The first snow of the year came as a surprise dusting of fat white flakes over the city streets at the end of October.
It was a small boost for Grace. Putting on those new winter boots, sliding the zipper from the heel to just below her knee, made her feel sexy. She’d been missing that feeling for the last few months, and, as she ran her hand along the taut leather that bound her calf, the dormant urge came back and turned her into a demon.
It’s been long enough, she decided as she stepped into the lobby of the Taureau-Werner building and shook the snow from her hair. Somewhere in this building was one lucky man who would be on the receiving end of three months of nothing more inspiring than her vibrator. She wouldn’t take him here – never again – but there was always the parking garage across the street. The guard who gave her a long look when she got on the elevator? The rumpled creature with the dark-rimmed glasses who shared the car with her between floors seven and ten?
He glanced back as he stepped off, and a delicious tremor went through her. She always did love those intellectual types, even if they did have a whiff of poseur.
A good hard fuck would do wonders to fill that remaining crack in her heart, but once the doors closed she felt a swelling in her chest. It was all so meaningless now. She could have a man between her legs and he could make her scream, but would she have the strength to keep the tears trapped inside afterwards?
It was always the same now. She’d find herself loading the dishwasher and humming along to the music app on her phone, and then she’d be swollen and throbbing in a fever. She’d grab her vibe or just use her finger. She’d make it last as long as she could. She’d grind and buck, pant and moan. When she couldn’t stand it any longer she’d close her legs around her hand and the vibrator, but in the midst of the raging red haze came a memory that left her raw and sobbing in the aftermath. She’d cry until her pillow was soaked, and then she’d start her life all over again.
‘Christ, I can’t tell you how happy I am you made it on time today,’ Caroway said when she got to her desk. ‘Of all the fucking days for it to snow in this city.’
‘It’s snow, not acid,’ she remarked as she shrugged out of her coat. ‘What’s the fire today?’
He went perfectly still, like she’d suddenly shouted ‘red light’, and for a moment she wondered if he was having an anxiety attack or something. He placed both hands over his mouth and heaved, then threaded them through his thinning hair.
‘Can you keep a secret?’
She almost laughed out loud as she unzipped her boots and tucked her feet into her pumps. If he only knew.
‘From who?’
‘Everyone, for the next forty minutes.’ He leaned on both hands at the edge of her desk and his nostrils flared as he took three deep breaths through them. ‘You tell no one, you understand me? I know you won’t, but I need you to say it.’
‘Mr Caroway –’
‘Jacques Taureau is scheduled to arrive at ten o’clock.’
Grace turned to ice on the inside and caught fire on the outside, and yet she managed to smooth out her skirt like always, take her seat and say coolly. ‘That’s the last thing I expected to hear this morning. I should have stopped for a second cup of coffee on the way.’
He said something in reply, but she didn’t hear it as she booted up her computer. It was like a small city had sprung up in her brain and devolved into civil war.
How can this be?
As the weeks and then months passed since she sent Reeve off with the transcript of Ledger’s meeting with Bette Laurin, she’d waited for something, anything to indicate that she’d done the right thing, but in the end she accepted that giving him the answer he had posed that day had nothing to do with her. She’d been in the bathtub when the feeling came upon her. She closed her eyes and slipped beneath the surface, and told herself that she’d never see him again.
Why here?
She tapped her keyboard to open her email and sat with her elbows on her desk and hands folded in front of her. ‘What do you need me to do?’
‘Contact every department head and make sure they’re in that boardroom by nine fifty-five on the nose, then get those who are out of town on the conference phone. Don’t bother with setting up the room. I’ve been told this won’t take long.’
Within thirty minutes Grace made her calls and had her people on standby, just in time for a wave of nausea to rush through her. She held it at bay long enough to get to her desk and grab her toothbrush, then rushed into Caroway’s empty office and hurled herself at the toilet.
Once she was empty of her breakfast, she scrubbed her mouth out and wiped the smudged mascara from around her eyes. One deep breath in front of the mirror and she saw that impenetrable facade take over. She glanced at her watch and fought back a second urge to hurl herself at the mouth of the toilet.
‘This won’t take long,’ she assured herself.
She stepped into Caroway’s office, then back as Taureau’s enormous frame blocked her way.
He had a glass in his hand, and Grace dumbly stared at it when he held it out to her.
‘Here,’ he murmured. ‘It’s ginger ale.’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t stand the taste.’
He persisted, thrusting the glass at her. ‘It’ll settle your stomach.’
Grace met his gaze, and her heart crawled into her throat. She marvelled at the steadiness of her hands as she took the glass from him, but as he looked away she started to tremble.
She took a gulp, disgusted with herself for losing her composure. He turned, back straight and gait stiff. His hand came up, and though his gesture was hidden from view she knew it automatically, fingers tracing the lines of his scars.
She wanted to tell him to keep his hands at his side or in his pockets when he spoke to this roomful of curious hyenas he was about to face. She wanted him to keep his gaze level and his voice steady when he spoke to them, to own them with every word and every look.
But when she opened her mouth, the only words she managed to get out were ‘Why are –’ before he cut her off.
‘I’ll be there in ten minutes, and then I’ll be leaving. I’ve sent you an email to be forwarded to the entire company on my behalf.’
The dismissal in his tone cut deep. Her eyes and nose prickled as she said, ‘Yes, Mr Taureau,’ and left him.
He hates me. I made a mistake and now he hates me.
She couldn’t get rid of the thought as she went into the conference room. Almost everyone had already assembled and was chatting, some on the phone. She stood near the head of the table in her own miserable world until Caroway entered.
He clapped his hands together as he strode towards the front. ‘All right, folks, take a seat. This won’t take long. The reason you’ve been brought here today is because we have a major announcement this morning. In one hour’s time, a press release will be going out to all major networks, and it’s the same old story: no one speaks to the media. All requests go to our PR department.’ He stood at Grace’s side and faced the room. ‘I’ll hand the floor over to Mr Taureau now.’
As all heads turned, Grace lowered her gaze. Even when he passed in front of her, she kept her eyes averted and fought to keep her chin held high.
‘I could have done this another way, but after almost fifteen years I thought I at least owed it to you all to tell you this to your faces,’ he said.
Grace glanced aside and saw the hand at his side curled into a fist, his thumb twitching against his index finger betraying the nervousness that wasn’t present in his tone.
‘It’s been longer for some of you,’ he went on. ‘Some have been here since my grandfather was at the helm. It’s always been a family business and I tried to run this company that way, even if my methods were a little unorthodox.’
He paused, and she looked around the room. Everyone looked awestruck. Most openly gawked at him like he had just materialised out of thin air. It must have been killing him to be under such scrutiny, and she longed to reach out and take his hand.
‘I won’t take up much more of your time. I know you all work very hard and I don’t want to make those long days any longer.’ His voice went husky at the end. He brought his fist to his mouth and coughed into it. He looked towards her but not at her. ‘Would you mind …’
‘Of course.’
She slipped away, quickly unscrewed a bottle of water from the credenza just behind him, then poured it into a glass. Even when their fingers touched as she passed it over and electricity shot up her arm, he didn’t afford her a single glance.
He drained the glass and set it on the table in front of him, then continued.
‘As of this moment, I’m stepping down as Chief Executive Officer of Taureau-Werner to pursue other interests. I’ll remain on as the majority shareholder, but operations are now entirely in the hands of Hugh Caroway. Once he leaves this room, he assumes the responsibility of acting CEO, and I anticipate that he’ll ultimately be appointed to the position on a permanent basis.’
A smattering of applause made its way around the table, though Grace wondered if anyone had actually heard a word that had come out of Taureau’s mouth. He raised his hand but caught himself and tucked it behind him.
‘Speaking of which, I’ll give Hugh the floor now. Thank you again, everyone, for all your hard work over the years.’
He stepped back and Caroway came forward. Though she watched her boss deliver his spiel, she gave Taureau her attention out of the corner of her eye. His taut pose deflated a little in relief and he tilted his head just slightly in her direction.
Her stomach flopping, she looked at him. At the same moment he looked at her. It lasted no longer than a second, but it was long enough for her to discern the slight scowl.
Reeve had been right. Taureau was sorry, but not to lose her. It was plain as day on his face.
He was sorry he had ever laid eyes on her.
* * *
Caroway closed his door behind him and tucked himself deeper into his coat. ‘Not tonight, Grace. Go home.’
‘I am,’ she said, and moved her screen enough to show him the bubble-popping game she was playing on the computer. ‘I’m just waiting for traffic to thin out a little so I can get a cab home. The snow’s started again.’
‘Can I give you a ride?’
‘No, go home. I’ll only be a few minutes longer.’
He pulled a stocking cap from inside his coat and regarded her as he stretched it over his balding head. ‘You’re going to stick with me during this transition, aren’t you?’
‘Of course I am.’
‘Taureau isn’t spiriting you off for his new venture?’
An ache bloomed in her chest, and she was too damn tired to put all of herself into a smile, and so she just shook her head.
‘It didn’t work out,’ she said, and gave a cynical laugh. ‘I need a bit more structure and stability. I’m better off here, slaving for you.’
‘His loss,’ Caroway said, and gave the desk a little tap. ‘Don’t stay too late.’
‘Good night.’
Grace waited for the whir of the elevator before shutting down her game. Leaving her shoes next to her desk, she strode in her stockinged feet between the rows of cubicles to the break room in search of takeout menus. Greasy food chased with a couple of sleeping pills would go a long way to making this day a memory and getting her back on track with the life she’d had before meeting Jacques Taureau.
She pulled the butterfly clip from the stash of menus kept in the utility drawer and held it between her teeth as she headed back, leafing through the wrinkled rosters of burgers and egg rolls and pizza. Midway to her desk, she veered into the boardroom to check out the strength of the storm through the big windows overlooking downtown.
Taureau was silhouetted against the panorama.
‘Jesus,’ she hissed as her eyes adjusted to the shape at the head of the conference table. ‘You’re like a movie monster that keeps popping up.’
The chair creaked as he got out of it and moved to the window. ‘I wasn’t waiting for you.’
‘I appreciate you pointing that out,’ she snapped, and picked up the clip from where it had landed. ‘What are you doing here, anyway?’
‘I don’t like hotel rooms, and I can’t fly out until this passes.’
‘What about your condo?’
‘There’s still people above and below you and on all sides.’ He leaned against the pane and looked to her. ‘Why are you here?’
‘I was just leaving,’ she told him, and a sickening rush went through her as she forced herself to stick to her words by turning to leave.
‘Why did you do what you did?’
Grace flinched at his sharp words, and that single show of weakness infuriated her. She spun around and glared at his silhouette.
‘Do what? There’s so much to choose from, according to you.’
‘Settle down,’ he murmured, and her temper gushed from deep within. She tossed the menus onto the credenza and slapped her hand over the light switch.
‘All right, so maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, going to Ledger, but I knew you wouldn’t and you’d hide behind that question as long as you could get away with it. And –’ she held on to her words until she was sure she wanted to say them ‘– and I did it for myself. I wanted to know the reason, not why you brought me into your lonely world to begin with, but why you pushed me out of it so easily.’
‘You think it was easy?’ He growled, squinting in the fluorescent lights above his head. ‘It wasn’t. I haven’t been the same since you left.’
She tossed up her hands. ‘What’s the point in telling me this? What is it you want? You want me to come back with you to Mont Carmel? To lock myself away with you? To put up with you turning your back whenever you start to feel something?’
‘I’m here now, aren’t I?’
‘What is that supposed to mean to me? Why are you even here?’
He shoved away from the window and stalked the length of the table. ‘To tell you that I already knew why she did it, and that it doesn’t matter, that I’m just terrified.’
Grace was weak from his revelation. ‘You … what? You knew?’
‘I’ve always known. I’ve known since I opened my eyes that night as she made the first cut. She told me. She said, “You’re not going to throw me away like everyone else does.”’ He stopped, looking maddened, and clasped his hands in his hair. ‘And that’s what I was going to do, you know? I was going to throw her away. Some people said I did it because I wanted to turn my life around. Fuck, I didn’t want to turn my life around. I just didn’t want to be the one everyone pointed a finger at when she finally overdosed.
‘It was never about what someone did to me. It was always about what I did to them, and who I was. I throw everything away. That’s never changed, even when the rest of me has.’
He swiped his hands over his face and stared at nothing.
Grace couldn’t stay on her feet any longer. The anguish in his voice was venom, and strike after strike had weakened her. She dragged one of the chairs away from the table and dropped into it, a silent witness to the turmoil before her eyes.
‘I could have told her I was sorry. I knew she was dying and I could have gone to her and told her, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t. I gave my son away and told myself it was to keep him happy, but the truth is I was scared of what I would do to him, and what he would do to me, and so I just threw him away. I know he’s happy with those people. I know I did what’s best, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I threw him away.’
He looked at her now, his features stark with exhaustion. ‘And you, with your patience and your strength and your willingness to do something as terrifying as coming all the way to Mont Carmel. Do you know how jealous I am of that?’
‘I was only following orders.’
He let out a cynical bark and closed the gap between them to yank out the chair next to hers. He sat on the edge of it and reached out, but he didn’t touch her. He drew back and clasped his knees with both hands.
‘That never happened. From that night you were alone in here, right here. You stood right there and you owned me. You fought me and I fought you right back, but I lost, every time. You –’
‘Stop.’ She latched onto his wrist and leaned close, and watched him fight the urge to draw back. ‘I can’t fix you.’
‘I’m not asking you to. That’s up to me, and I know I’ll never be completely fixed.’
‘Then what is it you want from me? I can’t go back to Mont Carmel with you and live like that.’
He pressed his lips together, and his nostrils flared as he sucked in one deep breath after another. Then he said, ‘I can’t leave. Not yet. Even now that I’m here with you, it’s eating my guts being so far away from where I feel safe.’
Grace shook her head, her hope deflating. ‘Then what?’
‘A small step for me. I’m opening two more TAJ offices. One here, and one close to home. The guesthouse has been cleaned out. It’s a … well, I don’t know what it’s going to be yet, but everything has been moved. I burned the discs in the fire pit. I want you to come and work for me again. I know it’s not high-rises and fine night dining, but if you were there with me –’
‘I’ll do it.’
She said it the moment the thought popped into her brain. It rocked Taureau back in his seat, a look of incredulity on his face, which struck her as funny.
‘I don’t give a shit about high-rises and fine dining,’ she said as the giggles died away. ‘I just want you to be you, even if you’re a little busted and cracked, so long as you don’t let one part of you take over the whole.’
‘I’m worried you won’t like the whole me,’ he murmured.
Grace squeezed down on his wrist. ‘I’ve seen the worst of you, but I’ve seen glimpses of the best of you. That’s what I want more of, just that: nothing to live up to, nothing to hold you back, just … you.’
He said nothing. He kept his gaze between them, focused on where she stroked her thumb across his wrist. The jubilant swell in her throat deflated a little when his scowl appeared, then nearly burst when she saw a hint of a smile on his lips.
‘What if I don’t like the worst of you when I see it?’
‘Buy me dinner, and afterwards I’ll show you my worst.’
He turned the tables on her and grasped her wrists, then pulled until she had rolled between his outspread thighs.
‘Before. Show me your worst before dinner.’
As he tried to pull her out of her chair, Grace brought her arms up between them and pressed her hands on his chest.
‘Mr Taureau,’ she purred, ‘That is a highly inappropriate suggestion for the workplace.’
Taureau growled as he went for her waist. Grace let him pull her close and push her skirt up to mid-thigh, and then barred him again. She leaned close enough to brush her mouth over his, but, when he persisted, so did she.
‘My apartment is ten minutes away,’ she whispered.
This time she wasn’t quick enough. He jerked her hard out of her seat and onto his lap. Her restraint vanished as he held her in place and ground into her.
‘I don’t want to wait,’ he said, rocking in the chair so that she could feel the burgeoning length of his cock against her ass. ‘And neither do you. You want what I want, don’t you?’
‘I want so many things, Jacques.’
‘What happened to Mr Taureau?’
She closed her eyes with a sigh as he pressed his lips to the crook of her neck. ‘For at least the next two weeks, you’re not my boss.’
‘But I’m still the boss.’
‘We’ll see about that,’ she said, and chuckled as he slid his hands from her waist to her thighs. He tugged at her skirt, and Grace pushed the balls of her feet against the carpeted floor to wriggle with him until the garment belted around her waist. ‘Let me turn the light out.’
It was his turn to laugh. ‘You want the darkness?’
‘The fluorescent doesn’t exactly inspire a mood. The city lights will be fine. Besides, you haven’t truly appreciated this view yet. Let me up.’
With a reluctant groan he loosened his grip, and Grace killed the lights. Having closed and locked the door against the arrival of any of the cleaning staff, she lingered for a moment. Though it was still snowing, the weather had eased up enough that the fall left only a whimsical curtain of flakes and let the city lights in.
‘Has there been anyone since you left?’ he asked, and Grace was touched by how uncertain he sounded. ‘In here, or out there?’
‘No one.’ She peeled off her blouse, then unhooked her skirt and slid it off. ‘Though there have been a lot of solo sessions.’
The moment she was in reach, Taureau resumed his hold on her and scooted forward so his legs nudged hers apart. There she remained, blood quickening as he ran his hands up and down her thighs.
‘Rough,’ she murmured. ‘Your hands are rougher than they were before. What have you been doing?’
‘I was chopping wood for the winter.’
‘I hope not my tree.’ He paused, and she sucked in a surprised breath. ‘Really?’
‘I took it down the day you left.’
‘Jacques, no.’
‘Here, come around here.’ He urged her around until the edge of the conference table jabbed into her ass. ‘There are other trees, and then there’s my plan for the guesthouse. The cellar isn’t suitable for playing in when the weather changes. It’s too cold. I think the attic would be much more appropriate.’
‘Is there anywhere that wouldn’t be?’
Grace climbed onto the tabletop. She was his to pose, and by the time he was done she was splayed out with her feet resting against the edge on either side of him.
‘It’s twenty minutes from the new headquarters in Moncton to The Convent House, not long at all if I decide I need you like this for me.’
‘No conference room?’
‘There is, but the building is small and old, and I don’t think anyone would appreciate hearing the things I do to you like I do,’ he said, and quick as lightning snagged her garter between his teeth and let it go with a snap. It didn’t hurt, but the small popping sound brought every part of Grace’s body to life. She leaned forward and he rose, meeting her halfway.
A perfect bubble of happiness rose in her throat as he slipped his other hand to the small of her back and rested his forehead against hers. He muttered something in French, and with a giggle she gave him a tap on the shoulder.
‘Stop that.’
‘I thought you spoke French.’
‘I do, business French. What you’re saying doesn’t sound very businesslike.’
The rest of her rebuke snagged on her bottom lip as he rubbed her through her thong. She slipped her arms around his neck and clasped her fingers together against the warm skin.
She held on as he quickly got rid of the thin film of fabric, then rested her head against his shoulder as he stroked his thumb in a half-moon over her clit. He spoke again, murmuring phrases she only half understood with her ears but knew with her body. He teased her with her ignorance and told her what he wanted to do to her, and when he slid his finger along her slit she opened up for him and raised her face to his.
‘Remember what I said,’ she said against his mouth, and gasped as two fingers thrust to the knuckle. Her laughter was broken as he fucked her with short, brusque strokes. ‘Oh, wow, never mind.’
‘Never mind what?’ His tone teased, as ticklish as the tongue he flicked against hers.
‘I just … oh.’
He went deep and pressed against her G spot, and at the same time resumed teasing her clit with his thumb.
‘Go on,’ he said. ‘Tell me what you wanted me to know.’
‘Just don’t treat me like I’m breakable. I don’t need it. I don’t ever need it.’
His low laughter wrapped around her. ‘Is that what you think I’m doing? You think I’m being gentle with you? Wrong, Miss Neely. I’m just exercising a little patience. It’s been too long since I’ve had you hot and slippery like this. I want to make the most of it and play with you as long as I can stand it.’
She half-laughed, half-moaned as he picked up the pace. ‘I don’t think I can stand it much longer.’
‘No one asked you.’
He reached behind his head and loosened her grip, then gave her a push. Back she went, propped up on her forearms so she could watch whatever he had in store for her next.
Taureau rested a hand on her abdomen. It was such a simple gesture of possession, but the monster of her arousal roared its approval.
‘You were right,’ he said. ‘The view is spectacular.’
Now that he had her down and open for him, Taureau showed her the extent of his ownership. He gave and he took away, working arm and shoulder and pumping her with the full force of his arm until she bucked him and met his thrusts, and then he withdrew and left her only with the slow, sinful circling around her clit.
‘I’ll never make it easy for you,’ he said, a warning and a promise wrapped in that decadent whiskey voice. ‘This hasn’t changed. You’ll work this for me when I want it.’
Grace pushed up with a growl. She grabbed his wrist and held it as she clipped her legs shut. She loved the way he tried to maintain his composure in the filmy city lights, and she loved the way he lost it and smirked at her.
She gave it right back to him with a small cackle. ‘Give me what I want, baby. I need your hard cock right here.’
Holding him in place as he drew his other hand to his fly, Grace touched the tip of her tongue to her teeth and held her breath until he had unleashed himself. He pulled back and she parted her legs to let him shove his pants down.
Her whole body felt the jolt as he grasped her hips and jerked her towards him. She braced herself for the hot length of his cock stretching her, but instead was gifted with Taureau’s breathless laughter.
‘You wanted this? Here?’ he asked, and sawed the underside of his shaft through her wet lips.
‘In my pussy, deep and hard.’
Grace made a grab for his hands but he pulled away, grasping her ankles instead as he worked his hips. She didn’t protest as he kept up his movements, rocking forwards and backwards, sending a hot throb skittering along her wet slit with every bump of the head against her clit. Just a little more and the semi-darkness of the room would give way to white light as her body exploded.
‘Not yet, you don’t,’ he sang, and shifted. He gave her just a couple of inches, not enough to do more than madden her, but he made up for it by resting his hand upon her abdomen and toying with her clit once more.
Grace endured his sweet torture and overflowed with knowing how quickly he would turn once she’d gotten off. She’d danced this dance with him many times before. He wanted her so hot she’d leave scorch marks on the table beneath her, so hot that when his thrusts reached their epic climax she’d scream for more.
And so she waited, twitching and panting, dripping around the few inches of flesh he gave her.
The culmination of all this teasing was glorious. Just when she thought the need to come could render her unconscious, Taureau withdrew his cock and lowered his head between her legs. She hadn’t been expecting his tongue. This was a man who rigidly stuck to one method of pleasure until it paid off, and the soft swipe of his tongue raised her ass off the table. Grace lost control of all her senses as he lapped her with the full breadth of his tongue.
He kept it up, hands splayed on the backs of her thighs, tongue fucking in and out of her pussy, and Grace watched the starlight dancing on the ceiling above her. She was so sated and so content that she could have laughed and cried at the same time, but there was only a lazy smile as he played with her.
‘Jacques,’ she whispered at last, and lifted her head as he drew himself up.
She didn’t need to say anything more. What else was there to say? Nothing at all, she decided, and with his actions Taureau agreed. He granted her the tip of his dick once more, only this time the thrust of his hips took him home.
‘Oh, there you are,’ she said as he shoved deep and his cock throbbed.
‘Tighter,’ he said in a gasp. ‘Hold on tighter. Wrap your legs around me.’
She obeyed. She knew the only thing to do when this was happening, when the switch had been thrown and Taureau turned into this rutting beast, was to hold on. Savage thrust after thrust threatened to push her forward, but their grip on each other was firm.
A sob broke from her as he withdrew, and Taureau answered it with a hard sound from the back of his throat. He pulled back and took her with him so that her ass hung off the edge of the table and he drove into her.
‘Like that. Just like that.’ Over and over she spurred him on, until she could no longer make words, only explosive, hungry sounds that tore her open.
Grace cut into him with her nails as the rough, unrelenting pounding of his cock against her inner wall finished what his fingers had started. As her cunt squeezed on his dick, she turned her head and filled her lungs like it would be the last time.
Taureau groaned and released her, then bowed down. Hands in her hair, mouth hot on her neck, he gave one more shallow thrust and buried himself in the warm, wet place he’d created. The helpless sounds he made as he came reached her through the thick fog of her orgasm, and then there was nothing but the pulsing crush of his body.
He squeezed his fingers, pulling her hair taut, and Grace reached up. The time for that was finished. For now, she wanted to take his hand and walk out of this building with him, lay him on her bed and watch his face in the warm glow of her bedside lamp as she teased his cock back to life.
He refused to let go, and twisted her head to face him. Then his lips were moving against hers, and his tongue sliding over hers, and the passion in him that had always been so restrained. She gave herself over to it, to him, and placed her hands over his.
After an endless, breathless interlude, Taureau loosened his fingers and lifted his head.
‘Let’s get out of here. Who knows who could be watching us.’