Rain had bucketed down all night and throughout the drive back from Saddleton in the early hours of the morning. With no sleep other than a few naps at Noah’s bedside, Maggie now tried rubbing the heaviness from her eyes with the heels of her hands, but all that did was make her eyeballs burn. They probably looked like the red message alert blinking with riling regularity as Maggie replayed Dan’s voicemail recording for the third time. Why not delete the damn message? How many more times would she listen before erasing the words? Before erasing the night from her own memory bank.
A loud knock at the door to the residence catapulted Maggie off the edge of her bed and across the room.
‘Hello, Maggie.’ Tracy, of all people, stood on the other side of the front door. ‘I heard you were back from the hospital and that Noah’s going to be okay. I’m so glad.’
‘Yes.’ Maggie prayed her face would not betray her as a flicker-fest of images with Dan last night flashed in front of her eyes. Had Tracy heard Maggie’s rant? Hadn’t the entire main street heard?
‘I understand that I’m probably the last person you expected to come knocking this morning, Maggie, but here I am and, well, here you are. We should talk, don’t you think?’
‘Talk?’ Oh, bugger! What did she say? Where did she start? An apology for drooling over the woman’s husband was probably appropriate. It just seemed utterly inadequate—laughable even. Maggie had flirted unashamedly. Goodness knows how far she might have let things go had it not been for Sara’s calling out. Making matters worse, she’d blamed Dan for her own lot in life. ‘Um, okay. We can talk, I guess.’
As desperate as she was to get back to Noah at the hospital, first she had to face the music with Tracy. Maggie instinctively looked at her wristwatch.
‘I know you’ll want to get back to the hospital. I won’t stay long.’
‘Ah, no, no, no. It’s okay.’ It’s the least I can do, she said to herself, as her brain turned to pulp and her tongue to jelly.
‘I know we haven’t kept in touch, but we were good friends at school and this was a school reunion. I meant to catch up last night, but you know me … Chat, chat, chat.’ She smiled. ‘Actually, I need to apologise.’
‘Apologise? To me?’
‘For not rescuing you from Dan right at the start, or at least warning you. He’s never been Mr Sociable and he tends to grab hold of the first person who’ll give him an ear. I looked for you at one stage, but then I got caught up with one person after the other, totally losing track of time and Dan in the process. Forgive me?’ She stopped talking long enough to laugh. ‘That’s why I had to catch up before leaving town. Flying visit. Kids, you know?’
‘Kids. Yes.’
Maggie had been watching Tracy’s lips move, but her words barely registered.
‘So, can we? Catch up and talk?’
‘You’re here to catch up?’ The sigh that escaped her lips felt like the first breath since opening the door.
‘I wasn’t even sure if you’d make it back from the hospital before we left. I’m glad Noah’s okay.’
‘They’ve kept him for observation, but he refuses to wear a hospital gown so I’m picking up his sweat shorts and T-shirt.’
‘Teenage boys, eh?’
Maggie nodded. ‘Callum, our local policeman, gave me a lift back a few hours ago. With a full house I couldn’t leave Ethne on her own for breakfast anyway.’
‘The dining room was empty when I came through. The entire town must be at the fair day. How about it?’
‘How about what?’ Staying awake and keeping up with Tracy’s constant chatter was more of a struggle than Maggie was capable of this morning.
‘That catch up. A quick one. I can’t dilly-dally.’
At any other time Maggie would have happily reminisced with an old friend, but not this friend, not right now, and definitely not after last night.
‘Oh, um, I was just going to grab a few leftovers from the kitchen before I have to head back to the hospital, so maybe—’
‘A quick bite is perfect. I’m starved and knowing Dan, once we hit the road …’
‘You’re leaving … today?’
‘That’s why I wanted to see you, before we head off.’ Tracy took Maggie’s arm and giggled. ‘Hey, remember when we used to swap lunches? We used to …’ She was off and talking again.
For fifteen minutes Tracy prattled, switching the conversation from Tracy and Maggie, to Tracy and Tracy’s children, while shovelling food from her plate like a Tonka truck in a sandpit.
When she finally slumped back in her seat and groaned, Maggie asked, ‘You okay?’
‘Oh dear.’ Tracy rubbed her stomach and burped. ‘Whoops, sorry.’
‘Too much food perhaps?’ Maggie felt herself pinching back a grin, which was unexpected given the circumstances.
‘More like too much baby. Some mornings are better than others. Give me a minute and I’ll be right as rain.’ Tracy smoothed the fabric of her shirt to show off a barely-there baby bump. ‘Thank God my dress fitted okay last night. I was determined it would, otherwise I wasn’t going to come. Poor Dan bore the brunt of my panic, of course. The man is a saint.’ She talked through chewed toast. ‘And I shouldn’t have forced Dan to come with me either, not that I had to force him exactly. He seemed quite keen. I hadn’t expected that, especially given I’d been on at him for ages about his father. Men!’
‘You’re pregnant?’ Maggie had heard nothing else.
‘Crazy, I know. And at our age, too. I mean, Emily and Mikey are almost fourteen,’ Tracy giggled. ‘It wasn’t planned, of course, and we’re not telling anybody else yet. Are we, sweetie?’ She dropped her gaze to her belly and coochee-cooed, rubbing her palm in tiny circles. ‘I’m rather glad I was able to get Dan away this weekend to break the news. You know Dan.’ Maggie must have been pulling a nonplussed face because Tracy felt the need to explain—or keep speaking. ‘What I mean is, you and he were talking a lot last night so you’d know what a fuddy-duddy he can be these days. I call him “Do the Right Thing Dan”,’ she chortled. ‘Sure is a long way from that bad boy we all swooned over. The guy will do what’s expected before he does what he wants. I figured if I told him while we were here and away from the kids we could nut out what happens next.’
What does happen next? Maggie wanted to ask.
‘But of course,’ Tracy continued, ‘morning sickness can be hard to hide so I figured, what better time to come clean with Dan than while he was holding my hair back as I hung over the toilet bowl chucking up. Come to think of it, Dan looked about as shocked as you do right now when I told him the good news. It’s the age thing, probably. He’s worried for me. I’d best get used to it.’ Tracy chewed down another mouthful of toast, oblivious to the panic attack taking place on the other side of the table. ‘I once heard a pregnant woman describe herself as a hormone with a hairdo. Too true. If anyone had said anything about me looking fat last night I probably would have exploded and blurted the news out on the spot.’
Maggie wondered how the woman was still managing to breathe, eat and talk, while she was struggling to simply watch.
Spending time with Tracy this morning was a big mistake.
Spending time with Dan last night had been a bigger one.
‘Maggie? Sorry to interrupt.’
The voice from behind sounded familiar, only smaller than she was used to hearing. It made her body stiffen. Tracy had stopped talking and was smiling at something over Maggie’s shoulder.
Fiona!
‘This is not a good time,’ Maggie said, staring into the last face she wanted to see, the usual peaches and cream complexion now a puffy, red, tear-streaked mess. ‘Really not good.’
Maggie turned back and stared at the uneaten food on her plate as if hoping the girl would simply disappear and when she turned around Fiona would be gone.
She couldn’t look at the girl.
She couldn’t even look at Tracy.
Right now, she’d have trouble looking at herself, and with the overwhelming desire to scream building to an impossible new height inside her, Maggie pushed back from the table and blurted, ‘I’m sorry.’ The chair fell over, smashing onto the floor and silencing the rhubarb rhubarb of the dining room. ‘I … I don’t want to deal with any of this. My son needs me.’
‘But Maggie,’ Fiona made a move to follow. ‘I wanted to—’
‘No. Stop talking.’ Maggie thrust a palm towards Fiona’s face so she didn’t have to look in the girl’s eyes. She could hardly stop herself from wanting to shake the crap out of her. ‘Tracy, I’m so sorry,’ she sobbed. ‘So very, very sorry—about everything.’
Maggie slammed the car door, lowered her face to her white-knuckled hands clenching the steering wheel, and counted to ten. She couldn’t drive with tears stinging her eyes. The hot wind and dust that would soon be filling her father’s old Holden would be bad enough. A knock on the driver’s door window made her jump. It was Ethne. Maggie cranked the old lever to wind down the window and blotted her eyes with the back of her wrist.
‘You okay, love?’
‘I’ll be fine once I get back to Noah.’
‘Well, I’ve got a Dan on the phone insisting I find you.’
Maggie hesitated. On one hand, this was the perfect time to take the call, congratulate him on the baby, and end all the nonsense. On the other, she couldn’t be sure she’d make it through the first sentence without slipping back into the crazy woman of last night. And she had to get to Saddleton. Noah was her first and only priority—always.
‘Ethne, do me a favour and tell him …’ She thought about her conversation with Tracy just now and the way she’d glowed with news of a new baby. ‘Tell him family and children come first. All of them, always. I have to give my child all my love and attention. Perhaps he should do the same. Please tell him not to ring me again.’ Maggie started the car and looked at her friend’s curious expression. ‘And no, you can’t ask, Ethne. I’m fine, but I’ll be better when I’m back with Noah.’
‘Awright, love, but try to be home before this afternoon’s storm. And you’d be wise to avoid taking the shortcut through Cedar Cutters Gorge with those brakes of yours.’
‘Okay. Okay. I’ll be careful. I want him home safe too.’