KAT HAD BEEN up since dawn, clearing away garbage, sorting out all the items left behind in Elsa’s shed shop and making plans for her animal-therapy course. She couldn’t wait to get this venture off the ground, but if she was honest, she was also trying to fill her head with anything other than her “date” with Luke.
Last night she’d talked to Elsa on the phone, intending to keep her filled in on her plans, but she’d ended up confiding in the older woman about talking to Ben’s grandma and agreeing to take on six chickens and a sheep—without giving away any private information, of course. Elsa had been more than helpful when it came to the animals; she’d suggested that Kat should use the small plot of land behind the shed for both April and the chickens; the dog she still had her heart set on would of course live with her in the cottage. All she needed now was a coop to go in the fenced-off area she’d earmarked as a run for the chickens. There was already a small shelter at the back of the shed that could house April if needed, and the plot was big enough for her to run around in. The area behind it had gone a bit wild, but Kat was sure April would soon sort out the long grass, or else she’d hire someone to mow it.
Full of enthusiasm, she dusted and cleaned and washed the floors, dreaming up plans for rabbits and other animals. She still intended to use the front of the old shop for the children’s sea treasures, and the more items she uncovered from Elsa’s hoard, the more excited she became.
It was almost eight when she stopped to look at her watch; she had only half an hour to wash, change and grab something to eat before she needed to set off for Flight. Kat hurriedly locked the door behind her with a warm sense of satisfaction before running down Cove Road to the cottage. One of her sessions this morning was with Ben, but she didn’t intend to try to draw him out about his granddad until she’d spoken to Luke; it wouldn’t be fair. She so wanted to make Ben see how much he was loved, by his grandmother and his dad...even his granddad. She was certain his love was still there; it was just masked by the older man’s illness. She’d make Ben see it, eventually, and then she could watch his confidence grow. That would be her reward.
As she got ready for the day, her “date” with Luke tonight preyed on her mind. It was just a meeting, but she was still kind of looking forward to it. Lately, she liked being around him. But she was nervous, too. How would he react when she owned up to visiting Mollie? Kat had been on the wrong side of Luke Travis’s temper before and she hoped she wouldn’t bear the brunt of it tonight. She’d get him to relax first, she decided, with food and chat, maybe even a glass of wine, and she’d just slip it into the conversation. Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention I saw Mollie yesterday...
The first part of Kat’s morning flew by. She had a meeting with social workers about a new child who was due to come to the school in a couple of days, and she spent some time afterward filling in the relevant paperwork. Then she headed off for her session with a young girl she’d been counseling since she arrived at Flight.
As usual, Tara, a twelve-year-old with mouse-brown hair and freckles, knocked tentatively on the open door, moving nervously from foot to foot, her fingers locked in front of her.
“Morning, Tara,” called Kat, pretending to write something down. “Come on in and sit down.” She’d found out that the less attention she paid to her, the more relaxed and outgoing the painfully shy girl became.
“Morning,” whispered Tara.
Kat looked up at her, smiling. “Have you done the work we discussed last week?”
“Couldn’t do it, Miss.”
“Did you try?”
Tara’s silence spoke volumes.
“Well, perhaps I can help you with it now,” Kat suggested. “I’ll start to show you how it goes and then it’s your turn. Now, five things I either like about me or I am good at.”
Kat chewed the end of her pen thoughtfully, looking down at the blank sheet of paper in front of her. “I see what you mean,” she said. “Can you help me out here?”
“You’re pretty,” Tara suggested.
Kat laughed. “Thanks, but I can’t put that down, can I? Even if I agreed with you. Tell you what I can put, though—I have a nice wide smile and I have very blue eyes. Now it’s your turn.”
“I...” she began falteringly. “I have nice long legs and—and...I’m kind.”
“That’s great, Tara. I agree with you—you are sweet and kind and generous. Look how you help all the younger children. No one is perfect, but we all have good things about us and we should be proud of them. We have things we don’t like, too, but we can work on them.”
“What bad things do you have, Miss?” Tara asked, her voice a few notches above a whisper now.
“Well,” Kat began, choosing her answer carefully. “For a long time when I was young, like you, I had very little confidence in myself.”
“But you’re confident now,” Tara declared.
“I’ve had to work very hard at it,” Kat told her. “And studying to do child therapy helped. It was a bit like you with the younger children—by helping others, you help yourself, too.”
Tara beamed. “I think I know how to do that exercise now, Miss. Can I take it with me and try again?”
“Of course you can. Oh, and let’s add something else.”
“What?”
“Write down five things that make you happy, too.”
After Tara’s session ended, Ben came into her office.
“Hello,” she said when he walked in. He grinned in response.
“Hello... Can we still go mudlarking this weekend?”
“Of course we can,” she promised. “Sunday probably—just you, me and maybe a couple of the younger ones...like Tammy.”
“Can we have a picnic...or cake at your house again?”
“I don’t see why n—” Kat trailed off as she remembered that Luke had advised her to keep the children away from the sea for now. She was about to tell Ben it might be better if they waited until another weekend, but realized that would only bring up questions or make Ben feel insecure. She didn’t want to explain to him about the lost couple—who might not have even drowned, for all anyone knew—and she certainly didn’t want him thinking yet another adult was breaking a promise. She would simply scout the area before they went out, she decided. Not that she expected to find any sign of the couple. They were probably miles away from Jenny Brown’s Bay by now, going on with their lives. That was what she would continue to tell herself.
She cleared her throat. “We’ll have cake at my house,” she told him, hoping that the compromise would satisfy Luke’s concern.
“And what about him—will he want to come?”
“Luke, you mean? Why? Do you want him to?”
Ben shrugged. “Don’t care.”
To Kat, that was a yes; it seemed their father-son relationship was starting to get somewhere. The problem was that she’d agreed to take Ben mudlarking when Luke had asked her to keep the children away from the shore. “I don’t know if he’ll be able to come this weekend,” she said thoughtfully. If she happened to see Luke, she’d explain then, but she wouldn’t deliberately seek him out. “But we’ll have a good time.”
After all, what right did Luke Travis have to tell her what to do? She’d been responsible about the trip and that was enough.
Ben grinned. “Yes, course we will. I might find something else magic, like the silver heart, to give to my gran when I see her.”
“You never know what you’ll find,” Kat said.
“Mike said that I could see her soon. You’ll have to hurry up and get the animals so I can show them to her when she comes to visit. We used to have animals at home—a sheep and chickens.”
“That’s great,” Kat told him. “If you’re already used to looking after animals, you’ll be such a great help.”
Ben looked down at his hands, his shoulders slumped. “I didn’t... I mean, I wasn’t very good at it and...”
“And what?” Kat asked gently when he fell silent.
“And I didn’t want to,” he admitted. “My gran got cross about it, but I—I was glad.”
“Why did you want to make your grandma cross, Ben?”
“Because she made me cross...because she made everything different.”
“Sometimes things just change,” Kat said. “And it isn’t always someone’s fault. Things can happen for no reason at all—bad things and good things. If it’s something bad, we have to do our best to get through it. I’m sure your grandma was doing her best.”
Kat kept her tone light and casual. For Ben to have let out even a small part of his thoughts was a real breakthrough, but she knew if she made a big deal of it, he might clam up again. “Anyway,” she went on. “You can make it up to her now, if you want to.”
“I wasn’t very nice to Grandma,” he said abruptly. “She got me a lamb to love when Granddad went...different, but I wouldn’t look after it.”
“And why do you think that was?” Kat asked quietly, afraid of pushing too hard.
“Because I was cross...”
“Why, Ben? What really made you cross?”
He looked up at her with his father’s eyes, deep, fathomless, dark velvet brown. “Granddad wasn’t Granddad anymore and Grandma didn’t help me—even when I skipped school she didn’t care. And then she sent me here.”
Kat leaned toward him, placing her hand on his shoulder, drawing it away again when he tensed against her touch. “Your grandma sent you here because she cares about you.” Her voice was as gentle as she could make it. “She was so busy looking after your granddad, and she knew that here at Flight, you’d have people to care for you properly.”
Ben’s face darkened. “You don’t know that... You don’t know anything about us. My grandma wouldn’t have sent me away if she cared about me. And my dad wouldn’t have left me if he cared about me.”
“That’s not true, Ben,” Kat began tentatively. “Listen, I went to see your grandma and—”
Ben jumped up, his face pale and expressionless. “You saw her and you didn’t bring me? That’s not fair! I thought you were my friend, but you’re not. You’re just like all the rest. None of you care.” He was shaking.
Kat’s heart sank. She should have stuck to her plan not to tell him about Mollie quite yet. She should have anticipated this reaction. “No, Ben, I went because I am your friend. Your grandma told me how much she loves you and how bad she feels for letting you down. In fact...”
“In fact what?” Ben’s tone was sulky, but his stance had relaxed a fraction.
“In fact,” Kat went on, taking the plunge, “she asked me if I’d bring April here so that she’d remind you of home. And you can help look after her.”
“April...” repeated Ben. “Coming here?”
“Yes, and the chickens, maybe. Think how proud your grandma and granddad would be if they knew you were taking care of April here.”
Ben shook his head. “Granddad stopped talking to me. He was funny and sad and different.”
Kat took both his hands in hers, and he didn’t pull away. “Ben, your grandma and your granddad have had a hard time lately, that’s all. Your granddad is sick. He can’t help that, or the way he acted—his illness caused that. He still loves you very much. He just can’t show it. Your grandma loves you, too, but she’s had so many worries that she’s forgotten to tell you lately.”
“I wish I’d looked after April for her,” Ben said, his voice little more than a whisper.
“Well, now perhaps you can,” Kat said. “It’ll be a second chance to show her that you can do it...that you want to help.”
“And Granddad really can’t help being like he is?”
“No, Ben, he really can’t help it—he wants to tell you, deep inside.”
“And you’ll always be my friend, even if he tries to take you away?”
“I’ll always be your friend, Ben, and no one will take me away.”
The little boy’s face brightened, as if a tiny ray of hope had lit him up from the inside, and it pulled at her heartstrings. Kat had never been the type to keep a clinical distance from the children she counseled, the way some of her peers could; she always got involved with the children she was helping. But this was different. She was becoming close to Ben. Would she have driven several hours to visit the grandmother of any other child in her care? She couldn’t help wondering if her emotional attachment to Ben was tangled up in her feelings for Luke. Clearly, she needed to sort that out. She couldn’t let an adult relationship affect her professional behavior.
“Anyway, young man,” she announced in what she hoped was a neutral tone, “I think it must be almost time for your next class. What is it today?”
“Art,” he said. “I like art.”
“Excellent. Why don’t you do some animal pictures for me and I can put them up on the wall?”
The broad grin on Ben’s face as he walked toward the door said it all.
Kat smiled all the way home as she thought about the progress she’d made with Ben. It was strange how it worked sometimes, child therapy; you could go for weeks without seeming to get anywhere, and then suddenly there would be a breakthrough. He’d actually let her in at last. For a moment, her interference had seemed like a big mistake, but in the end, it had paid off.
She’d frame her conversation with Luke tonight in terms of Ben’s progress. Maybe that would stop him from getting mad about her visit to the Jacksons’ farm. But she would leave the news about the animals for another day; there was plenty of time for that after he’d taken in everything else.
* * *
BY SIX THIRTY Kat had a pizza ready to go into the oven, and she’d set a salad bowl and potato chips on the table next to an open bottle of wine, with two flutes waiting to be filled. She’d been on a high all day after her successful therapy sessions, but nerves had begun to prickle as the clock approached seven. Was it fear or anticipation that made her feel so wound up?
She poured herself a glass of wine and went out into the balmy summer’s evening to sit on the bench outside the front door. Seven o’clock came and went and she breathed a sigh of relief; perhaps he wasn’t coming.
Sunshine glittered on the sea as the evening sun hung in a golden globe above the bay. Way out she could see boats, tiny in the distance; they reminded her with a sweeping sadness of the two young lovers setting out in such high spirits, and she took a gulp of her wine.
“Started without me, eh?”
The sound of Luke’s deep voice brought a rush of heat to her cheeks. “Oh!” she cried, startled. “I didn’t hear you coming.”
“You were miles away. Mind if I join you?”
She moved to get up. “I’ll pour you a glass of wine.”
He held out his hand to stop her. “No, don’t worry. I’ll help myself.”
When he returned with a full glass and sat down next to her she glanced sideways at him; her mouth felt dry and a pulse beat in her throat when he held her gaze. Ridiculously, she couldn’t look away.
“So...” he said. “Is this a social meeting or just business? You said you wanted to talk about Ben?”
Suddenly she found her voice as panic hit; did he think this was a date after all? “Business,” she said too quickly.
He touched his glass to hers. “Are you sure about that?”
Kat stood abruptly. “Of course I’m sure. I promised you food, though, so why don’t you sit and drink your wine while I go put the pizza in the oven.”
“Don’t tell me...” A smile lit up his handsome features and Kat soared out of her comfort zone. Her heart started to thud and all she could think of was the feel of his lips on hers. “Buffalo mozzarella and sun-dried tomatoes?”
“How did you know that?” she cried, laughter bubbling up.
Luke shrugged. “I guess you just strike me as a sun-dried-tomato kind of girl... Either that or I may have seen the box sticking out of the bin over there.”
Kat laughed, hurriedly going across to push the box farther down and close the lid. “Let’s eat first and discuss...business later,” she suggested.
“Sounds good to me,” Luke agreed. “And I guess by business you mean Ben?”
“Ben is my business, and I think today I’ve made a breakthrough.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Sounds interesting.”
“When we’ve eaten,” she insisted, buying time. Somehow she couldn’t imagine Luke being ecstatic about her visit to High House Farm, and for now, at least, she didn’t want to break the mood.
When the pizza was ready, she called him inside. They sat on Kat’s two-seater sofa, sipping wine and tucking into the food she’d set on the coffee table in front of them. After another glass of wine, Kat felt relaxed and much less worried about what she was about to tell Luke, or about the questions she had for him.
“So how come you never had much to do with Ben until now?” she asked, suddenly feeling bold.
Luke stayed silent for a moment, turning his glass around and around by the stem. “I was never given the opportunity,” he told her, his voice thoughtful and somewhat sad. “I was married, briefly, but we split and she neglected to tell me she was pregnant. It was Mollie who told me eventually, but she asked me to stay away. She made it sound like the right thing to do, and I guess I didn’t need much persuading.”
“And you never even tried to see him?”
Kat’s tone held a hint of criticism and Luke’s jaw tightened.
“Sorry...” she said. “It’s not my place.”
He looked across at her, his brown eyes crinkling softly at the corners. “It’s okay... As you said, Ben is your business, so I guess it does matter. Look...” He shifted closer, and she could feel his breath against her skin. “I messed up. I’m not proud of it. I guess I was afraid of fatherhood—still am, frankly—so what kind of a man does that make me?
“I did go to the house to see him once—he was in the garden with Carly and his grandparents. It was all so perfect that I couldn’t bring myself to let them know I was there. I just watched from afar then walked away. I felt like a failure—what could I offer a child who had everything? Shortly after that, I got this job at Flight. I felt as if I was doing something worthwhile, finally, and I hoped that working with the children here would ease my guilt about Ben.”
“So you did feel guilty?”
Luke’s face fell. “What kind of man do you think I am? Of course I felt guilty. It hurt so much, knowing I had a son but that I’d walked out of his life. Never even walked into it, really.”
He dropped his head into his hands. “I’ve failed him, Kat,” he groaned. “I talked myself into believing he wouldn’t want me in his life, that meeting me would confuse him, when all the time I was afraid, and now...”
“Now?” she murmured, turning toward him, longing to stroke the hair back from his face.
His voice trembled. “Now I’ve been given another chance, but I’m worried I’ll never be able to make things right between us. I love him so much, Kat, and I’m so ashamed of the way I’ve handled everything.” He moved closer, his eyes dark with emotion. “Will you help me try and make it work, Kat? Please.”
Her response was instant, from the heart. “Of course—of course I will.”
When he slowly lowered his lips toward hers, a shiver ran through her whole body and then she felt the warmth of them and her heart exploded. “Oh, Luke...”
His arms tightened around her, his body pressing close as his lips worked their magic, moving, exploring, invading her senses.
“No,” she groaned, panicking at the depth of her own feelings.
He held her away from him but he didn’t let her go. “This is right, Kat,” he said, placing his lips gently to her forehead. “We are right.”
She relaxed back into his arms, drowning in his closeness, wanting nothing more than this moment. “But what about Ben?” she asked.
Luke tensed. “Ben can’t know about us...not yet. It wouldn’t be fair. I talked him down when he saw us yesterday, but he was upset and confused. I don’t want to risk that again.”
“Us,” she repeated, trying it on for size. “Is there really an us, Luke?”
“Maybe,” he said sadly. He released her and stood, walking across to gaze out the window. “There are so many things stacked against us.”
“Like my job, for one,” she said. “And professionalism aside, being together could compromise Ben’s recovery. That’s the last thing either of us wants.”
“His confidence and security has to come first,” agreed Luke. “I need to focus on that relationship before I can even consider...us.”
Feeling awkward, Kat started collecting the plates and tidying up. There was something between them that they couldn’t deny, an attraction that neither of them could resist. For a few moments, though, it had seemed like more than that and it had given her a glimpse of a part of herself she had never experienced before. A part of herself she had to try to keep contained if she didn’t want to end up with a broken heart. Suddenly her hand slipped and the cup she was holding flew onto the floor, smashing into a thousand pieces.
Luke materialized beside her. “Leave that,” he insisted, taking hold of her hand and drawing her toward the door. “Let’s go outside to clear our heads and get back to...business. Ben, I mean—let’s talk about Ben.”
They sat on the bench outside, watching the sun slowly slip toward the horizon. “I made a breakthrough today,” she said, knowing that she had to tell him. “Ben talked to me about his granddad. You know he has dementia?”
“Dementia? What, you mean the disease?”
Kat nodded. “I’m afraid so.”
“And he told you this?”
She hesitated. “Well, no, not quite—he told me his granddad was... I’m sorry, Luke, but I went to see Mollie. I should have told you.”
His whole body stiffened. “Too right you should have...and after I asked you not to!”
“I’m sorry. It just felt like something I had to do, and I knew what you’d say if I told you my plan. It was worth it, though. That’s the main thing. If we’d known his situation from the start, maybe we could have better understood what Ben’s been going through. He thought it was his fault that his granddad turned away from him, Luke—that he did something to make Jim stop loving him. He’s hurting inside. Even his refusals to go to school were all about getting attention from his grandma.”
“And Mollie told you all this? Why didn’t she say anything before?”
“I think she was just as mixed up as everyone else,” Kat said, lifting a shoulder. “She regrets how she treated Ben. She wants to visit him and I hoped you might help arrange it.”
Luke frowned. “Are you sure about that? You don’t usually take note of my suggestions,” he said curtly.
“Luke...” Kat tried to get him to look at her, reeling at how quickly the atmosphere had changed. He seemed to stare straight through her. “I’m sorry I went behind your back by going to see Mollie, but I would do it again. I know it will help Ben, and that’s my job. If you didn’t work here, I might not have even told you about that conversation. Parents aren’t always involved in my treatment of their children because—because very often they are the cause of the problems. It’s results that count, Luke... The children count.”
“So did you see Jim?” he asked. “And if not, how do you know Mollie was telling the truth?”
Kat shrugged. “She had no cause to lie. His doctor diagnosed him with depression after Carly died, but it was only later, when he had a dizzy spell and went in for tests, that they found out it was dementia. He’d had a couple of small strokes, they think... Look, why don’t you go and talk to her yourself?”
Luke stood, staring at her for an endless moment, his expression fathomless. “I might just do that. Anyway, I’d better be off. No doubt I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“And you’ll arrange a visit?”
“I’ll speak to Ben first and see what he has to say.”
He took off down Cove Road and Kat watched him go, a dull ache filling her heart. For a moment, she’d dared to imagine they really could be an us; how naive was that? He was handsome, even charming when he wanted to be, and there was something about him she found hard to resist. But he had let his son down. Did that make him selfish, or had he learned from his mistakes? He obviously regretted how he’d handled things in the past, and he was trying so hard to be a good father, but she couldn’t let herself forget how narrow-minded he often was.
She noted how his hair lifted in the breeze, and she took in his gait, tall and strong and sure. Despite her determination to focus on all the reasons she shouldn’t fall for Luke Travis, she was sharply reminded of his lips against hers, his tenderness when he held her. He was right to put space between them, she decided, because if she spent too much time with him the idea of an “us” would be too tempting.
And then she thought about her animal project and her sea therapy and knew she still had far too much to do here to be chased away from her goals by a man. She would do her part to keep their relationship professional and avoid social outings. Tomorrow she’d apologize; not that she needed to, but if they were to move on, they needed a fresh start.
* * *
LUKE STRODE HURRIEDLY along the pathway back to Flight. What was he thinking, he wondered, to have allowed Kat to get to him like that? What an idiot she must think he was... This wasn’t the first time he’d been carried away by a beautiful woman. It had been a total disaster the first time, and now the stakes were much higher: he had a son to think about.
And for Kat to take it on herself to go see Mollie Jackson was unforgivable. It was his job, not hers. So why didn’t you? asked an inner voice. Tomorrow, he decided, he’d have a proper chat with Ben...or maybe he should try to get the truth from Mollie...not that he really believed that she or Kat were making anything up.
He paused to look out over the bay. The sun was disappearing into the sea and leaving behind a glorious trail of golden light. It was so beautiful and serene that it brought a warm feeling back into his heart. Perhaps he’d been too harsh with Kat. Perhaps she did have Ben’s best interests at heart. Rationally, he knew she wasn’t trying to make him feel inadequate. But he felt that way all the same.
They needed to get their relationship back onto a professional footing, that was all, and limit their communications to what was best for Ben.
How hard could that be?