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Lucky thirteen, I thought. "A pleasure to see you, Mr. Robu. Please, come in. You and your party are welcome across our threshold."
I watched the vampire and his harem of twelve slink into the lobby. They moved like jungle cats. Jungle cats in leisure suits and satin dresses. He had a thick mustache and long sideburns. Some in his party had been turned. Some were merely held in thrall. I wondered how many of them had willingly bent their necks to this jerk and how many had accidentally caught his eye.
I was careful to keep my focus on the space between his sockets. Before today, I would have told you witches could not be hypnotized by the undead, but since John Doe put the whammy on me, I was rethinking my assumptions.
"Checking in?" I asked.
"I am here to claim my New Moon Sweepstakes prize," he replied, licking his lips at a waifish girl with thick lip-gloss and dark circles under her eyes.
"I see the 'master suite' has been prepared." I turned and grabbed the keys. "Right this way."
"Lovely dress..." one of the harem murmured.
I had chosen a pantsuit with a plunging décolletage and a full, split skirt of blood red. "Oh, this old thing?" I replied, smoothing the silk. "A little something for such honored guests."
"You're more than welcome to come party with us," invited the vampire.
I smiled at his generosity. "I'll get some refreshments and bring them right in."
He ran a long finger along my cheek. "I'll be waiting."
I opened the door and ushered them inside. There was a hot tub in the shape of a heart, a bed covered in scarlet sheets so no one could see the stains, and all the comforts a vampire might need.
"I'll be right back. Jump into the hot tub. I hear if you ask nice, the taps sometimes run red with positive and negative," I said with a wink.
I heard their laughter through the door as I left to get their refreshments. My stomach was in knots. I couldn't believe I was doing this.
Precious and Ajax were in the butler's pantry. Ajax had his new axe, just in case.
"How many of them?" asked Precious, jumping off the counter and organizing the tray so I could bring it with me.
"Thirteen," I said, gripping my waist. "Maybe four vampires, the rest were blood bags. I hope they're too anemic to put up much of a fight." I shook my head. "I also hope this is not a huge mistake."
"Your will is in order?" asked Ajax as he tied a thick choker around my neck that might give me a little bit of cover if one of the vampires broke through my defenses.
"Stop trying to make me feel better."
"Four vampires. You go through two a week..." mused Ajax. "That will give you two weeks of magic before we have to do this again. Maybe three if you're judicious. Just have to do this until your coven returns your powers."
"I'll just keep reminding myself of that," I said.
"And remember that they are really, really not nice vampires," said Precious as she placed thirteen silver knives under a stack of napkins. "They are eating witches right and left. You saw all those people they were holding in thrall. We were hired by that witch who came in after they ate her brother, so this is all legal. You take this guy out, crime on the Other Side will go down exponentially."
"IF I can take him down," I said, sliding the tray onto my arm.
"You sure you don't want us to come in with you?" asked Ajax.
I shook my head. "No need to entangle you if this all goes south. Want to make sure you're around to lay claim to my will if needed."
Ajax reached up and held my shoulder bracingly. "Death met with a warrior's heart opens the gates to the Eternal Hall of Mount Eronia, where you will be met with feasting and fornication, songs and celebration."
"Stop trying to make me want to lose," I said, giving him a wink and pushing open the door with my hip.
I stepped into the vampires' room, carefully balancing the bottle of champagne on the tray. The undead and their minions were in the pool, nothing but a writhing mass of bodies. I don't even know how there was room for water in there.
"You returned! Join us!" said Mr. Robu, inviting me over. I think he thought he had me in thrall. Idiot.
I set the tray on the dresser beside me. I turned and locked the door, dropping the key down my bosom.
"I suppose only one of us will be getting out tonight," he laughed. A trickle of blood already dripped from the corner of his mustache.
"Let the celebration begin!" I shook the green champagne bottle and then unscrewed the cap.
The foam sprayed into the hot tub as the vampires laughed and shrieked. And then their eyes began to change.
"That stings," said Mr. Robu.
"In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti!" I shouted as I sprayed the foam in a cross-like shape.
"You can't turn champagne into holy water!" he roared.
"I can if it is Perrier!" I replied. "The champagne of water!"
The skin on one of his followers began to boil. One leaped out of the tub and ran toward the bathroom, I assume to try and wash it off. But I caught him as he ran past and wiped my bracelet across one of his puss-filled boils. He screamed as the silver burned his skin.
It was all the juice I needed.
I pointed my finger at one of the candelabras and it came sailing across the room. It impaled itself into one of the women who was about to show off the sharpness of her new manicure to my heart. I picked up one of the silver knives and sunk it into the chest of bathroom boy with a little extra oomph from my stone. He collapsed to his knees and then fell forward onto the cool tile.
That was about all the lead time I got in my surprise attack. I reached for one of the silver knives, but knocked over the tray, scattering them on the ground.
"Darn it!" I swore.
I threw the bottle at one of the vampires as he launched out of the hot tub and hit him square in the junk.
"Cover yourself, sir! I am a lady!" I shouted.
Unfortunately, you can't kill a vampire by kicking them in the balls. They're undead, and whatever once filled their man purses is now nothing but a wad of dust bunnies. But the law of thermodynamics still applies on the Other Side, and the thrust of my throw knocked him off his path.
My Perrier of Power was causing the vampires to disintegrate, however. They were on the verge of turning into nothing more than carpet stains.
"YOU!" shouted Mr. Robu, crawling out of the hot tub, bits of him falling off. I was going to have to remember to scoop his goop before he clogged up the hot tub filter.
He and ball boy were on their feet. Growling, they flanked me on both sides. Slowly, we watched to see who was going to make the first move, both feinting in the hope of drawing my attention away so the other could make his move.
"You never should have picked this fight, witch," spat Mr. Robu.
The minions in thrall mumbled their agreement as, dripping, they slowly pulled themselves out of the hot tub and stumbled toward me. They weren't fast, but like zombies, they would be relentless.
"I'm not the one whose ding-a-ling just fell off after a good wash," I pointed out.
"It will regenerate bigger and stronger than ever."
"Is that what you tell yourself?" I tutted, backing up. My hand touched the silver platter. "Appears you're going to need a bunch of regenerations to get up to par."
I flung the platter at ball boy, putting some magic behind it. It sliced his head off like a samurai sword through a watermelon.
Unfortunately, that momentary attention split gave Mr. Robu the opportunity he needed to launch at me. I just had time to get my bracelet between my neck and his jaws as he knocked me to the ground.
He hissed with pain as he recoiled. I pointed my hand at the platter to send it over to decapitate Mr. Robu, but evidently battle ran through my magic faster than batteries in an AM radio.
"Oh, curse you to the Dark Dimension," I spat as the minions started kicking at me. Their movements knocked one of the silver knives my direction. I grabbed it and launched myself at Mr. Robu, landing square on his torso. He tried to push me away, but his hands were turning to jelly from the holy sparkling water.
It was like all the rage I had been holding on to for the past seven months suddenly came roaring out. All of the powerlessness after killing that vampire. The flashing memories of the attack. The nights of guilt and fret and worry. The weeping wound from being told I was wrong to have protected myself, and the poison of being punished for it.
This was payback.
This was personal.
I plunged the knife through his heart.
And I liked it.
He gasped in shock and horror.
I brushed back my hair with the back of my hand. "Sometimes when you want something done, you just have to do it yourself."
The people held in thrall, put there to serve as blood bags for these bloodsuckers suddenly began to wake. They looked around as if they couldn't remember how they got here or where all their clothing went.
I pulled myself off the corpse, trying to act like I was still in control and not ready to collapse. "It's going to be okay," I soothed, throwing sheets and bed coverings at them to wrap themselves in. My legs were starting to shake.
I heard the lock in the door unlatch and the door slowly opened. Ajax and Precious surveyed the damage.
Precious gave a squeal of delight. "He's dead! You did it!" She held up the jars to scoop up the vampire bits like she was coming to a party bearing margaritas. "You slayed them!"
I gave an exhausted laugh, surveying the wreckage. The adrenaline was starting to fade. "Oh, this here is what I think we call a passion project."
Ajax let out a little harrumph. I turned to him, ready to defend the damage, but instead the dwarf nodded and said, "Good work."