“Susan! Is that you?”
Sitting on the seawall facing the ocean, Susan turned to see Julian saunter across the boardwalk. She gave him a questioning glance. “Hi.”
“You look like a new woman! I almost didn’t recognize you.”
She grinned. A week ago, before the haircut, he waved to her as he drove away. They hadn’t seen each other since then.
He tilted his head this way and that, eyeing her from every angle. “New hairstyle. New clothing style. Very nice. Very nice indeed.”
“Thank you.”
“Not to say your appearance was ever disagreeable.”
A flush warmed her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Susan. Your husband would not be pleased with the forward neighbor. I apologize for causing you discomfort.”
“Oh, it’s not that! On the contrary, you have a gift for making me feel safe.” She pressed her hands against her cheeks. “I’m just turning pink because I’m delighted someone would notice.”
Smiling, he crossed his arms and slid sideways onto the wall. “Actually, I think it’s something beyond the physical changes that has captured my attention. There seems to be an inner glow emanating from you. Hmm. Might I deduce the sabbatical is working?”
She laughed and nodded. “Yes, I think you might deduce such a thing. I believe that’s exactly what’s happening.”
“Marvelous. What do you credit? The time away from your ordinary world?”
“Yes, and other things. There’s Faith’s house dripping with peace and joy. Friends and their prayers and laughter. We had a baby shower here, and last night I hosted a slumber party. You’ll never guess who came. Well, besides my sister-in-law, Natalie.”
“Who?”
“Kenzie and the boy’s mother!”
He widened his eyes behind the glasses in an exaggerated way. “No!”
“Yes!”
He laughed with her. “That’s wonderful.”
“It is.” She basked in the shared moment. “So much has happened. Have you been gone? I haven’t seen you for a while.”
“Yes. I’ve been in Florida visiting my son and his wife.” He pulled at his jaw a few times, and then a broad grin broke out. “And my very first grandchild. A boy. I was right there when he was born. Well, right there in the next room.”
“Julian! You’re a grandfather! Congratulations!”
“Thank you.” His face almost could not contain the smile. “I must say, there is nothing to compare it to. It’s quite indescribable. You will love it, Susan, in spite of the difficult circumstances your family is in at the moment.” He grew somber. “I may have told you or Natalie about my divorce many years ago. Naturally, that was the main reason I fiddled with the bullet in my pocket.”
She nodded. She knew the story of how his business consumed him and his wife left, how she remarried out east and another man raised Julian’s children. Only in recent years had his grown children begun to reconnect with him.
“And now,” he said, “I was invited for the birth. Imagine that! It’s a second chance to love a wee one in the right way.”
She blinked back tears.
“Susan, I guarantee Drake will see life differently when he holds that baby. Just never, never give up on him.”
Alone again in the beach house, Susan sat in her favorite spot by the window, cell phone in hand, Pugsy snoring on her lap. Julian’s words echoed in her mind. Just never, never give up on him. They kindled a flame of hope.
“But, Lord, it’s so hard to take another first step toward him!”
She reminded herself of last night’s laughter and smiled. In the midst of silliness, the women had related on a level deeper than she thought possible. Kenzie, Natalie, and Pepper—all three of them—had mellowed almost beyond recognition. They insisted, however, that if it came to a vote, she won first prize for the most unrecognizable.
She agreed. She pinched her arm now in an effort to convince herself she wasn’t dreaming. Positive developments nearly eclipsed all the shadows on her horizon. Communication lines with her daughter and Aidan’s mother were wide open. The Martha Mavens hovered about her like guardian angels. She—shy little Susie Anderson—was on the same prayer wavelength as Mildred, the prayer warrior of all prayer warriors. A big soft spot in her heart enveloped the formerly intimidating Tess Harmon. Susan felt like a joyful bird who couldn’t stop singing. What more could she want?
Besides reconciliation with Drake.
Even in her atypically weepy state, Natalie had taken issue with Susan’s desire to call him. “Let God have His way with him,” she said.
Susan replied, “You sound like Drake condemning Kenzie. ‘Let her suffer the consequences, then she’ll turn back to God.’”
Natalie cricked her neck, twisting her head in that way of hers while she considered how much opinion to verbalize and how much to hold back. “It’s close, but not the same thing.”
“Kenzie came back after I contacted her. After I expressed as best I could my unconditional love for her. How can I not offer Drake the same thing?”
Natalie had shrugged, but tears glistened in her eyes.
Just never, never give up on him.
Susan opened her phone and pressed Drake’s cell number.
“Susan.” Drake answered his phone on the first ring by saying her name.
Susan’s chest felt the same way it did when she heard Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus.” What did one do with such joy except sing?
She restrained herself and only whispered in her heart a prayer of thanks. Drake recognized her number on his caller ID! He evidently had the phone at his fingertips! Was he eager to hear from her?
“Drake. Hi.” A nervous giggle escaped.
“Hi.”
“I…I was just wondering how you are.”
No reply.
“Drake?”
“I’m here. I’m…well, I guess you could say I’m not myself. Which, according to some people, might be a good thing.” He heaved a sigh. “I didn’t mean for you not to come home.”
“I know.”
“Or for your friends not to come to church.” There was no hint of condescension in his tone.
“I know. And that has nothing to do with why they’re planning—But how are you?” She didn’t want to talk about the other thing yet. “Are you eating and sleeping?”
“More or less. How are you?”
“I’m doing really well.” She recalled Julian’s description; it said it best. “The sabbatical is working.”
She heard his sharp intake of breath.
Withholding a quick reply to downplay how great she felt—she didn’t want to sound calloused to his depressed state—Susan placed a hand at her chest and prompted herself. No more straitjacket. No more binding myself.
He had to hear the truth about her as well as things about his daughter. The tension drained away.
She said, “Kenzie spent last night with me. We got along fine. Probably the best we have in years.”
“Hmm.”
“She’s working at a coffee shop. She’s been to a doctor. The baby’s heartbeat is strong and regular. She’s healthy. The band is scheduled to record a CD. Aidan keeps busy writing music. And they have quite a number of engagements scheduled, weddings and parties. Sometimes the guys play in clubs. Not Kenzie, of course, since she’s not old enough.” Whew. She’d told him everything, even the part about bars. “So I guess that’s all her news.”
“Hmm.”
She didn’t let his lack of enthusiasm dismay her. At least he gave a response. At least he was listening. She went on.
“I called to see how you are. I miss you.”
“Will you come home?”
“I will when…um, I just…I just need to feel comfortable about you and Kenzie. I need to know that when I call her or go see her or when she comes to the house, you’ll be all right. You won’t condemn our relationship or…or send us away.”
“What about Friday night?”
His subject change eluded her. “What do you mean?”
“Your friends’ antics.”
“My friends—? Oh.” The boycott. “Drake, I’m sorry it looks like antics, like they’re choosing sides. They simply want to show their concern for all of us. They believe it was the only way to get your attention.”
“Well, they were right about that. It got my attention all right. No doubt whatsoever.”
“It’s understandable if you’re furious, but I hope you’ll see their love in what—”
“I was furious at first.” He paused. “Now I’m confused and hurt.”
She ignored the hint of a sulky tone. “Of course. The thing is, they want us back together again. All five of us.”
“Five?”
“Five.” She waited for him to catch her drift.
It took a moment. “We do not have five people in this family. Kenzie broke us apart. Does your little clique really believe that because they won’t be in church Friday night I’ll change my mind about our prodigal? Reverse my teaching on letting children suffer consequences?”
“Yes.”
“Susan, that is not going to happen.”
“Oh!” She didn’t hide her instantaneous frustration. “You’re as pigheaded as she is! Would what you’re doing to Kenzie have worked with you back when we were unwed and pregnant? If you’d been kicked out of seminary, what would you have done?”
“It’s a moot point. We got married.”
“And didn’t have the baby. But if the school found out about us, neither of those would have mattered. It was written in black-and-white right there in the rule book. Intimacy before marriage meant no degree, no support from that institution.” Susan felt lightheaded, as if her brain were cut off from oxygen. She couldn’t think about what she said; the words shot straight out from her heart. “We lied, Drake. We lied. At least Kenzie’s not hypocritical. Not letting her come home is condemning her to a death in the same way you would have been condemned to a death. Getting kicked out of that school would have ruined your life. Your rejection of Kenzie cuts a hole so deep in her heart it will never go away.”
She ran out of words.
Drake did not respond for a few seconds. “Susan, I don’t know you anymore. You’re like a stranger.”
“Then let me introduce myself.” Evidently she had more things to say. “I’m Susan Starr and I just discovered Jesus likes me. As a matter of fact, He’s crazy about me. Even when I’m not perfect. I believe He wants me to live accordingly.”
Drake didn’t reply.
“Does that make sense to you?”
“I have to think about it. I met with a few deacons earlier.”
She knew he studiously avoided naming names. He didn’t want her image of his board members tainted.
His next words came as no surprise. “They back my position a hundred percent.”
Her shoulders sagged, and she didn’t bother to ask which exact details he’d told them that they would support.
“In the interest of all fairness, I’m meeting with some others later today.”
“All right.”
“All right.”
Silence.
“Drake, are we making any headway?”
“Does it feel like it?”
“I don’t know. Is this how it is when you counsel married couples?”
“How do you mean?”
“Do they feel sort of…unfinished after a session?”
“I…I’ve never been on this end.” His voice wavered.
“Should we talk to someone?”
“Between your Marthas and my deacons, I think we’re talking to quite enough people, thank you very much.” He was backing off, gaining control again.
“I meant to a marriage counselor about us.”
“I don’t think the church could handle that. Besides, I am a marriage counselor. I’d better go.”
I quit, Lord! A flash of anger cut that line of thinking. She would not quit! She was not going to be defeated. By the grace of God, she would not quit.
“All right, Drake. I just called to say I love you and that I’m here for you.”
“I’d much rather you were saying that from here.”
She waited a long moment, hoping for any sort of expression of his love. It didn’t come. Which was okay. Her unconditional love for him was independent of any reciprocation. Right? Right.
“Goodbye, then.”
“Yes. Goodbye.” Crisp. Efficient.
She closed up her phone and told herself he and Kenzie were exactly alike. They could push each other’s buttons for the remainder of their lives and neither boycotts nor babies nor a broken marriage would change their minds.