Gabe

Nothing helped.

I threw myself into the mountain of paperwork that came with charging a suspect. I went for a walk and considered buying a Twix to share with Juliet, but thought better of it.

My last-ditch attempt to calm my frothing thoughts was splashing water over my face. It helped after my initial reaction to dead bodies. Apparently, it was no use after finding out someone I would have bet wasn’t a killer turned out to be a cold-hearted murderer.

I scrubbed a paper towel over my face and abandoned any attempt to make my hair look like it hadn’t started the day by being stuffed under a beanie. Pressing my hands to my cheeks, I stared into my bloodshot eyes in the mirror bolted above the sink.

‘Get it together.’

There was work I needed to put my head down and do. I had to be helpful, especially as my bad judgement led us away from the killer. It wasn’t Karl’s plans that led me astray. My inability to separate my past from the present was the real problem.

I made my way back to the office, only to stumble to a halt in the doorway. ‘What are you doing?’

Juliet spun around, lime green wool tangled in her hands. ‘Taking down the wall.’

I pressed my face into my palms to block out her quizzical look. ‘Can I have a moment?’

Juliet bundled the wool around one hand and chucked the misshapen ball into the basket with the others. I took her place in front of the wall. I stepped so close that Melanie’s smiling selfie filled my vision.

‘He didn’t know her.’

This was the other, much louder, thing I couldn’t get out of my head. Most killers felt guilt and remorse about their victims, no matter how selfish or shallow they were. Karl hadn’t betrayed any such feeling. He was only interested in Melanie’s death so far as it benefitted his plan. He’d confessed because he couldn’t cause any more disruption to Dunlow’s life, knew revealing the truth was the most damaging thing he could do. He didn’t care about his victim, felt nothing about cutting her life short.

Melanie’s smile was wide in the selfie, her eyes shining with joy. The investigation to find my brother used a similar beaming picture. Not for the first time, I wondered how Barnabas’s killer felt about my brother’s death. It was likely he didn’t care at all. He’d needed a victim, and either of us would do. He’d gone on to kill since, so he hadn’t felt life-changing remorse about what he’d done.

I couldn’t remember the bad man’s eyes. I didn’t know if I ever fully looked him in the face or if fractured memory had cloaked his features in shadow. I thought they might look like Karl’s. Cold. Unfeeling.

I started when a hand brushed between my shoulder blades. I hadn’t noticed Juliet’s approach.

‘Try not to let him affect you,’ she said, her voice uncharacteristically gentle. ‘We got him.’

I backed away from the wall and slumped into my chair. ‘No thanks to me.’

‘This again?’ Juliet rolled her eyes as she turned to the wall. ‘I’m only going to tell you one more time; you did great work on this case.’

I raised my eyebrows at the back of her head. ‘I did? I feel like I flailed about in the dark most of the time.’

‘You did that too.’ Juliet unpinned various pictures of Melanie from the corkboard and placed them in a folder on her desk. ‘That was more to do with the case itself. You conducted yourself well despite trying circumstances. You coaxed witnesses into talking and pursued all lines of enquiry vigorously.’ She started unpinning Leo’s section. ‘You’re coming into your own.’

A plume of warmth opened inside my chest. ‘Thanks, Juliet. That means a lot.’ My eyes caught on Karl’s graduation photo, and the heat dimmed. ‘I didn’t want it to be him.’

‘I know.’ Juliet placed Leo’s information in the file.

‘I’m gutted it was,’ I went on, wanting to purge this with someone I was certain would have read my file as soon as we started working together. ‘I thought Karl was like me, that he had a sad history. I didn’t think that made him a murderer.’ I bit my lip. ‘I let my past get in the way of seeing him clearly.’

‘He hid his true self pretty damn well.’ Juliet unpinned the mass of evidence around Dunlow. ‘It’s hard not to be informed by our experiences.’

‘You’re not,’ I retorted.

Juliet paused, her back to me. ‘I didn’t want it to be Jordan.’

‘What?’ I’d noticed Juliet was affected by Jordan’s home situation but didn’t think much of it.

Juliet continued staring at the wall. ‘I was reluctant to pursue Jordan as a suspect.’

She heaved with a sigh before she turned around. Juliet was saying this because she didn’t want me to be too down on myself. She didn’t want me to blame myself for letting my history intrude. She was being kind.

I didn’t want to repay that kindness by prying, but she’d not wanted to chase down Jordan because of how his experiences echoed her own.

‘Juliet, if there’s ever anything you want to talk about—’

‘There isn’t.’

She spun to face the wall. Her hands were steady as she took down Terence’s section. Benedict Hogan’s belated call had finally exonerated him.

‘Afternoon.’

I swung around in my chair. Angela stood in the doorway, her eyes roving between Juliet and the half-dismantled wall.

‘Afternoon, ma’am,’ I said, temporarily banishing my curiosity about Juliet’s home life. It was like one of the post-its I’d stuck to the wall. I didn’t have the answers yet, but I’d search for them.

‘I looked over the paperwork for this case,’ Angela said, while Juliet continued unpinning evidence. ‘It looks robust. Good work.’

The ember Juliet had ignited with her praise glowed. ‘Thank you, ma’am.’

‘A call came through earlier.’ Angela tucked her thumbs into her belt loops. ‘A possible human-trafficking ring has been uncovered. The scene is a mess, so no need to rush down there. Forensics aren’t going to let you into the building, and all the women are being processed and assigned translators. Paul is overseeing it for now, but he’ll need help. Tidy this up, take the rest of the day to tie up loose ends, and I want you on the new case in the morning.’

Juliet deposited Jordan’s information into the file. I nodded at our superintendent. ‘We’re on it, ma’am.’

Angela eyed Juliet before turning on her heel and marching out of our office. I jostled my mouse, my screen flashing blearily to life.

‘It’s never ending, is it?’ This job allowed no time to dwell on my failings. I’d take what I’d learnt on this case and apply it to the next. Other people needed my help, and I couldn’t give it to them if I was punishing myself for past mistakes.

If Juliet said I’d done a good job, then maybe I had. She wouldn’t lie.

Juliet hadn’t moved when I looked up after typing in my password. Her blonde hair formed screens either side of her face.

‘It never is, is it?’ she murmured.

My forehead crinkled. Normally, Juliet relished a new case coming in, especially on the heels of a closed one.

She grabbed her phone from her desk. ‘I need to make a call.’

I didn’t have time to do more than open my mouth uselessly before she was gone.

Abandoning my awakened computer, I stood and took down the last of the evidence. Juliet had rushed out before unpinning Karl’s section. I couldn’t work with him watching me.

The wall cleared, I flipped the file shut and placed my hand on the rough card. I’d use today to tie up loose ends, both physical and mental, and I’d launch into the new case tomorrow. I’d leave my history behind and trust the evidence more than whatever my gut tried to tell me.

I glanced out of the door before heading back to my seat. Juliet was nowhere to be seen.