Next Sunday morning, Malcolm insisted that they get to the zoo as early as possible. As well as, obviously, insisting on coming himself, for the first time for years.

They were the first people through the gates. Malcolm said “Hello!” to Sanjit and Luke, who looked confused, because he said it as if he’d met them before.

Then when they were in the zoo proper, Stewart said: “So! Where would you like to go first, Malcolm? Lions? Tigers? Reptile House? Insect House?”

“I’d like to go to the petting zoo, please.”

Stewart looked surprised – the petting zoo: wasn’t that a bit babyish? – but said: “OK!”

Stewart was even more surprised that, after they got there, Malcolm wanted to stay at the petting zoo for so long. But he did seem really happy, being able to stand right inside the pen and stroke all the animals in there.

Then Stewart checked his watch, and said: “Listen, Malc— Oh, sorry, Malcolm …”

“Malc is fine, Dad.”

“Is it?” said Jackie.

“Yes, Mum.”

“Well, anyway,” said his dad, “we want to go and see the … well, the chimps. I know you might not want to do that after the … the Monkey … you know …”

“Chimps are apes, not monkeys, Dad.”

“Are they?”

“Yes. And I’ll join you there in a bit.”

“Oh. OK. You sure?”

“Yep. Just make sure you – especially Bert – stand back a bit from the bars …”

Stewart nodded. “Right you are,” he said.

And they went. Malcolm watched them go. Then he looked around. No one else was in the petting zoo. Well. No other humans.

So even though there were a lot of other animals in there – and he wasn’t entirely sure if his ones were the ones he thought they were – Malcolm said:

“Ludwig. Mabel. Zsa-Zsa. Trotsky. Benny. Bjornita. Snowflake. Dolly. Dolly. Dolly. Listen. I can’t remember if all of you understand human, but I just wanted to say … firstly, I’ve told the keepers here where you’re from. They didn’t believe me at first, but then they rang the farm to check, and would you believe it, a cat, a dog, two pigs, a white horse, three sheep and a pair of tortoises were missing – so you’ll all soon be going back to Orwell Farm. Where I think you’ll be happier. And secondly, I just wanted to say … thank you. For bringing me back to my family. For saving me from my own cats. And just for teaching me how amazing animals are.”

Malcolm looked up. None of the animals seemed to be doing anything, or reacting. He felt a little sad about this. Maybe they didn’t understand human after all.

Or … maybe the whole thing hadn’t actually happened. Maybe he’d fallen asleep in front of the goat pen – or maybe even just on the bus back – and dreamt it all.

“Anyway,” he said, turning to go. “I love you all. I really love you all.”

As he said this, a cat, a dog, two pigs, a white horse, three sheep and a pair of tortoises emerged from all the other animals, and surrounded him, rubbing and stroking themselves against him.

Malcolm smiled, he really really smiled, as the cat purred, the dog wagged its tail, the pigs grunted happily, the horse neighed, and the sheep baa-ed.

Oh, and the tortoises made weird squeaky noises.

From quite far away.