Kenzie’s feet hurt. Her head hurt. Her stomach hurt.
Alone in Aidan’s apartment late Saturday night, she lay on the deformed loveseat. Legs propped up on pillows and television remote in hand, she surfed channels.
It wasn’t pregnancy yuck or flu aches. She couldn’t even blame working overtime. She’d gone to the coffee shop early and worked half the morning plus her own afternoon shift. Business was steady, but not hopping like mad. She took her fair share of breaks and then some.
No, it was more. She hurt somewhere deep inside. A place she couldn’t touch.
Or wanted to think about.
She flipped the television to another station and engaged her attention on a brainless comedy about football. Not one of her relatives or friends had anything whatsoever to do with football. They never even knew who was playing in what bowls. Bowl. Now there was a stupid synonym for a flat field of grass.
A key turned in the door, startling her. As she began to rise, Aidan walked in.
She laid back down. “What are you doing here?”
He dropped a backpack on the floor and walked toward her. “I missed you.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Kenz.” He sat on the edge of the loveseat beside her.
She ignored the exasperation in his tone, the “give me a break” expression on his face. “How’s your dad?”
“Good.”
“Good.”
She peered over his shoulder at the television.
“He’s coming home tomorrow, by ambulance. All my sisters came up today. Lisel’s staying with Mom until tomorrow. The rest of us just drove back. They dropped me off.”
“Guess there wouldn’t have been a seat for me. No space in the hospital room with all eight of you in there. How many cousins and aunts and uncles squeezed in with you?”
“Kenz, don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.”
“Excuse me?” She coughed a noise of disdain. “Me shut you out? Who left whom?”
“I’m sorry. I had to figure out some things.”
“You’re changing your tune here. Last night it was because things were so hectic. Phone calls to make. Doctors doing this and that. You holding your family together.”
“I didn’t know how to say it last night. The truth is I had to figure out where we stand with each other.”
She gazed at the colorful television images…turned her hearing to the upbeat rock music athletes supposedly moved to in the midst of games—
“Can we turn this down? Off?” He took the remote from her lap, pointed it over his shoulder, and shut off the power.
“Hey! I’m watching that.”
“Did you hear what I said?” He tossed the remote onto the floor. “I had to figure out us.”
She rubbed her eyes. “That was figured out until you took off with hardly a goodbye and didn’t phone. I’m invisible and an afterthought to you.”
“You’re not.” Aidan grasped her hands and slid to the floor to his knees. “I didn’t know what you were, but now I see it clearly. Mackenzie Anne Starr, I love you. I love everything about you. I even love how you exasperate me like you’re trying your best to do right now. I want to spend my life with you. I want the piece of paper that says the government knows I do. I want a pastor to join us together and say the Spirit of God knows I do. I want to marry you, Kenz.”
There it was. The Proposal. And there she was. Lying on an old colorless loveseat, feet up, fat belly protruding from under her T-shirt. Preferring to watch TV and not make eye contact with him. The air crackled with argument.
This was not part of the fairy tale.
She squirmed. “You didn’t want to before. We didn’t want to. We decided we already are.”
“Does this look like we already are? You know, if I were dying in a hospital, they might not let you in my room because you’re not family. Our kid could come in, but you couldn’t.”
“Aidan, that sounds like something my mother would say!”
“So what? It puts things in perspective even if the odds are against it happening. I want you and our baby to be my family in every which way.” He squeezed her hands. “Will you marry me, Kenz? Wait a sec.” He let go, reached into his pants pocket, and pulled out something. “Here. I think this is part of the dorky tradition.” With a lopsided smile, he put a tiny box in her hands.
It was soft, covered in gray fabric. Obviously there was a ring inside.
He said, “Thought I’d go the whole nine yards.”
Her headache pounded now, a steady kettledrum beat, six-eight time.
“My Grandma Bella gave it to me. Out of all sixty-two or whatever of her grandkids, I don’t know why. I guess she liked me best.”
“I can’t—”
“I didn’t spend a dime, not that we have one. And it’s not a diamond. I know you don’t particularly like diamonds. She never had one, so that worked out.” He touched her cheek. “Please open it.”
An eerie sense of floating enveloped her. Perspiration drenched every inch of her body.
“It reminds me of your eyes, Kenz.”
She had to shut him up. With shaking hands, she lifted the lid of the ring box. A bluish square stone caught the lamplight and winked.
He said, “She told me it’s aquamarine. Not the exact color of your eyes. It’s the clarity that reminds me of them.” He took out the ring and held it up to the light. “Look at that. You can see right through.”
That described how he always saw her, right through into her deepest being.
How could he be so far off the mark now?
He went on, eyeing the stone. “Clean and pure and beautiful inside and out.”
“No.”
Aidan looked at her.
“No, I’m not like that. And you’ll know it soon enough. You don’t want to marry me. What got into you? It’s probably your dad. His getting hurt. You’re bonkers. It has nothing to do with us.” She sat up and climbed around him. The box fell to the floor. “I can’t marry you. I don’t want to.”
“Kenzie!”
She heard him follow her into the bedroom, but the banging in her ears muffled his voice. Forcing herself to reason, she moved like a robot. Knapsack. Wallet. A handful of underwear, shirts. Sweater. Skirt. Jeans. She slid her feet into sandals.
“Kenz! What are you doing?”
“I gotta get out of here.”
“You’re running again. You’re always running.”
“I just need some space.”
“That’s getting a little old, you know? We all need our space, but sooner or later you have to face life and share some of your space with those who love you.”
She walked across the living room. “I’ll go to Dakota’s. I’ll get the van back to you—”
“Phoenix? You’re going to Phoenix?”
“She’s living in San Diego.”
He waved his arms. “That is so typical. She’s here, she’s there. You’re here, you’re there. I can’t keep up with you. Why are you so afraid of staying put for once in your life?”
She pulled open the door.
“Kenzie, if you leave tonight…”
She whirled around. “If I leave tonight, what? I shouldn’t come back?”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“Uh-huh. Neither did my dad when he said it to my mom. Somehow I don’t believe either one of you.”
Before he could reply, she’d rushed through the door and slammed it shut behind her.