NINA

May 2020, Benevolence Day Two

Paul had produced a delicious meal for dinner and everyone oohed and aahed before they tucked in. Appetites had increased after the day of physical labour, and the team agreed that the smorgasbord set out on trestle tables at the front of the lighthouse head-keeper’s historic cottage looked mouth-wateringly good.

Nina could imagine the old bricks Brian had been collecting laid here, creating the patio that Lis had sneered at. A place to sit when the weather was good, with perhaps a brick wall to one side, to offer more shelter when it wasn’t.

Elle was busy with her camera, taking candid shots of the gathering. The resulting media would be used by Island Heritage to promote the project with captions like: Volunteers enjoying island life during the pandemic! A satisfying end to a busy day!

Nina bit into her enchilada and tried not to moan. Some of the group were clustered together on deckchairs, chatting and laughing, already forming a bond. Paul and Arnie were talking in low voices, their expressions more serious, and Jude was standing with Lis beside him while she spoke, waving her hands around expressively. But he wasn’t listening to her; his gaze was fixed on Nina.

Was he remembering their romantic trip to Cape Bruny Lighthouse?

She managed not to spill anything, turning away as if to add more cheese to her tortilla. Seagulls screeched overhead, wanting to join in the feast, while the lighthouse looked solemnly on, the last of the light reflecting in the thick glass windows of the lantern room.

Being here with Jude hadn’t been something she’d contemplated when she was chosen to run this project. There was stress enough in knowing she was being watched by head office, in being aware of her own shortcomings and in the endless planning she had had to do before they’d even left for the island. But that was what she was good at, planning, fitting the pieces together to make a seamless whole. She put her head down and worked hard. The emotional stuff—the feelings, the pain in the pit of her stomach—that was the difficult part. Her medication was meant to help her get past that, and most days it did. She knew that any extra stress, anything that pulled her out of her routine, wasn’t good for her, but here, now, there was nothing she could do about it.

Get through it. Move forward.

She needed to talk to Lis, and she knew she couldn’t leave it too much longer, but she’d be damned if she did it while Jude was standing there listening. Ready to intervene for his childhood friend in a way he had never done for her.

Nina brought herself up short. That wasn’t fair, was it? He hadn’t intervened for her because she had never told him the truth. He had been desperate, that night he came to see her, begging for an explanation, tears in his eyes, wanting things to go back to the way they had been before. Only they couldn’t, and when she had told him coldly that she had changed her mind and it was over, his bewilderment had morphed to anger. He’d said she wasn’t the woman he had thought she was, that he’d been a fool, that Lis had been right about her. That she had just been using him until something better came along.

That had hurt. After he’d gone, slamming the door, she’d curled up in a ball on the sofa and wept until there were no more tears to cry. She’d known that was the end then and he would never come back. She had cut the ties between them with her cruelty and indifference, when inside her heart was broken in two.

No, she didn’t want to talk to Lis in front of him.

Instead, she went to chat with Neil, Gemma and Reynash, asking them questions about their studies and their hopes for future employment. Their idealism shone so brightly it made her feel tarnished and old. She had been like that once, but now she struggled to connect with that girl. It wasn’t just because she had become jaded and cynical. The Nina of ten years ago seemed like a different person, as if the two women were separated by a chasm that could never be bridged. The happy, confident Nina, the Nina who had been excited for her future, and the Nina she was now. Head down, working hard, hiding in plain sight.

Was Paul right? Was the only way forward to go back? To face the past and admit to it, to bring it out into the open? Yet that was impossible. Not just because she had been concealing the facts for so long, but because the reasons for her actions were still as relevant today as they had been then. Too many people would be hurt besides herself, and despite all she’d suffered, she couldn’t do it.

Nina set aside her meal, no longer hungry. She made herself a cup of Earl Grey, taking her time with it, being ‘present’ as she went through the process. While she was concentrating on the here and now, she could hold the past at bay. But of course it couldn’t last.

Brian sought her out. She didn’t realise at first that he was seeking her out, because some of the others joined them. He waited and fiddled with the cups, rearranging them, moving the teaspoons back and forth. He put a teabag in a mug, took it out again. When they were alone, he leaned in closer—she could smell sawdust and paint from his clothes and skin.

‘I’d like a word in private, if you don’t mind,’ he said in the sort of voice a policeman might use when he came to arrest you.

Her heart sank at his serious tone. What else could have gone wrong? At dinner, she had explained to them all about the satellite phone, playing it down, letting them think it was an accident. No one was inclined to take it too seriously, and they soon moved on to other subjects, and she was glad of that. The phone wasn’t working, yes, but she hoped it would not become an issue.

‘I don’t mind,’ she said.

‘Not here.’ He glanced around at the others, although no one was watching them. ‘Up at the lighthouse.’

Nina hesitated and then nodded. ‘All right. Let me finish my tea and I’ll meet you there.’

He agreed, and she watched him walk quickly away, out into the fading light. Nina caught Paul’s eyes over the heads of the others and his mouth kicked up in a faint smile. He ambled over to join her, Arnie following in his wake.

‘I’d say you’ve outdone yourself,’ she said. ‘But you’re always amazing.’

Paul snorted a laugh, while Arnie patted him on the back. ‘Super chef,’ he said fondly.

Nina cleared her throat to regain his attention. ‘I know I’m probably worrying about nothing, but with the phone not working … We do have enough supplies to last until the fourteen days are up?’

‘You are worrying about nothing. We have plenty. The freezer is stocked. We could hold out for a month if it became necessary. Tonight’s spread was special, to celebrate our first full day of work on the island, but it won’t always be like this. And if necessary, I can eke things out with rice and pasta.’

‘Us growing boys need our carbs,’ Arnie said, a teasing note in his voice. He was flirting and Paul was loving it. Nina left them to it.

It was time to find Brian and discover what was too hush-hush to discuss in front of the others.

The sky was transforming into all sorts of extraordinary colours as the sun went down behind her. Crimsons and oranges and golds reflected off the ocean surface, while the shadows of the cliffs stretched far out over the sea. The weather had been so perfect since they arrived that she couldn’t imagine how it must be in the midst of a gale. Pretty terrifying, she supposed. As she headed up to the lighthouse, she passed the graveyard. The flowers were still there, though looking a little worse for wear. She’d mentioned them casually tonight, but no one had admitted to laying them on a grave. Maybe whoever had done it felt self-conscious, and if that was the case then she could hardly force the issue. Or maybe it was a simple act of respect, to remember the dead. And what did it matter, anyway?

It was just … curious. She was curious.

Brian was waiting. He came to meet her as she neared the tower, the white surface seeming to reflect the fiery sunset. Brian’s face appeared even craggier in the shadows, and she could read the real worry in his eyes.

‘I think somebody is playing games with us,’ he blurted out as soon as she was close enough. He shook his head. ‘I thought about not saying anything, but … It feels wrong.’

Her stomach gave a lurch. ‘Do you mean the phone?’ she said. ‘Has Arnie spoken to you?’

‘No. Why?’ His heavy brows came down and his gaze drilled into hers.

A gust of wind moaned around the lighthouse and something loose rattled above, perhaps the railing on the balcony that encircled the lantern room. Suddenly, she felt exposed up here where anyone could see them and wonder what was so secret they could not discuss it at the campsite. It had been a mistake.

‘Let’s go down a bit,’ she said, and led the way back along the track to the cove, Brian following her with an impatient sigh.

From above the beach appeared empty, the tide on its way in, the cove peaceful and inviting. A picture postcard symbolising tranquillity and beauty. There was still plenty of light for them to see their way, and without speaking they began to descend together. There was railing to the side of some steeper parts of the track, probably to help those less spry than her team. On the way, Brian pointed out the sections that needed to be repaired. ‘Not safe to put your weight on this bit,’ he warned, giving the wood a good shake. Nina winced. ‘Everything rots eventually in the sea air. I’m actually surprised no one’s fallen through. I’ve told the others to be careful until we start repairs here. I want to finish the cottages first. There’s more to do than I thought, so …’

His voice droned on and Nina tuned him out. When they reached the beach, she took off her shoes and enjoyed the sensation of the sand squishing up between her toes. How long was it since she’d stood barefoot like this, with the salty air caressing her skin and the wash of the waves soothing her racing thoughts? She knew how long, and the disturbing realisation jolted her out of the moment.

She discovered that her heart was racing, her palms sweaty, and she thought she was going to have to make an excuse and leave him. He’d know there was something wrong with her, if he didn’t already, and she couldn’t let that happen. If she was at work, she could have locked herself in the bathroom, or pretended she had to run an errand just to get away from watching eyes, but here on the beach there was nowhere to hide. ‘Give me a minute,’ she muttered, then began walking to the edge of the water. She stood facing away from him and took deep breaths, steadying herself, and gradually the symptoms of an impending panic attack began to fade. Finally, she turned to him.

As she had suspected, Brian was standing a short distance from her, watching with a frown. He hadn’t taken off his shoes, she noticed, and he didn’t look particularly pleased with her. He’d make a complaint probably, when they returned to Hobart.

‘Sorry,’ she said with a feeble smile. ‘It’s been a long day.’

He jumped straight back into their previous conversation. ‘What did you mean about me talking to Arnie? What does he know about the tools?’

‘Tools?’ she repeated, puzzled. ‘No, I meant the satellite phone. When he looked at it earlier he wasn’t sure whether or not it had been a malfunction.’

‘You said just now that it was,’ he said, sounding accusing. ‘You told everyone there was nothing to worry about.’

‘Yes, I did. I thought it best not to speculate. Arnie did think it might have been deliberate, but he couldn’t say for certain. I didn’t want to put ideas in people’s heads.’

Brian stared at her in silence, the darkness falling rapidly so that now his features were barely visible, and she found herself blathering on nervously, unable to stop. ‘I mean, what possible reason could there be for anyone to do that? Destroy our best means of communication? It must have been a malfunction.’

‘Well, I have something else to add to that mystery.’ He sounded angry. ‘You know they keep some tools here on the island for any repairs that need doing when the caretaker is here?’

‘Yes, of course.’ She knew because after making extensive lists of the equipment they would need, she’d discovered a lot of it was already here. It had saved time and money. The equipment was stored in a shed to one side of the cottage.

‘We’ve been working on refitting the glass in the broken window. I needed some putty and went to get it before dinner so I could get straight to it tomorrow morning. While I was there, I remembered I needed a couple of other things. That was when I noticed that there were tools missing. A pick and a crowbar. A shovel. Probably more—I didn’t have time to make a list. At first I thought someone had removed them for work purposes, but when I asked no one would admit to it. I searched the cottages we’ve been working in, as well as the general area, but I couldn’t find the missing items.’

Nina stared back at him, at a loss.

‘I mean, they’re not imperative to the work we’re doing, we can make do, but it’s annoying. And worrying. Don’t you think?’

‘Yes.’ She tried to come up with a reason why this was happening, but her mind was blank. ‘You’re sure they were there in the first place? Perhaps whoever was staying on the island before lockdown took them or lost them or—’ Threw them into the sea.

‘I have an inventory made by the last person on the island. I checked over it. They were there when we arrived. Now they’re gone.’

‘You looked everywhere?’ She knew it was ridiculous to keep prodding at him, but what was she to say or think? It seemed an unimportant detail, and yet he was right. It was worrying.

‘As much as I was able. If someone hid them on the island somewhere … But I have to ask myself why.’

‘A joke?’

He didn’t even bother to answer that. ‘As I said, they could be on the island somewhere. And then there’s the lighthouse itself. Are they in there? I know it’s supposed to be locked up. A no-go zone. Do you have a key?’

She met his eyes, puzzled by his change in direction. ‘No.’

He huffed a sour laugh. ‘Well, Rawlins does. He was boasting about it yesterday. Plans to do some filming in there.’

Jude had the key to the lighthouse? She had been told that no one was allowed in there, because a few years ago there had been an accident; a visitor had fallen down the inside stairs and been badly injured. There had been an emergency evacuation, an expensive operation, and the cost had been borne by Island Heritage. Kyle wasn’t keen for a repeat, and so no one was to go inside under any circumstances. As Nina had not planned to do so, she hadn’t given it another thought. Until now.

Jude had the key. She was in charge and yet they had given the key to Jude without her knowledge. What did that say about her position as team leader, or the confidence Kyle had in her to do her job? She felt anger begin a slow burn inside her.

She needed to talk to Jude.

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Leave it with me for now, Brian.’

‘You do believe me?’ he demanded, and she wondered why he would think she doubted him.

‘Yes, I believe you.’

‘I’m not saying it’s anything sinister. Things go missing all the time on job sites. But here,’ he raised his arms as if to encompass their isolation. ‘We’re all supposed to be working for the good of Island Heritage, for the island. You heard them talking tonight, all those moral high grounds. Stealing tools just doesn’t seem to fit in with this lot. To be honest, I can’t understand it.’

Nina shivered and wrapped her arms about herself. Brian had inadvertently brought up something she hadn’t really wanted to consider. That there was someone else on the island. A stranger. Watching them, stealing from them.

‘It is worrying,’ she agreed, struggling to make her voice confident and soothing. ‘I’ll get to the bottom of it, Brian.’

He eyed her a moment more, as if wondering whether he could believe her, or trust her. Then he gave a hefty sigh and walked off towards the track. Nina watched him go before she turned back to the tide line. A wave washed up, covering her feet, the water icy cold, but she hardly noticed.

How was she going to uncover what was happening here? Speaking to Kyle wasn’t an option. Was there some connection between the missing tools and the broken phone? It seemed unlikely, and yet …

When the voice spoke behind her she gave a violent jump and spun around, only just saving herself from falling.

‘So, what do you think is going on?’

Jude. He couldn’t have crept up on her from the track, he would have run into Brian. He must have been here all along. Hidden by the deep shadows of the hillside, maybe lurking near the old boatshed by the jetty.

‘Did you have to frighten me like that?’ she demanded, her voice shaking. Her heart seemed to have lodged in her throat.

‘Sorry. I would have spoken up earlier, but Brian seemed wound up and I didn’t want to interrupt.’

‘Or you wanted to eavesdrop.’

‘That too.’ There was a smile in his voice, and it was so familiar. Here in the dark, she could almost pretend they were back at the beach house, the two of them as they used to be. The thought made her feel dizzy, untethered. She pushed it away.

‘You heard him. What do you think is happening?’ She crossed her arms. Another rogue wave washed up, this one soaking her to the knees. She stepped back. The tide was coming in fast and soon it would be too dark to see anything. She glanced towards the hilltop. The comforting glow of light from the cottages and the campsite seemed a long way away.

‘I don’t know,’ he said at last. ‘I suppose one of your volunteers could be playing silly games. Thinking it was funny or maybe they’d prefer not to work too hard. Although, Brian’s right when he says none of them seem the type.’

‘Unless it’s someone else.’ She said it before she could stop herself.

‘You mean someone on the island that we don’t know about?’ he asked curiously. ‘Why would you think that?’

He sounded interested, intrigued, and suddenly she wanted to tell him. She had to tell someone, and at least Jude wasn’t immediately embroiled with all of this. His connection with Island Heritage was recent, and he was not intimately involved with the team. Well, apart from Lis. He would have an outsider’s view.

‘There have been reports of a trespasser on the island. The last lot of caretakers saw someone, but they could never get close enough to bail them up. The person always ran away or hid. It upset them. They felt … unsafe.’

‘No one found out who it was?’

‘Not at the time. I’m supposed to follow up while we’re here, although I’m not sure how I’m going to do that.’

‘Look for litter?’ he said, and she wasn’t sure whether he was serious or mocking her. She ignored him.

‘I’m guessing that whoever it was must be long gone. You’d think. But what if they’re not? What if they’re still here on the island and they want us to leave?’

Putting the thought into words chilled her, and she moved further away from the rising tide, glancing once more at the lights above.

‘How did they get onto the island?’ Jude mused. ‘The only other anchorage, apart from the cove, is pretty unsafe. I’m talking about Birds Nest Island. Although, I suppose in this weather it would be okay. They could anchor there and use a dinghy to reach Benevolence. There are ways and means.’

‘That’s all very well, but the real question is why. Why come here in the first place?’

‘There is that.’

‘I’ll go over there tomorrow.’

‘No. Don’t.’ He said it quickly, a warning.

Surprised, she looked over at him, trying to read his face in the darkness.

‘I have something better,’ he said, and there was the sound of that smile again. ‘A drone. I brought it with me to take some aerial shots of the island for the television series. It runs a video camera with a link to my laptop. Real time. If there’s anyone here who shouldn’t be, then I can capture them on film.’

‘Of course you can.’ She knew she sounded snarky, but all the same Nina was relieved not to be wandering around the island where there was a possibility someone was hiding. Someone whose agenda was a mystery to them.

‘Jude?’

The call came from further up the track. It was Lis. She was peering down into the cove and couldn’t see them. Nina waited for Jude to respond, but he didn’t. After hesitating, Lis returned to the camp.

‘She asked to come and I agreed,’ he said. ‘I thought it would do her good. She’s been through a pretty tough time, recently.’

‘Lis always suffered a lot more than anyone else.’

‘You never liked her,’ Jude retorted.

‘She never liked me.’

He said nothing for a moment, and then headed towards the track. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Let’s get back.’ He took a torch out of his pocket and flicked it on, illuminating the rough ground.

Nina followed him, silent now, deep in thought. The drone was a good idea, and it would mean they could search more thoroughly and without putting anyone in danger. Because if there was someone else on the island, then they obviously didn’t want to be found.

By the time they reached the place where the track divided between the camp and the lighthouse, she was panting, her leg muscles aching. ‘There was something else. The lighthouse. Brian said you have the key.’ She sounded resentful and he noticed.

‘It was a last-minute thing. I asked to film in there and was granted permission.’

‘Right.’

‘You’re still the boss, Nina.’

She bit her lip to stop herself from snapping at him. ‘Wouldn’t the lighthouse be the perfect place for someone to hide?’ she said.

He paused, staring ahead, and then nodded in agreement. ‘We can look tomorrow,’ he said. ‘I don’t fancy stumbling around in there in the dark. I’m told it’s in dire need of repairs.’

Nina had planned to do just that, but even as she opened her mouth to argue, she knew he was right. Tomorrow would be soon enough to begin their search.

They began to separate. Jude needed to take the high track to get to his accommodation, and yet he had only taken one step when he stopped and turned around to face her. ‘Do you remember that time we went to the Bruny Lighthouse? I was thinking about it before. Strange that we’ve ended up together at another one.’

‘Tasmania is known for its lighthouses, and we both work for Island Heritage,’ she reminded him evenly. ‘Not really so strange.’

‘Well, it feels strange to me,’ he retorted. For a beat he was silent, and then he spoke again, awkwardly, not his usual self at all. ‘You know, just now we’ve spoken like normal human beings. For the first time in years. Does this mean you’ve called a truce?’

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. She could see him now in the glow of the torch he held down at his side. His expression was grave, his eyes fixed on her. Waiting.

‘What happened to you back then, Nina?’ he said at last.

When again she didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, he shook his head and walked away. Nina could only watch him. Above on the highest point of the island, the lighthouse was a dark needle. She stared up at it, wondering what she would do if she saw movement or a flicker of light. Put it down to a ghost? But when there was nothing, she made her way to bed.

As she climbed into her sleeping bag, she tried with all her might not to allow her thoughts to drift into the past. In her head she began to tick off her tasks for the following day, but even as she closed her eyes, she could feel herself slipping back to that time.