“Colby?” I ask again, shaking his arm.

I felt his body deflate when the man told him where Bevie went, and I don’t want him to be sad anymore. Not over her; we don’t need her. I push back from him slightly and see his eye is trained on the trees, scanning the forest, probably hoping to see her.

“Colby?”

“Yeah, Lils?” he asks me tiredly.

“Can we go home now?”

He looks down at me for a moment, pulls the scarf off his mouth, and holds it out to me.

“Put this on, little warrior. We have to stay out here until I can find her.”

I snatch it from him angrily and wrap it around my face haphazardly, eliciting a laugh from him. But it’s not funny.

None of this is.

“We don’t need her,” I bark, smacking his chest. “We were just fine before she came along and we’ll be fine after.”

“You don’t understand,” he says softly, shaking his head.

“I don’t want to understand!” I shout as I begin to wriggle in his arms until he sets me down. “You used to love me before she came along and now you don’t anymore, and I hate you. I HATE YOU COLBY!” I screech before I turn and run down the hill.

I can hear him shouting after me, but it’s not enough to stop me. Love to me means something different than it does to him.

Every chance I get, I sleep in his bed. I cuddle with him. I help him around our home. Our home—not hers. I help him prep meals, and I’ve even asked if I can go hunting with him because I’m a lot stronger and smarter than he gives me credit for. I clean the dishes. I organize the grown-ups in our home, hand out the chores, and make sure that everything gets done just the way he wants.

When he wants to be alone, I sit quietly outside of his door, just in case he needs something.

And it’s not enough.

Nothing I do seems to be enough.

I want to be an Other too; I think as a sob escapes me and I run faster than I ever have before.

 

---