Exeter
Lavinia sat up in the cab when the carved wooden plaque for Salep Hill Cottage came into view. Nostalgia prickled her skin to gooseflesh once the carriage pulled up the drive. It was late afternoon. Smoke puffed out of the chimney of the stone house and a dim light danced on the curtains of the front room, a homey appeal not seen since the days she and her husband sought respite there from London’s chaos.
She chuckled to herself. Nowadays she thrived on the chaos of London. The refuge at Exeter was reserved for others.
She thanked and paid the driver, asking him to please just leave the bags at the front door, then waited on the entry path as he drove away. She had the key in her purse but she would not need it. The door would be unlocked and the occupant waiting for her.
She entered, closed the door quietly, left her bags in the small foyer under the man’s topcoat hanging on a peg, and tiptoed into the front parlor. The couch had been moved before the hearth, the hearth had been laid with a roaring fire. The room was cozy, like it used to be.
“Good afternoon, Julius.”
He peered over the edge of the sofa. “I knew you’d come.” He reclined comfortably, his hands behind his head, his waistcoat and the first few buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, his shoes side-by-side on the rug.
“Did Mrs. Dinsdale let you in?”
“I still have my key but I rang first. Your housekeeper was surprised to see me.”
Lavinia took off her coat and hat, placed them on a chair then went to stand before the couch, the heat of the fire at her back.
“It’s been a long time since you sent a note like that. I thought I should come.”
He slid his feet to the floor then rubbed the cushion next to him. “Sit.”
She sat, not precisely where he indicated, more toward the opposite corner. Whatever this was all about it was best to maintain a distance.
He took her lead and shifted deeper into his corner. “Thank you for coming.”
There was a melancholia to his words, a wistful distance she had never heard before. Julius was the last man to be sentimental. But here he was, suddenly expressing a hint of an emotion she had longed for over the course of twenty years.
“I thought it best to meet here. I feel—” He glanced around the room. “At home in this place.”
They had both felt as such once upon a time. “I’m surprised you still had the key, Julius.”
The lines of age melted around his eyes. “Of course I do, Vinny.”
He hadn’t called her that in years. “Perhaps I should feel flattered.”
He chuckled. “It is I, rather, who should be flattered that a woman of incomparable beauty and refinement should deign respond to my plea.” His voice held sincerity not seduction.
“Plea? I rather thought it was a directive.”
“No,” he said, elbows on his knees. “A plea.” He turned his face to her, his blue eyes glinting with remorse. “For forgiveness.”
Her lungs tightened. She stared at him, disbelieving yet comprehending.
He stood to pace before the fire. “Vinny, what I did to you was egregious. I wish I could apologize. But words can never be enough.” He looked askance then returned her gaze, his veneer of hauteur cracked, his usual self-confidence replaced by uncharacteristic humility. “I’ve come before you to beg for your forgiveness. I understand if you cannot give it but I need you to at least listen to me.”
A sob choked her throat. She stared into the fire until her eyes burned from the heat. Anger and curiosity froze her to her spot on the couch. “I’ve tried so hard to forget what you did.” The tears were uncontrollable.
He was beside her in an instant. “I know.” He placed his hands on her shoulders, gingerly at first, but she did not shrug him off. He wrapped his arms around her. “I was a brute. I was self-absorbed, proud, driven by greed. I foolishly thought such entanglements would hold me back in my career.” He nestled his face in the hollow of her shoulder. “I realize now what a fool I was. The irony of course is that you have furthered so many in their careers since.” He sucked in a tremulous breath. “But mostly I regret having lost the love of my life.”
Irritation ruffled her nape. “How can you say that? You never truly loved me.” But her attempt to shake him off was weak. His arms were warm and comforting. She always gave in to him too readily.
“But I did. Desperately, really, and it took quite a bit of self-control to tamp it down. Yet I failed. Instead, I turned my love for you into something horrible.”
Something horrible indeed. Vicious, raw sexuality fueled by self-gratification and ambition without a thought for mutual desire.
“We’ve never talked about it,” he said softly. “I shut you out because I did not want to feel what I was feeling. I thought if I were cruel to you I would no longer feel. I was so wrong. So utterly wrong.”
He released her and retreated to his corner of the couch. Under his watchful gaze she unlaced her shoes and slipped them off. He drew her alongside, tucking her under his arm, she folding her feet under her. It was how they used to sit together all those years ago.
“I told myself I couldn’t have the burden of an affair so early in my career, especially with a married woman with whom I was dangerously in love. Then in a fit of remorse I convinced myself I could not be a dedicated lover to you, that you deserved more than what I could give, that I would try to convince you of the same.” He swirled intricate patterns with the tips of his fingers along her arm.
She relaxed farther against his chest.
“And then you told me you were pregnant with my child.” He drew in a juddering breath, the depth of his emotion reverberating in her ear. “My God, Vinny, I don’t know what got into me. I did the most brutal thing a man can do. I murdered my own child.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “Jules, don’t say it like that.” Her tears dampened his shirt.
“But it’s true. The child was a wanted child. Had you come to me and said you did not want it I would have obliged without scruples. But you were overjoyed. I was terrified. Richard and I didn’t look a whit like each other. People already had suspicions about you and me, knew about Richard’s infertility with his first wife. There would have been talk. I told myself all of that and more back then.” He drew her to him. “I deeply regret what I did. You never became pregnant again.”
“No…I was careful.” And probably incapable after the incident.
“But you wanted a child.”
“I did, especially after Richard died and I was alone, without purpose. I eventually found purpose in my life. I’ve accepted my fate and truly have grown accustomed to it. There is an immense freedom.”
“It pains me, knowing Richard died only three years later. We could have been married and raised a family. I would have been content.” He smoothed her hair. “But I was not ready. I was a fool. I don’t want to be that man again.”
Something had happened. “Julius, why are you telling me this?”
He chuckled. “Of course a man does not have a change of conscience and heart in a vacuum.” He gave her shoulders a little squeeze. “I’m in love.”
She looked up at him. He smiled down at her.
He chuckled again. “There I’ve said it out loud.” He exhaled a sigh.
“Who is the lucky woman?”
“Grace Danby.”
That was unexpected. “Your assistant?”
“The very same. She’s remarkable. She knows me, Vinny. Really understands me. She’s seen a lot of pain and brutality in her world. She’s been able to see right through mine.”
He grinned, a sight so rare and wonderful. It made him more handsome, as if that were possible. Julius Christopher was truly in love.
Was she jealous? No. She was happy for him. Julius loving another woman would finally sever the fatiguing hold he had over her. She could move forward with an unburdened heart.
“I would not, could not possibly understand what I am feeling is love without having had the experience of you. My body, my mind remembered the emotion.” He shifted to hold her more closely. “Vinny, Grace is carrying my child. I’m utterly petrified but I want this child. I want to be a father. A good father. I want to make up for what I did in the past.”
Tears wet her lashes, from joy or regret she was not sure. “I will forgive you, Julius, if you make good on that. But don’t spoil the child. It won’t do any good if you try to make up for your sins by overindulging.”
He kissed her hair. “Ah no, of course not. I see children almost every day in my office. They behave best with a little discipline.”
She laughed softly, nestling deeper into his warmth.
“I’m going to ask Grace to marry me. Twenty years ago the idea was repugnant. Now I know in my heart it is what I want. But I need your blessing. I won’t go through with this unless you allow it. I owe you that much.”
“You’ll go through with it regardless of what I think, darling.”
“No, believe me I won’t. If you still hate me so much you want me to be punished by denying me any shred of happiness, I would understand.”
She looked up at him. “I want you to atone for your sin with love. By being a loving husband. And by being the best damn father in the world.”
He quirked a brow. “Even better than Nicholas Atherley?”
She laughed. “You should aspire to be so kind and caring.”
Their eyes met, the spark of familiarity drawing their faces closer until his mouth met hers. His kiss was tender, so unlike the last time they were together when anger boiled within. Now it was heartache, sorrow, regret, and love.
He broke from the kiss, his eyes gentle. “Let me make love to you, Vinny. One last time.”
“Yes, Jules.” It was inevitable.
* * * * *
Julius held out his hand and Lavinia took it willingly, letting him lead her into the bedroom, a place that held so many memories.
She let him undress her, submitting to him like she used to, until she was naked and vulnerable before him. And still so beautiful. He trailed kisses down her neck, her breasts, her belly, kneeling to kiss the hair of her mons. He tangled his tongue in the wiry strands, seeking her surrender, finding it in the sticky wetness dripping for his delectation.
He looked up to see her smiling.
“Are you going to stay dressed and on your knees, darling?”
He rose. “No.” He cupped her cheek and gazed into the depths of her amber eyes.
She gave a quick kiss to his palm before clambering onto the bed. She propped herself up with pillows, laying the covers neatly over her lap. “I’ll watch.”
A slight discomfiture descended as he disrobed. He had vigorously maintained an athletic physique over the years. She would think him vain without knowing he had done it for her, for the occasional moments when he would find himself in her arms. Was his future to be flabby and feeble from living a comfortable life with Grace?
It did not matter. For at that moment, Lavinia was ogling him with lascivious intent, licking her lips as her gaze dipped to his bobbing erection.
“You’re looking very fine for a man almost fifty, Jules.”
“Worthy of being in your arms, Vinny?”
She laughed and held out her hands for him to join her. Just the chance to hold her naked body against his would be enough.
Almost.
He scrambled under the covers, grappling her, tickling her, rollicking in her arms, until he stretched on top of her, panting. He urged her legs apart to lie between her thighs, keeping himself propped up on his elbows to see the glow of arousal on her face.
She traced a finger around his beard. “The last time we were in this position you were rather cruel. I like the changed man.”
“I was angry at you. You dashed my plans.” He slid his cock between her slick sex.
“You should be glad I did.”
“Perhaps.” He prodded her entrance.
She shifted to allow him access.
“It would be exhilarating to dominate you in such a manner again,” he said.
“I always let you have your way.”
He grabbed her arms, positioning them over her head, crushing them into the pillow until she squeaked in protest.
“You do.” He entered her, groaning at the welcoming wet heat.
She curved against the mattress, heaving her ample bosom to him. He bent over, sucking one piqued nipple, then the other, wishing he could taunt both at the same time. He moved slowly, savoring her body.
“Do you remember Penzance?” he murmured.
“Jules, darling,” she breathed. “I’ll never forget.” She tightened around him.
Desire pierced his core. “The rock on the beach at midnight.”
Memories lit her eyes. “I would swear it was the night we conceived our child.”
He would swear that too.
Her hips rocked languidly.
He increased his rhythm. “I almost told you I loved you that night, but pride held me back.”
She tilted, the sign she wanted him to deepen his thrusts. He dipped his head and met her lips, melding his mouth with hers as their bodies joined more intimately below. She opened for him, as she always had, her emotions and desires exposed.
And for the first time he opened himself to her. He pulled back from the kiss. “If I could go back, relive that moment, I would change so many things.”
Tears wet her lashes then dripped down the sides of her face.
He broke contact, sliding behind her, pulling her close, his cock cradled comfortably between the cheeks of her buttocks. He reached around to stroke her clit.
She moaned his name as she melted against his tender caresses.
“We watched the moon over the ocean, the waves crash on the shore.” The pulse point of her neck was hot under his tongue.
She turned slightly to flatten against the mattress and gaze up at him. “You silenced my cries of pleasure.” She grabbed his cock and positioned it at her sex.
He pushed in. “I won’t silence you now, Vinny.” He worked her clit mercilessly. “Let go.”
Her expression slackened to satiation. Her cunt gripped and pulsed around him, mirroring the rise and fall of her gasping cries.
He pressed harder. “More.” He kept his pace slow, caring not for his own pleasure, wanting hers alone. Wanting her to shatter in his arms, to shatter the memories of what he had done.
She closed her eyes with a sigh and a smile, purring approbations, until her breath hitched and she came, her clenching strength almost his undoing. She looked up at him, confusion clouding her expression. “Julius?”
And that’s when he felt his presence.
Who the man was he had no idea. But she loved another. She could move forward, as well.
He curved his palm around her cheek. “It’s me. I’m here.” It was his moment and he would make her remember it. He clamped down on her clit, working it zealously.
She bucked up with a yelp. “It’s too sensitive!” she squealed, writhing beneath him. “Jules,” she pleaded, “fuck me. I just need you to fuck me.”
He lifted her leg, twisting under it until he was between her thighs again. “Vinny—”
She hooked her calf over his butt, the signal she had prepared for their union.
He kissed her tenderly in gratitude and warning. And then he slammed inside her, wanting, needing to destroy the villain within, to free the new man.
“Let go, Julius.”
Her countenance softened and for a fleeting moment became another, equally familiar. But this was Lavinia, the woman he owed everything to, who despised him, who loved him, who changed him. This was the last chance for gratitude.
And the last chance to command her luscious body.
He grabbed her arms, gripping her thumbs harshly in one hand, grinding them into the pillow above her head. He drove into her relentlessly, each plunge to the root of his cock, to the depths of her sex, her body yielding, flailing under his power, his rutting strength from passion and desire not vengeance and villainy.
With a barking cry, he jerked against her, emptying himself, releasing the horror of the past.
Utterly spent, he slipped to her side and held her, kissing her cheeks as he calmed from his sensual exertion. “Thank you, Vinny.”
She wriggled in his arms. “It was a good last time.”
He pecked her lips. “It was.” He brushed a stray tendril from her face. “Who is he, darling?”
She blushed. “An earl. Our hearts want to be together. Politically it’s complicated.”
“Ah. If your heart knows what it wants, it will find a way.”
She laughed softly. “Love has made you wiser.”
He hugged her a little more tightly. “It has.”
“Are you staying the night?” She nuzzled against him.
“I am.” Grace knew to expect him the next day.
“Good. Then we can have one more last time in the morning.”
He drifted off to sleep in her arms, for the first time in decades his dreams not disquieting.
* * * * *
Lavinia stretched her arm out under the covers to rouse the man at her side, finding not warm male flesh but a pocket of cool air between the sheets.
Julius had left early. There would be no morning sex.
She sighed then laughed. She should be disappointed. Instead she was happy for him.
She rose and put on her dressing robe. A cup of tea before a warm fire would help her organize her thoughts.
She poked her head into the kitchen. Mrs. Dinsdale clattered busily, humming to herself, then flushed when she saw Lavinia.
“Oh, my lady! I hope I did not wake you?”
“No, Mrs. Dinsdale. I’ll take my tea in the parlor.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Lavinia relaxed on the sofa, the sofa where she and Julius had made love dozens of times before. She smiled. From what Nicholas had told her, he had made love to Helena on that very same sofa on their honeymoon.
Mrs. Dinsdale came in with the tea things. “My lady.” She placed the tray on the end table. Lavinia watched as she poured, almost not registering the unexpected object lying on the tray.
A key with a red ribbon.
“Your Dr. Christopher left his key, my lady.”
He would never need it again.
“Thank you, Mrs. Dinsdale.”
Lavinia drew in a deep breath then exhaled as the weight lifted from her shoulders.
Her heart was ready for something new.