t swim,” Jack announced. He fidgeted. “Like, at all.”
Susanna already knew that.
“Don’t worry, Jack. We’ll stay in the boat. I promised you, remember? I’m going to get you out of here. In less than two days, I’ll have you across the line.”
And didn’t that just stab her in the heart.
“I really am going to miss you,” Jack repeated quietly, reaching out and pulling her towards him. This time, Susanna didn’t make any sort of smart comment. She just rested her head on his shoulder and waited for the dawn.