Here is a series of vignettes attempting to answer that most difficult question, Why was George Washington a great man?
One day in the 1790’s word spread through the capital that George Washington was sick and tired of Thomas Jefferson’s constant bickering with Alexander Hamilton. That afternoon a man named J. Edgar Hoover was admitted to George Washington’s office.
“I have been keeping an eye on this Jefferson,” said the visitor, “and have here ye goods to justify giving him ye heave-ho from ye Cabinet.” He offered George Washington a dossier.
George Washington recoiled and asked what was in it. “Ye transcripts of Jefferson’s activities while wenching,” said Hoover, “as well as recordings of his dinner-table criticism of ye Government.” George Washington took the dossier and deposited it in his fireplace where it burned to ashes while he was having Hoover thrown into the street.
“It would have been unworthy of my office,” he told Martha Washington afterwards, “to do ye throwing myself.”
George Washington’s spelling was terrible. Everybody in the Government was laughing about it. “Ye President,” went the joke, “cannot chew gum and spell at ye same time.”
One day Alexander Hamilton suggested that he hire a ghost-speller, who would make sure that George Washington didn’t spell anything indiscreetly.
George Washington had Hamilton thrown out of his office with orders not to show his face there for a week. In his explanation to Hamilton, he wrote, “If I begin by hirring a gost to spel for me, I shall next higher gosts to rite my speches, and then gosts to do my thinkkeng, and then gosts to construck an immidge for me, and I shal end up with nuthing to do but travl around ye contry makynge foollish speches and eating chiken diners.”
Early in his Presidency George Washington was told that he should get out of the office and exercise more. James Madison urged him to take up golf and buy a summer house on Martha’s Vineyard, where he could go on summer weekends, and a winter house in South Carolina where he could go on winter weekends.
“One could be called Ye Summer White House and ye other Ye Winter White House, and you could pay for them by taking a loan from—”
George Washington had Madison thrown into the street before the sentence was completed.
All through his later years George Washington was afflicted with a nagging mother. She would go around Virginia telling neighbors that George Washington was a merciless tightwad who never came to visit his old mother and wouldn’t send her enough money to live on.
One day a man passionately devoted to George Washington came to see him. His name was Charles Colson. He had heard the stories told by George Washington’s mother and thought something should be done to shut the old lady up. George Washington recoiled. “For you,” Colson told him, “I would walk over your mother.”
George Washington had Colson thrown out of the country.
Tom Paine came to see George Washington about spreading freedom all over the world. Paine was particularly worried about Asia, which he feared would go monarchist unless George Washington committed the United States to stopping the spread of Royalism.
If that occurred, Paine warned, the free world would be outflanked by monarchism in both the Pacific and Atlantic. Paine proposed a vast intelligence agency to destabilize hostile governments, a standing army prepared to fight anywhere on earth, a highly mobile Secretary of State and—
George Washington interrupted to ask Paine if he was feeling well. “Never better,” Paine said. George Washington said, “In that case,” and had Paine thrown into the street.
George Washington, who was always angry with the press, was furious one morning when the papers reported that he intended to change his image and, for this purpose, had ordered a new shoulder-length wig. Martha, who was in the office, said, “Somebody has been leaking to ye press, and I will bet it is John Adams.”
George Washington said, well, there was nothing he could do about it. “Nonsense, George,” said Martha. “You are ye President—ye only President ye country has. You could create a Federal police force and have footpads trail this Adams to catch him while committing ye leaks.”
George Washington had Martha thrown out of his office.